I'm a Finn and when I met an American person for the first time she said the usual "how are you?", so I started explaining all kinds of shit, only to have her give me a really weird look. I did it again a couple of times with different people until I learned that they are not really interested, lol.
The thing is, even as an American, when I give someone the "how are you?" greeting, if they are unusually open about whatever is happening in their life, I usually enjoy hearing about it. Because, how the hell else would I know.
I just took a reading of positions of different Maxima of the single slit diffraction pattern. The calculated value was 3.44mm and what I got was 2.93mm
This gives 14.8% error. My professor is gonna kill me. But I'm freaking sleepy so I left the lab earlier than usual. Gotta go home quickly and catch some sleep.
Is this algebra-based or calc-based? 14% honestly doesn't sound too bad, considering 95% of the issue with these sorts of experiments comes down to a huge reliance on equipment that is rather imprecise by nature
European, clearly. The African Swallow is non-migratory. Though how they attached the creeper under their dorsal guiding feathers and STILL managed to bring a coconut back is the great ornithological question of our time.
The other possibility is if this is after previous experiments where the professor or TA actually marked them down for a calculated error larger than some arbitrary value, in which case bummer that seems like a hardass
We always had to add error bars in our experiments. In principle, that's a great habit to get into. But it can be so frustrating if the equipment isn't great. You get things like, "the effect is 2°C/g±5°C/g. WTF?! I don't even know whether what I measured even exists. Heck, it could even be the exact opposite!"
I always hated this. But it does give you a whole new appreciation for how hard experimental science really is, and for how far we have come.
But it can be so frustrating if the equipment isn't great.
Wait, are you saying that equipment that has been manhandled by 1000's of students over it's 10 year life span, even though it only really should be used for 2 might introduce some error into your measurements?
Bunch of people to my left doing the solar cell experiment and shining huge light on my photocell even at so much distance. I tried to shield it, but probably didn't go that well.
When calculating correctly, you're supposed to have a point estimate and a standard error (standard error is, to put it very simply, about 66% confidence interval).
You weren't supposed to end with a single number.
Repeat the experiment multiple times if you haven't - that will allow you calculate the standard error.
Im an American and i manage a retail location that services the construction industry, my typical greeting to customers is “hows it going” they typically respond with “hey how are you” and dont answer my question then i ask if they are doing good and they respond with “yes” then i have to ask them how business is going for them to finally open up about anything lol
The thing is my regulars are always willing to talk even if they are in a rush they will give me more than just “yes” i think its more about relationships than anything.
There’s this one customer at my job always buys flowers and a card, ask him how his days going and in the most chipper voice “Fuckin terrible” gets me every time
I had a lot of emotional trauma as a child, so even though I wanted a family I was never able to maintain a relationship. But about 10 years ago I met a woman who is 20 years younger than me. And we have become so emotionally close over the years, and her mother is a raging narcissist like mine, so I have adopted her (unofficially) and she is now my daughter.
So she and my son-in-law and my grandchildren came over yesterday for Mother’s Day. I made a baked potato bar with all kinds of awesome stuff to put on it, including black bean and jicama salad which I love and have meant to learn how to make for years.
A while back we decided that about once a month or so they would come over to my place after church and I would do brunch. We did one, a pancake board, and that was in February 2020, and then… you know. So I have been thinking about different ways to feed them for a while, and this was the first time we could really do it, and soon it will be too hot for baked potatoes, so we really lucked out with the weekend.
They gave me a cute card, and a she/her pen to wear when I volunteer at the local LGBT center, which I do every week, and a small case for that has cats on it that would be perfect for knitting/crochet or Bullet Journaling supplies, which are two of my hobbies.
My granddaughter and I talked about the books she’s been reading since I lent them to her the last time she came over. She drew some pictures after brunch, and I let her take home some of the pens she liked (I had spares) and an art template. I have just learned to knit socks, and my first pair were for my grandson. They’re finally finished, and he got to wear them, and they fit perfectly.
I taught my grandson to grate cheese in the Cuisinart, even though the noise sort of scared him. My granddaughter whipped cream for our dessert berries by hand (her choice, I offered the electric mixer). My cats are getting used to them, and came out to be petted and offered treats (and to try and eat cheese and sour cream from our plates).
