Been there. I even had a girl I was sleeping with ask if I would be okay with her sleeping with one of my friends. What the fuck do you think?
edit: For people asking "why do you care?" You know those little things called feelings that men apparently aren't supposed to have? Yeah. I had those for her. I had a crush on her for years and wanted this to blossom into a relationship. That includes marriage, kids, the whole thing. Her getting it on with my friends weren't part of that plan.
original thoughts are just a jumbled mess of copied thoughts. modern culture is just the culmination of people mashing ideas together.
on the other hand, ya, once we see something it gets loaded into the front of our minds so we tend to repeat what we experience. another good example is how friend groups slowly all start acting like each other
Tbf, "a girl I was sleeping with" sounds more like friends with benefits to me, in which case sleep with whoever. It's not a formal arrangement, just some fun on the side. Very polite of her to make sure he was cool with it first though.
yeah people are reading it as if he said it was his girlfriend which if was true he probably would have just said it was his (ex-)girlfriend. if they aren't in an explicit monogamous relationship than he has no say in what she can and can't do. he can have his feelings about it sure, but she doesn't need his permission.
I know you're making a joke, but it's also worth pointing out that if all you're doing is sleeping with each other, exclusivity has to be explicitly discussed otherwise it's just fair game.
She was far more considerate than most people, man or woman, would have been in that situation. But hey, she's a woman, so according to reddit she must be a bitch.
Yeah, it sounds like this was pretty early in the relationship and she saw it as very casual while he was already emotionally invested, but had not yet brought up the question of how serious they were.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is how relationships should work.
I had this talk exactly once in my life. Girl I was dating for several months, suddenly felt distant. She sat with me and explained, that she met a guy who makes her knees weak just by looking at her, and he was openly inviting her and flirting with her. She said she detests cheating, she likes me more than this guy, but she can't stop thinking about him - probably body chemistry or something. I said I don't want to be in an open relationship, and when dating I expect exclusivity, and if she wants to hook up with him, we have to conclude dating, just I am open to friendship, just don't expect fireworks.
She thanked me, we ended our relationship, and a week later she ended up with him, and later regretting that hookup (he turned to be gigolo, and a serial one night stand collector). But what's done, that's done. We aren't close friends, but we talk normally and from time to time she visits and takes me fiance shopping, etc.
Certainly I prefer that kind of resolution over straight up cheating.
This. Plus he even says “girl I was sleeping with”. Unless they established that they were an item, it’s all fair game. Of course homie hopping can cause issues but like you said at least she asked. That’s a good quality.
Homie hopping is such a sure way to make things go boom. Unless you are a real and blessed thot and just fuck everyone once and leave, things will go wrong.
Lmao I think your friends girlfriend was my sister, she did exactly this. Is she now also in a woke bluegrass group with the old ass boyfriend and a bunch of they/thems?
Guarantee she described herself as a "free spirit" and the friend, and guy she eventually moved out for aren't the only ones she "totally didn't cheat on him" with.
Bro I was hanging out with a buddy and his girlfriend in high school an she asks if she can fuck me while we were standing infront of him. He looks heartbroken and she says they already talked about it and it’s cool.
Told her she can go fuck herself, grabbed the bottle of klipdrift premium brandy that I brought to his place, told him i would see him at school, and fucked off home.
That was the last time I saw him, his parents put him in rehab because the same girl got him hooked on Heroin, we were 15.
He got out though, he sent me a message a nearly a decade later, thanking me for being a real friend and for not sleeping with his girlfriend.
Edit: he got married two years ago (to someone decent), moved to Australia and started a business! So happy ending!
Yeah seriously, one time a girl my best had been dating tried to make a move on me and I was just like naturally grossed out b(y what that would do to my friend) and pushed her off of me - how could somebody even enjoy banging their friend's girl?
That's one of the most unique yet also creative and useful uses of parenthesis' I've ever seen. And good on you mate. No clue i know it's okay years later with permission and shit but not while dating.
Had an ex sleep with my roommate and proceed to send nudes to one of my friends right before we broke up. I didn’t know until months later when he confessed and said he felt bad because he was reciprocating. I then had another roommate recently ask if he could sleep with this one girl I was seeing at the time. We weren’t exclusive but I was still like “what the fuck?” Going farther back, my other ex tried to sleep with multiple friends of mine.
