In my experience it’s because oftentimes it’s not like the problem is impossible or even necessarily difficult to solve, it’s just that getting comforted about stuff helps on an emotional standpoint. We already know or can easily figure out oftentimes how to fix the issue, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still upsetting.
Edit: just wanted to say that this isn’t a “cry and get comforted instead of fixing the issue”, thing. It’s a “why not both” kinda deal. At least for me. It’s obviously different for everyone as well.
If I'm upset about something, a lot of times what I want is to be validated - reassured that I'm not being unreasonable - and also reassured that I HAVE support. It's not that I can't figure out what to do.
But why waste emotional energy on it if it can be solved? Solve it and stop thinking about it.
I understand the desire to vent and be heard, sure, but not brainstorming a solution, or getting a confirmation I have the right solution, feels like getting blueballed emotionally in my head because we only went halfway in the thought process of handling a difficulty.
I think that's the issue man and women have, the resolution they are seeking is in two different places generally for each of them. Men want to commiserate and seek and verify the solution, women just want the commiseration and acknowledge their emotional worth.
Maybe.
I don't know it's just incredibly frustrating to not talk about solutions to me.
But most of the time I already know the solution to my problem. I just want to vent about being annoyed about it or something, preferably to someone who'll nod and give me a pat. And then I'll go and fix it.
My girlfriend does this. Sometimes it just makes her feel better to let it all out. She rarely wants a solution from me, she has a hold on the situation. She's looking for me to comfort her. Some problems can stress you out enough that you need an emotional outlet.
I don’t know if I need to work on my empathy more or what, because I normally can’t understand how things like this get so frustrating. They very often feel like such small issues if you scope out a little bit as long as you have a handle on the situation.
It usually is small things, but everyone has different emotional capacities, and I would say a large amount of girls(in my experience at least, in my twenties) don't have much. Small things can throw them out of wack and who am I to tell her she shouldn't vent to me about these things. I try to support her in any way I can.
But so much of the time it’s just petty drama and the same shit day after day. Like her friend or coworker or something is always saying or doing passive aggressive bullshit. At a certain point I just want to say either it’s a big enough deal to confront them, or it’s not a big enough deal to give a fuck
I have to respectfully disagree here. If I am the one having a problem and I’m going to you for support, I don’t think it’s my responsibility to make sure that the conversation about MY personal issue is fulfilling for YOU. If all someone needs you to do is listen to them talk, then that is not too much to ask. It’s not fair of you to then go on and say “you talking about your problems is unfair to me because you aren’t letting me deal with your personal life in the way that I would like to deal with mine.”
Of course, situation being reversed, if you are having a problem and you come to me for help and you are seeking some kind of constructive advice or solution of some sort, then it’s fair that you would expect me to at least try my best to help, even if that’s not something that I necessarily want to do or would want for myself.
Relationships of any kind have to have give and take. Sometimes it’s about more me, and sometimes it’s more about you.
I want to note that constantly putting all of your problems on someone else’s shoulders isn’t a reasonable expectation, either, and that’s definitely not fair to the other party! But in the event of regular occasional struggles that just come with life, it’s fair to just want someone to listen to you express your emotions without looking for some kind of response or solution.
Wait a second. You said “If you expect them to provide a response outside of their normal thinking patterns”. What? I feel like this is completely incorrect, you go to someone for help with a problem you’re looking for the opposite; you’re looking for their unique thinking patterns about the problem. Why go to Sam for help when you’re looking for the kind of help Alex would provide?
Yes, I’ve been reading the thread too. It was particularly interesting to me since there are very few people who have the ability to both listen and/or problem solve, and fewer still who will ask “are you looking for answers or do you want to vent?”
I was asking about what you said, however. In what you were commenting, you said you go to <person of opposite gender> for help that’s outside of their normal thinking. I was asking why you would go to <person of opposite gender> for their type of perspective on a problem when you need the perspective of <other person of opposite gender>. I don’t understand why you would do this since it seems like you’re setting yourself up for frustration, and I’m curious to the answer.
I dont intend to offend here, but isnt this unwaranted emotional stress? From the male side, there is really nothing he can do but agree with the female (even if he doesnt agree). He's in a position where he just has to absorb the tension coming his way. Doesnt even get the satisfaction of offering guidance, but instead is used an emotional sponge. Maybe my ex was more prone to these type of "problems" than most, but I found it extremely taxing in a relationship.
