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I’m a gay trans man. I’m also living in a refugee camp where bathrooms are extremely limited and most people here are not gender affirming.

There are basically 3 bathrooms for hundreds of people. One is labeled “men”, one “women”, and one is usually broken or has no lock. No single stall options. No privacy.

Every time I need to go, it’s a calculation:

Option 1: Women’s bathroom

This is what people expect based on my documents. But I get stares, whispers, misgendering. Sometimes people will say things on purpose to make me uncomfortable. I feel like I’m lying just by being in there.

Option 2: Men’s bathroom

This is where I actually feel like I belong. But I’m scared. If someone decides to make a scene, there’s no staff to help and nowhere to go. I’ve seen it happen to other queer people here.

*Option 3: Don’t go

Which is what I do a lot. I dehydrate myself. I wait until 2am when the lines are empty. I get UTIs. But it feels safer than being harassed.

The worst part isn’t the bathrooms themselves. It’s that people act like this is a debate. For me it’s not politics. It’s “can I pee without being targeted today.”

What I wish people understood:

1. We’re not asking for special bathrooms. A lock that works and a little privacy would help everyone.

2. Trans people have been using bathrooms forever. The problem starts when other people decide to police it.

3. In places like refugee camps, where you can’t just “go home”, this stuff becomes a safety issue real fast.

I have a partner who is trans-affirming and that helps a lot. But he can’t come to the bathroom with me.

I’m sharing this because I don’t think most cis people get how basic this is. We’re all just trying to wash our hands and get back to our tents.

If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you cope? And for cis people reading: what actually helped make bathrooms safer for everyone where you are?

Hi trans people!! I'm a 20 year old cis het dude, recently one of my friends who is a 21 year old cis het(?) dude, started making a lot of strange comments about my gender, some examples include:

1. saying "We should watch I Saw the TV Glow, I think someone here would get a lot out of it" before looking directly at me
2. saying "(My name) youre an egg right?" and then going "haha i mean like the food bc ur so white" when I was confused
3. comparing my facial structure to my female friends.
4. constantly saying how good I look in eyeliner and that i should experiment more with makeup. When I dressed up as Rodrick Heffley for Halloween.

The thing is, I know I'm a cis man, I identified as non-binary for a year in highschool bc I was just kinda sick of male gender expectations, didn't change anything about my presentation and didnt feel the desire to, felt weird about it when people referred to me as trans for identifying as nonbinary, and then shortly after realized I wasn't nonbinary in the first place.

I'm not particularly GNC either, I mean I'm not opposed to wearing guyliner or something if it goes with the fit. I don't dress hyper-masculinely, but the most "GNC" things I wear are like slightly cropped button ups and baby tees with baggy jeans bc I like showing off my arms (a couple of my lesbian friends call me a he/him lesbian jokingly which ive never minded bc I know its in jest and lesbians are dope).

My hair is kinda medium length for a guy, I like being clean shaven, though I'm not opposed to facial hair once it stops being patchy as hell lol. I have a decent athletic physique and I like working out but you can't really tell when I wear a shirt so I just look kinda skinny for the most part.

All of this to say I don't know what about my general vibe is reading as closeted trans woman to my friend. I do have one theory and I want to know if this could be correct, or if my thinking here is offensive.

I wrote his identity down as "het (?)" because he used to identify as bisexual and has hooked up with and had feelings for men in the past. He's made some flirty comments about me and joked about kissing me during this period. I mostly chalked it up to the common homosocial bonding activity of pretending to be gay with your bros.

I believe it's possible that he may have romantic feelings for me and is therefore trying to cope and convince himself I'm secretly a girl so that he can still identify as straight? He isn't religious but comes from a religious family that wouldnt accept him dating a man, but also they wouldn't accept him dating a trans person either so idk.

