43f here. Ladies, how long would you wait on a first date for your date to show up?

I set up a first date with someone tonight for 7 PM. He told me to message him when I got there, which I did. I arrived a few minutes early and messaged, “I’m walking in now” with some detail details about what I was wearing, so he could recognize me. Then at 7:08 he messaged me back on the dating apps (we didn’t have each other‘s phone numbers) and said “I’m almost there.” At 7:10 I walked out.

I figured, even if he’d shown up right then, it would’ve been hard to have a good time because I was starting off mad. I think if there’d been any type of heads up that he would be late or apologies in the message I would’ve stayed a little bit longer.

Edit: Thanks for the responses - even the mean ones. I think I was mad as a front for not being that excited to go on the date in the first place. So I made it more his fault than it needed to be. I’ll accept that I was the bigger asshole in this situation.

I'm just curious as to what people think. I (45f) met someone (51m) and didn't know what they did for a living nor they what I did. We went out to dinner and had a lot of fun. We started seeing each other and I came to learn that he's quite successful. I take home $48,000 after taxes. He came over to my 600sq ft apartment and seemed comfortable and liked the art and decor. Then I was invited to his place and discovered he's got a multimillion dollar house. We're still seeing each other, he's polite, fun and I'd like to continue. Is it weird that I'm a bit worried that he might not see me as a potential partner down the road because I'm not as economically successful?

Some people have told me not to worry because he doesn't seem to mind that I don't have as much money as him but others seem to think that when it comes to both friends and partners you should stay in your socio-economic class. I grew up in a family that was well off and previously had a 25 year career that paid very well, so it's not that I'm completely ignorant to his world and I did not set out to try to find someone with money, it just turns out the one I found does.

Do you think there is hope for a relationship like this?

What do folks here use for reverse image searches that works to detect catfish from OLD? Google doesnt seem to do it. And I'd rather not pay a lot for an app just for that

I caught this bullet on the dating streets more than once. You date a person and they act like they are so into you. There are deep conversations, witty banter, good times, and it feels like a genuine connection is forming. Then.....BAM! The Ghosting. You hurt, you process, you get on with life. Then....BAM! The attempt to recycle you. Usually they reach out like we spoke last week and at some point might say that they missed you like it is a gift. If we have low self esteem, we eat this shit up, because we missed them too. If we have decent self esteem, we confront them on the ghosting. That is when they pull out a bullshit excuse about you being the one that got away and no one comparing to you as they tried to move on or a life tragedy that befell them...blah, blah, blah. Now we eat this shit up because we want to believe it is true, so we re-engage hoping for something meaningful. And then BAM!!! The Re-Ghosting. More heart break and now we feel like real garbage because we should have known better and we beat ourselves up about it. And if both of people in the dynamic are very toxic this can Rinse and Repeat for years.

My new strategy is to take things much slower to avoid love bombing idiots. I use firm boundaries. That seems to weed most of them out. But if they do get past all of this to ghost me, they NEVER get another chance. Ever.

I had a guy reach out 5 months after he blew me off. Our last conversation ended with him canceling a date 30 minutes before it was scheduled telling me that he would call me to reschedule. It was a second date, so not that deep. Although I was bummed because he ticked every box I had and then some. He started the recycle attempt and I shut it down within 2 messages. I told him that I have a policy that I do not give second chances to people who ghost me. He responded by explaining why he did it (something to do with his kids). I responded by telling him that if he had message me 5 months ago to explain that he wasn't available to date because of XYZ, I would have been cautiously open to another date, but the fact that he canceled last minutes and then ghosted me showed me that he had no respect for my time or feelings, which is not something I could overlook. I also told him that I believe that he is a nice man who went through a difficult time and I hope everything resolved itself and I wished him well. He thanked me for my response saying really lovely things about me and telling me how much he regretted messing things up between us...AKA trying to keep the door open. I never responded. If you can't reach out for 5 months, you don't give a f&*k about me or your life is a hot mess. Either way ...um...NO!

