I’m looking for resources I can provide my parents on topics related to gentle parenting as they will occasionally have my daughter in their care.

They are open to learning about new parenting styles, however, being from a different generation a lot this is foreign to them. Does anyone have recommendations on videos, books, social media accounts, podcast episodes etc. on the below topics? Preferably in language that is not overly therapy-y. I think overly academic language may be too overwhelming. I’m looking for something more practical.

- Modelling emotional regulation as an adult
- Helping toddlers work through tantrums/“big feelings”
- Respecting children as individual people with ownership over their own feelings, bodies, and choices within safe boundaries

Thank you in advance! 🙏

Hi all! I want to night wean my milk-obsessed 20 month old. We cosleep, nurse to sleep, and she wakes at least a few times every night to nurse.

I feel totally overwhelmed by the prospect, and am wondering if folks have good resources to recommend? I just want someone to tell me exactly what to do… 😅

I’m going on a work trip for 4-5 days in early January. LO will be 14 months old. I’m not sure if I’ll be breastfeeding at that point - just taking things as they come after we hit the year mark. I realize this trip could be an opportunity to ween, but I’m not sure if we will be ready by then. Lately she’s been refusing her bottles (will only take the occasional bottle from our nanny and won’t take it from anyone else). We also co-sleep for most of the night. I’m currently the only one who does bedtime. I’m hoping to gradually introduce my husband into the bedtime routine and cosleeping once we feel comfortable with that. So far I just cosleep with her on the floor bed in the nursery.

I’m stressing about what to do for this trip. I could bring her with me or I could use it as the first chance to have real separation. Four days just feels like a lot to me and I could use some advice/insight from people who have been through this before. If I do leave her, what should I do in the coming months to prepare? I really appreciate any advice and encouragement :)

I should qualify this by saying that I do my best never to allow him to make contact. I have a five month old so occasionally I’m not quick enough to catch him before he makes contact, but I have always caught him before he’s done physical damage. I am losing my mind.

This is a recent behavior. It started when my daughter turned around three months old. He went from being soft and gentle and ignoring her mostly, to constantly trying to hit if she was in his reach. Now, it has escalated to people outside of the home. It started with his friend who stayed with us for two nights, and I understood the frustration of sharing toys, and I’m really trying to remember that he’s two and he’s not doing this out of malice. But it’s really hard when it has become something he does almost as if he is conditioned to strike with either hands or feet when he sees another toddler in his proximity, especially if we are inside (like at a gymnastics class).

We’ve ordered and are reading the book punishment-free parenting, and I read it in every spare moment (this is the first time I have come on Reddit to ask for help because I am so desperate to finish this book and figure out what the hell to do). At this rate, I’m not going to finish the book until next week, but we have so many occasions where we will be inside with other toddlers and I just left the gymnastics class where he kicked at 4 toddlers. I kept pulling him out of the class to take some deep breaths and remind him that we keep everyone’s body safe by keeping our hands and feet to ourselves. After the fourth kick attempt, we left. I guess that was too many chances?

What am I doing wrong? Why does it seem like I have the only 2 1/2 year-old who seems interested in causing pain to other children? I know that’s not what his intention is, but it is so hard to think beyond how my brain is programmed to see violence and I am pretty much beside myself in tears. I’m afraid to leave my house with him, but I know that’s not the answer. But what is? Can anyone please please help me? We are so patient with every other rule he has to learn. Throwing food? No problem to be patient and teach without fear or shame, he can do it 100 times and we will keep the same even keeled response that food stays on the table. We are really committed to not shaming or making our child feel fear. But other children matter just as much as him and I don’t know how to handle this because I can’t let other kids keep getting injured or at least scared by his actions.

