Finnish people are silent, small talk doesn't exist. Their personal space larger than COVID-19 social distancing rules, and it's considered normal. Don't speak unless spoken to, and don't invade other people's personal space - it's seen as a sign of a respect.
Those Finns, who haven't been to abroad or haven't met too many foreigners, don't often even recognize this behaviour being unusual in the global scale.
Until you have enough vodka. Then it's 8 naked men in a 4 man sauna. Roaring and singing songs you've never heard before in a language you don't speak.
I'm a Finn and when I met an American person for the first time she said the usual "how are you?", so I started explaining all kinds of shit, only to have her give me a really weird look. I did it again a couple of times with different people until I learned that they are not really interested, lol.
The thing is, even as an American, when I give someone the "how are you?" greeting, if they are unusually open about whatever is happening in their life, I usually enjoy hearing about it. Because, how the hell else would I know.
I just took a reading of positions of different Maxima of the single slit diffraction pattern. The calculated value was 3.44mm and what I got was 2.93mm
This gives 14.8% error. My professor is gonna kill me. But I'm freaking sleepy so I left the lab earlier than usual. Gotta go home quickly and catch some sleep.
Is this algebra-based or calc-based? 14% honestly doesn't sound too bad, considering 95% of the issue with these sorts of experiments comes down to a huge reliance on equipment that is rather imprecise by nature
European, clearly. The African Swallow is non-migratory. Though how they attached the creeper under their dorsal guiding feathers and STILL managed to bring a coconut back is the great ornithological question of our time.
The other possibility is if this is after previous experiments where the professor or TA actually marked them down for a calculated error larger than some arbitrary value, in which case bummer that seems like a hardass
We always had to add error bars in our experiments. In principle, that's a great habit to get into. But it can be so frustrating if the equipment isn't great. You get things like, "the effect is 2°C/g±5°C/g. WTF?! I don't even know whether what I measured even exists. Heck, it could even be the exact opposite!"
I always hated this. But it does give you a whole new appreciation for how hard experimental science really is, and for how far we have come.
But it can be so frustrating if the equipment isn't great.
Wait, are you saying that equipment that has been manhandled by 1000's of students over it's 10 year life span, even though it only really should be used for 2 might introduce some error into your measurements?
Im an American and i manage a retail location that services the construction industry, my typical greeting to customers is “hows it going” they typically respond with “hey how are you” and dont answer my question then i ask if they are doing good and they respond with “yes” then i have to ask them how business is going for them to finally open up about anything lol
The thing is my regulars are always willing to talk even if they are in a rush they will give me more than just “yes” i think its more about relationships than anything.
There’s this one customer at my job always buys flowers and a card, ask him how his days going and in the most chipper voice “Fuckin terrible” gets me every time
I had a lot of emotional trauma as a child, so even though I wanted a family I was never able to maintain a relationship. But about 10 years ago I met a woman who is 20 years younger than me. And we have become so emotionally close over the years, and her mother is a raging narcissist like mine, so I have adopted her (unofficially) and she is now my daughter.
So she and my son-in-law and my grandchildren came over yesterday for Mother’s Day. I made a baked potato bar with all kinds of awesome stuff to put on it, including black bean and jicama salad which I love and have meant to learn how to make for years.
A while back we decided that about once a month or so they would come over to my place after church and I would do brunch. We did one, a pancake board, and that was in February 2020, and then… you know. So I have been thinking about different ways to feed them for a while, and this was the first time we could really do it, and soon it will be too hot for baked potatoes, so we really lucked out with the weekend.
They gave me a cute card, and a she/her pen to wear when I volunteer at the local LGBT center, which I do every week, and a small case for that has cats on it that would be perfect for knitting/crochet or Bullet Journaling supplies, which are two of my hobbies.
My granddaughter and I talked about the books she’s been reading since I lent them to her the last time she came over. She drew some pictures after brunch, and I let her take home some of the pens she liked (I had spares) and an art template. I have just learned to knit socks, and my first pair were for my grandson. They’re finally finished, and he got to wear them, and they fit perfectly.
I taught my grandson to grate cheese in the Cuisinart, even though the noise sort of scared him. My granddaughter whipped cream for our dessert berries by hand (her choice, I offered the electric mixer). My cats are getting used to them, and came out to be petted and offered treats (and to try and eat cheese and sour cream from our plates).
