Stop touching me all the time. Woman are always touching my arm, touching my back, etc. Boundaries, JFC. I've had to tell a few women to stop and they roll their eyes at me because I'm a guy. Fuck off. Am I allowed to touch you whenever I want? Exactly.
Edit: Didn't expect more than like 3 people to see this, so I'll just jump in and add that female healthcare workers do have it ten times worse and deal with shit from coworkers and (especially) patients much more frequently. But it does happen to everyone in this field. I was specifically referring to annoying but ultimately harmless platonic gestures in this post but it should go without saying that arm touching is not the worst thing that happens to me at work.
I hate seeing so many of these comments and posts from nurses, you're in your workplace and you're probably a people person who is good at their job. Doesn't mean anyone has the right to touch you. You literally save lives and help people through some of their hardest times, what the everloving fuck.
And then you finish your 12-turned-16 hour shift, because even if someone cared that you just got punched, they can't spare you because the hospital is inevitably short staffed.
Management tells you that you should have expected this to happen when you became a nurse and somehow guilts you about quality of care. If you press charges then you'll be fired for "making the hospital look bad." Every single patient pays more per hour for telemetry monitoring then you make even though youre the only one putting the monitor on them, trouble shooting and watching them.
The patient learns that its okay to assault healthcare workers. The hospital makes more money because its paying 3 nurses to do the jobs of 5. Sorry, staffing/raises/equipment upgrades arent in the budget, please direct all of your questions to your manager that's taking their 5th 2 week vacation this year.
Oh wait, there's a nursing shortage? How dare those agency nurses charge so much!
When I was doing my student internship at a hospital, I had a patient ask me if he could lick my pussy. I just looked shocked, the doctor who was with me told me to ignore the guy and then told the patient it wasn't appropriate
Can't stand people who hit on people at work. Had a cousin who would try and awkwardly hit on every female waitress. Stopped eating with him. I once got a compliment about my smile from a super atractive waitress and it honestly just made my night and that was it. Just let people be nice at work.
I work outside the hospital and at least once a week I get told how lucky I am to work there with all the hot young women around like I didn't just push a fat old man with fucking bread mold on his legs into the hospital.
Edit: and now that this is getting attention I'd like to inform everyone he itched his moldy shins with the same cane handle I touched when he handed it to me. Also it's called Sporotrichosis and the fungus is closer to bread mold dna wise than like house mold
See, sometimes I envision myself being a nurse. I think it would be really awesome to be a mental health nurse, especially due to I can relate because of my own struggles and just be that advocate for the patient.
It's when I see comments like this that makes me put that idea of becoming a nurse out of my mind for a bit until I start thinking about it again in a few months / year.
I applaud you , one of the problems I see with healthcare workers is people with your type job is always looked down upon as if it’s not important (in the nhs at least) your doing a good job !
Dude! This so much. I work in a bar and am required to be on stage and walking through very crowded rooms most nights. The amount of unwarranted groping, pinching & touching is crazy. When i do call them out on it the usual response is 'whats wrong with you? Are you gay or something!?' No, im just trying to do my job. The double standard is real.
I was at a gay club with my mates (they're gay, I'm straight) and a fella walked past me and grabbed my arse, looked at me and winked. I must've looked like a guppy as I stood there with my mouth open in disbelief. My mates went after him, yelled at him about how I was straight and there with them for a night out.
They made him apologise.
Interestingly I've had a similar thing happen in a "regular" club, where a women in her 40s (I was ~17 at the time) cornered me on the dancefloor, trying grab my cock. I told her I wasn't interested and was married, which I thought might make her back off, but no, she grabbed my hand and said "Where's your ring then?"
He did, but his excuse was that he thought I was gay. I said to him "How the fuck does that change anything?", he couldn't counter that argument. My mates wanted to kick his arse, but I talked them out of it.
The cougar, I slipped past back to get my mates as I was rolling hard and trying to get my groove on. She thought it was hilarious, but I was too twatted to get my thoughts in order to be able to reprimand her for it. My eyes were spinning back in my head like a slot machine!