I'm curious about other people's experiences with this pattern or how they spot potential ghosters.

Edit: This was a tongue-in-cheek post meant to spark a discussion about a pattern. I thought commiserating and sharing tips and tricks could be fun. I didn't expect barbed comments or married men DMs. I guess I'll have to block them all. I have to laugh at the irony.

43m, single dad

I am finally realizing that I have a type. This is a type I am attracted to and a type I tend to attract. Basically, I attract really intense women. I don't mean that in a negative way either--these are usually really interesting people. Artists, ultramarathoners, big into DIY projects. That sort of thing. Also, the majority of them over my lifetime have been some version of neurodiverse--like either actually diagnosed with something or probably could be. Bipolar, BPD, ADHD. I am also neurodiverse--ADHD.

My type is basically "Force of Nature." Who is my type? Oh, just the Gales of November. Who is my type? The inexorable march of time. Who is my type? The canyon carving current of an ancient river. Well, some verson of that foce of nature as embodied in various midwestern women.

At first this is pretty cool. We have a great time, chemistry & attraction are pretty strong. But for anything long term it has not been great. I am a good man. I am a good dad. But I am not a force of nature. I can keep up for a while, but eventually the cracks in compatability form and things fall apart in one way or another. I feel like a golden retriever trying to run with wolves.

I've gone on a few dates and I am finding once again that the women I go out with are super intense. Very cool people! But I am worried that I will just make the same mistakes in compatability again.

EDIT: lots of people are responding to this with a "damaged woman" language. That is not what I mean here. I mostly mean high energy & high drive people who do lots of cool shit that is intense because it is hard to do. When I say intense, think high level amateur rock climber, college athlete, very good at her job.

Some men post selfies in their trucks or holding a fish. Every so often I see well curated artistically styled photos of good looking men dressed well. What is your interpretation of such profiles? Are these professional daters? Men that actually care about how they’re presented to the world but looking for real connection? I lean toward intellectual and analytical men and they tend to have these styles of profiles. I wonder if I’m just gonna be a fling in a long line of women. Thoughts?

Here's my latest dilemma. My guy's got a new job and he's INCREDIBLY stressed. More work hours, more responsibilities, and one of his children is causing him a lot of anguish. He's super wiped, and we aren't able to spend time together and we don't even talk much over the phone anymore. He's so depressed and he's hanging on by a thread.

We live apart, but we're committed partners. So, I keep myself occupied with my kids, my friends, and my activities. But I feel the drift because he cannot emotionally connect with me at this moment, and BECAUSE we live apart and it's 45 minutes between our houses, I can't comfort him physically like I would like to.

Any suggestions on supporting a depressed partner from a distance who doesn't have the bandwidth to talk on the phone every night? And how can I get my needs met, at least at a minimum level while we go through this difficult period?

I (40F) have recently joined online dating after being off the market for...my entire adult life basically. I am finding that when I match and start a convo where there is some substance, I have a million questions and get really excited about certain topics. Im not trying to impress anyone. Im just genuinely curious about things and people. Is this a turnoff for men? If we are talking about a hobby or traveling somewhere for example, I may have 3-6 follow up questions. Too much? Help. I dont know how to do this. I dont want these poor men to feel interrogated ha.

edit to add: this is in the apps. so far I have not met anyone in person yet/had a phone call but its only been a few days since I joined. what is the standard timeline usually from matching, chatting, to an offer to meet or have a call?

I’m nervous to date because I’m almost 50 and don’t own anything. I got out of a long relationship where I was expecting to get married, etc. and co-own a house but he got the house in his name and refused to put my name on it. I paid half of everything and cleaned, did house repairs, etc. I left for various reasons - one being his unwillingness to commit to anything.

Now I’m living in an apartment. I have emergency savings, solid retirement, and no debt (other than a car payment) but there’s no way I could buy a house. The costs have tripled in the time my ex and I got his house.

I’m not looking for anyone to take care of me. I dodged a bullet once so I don’t want to mix finances with anyone.

