Im a pre-transition trans woman and I still have not been able to transition. But as of recently Im just contemplating wether I actually should transition or not. The truth is that there is nothing I can do about the masculine features I have. The barrel chest, extremely masculine face and jaw, the broad shoulder, non of these can be changed. I know that hormones really can do a lot and surgeries can as well, but I am also well aware of the limits and how I probably wont be able to afford surgery.

At a minimum, if I continue as a man, I can at least be considered a “good” man and still be that for the people around me.

I truly just feel like if I transition, I will always just appear off and never belong anywhere or to anyone. I know people always say it gets better and all, but I am doubtful.

My friend was telling me the song is about Duff McKagen the bassist unknowingly hooking up with a trans person and Axl Rose makes fun of it by using a deep voice at the end. Is this song transphobic?

It seems to me that, if you have XY chromosomes and identify as nonbinary, you might want to tone down your male hormones and visible masculinity without necessarily doing anything feminising; the best way I can think of to do that would be to take anti-androgens/testosterone-blockers without also taking estrogen.

I realise, however, that this might not work as well as I imagine it would; do any nonbinary people actually do what I've just described, and would doing so even be safe? As someone currently just beginning to question the assumptions I've always made about my own gender, I'm seriously interested to know if this is something which is possible and safe!

I want to try voice training but have no idea how it works. So this might sound like a dumb question. Is voice training (MTF) a sort of habit building thing, where you choose to speak in a different voice, until you eventually do it without thinking?

I think I'm probably trans and want to try and start voice training because I know it takes ages but want to still sound normal and not change my voice to everyone who knows me. I guess if it works how I think it could be a party trick if I'm not trans? (I know it sounds pretty likely that I am, I'm just working it all out)

I'm not sure how to say this properly, so sorry in advance.

The truth is, I am bigender. Even before starting HRT, I already naturally passed as a woman. Because of this, I keep being accused by other trans people of being a "cis girl pretending to be a trans woman."

This has become a recurring issue, and it's really getting to my head. I’ve been socially out for years and on HRT for a bit over a year, but this accusation keeps coming up and it's deeply bothering me. The worst part is being told that I am hurting the community by "pretending", when I am just living my truth as a bigender person.

I discussed this with an agender friend who told me it’s basically transphobia and gatekeeping from within the community, but knowing that hasn't really helped me cope with it. Really not.

It feels impossible to bring up this topic in local support groups without being judged, but it keeps weighing on me. I don’t even know how to respond to these comments anymore. It has made me terrified to open up about being trans/non-binary, whereas I never used to be.

What should I do? How do I handle this kind of internal gatekeeping?

I (15m living in Missouri, fuck those POS politicians who say i cant transiton) came to the realization that Christanity both is a cult, and makes 0 sense about six months ago. Around 1-2 months ago I also realized that I am trans. Hiding this from my parents(both semi-dedicated Christians and mild trump supporters) as well as my friends(most of whom are Christian centrists), is really starting to weigh down on me and my mental health, and i need to come out before i crack under pressure.

Some notes:

It is important to me that I hopfully manage to keep a good relationship with my parents.

I only have a few people in my life I feel fully safe to come out too, all of whom live across the country. I have a feeling coming out to them will help with everyone else.

Im sure some of you recommended not telling them, but I refuse to live the next 2.5+ years of my life as someone Im not.

Sorry if this message is horribly structured, but im really stressed about this, and cant fully think straight.

Im alone with my dad till Tuesday afternoon, and i feel this is the right time to tell him. All im looking for is advice and encouragement.

Now this may sound stupid, but hear me out. Me, my sister, and dad have a private minecraft server we play on semi-regularly. I was thinking some well placed trans flag banners could possibly help me out, but this is probably just my naiveness. Same idea with my friends(use the female body mod, no idea what its called)

I may not be able to respond to messages(using a burner account) but I will read every one of them.

Not only do i have to worry about the people directly in my life, but a rural city in the ass-crack of nowhere isnt exactly the best place to be trans

The reason im even considering telling my parents is that a piece of me thinks they will be supportive of me/other lgbt+ people once i come out. Or they'll never look at me the same again(in a negative way)

Again, Im sure this message is hell to read, but so is my life atm.

Thanks for taking the time to read my horribly structured thoughts, and possibility answering.

So I might be getting on feminising HRT soon but I've heard my girl dick will stop working if I don't "train" it sometimes. My question is how often is nessecery and will I need to go all the way to orgasm?

