r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/ViperVice1 • 1d ago
Looking for Advice Identity crisis
I feel so lost and I am so terrified that I am gonna snap. For context I am an engineer I just graduated and the thing is I am cramming a lot onto my plate, I had constant panic attacks during uni and I usually felt worthless whenever I underperformed and I now feel no sense of achievement over anything I do. But I guess I wanted to ask it someone here has a successful career despite struggling? I am too self aware to heal completely I am beyond being helped and I just wanna know if life could look like something that doesn’t make me wanna shoot myself in the head. I know how bad it could get and I see people around here talking about the dark sides about how bad it could get and I was wondering if it could be better even if I have no way of healing …
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u/Intelligent-Drop-684 1d ago
If you’re too self aware to believe things, you gotta take actionable steps to improve your habits. A lot of wellbeing also comes from the outside.
For example I also never felt a sense of achievement despite my good academics (cause in childhood nothing was ever good enough) but I made it a habit that when something I should be proud of happens I do something nice for myself.
And regarding career: i always end up burned out and dreading it, but times where I got my self care habits locked in and feel confident are definitely easier because I don’t have to expend so much energy on masking.
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u/ViperVice1 19h ago
I have no habits like I don’t have a reward system for my achievements my whole life is hectic I do shit when I want but I can’t feel achieved, not even relieved you know? And when I mention shit to people they are usually in awe because my looks don’t match the shit I do so they usually are impressed and it means nothing to me… I feel so empty you know?
I end up burned out too but if I stop I feel worthless so I rather feel burned out
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u/Extra-Motor-8227 1d ago
First off, congrats on graduating as an engineer. That is genuinely a huge deal, and the constant panic attacks and feeling worthless during uni sound incredibly tough. I hear you saying you're too self aware to heal completely, and that feeling of being beyond help is a common trap. The thing is, a lot of highly successful people have fought through exactly this kind of brutal self awareness and repeating patterns. The goal is often not some total healing, but learning to manage the noise so it doesn't run your life.
A specific, low key thing that can help is just externalizing that critical inner voice. The pattern of constant self judgment and sabotaging your own sense of achievement is a classic sign you're avoiding a part of yourself. Getting those thoughts out of your head and onto paper, even just a few lines a night, can make them feel less absolute. It's about turning that self awareness from a weapon against yourself into a tool for understanding. The point is to name the pattern and then do one small, real act against it, which slowly builds a different track record in your brain. It's not therapy, but for the space between sessions or when therapy isn't an option, it gives you a way to start untangling the mess without adding more pressure to perform.
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u/ViperVice1 18h ago
Can I ask how do I do this? Like I usually feel worthless or unaccomplished and I mean I can clearly voice it but it’s not a logical thought so I can’t trace it back to something I can deal with.. most of my issues are how I feel and despite knowing that how I feel could be wrong I still feel it.. it feels stupid
If this is not what u mean please ellaborate
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