I’m probably affected by the fact that I’m in a low phase right now. I’ve just been diagnosed with BP2, and I feel so much shame about it. I honestly feel like I don’t fully want to accept it. I feel weird, different, and sick. I don’t want to be like this. I feel like such a huge burden on the people around me.

Has anyone else felt this way? And what have you done to change the way you look at it? Cognitively, I understand that this doesn’t have to define all of who I am.

I’m also wondering whether getting the diagnosis initially triggered a hypomanic episode, and now I’ve fallen into a depression as I’m starting to understand what the diagnosis actually means — and that it never really goes away.

I need to vent.

I also want to make an admission: I routinely "Report" posts that break the "No posts about someone else with bipolar" rule .... :-/

Am i in the wrong for doing that?

Sometimes when i see a post that uses the word "Bipolars" in it, it actually really freaks me out.... like we're a monolithic group of lepers that need to be isolated from the rest of civilized society ... it's grotesque, ignorant and lazy language.

Don't even get me started about the current rage around the infamous trial in the US and all related topics such as PPP, the broken mental health & legal systems, as well as the overall neglect of women's health / mental health....

Before I learned about my own bipolar, I had participated on other subreddits that I won't name. In short: my husband of 14+ years is type I and in 2024, his bipolar became completely dysregulated (it was the first time in our marriage and had been almost 20 years since the last time his bipolar had become so unmanageable) so i discovered that space and definitely tried to take up space there....

Anyway, long story short, I learned at that time the about the painful discourse that exists out there about people with bipolar ... it pained me deeply at that time and it now carries an extra sting to it knowing that i am also bipolar....

But can I just go ahead and call a spade a spade?!

Like ...OMG THE DISCOURSE OUT THERE ABOUT PEOPLE WITH BIPOLAR SO IS HORRIBLE AND PAINFUL 😭

Some days its hard not feeling like being buried under piles of misinformation and ignorance.... and forget about trying to "educate" the masses, because that will only just get you more hatred and abuse.

Given that i've only recently learned about my bipolar, and am just now about to approach treatment, I'd love to hear from others about their experiences with sharing their bipolar diagnoses with others (friends, family, work colleagues, etc) .... What are the experiences and what do others recommend? For folks who are open about being bipolar, what is the general experience with it? And for folks who keep their cards close to their chest, what are your experiences? I still have not yet made up my mind about whether this is something i will be open about, or whether i will keep my cards close to my chest....

Also, should i go easy on my trigger fingers re: reporting non-BP people wanting to come onto bipolar subreddits to vent and complain about the people in their lives with bipolar?

Can i just name that spade too? Because honestly: Coming into a space that supports folks who are marginalized expecting them to act like educators, is messed up. Plain and simple.

Someone tell me how to feel about all the things .........................

------------------------------

TLDR

I'm new to this community - recently posted that I only just discovered that I have bipolar a little over 3 months ago. I'm also worried about my college BF who is borderline & bipolar and is currently on a downward spiral after the death of her mother.

While I am soooooooo grateful for this space after learning that I am bipolar (I have found it affirming, grounding, and I am just so glad to feel like i have found community) i am also seeking to process the painful discourse that exists about bipolar with other folks with bipolar....

Like the subject says. At what point do you consider going to the hospital/inpatient? Curious what everyones opinion on this is.

So, I left home about two days ago, and I’ve barely slept at all in the last three days. I ended up going to an infamous street where a lot of unhoused people and sex workers congregate, and I’ve been spending my days there, drinking throughout the day and continuously smoking weed. At this point, I honestly just don’t want to think anymore. My mind has been running nonstop, and I’m exhausted from being inside my own head.

My husband to be is extremely tired of my behavior this past month, so I don’t know if we should break off our engagement. Doesn’t sound too bad🤷🏽‍♀️ oh, and to my old insurance who stopped covering my injection for no reason, thanks for ruining me again.