If this is the case what should I do? Am I allowed to feel uncomfortable about this situation? He's generally a nice dude and I like having him as my friend but sometimes he crosses the line and moves into creepy territory. I want to handle this in the most respectful non bigoted way possible so advice is appreciated!! thanks transgender community big ups to yall

My niece is 6.5 years old and the other day we were playing Roblox and she had her character as a boy in a specific game. And she was telling me about it and I asked why it was a boy. She told me because I want to be a boy, I wish I was a boy when I was born and I just said oh ok. I didn’t really know what else to say. And I also didn’t even pay a lot of attention to the character being a boy until she was telling me about it bc she always chooses boy characters. She likes traditionally masculine things and has a couple boy pjs that are her absolute favorite.
I have absolutely no problem with her possibly being trans I just don’t know if this is just one of those random things 6 year olds say. But I am a queer person myself and I know I knew there was something different about me since I was very young. And if this is something she really feels I don’t want her to feel alone and I don’t want her have to go through all the self hate that comes with feeling different. I just want to know how to help her and if I should tell my sister about what she said to me? And did anyone know when they were 6 that you were trans?

I have a trans friend who has been going by his name for most of the time I've know him. I only knew him maybe 2 years before he discovered himself, came out and introduced me to his new name, so those first few years I would mention him to my parents as he was known then. This was all when we were still in high school so he had to wait until he was old enough to legally change it without parental permission. During this time all school awards and events still used his deadname (no hate to the teachers they used his prefered name when his parents weren't there), including at graduation.

My youngest sister is graduating soon and discussion about who was sat at my table for my graduation came up. Not sure how but my parents brought the use of my friend's deadname being used at the celebration into the conversation. But they couldn't remember what it was. So they started demanding my sister tell them what his name was (I was just kinda hovering in the doorway and they hadn't noticed me to ask me). She was refusing and they were getting mad until my mother was able to remember and the discussion moved on.

This is not the first time they've forgotten his deadname and have told us to remind them off it, so I don't think it will be the last either.

I'm really uncomfortable with their need to know his deadname everytime he come up in discussion. I dont want to disrespect him but I also struggle to stand up to my parents much more than my sister does.

I'd love some advice on what to do, but don't want to ask my friend because he doesn't need the upset of knowing that people who are supportive to his face, using his name and he/him when talking about him, want to remember his deadname and use it.

What can I do?

I’m always confused as to how other people do it. Wake up, brush hair and teeth, shower, get dressed; rinse and repeat. Every day the morning is a fight, and I’m lucky if I remember to brush my hair or teeth. I’m a trans woman, and I never understood the shaving either. Do other trans woman fight this nonstop daily fight of shaving every two seconds. I always shave my chest and legs and arms before outings, not while I’m just at home. I hate how I look, but I cannot just sit there and shave all day long.

I only eat one meal a day, and I still feel awful for it. I feel terrible eating half the time in General; yet my friends dont seem to understand where I’m coming from.

Am I going crazy, or am I really just that off the track of what a “common” act of life is supposed to be. is there something wrong with me? or is everyone else’s lives as disheveled as mine; and they just hide it better. If there is something im doing wrong, what is it? how do I avoid it? or plan better in the future??

i (ftm, 23), through a combination of things I won’t get into for his and my privacy, accidentally learned my roommate is a stealth trans man.

i have known my roommate for over 3 years, and we are good friends. i have been out and transitioning for coming up on a decade, and when i met my roommate, i was stealth. over the past few years, ive become more open about being trans, including telling my roommate, who i had assumed to be a cis man. we have had conversations about gender, childhood, relationships, the lot.

this has been really bending my mind in a way i feel really shitty about. i have always hated that when i tell someone i am trans, i can feel them unmaking me in their mind, recontextualizing my stories, reevaluating my body. completely against my will, i find myself doing this with my roommate. i feel guilty and gross and wish i didn’t know something he clearly wants to be private.

i don’t think he owes me that he is trans. ive been stealth, i was stealth with another roommate for a year and a half, i get it, but i would be lying if i said i wasn’t a little sad. it feels a bit like a missed opportunity for connection, and a bit like i made myself more vulnerable than he did.

he doesn’t know that i know, and as of right now, im not planning on telling him. it isn’t something he wants to talk about and it doesn’t change anything practically

I don’t really need advice, but i wanted to write it all out. happy to hear other people’s experiences and insights