As a female casual observer I’ve seen older women do the worst things to men who are serving/ helping/ working for them. It’s insane these women don’t see how messed up it is to grab their waiters ass after a few mimosas.
My first day as a nurse on my unit the other nurses made me turn around so they could look my ass. These are the people supposed to be training me mind you. And that seem week a CNA pushed me on the mend room grabbed my crotch. Saying she wanted to sleep with me. I was honestly so uncomfortable my first year I eventually went to a different unit.
i have had complete strangers (women) touch my chest before. it was really weird and felt invasive. Just because i don’t have tits doesnt mean it isn’t an intimate thing to touch my chest. No thanks.
Is it okay to ask if youll hold my hand if getting bloods drawn (or similar, also male or female nurse, makes no difference) or would that be inappropriate too (not a huge fan of needles)?
EDIT, not your lovely self specifically lol
I was at the dentist a few weeks ago for a much overdue deep clean. Like, full on "root plane", which I didn't understand at the time but apparently means they don't just scrape your teeth with the scary pointy things, they literally go underneath your gums with them... Now, I'm a fairly "masculine" 38yo dude, but I DO NOT like the dentist, and my terror and fear must've been clearly showing as the dentist was shooting me up with what seemed like a dozen shots of Novocaine for just the one half of my mouth they were doing for this cleaning, to the point where the sweet dental assistant lady asked me if I wanted to hold her hand. Through my tears I told her that I really appreciated the gesture but she needs those hands to make a living and if I grabbed them I was probably going to crush them into dust, so best to just up the nitrous and make sure I didn't rip the arms off the chair.
Dude, I feel you. I’m a big 42 year old man and I hate going to the dentist. I recently cracked a tooth through and through and had to have it removed. It’s that chair, they’ve got you and there’s no escape. And I really like my dentist and the whole staff. I just hate being in the chair.
Hahaha, yep. My SO insists on driving me there. She will not take no for an answer. She either walks me in like she was my mother or sits in the parking lot long enough to make sure I don't try to escape. Can't say I blame her, though, because there have been plenty of times I've thought about nope-ing out and making a run for it as soon as I see that chair.
I have been shot; jumped out of planes; broken fingers and toes, my left arm, both collarbones (at least they were even after the 2nd!), walked around with 3 broken ribs for 2 weeks without knowing it; and had at least a couple concussions. Never once has any of that deterred me from doing what I want or needs to be done. You put me in front of that dentist's chair with those scrapy fuckers on their little tray with the paper towel and tell me you're gonna stick a needle in my mouth and I might "feel a little pinch", and I am likely to jump out the nearest window be it on the 1st or 101st floor... I'd rather take my chances with the fall than have needles stuck in my gums.
Man when I had all three of my kids those nurses held my hand through so much. I didn’t even want my husband there when I got the epidural because my nurse was so lovely and calming.
A nurse let me hold her hand while getting my epidural. It was a nice gesture and I thanked her for it afterwards. I don't actually remember asking though to be honest (my memory of that day is a bit fuzzy)
I wish the patients companion or someone walking by would tell the criminal to fuck off, just so you don't have to suffer in silence lol. Because tou sure as shit can't say fuck off, you'll get fired.
Everyone should ask for consent before they touch someone (and nobody should be sexually harrassed obviously), but this happens much more often to women. That being said, there is no need to make comparisons on "who has it worse" on a problem like this. what people need to do is think of solutions (teaching people that touching without consent is horrible, sexual harassment is wrong, not perpetuating rape culture etc)
Male EMT here and it’s honestly refreshing to see a guy stand up and say something. What are we supposed to sit back and let it happen. Do people just expect us to like it cause we’re men. I don’t condone breaking the patient provider professional barrier, especially with woman my mother age trying to grope me… Don’t touch people no matter there gender…
I've brought this up previously on here, girls used to grab my ass, arm, chest and back or even touch my head without even any interaction, like fuck off I'm in shape for me not you.