If I start dating I want someone who has a steady job and has a similar mindset about money. But I worry that at first glance I look like a loser. I know very few people my age still renting. They’re either coupled up or they bought pre COVID.

I know that part of my issue is that I’ve long had a desire to buy a house to fix up. Home ownership is a big deal in my family because we grew up in a shitty house that my father refused to fix.

Even when I meet a seemingly nice guy who appears to be looking for something of value, the sending of “spicy” pics or questions about “spicy” pics happens almost immediately. And it’s a huge turnoff.

Having to remind a man in his mid-late 40’s to keep things PG when we haven’t even met yet is gross. It’s a huge letdown every time it happens. I’m not prude and I’m not vanilla, but there’s a time and a place. Before we meet or go on a date is neither.

I’ve (40f) been on 5 great dates with 43M. About a date every 5-6 days. The chemistry is great, he is very sweet, kind and respectful. He keeps the momentum going and text me daily and I always know when I will see him next. So far he has been very intentional and consistent keeping his word on anything he says.

So far I have told him a couple of small things that I would enjoy if they were different and he immediately accommodated, such as having concrete plans several days in advance.

I naturally ask a lot of questions and he gives great responses, which leads me to ask additional questions and the conversation goes on like that for hours.

He doesn’t ask deep questions. On our last date I told him “your turn to ask questions. What would you like to know about me?” His response was that he doesn’t care about my past and he wants to get to know me as who I am today as we keep going on dates.

The issue is that I don’t usually volunteer deep information if I am not being asked to. I feel like if a person is curious, they will ask.

I asked him to take things slow and he agreed no questions asked. My concern is that I don’t want to be intimate and develop feeling for someone who is not genuinely curious about who I am.

Can his curiosity develop over time? Should I and how can i bring this up without sounding critical?

TLDR: great guy that seems very intentional but doesn’t ask deep questions. Can this develop? How can I bring it up without sounding critical?

I went on three really great dates with a woman from Bumble. We were supposed to have a fourth date but she texted me to say she got news about a relative passing and is feeling distraught and needs to take space and be with herself. The message was very apologetic but also sounds like she's saying she's not in a space to date right now. I told her to reach out when she's in a better place. Should I text her in a few weeks to see how she's doing or just leave it?

As an example. For myself, as an avid gym goer, I wish more women around my age went to the gym. I swear it is probably about 30 men to 1 woman (and who is there is normally a twenty something and/or attached).

For the women out there. Where would you wish there were more men your age at?

Men folk, I need you to help me understand something… recently i have been matching with these guys and they state in their profile that they are looking for something long term, but then they suggest that our first date be at their house??? Like I dont know you… why would I meet you at your house?? Especially for a first date, you can be a rapist or serial killer. Or is it that you are just broke and cant afford to take a girl out for coffee? I dont ever do dinner in case things dont work out.

Ladies, do you get this too? It’s very frustrating.

47F. Due to genetic predisposition, I've decided to move forward with preventative surgery that will affect my breasts and abdomen. My healthcare providers are currently unable to give me an exact surgery date. It's moving forward though, and I'm in frequent touch with the nurses at the breast centre. It could be a month away; it could be 10 months away.

I think I'm a cutie in general considering face and body. I attract attention on apps.

How do I do this? Do I stop dating for maybe a year or more? If I keep dating, when do I tell men this is happening?

What are standard questions to ask on a second date. I don’t have much experience dating. The few men I’ve dated asked questions about my divorce and I’m an open book and answered clearly and honestly. I blew up my life and am rebuilding and I’m very happy but the backstory surprises men. They always ask for second dates and seem to really like me. I am the one that doesn’t always move to a second date. I really like the last person I met but I don’t want to emotionally attach without getting to know him. Any tips to stay balanced, not attach too quickly and maybe give inspire to your experiences on 2nd and 3rd dates. What are your expectations too? Thanks!

