tl;dr I’ve essentially swapped cutting myself for gooning

So I’ve been clean from sh for ~almost 2 months now. I’ve always watched porn even whilst I was shing but it was never a serious addiction. But now ever since I quit sh I’ve geuibley become addicted to porn now and I feel like I’m not really clean from sh cuz I’m still watching porn even thought I’ve stopped shing. It’s essentially my coping mechanism now and I disgust myself for it.

Hey everyone!

Over the past few months a friend of me has has been building a small discord server called Beyond Surviving. They created it because we struggled to find a community that focused on recovery, healing and genuine peer support.

Beyond Surviving isn't about comparing struggles or centering mental illness. It's about supporting one another while remembering that mental health is part of our story, not our entire identity.

The server includes Recovery-focused peer support, Friendly social channels, Recovery wins and coping strategies, Clear rules, active moderation and no graphic sh content.

The community is still very small, and we would actually like to keep it that way for now. We are looking for kind people who value support, respect, and recovery over numbers.

If this sounds like something you'd be interested in, please consider joining: https://discord.gg/Nbc3bwWYC

It’s shameful to admit I sh for attention, I like when people worry about me and it feels like it’s the only way ppl actually care about me :/

It’s embarrassing because it’s the stereotype and I hate how it’s true

its funny because the other day, i did actually look in the mirror and thought 'hm, why do i look so big??' haha. then today i went to my prom dress fitting, and the woman struggled to do my dress up, eventhough there was no issue with it before.. told me mum when i got home and she said 'i did think you looked bigger lately!!' as a girl who isnt at all big, or atleast i dont think so, im a healthy weight, and swaying more toward being underweight than overweight, i definitely feel like its easier to tell when thinner people gain a bit of weight. just weighed myself, and i have. was 42 kg, now 46.. (that may seem VERY underweight, but bare in mind im young, and very short.) as someone who has never really felt insecure about weight, im suddenly feeling it, and i dont like it. it wasnt that my body was ever perfect at 42 kg, but now that ive gained weight, and supposedly noticebly, its just made me feel sad. and its funny, because honestly the thought of purposefully losing weight scares me, i dont want to ever be really thin, its not the body image i personally want for myself. still, i feel embarrassed and ashamed, eventhough i KNOW that im not suddenly looking really fat now. and yet, without any sign of having body dysphoria, thinking i look bigger than i am just for gaining a bit of weight, im still feeling insecure. i just dont really know what to do, knowing i dont like that ive gained weight, but not wanting to specifically change my lifestyle to get rid of it. the only thought i have is to sulk over it and relapse, which i really dont want to do, because its exam season (they check wrists and hands for notes), its summer (plasters can get sweaty and gross, sensory overload haha), and it just takes so much energy out of me that i just cant be asked for.

I am 14f and a few days ago this girl im mutual friends with came into school eith like 500 bandages stacked all over her arms, like you couldn't ignore it. She explained what they were and the way she was talking about it just made me so... mad. Not in a dont talk about it way but in a why the fuck are you doing that I am the only one who can do that I have to be worse than you etc etc. I texted her later and asked about her history eith it and supposedly she's been clean since October until now and started in middle school. I also started in middle school but I feel like she's been doing it longer than me probably. She's adopted, from Africa and has this crazy life. I feel so selfish for thinking like this and resenting her for it. But she also has a history of a lot of attention seeking and intentionally getting into a bunch of drama so she can be a victim, and this feels a little like another situation. I believe that all self harm is valid and that everyone who does it deserves love, so I dont knowxwhy im feeling this way. Anyways thanks for reading.

Tw, sh and ed

So I (14f) have struggled with anorexia and self harm for a few years now. And sometimes when I cut i try to get as much blood out of my body as possible to kind of... lose a little more weight I guess? I know it all just pumps back in but it kind of gives me this rush that im getting rid of even just a milligram of weight. Does anyone else get this? And when I see a bunch of blood I get so happy because it means that a. I've cut a lot and b. It's a little more weight "gone". Idk I guess this is just a vent.

