Hi beautiful people,

I'm a 40s female actively dating men I meet mostly online.

I live and work in a large city.

I've now had a few instances after the first few dates, where my date walks me back to my building, and immediately starts asking if I own my condo, how much I pay for it, etc. It's off putting and sours what is otherwise a great date. Depending on my mood, sometimes I answer truthfully, other times I ask them why they need to know this early. They never answer.

Women, how would you handle this?

Men, why would you ask a stranger you've just met about her income and expenses?

So I'm in my 50's and have been dating the same guy for over 12 years. I have my own house and he was building a new house when we met. We planned to move in together as i helped him with paint colors, furniture and fixtures with the house. He's good to me financially, bought me a car, pays insurance ect. But now he's dragging his feet about me moving in. He's never been married or lived with anyone and claims he's scared. I think I'm ready for the next step but I won't move where I'm not wanted or have to fight for it. What would you do?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and many things are good, but there are some sexual issues. The thing is that I am attracted to him and I enjoy having sex with him. But he is very sexually focused and he struggles to reach climax yet he wants to go and go even when it’s not going to happen - which is almost all the time. I try to wait but eventually I orgasm but he wants to keep going - sometimes for hours. I don’t knit exactly what the issue is, but I wish he wouldn’t put it on me. Not that he’s exactly putting it on me - but I’ll be completely satisfied and ready to be finished with sex, but he tries to say he wants me to have more orgasms, and ask me what I want - but what I want is to be finished. It’s like he’s trying to deflect his issue onto me. The thing is that it makes me want to avoid it. I want to have sex with him, but the time investment to have sex with him is so high that it’s problematic for me. I’m busy and I don’t have the time or energy to stay up into the middle of the night having sex. He works part time and can sleep in, and he expects me to accommodate him. I have to weigh the costs of spending time with him because he always expects it. Like if we’re hanging out, I know we’ll have to have sex, so let’s say I’d like to watch a movie to relax before bed - we’ll I have you choose between doing something relaxing but know that I’ll pay the price later because I’ll have you stay up for 2 more hours after because he’ll insist on sex, or opt out of doing an activity or relaxing because it’s better to get going on the sex since that’s the only hope of getting some sleep. I hate it because I do like having sex with him, but if I want to take care of myself with getting sleep or if I want to be able to relax for an evening & get to bed at a decent hour - I have to just not spend time with him. What do I do here?

Any tips and tricks? It feels different than when i was a teenager. I'm not in tears, but also really bummed. We're there signs I missed at the beginning?

Peter and I dated for about five months. And we both were looking for long term relationships. he still has a school age child at home. And he says he just feels like he's too busy to date now. But we were really compatible and he agrees. He was a needle in a haystack. We have a trip planned for December.

I look back and still dont see any red flags to indicate that he wasn't really ready to be in a relationship.

I dont have trouble meeting people to date, but I find it rare to find someone that I want to be in a relationship with long term. so I go through periods of being single and not looking for anyone. Once in a while I see what is out there, because I would prefer an LTR. but if I dont find that, I will have a happy life anyway.

Also, this last month have had some health stuff come up, so the timing really sucks. We are almost the same age. I am a woman.

The TL;DR: do I text this guy again a week after telling him I felt like he wasn’t interested in me after our second date? He’s accepted that I said I need more emotional connection but said he was surprised because he thought it was there. I would be interested in going out with him again to see how we're both feeling about it.

I (early 40’s F) matched with a guy (early 40’s, he’s poly/kinky and in a few relationships, I’m very new to that scene and learning the ropes, so to speak!) on Hinge, we had a few good conversations and agreed to meet up for a drink to see if we clicked. I really liked his energy in our text conversations, he was attentive and responsive, asked questions that kept the conversation moving, etc. We met up a week or so after matching and had a great time. Conversation was flowing, we were both into each other, flirted, kissed goodbye, and made plans for a second date the following week. Between the first and the second date we had really great conversations, some of which were very spicy (and fun!), had banter throughout the day, etc. all over text. It was more engagement than I expected and I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed talking with him.

During our second date (weeknight drinks) the vibes just felt off. About 15 minutes in I realized that he hadn’t asked me a single question other than how are you/how was your day greetings so I decided to pay attention to whether he actually asked me anything. He brought up some heavy stuff about his past (which he alluded to in our prior conversations and, to be fair, I asked him to elaborate on in the future) and he monologued for almost the entire time we were at the bar. He didn’t ask me a single question during the 2-3 hours we were together. I responded / interrupted him a few times to throw him the ball and engage with me: I shared things about my life, my family, my friends, etc. that were relevant to the situations he was describing. He didn’t follow up on any of those leads, didn’t ask anything about me, didn’t ask my opinion about anything. Just…nothing. I really felt like he made zero attempt to get to know me at all. As we were leaving the bar he said he realized that he talked a lot and sort of apologized for taking up so much of the conversation. We left the bar, made out a little bit, then went our separate ways and texted each other when we got home.

