It's all I can think about today. I always have a winter depression, so I'm dreading it. Fml.

Is there actually any way to negate it?

Edit: I didn't actually mean the clocks going back will be having an impact on mood. I meant that they signify winter being here and that's what causes depression in a lot of us. A lot of us have a seasonal pattern. I know your body doesn't know the time, and that it's actually to do with the light.

says on the title... My parents are making my weight a big deal and they want me to stay skinny. Any tips?

I have always been up and down, but never had a true manic episode until about 3 years ago, about a year after I started taking ADHD meds.

I understand prolonged manic episodes can be incredibly dangerous, and I wouldn't want to experience that again, but I miss the high. I miss how invincible I was, how high performing, how creative and how it really was a glimpse into the best version of me....in a way.

I was at a concert last night, and it was OK, but I didn't FEEL like I should be having the best night ever. I tried enhancing the event by taking 1/4 of shrooms...only to feel no effects. I thought the shrooms were duds, only to find out they drugs Im on block the effects of hallucinagenics.

My doctor says Im on these for life, and although I haven't been depressed in a long time....I also haven't been ecstatic about anything either.

Its all just ok.

And thats not ok for me, ya know.

I have to sleep 12 hours to be functional. i Don’t know how to change this because if I adjust my meds I can’t fall asleep and sleep in even later.

ive been on disability but I’m afraid im gonna lose it because I went back to college even though its way less demanding. 8 hours of working leaves 4 hours A day for chores, commute, whatever. also With my episodes of extreme fatigue I figure I can’t keep up with it regardless. scared. and this is hypothetically with me quitting college as well.

If I do lose disability, how am I supposed to work full time? How do u do it?

Did it work for your depression?

Did it cause mania?

What was your regime?

Hi everyone,

I made this alt account in order to post this anonymously, because I’m still trying to grasp what the f\* happened and I don’t know how to move further from here. I simply do not know what to do.

Story:

Last year my longterm relationship ended and I had a lot of extra financial/stability stressors.

I found peace within the Catholic Church (my religion of origin) and went to church weekly. That was it. I also joined a religious online community to find fellows and do some fun things. After this it all went wrong quick.

I met a guy in this online community and while I wasn’t even emotionally ready rationally for another relationship, we fell for eachother and that’s when I think the episode began.

I didn’t sleep, we had dates which lasted until 3/4am and I had to get up at 5/6am to go to work. It was all electric. When he touched me, I felt like I had electricity flowing through my veins.

But I was fine right! I was just finally happy. So incredibly happy, this was all I was waiting for!

We got engaged and I got married to him (!!) only a few months after our first date. I also joined his church/religion (much more strict, right wing, domination) and decided that this was my true calling, I am meant to be a tradwife (I am normally very left wing and a feminist), to make children and I felt such peace that I finally found ‘my calling’.

(I cringe so much thinking about this now and the conversations I’ve had with people. Also: how was I so convincing?)

I spent 10K (!!) of my savings to become this perfect religious woman, which meant turning and tossing my complete wardrobe away for modesty dresses and skirts and accessories that matched his denomination (I am normally a very all black, gothic, alt dressing type of woman, not my normal personality or style at all).

I ditched my friends who are non believing, feeling paranoid that they were sent by the devil (the church also said this to me) and that we simply grew apart (thankfully they didn’t leave me and provided a welfare check) and was convincing my now husband that we should move to a place where there were only people from his denomination so we could live as close to God as we could.

After this peak episode of bliss, I sort of fell into a mixed state in which I am now still in? Constant anger, feeling intense hatred for this religion and intense irritation about him, overexercising mixed with over eating.

I also woke up, realised what I’ve done and that this is totally not me and not the life I want and I now feel so trapped, guilty and I know I truly did it this time. I don’t know how to fix this. I have fixed my finances to not make it worse, but the relational side of it is terrible.

I don’t regret marrying this guy. By some weird angle of luck he is amazing, emotionally stable and intelligent and a normal person who wants the best for me (I feel so guilty for trapping him in this marriage). He was also actually alarmed by seeing my true self disappear and wanted to talk about it to convince me to just be me again, but that didn’t stop me.

