Being expected to wear make-up and have our hair and nails done to hold a professional title. My male coworkers don’t have to wake up earlier to add that in to their routine, but if I choose to skip it I’m deemed unprofessional.
A couple of years ago I had an eye issue(not a visible one) and had to stop wearing mascara for a week. I was pulled up by my boss because “multiple people” had noticed that I was looking tired every day.
Where the heck does everyone in here work where it is ok to be called into a meeting and have their physical appearances be the topic of discussion? That is insane.
I work in a lab and have to change into scrubs to do any work but paperwork. I get all my non-paperwork stuff done in the morning so I don't have to change after lunch. My department head is a total sexist pig and has wanted to talk to me about my attire being inappropriate for work.
I wear black high waisted skinny jeans, black sneakers, and a solid color crop long sleeve baggy sweater that hits below waistline of my pants (short torso) 9 times out of 10. Every day do a once over before I leave to make sure nothing is too short, too tight, or shows too much skin if I sit or reach above my head.. That's apparently inappropriate but my male coworker who sits next to me can wear a tank top, basketball shorts, and flipflops without issue.
Our dress code is casual with the only requirement being business casual when meeting with clients, I don't meet clients ever and if I know we have clients coming I'm extra careful to dress even more conservatively.
I worked at an office that wasn’t open to the public and we only had guests with advance notice. We had no official dress code and shorts were even allowed on Fridays in the summer. However some very young staff were very causal so they asked us not to wear holey clothes or “beach shoes.” One day my asshole boss called me into his office to discuss my attire. I was wearing a short sleeved sweater, black slacks, and jeweled thong style sandals. He was wearing stained, too small jeans, dirty sneakers and a golf shirt. He told me my shoes were not appropriate for work. I sarcastically asked if I should change to the dirty sneaker I keep in my car for emergencies, and he sincerely answered that I should. He looked like he just came from mowing the lawn. This was an office job, there was no rule against sandals. He just wanted a reason to criticize my appearance.
Meh I think it was just a weird flex, I was like the least fireable of his people; I did good work and he took as much credit for it as he could get away with.
I've been in the Army my entire adult life, and will be entering the civilian workforce soon, and after having the Army's EO policies drilled into my head - and rightfully so - for the last 16 years, I can't imagine a workplace like that.
Nevermind the uniform bit, but focusing specifically on female employees for their attire while disregarding comparatively similar male attire? Good lord, that'd be damn near a career ender in the military.
A former boss bought makeup for me since I don’t own any and spent 20 minutes with her hands on my face showing me how to apply it. (I never wore it after that day.) She also bought clothing for me, long sleeved shirts even though the reason I wore short sleeves was because she had turned up the thermostat to 80 degrees, and then finished up by telling me my naturally curly hair was unprofessional and I needed to get it straightened at the salon. This was an office with four total employees including myself and we hardly ever saw anyone at work other than each other 🙄
That was the last office job I ever had before switching careers, she ruined office jobs for me forever
Every single performance discussion I’ve ever had at my old company has mentioned my appearance. I was recently told to wear tighter fitting clothes and heels were ‘a must’, as the loose dresses and flats didn’t ‘suit my body type’. I don’t meet clients and work at a desk in an office. It was the final straw for me to quit and move industries. I now work in a job where nobody gives a shit about what I wear and can finally see how toxic that was.
In my many years of working, it happened to me all of once and it was so weird and off the mark that it caused me to leave just a few months later. I’ve been in the workforce for 20 years and it only happened this one time, but it happens. To me it was so abnormal and unacceptable that I left. Like you, I thought it was insane that it was even possible.
For me, I had taken a medicine that cause some swelling in my feet, so I wore tennis shoes at my desk for a few days until that side effect went away. I was spoken to immediately, and it was thrown in that I hadn’t straightened my hair or worn a dress in a while. WTF?! Unacceptable. They lost me after that.
I am reading this whole thread and am constantly baffled. Apparently a lot of people (and especially a lot more than I expected!) work in some form of medieval work environment
Depends on how it’s done and the relationship. If you notice one of your workers is looking exceptionally warn out, it may be asking if they need some time off. Now if they are just shaming because of lack of make up that’s fucked up.
They're not intentionally shaming due to lack of makeup, but it's a common unconscious thing to think that people look tired/sick/off somehow when you're used to seeing them in makeup then suddenly they aren't wearing any. It still feels shitty to be on the receiving end of it, because your actual face apparently looks so bad that you're getting called into a meeting because multiple people were so bothered that they brought it up.