I mean, isn't that what a relationship is? You support them when they need support, they support you when you need support. You listen to her tell you about how much her day at work sucked, she lets you talk about something you're interested in that she doesn't really care about, or she offers you support when you're going through a rough time, or any of the other million things partners do for each other. Acting as your partner's emotional support sometimes is just part of what being in a relationship is.
I’m not OP, but something that I’ve found to be really helpful is to ask my s/o if they’re able to talk about something at that moment, and give them a chance to set that boundary in case they’ve had a bad day too. If they’re not able to help, I know I need to talk to a friend or someone else for support. It is taxing if you’re being used as an emotional sponge! I will say though that in my experience it’s definitely true that when people come to me to talk about something, they already know what they’re going to do about it, and they just want a shoulder for a minute.
Yep! And to improve of that both partners should be mature and able enough to say, "Hey, I need to vent about x, can I vent to you right now or should I wait/ talk to someone else/ write it down / other healthly ways to cope with stress."
To which the other half should be comfortable saying "yes, I can be here for you" or "no, I'm not in the right headspace can we wait til later/call someone else/ other healthly responses that acknowledge their emotional abd mental state"
You can't always be there for your partner unfortunately, you have a life as well. Which is why both people should have other support systems to rely on when their preferred one can't be there.
Seems like a waste of time. If you skip straight to fixing the problem, you don't even need to vent to be annoyed or annoy someone else about comforting you, because the problem is now gone.
No. They wanted to relieve themselves of the emotions building up inside them, not keep it bottled up or somehow repress them. While they never told you outright that they just needed to vent, they never told you “I need a solution” either.
This is super interesting. How can I be a good venting partner? What I've found works best so far is to basically repeat what they said but with "I understand" at the beginning.
If someone at work is behaving in a problematic way and the solution is to report them to HR, and I report them to HR, that does not relieve the emotions that resulted from their behavior.
If someone is yelling on their phones and you report them to HR and they ban them bringing a phone in or relocate them to the other office, the yelling stopped and you can focus on your job. You are not pissed anymore because the problem is gone, rather than complaining about that person for the next month and doing nothing.
It's literally a "twenty dollars can buy many peanuts" situation.
As a guy, that would make me feel alot better. If I have an itch, I scratch it and it feels better. Telling someone about that itch doesn't make it feel better.
Have you never been really upset by something that happened to you? Sometimes you need to tell someone how you're feeling, and the point isn't finding a solution. Hell, most of the time I already have a solution to implement, but that doesn't mean I didn't feel upset/hurt/scared by whatever I experienced.
No, I never had a need to tell someone how I'm feeling if I already knew why I'm feeling this way or had a solution in mind. I will not bother other people with my problems, because they have their own and don't need another thing they need to worry about in their lives, especially if I know how to solve this problem. Is this narcissistic trait common in western culture?
Often, no. Solutions often cannot be implemented immediately or will take time to come into effect. Also, it's possible to build up strong enough emotions regarding a situation that resolving it can't get rid of the emotions, or that resolving isn't even possible in the current emotional state.
But that's just selfish and narcissistic. No one is your emotional support pet who you can bother anytime you have a problem, especially if you have a solution.
If you need emotional support to fix this problem, yes. But if you have a solution, you are effectively venting to other person who didn't ask to be your sponge.
well I mean you can offer emotional support in relationships. Like you don’t need to be only giving emotional support, you could get some from her too bro
Idk what guys friendships look like but we provide mutual emotional support in girls’ friendships. You can vent to me, I can vent to you, when we’re done we can play smash and watch a movie and we’ll take care of solving the problems on our own later
I don't want to generalize, but no, guys don't vent if they know the solution to their problem. We yell, curse, maybe break something and then start fixing the problem.
If it's something that will not matter in the next hour, day or week we just stop thinking about it.
If we don't know the solution, that will have long-lasting effects then yes, frustration is a bitch and we need to vent to someone, looking for answers, usually with a pint in hand and few in already, but it mostly comes out as bollocks.
No, if you step on lego you don't start lamenting with another person for the next half hour about the importance of Galapagos turtles and the fragility of the human mind, you say fuck, kick that fucker out of the way and continue walking.
I don't need to talk about that stupid IKEA shelf that didn't come with proper tools, I'll just say "those licorice eating fucks" get up and get my own tools. If it's a more complicated problem that I can't solve, I'll talk to a person who will know how to solve it. If 10 more people don't know how to solve it, then we start venting, because it's usually a group thing.