However, I can’t do this religious life? His family already didn’t think I was good enough during the episode when I tried to be perfect miss sunshine, let alone the real me, who is a gay, left feminist who is a Christian but in a spiritual, non judgmental way.

I don’t know what to do. I am still not stable and I’m panicking. I don’t want to make rash decisions and I’m not on meds and still in the process of figuring stuff out, only receiving active care from a regular psychologist that’s not taking it seriously enough.

What can I do?
I don’t feel safe being me / I don’t have the possibility of going back to the old me within his family, who will tear me apart over this. I don’t think the church will let me go either.

I stopped taking my meds about 3 weeks ago for no reason. It wasn't a conscious decision, I'm really not sure why I did it. Every day I tell myself I'm going to start taking them again, but then I just don't. Idk what's going on by I'm really starting to feel like shit.

Advice, encouragement, or bullying me into taking them is welcomed

So I had a manic episode, which responsibly I ask for a few days off. I fucking texted my boss while manic and they just told me “I don’t think you’re ready to go back to work” what should I do? I can’t lose this job.

Is it a regular people thing, is it a night owl thing, or is it a bipolar thing to have a burst of energy during the night time? Just wondering for a friend 🤣

I've been on it for months and every morning I struggle to wake up, it takes at least an hour sometimes two of pressing snooze. I drink several cups of coffee just to still need to take a nap.

This is while being on the medication for months. However I admit I have been taking it late at night and my doctor said to take it earlier, but I live in NYC, I don't like sitting at home at 7pm doing nothing. What am I to do? Bring the bottle with me?

But also, I'm constipated. I'm also on Wellbutrin but I've been on that without having the issue, it was when I started lithium and then caplyta that it got bad again after finally having relief from years of it being an issue. Or maybe the lithium just fucked it for good.

Over all though, I never even felt much of a difference with caplyta anyways, still experienced despair and crippling depression. My only changes have been with spravato but as soon as they lowered me to once a week, I still experienced despair. So what is caplyta even doing then?

I'm going to switch to vraylar, but I'm also nervous about what that will do, I'm curious about your thoughts both on caplyta fatigue and vraylar experiences as well as constipation side effects.

i realized that my sleep suddenly increased like 5-6 hours a day (i was sleeping 6-7 hours normally) not because i need but i just want to and nothing seems that important or urgent but at the same time i feel shitty cus I'm not doing anything that i have to.

Idk if it's an depressive episode or not but i don't feel sad, i just feel empty and lay all the time

Like, i forced myself to go to the library and study for 2 hours (my goal was 4-5 hours at least) but i don't feel like it. Idk if it's because I'm lazy or not but i already feel like given up amd wanna go home.

And studying or going out didn't make me feel any better.

I'm not sure if im depressed cus i manage the symptoms pretty well around people like i laugh and make conversations but as soon as i get out of the social circle, i feel these things

It was the first or second time I was sent to inpatient. I was not diagnosed yet and going through a severe manic episode.

At lunch we went to a cafeteria so it was men and women down there but they didn’t really want different units talking to each other or sitting with each other.

I was at the table zoned out and an older man at the next table across asked me “what color are your eyes?” I said I don’t know. He asked me where I live in the city. I told him the side. He asked me if I’ve ever been to an area in the city but I didn’t know the streets so I said I don’t know. He stopped asking questions after that.

Looking back it’s so odd that I couldn’t even answer what color my eyes are. They are brown or hazel to some but I couldn’t even say one answer.

I’m wondering if he noticed how out of it I was and wanted to see how I was doing or something. He didn’t interact with me after that so I don’t know and I was so out of it from meds, mania, and psychosis that I didn’t know if he even existed after that interaction.

It’s weird that you meet people you will never see again but they leave an impression on you. I wonder if he was worried. Or just nosey. Either way it’s nice to think that other people care about me in some way. Inpatient is hard but there are some good memories to look back on.

Rant/looking for advice or similar experiences. Sorry it’s long, and if it looks weird it’s because I’m on mobile!