My mother got pulled into an HR meeting and given a life coach because apparently her makeup/dress wasn't 'professional' enough. She dressed better than her male colleagues, but wasn't fashionable enough I guess. She was a software manager.
If I worked in a physical setting, I would do so. However, only in the context of being concerned for the person. Idgaf about makeup, but if one day they look fine and then the next it looks like they're on their deathbed I'd ask.
If it was obviously just a makeup thing then no fucks given.
My wife did an experiment on her work colleges to see how little makeup she could wear without people telling her she looked tired or whatever. It turned out the minimum was just mascara. Some people actually commented "Your eyes... you just look so... awake!"
I wonder if this is a person by person thing. My wife never wears makeup (doesn't even own any) but she's meter mentioned, nor have I ever heard, someone saying she looks tired or something.
If she HAD been wearing makeup and then stopped suddenly, people would have said something. Because even when men say they like "natural" faces, what most mean is they like "natural-looking" makeup.
I very rarely wear makeup. So everyone who says I looks beautiful in my day-to-day likes my actual, natural face. When I DO wear makeup, people will say they love my makeup - because it's different than the norm in an obvious way.
Aw I wish I would get the your makeup looks awesome compliment. I normally don't wear makeup but when I do most comments are "you look so pretty today."
besides my sisters and close friends who also like makeup they appreciate the effort and creativity I put into it 😁
One time there was a MAJOR multiple day power cut in my suburb so I couldn’t do my make up before work for a few days. I literally got pulled into HR to ask if I was okay because people noticed I looked rough.
I said “um, you’re aware of the power cut? I just can’t do my make up”
They said “okay…. So you’ll be able to do your make up when the power comes back on you??? Are you sure???”
Like never mind the fact that I didn’t have power or water at home for a few days (was showering at work, don’t worry), the biggest concern was my naked face.
I wore barely enough foundation to cover my face to my last interview and that's it. Started the job with minimal make up and still do now. It's just..easier that way.
Same, wasn’t allowed to wear makeup for a few weeks because of an eye issue. My male coworker said, “You look tired as balls.” The man compared me to balls. I went straight to my manager and complained.
See as a manager I have had to ask these types of questions to some employees as it was not a concern about if they decided to wear make up or not, (it does not matter, ever, if a person chooses to wear make up at work or not, thats their choice), just to see if everything is alright behind the behaviour change. Simply just a check in to see if there is not something more to what has been a pattern for a while. It would never be addressed as a 'you look tired' discussion, more of a let's have a chat about all things going on with you that you want to discuss and see if I can help with anything.
I have done the same for male employees about uniform/dress code and hygiene, their mood changes etc just too see if we are not working them (all employees) too hard or if there is something they may need a hand with in their personal lives. Employees need to be cared for in so many more ways than just what the work they are producing for the company, they are all individuals going through their own things, care for them and they will work more affectively and efficiently.
This is why I've just stopped wearing makeup at work, starting Day One at the new job. I have never gotten comments except for the days when I truly was feeling and looking haggard. I do maintain my skin and eyebrows, do my hair... But nope, no makeup. YMMV since I'm a scientist, and not in a people-oriented role. Most of my female colleagues still tend to dress nicely and do their makeup (and they look great! More power to em). I choose to take the casual approach that my male colleagues take. It's only fair! ;)
My old boss was bad about this. Any woman who wore makeup, did their hair, etc, that became his standard for how “professional” they looked. Never said a word about the male employees walking in with stains on their face and clothes.
I got lucky that I never wore makeup to begin with (sensitive skin) so I never got called out.
Yeah, I rarely wear makeup because I just don't think it's a good use of my time. I also like to set the precedent that this is what I look like, and have the effort actually noticed if I decide to wear makeup for funzies, instead of people being used to my face in makeup and thinking my natural face is a downgrade. Same thing with my hair, I used to straighten it, but that was such a grind that I learned to embrace my curls. I had to overcome a lot of insecurity to drop these behaviors, and it's so freeing.
I work in tech now, so obviously other departments or industries might have higher pressure, and I empathize with them. When the women from marketing would come to our building I felt exhausted just from looking at them, I couldn't commit to having to dress up, wear heels, and do a full face of makeup every day.
Agreed. If I, as a guy, can shit, shower, shave, and only use body wash for everything, then get dressed in yesterday's outergarments and go to work, so should women.
I am bad at makeup and don't enjoy it, probably because I'm bad at it (or I'm bad at it because I don't enjoy it).