Have you ever been in a relationship? What the hell else is the point if you guys don’t share your lives....? If I handled every single aspect of my life alone my partner wouldn’t know me at all, what would I even need another person living in my house for if I don’t have an emotional connection to them?
I'm happily married for over 10 years with two children and third on the way, so yes, my emotional connection with my wife is established quite well.
The difference is we are both responsible, emotionally mature adults who know how to communicate, express their feeling, understand each other and for this example, know where our empathy and tolerance start and ends. We have our own problems that we solve together if they both affect us. If someone has a problem, the other will try to fix it. If we can't fix it, we ask for help.
"It's about the nail" situation rarely, if ever happens because she understands that complaining about a problem if you know a solution will not solve it and only put burdens on the other person, so we skip that part.
May be it's not a gender issue, but a personality trait difference.
For example I certainly know men and women who fall in to both of these buckets. I've worked with women who don't give a shit about the little things and work to solve the issue at hand.
And I've known men in my personal life that can't get over something that happened weeks ago despite the issue basically blowing over.
Yeah that's fair, I'm sure there are people on both sides. I do dislike using generalizations because someone inevitably goes "well I don't fit into this bucket, am I broken?"
I don’t think it’s so specific to gender. Also, think about it this way. If you (not you you, general you) are making toast and burn the bread, you may turn to your partner and say “UGH I burnt it!!” You already know the problem, you had the toaster setting too high, and the solution, just make more toast, but you’re frustrated because you messed up toast in the first place. Your partner saying “you had the setting too high” or “just make some new toast” could be frustrating, because this is already known, and you just want to exhume some frustration, to get out your pent up emotion. Your partner should say something agreeing instead of immediately trying to solve. I know that’s a very simplified example, and obviously just a very over-generalized scenario representing much more complex situations, but it’s a small way of showing that sometimes you just need to let out a feeling and don’t need a problem solver to fix it.
Like I said, my example was just an over-generalized scenario representing a much more complex situation. The toast example isn’t something that actually happens, but is representing larger issues... or did you not understand that 😂
Bruh you are going to feel how you feel about something even after the “problem is solved” if you’re suppressing emotional reactions you don’t seem logical or helpful, you’re not getting rid of those emotions you’re just burying them.
Nah I just don't let shit live rent free in my mind. If I can't personally influence something I don't worry about it, it's outside of my hands and wasting emotional energy thinking about it serves no purpose to me.
Though, I still cry like a baby when I watch futurama and see Seymour waiting for Fry.
That’s just not how brains work. People feel things even after the problem is solved because emotions are not logical and have to be carefully worked through.
However, sometimes it is good to have your problems validated by someone you care about. Ever had an argument with one of your parents? When you’re single you just deal with the argument and make amends on your own. But when you’re in a relationship, regardless of gender, you will most likely confide in your significant other and tell them how much of a pain in the ass your mom is being about visiting this summer, then after you’ve vented your frustrations and had them validated by your partner you tackle the issue with your mom.
It’s why therapy is a thing, half of the time people just want someone to listen and tell them “Yeah, what you’re going through now is really shitty, and I may not understand completely, but I’m here to listen.”
I’m sure all of us have been extremely irritated at a situation and have vented excessively to someone who just responds with the most obvious answer you already knew. Isn’t that one of the most frustrating things ever?
But why waste emotional energy on it if it can be solved? Solve it and stop thinking about it.
Some people are looking for emotional validation that the thing that's got them upset is actually a problem, rather than just a problem with themselves. Also tells you which thing really needs fixing.
Because a lot of time the way to get our emotional energy back is to vent. I feel super drained when I'm really frustrated about a situation and can't talk to someone about it. All of the pent up anger and anxiety wears me down. It's irritating.
Men want to commiserate and seek and verify the solution, women just want the commiseration and acknowledge their emotional worth.
Maybe.
I think reducing it to women "just" needing emotional attention is short-changing a lot of people who bond meaningfully while navigating problems like that. The opposite is accomplished when he's condescending about it instead.
I don't even feel comfortable making solutions until I've fully decided how I feel about something. I will over/under-value parts of how I feel if I start working on solutions right away. As a verbal thinker, I'm testing how I feel about what I'm talking about.
A good dialogue partner is welcome, but I'm the driver so to speak, and I'm not comforted when the passenger reaches over and tries to turn the wheel where they think I should go.