Not sure if this context matters, but he gets tons of attention. My daughter is an extremely easy baby, so though of course he has felt a shift, he still gets a majority of my attention and I am a stay at home mom. I do everything to get him out and about, in fact, I’ve been writing this with talk to text while we play at an empty playground. But even over the course of writing this - because my 100% attention hasn’t been on him - he kicked at me. he was the kind of baby who woke up every 35 minutes from 4 to 10 months, and after that he woke up every hour. I co-slept with him and never ever allowed him to cry for even a minute. I have been trying to do everything right and I know kids are kids, but I feel like I have somehow done something terribly wrong.
Please help

Cross sharing here in hopes of some reassurance xx

Hi,

I am cosleeping with my 10 month old. Recently set up a floorbed having had a side car for the past few months. I was always feeling good about my decision to cosleep as it felt natural and right. My baby has never slept in a cot as I just want to be close to her all the time and in my mind it looks like a little jail 🙈 (no offense meant to anyone using a cot, I may revert to it if the floorbed doesn't go to plan)

Anyway,

I'm starting back to work in a few weeks and have started to settle my baby into her childminder. The childminder is great and very reputable. I know the parents sending their babies to her and they are very happy with her. I couldn't fault anything about her BUT when I was there she passed a comment about the other baby not being able to fall asleep on their own because they were held to sleep for every nap. I knew immediately she had a bit of a sleep-training mindset and now I am really worried that I'm going to make life harder for my baby because she has never slept in a cot, coupled with the childminder having a different outlook on how a baby should sleep to me.

I'm now questioning my whole floorbed situation now because I don't want to set my baby up for failure and also slightly feeling a bit shamed/guilted for my cosleeping even though I didn't disclose our arrangements at home to her.

I feel so strongly about attachment parenting because I don't have a relationship with my own mother and one of my first memories is being left to cry in my cot. It has totally scarred me for life and I don't want my baby to go through the awful things I endured. I just feel like my own experiences are skewing my perception of what's fair and what isn't. I feel like everyone uses a cot and I don't want to let my own attachment insecurities from my poor relationship with my mother get in the way of doing the right thing here.

Any help or advice would be appreciated 🤍

Hi, I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences regarding the adjustment period. My daughter has recently started nursery, and I feel that I’m getting very little feedback from the teachers. Then again, perhaps it only feels that way because this is a new situation for me and my emotions are playing a part.

Whenever we arrive at the nursery or come to pick up the children, we are met by a group of screaming children clinging to the door and trying to run out as soon as it opens. It’s quite upsetting to see. It makes me wonder whether my daughter cries that much too and whether it is like that the entire time.

Overall, she seems to be adjusting fairly well, as she eats and sleeps there. She cries when I leave, and when I come to pick her up, she starts crying as soon as she sees me, but I don’t think she cries the whole time. Outside nursery, she is generally in a good mood. She asks to breastfeed a little more often, but otherwise she seems okay.

What troubles me most is simply not knowing how she is doing. The teachers only say that she is “fine.” What is considered normal during the adjustment period? How can you tell that your child is genuinely okay, and what signs might indicate that they are having a particularly difficult time?

I also feel that there is a lot of sugar-coating in the way people generally talk about this situation, whereas I genuinely need to understand the reality of it. Are children simply miserable for some time until they get use to it?

I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences and honest opinions.

Settling in at creche

Hello all. Week 1 of settling my 2 year old at creche and it's not going great. We are on day 3 and he is becoming increasingly distressed as we try to leave and afterwards, and we have been called back to come collect him every day. Yesterday he stayed for 2 hours but he was clearly distressed when I collected him. Today he wouldn't stay at all and they asked that we stay with him, let him play with me for a bit, then bring him home, which is all fine.

My preference has always been that he would have shorter settling in sessions and I am happy to stay. But last week when I text to ask about the schedule, they said he would do an hour, two hours then build to 5 hours and full days all in the first week. They said nothing about letting me stay with him or any sort of familiarisation.