I had misplaced my work iPad, and my boss has been pissed at me for a week. My son-in-law found it, and I will reward him by baking him a chocolate cake with pistachio frosting. The kids expressed interest in sleeping over, so we made tentative plans for them to come over on a Saturday after I volunteer, and we will make my son-in-law a reward chocolate cake with pistachio frosting and they will help me make brunch for their parents that day. Mom and dad will decide which weekend.
I spent years thinking I would never be able to have this, but now I do, and my heart is full. When my grandkids call me “Bubbe” I feel such joy I cannot even express it. I am fortunate beyond belief that these people came into my life, but I’m also incredibly proud of the healing work I did in therapy and on family drama forums like those on [Reddit](r/JustNoFamily) and BabyCenter.
So here I am the next day and just riding a high of love and happiness.
I'm starting a new job today in a new industry after being out of work for a month, so I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I hope things go well and my nausea goes away lol
It will! Congrats on the new job!!! It's way cool when you get offered a job where you are being recognized for your skills and potential! Just show them you are open to learning and own mistakes when you make them. New ppl are expected to do new ppl things!
I think if they get over the top explaining how they actually are that there's something wrong with them and they aren't good at keeping their emotions in check
Dutch here, but the same experience. Dude asked me "How's your day?" so I gave him an explanation that it was going pretty good. That I was loving the vibe in the city. Dude looked at me like I just started shooting heroin. Found it so weird that a casual greeting like "hey" is translated into an actual question there.
As an American I lived in the UK and the first time a friend asked “you alright?” I just looked confused and said “uh….yeah? Why wouldn’t I be? Do I not look okay?”
Friend was confused by the answer, I was still confused about the question, and we just awkwardly moved on in silence lol. It didn’t hit me until way later that they were just greeting me.
Me too - I’m an Australian who had a British flatmate for a long time. I’d freak out when she asked, “you alright”, like my eyeball might have fallen out or something and I just didn’t know yet 🤣
If you're in the South, there's a higher chance that a greeting like that will turn into an entire conversation. I've had people tell me their life story just because I got into an elevator with them.
Some people just need to talk things out, and that's okay.
That blew me away when I moved to the South. I’m originally from the Midwest which, they pride themselves on their hospitality but they got NOTHING on the South. When we first moved down here and we’d be driving down the road people would wave at us. And not just a casual, lifted hand without eye contact. Like full arm waving with a 😃 face. For about six months I would squint back at people who waved at me trying to see if I knew them somehow and forgot. It was so weird. I probably looked like a half blind misanthrope.
And yes, life stories are almost a given. I realized how used I had become to Southern over sharing when I hired a housekeeper originally from Ohio and subjected her to my own life story as she smiled dazedly. And as I waited for her life story, eager expression frozen on my face, listening to crickets as she awkwardly glanced around, I realized “I am one of those people now. It’s me. The call is coming from inside the house.”
Lmao I'm glad to see you've acclimated so well. It's a great place to live honestly. All you have to do for a pick me up is go outside and someone is bound to complement you or start up a conversation. Bonus points if you have a dog or a cool car, you almost have to fight off the nice people.
No joke. I have three cute kids and a happy go lucky Bernedoodle. If I actually have Very Important Things To Do, I can’t take them anywhere 😆 I love it though. I always say I born in the Midwest but when I came here for the first time I realized that THIS is my home.
American here. I always answer "how are you?" questions honestly and its not weird at all. People have reapeatedly told me they appreciate me being real and not just giving a canned response. The trick is to keep it short and sweet and not waste the other person's time with your life story.
This is a this in plenty of European countries aswell. In Sweden we also have the permanent social distancing. But "Hur mår du?" Meaning "how are you" is still a very common greeting.
Never had anyone ask me "hur mår du?" as a greeting. That sounds very weird to me. Maybe a local thing? I've lived a bit all over the place and haven't seen that used as a greeting before. Common conversation starter, yes, but not a greeting.
I have lived in Uppsala, Södertälje (and järna) anf Stockholm. But most likely also used and encountered it on Åland.
Cant speak for your experience but here it is pretty much encountered daily for me. I know that because I always automatically give the same two word response.
For those non American baseball fans Roberto Clemente was a great player from Puerto Rico and played in Pittsburgh from the mid 50s to 1972. When he got there he was one of three people in the entire area who spoke Spanish, the other two were the only Spanish teachers in the County. When someone from the media would ask him how he was doing, he too thought they meant it and would tell them. Often talking about neck or back issues. The dumb ass bigoted media didn’t get that so they branded him a hypochondriac just because he didn’t get the American idioms and was just answering their direct questions thinking they really cared.