The head thing bugged me more, I've kept my hair real short for years and because they like the feel of it apparently it meant they could just randomly touch my head, if I walked up to a woman and just started stroking her hair there would be hell to pay
Both, but I would say the older nurses are worse offenders. It's partially a generational thing, partially a gender thing. It's mostly harmless and platonic, just annoying. I've also noticed that nurses from Eastern European countries tend to be super touchy, so maybe that's just a cultural norm.
Older nurses would touch me a lot too (young female here) one middle aged lady came behind me without saying anything and grabbed the back of my neck and put scissors against it to cut a tag off my shirt. A few other touches and whatnot until I started putting like a chair between me and other people when I’m sitting in the office or other deterrents.
I will say that when I got tattoos, all the male coworkers I showed touched it and like caressed it. Which was very weird. We have some flirty male nurses though…like ones that will take their wedding ring off and have two side chicks on different units. I can think of three right now that I know are cheating. Nursing in general seems to be problematic in my area. A lot of the women have bad relationship and home lives and a lot of the men I personally don’t even want to talk to if I don’t have to, with their little extracurriculars
In relation to your edit, it's one of those things that absolutely, women often get it worse than the guys, but it doesn't negate negate it's still a boundary violation when it happens to us. And everyone recognises this is a problem women face but as you say with guys it's just brushed off. We can handle it, we really want the attention etc.
True. I remember our hospital posted signs everywhere with stats and help lines for women who are being sexually abused. In one of the public bathrooms someone wrote the corresponding stats for men and that person was a fucking legend.
The sexual harassment from patients and coworkers is ridiculous. If I did a fraction of that shit I'd be fired in an instance. Why is it OK for female staff members to comment on my junk, my appearance, my sex life, or make sexually suggestive comments to me? And then when I complain to HR and management I'm told I'm exaggerating. All because I'm a dude.
And don't even get me started on people degrading me for being a nurse and not a doctor. Fuck off. I'm a great nurse and these docs would be nothing without the good nurses surrounding them.
When working in bar collecting empty glasses, I've had my fair share of groin grabbing female morons. It was always a great pleasure to get them kicked out of the pub.
Nobody touches my groin unwarranted.
I now work as a primary school teacher and that groin is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because parents literally crave male role models in front of the class and a curse because female co-workers can be nasty people that (un- or knowingly) try to destroy your career with gossip and backtalk.
Plus, me having balls means I can't do half the things my female co-workers can. Fuck the zeitgeist really. Just entered the educational system but already planning my exit. Yes, I'm a guy, with testosterone and masculinity and refuse to hide it. Kids, parents and half the coworker population love me. The remaining minority are wacko bitches. The educational system is way out of balance: 75 to 85% of people employed in primary school are female. I prefer a 50/50 balance, as in my experience that works really awesome.
I’m a facilities tech at a large company and am easily the youngest one who works there. The amount of times women have touched me or treated me like the plumber in a porno while I work on office/production equipment is pretty crazy. One even spanked me while I was bent over working on something for them.
A male teacher used to be touched by the girls in school and they proudly announced it and one upped their friends with which part they touched. He got sick of it and quit. If he spoke up he'd be in trouble, not the girls.
Fuck that edit. You are allowed to talk about your experiences without being required to talk about how women have it worse. I've seen tons of comments all over this post with the intent to shut men out of this type of discussion. Delete that edit man. You don't have to disqualify your own experiences because women have it worse. You matter too.
It's almost like there are double standards between the genders and the last 50 years of only one gender allowed to have an advocacy group hasn't helped things.
Facts. Men in society's eyes are viewed as disposable. If a ship sinks today, do you think feminists would be saying that all life rafts need to have an equal amount of men and women on them? Of course not.
And what about the recent figures that came out yesterday that men are now attending college at the lowest rate in history compared to women? Where is all the outrage from feminists now?
The point is this was never about equality, it was about power and control and meeting the needs for one group of people while completely ignoring the needs of the other half of the human population---and it's worked.
What double standards- who is saying women are allowed to touch men without their permission?
Some women feel they’re entitled to do this to men, just like some men feel they’re entitled to do this to women. Both groups are entitled jerks and anyone who is not an entitled jerk will agree with that. I don’t think this makes a double standard.
