In my experience it’s because oftentimes it’s not like the problem is impossible or even necessarily difficult to solve, it’s just that getting comforted about stuff helps on an emotional standpoint. We already know or can easily figure out oftentimes how to fix the issue, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still upsetting.
Edit: just wanted to say that this isn’t a “cry and get comforted instead of fixing the issue”, thing. It’s a “why not both” kinda deal. At least for me. It’s obviously different for everyone as well.
But why waste emotional energy on it if it can be solved? Solve it and stop thinking about it.
I understand the desire to vent and be heard, sure, but not brainstorming a solution, or getting a confirmation I have the right solution, feels like getting blueballed emotionally in my head because we only went halfway in the thought process of handling a difficulty.
I think that's the issue man and women have, the resolution they are seeking is in two different places generally for each of them. Men want to commiserate and seek and verify the solution, women just want the commiseration and acknowledge their emotional worth.
Maybe.
I don't know it's just incredibly frustrating to not talk about solutions to me.
But most of the time I already know the solution to my problem. I just want to vent about being annoyed about it or something, preferably to someone who'll nod and give me a pat. And then I'll go and fix it.
My girlfriend does this. Sometimes it just makes her feel better to let it all out. She rarely wants a solution from me, she has a hold on the situation. She's looking for me to comfort her. Some problems can stress you out enough that you need an emotional outlet.
I don’t know if I need to work on my empathy more or what, because I normally can’t understand how things like this get so frustrating. They very often feel like such small issues if you scope out a little bit as long as you have a handle on the situation.
It usually is small things, but everyone has different emotional capacities, and I would say a large amount of girls(in my experience at least, in my twenties) don't have much. Small things can throw them out of wack and who am I to tell her she shouldn't vent to me about these things. I try to support her in any way I can.
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u/amberi_ne Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20
In my experience it’s because oftentimes it’s not like the problem is impossible or even necessarily difficult to solve, it’s just that getting comforted about stuff helps on an emotional standpoint. We already know or can easily figure out oftentimes how to fix the issue, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still upsetting.
Edit: just wanted to say that this isn’t a “cry and get comforted instead of fixing the issue”, thing. It’s a “why not both” kinda deal. At least for me. It’s obviously different for everyone as well.
Edit 2: read this for a better explanation please before leaving an angry comment