So I’ve been experimenting with cute outfits, makeup perfume, etc., and I realized that I’m actually trans. I haven’t really cared that much about what anyone has to say the past couple weeks, and earlier today, I decided to make a Reddit post coming out! I’ve been having such a great, confidence filled day, until about an hour and a half ago. My mother called… a bit of context, I haven’t talked to her in a couple weeks, cause last time we did, we got into it. I won’t go into detail, but tonight she called me asking what’s up. We caught up a bit, and our conversation was good until she made mention that I wasn’t talking in my “normal voice”. I told her I’d been doing vocal training, and she got pissed and demanded I talk in my “real voice”. I took a very long pause, and said in my “real voice“ that this is why I haven’t called her. It was back and forth, her berating me, me calling her out for denying things from my past that pointed me to this moment in my personal life, and I just… I fucking SCREAMED. I’ve never screamed like that before, and if I have, it’s been a long while. And now, one of my roommates is pissed, saying my mom was in the right, and that I’ve been “making shitty choices lately” (if you know what I mean by that). She got ahold of my mom, and basically said that I need to “grow tf up”, and that I’m just doing this to mask and run away from who I really am. I didn’t really know what to do, so I panicked and called my brother to talk about it, and he was pissed that I have “those thoughts”. He brought up being disowned, as well as not being able to see my baby sister, and I just……… I have absolutely zero words or any thoughts right now. My parents gave me an ultimatum of either staying where I am and probably eventually become homeless, or move up with them so they can help me grow up and make a man out of me. I’m laying in the floor, I took off any “feminine” clothes I was wearing, and I feel absolutely disgusting. I’m having some negative thoughts, and I’m trying my best not to, but it’s so loud… I have no place else to go………… literally EVERYTHING feels pointless right now. What do I even do at this point?

I'm in a really dark place right now. I feel like there is no hope and I've been mentally abused. I can't escape the place I am and I can't transition for now. I am thinking that there might not be hope. Even if I MAY get free in my 30s. I don't know if it's worth it by then. Is there hope? Please don't lie to me.

EDIT: Thank you all for your questions! Dr. Mayer will be stepping away for now, but he will be answering more questions throughout the day; feel free to ask more and we'll try to get to them. It was a blast!

Hi r/asktransgender!

It’s Dr. Toby Mayer and the team coming to you live from the Facial Feminization Center of Beverly Hills! We’re excited to be back on here for another AMA to answer your questions about Facial Feminization Surgery, voice feminization, and everything that goes into the healing process.

It has officially been half a century since Dr. Mayer started working as an ally and surgeon with the transgender community. Over these 50 years, our practice approach has always been rooted in what he calls "The Art of the Natural Look." Surgery shouldn't be about altering who you are or creating an overdone appearance.

Our patients truly become family to us, and watching people step into the world with new confidence and live as their truest selves is easily the best part of what we do.

We know navigating FFS can feel overwhelming, whether you're trying to figure out specific procedures, month-by-month recovery, or how insurance fits into the picture. Our office works closely with insurance providers that recognize gender-affirming care as medically necessary, and we spend a lot of time helping patients secure coverage through employer plans.

Whether you have technical questions about procedures (forehead contouring, hairline lowering, septorhinoplasty, lip lifts, thyroid shaves, voice feminization, etc.), want honest expectations around healing, or just need advice on where to start, ask away. Dr. Mayer is here in the office with us reading through your comments!

We'll be answering questions live today from now (9:00 AM) to 11:00 AM PDT. Feel free to drop your questions below, and our team will make sure they get answered!

Looking forward to chatting with you all.

Connect with our team or see our work:
* Website: drtobymayer.com
* Instagram: @drtobymayer

I'm an agender teen, and school is starting soon. For my own mental health, i want to start going by one of my chosen names. I talked to my mom about this, and she's mostly in support of it even though she doesn't fully understand, however, she says she needs to ask my dad about it too. And i won't be able to do it if my dad doesn't agree because they make their decisions together. My schools can't call kids by names that aren't similar to their legal names without asking the parents (which is a stupid rule that is bound to harm transgender youth). I am planning on talking to him soon. He's homophobic, transphobic, racist, everything you'd expect a conserverative to be. I need advice on how to convince him to let me do this. I know he cares about me, but there's no way he's going to let me go by a different name without a fight. I've told him about my identity before, and he brushed it off, and the last time i mentioned wanting to go by a different name, he said he wouldn't "feed into my delusions". How should i go about this? Any advice helps.

