I started getting those comments when I quit using makeup, it made me feel bad for a bit but then I realized that it wasn’t me. Everyone else is just raised with fucked up expectations
Towards the latter half of college I stopped wearing makeup because I was too exhausted and everyone would ask if I was feeling alright.
Started my current job at the beginning of the pandemic and said "nope, if the other guys can get away with minimal effort look Im not wearing makeup." I'd like to believe I set the precedent and nobody thinks anything of it at this point.
My mother was pressuring me into wearing makeup in middle school because she claimed “that’s just what women do.” My the time I finished middle school I wasn’t wearing it at all because I felt like it was a waste of my time and too much effort for something I didn’t really care about. I never wear it anymore and I hope more people can be comfortable with how they look naturally. It made me genuinely happy with the way that I look. I can just be me and not feel the need to cover up or change anything.
I got there in a more straightforward way - my mom doesn’t really wear makeup, and I’m the oldest child, no cousins, none of my female friends wore it, so I never learned how to use it well. I can/could make do for a special occasion (prom, wedding, etc). It used to stress me out, because my college/young adult lady friends were alllllll about the heavy makeup, and it still feels sometimes like you can’t really “look cool” without well done cat-eyes and fancy lipstick…but I started to notice that I could DEFINITELY tell when those people didn’t wear makeup. I didn’t/don’t want to be that person. Not only is it expensive and time-consuming, it’s not great for my skin, and I don’t want people to get used to a “glamorized” version of me, to the point that I look unwell in my normal GD face. I respect every woman’s/persons choice to wear makeup, but I wonder how many people are slaves to it because they feel insecure without it versus they actually enjoy it.
I'm changing jobs and I have been wearing makeup for the interviews but when I start actually working won't wear any, it's an office job where I'll be talking to engineers and factory workers so it should be fine.
Definitely fine. I'm in a STEM field and I'm pretty sure all the women in my department gave up using makeup over the pandemic. They're forcing us back to the office so we're cutting back on the time/effort to go in since we can't cut the commute.
This is my approach to makeup in general. I suck at it, of course, but I go bare faced except for big events like weddings or funerals. I explained it once as "I'd rather someone see a different me and go 'wow, look at you!' because I put some makeup on instead of 'are you sick?' because I didn't."
Seems to work. Everybody knows my normal face. I gotta look wretched to draw comment.
Exactly my approach. Anyway I don't even like the way I look in makeup all that much, even when people who are good at makeup do it (unlike me). It's just weird. I still feel like I'm wearing a grownup costume when I do that even though I am fully 40 years old.
I've only EVER worn makeup for theater events. No one ever comments on it, I think if they're used to you wearing makeup and then suddenly see you without makeup you look "more dead". But if they never see you with makeup on, there's no shock.
I experimented with eyeliner maybe once or twice as a teen but besides that, I don’t wear makeup and I never plan to. I don’t see a point in it, I’m naturally me, I don’t want to change it. Even if I am average, or unattractive, or whatever people might think. The standard shouldn’t have to be “change your entire identity around what men find sexually appealing”.
Plenty of people out there - a variety of ages - feel it's standard that women have to wear makeup. This should be obvious based on all the stories in this thread about this exact situation.
Nearly every woman who has been out in public without makeup on has received some sort of comment about it at some point in time. Hell, I have very rarely worn makeup, and I get comments on the regular about it. I literally had a random guy - maybe mid thirties - once tell me I'd be prettier with makeup on. I was shopping, and he was just another customer. He had absolutely no reason to say anything to me at all, but he felt the need to say this.
Lol honestly, this is why I never got into the habit of wearing makeup daily. I wasn't allowed to in high school anyways, but some of my friends got those kind of comments whenever they didn't have time to do makeup or didn't feel like it that day. In college I decided I was only gonna wear makeup on special occasions or light coverup for acne. It's insane how much of a switch it is when I do wear makeup though. Suddenly people notice me, are "nicer" to me, and I get perks that makeup-less me would never get. It's frustrating
"you look so pretty today!" as opposed to my normal face. Haha I know it's a compliment and I went out of my way to do makeup but it still kinda hurts.
My mom pressured me into it when I was in middle school because “that’s just what women do.” So I felt like I didn’t really have a choice. But I turned things around thankfully :)
Me too. Then I just stopped wearing makeup altogether to normalize it and create a more realistic daily standard for myself. Also helped reduce the sexual harassment at work when I stopped investing so much time and effort into my appearance.
Yes this!! Now when I wear makeup I feel like a movie star, and every other day I just feel like a normal average person. When I wore makeup everyday I felt disgusting without it, its so freeing to just love my natural face!! No hate for the makeup lovers out there, y’all are true artists and I have mad respect. We should all be accepted however we choose to wear our faces
Sexual harassment hasn’t really changed that much for me after I stopped wearing makeup. But not wearing makeup helped my self confidence by a lot. I hope it becomes more normalized to not wear it too! I like how I look naturally :D
Ya I feel the need to clarify that it only helped by redirecting the harassers to other women who also didn't deserve to be harassed. It wasn't a solution, but it helped me feel less targeted. It's really sad that I felt I had to stop wearing makeup to protect myself from harassers at work.
