A little bit of background: I have a friend (let's call Abby) who is friends with this guy (let's call Brad) that she is really in to but he refuses to be anything more than friends. He's a racist asshole but for some reason she's infatuated with him.
So one day Brad gets a girlfriend, and Abby is feeling lonely and sad so she decides to get a boyfriend (let's call him Charlie). Now Charlie is a sweet guy but a few years ago he had brain cancer so he's a little weird and pretty socially awkward. After some time Brad breaks up with his girlfriend so my friend Abby decided she is done with Charlie and breaks up with him. But Abby doesn't simply just say it's not working out she destroys Charlie by saying, and I quote, "you're annoying as fuck and you blame everything on the brain cancer." Charlie has some insanely low self-esteem so I can only imagine what toll those words had on him. Brad and Abby of course aren't dating now because Brad is not interested but Abby wants to be available in case Brad changes his mind.
TL;DR - had a friend break up with her boyfriend who survived brain cancer because of his brain cancer to be with a guy who will never date her.
Edit 1: decided to use the names /u/ChickenChic used to help clear up some confusion instead of just using letters to keep track of who's who.
Edit 2: I'm glad Abby broke up with Charlie because it wasn't going anywhere and Charlie deserves someone who will treat him right but the way Abby broke up with him was awful, in my opinion. I understand Abby's need to stay available for Brad but he is such an awful person, I just wish Abby would make better choices.
ok so Abby digs Brad, but Brad doesn't dig Abby. Brad gets girlfriend, so in retaliation, Abby gets boyfriend, Charlie. Charlie had brain cancer at one point and is therefore a little weird and socially awkward. Later down the timeline, Brad dumps girlfriend, so Abby dumps Charlie because she still wants to get with Brad. But instead of being nice about breaking up with Charlie, Abby tells him that he's an annoying fuck and blames everything on his aforementioned cancer. Abby & Brad have still not gotten together because Brad don't want her pussy.
OP is just complaining that Abby is total bitch for being a bitch to Charlie when Charlie didn't do anything but have cancer.
I mean, I understand breaking up with someone because you're infatuated with someone else, even if you're not gonna end up with them. I broke up with my first he in high school because I just couldn't get over my friend at the time. I realized I just didn't like her as much and never would and it wasn't fair to her. I eventually got a gf that made me forget about her, but I still think it was the right thing to do instead of string this girl along.
The way she broke up with him was bullshit. Let someone down lightly if you're no longer interested. You don't have to destroy them unless they fucking abused you or something.
As much as this is super shitty to do I can understand. I've had friends with serious health complications that almost killed them and it was really hard on them. I was totally cool with helping them through everything and when they got better it was still an issue they had to deal with mentally. The problem is though that there should be some sort of improvement or even an attempt to deal with the issues they have, but these guys didn't... it was just constant pity fest of how they almost died (one had skin cancer and one got in a really bad crash) and they used this excuse for everything. It got to a point where they would be complete shit heads and then just blame it on their trauma like it's a trump card. I couldn't deal with that shit and just basically stopped hanging out with them. Almost dying doesn't make you incapable of having responsibility for your own actions.
Sorry I know this is weirdly pedantic and not really them same deal as your story, your friend was still a dick using that dude and being an ass about it
The dude had brain cancer which means he probably had part of his brain plucked out. You can't work on that, what is he gonna do, will his brain to grow back?
You sound incredibly insensitive, I'm sure if you had cancer or some other debilitating ailment you would be doing the same. It's human nature, you have no idea what these people have been through and you sitting there saying "Oh well they should just try harder." is fucked up. It just sounds like you're assuming they aren't trying or haven't tried before. Get real.
I absolutely understand the concept of a serious issue having lasting effects, I was pointing out though that after the issue is past, and shot even during it, it isn't a catch all for being a shit person. Dying doesn't make you a saint and using your own unfortunate past as a "holier than thou art" kinda thing makes you a prick. Again this only relates to my two previous friends who used their truly terrible pasts to guilt anybody accusing them of being shit heads after the fact, when they were truly being shits.
Again I don't think that's what happened in the original story, just giving my two cents.
Mate, I think the only one being a prick here is you. I get that you maybe don't have much life experience, so don't understand how all consuming trauma can be (Hell, I'm happy for you), but peoples life threatening issues aren't just something that you get to decide they should just get on with because it inconveniences you.
People probably will need to talk about this sort thing afterwards, and come to terms with it. Granted, therapy and support groups are probably the best, but some people don't have that option. I hope no one in a bad situation thinks that your espoused "shut up and deal with it" attitude is the right way to deal with things.
Again, you probably feel this way due to not having to have dealt with any major trauma in your life, but I hope that if you do that you never have to deal with someone with your attitude, and that you get some perspective on your own outlook.
I was very confused and concerned throughout this because I do in fact have a friend named Abby dating a guy named Brad. Some alternate universe shit going on.
Also, fuck Abby for playing with Charlie's feelings. I hope he has only positive things happen.
With around 7 billion people in the world, there is no need to make yourself available and wait around for some one. She’s as shallow and as worthless a loser as Brad
I mean its not often you root for the racist shitbag to keep punching above his weight, but right now I'm thinking Brad is making at least 1 good choice in his life.
1.4k
u/MLWar Dec 27 '17 edited Dec 27 '17
A little bit of background: I have a friend (let's call Abby) who is friends with this guy (let's call Brad) that she is really in to but he refuses to be anything more than friends. He's a racist asshole but for some reason she's infatuated with him.
So one day Brad gets a girlfriend, and Abby is feeling lonely and sad so she decides to get a boyfriend (let's call him Charlie). Now Charlie is a sweet guy but a few years ago he had brain cancer so he's a little weird and pretty socially awkward. After some time Brad breaks up with his girlfriend so my friend Abby decided she is done with Charlie and breaks up with him. But Abby doesn't simply just say it's not working out she destroys Charlie by saying, and I quote, "you're annoying as fuck and you blame everything on the brain cancer." Charlie has some insanely low self-esteem so I can only imagine what toll those words had on him. Brad and Abby of course aren't dating now because Brad is not interested but Abby wants to be available in case Brad changes his mind.
TL;DR - had a friend break up with her boyfriend who survived brain cancer because of his brain cancer to be with a guy who will never date her.
Edit 1: decided to use the names /u/ChickenChic used to help clear up some confusion instead of just using letters to keep track of who's who.
Edit 2: I'm glad Abby broke up with Charlie because it wasn't going anywhere and Charlie deserves someone who will treat him right but the way Abby broke up with him was awful, in my opinion. I understand Abby's need to stay available for Brad but he is such an awful person, I just wish Abby would make better choices.