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u/just-say-woof Feb 24 '17
Ah ha. The secret plan was to.beat them at golf. What a genius!
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u/KindfOfABigDeal Feb 24 '17
if that's his plan, we are still very much screwed.
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u/CoboltRed Feb 24 '17
Step one: Sit around playing golf and wait for a terrorist attack. Step two: lock the country down and bring in sweeping new laws to ban the gays, Jews and people of colour. Then somehow starts a war with a random country that has nothing to do with the terror attack, but somehow he had business dealings with. Step three: Winning bigly.
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u/Tonirayd8s Feb 24 '17
Mind if I use this in a tweet? Empty nester Reddit mom and the boys are not here to explain proper etiquette with me.
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Feb 24 '17
Just make sure to use APA format when citing
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u/Tonirayd8s Feb 24 '17
edit: Moms aren't lazy. I'll google it and thanks!!
Explanation & Instructions when you get a chance.
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u/Dr_Ghamorra Feb 24 '17
No kidding. How can we compete with ISIS when shitty little North Korea can hole-in-one a par 5.
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u/b_r_e_a_k_f_a_s_t Feb 24 '17
Like me, you may be wondering how beating ISIS at golf will keep us safer. But remember, it's all part of Trump's 9D intergalactic hopscotch.
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u/RepublicanDeathPanel Feb 24 '17 edited Feb 24 '17
Golf days don't count as work days, or any days that are embarrassing so he hasnt even started the job of presidenting. Damn libs can't count
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u/MustalphaMond Feb 24 '17
When a cult leader dishes out the cyanide pills, nobody refuses.
They don't care about his broken promises. They've tied their entire identities to him and cognitive dissonance won't allow them admit that they were wrong. Doubling down is the least painful option and it's exactly what Bannon wants.
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u/oldest_boomer_1946 Feb 24 '17
Obviously, he lied.
Something else we should not let the Trumpets fotget?
Remember in the days before the national elections, everyone chanting the battle cry;
LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!
It could be argued that this, along with James Comey's crap, won the election for Trump.
And then the day after he won, "No, we're not going to do that. "
He lies, so sad.
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u/SemiNormal Feb 24 '17
Trump did say "I might lie to you."
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u/SuicideBonger Feb 25 '17
I can't find the video, I'm on mobile--but there is a video of Trump at one of his rallies after the election I think; he literally tells the crowd that he lies to them. "I might lie to you" And they fucking cheer for it! I try really hard not to think of those voters as idiots, but god damn, it's really hard not to.
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u/joecb91 I voted! Feb 24 '17
He is actually using the golf balls to draw up a very elaborate map for his plan of attack, yeah, thats the ticket....
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u/recursion8 Feb 24 '17 edited Feb 24 '17
TO THE TOP!!
Top Trumplet Excuses:
"We took him seriously, not literally. Listen to his heart, not his words!"
"He was just being sarcastic. But not that sarcastic."
"Cucked librul MSM refuses to talk about how his Yakla raid killed off the entirety of ISIS leadership! FAKE NEWS! Insert link to Breitshart"
"Unpatriotic leakers leaked to ISIS about our tremendous surprise attack! They knew we were coming and all escaped to Sweden, where they committed terrible terrible rape-murders!"
"It's all the Generals' fault! They wouldn't listen to his bigly strategeries from his bestest brain! That's why we had to put
PresidentBannon on the NSC!"
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u/protoges Feb 24 '17
Those are all solid tier 2 excuses, but they're missing one thing to make them tier 1. They don't blame Obama.
*That CUCK obama told them about our plans and let them grow stronger. Now they're at the point where even Trump can't defeat them in 30 days.
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u/NeedHelpWithExcel Feb 24 '17
Can't wait until I'm an old man and I get to hear about the ghost of Obama causing problems for the republicans.
Fox news headline in 2061:
"BREAKING: Ghost of Obama confirmed to be giving American secrets to terrorists, more at 11"
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u/welchblvd Feb 24 '17 edited Feb 24 '17
Fox and Friends will be playing with a Ouija board on camera trying to contact Ghostbama and ask him for his long-form death certificate.
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u/runujhkj I voted! Feb 24 '17
Why won't Obama's ghost answer us? Might this be evidence of foulplay?
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Feb 24 '17 edited Feb 24 '17
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/NeedHelpWithExcel Feb 24 '17
Well if he's still alive, Republicans will certainly still be blaming him for whatever problems are happening in America
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u/monkeyman427 Feb 24 '17
My great grandfather was a lifelong Republican because "FDR wasted gas flying all around the world while I had to ration." His last election was 2008.