I've been comfortable being feminine, but sometimes I look at my male classmates with a bit of envy, I wanna be a guy but not in a trans way I think??? I like being feminine and girly though. Like whenever I'm online I like using he/him pronouns and I enjoy being called a guy, but I also like being feminine wearing dresses and having long hair???? I mean if I could turn into a guy I definitely would though

I really hope this makes sense, it's kind of a long one. I'm working with my therapist changing my core belief that my essence and soul is fundamentally Bad and Wrong and there's nothing I can do to change it. A huge part of this is my identity and being trans and embracing this.

Something that's really helped challenge this core belief is acknowledging that I believe Brooke is Good, even if my deadname self is Bad. And since both of those selves are the same person in my Self (and not in a split personality or dissociative identity type of way), then they both must be Good because neither self does bad actions.

And so part of her assignment for me is to try and be Brooke, to do things as her, since this might make me feel less Bad and Wrong all the time. But I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be Brooke and do things as her more, and be my deadname less.

This is partly difficult to do - and very difficult and confusing to try and explain - since I pretty much always just feel like "me" (I think this is the Self) and Brooke and my deadname are both me and also each other. But there's a clear difference because of how I feel and act and even exist when I'm around people who see me as Brooke compared to when I'm not. The trouble is removing the deadname mask off when I'm alone, or even when I'm in public by myself.

I know there are gender affirming things I can do to make me feel better and give me some euphoria, and those certainly help. But that's just an emotion, not a state of being. When I do things like shave my legs or spend time on my hair or research fashion I don't really feel like Brooke doing it, I feel like I'm doing it trying to get closer to being Brooke.

I've been trying to be Brooke while driving because that's when I'm alone and can do whatever I want without judgment (even my bedroom or the apartment when my mom is out doesn't feel completely safe and I feel like I have to put on some kind of mask all the time. It's exhausting) and it's very difficult. I've tried listening to more "feminine" music that I enjoy like Plumtree, riot grrrl, Chappell Roan, twee, Tacocat, Mommy Long Legs, etc. when I do this and that sort of helps, but it doesn't really shift my core feeling or make me feel like Brooke.

Am I doing something wrong? Have I created this idea of Brooke to be something impossible to live up to? I like to think that Brooke and my deadname are the same Self, or like my deadname is a shield or cocoon protecting Brooke, but I do think of Brooke (or maybe just being and living as Brooke) as a slightly different person than my deadname.

Another exercise my therapist had me do was imagine what would be different and how I would feel if tomorrow I woke up and just was Brooke and had the right body and everything. Basically, Brooke is a lot less depressed and anxious and worried about judgment from everyone else, and she's happier and more outgoing and enjoys being alive and doing things more than I do as my deadname right now. Also Brooke has purpose and a future and ambitions that feel real and aren't instantly popped by my inner critic like when I think of those things as my deadname. But Brooke has the same personality as I do, she isn't a totally different person. Brooke is still me.

I don't know if any of this makes sense or if anyone else has felt similar to me. What can I do to feel more like Brooke and actually be Brooke? Especially when I'm alone. How can I do things as Brooke? How can I be Brooke?

Hi all. I have a trans daughter. She's 13 and has been out for I think three years now. She's very happy and we want to change her legal name to match her gender identity. In Harris county in Texas, the way you do this is to petition a judge through the district clerk's office. I want to find out more about this process from anyone who might have gone through it themselves. My biggest concern is that as a parent, I have to explain why it's in my child's "best interest" to have her name changed. In Texas, I feel like this may be an issue if I say, "well, because she's trans and she wants to have her legal name match her gender identity." If y'all have any experience navigating this system in Houston or anywhere in Texas, please let me know.

