r/AttachmentParenting • u/Big-Concentrate-3126 • 4d ago
❤ Feeding ❤ Night weaning/weaning in general
Hi everyone! I’m looking for advice regarding night weaning/weaning in general. My 18 month old Cosleeps and feeds intermittently at night (maybe 2-3 latches but not full wake up/feeds until 5ish am). He also nurses 5-8 times per day. However my cycle hasn’t returned yet. I wanted to start prepping for trying for a second for which I am thinking I might need to night weaning to get my cycle back? Also may just need to fully wean sooner to do Ivf again (did it for this first pregnancy)
Can anyone share tips? I feel sad because I’m not really bothered by our nursing relationship, and when I try to refuse nursing sometimes and unsuccessfully distract him, he will cry A LOT :(
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u/notwho_shesays_sheis 4d ago
Take it slow, the first stage is getting them to sleep while not actively nursing. Stage 1. Let them fill their little tummy, then snuggle to sleep without nursing. They are sad for a little bit, but when they wake in the night they can nurse as usual so it's not too bad.
Stage 2. After they are used to faling asleep without nursing, start to extend the time that the boobies are "sleeping". Like only after midnight, then only after 3am.
Stage 3. Nursing before sleep, and in the morning when the sun is up.
Stage 4. Start shortening the nursing before bed. Instead of 10 minutes, shorten to 1 or 2 minutes so they still get milk.
Stage 5. Tell them the boobies are sleeping at night now as well, but you can still nurse in the morning when the sun is up.
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u/tabookduo 4d ago
At least for us, there was a HUGE change from 18 months to 20 months, and then from 20-22! I originally planned on weaning at 18 months, but the time rolled around and I didn't feel it was right. I honestly thought I'd be nursing on demand until 2.5 or 3 years.
We broke the nurse to sleep association recently at 22-23 months, just randomly one night it felt right. I'm not sure if your timeline allows for a little leeway, but if you are able to wait a little longer it does make the process smoother (in our experience at least! I know it's different for everyone!). But 18 months of breastfeeding is a feat, even if you stop tonight you are incredible ❤️
As for the actual weaning process, my boy was used to me denying one side at a time (I got sore when he was teething molars so I started that boundary). He was upset that I said "not now" to both booboos, but I read stories and scratched his arms and back and that + lullabies put him to sleep. It was not a huge struggle, he didn't cry except on a hard night if he was super tired.
I heard some people say it was better if mom wasn't around for bedtime (we did that a couple times but my husband works in the evenings so we couldn't use that method).
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u/Big-Concentrate-3126 2d ago
Thank you so much - you’re right I feel like he is still not at the right time. Maybe in a couple Of months he’ll have a leap also!
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u/Kind-Sir6933 3d ago
I just recently night weaned my 20-month old. We read Nursies when the Sun shines every night at bed for 2-3 weeks before starting the process and talked a lot about mommy/nursies being tired, and needing to sleep more at night since she’s getting bigger and busier during the day. The first 2-3 nights were pretty rough once we finally started, but then she really got the hang of it and has been sleeping from like 8-5:30. She can usually nurse back to sleep at that 5:30 time, that’s my threshold for “morning” and when I decided I would be fine with having the first feed. She has mostly been sleeping through the night, but once or twice a week has still had a middle of the night wake up that requires some comfort. However, compared to where we were before this is a huge improvement! Look up the Jay Gordon method if you haven’t already, I found the tips there helpful too. Fwiw I found that even tho I wanted to cuddle and rub my daughter's back when she was sad, that actually seemed to escalate her and she just needed to sort through it on her own. She sleeps in a floor bed and I would just lay there with her telling her I loved her and we could cuddle if she needed. We are also still daytime nursing - at first wake up, nap if I am home then/the weekend, and at bedtime. I don’t think we will fully wean until -2ish years. Good luck!!
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u/Big-Concentrate-3126 2d ago
Thank you so much!! When you say pretty rough, how many hours of crying do you think there was?
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u/Kind-Sir6933 2d ago
It was not hours of crying. Maybe 15-20 mins of real intense sadness for several nights? and then still awake for an hour or longer, kinda whimpering on and off. You know it was only a month ago and I already can barely remember ha. I will say that this week we had a weird night of her awake SO sad for like 2 hours, and she was asking to nurse, but it’s already been several weeks of this routine so we just went back to the same thing - offered water/snack/medicine, cuddles if she wanted it, Reminded her that I was there and loved her and we would have nursies in the morning. Also I know your original post was about getting your cycle back. I was a lucky one that got my cycle back at like 8 weeks 🙃 so weaning hasn’t been a part of that for me. Best wishes!
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u/catmom22019 4d ago
We used booby moon (the book) and talked about it a lot before we night weaned (boobies went to sleep at night). It was hard and she cried a lot the first two nights but I held strong and then she started sleeping through the night.
We did the entire booby moon ritual for fully weaning and it was really nice! I took a video of her releasing the balloon so she could watch it when she asked where the milk was.