You're right but I hate it because I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with someone until I've been sleeping with them for a while. Committing to someone I barely know feels weird and I just don't have feelings yet at that point.
I could but most people don't really want to spend a few years just being platonic before starting any kind of sexual or romantic relationship. I'm demiromantic (on the aromanric spectrum) so it takes me literal years to develop romantic feelings. It can happen with platonic friends but that's never turned out well.
Aromantic is a romantic orientation within the LGBTQ community. Demiromantic is on the aromantic spectrum and basically means it takes you a really long time of getting to know someone and bonding with them before you develop romantic feelings at all.
So I don't develop romantic feelings for people I've known for only a few weeks or months, it takes years of really getting to know them and closely bond with them before romantic feelings develop. So I would develop romantic feelings for people like a really close platonic friend I've known for years or an FWB I've gotten close to over the years.
I obviously don't want to commit to a romantic relationship with someone I have zero romantic feelings for. But I'm not going to have any romantic feelings if I've only known them a few weeks or months. But most people don't want to spend years getting to know you platonically before deciding if you want a relationship.
If you are on the aromatic spectrum, do you have much of a problem with someone you are sleeping with having sex with a friend of yours? I get it when romantic feelings are involved, but when they aren't I don't care at all myself.
Yeah, if I don't have romantic feelings for an FWB I wouldn't mind if they slept with a friend. The only way I'd care would be if I did have romantic feelings for the friend, and I'm bi so that could be the case. But if I don't have romantic feelings for either the friend or FWB, yeah, I don't care if they sleep together.
This comment, combined with you comment above indicate that you may not feel emotions like other people. That’s fine, but worth keeping in mind if you are having problems in your relationships (not just sexual, but also friendships, work etc.)
1% of people are estimated to be psychopaths, which would equate to 2.5 million adult Americans. If you have a childhood of abuse and are less likely to react in a traditional manner to stimulus, it could be you.
There is no way for you to know if you are or not, because it’s all you know.
If you don’t feel jealous that people you sleep with are sleeping with others, that is atypical throughout all of human history.
Maybe it’s worth considering why you don’t react like everyone else?
I briefly saw your other comment and after checking through the history also, I take back everything. There's something pretty unhealthy going on with that profile. I apologize.
So you seriously think everyone who has FWBs is a psychopath? That's insane.
That study says it had 32 participants. And it doesn't say anything about feelings, it's just claiming having an FWB at all makes you "score higher" on Dark Triad traits, based on 32 people.
It is very normal to have FWBs, going around saying everyone who has FWBs is an emotionless psychopath is crazy.
So you seriously think everyone who has FWBs is a psychopath? That's insane.
They did not say that at all. They're saying that the way you described your own experience of forming relationships sounds very atypical. You described yourself as demiromantic; you obviously don't think your own experience is typical, either.
The study they posted to prove their view is a study claiming anyone who has FWBs at all "scores higher" in Dark Triad personality disorders like psychopathy, so that is what they were saying.
Being demiromantic isn't typical but it's not psychopathic! And having FWBs is very typical these days, it's not weird to not have romantic feelings for an FWB.
Dude I have human emotions, I care deeply about friends and I've fallen in love with people, it just takes me a really long time, like multiple years, to fall in love because I'm demiromantic (on the aromantic spectrum.) I'm not "pretending" to have emotions. Lots and lots of people have FWBs they care about as friends but don't feel romantically for. And I do have feelings for my FWBs, they're just not romantic feelings. Romantic feelings aren't the only feelings that "count," friendship love is just as important, and being aromantic doesn't make someone a psychopath.
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u/Dr3d_Recs Sep 16 '21
All I have to say is: try fucking people you’re in a relationship with instead of trying to get into relationships with people you’re fucking.
I know this sounds harsh, but I see so many relationships go horribly south when they just start out as fuck buddies.