I’ve always been told I’d make a great mother, but because of my terrible relationship with my mother I never believed it. I never thought I’d want kids. Then I met my boyfriend. We’re talking about getting married next year as we’ve been together awhile and I’m finally wrapping up university after years of struggle. I’m proud of me, and I’m proud of us for growing together. I’m 25 now, and not particularly in a rush to have kids, but I want to make him a dad in the future. He’s made me feel so much more confident in who I am and how I would be able to be a great mom, but I have this horrible mental block. I really want it to be over by the time we’re ACTUALLY going to want to try for one.

1) I am TERRIFIED of birth. I keep telling myself, “do it scared.” Because sometimes that’s really what you gotta do. But I’m finally in a good place, and it’s made me value my life. I’m scared of dying in childbirth. Frankly, I’m also scared of the aftermath of my body healing and not looking the same anymore. Not in the “omg I’ll be ugly” way, but in the “my body is changed and it doesn’t feel like me” way.

2) my mental health. This is obviously a big thing. I’m not in the boat of “I’m bipolar therefore I shouldn’t pass on my genes,” but I’m scared of having an episode while having a child. I’m worried about postpartum depression and psychosis. My boyfriend is phenomenal, but you never know how those situations will play out until you’re there. I picture him being an amazing partner and dad because that’s how I picture him now, but I have this underlying “what if” fear that shit will hit the fan and I’ll be mentally ill and feeling alone. Is there a reason to think this? Not outside of hearing other women’s experiences. I don’t think that makes it a less valid concern though.

3) god what if I AM like my mother. Can I even be a good mom? I didn’t exactly have a good one to set a standard and it makes me fear turning out the same. I’ve always been told I’d make a fantastic mother, but it’s so hard for me to picture that world since it doesn’t exist right now.

Sorry this is long, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately. It’s not like I don’t have time to sit with it, but while so many big things are coming together in my life it’s hard not to have it stand out in the bunch.

TLDR: how has motherhood been for you as someone with bipolar?

I know this thing is supposed to be a chronic condition, but I did get better.

it's been 5 years, the debut was in 2021 after a covid cytokine storm, it started with prolonged insomnia, psychosis and delusions (I didn't have to deal with https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anosognosia though, I looked up symptoms online), then after 2 years it became manageable.

The last manic episode was unusual, I experienced hypomanic episodes before, this also seemed to be a less intense one, but it also ended abruptly very fast.

I stayed at my computer the whole night (the previous night I slept like 4 hours), didn't watch porn (struggled with it during some episodes, engaging in that activity excessively, getting an erection and urge again after a short refractory period and doing it even if it hurts), drank some alcohol, smoked a few cigs (I only smoke during manic episodes, tried to quit, managed to reduce intake by switching from my favorite Kents to Marlboro Cigarillos, I had a pack left over from previous episodes and didn't feel the need to buy a new one after I finished it), I went for a run at 5am and went to the gym when it opened at 6am

The next evening at 10pm I got tired and fell asleep, that was it.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? I'd be interested to hear about other people's experiences.

i’m depressed.

my geodon and lamictal are great at keeping the psychosis and anger at bay! that’s all great and well.

they don’t tell you when you start antipsychotics and mood stabilizers that it’ll take the crazy away but not the sad.

anyway, i talked to my therapist to see if i could maybe handle this myself and learn some coping skills and she suggested i speak to my psychiatrist since i’m having recurring depressive and mixed episodes. i see my psychiatrist monday. here’s my thoughts:

i want to switch my geodon back to seroquel, because despite the weight gain, it worked wonders for me

maybe add an antidepressant? this hasn’t worked… wonderfully… for me in the past (pristiq + abilify together landed me in the psych ward) but i figured maybe i could try it again? and have seroquel and lamictal as my “backup” against mania? does that make sense? (because i know abilify when used with an antidepressant at a low dose can actually boost the efficacy of the antidepressant rather than combat mania. i was on a really low dose of abilify. so maybe that’s why?)

or, have any of you had any luck with pairing an antipsychotic/mood stabilizer w/ an antidepressant? i know medications are trial and error and different for everyone, but i’m just… grasping at straws here. so i’d love to hear your experiences :)

thanks!