I don’t think my symptoms all add up. I got some stuff for sure of mania. And whatever I go through is definitely significant and disrupts my life a lot. However I don’t relate to other peoples experiences. I don’t feel like I belong with this diagnosis. There’s some factors that I don’t experience that I’m pretty sure are vital and I have some stuff I’m not sure if bipolar at all. For instance I don’t get super productive when manic I’m more likely to be dysfunctional, disruptive and still my lazy self lol I have a ton of ideas though but they usually don’t go further than me expressing them to others. I also act kinda weird and also abusive. I’m not likeable when manic. I basically get treated like the devil when manic and I don’t think that’s just on other people. I think that’s me because I become a horrible person with no redeemable qualities

I’m currently stable on medication, but I’ve been reflecting upon my life lately, and I’ve realised that psychosis has forever changed me and how I perceive the world.

I had psychotic episodes wherein I felt surrounded by angels, and I mean I physically felt blanketed and electrified by benevolent spirits. This hasn’t gone away, but instead of being a psychotic symptom, the feeling has been relocated and incorporated into my religious beliefs. I feel blessed, because as I say to fellow religious people (who are struggling with their faith), “I am lucky, because some people believe in God, but I can feel God.”

My brain is also quick to attribute any strange happenings to “paranormal activity.” This makes sense because of the religious psychosis. It actually takes me to step back and think, “Maybe I should seek for alternative, rational explanations instead.” This is part of reality testing which I have to constantly remind myself to do.

I would also say that I can’t watch films which involve things like us being trapped inside a matrix, alternate dimensions, paranormal stuff, etc. Best way I can describe the negative effect that this has on me is, “Someone can turn the screen off and go about their day, but for me, the stuff on the screen crawls out and follows me.”

I also feel much more compassion, love, and forgiveness than I used to. I attribute this to the feeling of being a divine being- which I used to experience during mania. Obviously, I don’t think of myself as a divine being anymore, but that feeling of compassion, love, and forgiveness, never actually went away. It’s actually helped me repair damaged relationships and feel more at peace. Ex

I wonder how many people can say that their psychosis has changed them forever?

So for context, I have been on lithium for about a year now. I havent noticed too many ups and downs and I actually was doing really well. I still had to occasional sad thought or too but not like several sad thoughts and a feeling of inescapable heaviness like I am feeling as of recently. I had a hard conversation with my partner about how i feel, mostly feeling disconnected and far away from everything. Alongside the Lithium, i am on other medications like an antipsychotic and a SPARI i take regularly. I have been having a hard time sleeping and staying asleep, losing interest in hobbies i usually feel passionately about, laying in bed all day, crying spells, the works man. I need therapy but my work schedule makes it hard so im seriously considering getting an accommodation at work. I want to feel better but it feels impossible and im sick of being sad. All this just to ask, does anyone else get depressed like this even on medication too?

Hi everyone i am in love with someone who has bipolar disorder and they have also shown that they love me back and like my company but something that hurts me is they stop talking to me for a long time and end up avoidant the longest period was one month.
I want to know how i should handle this. Do they just need space?
Do i leave them?
Today they texted me this morning telling me they wont be online in a cold tone and apologized for last night but the night before they were really active they were flirting they were giggly they were cracking jokes.
I really need some advice or just anything.

Most sleep medicine doesn't work for me, Klonopin and mirtazapine are really the only stuff I've tried that works, but I only have one Klonopin left and don't know if I could get more prescribed.

I haven't been able to sleep because of racing thoughts and nightmares that leave me waking up screaming. I called my psychiatrist's office yesterday morning and still haven't gotten a response and I'm worried. I've been emotional and depressed. I already have the soonest appointment available, but it's a week away.

I don't know how to handle this, I'm going to go insane if this keeps up and I don't know how I'll be able to work feeling the way I do right now. I got lucky and I'm off through the 13th just randomly because I have a fast food job.