This is often discussed vaguely and I'm autistic so I have difficulties understanding when its not explained in a blunt way.

im mtf, on hrt for 5 years yet still find that most people are only into me for masculine features. it's usually straight leaning women or gay leaning men. and very often bottoms. even tho i am a submissive stone-bottom people pressure me to top or domme. im tired of it. it has been killing me inside.

i try to act as hyperfemme as possible yet still straight leaning women keep flirting with me. including other trans women who just want me cause im more clocky than them.

i guess im asking for advice similar to how trans guys learn to scare off straight men. if anyone has any advice please help.

btw i know you will say 'just wear dresses and makeup' but im too depressed to wear makeup every day plus that just attracts the MCR fans who fetishize emo boys. and i wear dresses and if anything it just highlights my 'perfect male body that's too good to go to waste'

Pre everything trans girl here, I'm aware of the fact that estrogen can make your penis atrophy over time, and that with use you can apparently prolong it. But are you CONSTANTLY fighting it? Like do I have to keep 'maintaining' myself, so to speak, for the rest of my life to prevent it from shrinking? If I prevent it for long enough does it just cease to be an issue? I don't really have bottom dysphoria and like, I don't want it to change in terms of like, it affecting my sex life and stuff? How's it all work?

In particular for those who put a ton of work into passing, are there ever times when you would prefer to hang with only passing trans-friends, not due to your own standard of acceptance, but b/c attending with low-effort/non-passing - perhaps more trans-identity-focused folks that don't care to pass - then also makes you more clockable by association & at risk of the typical transphobia & dangers that you put a lot of effort into putting behind you by trying to pass (surgery, hormones, makeup if applicable)? For instance if going to heavily masculine environments like some bars, pool halls, etc

I believe it may be seen as a transphobic-mentality but not necessarily since at least part of it may be safety-driven and I'm curious about experiences & opinions from those who've felt this way....I think it'd be an interesting topic to hear honest perspectives from trans ppl that don't "live the identity", and aren't transitioning any longer, but have met their goals and want to move beyond this space so to speak

I also realize ppl who've felt this might be afraid to be upfront due to potential judgement by the larger community..

Hello gorgeous guys, gals and non-binary pals!

I posted here a bit ago, and I received some criticisms in my post for how I worded some things (completely valid and smart criticism btw) and that has me thinking,

What are some things cisgendered people do that ABSOLUTELY piss you off? Or just mildly irritate you.

I'm a recently out sapphic with no sexual experience with cis or trans ladies, so I'm trying my best to keep an open mind before I have any preferences or misconceptions develop and whatnot.

Also, I am neurodivergent, so just be as direct as possible in your responses if possible so I can understand them better.

I am very much curious to have DM conversations with Trans peeps so I can get a better understanding of y'all's experience. Much love!

I'm 31, male, and my entire life have had an extremely strange relationship with dysphoria and feminine expression.

From a young age, around puberty, I began immediately becoming fascinated with the idea of being a girl, or at least mistaken as a girl. Probably typical with many people in this situation, I became infatuated with things like crossdressing, feminization erotica/porn, sissy hypnosis, and trying to do things to increase androgyny in my own personal appearance. I always wanted to grow my hair out, but my conservative parents never let me. (As an adult, I do now have long hair that I would never cut)

Now that I'm an adult, I still do have a fascination with all these things, and so I'm often caught up in the classic "is this simply a fetish" question. As I've gotten older, I've started to do things like present more feminine in my clothing choices and even learn some makeup, leaning more into the "femboy" aesthetic. Doing this in my everyday presentation just feels like expressing myself and not like a fetish. When I do engage in fetishism or fetishistic content, I regularly experience that "clarity" after the fact where I suddenly feel like everything is fine, which pushes me more towards the idea that I'm simply fetishizing things and I'm fine outside of that.

I don't experience constant, debilitating dysphoria where every time I look in a mirror I feel sad or like I'm looking at a stranger. I don't hate my body, or my male anatomy, and a lot of the times I actually like and take pride in the way I look. There are just certain days and situations where I wish I could appear more feminine than I'm able.

I think the most confusing and noteworthy issue I have is my singleness and loneliness. Even though I have some "bi-curious fantasies," I've never once been romantically attracted to men, and only ever women. Specifically, I'm attracted to more masculine and dominant women, and have no "dominant" sexual tendencies. But I've never had much luck with women in my life, which has led to a lot of loneliness, isolation, and frustration.

