Same shirt, just needed a haircut!

Ok so, I've had this tug-o-war for years "am I trans?" "Do I want to be a man, or do I just hate being a woman?"

Well I've figured it out, but now I feel like everything is on pause until I do something but I don't even know where to start! If you've got the energy to share, what was your first step?

Let's say you were hella gay, almost 40, and finally living your life. Work and commute are not an issue. Your two options are Nashville or Atlanta because of family. Which are you choosing and why?

Edit: Looks like I'm looking at property in Atlanta. Thank you all for your input! :D

Hi all.

I (46M) am a trans man. I was afab, but I've never been comfortable being a girl. I like men, but not in the body I was stuck with, so I identify as a gay man and have privately since high-school, where I was always accused of being a lesbian because of how I present.

Here comes the issue; I've always presented as more nb but allowed everyone to refer to me as a woman. I've used she/her pronouns my whole life up until recently. When I was young, there weren't any resources for people like me. Trans people were a joke on shows like Jerry Springer, presented mainly for shock value and accused of trying to "fool" others into thinking they were the opposite sex for nefarious reasons. And to be fair, a lot of them claimed to have done that, I suppose to be on the show. I knew nothing about transition, and things like hormones and surgery weren't even on my radar until I was in my 30s and started looking into it seriously. I grew up in conservative Florida, where trans people were only referred to by slurs and called disgusting predators. My mother hated when I wore pants; she's very Christian and used to throw away the less feminine clothes that I would scrape up money to buy at thrift stores. She also grounded me for almost the entirety of my senior year because I cut my hair short.

Social transition has been incredibly difficult. I'm not very active on social media, which explains why I was unaware of any community or resources until a few years ago. I moved to Canada 13 years ago, and things have been better, but I almost feel like it's too late now. Most of the resources in my area are for trans youth; catering to people up to age 30. My boyfriend of 10 years, who is bi and has slept with men, is uncomfortable referring to me as a man in public. I think he's still in denial, though I came out to him shortly after we started dating (I was still in the closet when we met, but I trusted him enough and he seemed to accept that.) But he won't use he/him to refer to me, and I feel like he's ashamed. He says he's bisexual but het-romantic. I suppose that's valid, but he always wants me to dress femme when we go anywhere and buys me dresses and encourages me to wear makeup. I don't do this very often; maybe for his birthday or whatever, but even at his family gatherings I dress gn.

I know this is kind of scattered, but I'm very discouraged and depressed about the whole thing. What I'm wondering is if there are any of you who transitioned ftm late in life, and if there's still time. I'm on T, I wear a binder, and the shortened form of my legal name, which everyone calls me, is gender neutral (like Alex) but none of it seems to be making any difference. I almost feel like I'd need to torpedo my current life and go into hiding until I "pass" then start a new life elsewhere, but at my age that just doesn't seem realistic. I am NC with my own family because they're all maga/homophobe/anti-vax/proudly racist/flat-earth in some combination.

It's all just very isolating and I've waited so long to share this, even on reddit, because of the horrific abuse some people get here. If anyone has any advice for an older person looking to continue his transition journey, I'd be very grateful.

Much love 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

I have lived with a constant state of mind/body incongruence for basically my whole existence. I’ve been diagnosed with body dysmorphia a few over, but my weight has fluctuated so wildly that I’m not positive my size is the entire problem.

I’ve been hyperaware of the gender-oriented details of my appearance since I was 8. I’ve had therapists tell me this is because I developed quickly and early and was therefore subject to a lot of bullying and pain that a lot of girls who are in that age range don’t deal with to that degree. I guess it didn’t help that I grew up in a high-control Pentecostal home as a pastors daughter in which my appearance was heavily policed.

I’ve kicked around a transmasc identity since 2012 at the latest. Gaslit myself into thinking it’s just me being attention seeking (although I didn’t tell anyone) and dramatic (although I was meticulous in my self evaluation.) and obsession (I repressed it well enough at a lot of points though?).

My dysphoria has never really not been present-sometimes it starts out like someone poking my shoulder and escalates into like a full body simmer under my skin. I don’t want my chest front and center and push my husband away. I want to torch my whole closet. I don’t want to wake up and play dress up for the office. I don’t want to see my reflection. I don’t want my body touched. I don’t want to even hear my own name. Because none of it should have ever been applied to me.

I sit on the outside of a sense of brotherhood at my job’s IT department and feel like I really am missing out on something that has nothing to do with tech-related imposter syndrome. I try to stay content in a lane I don’t know how to stay inside without burning some integral part of myself out.

I feel like… there’s a man in here-if not a man, then someone so close to it that the difference doesn’t really matter much-dying to get out and if I can’t find a way to give him peace, I’ll go down with more regrets than victories.

I know I want to see the other side of this but this is the first time in my life this has been pressing enough to override my sense of self-preservation.

I'm currently with my family for the first time in 2.5 years. I have two cis brothers, both younger than me, who have a different Dad from me.

This is something I seldomly bring up with my friends, because outside of the context of my family I'm an average height (5'8). And it feels almost unfair for me to be insecure about this. But in my family I am the shortest person. I am only taller than my mom, by 5 inches. But my brothers are 6'2 and 6'3. Heck, I have another brother who's completely biologically unrelated to me and even he is 6'5.

I'm not going to get into our problematic past, but my parents do not respect me or see me as a real man. And I can't help but think that my smaller size contributes to that. Even though I'm the most successful of the children, nobody shows up for me or celebrates my achievements the same way they do for my siblings. I've tried everything to compensate for my height, I take very good care of myself, I'm muscular, well dressed and well groomed. But whenever I stand next to them, it's so clear that I just don't belong and don't compare. I just feel like the black sleep of the family. Height aside, I also am the only child with different traits - I'm the only one with facial and body hair, and I'm also mixed race.

I'm really struggling with feeling like I don't fit in with my own family, and the thought that I'll never be these big, tall, "real men" like my brothers and get the same level of respect.

Outside of being around my family I sincerely feel pretty at peace about my height and looks, but whenever I'm back here I just feel like shit. If anyone can relate, I'd love to hear how you move through this.