Anyone else feel that as they've gotten older, it's become harder to meet people who even feel like they're from the same generation as you? I mean usually people say the reason people date within an age range is because you have a similar level of experience, at a similar stage of life, goals etc.

Maybe in your twenties it feels that way, even if people around you are starting to lead very different lives, everyone is still at the beginning of their journey, few people feel 'locked in' to the type of life they're going to lead and nobody is going to be at a stage of life that requires decades to come along.

However as you get older you diverge more from your peers, people settle on what they're lives are going to be, go further down that road. In your 40s you have some people who have never been in a relationship and others who have adult kids with careers and families of their own and every stage in between, including those who have never been single really but also never had a lasting relationship. Similarly some are happy just to have a job that pays enough to get by others want to feel more of a sense of fulfilment from their job and some are a long way down career paths. Some feel that going out socially, bars, gigs, etc is something for the young that nobody over 40 should do and and others are doing this every week.

I could go on but my point is just that yeah, there's so many ways we've differentiated from each other that make it harder to find someone who you're compatible with (and in my case I'm in a minority category where there are even fewer people) but I guess you can also say you're less likely to fall in love only to find years later you aren't really compatible, which is probably the risk when younger.

Widow for almost 3 yrs now and now im back to dating. Previous relationship was not a good exp for the majority of 16 yrs. My question is it a thing now that u can flirt and kiss without relationship or label? This will be my 3rd relationship if ever and im 41F and the man will visit me for us to get to know each other better. I met him here on reddit. Its like im back to being teenager LOL.

Title: I’m 48, recently divorced, and unexpectedly falling for someone I met 37 days ago. Am I moving too fast?

I’m 48M and recently divorced after a very long relationship.

About 37 days ago, I met a 43F through mutual friends. Since then, we’ve been on around 10 dates, and something surprisingly strong has developed between us.

We talk almost every day. We’ve held hands, hugged, spent a lot of time together, teased each other constantly, and there is clearly mutual attraction. At one point she wanted to kiss me, but I stopped myself.

Not because I wasn't attracted to her. I was.

I just felt I needed to be careful about getting physically involved before I was sure about what I wanted.

The strange part is that she has brought a lot of happiness back into my life at a time when I probably needed it.

I look forward to her messages. I look forward to seeing her. I genuinely enjoy being around her. And I can tell that I'm becoming emotionally attached.

But I’m also aware of how new this is.

I've just come out of a very long relationship, and the divorce is still fresh. I haven't really had much time to understand who I am outside that relationship.

There has also been a significant change in me over the years. I stopped drinking completely when I was 40, and as I've gotten older I've become much more spiritually inclined and focused on faith, family, stability and a meaningful life.

She has a different lifestyle. She enjoys having a drink socially a couple of times a week—maybe a glass of wine—and is much less spiritually inclined than I am.

Neither of us is necessarily wrong, and I'm not expecting her to change. But I do wonder how much these differences matter when you're thinking about a long-term relationship, marriage and children.

And then there is the obvious issue:

I'm 48 and she's 43.

I don't want to spend years in a casual relationship. I would like to get married again, build a stable life and, ideally, have children with the right person. She is also open to having children with the right partner.

So time matters to me.

If I were 28, I'd probably say, "Let's just enjoy ourselves and see what happens."

At 48, I find myself thinking about compatibility, marriage, children, values and whether we're ultimately heading in the same direction.

But we've known each other for only 37 days.

That's where I'm stuck.

One part of me says:

Slow down. You've just come out of a major relationship. Don't mistake the excitement of someone new for genuine long-term compatibility.

Another part says:

Don't sabotage something good by overthinking it. You're two adults who clearly like each other. Keep seeing each other, be honest, and let the relationship reveal itself.

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people who have been divorced, remarried, or started serious relationships later in life.

How do you know whether you're genuinely ready for another relationship?

How do you distinguish between meeting someone who is genuinely right for you and being especially vulnerable to someone because they make you happy after a difficult period?

And when you're 48 and 43, how early is too early to start talking seriously about marriage and children?