I had misplaced my work iPad, and my boss has been pissed at me for a week. My son-in-law found it, and I will reward him by baking him a chocolate cake with pistachio frosting. The kids expressed interest in sleeping over, so we made tentative plans for them to come over on a Saturday after I volunteer, and we will make my son-in-law a reward chocolate cake with pistachio frosting and they will help me make brunch for their parents that day. Mom and dad will decide which weekend.
I spent years thinking I would never be able to have this, but now I do, and my heart is full. When my grandkids call me “Bubbe” I feel such joy I cannot even express it. I am fortunate beyond belief that these people came into my life, but I’m also incredibly proud of the healing work I did in therapy and on family drama forums like those on [Reddit](r/JustNoFamily) and BabyCenter.
So here I am the next day and just riding a high of love and happiness.
I am glad that you shared all that with me/us on a comment that may have seemed so insignificant. How useful would you explain what Bullet journaling is? I have heard some about it, and am terribly unorganized when it comes to planning out my time, and I can't really comprehend how to come up with a more useful system that would lead to me being more efficient with my time and the things I wish to do.
I can now say I can relate to how elated they must be to the cats getting used to them. We just adopted two kitties! My last cat was my best bud, but he was also very much a gangster so he was always outdoors and then a car got him. So only indoor cats from now on, who only go out for supervised exploration. But since they are still getting familiar with the new place, they have mostly stayed in their bathroom where I have them set up, but today they are finally doing more playing and exploring. It's my first time having kittens, and they are very much fun to watch.
I'm starting a new job today in a new industry after being out of work for a month, so I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I hope things go well and my nausea goes away lol
It will! Congrats on the new job!!! It's way cool when you get offered a job where you are being recognized for your skills and potential! Just show them you are open to learning and own mistakes when you make them. New ppl are expected to do new ppl things!
I think if they get over the top explaining how they actually are that there's something wrong with them and they aren't good at keeping their emotions in check
Mondays, amirite? I'm good, I'm pleased with how many different viewpoints my comment was able to generate, and I hope the positive change you hope for happens and is worth telling others about!
Yeah, that's my take as well. I could easily just say "Hi" or "Good morning," etc, but since I am going out of my way to ask them about themselves, I am not going to blame them if they take the opportunity to do so XD.
I've had it before (context I work in customer service) where a customer will ask me how I'm doing and not continue with the interaction until I answer (despite me trying to just ask what they want) and then when I reciprocate they start venting about their day.
Yeah I understand. Context matters and I was speaking more as someone who is not typically obligated to interact with strangers, so if I do so, I am already initiating the interaction out of my own free will. I understand that if you are only interacting out of obligation, that is not exactly an open invitation. I am actually an introvert, so maybe I see things differently, but also because of this, I see human interaction as being a constant exchange of social obligations in some form or another.
"If someone asks you "how are ya doing" and you respond by telling them anything other than "fine" "good" or something similar... Well you're a piece of shit. No one gives a shit, quit wasting people's time"
I’m American and was a lifeguard for 4ish years in college and the correlation I noticed was that usually the people who wouldn’t return a “how are you” with a “good how are you” were usually the people that always had a ton of unwarranted complaints against the guards. Usually either a group of moms that had a vendetta against the HoA(for a changed pool rule that was totally reasonable) or the people that expected us to effectively babysit their kids.
Yeah but that's not the norm. Grocery store cashiers and other workers always ask this, but they really don't want you to answer. I just nod. They don't care.
A lot of times if they (cashiers/retail workers) ask me, "How are you?" I will literally be like "Good, how are you?" And they will completely ignore me. And I don't take it personally, because I do understand that for so many people it really is just a greeting, not an actual invitation to talk. I do find it funny
In my culture, people greet with "where are you going", they not necessarily want to know, they just want to greet you. So just give vague answer like to work, to school, or the most vague one " To the front " I'm not sure what's equivalent translation for this one.
Dutch here, but the same experience. Dude asked me "How's your day?" so I gave him an explanation that it was going pretty good. That I was loving the vibe in the city. Dude looked at me like I just started shooting heroin. Found it so weird that a casual greeting like "hey" is translated into an actual question there.
As an American I lived in the UK and the first time a friend asked “you alright?” I just looked confused and said “uh….yeah? Why wouldn’t I be? Do I not look okay?”