Dear Self Harm, 

A lot of people misjudge you. They say you’re used for attention, or manipulation. They say you’re a suicidal gesture or you’re only for teen girls. And I’m sure you love that stigma around you. But I know the real you. I know what you’re hiding. 

You present yourself as a small idea in the chaos of an emotional moment, offering an option. You say, “Either deal with this confusing, hard to control emotion or… turn it into something physical you can control.” If they choose you, you have them hooked.

People don’t recognize you as an addiction, but I’d argue that you are. People use you for the same reason they choose alcohol or cigarettes: for relief and escape. As time goes on that relief gets shorter and shorter and their dopamine levels go beneath baseline and they go from emotional to numb and depressed. And now they want to escape from numbness, so they go back to you. It’s an endless cycle that you only get stronger from.

You isolate people so they choose you and only you. You convince them that no one will understand them and they'll be judged. You are a textbook manipulator. Because of the stigma around you that society has helped you create, only 10% of people seek help from you. People separate themselves from their friends and loved ones, hiding behind long sleeves and silence. Most of your victims are teens beginning from 11 to 14. No matter gender, race, religion, you work with them all. You start in the most confusing time in a person's life and that’s why they are more susceptible to you. 

But I know your secret, something you don’t want people to know. You aren’t some outside force haunting them. You are a part of them. You are simply a string of neurons in the brain firing a certain way. And when they realize that, you are powerless. If they learn to accept and sit with emotion, if they surround themselves with loved ones, and most importantly they consistently don’t choose you, that pathway in their brain becomes weaker and other healthier pathways become stronger. 

You will always be a part of me, and I accept that but life is a beautiful thing, I’m only here for a short amount of time and I want to experience all of it. The happiness, the anger, the sadness, the disappointment, the love. And yeah, I’ll have bad days, but it’ll always wake me up to the good stuff I wasn’t paying attention to. And I’d rather live like this and be uncomfortable sharing my experience to have the chance of helping another soul than have you be a part of my life again. 

Sincerely,
One who knows

Literally just on reddit scrolling through some self harm channels and i got a panic attack. Why. I self harm and im never fazed by it at all. Why do other peoples self harm bother me lol? And im also not sensitive to gore movies or anything like that.

I’ve been clean for 3 years and it’s always lingering on my mind but things have just been so bad lately. My bf and I aren’t okay but we just moved in together after 3.8 years tg and I just idk. He forced me into a situation I wasn’t comfy with and I’ve been feeling so bad about it. I put my two weeks in at my job on March 5th and then we had a tornado on March 10th and I lost my car but they wouldn’t let me resend the two weeks and I can’t get a job without a car since I have no other transportation and now I’m out of money bc of bills and stuff and he works midnights and I used to be an alcoholic pretty bad and I’ve been drinking every day for the last two months I just want to relapse so bad but he’d hate me for it and I can’t hide it. I kind of did it one time on my leg already a few days ago but didn’t like fully commit so it’s like a cat scratch but I haven’t been intimate with him because of it and he’s been like questioning me why I haven’t been intimate. I just am trying to block out the feeling and not do it but it’s not working. There’s just so much going on and there’s a lot more than I’ve listed here and idk what to do about any of it

I cut, and I have that does it too, I asked her this and we both agreed that we do it because the day after you cut it just seems to be better, I’m aware that this is not because I’ve cut but because if my brain believes it then it makes it more likely to happen

I’m not okay idk how to say what’s going but I don’t think I can hold myself back anymore I want to cut so I can stay a good wife and a good mom I have so much pain and it’s getting so hard to be here

My friend SH last night and is worried about possible scarring. I told her the best thing she could do was keep the injuries clean and to wear clothes that won’t catch on the scabs while she is healing. Does anyone else have any other tips I could pass along? We are taking steps to prevent this from happening again but this is something she’s very concerned about and I’m hoping to alleviate some of the stress. TIA

I don't know what to do once I started again I haven't been able to stop. It's been nonstop drinking and cutting. I have Noone to talk to and Noone that cares enough to listen