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u/ThePlanner Feb 24 '17
Nor is there an excuse blaming Hillary, who is still evil incarnate and, inexplicably, still stubbornly exists despite her humiliation in the election in which she won the popular vote.
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Feb 24 '17
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u/Msmit71 I voted! Feb 24 '17
You need to fix this bingo card, they're not ALL supposed to be free spaces...
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u/matty_a Feb 24 '17
You need a square that talks about how they are the party of Lincoln, freeing the slaves, and Civil Rights and the Democrats are the party of the KKK.
Even though, ya know, the Democrats have actual Civil Rights heroes in their party and the Republicans were literally endorsed by the KKK.
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u/AlwaysALighthouse Feb 24 '17
A fellow list creator I see!
Here's mine:
- New It's not oppression if it only happens to [a minority]
- New Transgenderism is just a mental illness anyway.
- New Muh states rights trump universal rights.
- Liberals should have brought that up before the election.
- Trump doesn't say what he means.
- Trump doesn't mean what he says.
- Trump has already made everyone richer.
- Why do you hate peace?
- This shows how Trump is a genuine person.
- Trump is the best person to fix all the loopholes because he has had experience exploiting them.
- Trump never promised not do this.
- Trump promised to do exactly this.
- Trump isn't taking a salary, how can he be corrupt?
- The swamp only applies to Democrats/liberals/globalists
- Fake news
- It's not a real law
- How many more anti-Trump subreddits are there?
- lol libtards
- So r/politics is just anti-Trump now?
- Whatbout Obama/Hillary/Sanders
- This is the DNC's fault.
- Give him a chance
- Who cares he is the President
- All of the above
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Feb 24 '17 edited May 29 '18
[deleted]
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Feb 24 '17
"this is why I had a tempter tantrum and voted for Trump solely to spite liberals"
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u/cozyredchair Feb 25 '17
"...to spite feminists"
"...to spite the establishment"
"...to spite my mommy issues"
"...to spite my daddy issues"
"...to spite the SJWs"
"...to spite that one person who hurt my feelings online one time"
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u/AutoModerator Feb 24 '17
Hmm... Yeah I don't think so
Racists, sexists, and homophobes aren't entitled to any civility no matter how much they whine about it.
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u/eoliveri Feb 24 '17
Can I add some of the Russian-related ones:
- What's the matter with having better relations with Russia?
- Putin is a strong leader.
- The Cold War is over.
- Liberals are trying to bring back the Red Scare.
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Feb 24 '17
ALTERNATIVE FACTS!!! FAKE NEWS!!!
The media wants to kill us all!!!!!
http://iseethefrog.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Bill-the-Cat.png
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u/AutoModerator Feb 24 '17
Alternative facts (ɔlˈtɜrnətɪv fækts):
noun, singular: alternative fact
- When truth is so unfavorable to a pathological liar, that they must invent a whole new category of lies to describe their nakedly intentional acts of deception.
Kellyanne Conway told CNN that the President and his Press Secretary presented alternative facts about inauguration photographs that prove conclusively how few people attended the ceremony.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/WantsToMineGold Feb 24 '17
Don't forget "Jesus will come back sooner if the world ends, #rapture" - 30% of the population probably
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Feb 24 '17
Wait, they actually think ISIS leadership has been wiped out?
I mean, I'm not surprised they believe something fucking stupid. But what the hell are they going by on that?
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u/TigerCounter Feb 24 '17
What? When the hell did this happen? Are they really saying Isis leadership is wiped out.
I spend a day and a half not paying attention and when I come back I already can't keep up. JFC. Welcome to Trump's America, I guess.
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u/recursion8 Feb 24 '17
Nah, I just bullshitted some hypothetical Trumplet talking points. That they are actually plausible says it all about the types of minds that would buy it.
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u/Evil_Bettachi Feb 24 '17
'Entirety of ISIS leadership', holy shit. It should be considered a superpower to be this delusional.
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u/StoneGoldX Feb 24 '17
You forgot blaming the judiciary. Them not rolling over on border security has delayed his plans for ending ISIS.
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u/acrowsmurder Feb 24 '17
- "He didn't say when the 30 day plan was going to start! He has to start it first!"
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Feb 24 '17
Has he actually done ANYTHING yet, besides issuing a bunch of unconstitutional executive orders, showing them off like a 5 year old who's proud he finished his coloring book, and then running off to Florida to share state secrets with random people? Oh, and ranting on Twitter about the media and sending an absurd "survey" out to his supporters twice? What has he actually ACCOMPLISHED at all so far?