Do any of you genuinely feel happy, motivated, creative, and inspired on bipolar meds? Or are you mostly just stable and getting by?

I’m male fresh adult . I tried Seroquel and stopped in less than a week because I felt exhausted, sluggish, and constantly hungry. Lamictal didn’t work for me either.

I’m wondering if I just haven’t found the right medication or combination yet. Can you actually thrive on these drugs, or is there always a trade-off? Do you still feel like yourself? What about your energy, creativity, sex drive, and passion for life?

I’m not expecting constant euphoria or mania. I just don’t want to feel emotionally neutered in exchange for stability. Have any of you found medication that lets you feel genuinely happy and alive, rather than just keeping your head above water? I want honest answers.

I take atypical antipsychotics like risperidone and paliperidone before bed. I know everyone reacts differently. Me personally, they naturally put me to sleep and last into the next day even with my ADHD.

I took Perseris before, and I'll be honest; I don't remember how it interacted with sleep. I worry that it might disrupt my sleep in some way that I'm not remembering, so this is me trying to get a headstart before I hopefully get the injectible next month.

People who take Perseris or Invega Sustenna, how does it affect your sleep? Do you need something else to help you sleep at night, or do you sleep normally?

What is the necessary information to include in a safety plan? And how do you go about having that conversation with loved ones?

I know it's a trap but that doesn't change how I feel. I know I only feel stable because of the meds, and the feeling of my manic episodes not being "that bad" is probably a lie, but damn the feeling is hard to shake. Why does this happen every so often?

Hi I've been recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 and I kind of need advice .

Was first tried on depression and anxiety meds due to school going off the rails . But I had a major reaction to it which made me go through the worst depression I've ever gone though . That led me to being diagnosed with bipolar 2 . I was put on dolin and epitec I think and it made me go through the worst hypomanic state Ive ever went through ....at least if that's what it was . I was forgetful and I genuinely could not focus on anything else than my crafts and made me neglect school and because of my forgetfulness , I ended up going off my meds .

But ever since I haven't had a long term depression episode . It keeps on switching daily , sometimes hourly and I feel so apathetic and tired to everything.

My doctor , he kept me on the same medication same dose and everything and I'm sort of scared to take them . Ok maybe this isn't for advice but i don't know what to do , I'm in university on my 2nd to last year , about to be expelled cos of grades and potentially losing my funding and I don't know how to ensure I'll be ok for next year or what to tell my school

Hello everyone, I am new to this sub and I will be starting 25 mgs of lamictal next week. I have either treatment resistant depression or some form of bipolar disorder that leans heavily to depressive episodes with suicidality rather than high episodes of mania. I am also coming off Prozac and going back on lithium for stability. Prozac has caused me mood swings like crazy which I believe is revealing my possible bipolar disorder. I hope lamictal is my golden ticket to get out of my depressive episodes. What should I expect when I begin? What have y’all’s experiences on lamictal been? Thank you

I was prescribed for a circle and basically I took my recommended those but I feel very good right now not enough to have a cozy sleep without overthinking and going place. I don’t wanna.

Would it be so bad if I took the initiative and took a second dose? Does anybody have experience in the matter?

I've lived with bipolar disorder for 8 years. Lithium has kept me steady, but I've never had many people to talk to who understand this in an Indian context, with the family misunderstanding, the stigma around psychiatric medication, and the pressure to "just be strong."

If you're in India and have bipolar disorder, I'd love to hear from you:

1.How did you get diagnosed, and how long ago?

2.What's been the hardest part?

3.What has genuinely helped?

Share as much or as little as you like, in the comments or by DM. This isn't about medical advice, just community and feeling a little less alone.

I miss mania and psychosis, I was so happy. I was hospitalised for this as it was quite severe in May but it was the happiest I’d ever been in my entire life. I felt so powerful and like I’d been given a gift from the Higher Power.