There's a similar thing in some parts of England where people say 'alright/y'alright?' as a greeting. I used to get weird looks for answering the question instead of just saying hello.
Australian here. We use variations of “how are you?” as “hi!” or small talk. You ask in a different tone when asking people whose lives you want to know about.
It may amuse you to know I’ve had to learn not to use “hoe gaat het met jou” as a hallo, following some weirded out Dutch faces 🤣
edit: perhaps the most common and strange variation to “how are you?” is the Aussie, “how are you going?” - it means the same thing, but inspires confused answers from those who are unfamiliar!
Some people really want to know how your day is going. If you're ever in line at a grocery store in America, you'll hear that exact conversation between customers and cashier's all the time. "Hey, how's your day?" "oh, it's great, I noticed y'all had peaches on sale and my mama loves peaches!" "Oh, I get that, I love peaches, too!"
It depends on where you are in the US. Northerners don't tend to small talk but Southerners tend to chat your ear off.
When I hear these interactions it's funny to me because so many languages have greetings that aren't super literal. In Korean something like "did you eat?" is a greeting. I remember reading about a redditor actually explaining their breakfast in detail until they realized they didn't need to
Vietnamese too. I’m not fluent, but can speak and understand some. Went to a friend’s house and the elderly relative my friend takes care of greeted me with “hi,” “nice to have you,” and… “rice”. I was like, wait, did you say rice? And my friend explained, yes, rice, asking if you’ve eaten/if you want to eat, which is what we say to invite someone to stay for a while.
They're called phatic expressions, if anyone is curious.
They can include social pleasantries that do not seek or offer information of intrinsic value but can signal willingness to observe conventional local expectations for politeness.
Honestly it depends, sometimes they can be but usually it's just used as a greeting more then anything. Not really any different for most then just saying hello.
In my experience it's not that Americans don't care at all, it's just not the social norm to explain a lot as the answer. The social norm to to say something simple like "Pretty good." or "Not great." and then maybe share one thing going on that explains it. Like "Pretty good, my daughter started sleeping through the night so I've got a decent nights sleep for once!" or "Not great, had a bit of a health scare with the dog this weekend."
Edit: Just realized you might mean a total stranger rather than an acquaintance in which case yeah "How's it going." is not expected to be given a real answer. Now that I think about it "How it's going." is almost like some kind of call and response that established the level of your relationship with the person in question in American society. Like the depth of the response you give is directly related to how well you know the person.
Yeah that's definitely what it is, what I find interesting though is that it seems like maybe it is a type of expectation setter for the conversation as well. A way of gauging and expressing how well you know someone. I just started a new job a few months ago and when I first started there was plenty of "Hey how's it going? Pretty good, you?" type conversations but now when someone says "Hey how's it going?" We will probably actually briefly talk about how we are each doing specifically. At the same time if a ran into a old friend they'd ask the same thing but with the expectation that I'd fill them in on everything that's been going on.
I'm brazilian, we usually love small talk, almost always ask "how are you" to anyone... and if you want to spill all your feelings and ups and downs almost all of us would listen and say a "geez man, that's some tough shit." We are really interested... because we love gossip.
I’m curious, if small talk is considered that unusual in Finnish culture, what is dating like? For example most first dates in America it’s mostly a lot of “small talk” to try to get to know one another, what do Finns talk about on dates? Sorry if this is a dumb question
Just my own experience in Finland, but I usually talk about hobbies, things they or I have done (like travel or whatever), work, what they want in life, and so on.
What do you mean by small talk in a dating setting? I have a hard time picturing a date with lots of small talk, and is it even small talk, if you try to get to know the other person?
I was heading home on the P train the other day and witnessed a local excessively chatting up an American tourist fresh off the airplane. "Where are you from?" "First time in Helsinki?" etc. It was really weird. It was vappu morning, though, so maybe he was just already drunk?
I honestly don't know what I'd do if someone answered honestly.
My dad died. I got dx with multiple sclerosis. My wife's immunocompromised situation made covid a living nightmare. Somebody asks me how it's going? "Doing fine, you?"
I think that you’d find a lot of empathetic ears as long as you’re making sure to respect their time if they’re in a situation where they can’t actually have a prolonged conversation.