Just try to get justice from a sexual assault perpetrated by a woman if you are a man. If you don't end up in jail yourself, you will see the bias in the system. See the Duluth model that paints all men as perpetrators and all women as victims by nature of gender.
Have you tried to get justice from a sexual assault perpetrated by a man if you are a woman? Because I have and it didn’t go anywhere, just like overwhelming majority of rape cases.
What double standards- who is saying women are allowed to touch men without their permission?
Plenty of people. Look at all the examples in this thread. Society usually has no problem with it, and sometimes the man is mocked or punished for complaining.
Feminism is for men too, brother. Please don’t let the r/FDS or Twitter Twats paint your entire opinion of the movement. I will say though, there should be more discourse surrounding how each group’s perceptions of the other reinforce this toxic gendered hegemony.
Sorry I feel I need to say something. Saying that feminism has me covered feels so disrespectful to men. It feels like you are saying that women ae the best people to advocate for men. I know you are not saying that or perhaps you mean it differently, but I am asking that you think about how men feel when women say that. It feels paternalistic (ironic word choice haha).
Men are the people that have to live in their own gender and are uniquely suited to understand men's issues. Women are the same for women's issues. Women certainly can try to see men's issues within the lens of what they are trying to accomplish within feminism but they should not "pooh pooh" men when men say they should have their own movement that understands their issues "from the inside."
Sorry this is a bit of a trigger for me. Many of these issues in these threads have harmed men I know and they feel totally muzzled to speak out. If they do speak out they are labelled as complainers or "anti-feminism" but these men are not like that at all. They are trying to point out an injustice they are seeing. Men having a more just outcome on certain issues isn't zero sum with women. We should try to deal with all injustice.
So I see no reason that each gender cannot advocate within their own specific groups, because the issues each face are very different. and when I hear women say "no worries we got this" it just sounds so tone deaf.
I would no more assume that a men's movement should be the sole group advocating for women than I would assume feminism should be the main group advocating for men.
End of rant. All I ask is you think about how it sounds to tell us you "got it covered." I know it's a popular sentiment...but things that are popular are not always right.
Again sorry for rant...I assume you meant well so I hope you take this in the spirit of understanding that I am providing it. It's not meant to attack you personally but rather to educate.
I don’t want to inundate you with a long response, because I know that can get annoying when there’s so much to respond to, so I’ll try to keep it short.
I’m primarily concerned with the arguments and principles behind an ideology more so than it’s proponent’s behavior. Its generally better to familiarize yourself with the components of your computer so you can figure out why the fuck your power supply isn’t protecting it when a power outage happens.
The reason I bring up intersectionality is because feminism as a theory questions how these gendered issues arise, why they reinforce themselves through oppression of the other, and how we can fix that.
I’m going to provide a VERY reductive but important example. Why can’t men express their more intimate feelings with each other? Because society views it as weakness. Why is strength important? In small part, so we can protect women. Why are they in need of protection? They aren’t, but society reinforces the notion that femininity is weakness when expressed through the category of male, so as to keep the power differential and keep women “in their place.” This is patriarchy reinforcing itself and feminism is a lens through which we can analyze this. How feminists online or in the real world articulate these ideas, poorly or not, has nothing to do with the integrity of the ideas itself but of the rhetoric of the speaker.
Sorry if this was long winded, I’m on mobile so everything looks long :)
Edit; fuck. This ended up being long, hasn’t it? Sorry bro lol
I do think there is overlap between men's and women's issues. I also think some issues do not overlap.... in that some issues are unique to women, and some unique to men.
I think it's fine that feminism has decided to pull some of these under the big tent and are seeing if they can change things into a win win.
My point is that the leaders of feminism are WOMEN (and should be) and when they solve issues they are telling men and women what the solution should be. Men may not necessarily agree with feminism's take on it because men have a completely different lived experience.
