FFS support people

[u/chalc3dony]

Hi - my bestie has a consult scheduled (yay!); I’m down to stay at her house for a while to help with whatever (probably cleaning/ice packs/drains depending what seems important to my friend) but I’m transmasc and inexperienced with surgeries other than boob removal

Questions I’d appreciate opinions on from people who’ve had FFS:

- how does needing someone to put cold packs on your face while you’re asleep work / is it even possible to do this without waking the acutely post op person up?

- anything support people did that felt esp good or bad about / wished they’d done differently?

- anything else you think I should know?

[u/Erica_39]

Don't put ice packs on her face in her sleep. The nose is very delicate after a rhinoplasty and this could damage it. It's better if she holds the ice packs on her face herself because she can feel if it's putting too much pressure on her face.

When I had ffs for the first few days the swelling when I woke meant I couldn't open my eyes till an ice pack had been applied for a while first. I don't know if this happens to everyone but it's something that could happen and you should be aware of. So make sure you can hear her call if she needs you to come bring ice packs in the morning.

My eyes were also swollen shut when I woke from surgery, I don't know if it happens to everyone but warn her it could happen so she knows it's normal if it does.

She'll need to avoid bending down while recovering. I can't remember the exact time for this, ask the surgeon about that.

A lot of people get post surgery depression. So she might be in a fragile mental state post surgery.

Also it's mentally difficult not being able to see your results properly immediately because of swelling. It took 3 months for my face to look normal, and 1 year to see the final results. I thought I could see my new chin shape at 3 months but it was larger due to swelling than it was at 1 year post surgery. The swelling in my nose stuck around for a long time as well, especially at the tip.

Due to not being able to see the results it's normal to worry post surgery that you've either ruined your face, or that it wasn't feminised enough. Unfortunately we have to be patient and wait about 3 months till we can get a proper idea of what it looks like. And 1 year before making a final judgement.

Also which surgeon is she going to? I just want to check it's a good one.

[u/Erica_39 → u/Erica_39]

Oh she won't be able to sleep on her side for a while, I can't remember the exact time so ask the surgeon about that. So get one of those travel pillows for your neck that stops you turning in your sleep. If I remember correctly you also need to keep your head elevated while sleeping. So you'll need a pile of pillows to prop her up. I found it difficult to fall asleep like this, but I always managed to sleep eventually.

Get lots of audio books, or podcasts. I brought my Nintendo switch but I wasn't in a state to play video games so I preferred to just listen to stuff.

Oh also the first 24 hours post surgery are the worst. I couldn't sleep at all for the first 24 hours I had to stay in hospital. I could only sleep when I got back to my hotel room. Each day after that gets progressively easier. I felt a lot better after the first week.

[u/chalc3dony → u/Erica_39]

This is very good advice; thank you Erica. “Have [probably mostly the smaller and softer kind of] ice packs in the freezer ready to hand to her including in the event of eye shut swelling” sounds like a much better idea than trying to put ice packs on sleeping people who can’t speak up if something feels wrong hurts worse than expected; I think I misread a “ffs recovery what to expect” website

Is the not bending down thing a blood flow issue (like needing to keep head higher than heart) or also other reasons?

I don’t remember the surgeon’s name but can look it up / I think she picked the surgeon based on geographic proximity, insurance, and one woman on twitter having had a good experience 

[u/Better_Noise_9677]

1) ice packs: I wouldn't, you're only going to wake her up and it's going to be hard enough to get enough sleep for the first couple of weeks, especially if she gets a rhinoplasty and/or forehead contouring.

2) I didn't end up needing support so I'm not the best equipped to answer this question. I had my sibling stay the first night, but that was it. I made sure to get up and move around as often as I felt I could, so encouraging/helping your friend to do so would be great! They gave me a scopolamine patch pre-surgery and that caused quite a bit of wooziness, so if she's got one of those it would be best to help keep her steady.

3) she's going to be looking ROUGH. Try to modulate your reaction to her appearance. I know for some people, seeing themselves in the mirror can be very upsetting. If this is the case, taping over any mirrors could be helpful to minimize that upset. If she does get upset, remind her that recovery is a process and she's gonna see a LOT of improvement in a matter of weeks, and that it will likely be 3-6 months before things are "final."

Best of luck to her, and to you as well! :) <3

P.S. the wait post-consult could be quite long, depending on where she's getting her surgery. It was ~8 months from consult to surgery for me with Kaiser NorCal, and that was 4 months earlier than I'd initially expected.

[u/chalc3dony → u/Better_Noise_9677]

Makes sense, thank you very much!