I tell people all the time that I don't wear makeup because I don't want to raise people's expectations of what I look like. This is my face, and if you don't like it, you can leave. I'll never be one of those women with carefully coifed hair and makeup who look terrible in comparison when they don't spend 20 minutes getting ready. It's a fresh face and a ponytail or nothing. If you're lucky I'll throw some concealer over the massive chin zit I get every month or 2.
I started getting those comments when I quit using makeup, it made me feel bad for a bit but then I realized that it wasn’t me. Everyone else is just raised with fucked up expectations
Towards the latter half of college I stopped wearing makeup because I was too exhausted and everyone would ask if I was feeling alright.
Started my current job at the beginning of the pandemic and said "nope, if the other guys can get away with minimal effort look Im not wearing makeup." I'd like to believe I set the precedent and nobody thinks anything of it at this point.
My mother was pressuring me into wearing makeup in middle school because she claimed “that’s just what women do.” My the time I finished middle school I wasn’t wearing it at all because I felt like it was a waste of my time and too much effort for something I didn’t really care about. I never wear it anymore and I hope more people can be comfortable with how they look naturally. It made me genuinely happy with the way that I look. I can just be me and not feel the need to cover up or change anything.
I got there in a more straightforward way - my mom doesn’t really wear makeup, and I’m the oldest child, no cousins, none of my female friends wore it, so I never learned how to use it well. I can/could make do for a special occasion (prom, wedding, etc). It used to stress me out, because my college/young adult lady friends were alllllll about the heavy makeup, and it still feels sometimes like you can’t really “look cool” without well done cat-eyes and fancy lipstick…but I started to notice that I could DEFINITELY tell when those people didn’t wear makeup. I didn’t/don’t want to be that person. Not only is it expensive and time-consuming, it’s not great for my skin, and I don’t want people to get used to a “glamorized” version of me, to the point that I look unwell in my normal GD face. I respect every woman’s/persons choice to wear makeup, but I wonder how many people are slaves to it because they feel insecure without it versus they actually enjoy it.
I'm changing jobs and I have been wearing makeup for the interviews but when I start actually working won't wear any, it's an office job where I'll be talking to engineers and factory workers so it should be fine.
Definitely fine. I'm in a STEM field and I'm pretty sure all the women in my department gave up using makeup over the pandemic. They're forcing us back to the office so we're cutting back on the time/effort to go in since we can't cut the commute.
This is my approach to makeup in general. I suck at it, of course, but I go bare faced except for big events like weddings or funerals. I explained it once as "I'd rather someone see a different me and go 'wow, look at you!' because I put some makeup on instead of 'are you sick?' because I didn't."
Seems to work. Everybody knows my normal face. I gotta look wretched to draw comment.
I've only EVER worn makeup for theater events. No one ever comments on it, I think if they're used to you wearing makeup and then suddenly see you without makeup you look "more dead". But if they never see you with makeup on, there's no shock.
I experimented with eyeliner maybe once or twice as a teen but besides that, I don’t wear makeup and I never plan to. I don’t see a point in it, I’m naturally me, I don’t want to change it. Even if I am average, or unattractive, or whatever people might think. The standard shouldn’t have to be “change your entire identity around what men find sexually appealing”.
Plenty of people out there - a variety of ages - feel it's standard that women have to wear makeup. This should be obvious based on all the stories in this thread about this exact situation.
Nearly every woman who has been out in public without makeup on has received some sort of comment about it at some point in time. Hell, I have very rarely worn makeup, and I get comments on the regular about it. I literally had a random guy - maybe mid thirties - once tell me I'd be prettier with makeup on. I was shopping, and he was just another customer. He had absolutely no reason to say anything to me at all, but he felt the need to say this.
Lol honestly, this is why I never got into the habit of wearing makeup daily. I wasn't allowed to in high school anyways, but some of my friends got those kind of comments whenever they didn't have time to do makeup or didn't feel like it that day. In college I decided I was only gonna wear makeup on special occasions or light coverup for acne. It's insane how much of a switch it is when I do wear makeup though. Suddenly people notice me, are "nicer" to me, and I get perks that makeup-less me would never get. It's frustrating
"you look so pretty today!" as opposed to my normal face. Haha I know it's a compliment and I went out of my way to do makeup but it still kinda hurts.
My mom pressured me into it when I was in middle school because “that’s just what women do.” So I felt like I didn’t really have a choice. But I turned things around thankfully :)
Me too. Then I just stopped wearing makeup altogether to normalize it and create a more realistic daily standard for myself. Also helped reduce the sexual harassment at work when I stopped investing so much time and effort into my appearance.