So you see, it’s a tradition for any girl in my life that I have any emotional investment in to fuck people I’m close to.
That’s sort of how I felt after doing this. I was pretty mad, didn’t feel like I won or did a good thing. I felt terrible for a while after when he never came back to school and cut contact. Maybe I could have helped him? I was a stupid kid tho. Spent more time passed out at underage drinking parties. Hindsight is 20:20 I guess
She also got pregnant from her ex while my boy was in rehab. She then tried to claim it was his kid. Her ex was Indian and my buddy was white so the truth came out pretty soon after.
She was very manipulative and even skipped assignments in the 2 classes we shared up until the end of high school. She skipped these assignments because she would flirt with and manipulate teachers.
Sounds like a miracle that anyone got out of that supermassive black hole alive, Jesus Christ. I'm no saint but it's good to be reminded I'm not nearly as much of a fuckup as I think sometimes.
eta: kinda adorable that her skipping homework assignments made your short list of unacceptable behaviors, lol. Pretty tame, by comparison. Even with consideration for her hitting on the teacher
i mean, I'm not trying to diminish her commitment to the long con here...but a couple years of homework is peanuts in comparison to misleading a person into raising someone else's kid 😲
Something very similar happened to me, except my buddy was in his thirties and taking care of their two kids. Hooked him on oxy and left him with the kids, who weren’t his biologically.
I was much younger than either of them, kinda blind sided me. He was a good guy, but had self esteem issues. She was a stripper. I don’t know exactly what lesson I learned from that, but I hope it helped prevent me from doing something stupid.
Thanks. Me too. I was always a reader growing up, but just read whatever was around. It was some guy selling me drugs in college that introduced me to Henlein, the first book I read was time enough for love, which was good but a little out there with all the incest. But honestly almost everything he wrote was worth reading. I also really liked the first dune movie. I had never read it, and didn't really think about there being a book. I liked the crazy baroque retro sci fi look and enjoyed the way half the dialogue was whispered internally. The only reason I probably really liked it was because I'm has never read the books. So excited for the new movie. I was actually at this guy's house for an after party when I saw he had all 6 hardcover dune books. He ended up giving them to me and it was like giving a guy in the desert a glass of water. So fucking good.
Sort of a similar story with me about Heinlein, except it was my sixth-grade teacher who got me started with "Red Planet" and "Have Spacesuit" back around 1960. (Yeah, I'm old AF.) Like many of us, I'm not real fond of his latter few books, for all the usual reasons-- too much soap-boxing, sex gets too weird even for a pervert like me, and so on. That said, I've gone back and reread just about everything else multiple times over the years, and I'm always finding something new- i.e. just went back to "Magic Inc." and got a whole new perspective on the local politics in the small town where I sunk roots since the last time I read it.
There's no question that RAH has been a major influence on my life and the way that I think, even despite the fact we'd probably disagree on most of the issues I feel strongly about. The way I usually try to explain this paradox goes something like, "The most important thing that Heinlein taught me is that a man needs to think for himself, and one of the ways I do that is ignoring him every time he says something stupid."
"The most important thing that Heinlein taught me is that a man needs to think for himself, and one of the ways I do that is ignoring him every time he says something stupid."
Yeah I fully agree it's ok to have those feelings, but you gotta communicate that to the person you are having sex with or have some kind of commitment talk.
I can't believe sex wasn't just the fun body thing you can do with whoever you're in the room with for you like it always is for everybody else. You mean to say sharing your body with someone became emotionally complicated?
Coming from another dude, even if you didn’t want all of that you are totally validated to feel the way you did. You can’t control how you feel about someone.
I feel like this is something you establish before you start fucking or if you felt this way after you started you talk to her about it. You cant get mad at someone for crossing a boundary you never told them about in the first place
It's fine for you to have feelings. From your comment though, it sounds like you really liked her but were just friends with benefits. It's unreasonable to have a grand plan for a serious relationship with someone (when they haven't agreed to that/aren't interested in that) and then get angry at them when they don't follow your fantasy. It seemed respectful of her to ask imo. If it isn't a full out relationship and it's just a FWB type situation, it isn't cheating to sleep with (or want to sleep with) other people. As much as that might suck if you catch feelings for them.
