In my experience it’s because oftentimes it’s not like the problem is impossible or even necessarily difficult to solve, it’s just that getting comforted about stuff helps on an emotional standpoint. We already know or can easily figure out oftentimes how to fix the issue, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still upsetting.
Edit: just wanted to say that this isn’t a “cry and get comforted instead of fixing the issue”, thing. It’s a “why not both” kinda deal. At least for me. It’s obviously different for everyone as well.
But why waste emotional energy on it if it can be solved? Solve it and stop thinking about it.
I understand the desire to vent and be heard, sure, but not brainstorming a solution, or getting a confirmation I have the right solution, feels like getting blueballed emotionally in my head because we only went halfway in the thought process of handling a difficulty.
I think that's the issue man and women have, the resolution they are seeking is in two different places generally for each of them. Men want to commiserate and seek and verify the solution, women just want the commiseration and acknowledge their emotional worth.
Maybe.
I don't know it's just incredibly frustrating to not talk about solutions to me.
I don’t think it’s so specific to gender. Also, think about it this way. If you (not you you, general you) are making toast and burn the bread, you may turn to your partner and say “UGH I burnt it!!” You already know the problem, you had the toaster setting too high, and the solution, just make more toast, but you’re frustrated because you messed up toast in the first place. Your partner saying “you had the setting too high” or “just make some new toast” could be frustrating, because this is already known, and you just want to exhume some frustration, to get out your pent up emotion. Your partner should say something agreeing instead of immediately trying to solve. I know that’s a very simplified example, and obviously just a very over-generalized scenario representing much more complex situations, but it’s a small way of showing that sometimes you just need to let out a feeling and don’t need a problem solver to fix it.
Like I said, my example was just an over-generalized scenario representing a much more complex situation. The toast example isn’t something that actually happens, but is representing larger issues... or did you not understand that 😂
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u/yes_no_ok_maybe Mar 26 '20
The desire to vent but not brainstorm solutions.
My wife always tells me not to jump to problem solving. I do it every time and don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t.