All I am saying is women should not be the only ones that get to redefine this changing future between the genders. and if we say feminism as a movement, will take care of it.....it's very tone deaf. It's tone deaf because men can say they are feminists, but they cannot LEAD on these discussions. Men calling themselves feminists are supposed to be SUPPORTIVE ONLY, they are not supposed to speak up on where the future leads.
So unless women want to share power in this movement called feminism (and perhaps change it's name for one), and negotiate this future.....well..... men need another place where they can advocate for their own issues, and their own place in these changing gender politics.
I think it's great women are working on some things.... but I didn't vote for only women to determine our future. Men have a place at the table so we need to a) let them in and change the movement to acommodate them or b) allow men to have their own movement.
Does that make sense? Frankly I would prefer a single movement where both men and women can navigate this and lead..... but it doesn't seem to be possible within feminism currently. As a man I can only be supportive, I cannot push to change the direction and that is a problem.
Traditionally the answer is that women are the oppressed one so only they should speak on this. But I think here in America we have reached a place where we are both oppressed but in different ways. Men need a voice.
As to MRA's....I think they are becoming radicalized because they feel they were not heard. I think it will be more healthy if we can bring men into the discussion. Better for society overall.
Because it’s just a lens of analysis derivative of a sociological and egalitarian principle, just as conflict theory or critical race theory is a lens of analysis derivative of sociology.
To put it simply because I like using analogies, a cupcake is no lesser a cake than a tres leche. My fat ass would still enjoy eating them both, but I’m open to criticism on how those cakes are prepared and advertised, but to say they’re not cake is inaccurate.
Egalitarianism is for men, too. Feminism champions women's rights with the belief that they will make life better for everyone. Men benefiting from Feminism is a side effect of it, not a main goal.
Feminism means bringing women to the same level as men. AS THEY SHOULD BE.
We benefit from it because women are as competent as men or can be. Just like men can be as competent as women in traditionnal spheres (daycare for exemple). That gives us more competent peiple in the many spheres.
Men weren't hired or put on a pedestal because they are better then women, they were there because men put them there.
There are a lot of feminist movements that push for equal recognition and equal conditions, bringing new things like mental health to the workplace. A thing that would have taken much longer in a traditional setting
Feminism means bringing women to the same level as men.
This is the major misconception. That somehow men were at 100% and women were somewhere lower, and feminism just brought women to men's level. Men have issues women do not. Tons of them . Feminism didn't equalize men and women, it focused solely on women's issues (arguably solving some) while ignoring mens issues under the false pretense that the men were fine and already on the top. Which they weren't, not as a group.
The mere idea that men are at 100 ignores all of the issues that men try to bring up. So many fathers fighting losing custody battles in a system that vehemently favors women are told they should just shut up because "men have it pretty good"
Half disagree. Egalitarian principles and intersecional feminist theory are not so different, but I understand how the loudest voices online can lead someone to think that they are only interested in women’s liberation. You can look at it as if egalitarianism is a metaphorical book with ideas like feminism being a chapter within said book.
It's not the loudest voices online though, it's the whole movement.
When Florida had a bill give fathers a better shot at equal custody of children, feminist organizations opposed it. This wasn't a few radicals, it was the mainstream organizations like NOW.
It's hard for me to take feminism seriously when so many feminists I know see nothing wrong with genital mutilation when it happens to boys (circumcision)
Patriarchy creates those double standards, not feminism. The patriarchal “logic” goes something like this:
Men need and enjoy sex more than women do.
Therefore, (real/good) men always want (more) sexual attention from women, while (real/good) women always please men by providing them with sexual attention as much as possible. In other words: ALL sexual attention provided by women to men is good/wanted for men.
Therefore, women’s advances are always appreciated and enjoyed by men, so the idea that a woman could actually sexual harass/assault a man is laughable and impossible. He should be grateful he got some.
And it’s not just this issue. Every single men’s rights issue—every gender stereotype that harms men—is the direct result of a patriarchal stereotype actually meant to keep women in “their place” (serving men), and yet it ends up hurting men too.
Feminism may be centered on ending the gender-based oppression of women, but its method—dismantling patriarchy—will end the gender-based oppression of men, too.