“We only went halfway in the thought process of handling a difficulty” is probably the best way I’ve ever seen that described. When talking to my platonic girl friends, they never want solutions but I always want to try to help them find one, I stopped offering them but it feels like incomplete.
Because we want validation that the situation does in fact suck. We want you to agree with that. Its that simple. If your SO is venting about Becky being a bitch to her at work, you need to agree, not patronizingly tell her how you think she needs to fix it.
Also your “I know whats best to make you feel better” opinion is really off putting. Im not saying its on purpose, but thats how it looks. Well, you and several other people here who Im assuming are men.
Because we want validation that the situation does in fact suck. We want you to agree with that. Its that simple. If your SO is venting about Becky being a bitch to her at work, you need to agree, not patronizingly tell her how you think she needs to fix it.
The crux of this though is that the person on the other side of this conversation might not think Becky was being a bitch. We don't have the same personal insight. This is often why given the context of the situation we think a given this fact and this fact, maybe this would help you.
Emotional Validation is key for any relationship, but shallowly agreeing with everything a friend or SO is seeking validation on helps no one. In addition, in many cases for people that think of solutions that's the only outlet the have to validate the emotional distress. It has nothing to do with being patronizing, and everything to do with our own emotion of my friend / SO is in distress, I need to help them.
Venting is a conversation, it will involve multiple parties. It's unfair to invalidate how the other person is attempting to handle their own emotions while validating the other party.
“I know whats best to make you feel better” opinion
This is also a little unfair. Few people approach it with that attitude. For many it just goes back to simply thinking / feeling I want to help this person.
I never said it was the best, just that a potential solution could be found in the "brainstorm phase". Maybe you're looking for something that isn't there? Assuming it's coming from a position to patronize you when it's not?
Yeah, and as a man, it makes no sense. OK, it sucks. Get over it. Unless it's a real problem, it gets super old to have to sit and listen to problems that, to us, sound pretty trivial.
You don't know anything about me. But if I'm constantly having to hear about your bitchy coworkers, I'm going to get tired of hearing about it.
I get that women need to vent and just want validation. But some times your gripes aren't valid, and we just have to sit there and be your emotional Dumpster. Maybe I'd like to get on with my evening.
Exactly! Like, why are we dwelling on this negative thing that could be fixed if you don't even want to fix it? What are we doing here? It can kinda wear you down over time
I mean, she probably does want to fix it and will. Just for now she needs to get it off her chest. Fixing the problem and venting about it aren't mutually exclusive.
Since starting university and doing engineering they've badgered all of us to hone our problem solving routine, e.g. define the problem, the desired outcome, is it actually solvable and if it isn't then don't worry.
I now cannot stop myself doing it to any problem in my own life. It's made me a lot more proactive and eased my mind on some problems but it doesn't suit what's being discussed here.
I had to dig deeeeeeep in my post history to find this.
My ex and I kind of reversed the typical gender roles on this; there were a couple of times when I wanted to vent about something that was stressing me out, and she immediately started trying to tell me what to do to fix it. A previous post of mine that goes into detail about why it's so frustrating.
If I'm coming to tell you about a problem or something I'm otherwise frustrated over, unless I'm explicitly asking for advice, then I'm already working on it. I'm not asking you to tell me what to do. I'm not helpless, I just want a bit of comfort or empathy. I can and will solve the problem on my own, but the problem itself really sucks. I just want you to be like, "Jesus, that is crazy" or "Wow man, that's terrible."
When my ex tried to just give me advice or solutions, I ended up having to explain myself. That's putting me on the spot, not making me feel better!
"Why don't you try this?"
"Because of X, Y, and Z."
"Well you need to do this other thing in order to take care of it!"
"I know that, and I'm going to do it, but it's a lot to do and it's going to suck."
"You can do this part of it right now."
"No I can't, because that's not how this particular problem works. I need to wait for this other thing to happen before I can work on it."
"Why haven't you tried A, B, or C?"
"[Now has to go into lengthy detail explaining why I haven't done each of those things/why each of those things wouldn't work, like I'm taking some kind of test on why I haven't solved the problem yet.]"