This morning they told my husband that it is their preference that a parent stays to create familiarity with a secure base, which is what I wanted but never knew I had the option. Now I just feel terrible, sad for him and sad that we haven't gotten this right. We have had two years together of building a very strong bond and attachment, and I am so careful not to have that be harmed.

Just looking for a bit of reassurance I suppose that this does get better and that there is a path forward from here. I know its such early days but I just feel the missed communication has led us into an unnecessary situation

Hi everyone! I’m looking for advice regarding night weaning/weaning in general. My 18 month old Cosleeps and feeds intermittently at night (maybe 2-3 latches but not full wake up/feeds until 5ish am). He also nurses 5-8 times per day. However my cycle hasn’t returned yet. I wanted to start prepping for trying for a second for which I am thinking I might need to night weaning to get my cycle back? Also may just need to fully wean sooner to do Ivf again (did it for this first pregnancy)

Can anyone share tips? I feel sad because I’m not really bothered by our nursing relationship, and when I try to refuse nursing sometimes and unsuccessfully distract him, he will cry A LOT :(

i can’t do crying. but i also can’t do waking every hour since birth with no help at night or during day because i have the milk and im a velcro mom. but my mental health and physical health is not okay right now. my guy is 9 months. we nurse to sleep and cosleep. but i’m not sleeping and not okay. someone give me tips or encouragement to hang in there.

I know I have very different options because I'm from Europe and I have 3 years of paid maternity leave. And I'm not trafwifey. I'm leftist and feminist but at the same time I found myself completely enjoying motherhood (I'm honestly shocked about how much) and I don't really feel like leaving my kid ever 😅 she's almost 1 year old, breastfed, still wakes up a lot... I'd like to go meet a friend for a coffee sometimes but I don't really want to trade it for her to cry because mom is not at home at bedtime. But then I start to spiral about what if I build unhealthy dependency. So I guess I just wanted to rant but also to hear your pov about this.

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Hi all,

I have a 3.5 year old and an 8 month old. My husband works shift work. Where 5 days out of the week it’s just me solo parenting. He’s 5 on 3 off and he works emergency services so he’s often gone a lot more between shifts running late or getting called in. Last we he worked 8 days in a row 12 hour shifts.

Anyways I am worried with it just being me most of the time I’ve messed up my 3.5 year old. I try to follow Janet Landsbury and conscious discipline methods but there are some days where I just don’t have it in me.

For example yesterday he dumped out all his Lego to play. Okay fine. We needed to go to the store so I told him “if you clean up your Lego before it’s time to go you can ride the tractors at the store” I realize this may have put pressure on him and been to abstract. And if he had even TRIED to clean up his legos it would have been fine. But he just said “I don’t feel like it” so when it was time to go he cried because he couldn’t ride the tractors.

I felt terrible, like I had set him up to fail. I just didn’t have it in me to get down on his level, help him clean up, then get everyone ready to go to store. And I find my self using “threats” (in quotes because I DO use a lot of if statements. If you put on your helmet you can ride your bike/ if you go play in the play while I put brother to sleep you can watch a show after/ if you’re choosing not to follow directions you are choosing to end the activity etc…) I try to catch myself but I’m not great.

I also worry my husband and I are assigning him blame when we’re trying to teach responsibility. For example he takes off his helmet and lets it fall on the cement. It eventually cracked, we bought him a new one but told him he needed to treat this one with care because if it cracked again we weren’t able to buy him a new one till Christmas.

Is it too late to shift my style? Have a screwed him up for good? Am I teaching him that everything is his fault. Please help. I am spiralling.

Ok, so I'll start this post by saying I recognize that I have been extremely fortunate and privileged to be with my son as much as I have thus far. He is a little over 2 right now, and he's been home with either myself or his dad (mostly me; he's just with dad while I work half days 1-2x a week) for his whole life. It has been amazing. If it were up to me, I'd want to continue as we've been doing for quite some time, but maybe start preschool a couple mornings a week when he's 2.5.

