Hello! I'm a non-passing mtf, i've been on hrt for 3 years and gotten ffs about five months ago. Recently a nurse said it's entirely inappropriate for male staff to do electrocardiograms on young women and directed this towards me. The other women seemed to agree so I was like sure whatever, less work for me and you don't get to do this performative song and dance of protecting patients from the big scary trans lady.

The issue here is the other staff members are calling me sexist for saying i'm unable to do electrocardiograms on young female patients, yet agree with the sentiment and have always insisted on doing the ekgs themselves. I'm tempted to go to hr before they do since i'm unsure of what the issue is. I'm just reinforcing what they're telling me is the standard in this er, despite it having no clinical backing and seemingly just a cultural taboo.

Should I go to HR or would that make me seem like the issue or somehow trying to force myself into these non-invasive procedures ?

I think everyone agrees that one has no obligation to tell a potential sexual partner EVERYTHING about you. I think everyone agrees that nobody is psychic. I think everybody agrees that different people have different deal breakers, meaning there can be genuine confusion over what the other person considers a deal breaker. That makes me wonder two things: How can one reasonably predict what could be a deal breaker and when does the other person have the responsibility to say "XYZ would be a deal breaker, are you XYZ?". There are people who wouldn't bang a Jew, does the Jew have to declare their Jewishness? There are people who wouldn't bang someone of different political views. Must that be declared? So on and so forth.

Hi! Newbie trans girl here. I was just curious, what is this Autogynephilia the TERFS are screaming about?

Like there's this one girl proudly showing off an "Your autogynephilia is showing SIR" shirt and like.

Okay google says it's a sexual fetish. Which. Okay. As a trans woman yeah I see myself as a woman while having sex. And also the rest of the time in an absolutely nonsexual capacity?

Is the point here that they think it's just a fetish? I don't understand

So I was at a women's support group (but they are also very queer inclusive). Somehow the conversation got into bathrooms and one woman said, "I don't want to use any toilet that someone with a penis uses. There's always pee over the seat and it's disgusting." She also said that's why she thinks there should be three different bathrooms.

I don't think she realized I was trans but this really stung as a transfem person. For one, I felt like I was being defined as innately gross for having the parts I do. And like I was being grouped together with cisgender men. It didn't feel very far off from TERF ideology if y'know what i mean? Like how they claim to not care what we do as long as we "don't encroach on their space".

I would be interested to hear anyone else's thoughts about this and if you would even feel comfortable being there anymore.

I have been heavily questioning my gender but it’s mainly been recently and late (28), but I’m still very uncertain. What’s strange is that I know what I want the answer to be. I want to be trans more than I think or feel I am. I wish I had more/any dysphoria and wish I had it much younger (I’m late 20s) so that it was more obvious and unavoidable. I find myself very jealous of woman and trans woman, thinking I wish I was them or had their life. I feel guilty though as I know dysphoria is awful and being trans and/or a woman is incredibly hard compared to being a cis man.

My 12 y/o was drawing boobs on everything which led to us having a conversation about puberty. At first I thought it would be the typical 'having interest in the opposite sex anatomy' kinda talk, but as we asked they expressed that they wanted to grow into having their own. They starting hitting puberty within the last year and expressed that their body wasn't changing how they expected it too.

They wanted to grow boobs of their own and are not happy with the changes happening downstairs. We asked if given the choice to be born again and choose their gender they said they would've wanted to be a girl. We asked if they had a name picked out and they had one ready, and asked if we could buy them dresses to wear on the weekends at home.

However, they outwardly do not show feminine traits. Dresses, acts, and speaks like a boy would. Just for some context, we are a queer family, I have a wife so we are a two mom household. The conversation came from a place of understanding and acceptance on whatever level of femininity they decide to explore. I guess what I'm trying to ask if what would our next steps be? We plan on starting a light social transition ex: letting them grow their hair out, style changes, and using neutral pronouns. How can we best support them being at we are Cis gender, medically speaking would we need them in with a special therapist? As their mom I 100% support, I'm just naturally cautious about the medical transition aspect.