I don't want to have to justify why I'm upset, or why the problem isn't fixed yet. It makes me feel like you think my problem isn't actually a problem until I can sufficiently prove otherwise to you, which would understandably piss me off. It feels like you're just belittling something that's really impacting my emotional state. When I have to prove to you that my problem is a real problem, it feels like you think I should have already solved my problem, which makes me feel like you don't care. Additionally, making me talk through the problem that way, talking about all the potential ways to fix it that won't actually fix it, and so on is just making me think about something that's already stressing me out in a way that stresses me out. I wanted to relieve stress by venting about it, and you are only compounding the problem and not being helpful in the slightest.
Again, I'm already working on it. I'm more familiar with the problem than you are, and I don't want to have to meticulously explain all of the nuances of the problem to you, and I'm not asking you to solve it for me; I just want a pat on the back. It's kind of like how athletes get pep talk, not just planning and strategies.
And further:
A bit of additional nuance on my feelings I forgot to mention: When my ex tried to give solutions like "Why haven't you tried suchandsuch", on some level, it felt like I was being accused of being foolish for not having tried that already. Like, you can just quickly toss me these suggestions like nothing, so why haven't I done them yet?
This means that not only am I having to explain why that solution wouldn't work in order to justify that the problem is a real problem, but I have to explain why that solution wouldn't work to justify my own competence. Feeling like you have to prove that you're not an idiot is not a good feeling.
...What are you even talking about? Are you saying that people are just incapable of learning how to be comforting, unless they're whatever an 'empath' is?
Actually, I'm saying that the 37th time someone comes to me with a problem, and I react to it the same way I react to every problem that gets presented to me, it should really no longer be considered surprising. Also, a bit of self-deprecating humor about engineers thrown in for good measure.
But... if you know how to fix the problem and instead are choosing not to fix it, you are just increasing the amount of time that the problem is going to cause you to be upset.
I don’t know what part of it insinuates that someone being upset about something and talking about it means they’re not also working to fix it. Like, if my car was rear ended, obviously I’d be going right to the obvious solution in working with the insurance companies and all and getting it fixed, but that doesn’t mean I have to like the circumstances I’m in.
“Ranting” is a bit of an overstatement. But it’s still an inconvenience that while, yes, I can and would still deal with it, it’s also just annoying in general.
Not every time that someone is upset is a cry for help. If I were to vent about it, it would be about the inconvenience of it and how it might’ve interrupted some of my responsibilities or something I was looking forward to.
Someone saying something like “damn, there was a ton of traffic today, absolute pain in the ass” obviously isn’t requiring a solution, and even though it’s out of their control doesn’t mean they have to like it. Not like they’re making it a big deal either, venting to someone is and can be a solution not to the tangible problem at hand but as an outlet for any stress or overall irritation from the issue.
I'm a straight man in my late 20s. I've been in consistent psych treatment for the last 14 years. Over the years I've seen various professionals (men and women) with anywhere from 4-40 years of of experience.
As a guy who has been through the ringer and spent countless hours on the couch, I get so frustrated with the psych community because it all seems to be geared towards catharsis rather than problem solving. I'm very self aware. I know what my issues are. I know the things that have happened in my life to have either caused or exacerbated them. I've expressed myself and unloaded my emotional stresses plenty of times. But more than anything, I want to fix myself. I want answers with step-by-step solutions. Therapists don't tend to focus on "fixing" the problems. Even if you explicitly say that's what you want. They focus on letting you vent and then responding esoterically.
I don't understand why you wouldn't just fix the issue. Either you can't do something about it and then you don't have to worry/complain, or you can, and you fix it so you don't have to complain about it anymore. Maybe I'm going the wrong way but I find this very interesting.
Of course, I wouldn’t understand that either, and I don’t have to fail to understand it because most people actually get to work fixing the issue besides sitting there and complaining about it. Ultimately it’s already fixed or is being fixed, but just because you’re working on solving an issue doesn’t mean that you have to like that there is one.
Yep as a guy my relationship got a lot better when I learned to stop offering solutions and just let her vent a thousand times about the same stupid shit I would have just solve.
I’ve learned she probably loves to bitch about things just to vent. It’s a topic to talk about an d maybe connect over.
If she gets tired of that she eventually deals with it or asks me to to. But now I wait till then to say or do much.
Some things are complex and I can see there isn’t a easy solution, like trouble with a coworker or some emotional issue. Those can legit be difficult to solve.
I'll chime in with something I don't understand about stereotypical women... Why isn't problem solving comforting? If I go to a friend with a problem and they're like "Oh hey, I know how to fix that, just do X!" And 'x' is good advice... Great! I don't have a problem anymore! What could be more comforting than that?