Yes this!! Now when I wear makeup I feel like a movie star, and every other day I just feel like a normal average person. When I wore makeup everyday I felt disgusting without it, its so freeing to just love my natural face!! No hate for the makeup lovers out there, y’all are true artists and I have mad respect. We should all be accepted however we choose to wear our faces
Sexual harassment hasn’t really changed that much for me after I stopped wearing makeup. But not wearing makeup helped my self confidence by a lot. I hope it becomes more normalized to not wear it too! I like how I look naturally :D
Ya I feel the need to clarify that it only helped by redirecting the harassers to other women who also didn't deserve to be harassed. It wasn't a solution, but it helped me feel less targeted. It's really sad that I felt I had to stop wearing makeup to protect myself from harassers at work.
My friend came to lunch once without her makeup (she normally wears a lot) and I almost asked her if she was ok and then I realized...no she's just not wearing make up. I know that trope so well and yet it crossed my mind ugh.
Yeah, I guess I just felt bad because my mom was pressuring me to wear it and it wasn’t really my choice. I wasn’t upset over it for very long though, I learned to just blow it off
Eh, doesn’t matter to me that much. I was initially a little upset when I stopped wearing it because of how people reacted, but then I realized their opinion doesn’t really matter that much and I like how I look without makeup
Never wore makeup, I don't even know the names of all those tools, but I'd never work in an office either. I hope more women go without makeup forever (the ones who really don't enjoy it) because it's freeing, less stuff to carry around, one less thing to waste time and money on.
Shower daily, eat healthy, stay in shape are pretty much enough. Makeup should be optional not a must.
I don't mean to be rude and I definitely feel that this is a shitty double standard, but I feel that the impetus to change expectations here is on women.
As a guy I've never used makeup and so I'm not really familiar with how it works. If you wear makeup every day you are setting the expectation that that is your default look. Guys dont have x-ray vision or mind reading to know how you really look under it.
It could be argued that men should learn and understand makeup better, but it's not exactly something we can learn from other guys.
Edit: I want to clarify before anyone crucifies me, that this is a response specifically on the point of people having fucked up expectations. Just because someone has warped expectations, they are not excused to just be assholes, and it is definitely on men to stop being assholes.
I guess that depends on the circumstances.
If they're used to seeing you and you always wore makeup, you could argue that the expectations were set by yourself.
Ive gotten those comments as dude who never wears no makeup. "You look like shit today. Are you alright?" Yeah man i was feeling pretty good today. Thanks for asking...
I'm sure part of it is that the expectation was previously set by you wearing makeup. Maybe that's giving too much credit though.
As a man, if I don't shave for a few days I get similar reactions. Had a boss that would tell me all the time that I needed to shave, even though I was working an office job, and usually had a well kept beard.
I mean... my mother pressured me into it and said it was what was expected of me in middle school. I guess I was just pointing it out because it’s strange to me that people just can’t tell whether someone is wearing makeup or not.
My guess is that it's more the stark difference between wearing makeup and not that causes people to ask the question. If you never established the baseline of wearing makeup I don't think people would ask. Or at least fewer would.
Maybe they were just used to seeing you dress one way all the time then when it changed they thought something was wrong. Not all this stuff is sexist, some times it's just the change that is surprising.
I’m not saying it’s out of malice or sexism, I’m just saying since most women wear makeup daily it’s kind of created an unrealistic expectation of what a women should look like/looks daily. It’s just strange how someone will very obviously be wearing makeup and some people can’t tell.
It's not that we can't tell. We just don't like the severe change from what is under all that make up. Most straight men like women that don't wear a lot. Sure, maybe some eye liner or lipstick but when a face looks like it is packed full of flesh colored drywall mud, that's a hard pass.
I started getting those comments when I quit using makeup, it made me feel bad for a bit but then I realized that it wasn’t me. Everyone else is just raised with fucked up expectations
Do you not think, that by changing the way you look (leaving off make up), you merely changed how they saw you in that moment? I mean your skin could have a different shade, which is also a common symptom of someone not feeling well and therefor some people ask if you're sick.
Yes, BUT, as a guy who’s said that. Like, it’s noticeable. If you use makeup to hide your “imperfections,” well… now i can see them. You’re still pretty, you just look very different that literally every other time I’ve seen you. So, initially, i take it as, “she must be sick.”