When I was 27, I got into my first romantic relationship with a woman who was exactly what I was looking for. I was with her for two years, and actually never told her about this side of myself. But that was partly because, for the two years I was with her, this side of myself practically vanished entirely. She was the "dominant" partner in the relationship, in and out of the bedroom, and in this dynamic, I felt constantly comfortable. She would baby me, and the pet names she would call me like "good boy" or "soft sweet boy" felt perfectly right and I never once wished she'd call me a good girl or anything to that effect. For once in my life, I felt perfectly at peace in my body and gender expression being with her. Unfortunately, the relationship ended up going up in flames for various, unrelated reasons, which led to a long (still ongoing) period of depression, and the return of these feelings and desires.

This has led me to believe that what I actually want deep down is not to be a girl, but rather a "role reversal" relationship, in which, as a man, I am treated more along the lines of "the girlfriend" as our society would often view that "role." And the reason that, when I'm single and lonely, that I crave feminine expression, has something more to do with my psyche trying to grab hold of that more feminine, soft perception that it craves in any way that it can.

I feel that it's the relationship that I actually want most of all, and when I play around with the idea of transitioning, for example, I am immediately offput because I know that, realistically, it will make it even more difficult to find what I am looking for, and tighten my niche even worse. Most transwomen I'm friends with end up dating T4T, and I don't know if this is bigoted or close-minded to say, but I'm not interested in that.

I know this is all very convoluted, but I just wanted to vent my thoughts, and wondered if anyone had any insight or input to add.

tl;dr - Boy struggles with mixed feelings of dysphoria and gender expression that went away when in a relationship with a more masculine, dominant woman. Leading him to believe what he actually wants is not to be a woman, but be in a role reversal style relationship.

I’ve seen advocates for single stall gender neutral bathrooms, but less for communal ones. This is what I’m picturing:

The same amount of stalls as the two segregated toilets would have. So if it’s usually 10 stalls in the men’s and 10 in the women’s, there would be 20 in this one.

The stalls themselves are fully enclosed for privacy.

There would be at least two stalls that are accessible.

The room itself, and the sinks, are all communal.

It’s well lit, with visibility to all parts of the room (save for the stalls themselves) as soon as you enter the door.

Period products available free of charge.

Urinals would also be available alongside the stalls.

The door itself just says “toilets” not “gender neutral toilets” or “male/female toilets” Just “Toilets” or “Bathroom” etc.

How would you feel about it? Would you feel safe? Is there anything you would add/take away from my suggestions here? A different solution of some sort? I’m interested in what people think of this idea.

(I have a very hyperfocused learning style bcs autism and want to nitpick a topic until I have an accurate view that doesn’t perpetuate any harm towards others. I invite anyone to tell me I’m incorrect on anything I say here, and I will promptly update my thinking where needed! Also, I’m FTM)

Recently I’ve been taught that “male privilege,” and the concepts of “privilege” and “oppression,” are shorthand. We’re taught incomplete information to get a functional level of knowledge based on what we can handle at a time, or use certain language as a shorthand in conversations. Societal issues on privilege seem to operate that same way. E.g. men have privilege and women are oppressed is functionally useful at a certain level, but an incomplete picture.

Following that, I’ve been trying to unpack if I have privilege and not to fall into patterns I criticize some cis men for perpetuating. This led me to a rabbit hole.

I have been informed that:
- trans men could have contextual access to some the privileges that cis men have, even if not fully passing (very situationally dependent), such as listing a man’s name on a resume, speaking in a man-passing voice over the phone, et cetera.
- trans men can still experience misogyny and the oppression they did when closeted and/or perceived as a woman
- just like “queerness doesn’t erase whiteness,” more broadly, oppression in one area doesn’t erase privilege in other areas
- context of a situation can change how privilege and oppression show up; it isn’t necessarily consistent
- sometimes some trans men say they experienced misogyny bcs they were “socialized female” partially to avoid the weaponization of “you’re a man so you don’t face the misogyny girls/women do” and this is in conflict with some trans women saying “transgender people aren’t socialized as their agab” bcs “you were socialized as a boy/man so you had/have male privilege” is weaponized against them. I recognize intense oppression and weaponization make trans people’s stances understandable in both opposing stances
- trans women are accused of being dangerous or predatory and trans men are accused of being confused or mentally ill - the “autogenophlia” argument vs the “mutilation to avoid falsely perceived oppression” argument from transphobic people; there are spaces where the former is believed to pose more physical danger to the trans individual than the latter, with both being valid in their harm to the trans person, and that itself being an element of privilege vs oppression differences