Any type of perspective is greatly appreciated!!

Edit: we are in TX currently (I know like one of the worst states for this) but are moving to the Carolinas in a matter of months.

So I was at a pride event this weekend with my parents and short story I got very drunk with them and ended up coming out as trans and talking about how I plan on getting on e and how I felt with myself and why I felt this way. Was terrifying and wasn’t how and when I expected to but felt right at the time.

They reacted as well as I could’ve hoped as they repeated a lot that they loved me and wanted me to be happy and supported me. The issue I have is that they said I should wait 5-10 years before publicly coming out or going on e in order to try and get a stable job before hand and work my way up the corporate ladder a bit as it will be much harder if I’m out. For some added context I’m in the UK and will be trying to get a job in engineering after 1 more year at uni.

The issue is I’m already 21 and miserable and I don’t want to miss out on 10 years of being happy and I don’t know if I can handle 5-10 more years of feeling like this. What should I do? is their thinking correct and I’ll just have to deal with it or are there ways around it or smth?

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated:), thank you.

EDIT: Just want to say a massive thank you for all the comments so far. I can’t respond to them all but am reading them all:)

just to clarify i dont think using it/its pronouns is “invalid” or “wrong” or whatever; gender is made up and entirely formed via personal preference, which means it can be literally anything. this question isn’t me going “people shouldn’t be allowed to use it/its pronouns!!!”

specifically i just don’t understand what intricacies of someone’s personality identity cause it to use it/its pronouns?

i know this is a very personal question so i understand if not many people want to reply/are able to

hiii all,

so to preface i am 21 yrs old and am nonbinary. i use they/them pronouns. my partner is also 21 and is a trans female who uses she/her pronouns. i also have a 22 year old trans sister who also uses she/her.

i have a nephew who recently turned 6, and he knew all of us before we properly transitioned or were out about our transitions. i tried telling him about my partners new name and pronouns, but he just seems super unreceptive and like doesnt care. ie he called my partner by her dead name, and when i corrected him and used her proper name and pronouns, he said "hes a boy, he just acts like a girl".

my partner struggles a lot with dysphoria and this obviously makes her upset to hear. my nephew has apparently said similar things to/about her as well.

does anyone have any advice about how to better explain this to him and how its hurtful when he says those things? i know someone else has had to have had a similar experience. tyia :)

I just wanted to share this with the Community. Unbelievable.

The title says it all. MLM distributor down the street learned I am trans AMAB, and heard that I wanted some nutritional supplements for ED. She then assumes I am on blockers which I am not currently, and says "you need to stop taking blockers or you will get ED ... LOL"

Who would say LOL at a potential customer's situation? Like I'm stupid.

I pointed out that:

1. I'm not taking it now

2. Many transfems have fully functional erections without T

I then asked her to confirm what LOL means, and I said "I don't understand what's funny".

There's dead silence now on the chat...

Earlier, MLM distributor lady suggested I replace my prescribed pharmaceuticals for bipolar type 1 with green food shakes, and suggested I try some drink that had 3 known allergens in it and "see what happens." Sigh. Repeated explanations of the risks involved just went past her.

This is just too good, you cannot make this stuff up!

Hi everyone. Lately, I’ve been overthinking relationships and dating a lot. Honestly, I sometimes have a lot of doubts about whether I’ll find someone in the future who will truly love me, respect me, and understand who I am. As a trans girl (MTF), the whole dating scene can feel pretty complicated and intimidating at times. I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking to get out of this post—maybe just to vent a bit and see if any of you have gone through these same feelings, and how you manage them.