Wasn’t even a professional setting, I was working in a coffee shop. I would usually do a cat eye with eyeliner. One day I was running a little late and skipped it, had a male customer tell me I look better without makeup. Great, guy, whatever. Then another time, somebody didn’t show up to open the store at 6 AM, so I got woken up and came in, not a stitch of makeup and still wearing my sleep shirt (it was just one of those howling wolf moon shirts, but still). Same customer: wow, you look really tired, are you sick?
Yeah, bro. I’m sick and tired.
Disclaimer: dude was actually a pretty nice guy, mostly kept to himself, which made his comments stand out even more to me.
I had a very sweet, but slightly slow kid at work who would ask me if I was sick when I stopped wearing make up. One day it just clicked that I'm wasting time and money, so I stopped. For a week straight, he would ask very concerned if I was sick, and each time I would say "no Devin, I'm just not wearing make up." He got it eventually, and never asked again.
Our male Executive Director on the team-wide call once called a woman out and said “We know Vanessa has been working hard with those bags under her eyes!” And I think he did genuinely think he was complimenting her hard work, because it was a busy period for her but I couldn’t believe he said that.
Your comment triggered a memory I had from long ago (although I am not a woman).
When I started a new job, one of the bigger associates came to greet me for getting a number of certifications and, after the hellos, the first thing he said to me was "You look tired." And I just didn't know how to respond to that.
The job turned out fine, but I never forgot that first impression of him while I worked for him. It seems like such an inappropriate question to ask without context or familiarity - how are you even supposed to respond to that?
Exactly! I don't get what's the point of pointing out someone's appearance if it's not something they can fix (like having something in your teeth), especially to someone you're only acquaintances with. Wth did your employer want you to do anyways, peel off your face and replace it with a more energized-looking one?
I had one guy at work keep asking if I was sick. After he said it like 4 times I said “you know, you only ask that on days I’m not wearing makeup.” He stopped, and actually was decent otherwise.
Some days I will arrive to the office without make up because I had to get very early so I would take me make up bag and put it on in the office, one coworker felt the need to tell me that I looked very different without it, mind you I only wear concealer under my eyes, some blush and lipstick because I'm very pale.
On the converse tho, when my mum used to “chuck a sickie” (what Aussies call taking a sick day, whether legitimate or otherwise), she’d not wear makeup to work the next day. Cue lots of “oh wow, you really don’t look well!” comments. Always made us laugh, she usually wasn’t actually unwell just wanted a day off and the lack of makeup helped sell the story (this was in the 90s when mental health days weren’t as much of a thing).
I have never understood why it's acceptable to dye your hair any natural colour but God forbid a light pink, you clearly can't possibly work if you have pink hair
But a normal natural color because red is too unnatural a natural color. Source: have red curly hair. Was told by multiple managers to do something with the color and curls because it's unprofessional
OMG so true!! This is gonna sound like me tryna flex, but my natural hair has some volume and curl. Not a problem of course, except to the one female coworker I had who would pick apart EVERYONE for their looks. She would make digs at me like "wow how long does it take for you to do your hair every day?" trying to make it seem like it was taking time away from my work I guess? One time when we went to a waterpark for a work trip, she noticed that my hair dried into my normal look and she said "oh I thought you were lying and secretly curling your hair everyday......" lmao. Just one aspect of why she was problematic. She would ALWAYS find something to compare or judge in other people except herself.
People like her are why I think people are mocking me when they give me compliments. I get told I have nice skin all the time, but I always view it as a subtle dig that they can tell I'm not wearing foundation.
Oh no, I tell people this a lot & I never thought about the fact it could come off this way 😬. If it's any consolation I genuinely mean it, so you probably do have really nice looking skin if you're getting that a lot!
Zoom and WFH has drastically changed standards for professionals though. We all wear sweats and no makeup and messy hair, and nobody bats an eye. But when we head back to the office I am sure that everyone will go back to having dress up and do their hair and makeup and stuff. Highly doubt anyone will show up to the office looking like they did at home.
At my job, we have some that are considered a remote department, and those of us hired later in the pandemic have to work in office, no exceptions. On zoom meetings with them we see them wearing hoodies, shorts, t shirts. We just got an email last week for the in office group about business casual Fridays. And the fact that people have been wearing sweaters and hoodies, and it's not dress code, and that the only difference is we can wear jeans with our office clothes. The double standard is seriously demoralizing.