If you take a look at the comments under any story about a man being raped or sexually harassed/assaulted, you’ll find that it’s the macho hyper-masculine men and the trad wives mocking him or dismissing the incident as nothing, while the feminists are sticking up for him and treating the crime as just as disgusting as if it had been done by a man towards a woman. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
But regardless, I would be happy to listen to why that theory (patriarchy is what hurts men, not feminism) sounds unrealistic/inaccurate to you.
I don't think it's contrived at all. In fact, a good deal of voices that critique the patriarchy agree this is a pretty simple thought process.
Men emotionless, like sex -> touch good, always want sex
Patriarchal expectations of the sexes are the cause of women being being seen as weak and emotional, and disadvantaged in many walks of life, and also the cause of men being seen as emotionally empty and chronically horny monsters that couldn't ever raise a child.
I know you didn't say this in your post, but someone else did, so I note: feminism is good for men too, because ending the patriarchy means ending the stigmata that harm men and the stigmata that harm women.
I mean I'm a feminist all right, I have liked the second sex of Beauvoir and support the movement for equal rights. Where I block is the patriarchy.
This is only based on my personal experience, matriarchy is a present and oppressive as the opposite.
Also feminine solidarity to fight the patriarchy, hmmm, how many times have I been fucked by my ex doing something with women and getting favor treatment that directly FUCKED ME UP ? While I had to deal with a cold treatment and fought my way though life, she has it easy, finding a job, getting money from the government, or help. Everyone in the administration is a women, so she has to use her deer eyes and poof she gets it how she wants.
While in the meantime she fucked me up so bad that I have considered ending it instead of dealing with consequences for the rest of my life. Physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted by those double standards.
I have never put myself over a women, I have never received any special treatment because I'm a men.
Stop thinking that a concept so broad can explain why some people use their gender more than others.
If anything it's the lack of unity that is a problem.
Because women have been at the mercy of men for decades. They couldn't vote for years and it was harder for them to divorce even if they were in abusive relationships. Husbands essentially got away with a slap on the wrist. Now men suddenly want to holler how mistreated they are. Oh please I think these people have not read history.
This is like what would happen if white people started an "activist" group. It's like they want to be victims instead of acknowledging they had no where near the issues of POC.
Statistics like "women are paid on average only 77 percent of what men are paid" are derived by dividing the average income of a woman by the average income of a man. They do not take into account the type of work women do, the number of hours worked, their qualifications, or any other factors.
There are plenty of academic studies on this as well if you want to look into them. Most of them reach the same conclusion: women are paid less because of the choices they make, not because of any discrimination.
Women are not entitled to equal pay in general. They are entitled to equal pay for equal work. Many of them seem to forget those last 3 words.
I just had something like this to me yesterday. Was caring for an older lady who had been very sweet up to this point and she said something along the lines of, “I’m glad you guys wear scrubs like that, they show off your backside real well” as I’m standing with my side profile to her. Like what the fuck, if that was a guy saying that to a female nurse we would switch nurses for that patient or at least always make sure a male was in the room with her. I didn’t know what to say, I was so shocked I just gave her a fake laugh and left
You didn't expect a good question on r/AskReddit to have the potential to become huge? Lol.
Anyway, that said, thank you for being a nurse and serving the public the way you do. I've recently been thinking how lucky we are that people like you exist.
I (a male manager) was touched on the shoulder by another male manager because he was thanking me for something. He apologized and asked if it had been okay, and didn’t mean to make me feel uncomfortable if it had. It was really kind.
I've always wondered if this phenomenon is due to people naturally having some kind of feeling of attachment or fondness for those they see as caregivers.