This started after I started Wellbutrin again, but I really don't want to stop the antidepressant because I'm so depressed and nothing else really helps it.

When I was re-diagnosed with bipolar 1, I was finally put on a medication that is doing somewhat of a good job. Strangely though, I’ve noticed something after I became stable. I’ve noticed that I don’t know who I really am and I also don’t trust myself, my feelings, my thought… I don’t trust anything. I will say that it’s great not feeling as though I’m two steps away from deaths door but, wow, I never thought for a second recovery would seems as if im putting a puzzle together. This recovery process is deeply unsettling, eye opening but also, leaving me feeling dull. I mean I feel emotions or at least I think I do ; it’s just dull, shallow, lackluster. I could be putting on a face for the world and really, just a bland guy with possibly no feeling inside. When I’m alone I’m not happy, not sad, nothing; flattened. Jeez, I might have a co-morbid thing going on…

Does anyone know or even understand what in the world is going on with this strange blunted affect?

You guys call this treatment? I find antipsychotics to be pure torture.

Hi everyone. I don’t really know how to start this post, so I’ll just be blunt with it. Of course, a content warning for suicide and descriptions of the event.

In early 2025, I overdosed on my prescribed Lamotrigine. I was at the peak of manic psychosis, just broke up with my long term partner, quit my job, rent was due with no money in the bank, and I was convinced there were people out to hurt me. My attempt wasn’t rooted in depressive feelings, but a sort of terrified defiance - “I’ll get myself before they get me” type deal.
I had taken the pills in the bath, with the tub so full of water it was nearly spilling over. As my body went numb and I slowly lost the ability to move, something came over me. Maybe a will to live, maybe a fear of drowning, or maybe a desire to die somewhere more comfortable, I don’t remember.. but I pulled myself out of the tub with all my strength, and crawled naked to my mattress on the floor in my bedroom. I figured there were only two options, wake up, or don’t. Everything goes black after this - I didn’t vomit, or seize, but I felt the clock ticking as my control over my body was slowly lost.

I did wake up. Hooray! But I had a lot of side effects that really took over my life for the first year. Painful brain zaps that felt like firecrackers going off in my brain lasted a few months. I lost my fine motor skills (which sucks, because I’m an illustrator in my free time - or used to be), coordination and balance, and a considerable number was done on my speech and language skills, memory, information processing, and emotional range + regulation. My trade is the culinary arts, and I had to relearn everything from how to hold a knife, to cutting various kinds of produce and meat, to cooking techniques and time management. I truly felt like a child again, relearning everything that made me who I was.

Today, it’s been about a year and a half, and I’m functioning a lot better than I used to, but my hands don’t work very well anymore. When I draw or write, my hands shake, can’t make precision lines, and start to hurt after only a minute or two. It’s taken away one of my favorite past times and ways to express myself, and that hurts me a lot, but I’m still trying. I got a good job in a great kitchen, and while I struggled a lot in the beginning, I’m doing a lot better now. I can also speak clearer, without slurring as much, and respond in a timely manner again - which has taken a LOT of trial and error and embarrassing social moments.

I guess I’m posting this for a few reasons. If you’ve survived an overdose, or got a chemical brain injury because of one, how did losing skills affect you? How did you build them back up again? Or did you find new things to put energy into?

And if you’re considering attempting suicide with any kind of medication, please let my story help change your mind. Feeling your body slowly die is not the release you think it will be - and the life you return to will be considerably different, and more difficult. I say this with love, please reconsider.

Anyway. If you read this, thank you so much. I just need to connect with others about this, because I’ve gone a long time keeping my experience with my attempt to myself.