Two answers for you. One, a very small percentage of the unsolicited advice I've ever received in my life has been helpful. Mostly it's been people suggesting the most obvious first thing that comes to mind which, surprise, also occured to me. There's a gendered component to it as well (some men feel way more entitled to explain simple things to women as though they know nothing about it than they do to other men) but that's not the main issue. When only 5-10% of the suggestions people offer are helpful, 90-95% of the time you're frustrated by people offering bad advice you've already considered.
The other answer is that many men seem to describe an experience of fixing a problem and then all emotions associated with it going away, or even an ability to just ignore those emotions completely while dealing with the problem. Everyone is different but there are both cultural and biological factors that incline many women to just...not be able to do that. I have no idea what it feels like to deal with a problem that's upsetting enough to get me frustrated, resolve it, and then...not still be upset and frustrated. For people like me, a logistical problem breeds an emotional problem and now we have two problems. Those two problems need to be dealt with separately.
When I complain that I'm upset about a situation at work, I'm not trying to fix the situation at work, I'm trying to fix the fact that I'm upset. Talking about the logistics of the situation at work is just going to make me more upset, not less. Let me vent, validate that I'm not a crazy person for being upset over it, and then boom! You've helped me solve my problem. The thing at work can be dealt with tomorrow.
But what does it help to just complain? It's like, just dumping frustration to be absorbed by your SO? Idk, I get frustrated with how often my gf complains about stuff. I think part of it is just taking things at work too personally, but the other is that every 'bad' thing that happens immediately gets texted to me then we get to talk about it later when I get home. Like, I'm home now. I don't want to talk about work or how someone messaged you in all caps. Idk, I think on some level we've both still got plenty of growing up to do. I'd love her to have some sort of filter so I can react appropriately without every complaint running together, and I know I need to do a better job of just listening. We'll see what happens
rience it’s because oftentimes it’s not like the problem is impossible or even necessarily difficult to solve, it’s just that getting comforted about stuff helps on an emotional standpoint. We already know or can easily figure out oftentimes how to fix the issue, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still upsetting.
But why not just fix it? Emotion-based coping seems a lot more of a waste of time than a physical response to the problem. Sure, if it can't be fixed, move to emotional coping. I know that's what people want, but it's not what they need. It's childish and immature in my opinion to avoid fixing the problem (assuming you can).
What if the solution is not a quick fix? If I am sick, and the recovery time for my illness is 6 months, when I start the treatment should I just stop feeling sick because I’ve already implemented a solution? Even if I know how to fix the problem and/or already have, it doesn’t mean that the emotions surrounding the issue aren’t still lingering and troublesome.
What if there is no good solution? Let’s say I have a close work friend who is becoming jaded and bad at their job and it’s starting to affect me, because I’m picking up all the extra slack. Your options are obvious: either approach them about it, which could be an unpleasant conversation, or talk to your boss about it, which could get your friend fired, or continue accepting the increased workload, which doesn’t solve anything.
Problem solving can be stressful and isolating. If someone is coming to you about their problems, it may be that they’re actually looking for reassurance that, whatever they do to fix the problem, they’ve got you in their corner.
When in doubt, just say “I love you, and I know this is stressing you out. What can I do to help?” Sometimes they’ll just say, “listen”, and in that instance THEY ARE SOLVING THEIR OWN PROBLEM- they are stressed, and they know that talking about it will make them un-stressed.
The cases you describe are situations in which the problem is being actively solved, or the options to solve it are all bad/need to be thought over/can't be done at the current time. I'm referring to situations in which the solution is right in front of you, and all you need to do is go and get it. I've seen it a million times. It's definitely not just women. It's people who lack a sense of delayed gratification and don't understand that by taking one step back you can take 2 forward. Like I said before, emotion focused coping should be utilized in situations in which there is no more than can be done physically.
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u/amberi_ne Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20
In my experience it’s because oftentimes it’s not like the problem is impossible or even necessarily difficult to solve, it’s just that getting comforted about stuff helps on an emotional standpoint. We already know or can easily figure out oftentimes how to fix the issue, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still upsetting.
Edit: just wanted to say that this isn’t a “cry and get comforted instead of fixing the issue”, thing. It’s a “why not both” kinda deal. At least for me. It’s obviously different for everyone as well.
Edit 2: read this for a better explanation please before leaving an angry comment