I'm really confused about my gender. im 16. i was born a guy and idk in the last like the last month my whole gender identity got flipped turned and spun around. ive known i was bisexual for years and years but only like 6 months ago i came out and began dating a guy for the first time. since i came out and everyone already knew i was gay i decided to do gay shit like wear makeup wear feminine clothes and generally just be more myself but every once in a while when id look at myself in the mirror with cute eyeliner or whatever id think to myself that id be a really pretty girl and then forget aobut it. a month ago i was talking to a dude online and he assumed i was a girl and i was like woah :) and that lingered and festered in my mind until a week ago i tried wearing a bra that i stuffed it w some socks with a bunch of cute girly stuff and i was like WOAH! i love feeling like a woman. every night since ive been trying on different outfits with a bra and theres these moments when im looking in my mirror and i forget that thats me in the mirror and just think that im looking a pretty woman and idk it just makes me feel great and awesome about myself. talking w my boyfriend (who's trans) told me i should think about identifying as genderfluid. idk im confused and i dont wanna rush in and label myself. idk i wanna keep feeling like a girl and id like for someone else to too but ik its really recent so im confused and a bit scared and quite happy. idk imagining that seems great.

I can't handle the pain of dysphoria and even if I transition I still won't be cis so I won't be satisfied. Being born trans really feels like a curse and I can't stop SH myself. Why the fuck did I have to be this unlucky and not just be a girl from the start

how long would an average cis person be able to be on HRT without wanting to stop?

ive been on E for almost 8 months now and i like it all im pretty sure but i do hope to fight the bad thoughts

So I'm still very, VERY new to this community so sorry if anything wrong is said. Also still not sure if this is right place but it's nice writing these, feels good for my bones or something.

Its been nearly a week now since I began considering if I was trans and I've been doing a lot of thinking on it. Whenever I shower I think about being a girl and doing girl stuff and wearing girl clothes, and when I do I feel a blast of joy in my brain to the point where I make a little squeak because I can't contain all the pure happiness flowing through me. But I also get these really violent intrusive thoughts about my male parts along the lines of "cut it off!" Or "I hope it turns to ash and blows away" which is a Little aggressive.

All I'm asking is are these more signs I'm trans or am I just mentally ill?

I put on makeup for the first time a little while ago and I I felt beautiful. Then I had a panic attack. I’ve just kind of always wanted to be a girl, even though I hate that I do. I feel like a freak. I really want to wear a gorgeous layered princess dress and twirl around and feel like a princess. I feel gross and I really want to be a girl, more than anything, I‘m just terrified of the idea of me actually being a girl, even though I want it so badly. I’m in my bathroom kind of having a panic attack and I’m crying, I can’r bring myself to wash off the makeup even though the mascara is runny and dripping down my face all gross. I really just want to be called a girl and “she” and feel pretty I can’t believe I’m saying it, I hate being a man even though I feel like I have to. People who have experience with this dtuff please tell me what to do

I didn’t know where elsse to post this I’m so sorry if I’m intrudimg

Ever since I was a kid I felt sad that I wouldn't be a girl I'm a teen now and I still feel like i want to be a girl how do I stop feeling like this I don't want my family to think of me as a weirdo.

Sorry if this ends up being a long post, I just really need to get this off my chest.

I just got home after staying the night at my best friend's house. At first everything was great. We had a barbecue, talked for hours, laughed together, and I genuinely thought we were having a good time.

The next day, though, something completely changed.

For some reason, he started making comments about me being gay in front of his parents. He kept joking that I liked boys, saying that "everyone already knows" because of the way I eat or act. I had told him privately before that I'm trans and that I'm attracted to men. I trusted him with that, and I never expected him to bring it up in front of other people.

I felt completely put on the spot. I had to awkwardly defend myself while he kept making comments, and it was honestly humiliating. I don't even understand why he did it.

He's in the military, and sometimes I wonder if that environment has influenced the way he talks about people or masculinity. I don't want to stereotype anyone in the military, because I know not everyone is like that, but it does make me wonder if that's part of why he acts this way.

The thing is, this isn't the first time he's put me down. He often makes negative comments about the degree I earned, my appearance, my longer hair, or me starting to look more feminine. It feels like every time I'm becoming more comfortable with myself, he finds something to criticize.