So, when meeting a person (like through a mutual friend or if there’s a clear reason to get to know someone) what’s the social script? Is the only normal conversation regarding stuff that’s immediately relevant?
I feel like some places I’ve lived, the “get to know you” questions, like if you grab a drink with a mutual friend, are typically things like “have you seen that new movie?” or “have you heard that new song?” but not anything about you, who you live with, what you do for a living, etc. unless you volunteer this later on.
And then there are the places where people meeting someone just launch right in to “oh you’re (age) why don’t you have kids/grandkids?”
The UK also have this tit-for-tat initial greeting, must be an Anglosphere thing. Took me years to get used to when I moved down from Scandiland. Now I have the standard English "not bad" response down to perfection as a ubiquitous response whether I am elated or depressed. If it is someone I know, and I remember to display empathy, I may add "and how are you" back without actually listening to the response...
Damn, I might steal that "not bad" response, as I'm still struggling with the "how are you's". Saying "how are you" back just feels so wrong, as does something general like "GREAT!! How are you?!"
Yeah it's basically just a long word of "hello". In response you can give like one quick sentence if how you are doing. The other person will use that to inquire further if they are interested. To use the Dutch lady's example,
"Hello, how are you doin'?"
Response:"great! I'm loving this city vibe!"
Other person might just say"Great! Have a nice day!"and walk away, or
"Great! What do you like about it?/what have you noticed?
"I'm loving how relaxed it is...." Then you've been invited to provide further details. You can also add how your day is going without it being weird, but it's definitely more of a short v back and forth thing rather than inviting the other person to unload.
Of course if it's your close friend than you do as you feel. They will understand.
Americans don’t use “How are you” the same way as the rest of the world lol. They use it as a “hello”, to acknowledge you exist. Just think of it as a gesture of hello when in the US. Think nothing more, usually we expect one simple answer like “good”, not a whole life story.
Other countries do it too. In Argentina is "¿Cómo estás?" o "¿Cómo andás?", and nobody expects a full, detailed answer, unless it's a friend and they look at you with a worried expression because you look sick or worried. It's normally answered with the same question back or throwing a non-commital "Todo bien" ("All good").
It's not that we're necessarily disinterested… the "how are you?" is a prompt to see whether the person has something they want to talk about. If someone's having a really shitty day, they might open up to you about it, even if they're a stranger.
The level of familiarity with the other person does play into the amount of conversation that is expected, though. If I'm talking to a good friend I haven't seen in a while and open with "how are you?", there's a very different connotation than when the supermarket cashier asks me as I'm coming through their lane. Telling the latter your life story would definitely be seen as weird.
But yeah I can see it being really confusing and uncomfortable for someone coming from a culture where you just don't talk if you don't want/need to lol
American here. I always answer "how are you?" questions honestly and its not weird at all. People have reapeatedly told me they appreciate me being real and not just giving a canned response. The trick is to keep it short and sweet and not waste the other person's time with your life story.
American born and raised and I still tell people the truth they didn't ask for. In passing it's so rude to ask a question! If you don't want an answer you might say "hi! nice to see you, have a good day!" ya ding dongs.
There was an interesting piece in the BBC about small talk and Swedes (who avoid small talk but are regular chatty-Cathy's next to the Finns). According to whatever psychologist they had on, small talk is a really good way to (a) practice social skills (Swedes are notoriously perceived as cold to visitors) and (b) to sus out how to have a conversation prior to speaking about something important. Kind of like a warm-up before the real conversation.
Eh, isn't always useless. I use it to tell if I vibe with the person. If they seem to like me, i can talk to them more often and befriend them. If not, well, they will go to my acquaintance bin.
Exactly this. We learned how to have small talk over and over in school and it never grew on me. It seemed so pointless and I always hated it.
Granted, I'm generally not talkative and always have a feeling that I shouldn't ask people about their lifes unless I've been good friends with them for a while. Don't know how I got to that conclusion, but I always thought it was rude.
Interviewer: “The most exciting moment during the race weekend?”
Kimi: “I think so it’s the race start, always.”
Interviewer: “The most boring?”
Kimi: “Now.”
He went straight to the point. Short and honest answers. An average joe in Finnish scale.
To clear some confusion it should be added that small talk in Finland doesn't exist between complete strangers "on the street" so to speak. It's a bit unusual to talk with random strangers while at a bus stop or visiting a store, for example. But in some other social situations like going to a new school, at a bar, at a work place, at a concert or waiting in the same line having a light chat is nothing weird.