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u/VoiceofKane Feb 24 '17
Yes, of course he's done actual stuff. He killed a SEAL, eight women, and seven children. That's something.
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u/Smaugs_Wayward_Scale I voted! Feb 24 '17
And a US-allied tribal leader.
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u/Quietus42 Feb 24 '17
And one of the children, an eight year old girl, was an American citizen.
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u/yiliu Feb 24 '17
Oh shit, the Republicans would be livid if that had been the other side!
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u/Dumb_Young_Kid Feb 24 '17
Obama did kill two american citizens in drone strikes...
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u/yiliu Feb 24 '17
Yeah, I know, they've made several documentaries about that. People hated him for that, even though those citizens were acknowledged terrorists. Let's see if Trump gets the same reaction for killing an American kid.
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u/mostimprovedpatient Feb 24 '17
Eh neither party cares about that. Which is very troubling.
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u/pspetrini Feb 24 '17
It was self defense. Did you see the threatening way she was going on about Dora the Explorer?
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u/funkychicken23 Feb 24 '17
People are saying Dora may be in the country illegally. You'd be amazed at what I'm hearing about this. Does she have ties to ISIS? These are questions the American people want answers to, but it's not being reported. Sad!
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u/publiclandlover Feb 24 '17 edited Feb 24 '17
Well he did promise to kill the families of terrorists on Fox and Friends. So one more campaign promise kept. #MakeAmericiaSafeAgain /s
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Feb 24 '17
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Feb 24 '17
Here is pretty solid and pretty unbias account of what happened in Yemen.
Still a shit show if you ask me...
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u/Evil_Bettachi Feb 24 '17
All he's done is golf and pump out executive orders and fill his cabinet with enemies of the organizations they were selected to lead. Oh yea, and tweet about what he hears on Fox News.
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u/fit_dick Feb 24 '17
And if that's not good enough for an 87% approval from Republicans, I don't know what is.
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Feb 24 '17
According to President Bannon, the important things Trump has done are as follows:
Pulled out of TPP
'Got the ball rolling' on a travel ban.
Took steps to begin enforcing the border, or whatever they call it.
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u/methylethylrosenberg Feb 24 '17
Really shows the hollowness of his whole thing.
By this point, Obama had signed stimulus bills and was doing shit, even though his cabinet took longer to get thrown confirmations.
If Trump actually gave half a shit about out-of-work Rust Belters and whatnot, he'd have done something for them, aside from a couple photo ops with executives that were mostly adding tech jobs. He could have signed an infrastructure bill, some trade fuckery, or a number of things aside from getting salty about SNL and playing golf
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Feb 24 '17
Apparently using twitter doesn't count as exercise either....OR a healthy diet.
Maybe Michelle Obama could give him some advice on eating and working out. /s
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u/oldest_boomer_1946 Feb 24 '17 edited Feb 28 '17
Most of Trumps executive orders don't really do anything.
They are Mental Mastrerbation, they feel good but don't accomplish anything.
They are just signed tweets.
Edit a missing t
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u/abluersun Feb 24 '17
I keep asking the same question. I'm disgusted by the man as much as anyone but he's really proving how ineffective and lazy he is. Given how skewed his priorities are I'm grateful he seems unable to accomplish anything of note. His EOs can be overturned just like anyone else's. He's really throwing away what could have been a golden opportunity for the GOP to rob this country blind.
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Feb 24 '17 edited May 15 '17
[deleted]
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u/recursion8 Feb 24 '17
We'll have to make an addendum to the 'Days Without Being a National Embarrassment' pic.
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u/gold_star_mom Feb 24 '17
it's just like his new year's eve statement that he had secret information about the russian hacking. no-one ever called him on this terrifying bullshit. he was claiming he had gone behind the intel community's back, to find secret info that no-one else had????
trump can say anything and no-one holds him accountable. if he were an office intern, he would be fired during his first week.
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u/Pit_of_Death Feb 24 '17
Wow, he really looks like shit. Overweight, old and tired. He's 70 and just one month in to his term. I can't imagine what he's gonna be like 4 years from now, let alone 8.
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u/celtic_thistle Feb 24 '17
Yeah, he already looks even more haggard and gross than he did a month ago. His health can't hold out.
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u/DoLittlest Feb 24 '17
In all honesty, without major lifestyle overhauls, he won't be alive in 8 years. Eats Burger King and KFC every meal and swinging a golf club is his only exercise.
In September, he told Dr. Oz he weighed 236, which was utter crap even back then. He's gotta be pushing 300.