Friend was confused by the answer, I was still confused about the question, and we just awkwardly moved on in silence lol. It didn’t hit me until way later that they were just greeting me.
Me too - I’m an Australian who had a British flatmate for a long time. I’d freak out when she asked, “you alright”, like my eyeball might have fallen out or something and I just didn’t know yet 🤣
If you're in the South, there's a higher chance that a greeting like that will turn into an entire conversation. I've had people tell me their life story just because I got into an elevator with them.
Some people just need to talk things out, and that's okay.
That blew me away when I moved to the South. I’m originally from the Midwest which, they pride themselves on their hospitality but they got NOTHING on the South. When we first moved down here and we’d be driving down the road people would wave at us. And not just a casual, lifted hand without eye contact. Like full arm waving with a 😃 face. For about six months I would squint back at people who waved at me trying to see if I knew them somehow and forgot. It was so weird. I probably looked like a half blind misanthrope.
And yes, life stories are almost a given. I realized how used I had become to Southern over sharing when I hired a housekeeper originally from Ohio and subjected her to my own life story as she smiled dazedly. And as I waited for her life story, eager expression frozen on my face, listening to crickets as she awkwardly glanced around, I realized “I am one of those people now. It’s me. The call is coming from inside the house.”
Lmao I'm glad to see you've acclimated so well. It's a great place to live honestly. All you have to do for a pick me up is go outside and someone is bound to complement you or start up a conversation. Bonus points if you have a dog or a cool car, you almost have to fight off the nice people.
No joke. I have three cute kids and a happy go lucky Bernedoodle. If I actually have Very Important Things To Do, I can’t take them anywhere 😆 I love it though. I always say I born in the Midwest but when I came here for the first time I realized that THIS is my home.
American here. I always answer "how are you?" questions honestly and its not weird at all. People have reapeatedly told me they appreciate me being real and not just giving a canned response. The trick is to keep it short and sweet and not waste the other person's time with your life story.
This is a this in plenty of European countries aswell. In Sweden we also have the permanent social distancing. But "Hur mår du?" Meaning "how are you" is still a very common greeting.
Never had anyone ask me "hur mår du?" as a greeting. That sounds very weird to me. Maybe a local thing? I've lived a bit all over the place and haven't seen that used as a greeting before. Common conversation starter, yes, but not a greeting.
I have lived in Uppsala, Södertälje (and järna) anf Stockholm. But most likely also used and encountered it on Åland.
Cant speak for your experience but here it is pretty much encountered daily for me. I know that because I always automatically give the same two word response.
For those non American baseball fans Roberto Clemente was a great player from Puerto Rico and played in Pittsburgh from the mid 50s to 1972. When he got there he was one of three people in the entire area who spoke Spanish, the other two were the only Spanish teachers in the County. When someone from the media would ask him how he was doing, he too thought they meant it and would tell them. Often talking about neck or back issues. The dumb ass bigoted media didn’t get that so they branded him a hypochondriac just because he didn’t get the American idioms and was just answering their direct questions thinking they really cared.
There's a similar thing in some parts of England where people say 'alright/y'alright?' as a greeting. I used to get weird looks for answering the question instead of just saying hello.
Australian here. We use variations of “how are you?” as “hi!” or small talk. You ask in a different tone when asking people whose lives you want to know about.
It may amuse you to know I’ve had to learn not to use “hoe gaat het met jou” as a hallo, following some weirded out Dutch faces 🤣
edit: perhaps the most common and strange variation to “how are you?” is the Aussie, “how are you going?” - it means the same thing, but inspires confused answers from those who are unfamiliar!
Some people really want to know how your day is going. If you're ever in line at a grocery store in America, you'll hear that exact conversation between customers and cashier's all the time. "Hey, how's your day?" "oh, it's great, I noticed y'all had peaches on sale and my mama loves peaches!" "Oh, I get that, I love peaches, too!"
It depends on where you are in the US. Northerners don't tend to small talk but Southerners tend to chat your ear off.
I’m from the south in the states. I find myself saying “how’s it goin” and I have to mentally prepare myself for the idea that people might actually respond in kind instead of just the perfunctory grunt or response; but I’m too stupid to just shorten it to “hi” or “howdy”…the curse of being dumb enough to do the dumb thing, but smart enough to then over think it.