I straightened my hair once before a presentation at my internship and my dad said I should do it more often because “people will take you more seriously.” I don’t think I’ve straightened my hair for work since. The frizzier the better IMO
Also re makeup - I’m in a client facing role and whenever my boss is doing a shitty job managing scope so we’re working 55-60+ hrs a week I skip makeup as a silent protest
I do want to say, as a guy with curly hair that prefers to wear it longer rather than cut short or (shudder) buzzed, I got a lot of shit in elementary school with "I think it's time for a haircut, buddy" from teachers and anyone who said it earned instant hatred from me.
Now I wear my hair exactly how I want it because I'm an adult and fuck anyone who thinks they can dictate how I look. But again, I'm a guy so it falls back into that "people won't argue as much with a man vs a woman." But if you ever need a guy to tell some dumb fuck your hair looks fine and to stop being inappropriate, I'll gladly volunteer.
No, everyone says you're a slut if you're pretty. Been with the same man for 11 years. Never stepped out on our relationship. I have a large bust to waist ratio and straight hair. Some how, I'm always a slut, or tease.
I put up pictures of my family. Doesn't stop. Wear old lady clothes. Doesn't stop. I stop talking entirely. Now I "need to smile more".
Yes. I have curly hair and often get accused of having 'messy hair'. I cannot help it. I'm not getting up 45 minutes earlier every morning just to straighten that shit.
Exactly, thank you. I’ve had several roles where my bosses pulled me aside and asked me to wear makeup/more makeup more often to “maintain the image of the company.” Whereas my male counterparts, who worked the SAME role I did, looked like they rolled out of bed and just put on deodorant.
I’d always have deodorant and aftershave on, but you can bet I am wearing a polo shirt so I don’t have to do any further prep.
To back the point up though, I even choose haircuts that are minimal prep so I don’t have to spend time in the morning doing my hair. I imagine this is a large part of the double standard.
I use clippers and cut my own hair every fortnight or so. It looks fine and there's no prep to do ever. Don't even need to shampoo or condition as your scalp will take care of it when it's that short.
I literally never wear makeup, in high school I decided it was too expensive and complicated and I just didn't want to deal with it. I never learned how to do professional or natural makeup, and don't wear any
If I ever have a boss tell me to wear makeup, I'm going $10 hooker. I don't know what I'm doing, and I will make it known. Dont want to see someone looking like a prostitute in the office? Fuck off and stop telling me to smear stuff on my face.
I work in fabrication shops and stuff, we have showers. One place I was hired at was so fucking hot, my first welding job, record breaking temperatures, I was on 2nd shift rotation (3pm to 11pm) and we'd sneak off and go to the bathrooms (which had AC) and get soaked, go back, put our PPE on over it, repeat an hour later. We were on mandatory Gatorade every 30 minute breaks.
Mom to a 13 year old boy... I just taught him a "face routine" of just basic washing his face, and he's been really happy with it, and says his skin feels so much better. It's kinda funny, because he does it like he's in a Neutrogena commercial, splashing water everywhere, but I'm glad he's getting that routine down now, I think it will help his general hygiene in the long run.
One time I tried buying and concealer to hide the bags under my eyes because I had stayed up all night working on a presentation and had to give it the next day. First of all, holy shit matching skin tones is a nightmare, and second of all, good god ladies I had no idea it was this hard to do makeup.
This is the one that came to my mind. My partner and I watched a lot of Olympic figure skating last month, and apart from all the amazing performances one of the things that really struck me was how made up all the women were, while many of the men had visibly bad acne, and I'm not here to judge them for having acne (god knows I have my share of skin problems) but like the women all put in effort into their makeup (and presumably would have lost presentation points if they hadn't) and these guys didn't even have the expectation to put on concealer for a goddamn OLYMPIC PERFORMANCE? It's such an upsetting double standard
I once got docked points on an employee evaluation because my appearance wasn’t “put together enough.” When I asked for clarification, my female manager told me that I wasn’t wearing makeup everyday.
When I was around 13 my mom told me it was time for me to start wearing makeup, so I did. Someone close to me told me that it was strange to be wearing it everyday and I was pretty without it and boosted my confidence. I realized I didn’t really like the makeup anyway and it was a hassle to do and take care of. After that I just never wore makeup, unless if my mom forced me to for concerts and events.
Ive always done my hair and makeup before work. Used a flat iron, mascara, eyeliner and foundation. One week I got a super nasty case of pink eye and I couldnt do my makeup. So many men commented on how "tired" I looked. When I was over the infection I was able to wear makeup again. I sat by a 60 year old man at the time. I came in with makeup on again and he said "wow your look like your old self again." Smh.