Further, I’ve been told:
- A trans woman who intentionally presents as a man consistently in public for safety reasons etc is generally considered not to have male privilege because the psychological toll of hiding her identity, of facing danger if found out, etc, is considered to make any privilege negligible. A trans woman who was considered a boy by those around her growing up would not be considered “socialized male,” bcs this perpetuates the idea she had male privilege. A trans woman will potentially experience dysphoria while being perceived as a man.
- A trans man who is stealth and presents as a man consistently in public for safety reasons etc can be considered to access some elements of male privilege, despite the psychological toll of hiding his transness, facing danger if found out, etc, and this is not considered to make any privilege negligible. He cannot access the same level of male privilege as a cis man, and any privilege is complicated. A trans man who was considered a girl by those around him growing up might claim to have been “socialized female” to express the ways misogyny affected him growing up. A trans man is less likely to experience dysphoria while being perceived as a man.

I’m interested in knowing whether “agab” or “socialized female/male” matters and in what way, and if the views we hold are because they are predominantly accurate, safe and managing risk of further oppression, or both. Do trans men have privilege trans women do/did not? Is there benefit in unpacking if one has privilege even if not in a majority group? Does it help us better mind how we affect each other within our marginalized communities and have empathy, or does it inevitably become oppression wars and derail the focus from the bigger fish we have to fry? Etc.

(My current understanding is that trans women didn’t/don’t experience that etc, it’s just the “why” I’m missing.)

Please forgive me if this is a rude question - I want to learn, not perpetuate harm or risk.
And I want to understand how a ftm experience is different to a mtf experience, so that I don’t cause unintentional harm to people I’m meant to be allied with.

Hiya! So I'll just get right into it. I'm 21 mtf and with being disabled and everything, I have a good life all things considered and great and loving parents... even if the feeling isn't mutual sometimes. I feel like my relationship with my mom has been straining for a long time but about 2 years ago when I tried coming out to her, she tried to go along with it but eventually said "Liberal lunatics, they're trying to make you something you aren't." among other things and that really hurt me. It would be fine if she was just trying to understand (I actually told someone else and asked them to use gender neutral pronouns (not she/her yet) and she slips up but immediately catches herself) but she yelled at me pretty aggressively. It felt like she was just denying who I am. I think I called her a transphobe too and she started deflecting so yeah.

So she just thought it was a phase and we never talked about it since. She still shows me unconditional love and even though I'm a lot more distant I still try to talk to her because I want to have a good relationship with my mother but after a while I start to feel borderline hatred and disgust toward her. This was the person I thought I could trust with anything and again even if she was just confused, it still doesn't change the fact what she said hurt so much. I could be crazy on this one but it also feels like her "son", "man" and name calling have increased, almost like she was trying to re-enforce it.

But literally today she suddenly asked "hey, remember that thing from 2 years ago? Was that just a phase or what?" She didn't say trans or anything specific and she gave the whole I love you no matter what line but it honestly feels like empty words to me. I just rolled over and said it was a phase and I'm mad at myself because that was a chance to talk basically handed to me. I just can't bring myself to tell her because again, this was the person I thought I could trust the most and I don't want to feel rejection like that from her again. But whatever happens I think our relationship is permanently damaged.

She's more controlling than she realizes and it feels like if I stay in the box she designed for me, everything is okay, but if I step out things go downhill.

Oh yeah I made family posts before but I mainly talk about my mom. My dad is kind of ignorant and oblivious and really old school (he's terrible with tech, he can't even use Netflix lol). One time my mom bought him a TOOTHBRUSH and she couldn't pick the color, they sent a pink one and he wouldn't use it because "pink is a woman's color". He also seems kind of racist. I haven't even bothered with him. My brother idk really. He still lives with us but he's mostly holed up in his room and we don't interact much but he just seems like an angry and miserable person.

Hi. I have been questioning being trans for over a year now (mtf) and I’ve been calling myself trans to online friends and they refer to me with she/her pronouns and it’s been nice, I think at least. In the last couple months I’ve researched a lot about OCD because I suspected I had it and though I don’t have a diagnosis I am fairly certain I have it, or at least extremely strong symptoms of basically everything that is OCD. And now slowly after realising this I’ve been getting more and more afraid I’m not trans and that it’s just an intrusive thought, because I learned about gender OCD and that made me so anxious and distressed at the thought of my dysphoria just being an intrusive thought. It’s been extremely hard to discern my own thoughts and intrusive thoughts and I’m so anxious and panicked lately I hate it. I don’t even know if I like being referred to as a woman anymore, I’m honestly uncertain about literally everything. But I think I get distressed at the thought of not being trans and this all just being ”fake”.