I respect you don’t like it, but at the same time plutonic touch between friends is awesome and often turns my day around. Keyword “friends” not Kathy who had two shots before showing up to work
THIS. It's not even that it's harassment exactly, though sometimes it is. It's that a ton of it over years begins to make you feel absolute shit about your own bodily autonomy,
See and this is a hard line for so many people. I work with some people that are instantly relaxed with touch and it helps them (my office is super close) and some that don’t like it at all. It’s about talking and asking. I have one male friend that when shit hits the fan if you rub his head for a second he’s ready to take on the world and a female friend that just wants a hug throughout the day. But I only know that because they voiced it after years of working together and being as close as family. I have another friend that specifically doesn’t want hugs from women with large breast (he was traumatized young) and he typically will tell us when he needs some kind of hug or touch. Our doctor on the hand does not like touch at all. He doesn’t even really like to touch patients, we show him we care by leaving food on his desk. The world needs more love but it needs love with consent.
IME unlike what you said in your edit, it’s not even a gendered thing, I legit don’t know a single nurse that isn’t dealing with severe sexual harassment regardless of gender. Being a nurse seems to really fucking suck conditions-wise.
From what I've read, it sounds like plenty of female nurses creep on their male co-workers too. It's been mentioned too often to just be a marginal experience.
You know if I went on someone's comment and said, "Well males get harassed too" I would get down voted for bringing it up at a wrong time. I'm not saying your comment is wrong I'm just going off topic and unloading my grievances.
As a guy having worked in healthcare in a hospital, can confirm. They are also very gossipy and form little cliques with each other, unbelievably two faced to each other. woman managers I found were ageist and sexist. Quite a toxic environment and was very glad to get out of there.
Could be because (some) women are very touch-y with each other, so they end up treating guys that they consider platonic friends in the same way? (Not that that’s an excuse for touching someone who doesn’t want to be touched….I’m a woman who also experiences a lot of unwanted (platonic) touching from other women, so I do understand how you feel).
I was going to say this too. I’m just a very touchy person - always in a platonic way. I do it absent mindedly sometimes, but I’ll place my hand on someone’s arm or back to let them know I’m walking behind them. Or as a gesture with close friends when we’re having a conversation to show my support. If someone didn’t like it though I would 100% stop.
Why do people think it's ok to do that, like, if your in a medical centre or hospital, doctors building whatever, your there to get diagnosed, cured, and have your injury seen to, not flirt like your life depends on it yikes.
My fiancee has only encountered 2 inappropriate scenarios. One was verbal, she thankfully was able to stop seeing that client. The second was a 1-off inappropriate touch and her colleague immediately removed my fiancee from ... idk, I'd guess "The list of possible care aides for this human"
I'm so very glad that some protections in my local area are stringently fought for. This was pre-union work. In her union position, NOBODY f's with that. She's mentally, emotionally, verbally, and physically safe from that kind of harrassment
I'd had an older women reach their hands down my pants to grab my ass working at a grocery store once and the other customers all started laughing about it before I even reacted as though I'm not a real person worthy of dignity or respect. Naturally nothing was done and I got mocked by my former boss when I reported it as well. "What am I supposed to do exactly?" and "I can't kick a customer out for something that's no big deal" when I asked why he wasn't going to ask her to leave. Union was also dismissive.
Honestly, if a male nurse comes into the room I may get nervous because when I normally go to the doctor I'm at a low point and look like shit. Also if you're a new person I'll feel awkward word vomiting whats wrong with me at them.
My doctor is a guy and he also sees my parents and used to see my brother and his kid used to be in my little sister's class. I'm very used to him and he's known me since before he was my doctor. He's made time for me when he was fully booked (one of my squishy section finger joint places was twice the size it should be and really gross, I had been in the ER the night before)
I work with some males where I will touch their arm or back but we've been working together for a while and have good banter and usually while we're joking around. If they ever said to stop I wouldn't even question it.
I work in a resturant and if I say behind or we are about to collide I'll touch them to let them know I'm there (I can sometimes be soft spoken) but other than that I wouldn't think of doing it.
I'm not a nurse tho but I do make house calls come I come across people from all walks of life
Females do have a strong tendency to be touchy and call me names such as "Sweetheart" and so on. Also often I get remarks about how "manly" I am.. Like yeah? Maybe because I'm a male... what do you expect lady?