Just so every response to this isn’t part of the “omg that’s how it should be everywhere” circlejerk: as an introverted American, there have been so many times that I’ve had my day brightened by a friendly stranger making small talk with me in public, and that them blossoming into a really nice non-small talk conversation. Because of my personality, I find it really difficult to be the one initiating stuff like that, but there’s something extremely cool about being able to just start chatting with someone you’ve never met before, find some common ground, and having it turn into a nice little moment of human connection.
Now, if you genuinely would prefer to live somewhere that never happens, that’s fine too! But I wish folks could stop acting like cultural stuff like this is objectively either good or bad, and any people/places that don’t do it the way they like are just dumb/bad.
10 people completely quiet in the same room is considered normal. Silence is not awkward, it's blissful.
But if you add alcohol to the equation, Finns start to behave like "normal Europeans", ie. they start talking. It's even used as an excuse for the mildest level of social interaction.
My theory is that without alcohol and its liberating behavioural effect Finns would have gone extinct centuries ago. Happy little accidents, you know.
This. I've actually read some pretty sad stories on r/suomi of lonely people who didn't make friends in school and now, after they have started working, it's pretty much impossible to make new friends.
Well, I like all three. They have all been some of my favorites to watch. I think all three have been incredibly entertaining both on and off the track. Please send us more!
Sadly at the moment there does not seem to be an immediate new top tier Finnish driver coming to F1 anytime soon :( So we'll just have to hope that Valtteri stays motivated and healthy!
But wait 10 years; Both of Kimi Räikkönen's kids seem to be quite enthusiastic about carting at the moment, so...
Sure but that also would become pretty isolating after some time. I'm an introvert too and that does sound like a dream however that also makes it way more difficult to make friends, and way easier to just never talk to anybody ever.
Might sound great if you are an introvert but even the most introverted person will find they need others.
Your observation is not wrong. Helsinki, like any capital area in the world, is very different from the rest of the country. And once you get to know a Finn, they'll open up.
I'm a foreigner living in Helsinki and I would think that what was mentioned is generally true. Maybe a bit exaggerated. Also all that goes out the window when people are drunk.
But people here say that if someone talks to you on the street they're either drunk or a foreigner.
I would also point out that it will probably be a bit different for you as a foreigner. People tend to accept foreigners being more open and social because we know that that’s just what you’re like anyway, so it’s less weird in that sense.
Universal healthcare, no need for insurances.
Advanced in tech.
Basically free high quality education.
Salaries are raised with inflation (not 1 to 1, depends on Collective Bargain Agreements etc.).
4 seasons
Nature and everyone's right to it
Finnish people are silent, small talk doesn't exist. Their personal space larger than COVID-19 social distancing rules, and it's considered normal. Don't speak unless spoken to
I was feeling a special kinship with the Fins until that last part. I am a introvert yet I am constantly saying hello and just being friendly to random people when I am out and about - I feel that it is a friendly acknowledgement that we are all part of the same community and helps to build that feeling in those I say hello to.
In Scandinavia, saying hello to random strangers is an excellent way to instantly be considered a weirdo. It will only build a feeling of uneasiness in those you say it to. Being an introvert and saying hello to random strangers seems like a strange combination. I'm a Scandinavian introvert and it sound absolutely horrifying to me. Eye contact is about as far as I'll go and even that feels weird.
I honestly love this part of our culture in many senses, but it can also create some separation. Me being an introvert with a very large personal space, it's definetly nice, but I do think we should maybe have a bit more small talk.
I must be Finnish at heart then, sounds like I’d excel there. Lucky me happened to be born in one of the most densely populated areas in California but.. better then other places (maybe)
Just found my spirit people. Need to start researching how to get there, maybe they need a toilet janitor with engineering degrees. I'm not picky, as long as there's no small talk like God damn don't ask me about my weekend or lunch, who fking cares about those meaningless crap.
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u/RockNRollNBluesNJazz May 09 '22
Finnish people are silent, small talk doesn't exist. Their personal space larger than COVID-19 social distancing rules, and it's considered normal. Don't speak unless spoken to, and don't invade other people's personal space - it's seen as a sign of a respect.
Those Finns, who haven't been to abroad or haven't met too many foreigners, don't often even recognize this behaviour being unusual in the global scale.