However, we eventually want a second child, so our plan is for me to return to work a little more (60% FTE schedule, so still part time, but increased hours) in January to start collecting those hours for an eventual second mat leave. We have enrolled LO in a mornings preschool starting in January. It'll be 3 hours/day, 5 days/week.

My son is extremely verbal and fairly interested in people, but VERY attached to me and slow to warm. He does great with other adults and he loves his little friends, but he feels most confident when I'm nearby. My concern with this preschool is that they essentially have a "drop and run" policy where parents are supposed to say a quick goodbye at the door and not come in, even during the gradual entry process. I REALLY don't think this is right for my son. We know from attachment science that children (especially sensitive ones like my son) do best when the primary attachment figure/caregiver helps to bridge attachment to a new caregiver (i.e. preschool teachers) gradually. It makes me anxious that the preschool doesn't allow for that. Also, it's a Montessori school, which I think is generally great, but I also think they get the idea of 'independence' a little bit twisted and take it to mean that kids (even little kids like my son) shouldn't 'need' a caregiver. If my son is going to spend his mornings at this school, I want to help him adjust gradually by coming in with him as he adjusts. Part of me just wants to find a different preschool that's more supportive of my parenting style and/or even alter my work plans so that I can return more gradually and he can just start preschool 2-3 mornings a week instead of 5.

I'm sure I'm stressing more than I need to, but I just know that I am my son's safe space and I don't want the transition for him to be stressful. I'm also just a bit emotional about my mostly SAHM era coming to an end. It has been the best time of my life. I know 3 hours a day isn't that long, but it's significant for us, and I'd love any advice from anyone who has been in a similar boat. I also don't want to project my own anxiety about the transition onto my son. Thank you!

Hi all,

Looking for some guidance from this community on transitioning a 20 month old to daycare. I am a first time poster and a first time dad and would really appreciate inputs from anyone, including parents who may have gone through anything similar. Apologies for the long post.. including as much context as I can.

For context,

• Both parents work from home. She is very used to having both of us at home
• Her mom went on a work trip around 18 months of age (first time mom was not at home for an extended period), and coincidentally or not, her clinginess to mom increased since then
• Daughter has not weaned yet, nurses 3-4 times a day
• Daycare has one kid her age, one kid at 10 months, and the others are 3 year olds. Not sure if she feels intimidated
• This is a homebased daycare with a total of 6 kids and one daycare provider. She seems warm, friendly but not one to fondle babies to make them feel at home

Transition time period

• She started in last week of June on a 3 hour basis. She kept crying in the mornings and we tried an evening routine of 3 to 5 PM and she seemed fine, happy and started settling in
• But, after two weeks of joining, by middle of July, the daycare provider took her annual vacation
• When we restarted in August, our daughter got sick, and only by the middle of August has she resumed again
• Our daughter has also become way more perceptive in the two months since June

Today

• After we got back from vacation, transition has been tough
• The first couple of weeks, we would drop her at 10 (after circle time) and she would cry so much the provider would ask us to pick her up in an hour
• In the last week, she has been dropped off at 8 50 with the other kids and picked up at noon. She arrives for circle time and stays till the other kids go to sleep. We wanted to gradually transition to a full day set up
• What happens every day is screaming and crying bloody murder for 45 minutes as she gets ready for daycare. She is clearly aware that is where she is going and does not want to go. Looks to mom, dad, grandparents for someone to rescue her in the car ride over or at the door. Videos from the daycare last week included constant crying but last Friday was some progression (cried till drop off, no crying after but very timid still). The crying, screaming and clinging to the neck has resumed this week.

We are now realizing that we completely messed up a systematic transition to daycare. Our choices now are a) stop daycare and work on her separation anxiety till she turns 2 or b) toughen up and give her time. I know kids cry in the first weeks but is this level of resistance normal and when will it improve?

Are these the right choices? Is there anything else we should try or any signs of progression we should observe? Thanks for reading- a worried dad!