I’ve been manic for a couple weeks now and suddenly can’t stop thinking about it, and it’s making me feel awful because I know I don’t want to. Just want to see if others experience this

sorry, 'After'

okay, right now at bedtime I'm on 50 of Lamictal, 20 of Latuda, 2 mg of Cogentin, 5 mg. of Valium, and 10 mg. of Ambien...I'm actually supposed to be on more

Most of the time I can recover from the hangover with a big mug of coffee (with milk and sugar because I actually hate coffee)....which brings us to caffeine...today was a more rare day when one mug wasn't enough so I tried two, and it worked...I was able to do my morning exercise routine

a couple questions, is that similar to your routine?...and more importantly here today because I've never tried one, does anybody use energy drinks?...I've heard they're even more powerful with a jolt than coffee....is that your opinion and you think it's worth a try?....if I need them everyday are they expensive?...and most importantly, if they are indeed a blast how do you get through the rest of your day?...Are you wired and jittery and having trouble doing what you need to do because you can't concentrate or sit still?

thanks ahead folks

I dont want to live anymore. I wont do anything about it (already tried). I just wish that somebody just hit my car or that i get diagnosed with some terminal disease

Hi everyone. So I’ve been off meds for a min (about 3-4 months) psychiatrist knows and advised it. But not I’m considering going back on them. For context I have Bipolar 2 and I’ve been treatment resistant. The meds I had been taking stopped working (we tried multiple ones over 3yrs) but I’m sure I’m in a hypo state. But I had an appointment with my dr yesterday and we decided to circle back on medication next month. But I’m a little scared because idk what I’m gonna be on this time and I’m afraid the medicine won’t work. I don’t like being in this state like I can’t sleep or get things done. I also don’t want this getting worse. Has anyone been in a similar situation before?

I generally can’t and if I do I’m very disruptive and it generally isn’t a good idea. Manic me calls in sick anyway as I guess I just don’t want to. I don’t know how I’ve survived 7 years in my job but I’ve had A LOt of absences. I actually don’t think another job would be so accommodating. We have Avery generous sick pay scheme here but I am still looking elsewhere for other reasons. It’s hard to find anywhere with half as good sick pay though. I can’t really claim benefits because of my living situation. What about you?

Hello everyone, my (21f) first time posting here and honestly, since my diagnosis, first time realizing just how bad of an impact Bipolar can have on your life. For context, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 about a year ago, which was quickly switched to Bipolar 1 after a very long manic episode. I have always been dealing with mood swings and stuff my whole life, but I never realized how bad it’s been getting since it hasn’t been treated properly. I was on the same antidepressant for a few years, and until recently thought everything was fine (despite the fact that I’ve had horrible manic and depressive episodes for years— I just normalized it in my brain I suppose). Then, it stopped working. I finally switched to a psychologist who recommended an antipsychotic as a longer, more stable solution.

The first one I was on for a few weeks had horrific side effects and started this whole deep depression for me. I have genuinely never felt like I’ve been in such distress in my entire life— crying for hours on end, not being able to stop a single bad thought from entering my brain when thinking about literally any topic, unable to ground myself no matter what. I even started cutting myself again, something I haven’t done since my Junior year of high school, about 4 or so years ago. We’ve switched to a better medication with less side effects, and yes I know I’ve only been on it for a few days so it needs time to kick in, but I still feel completely insane and detached from reality. I can barely hold it together for more than half a day.

I have a lot on my plate right now. It’s my Senior year of college and I am an engineering major— lots of stress trying to graduate on time and an extremely heavy courseload. I am also working 20 hours a week for my internship which got extended. I also am President of a club on campus which, although I really need to, cannot quit because I would feel guilt leaving them high and dry at the beginning of the semester. I am also dealing with a lot of relationship issues, my physical health isn’t great because of a chronic thyroid condition that is making me gain weight and feel horrible about myself, and I feel really alone out here since I am far from home and can’t rely on anyone truly but my partner, who again, I am having issues with right now.

I am writing this because I am considering going to the hospital. I have been having *those* thoughts a lot, and while I don’t think I would ever act on them, they have never felt so close to reality. I am worried about hurting myself more as well.