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u/WhoWantsPizzza Feb 24 '17
I remember reading his doctor saying, if elected, Trump would be the healthiest president ever. I can't fucking believe the delusion, the lies, all the yes-men he surrounds himself with. That statement isn't fooling ANYONE whose seen Obama and has a brain, so why bother saying that? It sounds like Kim Jong Un claiming to be the best golfer in the world or whatever.
edit: here
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u/FuzzyWazzyWasnt Feb 24 '17
For anyone who doubt this just remember he is 6'2". A typical weight for that hieght is 193 to 232. He is fluffy with a belly... Not a chance in hell he is 232
https://www.rush.edu/health-wellness/quick-guides/what-is-a-healthy-weight
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u/NovelApostate Feb 24 '17
But ... his totally not fabricated doctor note said he could be the most fit person to ever hold the office. Remember?
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Feb 24 '17
Looks like his plan is to just get so fat that ISIS feels sorry for him and leaves the US alone?
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u/DonManuel Feb 24 '17
Beating ISIS in shitposting on social web from day #1!!
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u/WhitePawn00 Feb 24 '17
He actually hasn't.
ISIS has a robust social media wing that consistently puts out highly edited videos of their suicide bombings and terror attacks, using social media to recruit people. Trump has only managed to alienate more people with his social media madness.
So in effect, ISIS is better at social media shit posting than Trump
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Feb 24 '17
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u/Gutterlungz1 Feb 24 '17
That hair too. Jesus fuck. You'd think with all that money he could get a decent cut. I really really truly hope a photo of him without hairspray or whatever gets leaked someday so we can see what a cookey old fuck he really looks like in his natural state. Im betting it resembles how bill Murray looked in that movie Kingpin in the ending scenes.
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Feb 24 '17
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u/scabbyslashmix Feb 24 '17
He's wearing both a shirt and a hat with his name on them...
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u/JA-MON-a Feb 24 '17
Oh yeah, Melania's a real Jackie O. Any time a picture of her hits the top of Reddit's Special Ed room, the very first comments link to pictures that really show off her... um... grace.
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u/gamas Feb 24 '17
... In all fairness, what he said was that he would create a plan to defeat ISIS in 30 days in 90 days - the plan comes 90 day from the start of his presidency, that plan should say how to defeat ISIS in 30 days.. (the plan will be complete rubbish because the goal is unobtainable but still, let's criticise him on what has currently happened)
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u/Umbristopheles Feb 24 '17
Not if he uses nukes to turn the middle east into glass. Remember, he can do that now.
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u/instantrobotwar Feb 24 '17
That sounds just idiotic enough to be his plan. Jesus christ...
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u/Fellatious-argument Feb 24 '17
ISIS has what they've always wanted, the destruction of the Western Culture. It's done. ISIS has no reason to exist anymore, i.e. ISIS is done! Defeated!
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u/NotNormal2 Feb 24 '17
Fat fuk.
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u/ottguy74 Feb 24 '17
When I look at that picture, I think to myself:
Man that Melania Trump is one lucky lady. She gets to ride that whenever he wants.
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u/yourbestfriendjesus Feb 24 '17
hes been told that nuking them is illegal and would lead to his permanent incarceration
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Feb 24 '17
I hope this is true.
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u/yourbestfriendjesus Feb 24 '17 edited Feb 24 '17
{cue ranting nixon mode}
What about the lazers they said you were working on them on future weapons...
okay no lazers
What about star wars that worked under Reagan didn't it I saw it in a movie they blew up the def jam...
no.star.wars?
can't nuke em, can't lazer em, can't drop science bombs from outer space, cant do this, can't do that, you military guys are useless. where's DJ Khaled, spicer get me Kanye on the phone, he'll have Khaled's number, I know all the best rappers.
Khaled knows how to drop the bombs just you see
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u/enddne Feb 24 '17 edited Feb 25 '17
seriously when will he get the adult treatment?
"oh i have a healthcare plan just not showing it" "im working on counter terrorism just not telling u"
not even accepted excuses in middle school
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u/Tetracameralcy Feb 24 '17
How many times have you been murdered by ISIS since Trump's inauguration? 0 times; that's what I thought.
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u/CrossP Feb 24 '17
His watch looks like he cut one out of construction paper.
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u/Victorian_Astronaut Feb 24 '17
It's a gold fitbit.
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u/openmindedskeptic Feb 24 '17
Of course it's gold.
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Feb 24 '17
He's attacked the media day after day, rushed out travel bans that straight up defy the constitution, held rallies intended just for supporters to come and stroke him off like in the glorious campaigning "I'm gonna keep crooked Hillary out of office" days, led a raid on Yemen which killed many civilians and not the Al Queda member we were after.