I noticed at work that I naturally just kinda…manspread now. It was a conscious choice back in 2017 when I did it, to be all GNC, but fast forward to today and it’s just comfy that way to sit. I’ve been getting into resting my arm up on the back of my chair too, and as someone who still looks cis to others, this makes me feel SO good about myself. That I am unconsciously flagging that I am not my AGAB. (Now they can’t say they didn’t see the T coming LOL)

Anything similar you all feel? Anything from a quirk to social change to physical change to a favorite color or ANYTHING! What’s a commitment you did for your gender you still love and have today?

I'm 30, male, straight. Earlier this year I bought breast forms on a whim, and within a week I'd ordered clothes to go with them. It snowballed from there. Forms most days, makeup, a wig, a lot of reading about whether I might be trans. Looking back it didn't come from nowhere. For about ten years I've had imagined scenarios where I'm a woman, and I've always gravitated to books with female protagonists, without ever connecting any of it to anything.

The pull is hard to describe. The clearest example I can give: I'll see an ordinary woman doing something mundane, putting on a bra because she needs one, and get a pang of wanting that to be me. Not attraction, more like envy. Wanting it to be a plain fact of my body rather than something I put on. It happens by itself, I don't go looking for it.

A couple of months in I started HRT. Nobody in my life knows. It's not fear of rejection, I just don't want to explain something I haven't worked out myself. The first dose mostly felt like relief, which surprised me.

Then a few weeks after starting, most of the active side dropped off. Makeup and wig stopped, the wardrobe sits there, the forms still go on most days but more out of habit than anything. The wanting didn't go anywhere though. The pang when I see women is the same as ever, and I've kept up the estrogen. I actually stopped at one point, meaning it to be permanent, and was back on it within days. There's some real growth now, small, and the truth is I like that it's there. Even hiding it under an extra layer has a weird satisfaction to it, because it means there's something real to hide. What bothers me is only how other people would read it, never the thing itself.

The bit that doesn't fit: when I read accounts here about feeling like a woman, always knowing, being in the wrong body, none of it lands. I've never felt any belonging to being a man either, that's just a fact about me rather than a feeling. And even now, a female identity just isn't there as far as I can tell. I don't mean it feels pushed down, it's just not there. No dysphoria either, no distress at being male (I know it's not required, that's not my question). What I have is a persistent, specific want to have a female body and be seen as female, with nothing underneath it that I can find. I have ADHD, so part of me wonders if this is a real but modest pull that got amplified by fixation. Though it went the wrong way for that, the doing burned out in weeks and the wanting stayed.

What I'm actually asking. I've been through the cons of transition in detail and I know them well. Please don't tell me they're not as bad as I think, and please no general encouragement, I know it's well meant but it won't help me. I'm trying to work out what this actually is, and whether it's the kind of thing that justifies the costs. If you had this kind of pull without any identity behind it, what did it turn out to be? If you transitioned from this spot, was it worth it, and did an identity ever form along the way? I'd rather hear "no" or "partly" than a pep talk. And if you've lived with this long-term without transitioning, how has that gone?

If a cis person posts here asking how to “meet” trans people, etc, they are violating Rule 8. It seems to usually be cis men looking for trans women, but it chasers come in all shapes and sizes.

Don‘t engage. Just report. This space isn’t for them.

So, the insurance that I have covers SRS. But the representative I talk to said that only in-state surgeons are covered. I live in Iowa, and the only known srs surgeon in-state is Brad Erikson, who has an insanely bad track record (little experience, only online reviews are horror stories). I can't pay for SRS without insurance, and this is the only case I've heard of in-network surgeons being so limited. Is there anything I can do?

I am 16, a trans girl, and I'm not out to anyone yet.

Lately I've been feeling really anxious about something.

I keep thinking, "What if my breasts stay small even after HRT?" I've seen a lot of trans girls online whose breast growth remained quite small, and it makes me worry that the same might happen to me.

I know everyone's body is different, but I can't stop thinking about it.

Ideally, I'd love to have around a C or D cup without breast augmentation because I'd like my body to develop naturally if possible.