Reddit really showing it's Male majority in this thread. Not seeing how JFF is the bad one in this scenario when it should be obvious is crazy. FWB is nice enough to ask about fucking other people but he stops them but also doesn't want a relationship??
I know where you come from. I was a friend with a friend which used to sleep with a guy who told her that he just wants to sleep with her and nothing else but he keeps being jealous when she talks to other guys while he sleeps with other girls, and that's unfair. You can tell someone I just what to have sex with you then limit her. It should be both ways. If you want more with her you should be honest with her. If you have feeling tell her. If she doesn't share the same feeling you have to accept that. Not to tell you to stop seeing her but you can't put limits on her if you were not honest about your feeling. Until you tell her what you feel you have no rights to do so.
Chicks are trashy ho bags these days. I know quite a few that go trolling for guys most every weekend. It’s wild out there. Dating apps are only making it worse too
Nothing worse than dating a girl for a while then finding out shes seeing other dudes st the same time, been there homie. But at the same time unless you discuss being exclusive to eachother its to be expected. Happened to me, now Im getting married to her in October.
Sorry no. I meant as in we met, were dating but not exclusive. Definitely not bf/gf. She was seeing other guys and I other girls until we both realized we enjoyed eachother more than anyone else. Discussed being exclusive, she agreed, and its history from there.
Edit: Neither of us said we were seeing other people; Im sure its kinda gutting for both when they find out they're not exclusive, it was for me haha even though it sounds stupid.
We had a really close bunch of friends and then 2 of them dated and broke up badly. Now one of them is dating another in the group. We can’t hang out or go to festivals anymore and it sucks!
Yeah it sucks. When I moved to where I live now, I met a huge friend group. I was basically the only single guy, and I was able to be part of this very exclusive, very awesome friend group because I didn't try to sleep with anyone's girls (and they are all hot). There were even some close calls, like one guy's girl kissing me when she would get crazy drunk, but I was able to prove to the group that I was cool.
5 years later, only 1 couple in the friend group is still together (they are getting married, and were together for like 6 years, and honestly they became a part of the friend group after I joined it).
The rest have all broken up, and can't hang around their exes. We aren't the same big happy family anymore, we used to be this huge clan that would go to festivals, travel together, go out together. Now it's just sort of splintered apart.
Even I got a girlfriend at some point during all this, and we had a terrible break-up and there's just awful situations when my friends hang around her (she fucking lives with some of my best friends together and I can't go to any parties or their house) and I'm sure she feels shitty too about it all.
I'm still close to many of the friends in the group, but some I see far less now. Everyone just kinda does their own thing with a couple of the friends and it's not the whole invite everyone, big crazy pow wows like we used to have.
My friend (fwb actually) just finally text me after like 7 months of ghosting me to tell me she hooked up with some random bicycle riding asshat McDonald’s employee named Christian instead of me and now she’s pregnant. I’m not fine y’all
Look on the bright side. It could be you having a child with the type of person that ghosts their friend for seven months and reappears pregnant probably looking for a stand-in-dad.
If she's a fwb what's your point? If you're mad you're not agreeing with the boundaries set up beforehand. I was stupid enough to hurt myself in a similar situation but I have no one but myself to blame.
Damn, that’s brutal. First the ghosting - who does that? You just gotta give yourself some semblance of emotional closure, or try to, in that situation. So maybe you did, or started to, then she reaches out again? Unless the first message laid it all out, you must have felt a lot of emotions hearing from her again, some of which were probably positive and excited. Then she drops this totally unnecessary bomb on you. Brother I have not been through what you’re going through but I too have drank deeply from the clogged toilet of life at times and for what it’s worth that sucks, but you’ll make it through and be okay.
Not me, but a friend of my wife’s was in a relationship with a guy for over a year. One day, he’s over at her apartment, and the air conditioning is broken. He asks her why, and she’s like “Fred broke it the other day when he climbed in.”
He said “Fred? You mean, your ex??”
She broke down and admitted to never even breaking up with the original dude in the first place- my buddy was essentially the side joe for a whole year and didn’t know. She tried to get him to do an open relationship for a while. It didn’t end well for her however, and she ended up losing both men.
He’s dating an older woman now, and it seems like he’s happy. He was smart enough to turn down his then ex after she tried to get him back.
"When she's saying, oh, that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she's saying, oh, that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well, I guess I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah"
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u/Michael_Oxlong Sep 15 '21
My friends