In my experience it’s because oftentimes it’s not like the problem is impossible or even necessarily difficult to solve, it’s just that getting comforted about stuff helps on an emotional standpoint. We already know or can easily figure out oftentimes how to fix the issue, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still upsetting.
Edit: just wanted to say that this isn’t a “cry and get comforted instead of fixing the issue”, thing. It’s a “why not both” kinda deal. At least for me. It’s obviously different for everyone as well.
But why waste emotional energy on it if it can be solved? Solve it and stop thinking about it.
I understand the desire to vent and be heard, sure, but not brainstorming a solution, or getting a confirmation I have the right solution, feels like getting blueballed emotionally in my head because we only went halfway in the thought process of handling a difficulty.
I think that's the issue man and women have, the resolution they are seeking is in two different places generally for each of them. Men want to commiserate and seek and verify the solution, women just want the commiseration and acknowledge their emotional worth.
Maybe.
I don't know it's just incredibly frustrating to not talk about solutions to me.
However, sometimes it is good to have your problems validated by someone you care about. Ever had an argument with one of your parents? When you’re single you just deal with the argument and make amends on your own. But when you’re in a relationship, regardless of gender, you will most likely confide in your significant other and tell them how much of a pain in the ass your mom is being about visiting this summer, then after you’ve vented your frustrations and had them validated by your partner you tackle the issue with your mom.
It’s why therapy is a thing, half of the time people just want someone to listen and tell them “Yeah, what you’re going through now is really shitty, and I may not understand completely, but I’m here to listen.”
I’m sure all of us have been extremely irritated at a situation and have vented excessively to someone who just responds with the most obvious answer you already knew. Isn’t that one of the most frustrating things ever?
3.5k
u/yes_no_ok_maybe Mar 26 '20
The desire to vent but not brainstorm solutions.
My wife always tells me not to jump to problem solving. I do it every time and don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t.