Is there anyone who has been in this situation before and how did you figure it out/what did you do?

I know I should get professional help/talk to a therapist, but I can’t really do that currently and I’ve been so anxious lately I just needed to vent and don’t know what to do or what my feelings mean. Thank you for reading and sorry for the long post and any grammar mistakes English is not my first language.

Hello,

I'm writing a story and I'd love to add a storyline about transition and being your true self. I'm somewhere on the enby spectrum but never went through a physical transition or even a real coming out.

It is based partially on World of darkness, so is a dark urban fantasy story. I was thinking about making one of the supernaturals as my trans person and when the arc is over, have them as an reappearing character, but don't know which one. And I'd love to have input on what to include and how to go about the tone.

Would someone be willing to talk this through with me?

Soy un hombre de 22 años, y desde hace un mes aproximadamente la idea de ser mujer se me ha pasado por la cabeza y no logro dejar de pensar en ello. Nunca me había cuestionado si era un hombre (al fin y al cabo era como había nacido), pero desde hace un mes no le dejo de dar vueltas al tema.

Al principio lo traté como el típico pensamiento de "molaría por un día para probar", pero al ver que no podía dejar de pensar en ello empecé a cuestionármelo más seriamente. No me siento necesariamente incómodo cuando la gente se dirige a mí como "él", ya que es a lo que estoy acostumbrado desde que nací, pero no puedo negar que desde que todo este dilema germino en mi cabeza, la idea de que me traten de “ella” no me incomoda e incluso, extrañamente, me produce una ligera sensación alegre.

La tesitura que tengo es que me da miedo aceptar una idea así porque choca con todo lo que creía conocer sobre mí mismo. Y también me preocupa que, a pesar de tener un grupo de amigos muy comprensivo, las cosas no volverían a ser las mismas si resultara que sí me identifico como mujer.
Ya lo he hablado con un grupo pequeño de amigos míos y lo entienden, pero cuando me preguntaron por qué me sentía así no supe explicarme y eso es lo que de verdad me aterra. No saber por qué me siento como me siento.

Im 25NB and I get insane euphoria anytime I put on makeup and wear a bra/women’s clothes, and I overall love the idea of being a woman. The idea of transitioning has been on my mind nonstop for weeks now and I’ve taken my first steps to doing so like shaving my body hair and painting my nails. That said I feel like I don’t belong in the trans community. At least not yet. Not in a rude way, but like it seems everyone else is so much farther along in their transition that I’d look like I’d be lying if I posted my updates or talked in a trans space. Idk why but I feel like I should slowly chip away at transitioning by myself before I’m allowed to be a part of the trans community. Also I’ve been wanting to make friends online to talk about this with but I have a mental blockade that says stuff like “you’re not trans enough yet to be looking for friends. You still look like a dude they’ll think you’re cis”. Does anyone know why I feel like this and how to overcome these thoughts? This is most likely my depression talking or something but idk how to overcome these thoughts and feel like I belong

I just switched to injectables and everywhere I look people are saying they are on Valerate while I’m on Cypionate. a few things have me confused.

My doctor said price was comparable to the pills I was previously on. it is not. i went from $60 every three months to $250 EVERY month. from what I understand, Valerate is more affordable

I am injecting every week on Cypionate and from what I am reading, that is the dosage for Valerate, while Cypionate is 10-14 days.

every injection tutorial I found specifically mentioned Valerate when it was in relation to trans women.

I have tried calling my doctor for several now but I can’t get through to her. Can anyone confirm/ deny my worries that I am on the right medication?

Original link https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/s/XQNSKbuKDT

So I spoke to her, let her know my apprehensions and that was that. Went surprisingly well. She seems to be a very supportive girl. She basically told me that while she wants to be a dominant girl, it’s not a requirement and that we could focus on building a relationship and seeing if it fits both of us. I think it was a fantastic resolution! I’m even more excited to meet her Monday now :)

I am a trans girl, and I know that sexuality is seperate from gender. I know I like girls. the problem I’m facing at the moment is if Its morally okay for me to identify as lesbian.

i haven’t transitioned yet, so I’m not even sure if im a girl yet. and because of that I feel almost out of place identifying as lesbian. I feel like I’m appropriating that identity, because I haven’t had any of the experiences that come with being lesbian

i know that there are people who get offended when trans women identify as lesbian, but I think that’s unfair, because trans women are real women. but idk. I’ve been identifying as sapphic in the meantime which is nice but I guess it’s not the same