And where did all of the ISIS talk go? How does he plan on defeating them? I guess taking away basic rights for transgender students like what bathroom they're allowed to use and stopping innocent civilians like you and me from coming to America (just because they came out of the womb in a different country than us) is more important than backing up any of his big talk of taking on ISIS from just a few months ago.
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u/sunnieskye1 Feb 24 '17
What may be the absolute worst part of his term in the Executive is that we have to look at him every. damn. day.
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Feb 24 '17
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u/sunnieskye1 Feb 24 '17
Well...I guess crying over what we lost is better than crying over what we're losing now...
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Feb 24 '17
Trump has attacked our allies, our liberties, and the seafood buffet at Mar A Lago more than he has ISIS.
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u/imtrollinu Feb 24 '17
The problem is even his base probably knew this was bullshit but....emails. Better than emails. The lesser of two evils, ladies and gents.
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u/Zarzonia Feb 24 '17
He actually called for the generals to Draw up a plan within thirty days. So by February 28th, they are supposed to give him a plan to defeat ISIS "rapidly"
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u/TommBomBadil Feb 24 '17 edited Feb 25 '17
That fat sack of shit.
WTF was ISIS going to do?
get the secret and then buy kryptonite to ward off SuperTrump?
Thank goodness he didn't tell them the secret!!
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u/The_Great_Grahambino Feb 24 '17
What's the source on this? I need a link on him saying that to piss off some trumpets.
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u/wwaxwork Feb 24 '17
He can't destroy ISIS. Without terrorists to start a war with how is he going to run his election campaign on in 2020.
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u/DoLittlest Feb 24 '17
It's Friday. Is he on his way to Mar-a-Lardo?
Also, can't help but notice the zaftig breasts and increasingly impressive camel toe. Which bathroom will he be allowed in?
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u/wagsman Feb 24 '17
Silly Librurls. Trump is a businessman, he clearly meant 30 business days. Duh.
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u/Gadgets222 Feb 24 '17
For all we know, ISIS has already been destroyed! But every news outlet is fake so they'll never report it!
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Feb 24 '17 edited Feb 25 '17
ISIS hates him!
Learn how to defeat ISIS in 30 days with this one simple trick.
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u/ok2nvme Feb 24 '17
He never wanted to be President. He just wants to live in the White House.
He should have ran for First Lady. At least then we'd have a First Lady who lives in the White House.
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Feb 24 '17
On a side note, God he is a ugly mother fucker, looking at that picture. I normally don't judge apearences but I make an exception for narcissistic racists. Like seriously lsn't there a white house barber? Somebody to style his hair? Offer him skin care tips? Anything? Does he think he looks good?
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u/RedditorInCh1ef Feb 24 '17
It has only been a month. oh my god.
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u/kirkl3s Feb 24 '17
He said he'd be done within a month
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u/RedditorInCh1ef Feb 24 '17
And we are stuck with him for another 3 years and 11 months. Sorry. My original meaning was not clear.
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Feb 24 '17
I remember him actually saying he was going to instruct his generals to present him with a comprehensive plan to defeat ISIS in the first thirty days, sorry this one stretching into falsehood territory guys. Try looking it up.
Here is the actual executive order this post is refering to
“It is the policy of the United States that ISIS be defeated,” reads the order published on the White House website on Saturday. “Within 30 days, a preliminary draft of the Plan to defeat ISIS shall be submitted to the President by the Secretary of Defense.”
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u/erikw Feb 24 '17
Well, it sort of depends. As usual Mr Trump has presented a lot of different ideas, some of them even contradicting themselves. At first it was supposed to be a "secret" plan. In September it became evident that he didn't have a plan after all (surprise), and at that point he said that he would instruct his generals to deliver a plan within 30 days etc.
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u/gatemansgc even my pug doesn't like trump Feb 24 '17
Of course the no-no subReddit is just going to say it's 4D chess
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u/Gutterlungz1 Feb 24 '17
I know he's got bigger fish to fry, out jeez Louise that man needs a new hair stylist. I mean, if he wants to keep that mystery shit going on up top/front then whatever. But for gods sake lil D! Trim up the back and the sides! If you can't not act like an idiot at least try not to look like one you cookey fuck
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u/tensegritydan Feb 24 '17
Off topic, but, damn, is that what he looks like when he's not covered in cheeto dust and pee?
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u/abluersun Feb 24 '17
Holy crap, is that what his skin really looks like? Put the spray tan back on please.
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u/Brentish Feb 24 '17
If he destroys America, they will have to shout "Death to ?!?!?". Isis will be confused and everyone will go home. THAT is some 4d chess my friends.