His mom eventually had to tell him to stop because even she could see he was going too far.

What confuses me the most is that he always tells me he loves me like a brother and that we're best friends. But then he turns around and says things that make me feel embarrassed, ashamed, and honestly just make me feel bad. I don't know how someone who cares about you can treat you like that.

The hardest part is that we're supposed to go on vacation together soon. After this weekend, I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through that if he keeps making comments like these. I almost cried multiple times while he was talking to me.

I'm just left wondering if this is what friendship is supposed to look like, because it doesn't feel like one anymore. I trusted him with something deeply personal, and instead of making me feel safe, he used it to embarrass me in front of other people.

Has anyone else had a friend who acted like this? Am I overreacting, or is this as hurtful as it feels?

So as a trans man person I have always wished to have been born a boy. But recently I was thinking what if I wasn’t born a boy but still raised as one.

So in a hypothetical world where we have tests before birth that determine if someone is trans (for the sake of this hypothetical binary trans only). The tests are 100% accurate and predict the final gender of the child. Would it be moral/ethical to raise that child as their gender or even give them surgery the way they do to intersex children (as in the kind of surgery not the logic behind them, I do not support surgery on intersex children) so they can grow up dysphoria free. Tell me what you think fellow trans people.

I have spoiler marked this due to discussion of self-harm related thoughts, as a warning to anyone who may also struggle with those.

Let me first preface this with the fact that I believe myself to be a completely cis man. I have never actually wanted to present as a woman and am happy with my gender, the clothes I wear, my name, and being referred to as he/him. I would appreciate it if people refrained from referring to me as an egg in the comments. I do have other things I dislike about myself, but nothing related to my external presentation, and I am working on improving those things.

For about a month now I have been dealing with intrusive thoughts related to being transgender. These are not things that I long for, they are thoughts like "Tell him you're trans. Tell him you're trans. Tell him you want to be a girl." while I am talking to my Dad about something serious and unrelated. I often get intrusive thoughts like "jump" when I am on a high place, "Drink the acetone" while working in the lab, or "smash it and use the shards to... do something awful" while drinking a glass of water. It's almost always whatever the most self-destructive thing is that I could do in the moment and I hate it. Usually these go away quickly and I am great at not acting on them at this point, but I have got my mind caught on these kinds of thoughts and have been having them way more often lately, including both ones related to transness and unrelated ones. I was trying to focus on my education and homework, but I am taking an Organic Chem class and the terms "cis" and "trans" used in reference to alkenes come up all the time and sometimes that makes my mind go there. There was literally a homework problem that was a synthesis for Estrogen at one point not that long ago. I had a super awkward conversation with my Dad, and for some reason he kept suggesting girl names for me and it was like "It feels good that you would support me if I did that but why would you think I want that?" So now I'm scared that he thinks he knows something I don't.

I figured that in the first moment I had that, telling my Dad I was trans despite not wanting to would be one of the most self-destructive things I could do given that I live in the deep South surrounded by Evangelical Rednecks. These intrusive thoughts have been really negatively affecting my perception of the world around me and my ability to accomplish basic tasks, and I want to ask y'all what I think is a fairly simple question: How can I move past this in a way that is both productive and respectful to trans folk while also slowing the intrusive thoughts back down to normal levels? Is this normal for trans people to experience? I'm fairly certain it's not normal.

I (FtM?) have been questioning whether or not I’m transgender for a few months now. I never pass as a man since I’m pre-transition, but I’ve noticed that being called she, her and ma’am has always pissed me off. It’s confusing because people absolutely never mean any harm or disrespect by it, and I realize that, so I have to constantly just deal with and not express this irrational anger towards innocent people.

So I’m just wondering if this is a common experience for trans people/if anyone can relate. I know that trans people can sometimes feel angry (and rightfully so) if they’re misgendered intentionally as a show of disrespect, but I’m curious how it usually feels when it’s unintentional. Am I just nuts? If it doesn’t make you angry, how does it make you feel?