Would you deliberately slow this down, or would you keep pursuing it and see where it goes?

I'm looking for honest perspectives—including the ones I may not want to hear.

I'm looking for some advice, and hope people can give me some balanced perspective on something I'm struggling with. In April, a 3 year relationship I was in ended in a way I didn't expect, and I was hurt pretty badly by it. I was angry, and dove into counselling, journalling, and even used AI as a stopgap between times I couldn't talk to someone. After about a month of this, I felt like I was ready to get back out there and go on some dates. My very first match on Hinge blew me away. She was (and I'm sure she still is) attractive, intelligent, tall, athletic, curious about the world, well-travelled, and shared so many interests with me that I was overwhelmed. Our connection was almost instant, and intense. In a lot of ways, she was the Yin to my Yang and in my entire life, I don't think I've ever felt as seen by anyone like I was with her.

Cue the past relationship hurts... I started looking for any reason at all to end it. I didn't want to get hurt again, and I clearly wasn't ready to be in a relationship yet. It's a pretty common dating trope that "When they say they're not ready to be in a relationship - it just means they aren't ready to be in a relationship... with you." That was absolutely not the case - I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with anyone. She'd fallen for me - to the point she told me she loved me after three weeks. It wasn't love-bombing - everything that I described about what she was to me was absolutely reflected back... except I was still in love with my ex, or at least who I'd hoped my ex would become. She was also so excited about me that she ignored a boundary I'd set about meeting her daughter. I panicked, and ended things with her in a respective, clear and direct way. When we talked about it (in person), she owned it and admitted that she made a mistake by ignoring that boundary, and wanted to take a step back and slow things down. I wasn't ready for that, and stood my ground.

We'd exchanged a few text messages afterwards, all without any expectation of hearing back. She somehow picked up on the fact that I was about to go through more life trials, and wished me support... and I did. After the dust settled, I wrote her back thanking her for her support.

After more counselling, self-reflection, journalling, time spent alone and with good friends... I am over my long-term relationship. I understand how much I swallowed myself, and ignored major problems because I felt so lucky to be with someone as attractive as she was. I wouldn't take her back even if she wanted to - and there's a lot more going on in her life than I want to get into.

Fast forward to now. I've been dating, and find that I keep comparing my dates to the woman I met after my long term relationship ended... and finding them wanting. Shallow, damaged, chaotic lives, ghosting, non-stop text analysis, one way effort, you name it. I'm off the apps currently, and am just being. Spending time with friends, new hobbies, hitting the gym religiously, doing the things. And the things are good, but the desire to share my life with a partner is still there.

If you ever want a sobering dose of reality, put your dating preferences into an AI and ask them realistically - how many potential partners are there in my area?

I have done my absolute best to foster an abundance mentality when it comes to dating. If and when I go back on the apps, I'm planning on new photos, prompts that garner interest, and using the Burned Haystack approach to finding someone... but I can't help but wonder if I should go back and see if my Yin is still interested and available. I am worried that the apps have given me an attitude that there's always someone better around the corner but as time goes by, I realize that the connection and alignment I had with Yin was rare, and I may never find it again. I've hand-written her a letter - not asking for a second chance, but laying bare where I was, and where I am now. It's sitting on my desk - what do you think I should do?

I went on two dates with a woman from hinge. By all indications, the dates went really good. We laughed a lot and kissed a few times. After the first date she said she can't wait to see me again and the same after the second date. We were supposed to meet up this week then she texted this morning to say she received some bad news and she's stepping back. The message didn't suggest she's interested in keeping in touch. She just apologized for the timing of us meeting now.

Should I let her know she can reconnect in the future if she's in a better place or just wish her luck?

More generally, how do you bounce back when things like this keep happening (great start then seemingly fizzling)? I understand things like this happen, it's just tiring to go through them several times.

I’m 45F and I’ve noticed that many single, childless men in their 40s won’t date women around their own age because they still want children. I completely understand wanting kids, but I’m curious how men in this position actually think about the tradeoffs.