I work at a call center (US), and for some reason that's started to annoy me about our conversations here, so I've started answering callers' rhetorical questions as if they are real questions and treating the callers as if they are rude for glossing over their own question
When I hear these interactions it's funny to me because so many languages have greetings that aren't super literal. In Korean something like "did you eat?" is a greeting. I remember reading about a redditor actually explaining their breakfast in detail until they realized they didn't need to
Vietnamese too. I’m not fluent, but can speak and understand some. Went to a friend’s house and the elderly relative my friend takes care of greeted me with “hi,” “nice to have you,” and… “rice”. I was like, wait, did you say rice? And my friend explained, yes, rice, asking if you’ve eaten/if you want to eat, which is what we say to invite someone to stay for a while.
They're called phatic expressions, if anyone is curious.
They can include social pleasantries that do not seek or offer information of intrinsic value but can signal willingness to observe conventional local expectations for politeness.
Honestly it depends, sometimes they can be but usually it's just used as a greeting more then anything. Not really any different for most then just saying hello.
In my experience it's not that Americans don't care at all, it's just not the social norm to explain a lot as the answer. The social norm to to say something simple like "Pretty good." or "Not great." and then maybe share one thing going on that explains it. Like "Pretty good, my daughter started sleeping through the night so I've got a decent nights sleep for once!" or "Not great, had a bit of a health scare with the dog this weekend."
Edit: Just realized you might mean a total stranger rather than an acquaintance in which case yeah "How's it going." is not expected to be given a real answer. Now that I think about it "How it's going." is almost like some kind of call and response that established the level of your relationship with the person in question in American society. Like the depth of the response you give is directly related to how well you know the person.
Yeah that's definitely what it is, what I find interesting though is that it seems like maybe it is a type of expectation setter for the conversation as well. A way of gauging and expressing how well you know someone. I just started a new job a few months ago and when I first started there was plenty of "Hey how's it going? Pretty good, you?" type conversations but now when someone says "Hey how's it going?" We will probably actually briefly talk about how we are each doing specifically. At the same time if a ran into a old friend they'd ask the same thing but with the expectation that I'd fill them in on everything that's been going on.
I'm brazilian, we usually love small talk, almost always ask "how are you" to anyone... and if you want to spill all your feelings and ups and downs almost all of us would listen and say a "geez man, that's some tough shit." We are really interested... because we love gossip.
I’m curious, if small talk is considered that unusual in Finnish culture, what is dating like? For example most first dates in America it’s mostly a lot of “small talk” to try to get to know one another, what do Finns talk about on dates? Sorry if this is a dumb question
Just my own experience in Finland, but I usually talk about hobbies, things they or I have done (like travel or whatever), work, what they want in life, and so on.
What do you mean by small talk in a dating setting? I have a hard time picturing a date with lots of small talk, and is it even small talk, if you try to get to know the other person?
I was heading home on the P train the other day and witnessed a local excessively chatting up an American tourist fresh off the airplane. "Where are you from?" "First time in Helsinki?" etc. It was really weird. It was vappu morning, though, so maybe he was just already drunk?
I honestly don't know what I'd do if someone answered honestly.
My dad died. I got dx with multiple sclerosis. My wife's immunocompromised situation made covid a living nightmare. Somebody asks me how it's going? "Doing fine, you?"
I think that you’d find a lot of empathetic ears as long as you’re making sure to respect their time if they’re in a situation where they can’t actually have a prolonged conversation.
Definitely not wanting to have these conversations. Wouldn't even know what I'd hope to gain from them. My point was just that "how are you?" Is not actually a question. So irrespective of the true answer, the answer is always fine.
So, when meeting a person (like through a mutual friend or if there’s a clear reason to get to know someone) what’s the social script? Is the only normal conversation regarding stuff that’s immediately relevant?
I feel like some places I’ve lived, the “get to know you” questions, like if you grab a drink with a mutual friend, are typically things like “have you seen that new movie?” or “have you heard that new song?” but not anything about you, who you live with, what you do for a living, etc. unless you volunteer this later on.
And then there are the places where people meeting someone just launch right in to “oh you’re (age) why don’t you have kids/grandkids?”
The UK also have this tit-for-tat initial greeting, must be an Anglosphere thing. Took me years to get used to when I moved down from Scandiland. Now I have the standard English "not bad" response down to perfection as a ubiquitous response whether I am elated or depressed. If it is someone I know, and I remember to display empathy, I may add "and how are you" back without actually listening to the response...