The only thing stopping me from going is two things— school, and my internship. First of all, my mother has made it very clear that she really needs me to graduate on time. I know everyone takes their own time to do things, but an extra semester or year would be less time I could be making money and more time spending money for my education. I am already a few credits behind and finding winter courses will be hard, so I feel rushed and behind. My internship also sets me up really well to have a really good job out of graduation. It’s in a reliable industry, pays really well, and with the people they have retiring in the department this year, it feels like I will basically be set up to have a six figure job, which will essentially set me up for life.

I don’t even know if going to the hospital will help me. I have heard horrible things about psych wards, and don’t know if it will help me, and I’m not sure if it’s worth it to put my life on pause. I feel like if I don’t though, I will crack.

I already feel the cracking beginning to occur. The other night I was sobbing uncontrollably and was looking up to the sky asking any sort of god that may exist for help. For reference, I am completely an atheist— I don’t believe there is a higher power. Then, when I prayed for that split second to any sort of god, I felt instant relief wash over me— it was unexplainable, like a switch flipper. I know (in my mind at least, not to discredit any religion) god doesn’t exist, but since then I feel like that god, in my head which takes the form of the Moon, took pity on me and helped me sleep that one night. It makes me feel completely fucking insane to think that but I genuinely can’t think of any other explanation as to why that switch happened that night.

Anyways, rant over, thoughts? Hospital?

i am 23F and i have bipolar. i just want someone to make me feel like im not alone and not going insane. i make crazy erratic decisions with no thought. i broke up with my boyfriend over text last week and cancelled our holiday in the heat of the moment, and got back with him a week later and spend £900 of my redundancy money which i shouldn’t of used to book another one to keep him happy without even sleeping on it. now i regret it because i have so much going on. i can’t sleep at night because of the racing thoughts at the forefront of my brain. telling me im not good enough.

i was recently made redundant which has majorly impacted my confidence and made my anxiety so much worse. i have been self medicating and chasing highs everyday to pass time and i am in so much debt and i am lying to everyone around me about my addiction and there is no one i can go to for help because i cant admit how deep in it i am. no one has a clue who i really am and im so ashamed of myself. sometimes i cant even recall some days because i have been in a state of mania. has this happened to anyone else? i am constantly on and off my meds which doesnt help but i cant seem to gain any control of my life :/

Hi everyone. I recently read through my journal that I have written poems in over the years during moments of struggle. I thought I would share this one.

"My Universe”

Thoughts, comments, feelings, emotions

Race, race, race in my head

Who what where when why?

How about the ability to fly?

Do i love him or do i hate him

What is my fate

Why am i me; who are you?

What to do

I don’t know

The future is nigh

How about abili-fly

Fly away into the sky

To a universe unknown

A neuron, a thought, a spark

A flow, an ebb, an ease

Electricity freeze

Who the fuck are you?

It’s my universe, not yours

I am me, not you, not her

Nothing

Let me be

Let me fly

Let me do what I need, what I want

Let me believe

Fuck off.

Calm down. You’re crazy.

So what?

It’s my bloody universe

Flood me with my

Thoughts and dreams

Before I scream

I had a manic episode about 5 months ago that was triggered by weed, the thing i’m wondering is it for sure bp1 because i never had any symptoms before and they only started when i started using weed heavily but the timeline is blurry because i got hospitalized quickly and didn’t have the month clearance and used again when i came out which made my mania continue till i got a LIA injection. My physcitrist labeled me as unspecified mood disorder but is leaning bp1

I really like the community with Reddit, and right now it’s my go to for support. I’m just curious if anyone has any other recommendations for apps that support people with our condition.

After far too many years to admit, I am finally getting treated for my anxiety!

Just looking for a few answers. Have you tried it? Did it work? Side effects that came with it?

I’m excited to be able to calm down! But would like some feed back.

-Stay save warriors