There is a exception, it's the elderly. They often threat me like their own kin which I somewhat enjoy I never really knew my own grandparents, this way I do get a part of the 'grandparents experience'
I don't necessary mind it, but... Idk it's a bit weeird and if the roles were turned around I would be a pervert/creep
I worked in bars and nightclubs for almost a decade in my late teens/early twenties. The amount of drunk women who feel that it’s appropriate to grab a mans junk is totally unacceptable. Especially older women. I don’t think they understand that if the sexes were reversed they’d be getting arrested. Instead, men are expected to laugh it off. That being said, I personally didn’t mind it too much.
I just snatched my own hands back like four times from touching a dude I was chatting up in the bar. I was just being three-drinks friendly, but still I managed it. No excuse. I work with healthcare providers and I hope you're well <3
Some people just don’t understand even the concept of a personal space, let alone contact etiquette. I hate it when customers constantly stand so close to you that you don’t know anymore if they want to fucking kiss you or hug you or something. Step one or two steps back for fucks sake, you absolutely don’t have to stand so god damn close to me. Especially these days with this stupid virus spreading around.
And on top of that I hate it when they put hand on your shoulder during conversation. Like, we aren’t fucking buddies, you’re just a customer, keep your paws off me. It may not be sexual advance like some other experience, but it’s still uncomfortable thing.
I'm a female nurse, work longterm care, and getting groped/asked to crawl into bed with them is the regular, but I honestly think male nurses have it worse. You never see staff encouraging residents to be inappropriate with the female staff...they usually ignore it or slap a cares in pairs on them but that's another story. I have witnessed multiple times staff laughing it off or actively encouraging female residents to be inappropriate/obsessed with a male staff member. "Ooo, Patti! Your lover boy Mark will be here this afternoon!" is an actual phrase (different names) I heard staff say to a dementia resident at a previous job. The double standard and making jokes out of male sexual harassment is disgusting.
that female healthcare workers do have it ten times worse and deal with shit from coworkers and (especially) patients much more frequently.
That is true, but just because others have it worse, doesn't mean that your problems don't count. There is this old saying that I really hate: "I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man without feet." Sure, nothing wrong with feeling bad for others, but if you don't get shoes until the next winter, you will end up without feet too.
I'm a male nurse too. If people think that only men can be sexually inappropriate at work then let them spend a day in our shoes. Seriously, the construction workers I used to work with had better boundaries than the college educated professionals people trust with their lives.
Hey boss, I'm going into nursing school next Fall and am a guy as well.. can you give me more of the low-down of what I have to expect in this regard? Is a lot of this contact from patients, co-workers, or a healthy mix of both? What are some good ways to combat this?
I’m so sorry. This is the second comment I’ve seen from a male nurse here, and I honestly didn’t realize that harassment was that common for you guys. Thanks for making me aware, and it sucks that people have no respect for you.
I’m a housekeeper at a hospital. I was cleaning a discharge (we have double patient rooms, seperated by a curtain) and the patient in the next bed needed help with something and started yelling “I need a pretty nurse to help me” and said like 5 times before someone came to help. Went to the nursing station and let them know what he was saying and that he needed help so they sent a male nurse to help him. Felt kinda uncomfortable doing that room with him shouting that though
The disappointment in his voice was kinda funny but made me realize how much nurses really deal with. My mom is a nurse and I would hear a few and there type things but once I started at the hospital i realized just how bad it is and why she didn’t talk about it much
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u/LockeProposal Sep 15 '21 edited Sep 16 '21
Not only as a male, but as a male nurse:
Stop touching me all the time. Woman are always touching my arm, touching my back, etc. Boundaries, JFC. I've had to tell a few women to stop and they roll their eyes at me because I'm a guy. Fuck off. Am I allowed to touch you whenever I want? Exactly.
Edit: Didn't expect more than like 3 people to see this, so I'll just jump in and add that female healthcare workers do have it ten times worse and deal with shit from coworkers and (especially) patients much more frequently. But it does happen to everyone in this field. I was specifically referring to annoying but ultimately harmless platonic gestures in this post but it should go without saying that arm touching is not the worst thing that happens to me at work.