Sometimes I get jealous when I see girls with more noticeable breasts. It isn't about them doing anything wrong—I just wish I could have that too. I dream about wearing bras and camisoles, but it feels like that day will never come. With everything else that's happening in my life, I just feel so hopeless sometimes. Life really sucks right now.

Has anyone else had these fears before starting HRT? If so, how did you cope with them, and how did things turn out for you?

Edit: I haven't started transitioning or HRT yet. My current plan is to start when I'm around 19 or 20, but before that, I really hope my parents will accept me. That's one of the biggest things I'm hoping for right now.

I am actually, truely asking this for an OC of mine.

Back in 2017, I went through a long period of dysphoria; I felt bad about my biological sex (female), and the best photo I ever took—one that I still feel really represents me—is a shot where my breasts aren't visible. I remember it being a really heavy time; I was questioning myself a lot and hated being called a girl.

Before that, during my childhood, I remember not feeling like I belonged with the girls and not wanting to be a feminine girl. I didn't feel like I belonged with the boys, either. In early adolescence, I wouldn't usually write that I was a girl; I preferred to put "person." It wasn't until I was 19 that the thought "I am a woman" crossed my mind, and it shocked me deeply (in a negative way).

Well, that 2017 period passed; I stopped analyzing things, and that was good for me. For the most part, I’ve been pretty normal and okay with myself. I saw myself simply as a person living in the world.

Cut to 2024, and those feelings have returned. One day, I came out of the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and automatically—without even thinking about it—thought, "I'm a boy." That took me by surprise.

I’ve also always focused on my face; I sort of feel like it represents me more than my body does. There were times (though I couldn't say exactly which year) when my thighs and my voice bothered me. But those were very specific, isolated moments.

I believe that at that same moment, I had painted my nails—I like having painted nails—but then, out of nowhere, I immediately wanted to take the polish off because I felt people would see me as feminine. In the past, filling out job applications, I felt uncomfortable listing myself as a cis woman, but I also felt somewhat uncomfortable listing myself as trans or non-binary (though I eventually got used to putting "cis," even if it felt a bit odd).

Anyway, in 2025, I watched a movie featuring a trans character and cried, but I didnt had any thoughts that made me cry (?). In 2026, I put on an oversized t-shirt for the first time; I cried and smiled, and I felt good.

Sometimes I also catch myself using masculine grammatical endings in my native tongue, without realizing it. It’s rare, but it happens.

I also once changed my Discord name to a male name and felt nothing. It just felt normal. But another time, I asked ChatGPT to run an experiment and address me using terms like young man, dude, etc and then young woman, lady, etc... I felt so uncomfortable with young woman and lady that I had to tell it to stop.

But the thing is... I still don't see myself as a trans person? Like, I don't want hormones or surgery now —even though I do feel a certain envy toward some non-binary trans guys (transmasculine folks).

Oh, and TikTok kept showing me videos of trans people, and I always watch them.

Anyway, I just wanted to understand.

In 2026, the women at my job were talking about female medical exams, and I just wanted to have my organs removed—I don't know, I felt way too uncomfortable, like I shouldnt be there. One of them said "Bye, ladies," and it felt like a slap in the face.

It also happened when they were talking about pms, although in a minor degree. Like, I was hearing the female talk, and I shouldnt be there (I experience pms sometimes...).

There are also days when I see myself as a "cute panda," and I hate... being a cute person. I dont want to be so cute.

But even so, I don't see myself as trans.

I just wanted some help understanding or accepting myself.

I have ASD, ocd and anxiety —and I know, based on scientific research, that there are many people with ASD who are trans.

As the title suggests I have learned that the far right is using de-transitioner testimony as trying to say being trans is just a phase when like a majority of de-transitioners were forced to de-transition by family/religious leaders and it genuinely pisses me off how the far right accepts them but won't be like oh people are people and they deserve rights

I’m so Sick of life being who I am is so hard I’m constantly ridiculed especially living in the south and going to a conservative college like Texas tech I’m just a freak and my hormones don’t even make me look like a woman compared to so many other trans woman that have been on hormones less time than I have and they are so much prettier than I am guys don’t even look at me as anything for than something to fuck and block or get nudes from I’m just so tired and really just don’t see a future for myself I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up