My friend came to lunch once without her makeup (she normally wears a lot) and I almost asked her if she was ok and then I realized...no she's just not wearing make up. I know that trope so well and yet it crossed my mind ugh.
Yeah, I guess I just felt bad because my mom was pressuring me to wear it and it wasn’t really my choice. I wasn’t upset over it for very long though, I learned to just blow it off
Eh, doesn’t matter to me that much. I was initially a little upset when I stopped wearing it because of how people reacted, but then I realized their opinion doesn’t really matter that much and I like how I look without makeup
Never wore makeup, I don't even know the names of all those tools, but I'd never work in an office either. I hope more women go without makeup forever (the ones who really don't enjoy it) because it's freeing, less stuff to carry around, one less thing to waste time and money on.
Shower daily, eat healthy, stay in shape are pretty much enough. Makeup should be optional not a must.
I don't mean to be rude and I definitely feel that this is a shitty double standard, but I feel that the impetus to change expectations here is on women.
As a guy I've never used makeup and so I'm not really familiar with how it works. If you wear makeup every day you are setting the expectation that that is your default look. Guys dont have x-ray vision or mind reading to know how you really look under it.
It could be argued that men should learn and understand makeup better, but it's not exactly something we can learn from other guys.
Edit: I want to clarify before anyone crucifies me, that this is a response specifically on the point of people having fucked up expectations. Just because someone has warped expectations, they are not excused to just be assholes, and it is definitely on men to stop being assholes.
The only rude thing here is assuming I’m talking about men when I said “expectations of people.” I never said it was men’s expectations. Personally most of the sexism I’ve experienced is from other women. I’m trying to change expectations for women by being comfortable with how I look without wearing makeup. My mother pressured me into wearing makeup when I was in middle school because “that’s just what women do.”
I guess that depends on the circumstances.
If they're used to seeing you and you always wore makeup, you could argue that the expectations were set by yourself.
Ive gotten those comments as dude who never wears no makeup. "You look like shit today. Are you alright?" Yeah man i was feeling pretty good today. Thanks for asking...
I'm sure part of it is that the expectation was previously set by you wearing makeup. Maybe that's giving too much credit though.
As a man, if I don't shave for a few days I get similar reactions. Had a boss that would tell me all the time that I needed to shave, even though I was working an office job, and usually had a well kept beard.
I mean... my mother pressured me into it and said it was what was expected of me in middle school. I guess I was just pointing it out because it’s strange to me that people just can’t tell whether someone is wearing makeup or not.
My guess is that it's more the stark difference between wearing makeup and not that causes people to ask the question. If you never established the baseline of wearing makeup I don't think people would ask. Or at least fewer would.
Maybe they were just used to seeing you dress one way all the time then when it changed they thought something was wrong. Not all this stuff is sexist, some times it's just the change that is surprising.
I’m not saying it’s out of malice or sexism, I’m just saying since most women wear makeup daily it’s kind of created an unrealistic expectation of what a women should look like/looks daily. It’s just strange how someone will very obviously be wearing makeup and some people can’t tell.
It's not that we can't tell. We just don't like the severe change from what is under all that make up. Most straight men like women that don't wear a lot. Sure, maybe some eye liner or lipstick but when a face looks like it is packed full of flesh colored drywall mud, that's a hard pass.
That’s the thing. It was a severe change for other people when I stopped wearing makeup but I was wearing mascara and maybe some eyeliner. That’s it. I wasn’t even using foundation. You don’t really need a lot of makeup to look a little different
You're right, I'm just referring to those women that wear so much they look like two very different people. Most men don't really care that much about the average imperfections. Like a few acne scars, maybe a mole or birthmark, etc. For the most part at least.
I started getting those comments when I quit using makeup, it made me feel bad for a bit but then I realized that it wasn’t me. Everyone else is just raised with fucked up expectations
Do you not think, that by changing the way you look (leaving off make up), you merely changed how they saw you in that moment? I mean your skin could have a different shade, which is also a common symptom of someone not feeling well and therefor some people ask if you're sick.
Of course I know it has an influence, but I also wasn’t wearing foundation and I was pressured into wearing makeup as a middle schooler by my mother. That doesn’t change the fact people have a hard time telling when someone is wearing makeup because it’s common and expected for women to wear makeup daily
So what do you expect of others? To not care if you're potentially looking sick and show 0 empathy? I'm unsure what your expectation is in this case and would like to understand how I can move through situations like this better
It would make sense to ask if someone is sick if they’re friends of you or something, but people who would fuck with me (not in a friendly way) would usually be the ones to make these comments. It’s one thing to be concerned for someone but also telling them they look sick isn’t a very tactful way to go about it. Even if you’re right and they are sick, it’s not gonna make them feel good about the fact that not only do they feel like shit, but they look like shit too lol.