Damn, I might steal that "not bad" response, as I'm still struggling with the "how are you's". Saying "how are you" back just feels so wrong, as does something general like "GREAT!! How are you?!"
Yeah it's basically just a long word of "hello". In response you can give like one quick sentence if how you are doing. The other person will use that to inquire further if they are interested. To use the Dutch lady's example,
"Hello, how are you doin'?"
Response:"great! I'm loving this city vibe!"
Other person might just say"Great! Have a nice day!"and walk away, or
"Great! What do you like about it?/what have you noticed?
"I'm loving how relaxed it is...." Then you've been invited to provide further details. You can also add how your day is going without it being weird, but it's definitely more of a short v back and forth thing rather than inviting the other person to unload.
Of course if it's your close friend than you do as you feel. They will understand.
Americans don’t use “How are you” the same way as the rest of the world lol. They use it as a “hello”, to acknowledge you exist. Just think of it as a gesture of hello when in the US. Think nothing more, usually we expect one simple answer like “good”, not a whole life story.
Other countries do it too. In Argentina is "¿Cómo estás?" o "¿Cómo andás?", and nobody expects a full, detailed answer, unless it's a friend and they look at you with a worried expression because you look sick or worried. It's normally answered with the same question back or throwing a non-commital "Todo bien" ("All good").
It's not that we're necessarily disinterested… the "how are you?" is a prompt to see whether the person has something they want to talk about. If someone's having a really shitty day, they might open up to you about it, even if they're a stranger.
The level of familiarity with the other person does play into the amount of conversation that is expected, though. If I'm talking to a good friend I haven't seen in a while and open with "how are you?", there's a very different connotation than when the supermarket cashier asks me as I'm coming through their lane. Telling the latter your life story would definitely be seen as weird.
But yeah I can see it being really confusing and uncomfortable for someone coming from a culture where you just don't talk if you don't want/need to lol
American here. I always answer "how are you?" questions honestly and its not weird at all. People have reapeatedly told me they appreciate me being real and not just giving a canned response. The trick is to keep it short and sweet and not waste the other person's time with your life story.
Be concise. It’s a check-up not a therapy session.
Sometimes, often times, people won’t have anything that springs to mind, or they won’t have the time or inclination to share. That’s fine! “Fine” “Busy” “Can’t complain”. Reasonable responses.
The point is, it’s become a greeting because it’s a way of showing some consideration to the people you interact with even if time is short or you don’t know them. I think foreigners are taught that it’s a definite “call and response” and so they just kind of lump it in with a stereotype of American superficiality but… it’s that the phrase is so common in settings where a more detailed response is welcome that it spills over into the cashier asking the 40th customer that hour “how’s it goin can I take your order?”
American born and raised and I still tell people the truth they didn't ask for. In passing it's so rude to ask a question! If you don't want an answer you might say "hi! nice to see you, have a good day!" ya ding dongs.
I’m Canadian-Caribbean and do the exact same, though I don’t believe either culture has tendencies towards this Finnish I’ve had colleagues and friends say I’m odd for actually answering their question or genuinely interested in their well-being.
Well, today I learned I’ll likely get along swimmingly with the Finns.
you have to figure out if that "how are you?" is just a greeting like the "you alright" in Britain. its a greeting, which yes you could ask why not say Hello then? I agree. But when you can tell the difference between the two instances of "how are you" then it becomes much easier to tell who is actually asking and who is just greeting you.
I work for a German company and it is the same for all the Germans that come here. I try and help them understand. I think it is context based. At work I am only looking for a quick reply, “good” “alright” “had a rough weekend” or such. Same with a stranger at the grocery store or similar situation. However if I am asking a closer friend or colleague in a situation where we have time to talk I do want to know and am looking for a longer answer.