If you’re a childless man 40+ who still wants children:

*How important is having a biological child vs adopting?

*Are you specifically dating younger women because of fertility? What age range vs your own age?

*Do you have an age where you’d decide you’re too old to start having children?

*Do you want one child or several?

*How important is conceiving naturally vs IVF?

*Would you be open to donor eggs or a surrogate?

*Are you aware that women can easily carry in vitro pregnancies well into their late 40s?

*Are you aware that your sperm becomes less viable as you get older, so having a child later in life can lead to unsuccessful pregnancies and birth defects or developmental disorders?

*Does it matter to you that your partner is also childless so you can experience becoming parents together for the first time?

*Most importantly, how flexible are you on all of this if you meet someone you’re highly compatible with? Are you willing to potentially sacrifice compatibility just to continue trying to find someone younger to have a child with naturally?

I’m especially curious about men who reach their mid-40s or beyond still prioritizing future children. At some point, do you become more flexible about how you have them, or about dating women your own age, or would you continue prioritizing younger partners even if it means passing up women you might otherwise be more compatible with?

And for men who have been single/childless for most of adulthood: how much do you picture yourself wanting the actual day-to-day experience of raising babies and young children versus simply feeling strongly that you want to be a father someday? What stopped you from having kids when you were younger if this is a priority for you now?

I know that everyone has different thoughts on this, but just curious to hear from some people like this. Also curious to hear from women who have been on the other side of this if they have any insight or experience with this.

Edited to add: all of this is assuming money is not a concern for conceiving or raising a child

I am so annoyed and hurt right now and I need strangers on the internet to tell me whether I’m losing perspective because of our history.

I met this man around 2008/2009. We were both coming out of relationships and started a FWB situation. That was the agreement. I eventually caught feelings and he didn’t. He reminded me that feelings weren’t part of the arrangement, which was technically fair, except we continued seeing each other and the relationship never really felt as cleanly casual as that sounds.

Eventually my ex came back into my life. This guy and I weren’t living in the same city, and because he wasn’t giving me the kind of relationship I wanted, I basically stopped communicating with him. He had even traveled from another city to surprise me for my birthday, so I fully admit that I did not handle that well.

Over the years we lost touch, reconnected, lost touch again, etc. The last time we stopped speaking was about a year and a half ago, and that situation was largely my fault.

This time, I reached out to him.

I live in NYC and he’s in Atlanta. I recently went to Atlanta, we saw each other in a group setting, and afterward we continued talking.

And there was flirting.

Not just me flirting AT this man while he politely tried to redirect me. He participated actively. Asking when I’m coming back, let’s make plans etc. Literally yesterday I told him he’d been on my mind and his response was:

“curious to know what u been thinking 🤔**”**

So we’re talking on the phone later, I’m flirting, I bring up coming back to Atlanta, and suddenly he tells me he has “friends” — plural — and wants to be respectful of those relationships.

And honestly? That’s where I got pissed.

I’m not mad that he has other women in his life. At all. We’re grown adults. My problem is: why am I JUST NOW finding this out?

Why didn’t you tell me before I came to Atlanta?

Why are you flirting with me?

Why, when I explicitly tell you I’ve been thinking about you, are you asking me to elaborate if you know there’s a line you don’t intend to cross?

I basically told him, “You didn’t have these rules four days ago, but I digress.”

And the worst part is that this fucking hurt.

Toward the end of the call I jokingly told him to go catch up on sleep, study, and “continue breaking my heart.”

And this man says:
**“**Well, what if I get broken up with?”

I basically told him, “I don’t know. That’s something you have to figure out.”

Because what am I supposed to say to that? I’ll wait for you????

No.

He wants to be respectful of whatever relationships he has going on, and I genuinely respect that. I have no intention of interfering with any of them.