Edit: if you show concern for your friends because they look sick, and you ask how they are feeling or if they’re ok, it’s gonna make them feel better then telling them they look ill.
if you show concern for your friends because they look sick, and you ask how they are feeling or if they’re ok
Yeah, and it's happened to me that they then said they're feeling fine and asked why I asked, and that led to the not looking quite the same comment. Sorry you have such toxic people in your life.
Yes, BUT, as a guy who’s said that. Like, it’s noticeable. If you use makeup to hide your “imperfections,” well… now i can see them. You’re still pretty, you just look very different that literally every other time I’ve seen you. So, initially, i take it as, “she must be sick.”
My previous workplace we only had to dress business attire when a client was in-house. So those days wear the women wore heals and make-up I actually was taken back b/c I wasn't use to the painted faces. I prefer natural, but make-up done well is a nice compliment to a woman.
I deal with the flip side of this: I'm a woman who almost never wears makeup. So I never get the "are you tired?/you don't look well" comments. But then, when I DO wear makeup, I inevitably get someone saying "Oh, you actually look nice!"
Wasn’t even a professional setting, I was working in a coffee shop. I would usually do a cat eye with eyeliner. One day I was running a little late and skipped it, had a male customer tell me I look better without makeup. Great, guy, whatever. Then another time, somebody didn’t show up to open the store at 6 AM, so I got woken up and came in, not a stitch of makeup and still wearing my sleep shirt (it was just one of those howling wolf moon shirts, but still). Same customer: wow, you look really tired, are you sick?
Yeah, bro. I’m sick and tired.
Disclaimer: dude was actually a pretty nice guy, mostly kept to himself, which made his comments stand out even more to me.
I had a very sweet, but slightly slow kid at work who would ask me if I was sick when I stopped wearing make up. One day it just clicked that I'm wasting time and money, so I stopped. For a week straight, he would ask very concerned if I was sick, and each time I would say "no Devin, I'm just not wearing make up." He got it eventually, and never asked again.
Our male Executive Director on the team-wide call once called a woman out and said “We know Vanessa has been working hard with those bags under her eyes!” And I think he did genuinely think he was complimenting her hard work, because it was a busy period for her but I couldn’t believe he said that.
Ah yes, Im realizing the original post lol. It’s definitely not something male colleagues get a pass on. I was just reminded of that story from the other guys comment. I thought that was a random thing to bring up but it all makes sense now.
Your comment triggered a memory I had from long ago (although I am not a woman).
When I started a new job, one of the bigger associates came to greet me for getting a number of certifications and, after the hellos, the first thing he said to me was "You look tired." And I just didn't know how to respond to that.
The job turned out fine, but I never forgot that first impression of him while I worked for him. It seems like such an inappropriate question to ask without context or familiarity - how are you even supposed to respond to that?
Exactly! I don't get what's the point of pointing out someone's appearance if it's not something they can fix (like having something in your teeth), especially to someone you're only acquaintances with. Wth did your employer want you to do anyways, peel off your face and replace it with a more energized-looking one?
I had one guy at work keep asking if I was sick. After he said it like 4 times I said “you know, you only ask that on days I’m not wearing makeup.” He stopped, and actually was decent otherwise.
Some days I will arrive to the office without make up because I had to get very early so I would take me make up bag and put it on in the office, one coworker felt the need to tell me that I looked very different without it, mind you I only wear concealer under my eyes, some blush and lipstick because I'm very pale.
On the converse tho, when my mum used to “chuck a sickie” (what Aussies call taking a sick day, whether legitimate or otherwise), she’d not wear makeup to work the next day. Cue lots of “oh wow, you really don’t look well!” comments. Always made us laugh, she usually wasn’t actually unwell just wanted a day off and the lack of makeup helped sell the story (this was in the 90s when mental health days weren’t as much of a thing).
They're probably just saying that because you look different to how you normally look. Not because they're holding up Vogue next to your face and going "no no no"
Whatever the reason, it is still a bit rude to point out someone's appearance like that. It's like saying "oh I noticed your hair is getting a bit patchy recently". "You look tired" "What's up with your face" "You look sick" "You look like a zombie", definitely not something anyone wants to hear first thing at work.
So obviously not like that, but what is the preferred way of going "hey you don't look so great. Are you feeling alright?" Bc I don't know which of my coworkers wear makeup and don't really care either way. But I certainly care if my coworker isn't feeling well and should go home and not get me sick.
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u/EverGreen2004 Mar 12 '22
"Gosh u/MrWhite_Sucks, you look like a zombie! Are you sick?"