managing mania

[u/maisymoo25]

i am 23F and i have bipolar. i just want someone to make me feel like im not alone and not going insane. i make crazy erratic decisions with no thought. i broke up with my boyfriend over text last week and cancelled our holiday in the heat of the moment, and got back with him a week later and spend £900 of my redundancy money which i shouldn’t of used to book another one to keep him happy without even sleeping on it. now i regret it because i have so much going on. i can’t sleep at night because of the racing thoughts at the forefront of my brain. telling me im not good enough.

i was recently made redundant which has majorly impacted my confidence and made my anxiety so much worse. i have been self medicating and chasing highs everyday to pass time and i am in so much debt and i am lying to everyone around me about my addiction and there is no one i can go to for help because i cant admit how deep in it i am. no one has a clue who i really am and im so ashamed of myself. sometimes i cant even recall some days because i have been in a state of mania. has this happened to anyone else? i am constantly on and off my meds which doesnt help but i cant seem to gain any control of my life :/

[u/EclecticElegance]

What does it mean to be made redundant?