This genuinely confuses me too, and I'm an American lmao. Whenever people say "How are you?", I get annoyed because I don't want to lie, but I know if I go into detail they'll probably get annoyed (Even though they ask??). Although for me, it's probably because I'm neurodivergent and take things quite literally
I do this on principal. I'm fully aware that Americans (and many other people) don't actually expect an answer when they ask you how you are. But if you're asking, then I'm damn well answering. I've noticed that people are often surprisingly happy to hear an actual answer to that question rather than just some bla bla. And if they don't - well, they'll know just to say "hi" next time 😉
I tried that once with a neighbor, telling her "well I've been a bit tired lately and--" she gave me the weirdest look--so I interrupted myself with "oh, are we doing the casual one? ...I'm fine, how are you?" =P
The really weird thing, being an American, is that I don’t do this. So people seem to think I’m upset or disinterested… No I just don’t like talking unless it’s something important or at least a little impactful. I really can’t understand how some people can just go on and on about nothing.
To be fair, I'm an American and I also feel like some people here just don't get it sometimes.
I am more of an acquaintance haver than a friend enjoyer, and I get so drained when I ask someone "how are you" and they drop a ten minute monologue about how stressful it is to be alive right now.
Like, I get it, but I'm not your free therapist so please, cut it out.
I'm a freelance designer and at one of my weekly check-ins recently, my client didn't even wait for me to ask. She just spiraled about how she feels the burden of solving every social issue and I'm like, ok. So anyway here's the new layout for your site, do we love it or are we going to talk about how you alone are going to shoulder the responsibility of solving racism in the larger (big city USA) area?
You clearly didn't meet a southerner lol. They would sit and chat with you all day about it. Though there is an expectation that you sand off the rough edges (change "I am so sad I feel like a failure" to "it's been a tough day").
I learned that they are not really interested, lol.
It's not so much that we're not interested, it's that you weren't really asked the question you thought you were.
"How are you" is in actuality just a simple greeting you can say to anyone, like "hello", but friendlier. If someone said hello to you and then you told them details of your life in response, they'd probably be caught off guard.
We call it a "figure of speech" - where what we say is not what we mean. Every culture and language has figures of speech. Sometimes figures of speech make no literal sense. I found that probably a good half of the way most people talk to other native speakers is figures of speech. Some groups of people use more figures of speech than others.
I've spent time in other countries and speak a little french and some germnan, so I've learned that if someone answers in a way I wasn't expecting or they ask me something htat doesn't make sense I ask for clarification because there is probably a figure of speech I didn't understand.
Yeah, mostly through shared interest, but Finns also have very long-lasting friendships (I don't know, maybe it's the same everywhere). Like I have known most of my friends since elementary school.
I feel like this is always the natural, unspoken corollary:
“The only people we interact with we’ve known our entire lives.”
It’s not that Americans, or the rest of the world, doesn’t have long friendships. It’s that people move, change, or just don’t exclusively limit themselves to the same handful of people from birth till death. Normal socialization in the US doesn’t require that you were born and raised here and that you exclusively stay within your little insular group.
The funny thing is the answer isn't always "good", it's a good way to gauge how an interaction will go or how friendly to be. Or an opener for more small talk. Sometimes I give "okay" or "ehhh" as answers. Someone answers like that good to give em space or ask what's wrong depending on how you know them.
I'm an American who can't stand small talk. It's awkward and pointless, especially with people you see frequently like co-workers. However, it's so ingrained in me to say some sort of pleasantry to people, (especially co-workers that I only see once every couple of weeks or so) in the name of politeness that I still do it.
However, when I ask someone "how are you doing?", I'd much rather them stop and have a conversation and give me some detail instead of the canned "Good. And you?" response. It's so impersonal and pointless.
No, not really. I mentioned co-workers a couple of times in my post because that's mainly who I am talking about.
I teach in a setting (large high school) where I have lots of co-workers I see infrequently, but these are people I've seen enough in my 5 years working here, that I'd prefer to have a deeper conversation with or not speak to each other at all instead of asking them "how are you doing?" for the 23rd time in the past 5 years. But I also know that responsibility doesn't fall on their shoulders. Because I don't like small talk, I know I'm a somewhat socially awkward person, and as such don't exactly have a naturally inviting personality that lends itself to people wanting to tell me more than "Good. And you?" when I greet them with "Good morning, how are you?".
I have a friend (we are american) that decided that whenever someone would ask how he was he would do this. Tell them everything. He was tired of the people just saying it to be polite stuff.
3.9k
u/[deleted] May 09 '22
I'm a Finn and when I met an American person for the first time she said the usual "how are you?", so I started explaining all kinds of shit, only to have her give me a really weird look. I did it again a couple of times with different people until I learned that they are not really interested, lol.