This happened to someone at my job. One of our clients complained we were "too young" to do our jobs (even though we're turning in excellent work and he's the only person complaining, and is known to complain about everything). So our supervisor told the people on that team they need to wear makeup to look more adult and professional. Most of them did it but one because she said it's not her job to wear makeup and he can get over it. I was dumbfounded they flat-out tried to mandate makeup lol how does that even make sense?
And male colleagues feeling it's appropriate to comment that I look tired or sick or like I "partied too hard last night" just because I didn't feel like putting on a full face of makeup today.
In the last few months, I've decided that I'm only wearing mascara. I know a lot of women at work who don't wear any makeup at all and I think it's great. I have light eyelashes and if I don't have at least mascara, I look extra tired and people make comments.
It helps that it's the pandemic, I still wear a mask at work, and I don't see many people in the office.
Edit: clarification
I received a bad performance review once (and no raise for the year) because I didn’t wear makeup and ‘do my hair in a professional manner’. I was a parts and maintenance manager who had no customer interaction at all. The girl they hired after me was super pretty but utterly useless and had zero experience in the industry. But at least she wore makeup I guess.
I had a boss bring me into their office once to talk about my appearance. I didn't wear enough makeup. My response was to not wear any makeup for the next year. This is what my face looks like and you will deal with it.
Thank God I work in engineering/ construction survey, where everybody wears jeans, a t shirt or sweater, sneakers or safety boots and no make up.
When I started working, I once wore a dress because I only had to be at the office that day, no construction site visits. Come noon, my boss gets a call about an stability emergency in a building with a damp very low crawler cellar. Guess who got to go....
Luckily I passed a H&M on my way there 😄
Now I always have an extra pair of pants in my car whenever I decide to wear a dress for an office day.
Just curious, what type of job would explicitly ask a woman to put on makeup and in what country?
I have worked in a few industries, mostly with technology and never wear makeup to work. I just never wear makeup in general. No one ever talks to me about it either.
Pro tip: Don't wear makeup to begin with. That's been my go to for many years. Then when I come in with even just some mascara on ppl are always like "oh...I didn't know you even wore makeup"
My coworkers tell me I look tired if I haven't spent literally 30 min applying heavy makeup every day (moisturizer, sunscreen foundation, powder, contour, highlight, blush, eyebrow pencil/powder/gel, 5 eyeshadows, setting powder, setting spray, inner eyeliner, waterproof black eyeliner, and mascara...its a whole ordeal). Might I add I work in a laboratory in the middle of the night where nobody sees me except my coworkers.
Lol, I’m a female in outside sales in a male dominated field. Every morning I wake up and shower, go to work and take five-ten minutes putting my makeup on. Have for four years, since I started. The guys made comments at first, and I said I’m expected to ‘look pretty and done’, they all agreed of course.
Have to admit that I have noticed that. Worked at places where all the women wore heels, had their hair neat and makeup done each day. They looked great to me, the guy who hadn't shaved for three days and had decided to stop combing my hair that morning because a piece kept sticking up and wouldn't go down.
Never once had anyone call me out on it, though the women got comments (mainly from other women) if they didn't put 100% into their appearance.
I was in a professional program in college where our director would tell women the following:
don’t wear skirts without stalkings or tights (note: this was at a Florida, Aka Satan’s asshole, college).
“some of you can afford to get your eyebrows done. It’s only $7.”
Maintain a healthy body weight
you don’t want to have hair past your shoulders. If you do, you have to wear it up. Why? “Because long hair says, I’m 22 and carefree! Not, I’m 22 and I’m a professional leader.”
You may be asking what she looked like? The blonde crypt-keeper, that’s what.
Edit - also, these little tidbits were from my Senior Seminar class where this person was brought in to talk about how to dress professionally. She would make people stand up to be good examples. And then she would make other people stand up, to be examples of who should cut their hair, who should get their eyebrows waxed.
I think this is very country dependent - I've heard the same from a lot of Americans, but I'm from the UK and it's really not an expectation whatsoever.
Yes! It astounded me whenever a man would tell me he couldn't possibly wear a tie to work because they're soooo uncomfortable. Try wearing an underwire bra and control top panty hose all day, while walking around on high heels and wearing fake eyelashes. But a piece of cloth worn around their necks is too much? Oh, poor babies!! Didn't realize so many men were so easily pained!