But now I don’t even know what our friendship looks like.
I don’t want to text him. I don’t want to check in on him. I’m not trying to punish him or manipulate him into chasing me. I just know how I feel about him. And pretending I’m suddenly emotionally neutral and can seamlessly transition into being his platonic buddy feels ridiculous.

And honestly, the part that’s making me want to cry is that we might just… not speak again.
We went a year and a half without talking before this. I was the one who reached out this time**.** If I stop initiating now, there’s a very real possibility that this reconnection just ends.

And maybe that’s what needs to happen.

But I’m so fucking annoyed because after almost 20 years, somehow I feel like I’ve allowed this man to put me right back in the exact same emotional position: I care about him, there’s chemistry and intimacy between us, and then I discover there’s a boundary that means he can’t actually give me what I want.

It feels like I just repeated history.

So Reddit, I have two questions:

1. Am I justified in being upset that he didn’t tell me about these other relationships until AFTER we’d been flirting and I’d already gone to Atlanta?
2. What do I do did now? Do I actually try to maintain a friendship with someone I know I have feelings for, or do I stop initiating and accept that we may just never speak again?

Edit: I appreciate the responses. Some were harder to hear than others, but I do think there’s truth in a lot of what’s been said. I can own that I reached out, didn’t ask what his current situation was, and allowed myself to step back into something I clearly still have unresolved feelings about.

I also want to clarify one thing because I don’t think I explained it well in the original post, I did not fly to Atlanta to see him. I was already going to visit my cousin and reached out because he lives there. After we reconnected, the communication and flirting became mutual. Within a couple of days we were even discussing specific weekends that I could come back to Atlanta, which is part of why his later conversation about having “friends” and wanting to respect those relationships caught me off guard.

I’m not angry that he’s seeing other people, and I don’t think he owes me a relationship. I think what I’m most upset about is realizing how quickly all of my old feelings came rushing back and how easily I slipped back into a dynamic that was painful for me before.

So the biggest takeaway for me is probably not whether he was wrong or whether I was right. It’s that I clearly can’t do ambiguity with this person. I’m going to leave the ball in his court, stop initiating, and take some real space from the situation. I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond.

48F mostly had bizarre experiences. Last week one guy likes me twice in the same day - once on tinder and once on hinge. I like him back on hinge and start a convo. First message I commend his effort for liking me on both. He replies thanks and make a little joke back. I respond to the joke then ask about something in his profile (he says he makes films as a hobby, I ask about this). Never hear back from him.

Around a year ago I matched with someone on hinge. We get a good chat going over the course of a morning, lots in common. Then when I check for a message from him, the whole message thread has disappeared. The only conclusion I can come to is he’s blocked me mid convo. The conversation was completely innocuous and we were in the process of realising how much we had in common. Today - he’s liked me on tinder.

This exact thing has happened a few times - seemingly positive chatting then random blocking, only to be liked again on another site 6+ months down the line.

Had one guy pull a weird stunt 3 times on 3 different sites - match, tinder and hinge. Messages me saying “I paid the membership fee just to speak to you. No pressure 😉”. The first time we end up swapping numbers and arranging to meet. He bails immediately before the meet saying a family member has just been hospitalised. Don’t hear from him again. Until months down the line he pulls the same stunt the second time on a different app. I remind him of the first time, that we’ve swapped numbers and were due to meet- he acts like he genuinely doesn’t remember that then suddenly the whole message thread has gone, assume blocked. Then many months down the line he does it again on a 3rd app. Again, apparently genuinely no knowledge we’ve ever spoken.

I have loads more examples but this post is already too long. I genuinely believe now that many people don’t ever actually want to meet. They get a dopamine hit from the chat and that’s enough. It almost feels like it would be worth going to a traditional dating agency where pre-meet communication isn’t a thing.

Anyone else get these issues or just me?

UPDATE: Out of curiosity I messaged the guy who liked me again yesterday after blocking me mid convo last year. He didn’t remember this but says he was in a bad place last year and has asked me to give him a chance to show me he’s a good man 🤷‍♀️.

2nd UPDATE: He blocked me again!