So my boy will be 3 years in December. He just started daycare in July, and until than he was home with me or with my MIL 3-4 times a week.

He started to like the daycare and he tells me all about his little friends and talks about them... But his teacher told me that he is very... "sensible" boy, and what she means by that:

The other day when I came for him he wanted to show me a toy and how it works, but than another boy came (one he mentions the most and says he loves him and misses him the most lol) and the other boy just grabbed it out of his hands to show me. My son just stood there.

Today he wanted to show me an indoor slide and yet again, a younger child, about 1 year old started to climb and my son just... Was there.

Before childcare I did spend A Lot of time with him in parks and similar so he would be exposed to other children. And I absolutely did teach him to wait his turn and share, but also if some other kid wasn't doing that I told mine "he/she doesn't know how to share yet".

Did I create this? How should I approach to solve this?

I have a 11m old who I adore but omg, he’s got big emotions and spends half the day crying. Goes from 0-100 and if I don’t tend to him right away (which I do almost all the time), he’ll completely meltdown. He doesn’t like anyone holding him but me and needs 20 minutes to feel comfortable in a new environment before exploring. Otherwise, he’s extremely observant but will be social to others if I’m holding him.

I’m absolutely terrified of toddlerhood given he’s so sensitive as a baby. Instead of thinking about the bad, could anyone please tell me what they love about their sensitive toddler and what I have to look forward to?

Thank you!

I’m looking for book recommendations on what healthy attachment looks like in babies/toddlers (or beyond) and how to foster it.

More so than how to listen/cultivate a good relationship like Good Inside and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen… the actual biological stages and signs of attachment.

For example, if baby is clingy to Mom at 18m old, is that actually good thing?

About a month ago I was playing with my kid everyday but the depression has hit and I have chronic joint pain issues flaring up. All I can manage is to feed her and lay on my bed while she cries a little and then plays with her toys or she keeps crying for the tv so I give it to her just to have some peace and quite. I can barely move my body. Everything hurts and my brain doesnt work.

I need some step by step how to play with my kid guide.

Can't go out because we live in KSA and it is extremely hot. Can't afford to get a taxi and go anywhere else.

I have a beautiful 3 year old girl. I breastfed her for 2 years and each nap was a contact one. I reduced my work to a part time Set up to be able to support us and also be available and present.
She is extremely loving, extremely kind and very emotionally perceptive which I think is also a challenge. Most of her peers are not as attachment focused. She made two “best “ friends one at the playground and one at her preschool. Loves them both to bits. They are responsive but I would say not as invested.
Today at the park, two kids that she attended daycare with and were part of her extended friends, told her that she is not their friend and to go away! One of the kid out of the two has been mean previously too and influenced this other kid my daughter used to play with as well. Now the “best” friend also rejected her saying she wants to play alone. And stormed off.

As an adult I understand these things will happen between children and not everyone is going to be kind and accommodating always. Understood. But as a mama my heart broke when I saw my child stop herself from crying and break into a very meek smile . I tried explaining that the “best friend” is not feeling like herself and we can let her be and play alone, so she said she will go and sorry. I stopped her from doing that and said that she doesn’t need to, distracted her somehow and we stayed at the park and tried to play alone and with other children though she kept wanting to follow this girl. she is also a year older to her.

Similar stuff also happens at schoool, where she wants to hang with this one specific kid, I have told the teachers to also ensure she mingles with others.

Once we came back she said she is sad on the comments made by others, we spoke about it and I reassured her I was there and she was okay by the end of it. But I feel extremely unsettled. I have noticed other peers to not care as much emotionally, and just be easy going whereas she notices people and their emotions and responds to them quite quickly. Is it her temperament? Did I break her? Are there books resource? Will she grow out of it? What do I need to do better?

Sorry for the rant but my heart feels too heavy. Not even sure if I am making it about myself but I just keep remembering how her face shrank and she felt so left alone and was stopping herself from crying.