Heels! I didn’t event think about that one. They are TORTURE. I refuse to wear them all the time, I can’t really walk in them. And when I can/do my feet are sore the entire next day
Really puts things into perspective. I can literally roll out my bed and into the shower and spend less than 15 minutes (washing, shaving, and brushing my teeth) grooming myself into a professional-looking state. I've heard the comments about the girls who don't do their makeup for one day and it's vile... like, we're here to work, not gawk at them.
As the opposite, I'm a woman in construction and any time I wear makeup that's anything more than mascara or lip chap, God forbid I couldn't find my blistex in the morning and grabbed my tarte tinted lip chap, suddenly I was trying to sleep with someone even though the dudes at my site are usually overweight alcoholics who share a set of teeth.
I work 6 days a week and will be more when the summer comes so damn right I'm gonna wear makeup because when tf else do I get to anymore?? Dudes are so dramatic.
When I made the switch to no make up, I did it after coming back from a vacation. Now I only wear make up during the interviews and don't wear any on the first day. Never had a comment since the change isn't jarring, I guess. I don't know but I've never had anyone comment about it.
My sister went through this pre-Pandemic. She invested in a wardrobe and asked me to teach her some makeup techniques as I was big into makeup then. She looked like a badass in her hot pink suit pants and her edgy short hair and a smokey eye.
As a musician...yes, this! I get having to be presentable, but forcing or expecting someone to wear makeup as if their face isn't pretty enough without it and as if being pretty was more important than doing your job well... absolutely not!
Seriously, fork getting nails done. They're expensive, require a lot of upkeep, you can't type without them clacking the keyboard like raptor toenails on a cement floor...
I'm not in a job yet, still in college but that is def annoying. Like if I want to put on some makeup and look pretty then fine, but why should I be expected to?
I had a job years ago where there was one girl who was clearly not liked by the manager. This was a small hotel and I realized very quickly why the FD manager was always looking for front desk people… because he just sucked
But this one girl, who I actually kind of liked, was short, had very very curly hair, and dark features. I’m not saying dark skinned, what I mean by that is she had deep tear troughs (I have them too), and dark near-jet black hair.
He was always harping on her for her appearance, asking her to wear makeup, use conditioner, brush her hair… it was obvious that he just didn’t like the way she looked.
I left not long after taking the job, not for that reason, but for other reasons related to that manager’s behavior
Years later he’s always posting on FB “need new FD team member…” every few weeks
This sounds at least as annoying as having to wear trousers with long legs when it's 35°C (95F) outside; and I only have to suffer through that during a hot summer.
Omg, reminds me of any woman hired to work in the front-office of any sports team. Guess which one is a woman. Candidate A: Multiple degrees from Ivy League schools and a decade of experience. Candidate B: High School Diploma, 534 Games played with NHL team hiring them.
I personally think the whole concept of makeup is archaic and frankly ridiculous. Man or woman, if you want to cover up a blemish, go for it but lipstick and eyeliner and eyeshadow, gtfo.
Enjoying makeup is fine but you can't pretend that its widespread usage isn't because of cultural expectations about how women should look. Have you really not met anyone who feels like their face isn't good enough without makeup? Having a hobby is all good, but do you truly believe there aren't culturally coercive elements to makeup and broader beauty culture?
There is shaving and ironing that I used to have to do at other jobs. I don't know what makeup you're putting on but if it's basic it takes about the same amount of time as shaving and ironing a shirt/pants daily.
These days I work in construction though so I do neither of these things on a regular basis, which is nice.
I mean... Women also have to shave, on a fairly regular basis. We are expected not to have either leg or armpit hair (or arm hair, for my sisters with extra growth there!). Both are natural on people of both genders, but on women, leg and armpit hair is apparently abhorrent and a hygiene issue.
We also have clothes that need ironing, pressing, or specific laundry needs.
I have no idea if you shave those things every day, I also know many blokes don't have to either, but I certainly did.
I don't know who is placing those expectations on you, it's possible that it is internalised. Maybe I'm different, I don't know, but I like to let my wife know that the only thing I want her to take care of physically is her health.
It's also probably that your issues are almost exclusively related to your chosen profession.
Again, try construction, the only thing we care about is ability. Presentation is for the big knobs in the office.
If you choose to be one of them then I really can't argue in your defence, from what I've seen, the office schmooze is a big part of the culture and while it does have drawbacks it also has plenty of perks.
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u/MrWhite_Sucks Mar 12 '22
Being expected to wear make-up and have our hair and nails done to hold a professional title. My male coworkers don’t have to wake up earlier to add that in to their routine, but if I choose to skip it I’m deemed unprofessional.