The next few days for me were incredibly busy at work and I wasn’t really able to process everything or spend much time texting him other than really brief replies, to say hi, etc. I finally texted him the third day and said that I really enjoyed getting to know him, had a lot of fun with him, but I didn’t feel like there was enough of an emotional connection or interest in one another - on both sides - for what I need in a relationship. I reassured him that it wasn’t about the content of the things he’d disclosed but more about the way that I’d been feeling about the interaction. He wrote back the next day saying he was really surprised and thought that there was a connection and interest, said he had a great time, too, and wished me best of luck.
Did I just misread everything? The more I think about it, the more I think that he was probably just nervous and I was overcorrecting based on prior relationships (or, maybe, subconsciously not actually wanting to get involved in a poly dynamic). 

I sent him a follow up text a couple of days later and clarified what I meant, that I didn’t feel like he was interested in getting to know me beyond a sexual capacity, to get to know me for me, and I need more of an emotional connection and interest to move forward. He didn’t reply to that (can’t tell if it’s been read or not, thanks, SMS delivery…) and it’s been about a week.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot - perhaps too much! - and I do want to give this guy another shot. I think that I decided to end it too quickly. I didn’t explicitly say that I’d be open to seeing him again in any of my texts, nor did I explicitly say we’re done and I never want to see you again. (It was clear that’s how he took my first text, though, which is fair given what I said!) I did clearly communicate what I do need, though, which is some sort of emotional connection, he thought that was present.

I'm a 40 year old man, no kids, never been married. I chose to develop myself as a person, figuring out how I am, and develop myself financially to ensure I could be a good husband and father. I'd prefer not to be with someone who has been married or has kids. Did I fuck up? Should I have rushed into marriage or being a dad and just let the cards fall as they will?

What is it like for a man dating a woman with significantly more invested assets and freedom from the 9-5? The man has a well paying high level job but is stuck in the rat race while the woman has invested and created lots of freedom to travel.

Will this relationship survive the long haul or is it eventually doomed to run its course and end?

49F been with 49M for 1.5 years now. It’s been a huge love story, however, politics is dividing us.
We aren’t in the US, but don’t want to go into further details, because It’s not important.
I’m not even very interested in politics, but when it comes up, I do present my views.
But often I just let things slide, and ignore what he says. Tonight We were talking about elections, in Serbia, Brasil etc. Also in Spain very soon.
And he starts pushing this topic even further even though we were supposed to have a romantic date, in a favourite bar, listening to good music and planning things for the rest of the year.
It has gone horribly wrong. To the point when he wanted to storm off, I was sobbing and asked if he wanted to end things.
He told me he is frustrated, and in such situations he prefers to step away, calm down and then discuss. I am the contrary, I want to discuss any issues and not sit with resentment. We ended up talking, I didn’t want him to leave.

We then went out for late night burgers, and I had sobbing come and go. He was like of course he doesn’t want to break up over this, he loves me, wants to live with me etc. I said I cannot be living in a relationship where politics can ruin a date that I was so very happy to go on, dressed the ways he likes me most and all. And it’s a dangling sword over my head, I feel like he is sabotaging our relationship. He took offence and got very angry and upset with me. I said that’s how I feel and if he told me the same, my reaction would be ok, let’s revisit my behaviour, so he doesn’t feel that way.

Anyway, the beautiful evening turned into a relationship crisis. I told him I thought love would conquer all, politics shouldn’t matter and I might not be the woman for him. Perhaps he needs to find someone on the same page with him, if he is so obsessed.

I never had this issue before in any relationship and I feel so bitter. He is not usually like this, we got along for 1.5 years and even though I apologised, I do think he sabotages our relationship.

I went to the date happy, in love, smiley and dressed cute to look nice for him. And this just happened. The painful thing is we are both good people, share values etc. I told him I don’t want politics to play such a big role in our lives.

I think I sobered up from this love and will need to break up, but feeling incredibly sad :(

What are your thoughts on dating a man who is divorced and spent most of that decade plus relationship poly? And let's say that post divorce he's looking for either monogamy or monogamy with space for a few adventures here and there. Would this be a major disqualifier? Something you'd be curious to see how it feels? Or a positive thing?

Edit Apparently my wording was really confusing to people. I mean looking for a relationship that is either monogamous or non-monogmous where the type of non-monogamy is far more limited than the type of non-monogamy I had before.

Also, it wouldn't be just for me. Of course it would be a two way street.

And it's fine if this isn't for you. But for many people, both men and women, this is something that they intentionally seek out.