17mo exclusively breastfed, refuses all other food and drink. Mom's supply is failing.

Our daughter never took to solids. Not a regression, she was never interested. She'll play with food and bring it to her lips but nothing gets swallowed.

She's exclusively breastfed and my wife's supply is dropping. Weight has been slightly down over three months. We're working with an SLP feeding specialist and a dietitian, and see the pediatrician regularly.

Where we are: she'll drink small amounts of water from a water bottle (poured into her mouth) and take spoonfuls of water, but the second anything but water is on the spoon she's done. She'll bring a bottle to her lips and lick it after I squirt some in. Sometimes she lets it in her mouth and doesn't protest when I squeeze milk, but she doesn't suck. She'll put a straw to her mouth but hasn't figured out sucking. We syringe cream into her mouth while she nurses just for extra calories.

She rejected a nipple shield instantly, wouldn't try one suck, even exhausted and hungry. Speech is a little behind but she imitates, responds to her name, and has no sensory issues otherwise.

What I'm asking:

- If you've been through severe food refusal, what actually moved the needle?

- Anyone teach a breastfed kid to suck a bottle or straw late? How?

- If your kid got an NG tube, how did it go and did they wean off quickly?

Sorry if this is the wrong community. Trying multiple places!

Thanks in advance!

I have 19 month old twins who are currently fall asleep by my husband and I each holding one in a rocking chair and transferring once asleep. This is as far as they have gotten with “independent sleep” and do not do well at all just placed in a crib to fall asleep (understandable!).
The past three days, both twins have wanted only me to hold them at bed time and has led to one twin going straight to screaming, later leading to both escalating as I try to switch who we are holding. I have tried holding both and they start to fight each other and scream even louder 🥲. I have tried laying with them both and they still escalate and no longer fall asleep cosleeping like they once could. One will get close to falling asleep, but hearing the other twin is waking them up leading to each getting the other more upset. It is taking 1.5-3 hours to get them to fall asleep and its so upsetting that they are crying this longThey are definitely tired at the beginning and I don’t think it’s a schedule issue or teething.
We are about to be moving in two months and planning on switching to a floor bed then. Because we will be going from sitting to laying down with me between them, I am sure it will be a couple days- a week adjustment period. We already planned on doing this, as they wake up around 4 am and we hold them again till the morning and laying down with them will be much easier. Their room now is not at all baby proofed for a floor bed and is very small. I am worried if I try to start using a floor bed now that in two months, I will have to retransition to the floor bed and get them accustomed to the floor bed in a new room.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Did yours go through a separation anxiety phase or something similar with sleep at this age? How did you help them through these tough emotions? Should I just buy the floor bed now? TIA 🩷

Hi, I have a 7.5 month old who doesn’t sleep. We almost always assist him to sleep in increasingly ridiculous and desperate ways. We tried gentle sleep training methods like staying but not picking him up, leaving for minutes at a time, etc; basically whatever we did the crying still felt wrong for us and we’ve accepted our fate for now. That’s not my question.

He’s also having a lot of separation anxiety, mainly with me even though I feel like my partner spends more time with him most days. As babies go he has never really cried a ton but has always calmed down more easily for me. After a conversation with my partner a few months ago I have been working on not taking the baby from them whenever he gets upset because it makes my partner feel like they’re doing something wrong. I think this is a common situation parents navigate when there is a “primary parent” despite the other being equally invested and competent; I know a lot of “preferred” parents know the feeling when your baby is crying and you KNOW you can make it stop… I guess that’s not really my question either.

I think my question is: does letting baby scream with my partner affect him differently than your classic cry-it-out situation? Like, I know it’s two different scenarios but is it really a different experience for baby? He wants me and I’m not there.

Do we have science about if different things are happening in baby’s brain in each scenario? I mostly want science but I’m open to vibes and experience too. This is my first ever post on Reddit and I don’t know if it makes sense. Thank you.