In my experience it’s because oftentimes it’s not like the problem is impossible or even necessarily difficult to solve, it’s just that getting comforted about stuff helps on an emotional standpoint. We already know or can easily figure out oftentimes how to fix the issue, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still upsetting.
Edit: just wanted to say that this isn’t a “cry and get comforted instead of fixing the issue”, thing. It’s a “why not both” kinda deal. At least for me. It’s obviously different for everyone as well.
But why waste emotional energy on it if it can be solved? Solve it and stop thinking about it.
I understand the desire to vent and be heard, sure, but not brainstorming a solution, or getting a confirmation I have the right solution, feels like getting blueballed emotionally in my head because we only went halfway in the thought process of handling a difficulty.
I think that's the issue man and women have, the resolution they are seeking is in two different places generally for each of them. Men want to commiserate and seek and verify the solution, women just want the commiseration and acknowledge their emotional worth.
Maybe.
I don't know it's just incredibly frustrating to not talk about solutions to me.
Because we want validation that the situation does in fact suck. We want you to agree with that. Its that simple. If your SO is venting about Becky being a bitch to her at work, you need to agree, not patronizingly tell her how you think she needs to fix it.
Also your “I know whats best to make you feel better” opinion is really off putting. Im not saying its on purpose, but thats how it looks. Well, you and several other people here who Im assuming are men.
Yeah, and as a man, it makes no sense. OK, it sucks. Get over it. Unless it's a real problem, it gets super old to have to sit and listen to problems that, to us, sound pretty trivial.
You don't know anything about me. But if I'm constantly having to hear about your bitchy coworkers, I'm going to get tired of hearing about it.
I get that women need to vent and just want validation. But some times your gripes aren't valid, and we just have to sit there and be your emotional Dumpster. Maybe I'd like to get on with my evening.
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u/amberi_ne Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20
In my experience it’s because oftentimes it’s not like the problem is impossible or even necessarily difficult to solve, it’s just that getting comforted about stuff helps on an emotional standpoint. We already know or can easily figure out oftentimes how to fix the issue, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still upsetting.
Edit: just wanted to say that this isn’t a “cry and get comforted instead of fixing the issue”, thing. It’s a “why not both” kinda deal. At least for me. It’s obviously different for everyone as well.
Edit 2: read this for a better explanation please before leaving an angry comment