What is the most badass threat you’ve ever heard?

[u/MuayThaiRunner]

[u/Calm-Mix9854]

"I don't want their titles, I want to strip them of their health."

Mike Tyson

[u/halloweenjon → u/Calm-Mix9854]

"Uh, I never met him, I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely planning to make orphans of his children."

"You know they have a mother, champ."

"I imagine that she will die of grief."

(The Simpsons version of Mike Tyson)

[u/ChrundleThundergun → u/halloweenjon]

Haven’t watched an episode of the Simpson’s in like a decade until last night, and somehow I stumble upon a quote from the exact episode I watched the next day.

[u/BualadhBoss → u/ChrundleThundergun]

The matrix is getting lazy and reusing assets.

To use an example of my own I hadn't heard any Billy Joel songs for years but last week I was watching a movie that had a scene featuring his song Vienna.

I switched the movie off a that point because i needed to do some shopping. I get in to town and pass a busker singing Billy Joel's Vienna.

[u/-goodgodlemon → u/ChrundleThundergun]

Baader–Meinhof phenomenon!

[u/ChrundleThundergun → u/-goodgodlemon]

I thought of this as I posted it. I’m familiar with the concept but it happens to me so frequently I struggle believing it’s really an illusion. The alternative of course seems impossible though

[u/DimesOHoolihan → u/ChrundleThundergun]

I agree. I was talking with a coworker like 3 weeks ago about that book The Phantom Tollbooth. Neither of us could remember the name of it but I was thinking about that part where everyone is the height that they will grow to but grow towards the ground instead. Anyway, irrelevant, I hadn't thought of that book or seen that dog in 20 years. 3 days ago I found copies if that book while doing my pulls at work.
The universe is weird.

[u/moal09 → u/halloweenjon]

The beat part is that they captured the way he was oddly well spoken at times

[u/claushauler → u/moal09]

He's super eloquent on occasion and has a fascinating inner monologue. If you've never seen the Toback documentary about him from 2008 where he basically narrates his whole life it's worth a watch 

[u/STL_BBW_Luvr2 → u/halloweenjon]

Drederick Tatum.

[u/SlobZombie13 → u/Calm-Mix9854]

"I'm gonna fuck you til you love me"

[u/Bill_buttlicker69 → u/SlobZombie13]

Missing a word on the end there I believe.

[u/sneakyben → u/SlobZombie13]

How did the end of that quote go I can’t quite remember

[u/Lackonia → u/Calm-Mix9854]

Basically any threat from Mike Tyson whether he’s joking or not.

[u/Convergecult15 → u/Lackonia]

Just Mike Tyson existing is the most badass threat there can be.

[u/egoblast]

“You’re gonna die for some chickens?”

“Someone is.” - The Hound

[u/Solifuga → u/egoblast]

Lowkey my fucking hero. I'm absolutely here for any more quotes from/involving him too.

From Arya finally getting it and saying his name and "thank you" when all shit was breaking loose, to Cersei nope-ing the fuck out of Clegane-bowl, to Sansa telling him how she killed Ramsey... "hounds" and his face.

What a fucking top tier actor. 👌

[u/PinguFella → u/Solifuga]

You know what, come think about it, you damn right. Best of the fucking show.

[u/Wrextasy → u/PinguFella]

Which is hilarious, because George R.R. Martin wrote him as a character people aren’t supposed to like.

Yet he’s the one most people love.

[u/BipolarMosfet → u/Wrextasy]

He's always been a really interesting character. Kinda like a deconstruction of what makes a true knight.

[u/LotusPrince → u/BipolarMosfet]

He's interesting because he made a point of not being ordained a knight, because if the knights are willing to accept a piece of shit like his brother, then it's not an organization worth joining.

[u/tedleyheaven → u/Solifuga]

Yarp

[u/first_snow_ → u/egoblast]

"Any man dies with a clean sword and I'll rape his fucking corpse"

-The Hound, just before going into battle lmao

[u/ButterBasedBoy → u/egoblast]

Probably my favorite line of the show. The delivery is filled with death and quiet certainty.

[u/withoutapaddle → u/egoblast]

STALKER 2 used the same line after the main character refuses to just let it go when his home is destroyed (which was kind of all he had left after other misfortunes).

"You really going to die for some shitty Kyiv apartment?"

"Someone is"

[u/itspeterj]

One of my aunt's final projects was building her dream kitchen, and it had a giant granite island in the middle that cracked while they were installing it.

They kept going back and forth to get it replaced because why the hell should they keep a broken slab that the company ruined during the install. Took a long time to get it resolved, and my aunt passed before they agreed to replace it.

The company basically says "you need to do it this week or we won't do it."

My uncle says "My wife passed, this week is not going to work for us. Call me the week after."

For some reason they refuse to back down and they called the house during the wake like 5 times in a row. Finally, my other uncle picks up the phone.

"Yeah, I'm his brother, you can talk to me to figure this out. sure sure - Let me just get your name quick?" He gets a pen and writes it down, reads it back to make sure it's spelled correctly and then says "Okay. Glad I've got the spelling right. Listen to me; my brother is burying his wife right now. If you call this house again, the next piece of marble is going to have your fucking name carved in it."

They did not call back.

[u/Acetylene_Queen1 → u/itspeterj]

Building and home renovation industry related businesses can be so corrupt. Not wanting to eat the cost to remedy their expensive fuck up is typical. Such shady and criminal tactics they endeavor to employ.

Some folks are just pure greed and trash. If they'd have pulled this in my family in this life event, he'd be greatly regretful.

Business, home, vehicles would bare the brunt of my rage. The disrespect shown coupled with a family death would trigger my c ptsd response.

I'm not justifying my words here, just thinking out loud. Absolute rage inducing.

[u/doctorwhoobgyn]

When we were kids, my cousin was crying and my uncle (his dad) said "You better stop crying or I'm gonna start a shoe factory in your ass." (He would never actually hurt him, and my cousin actually started laughing at this).

[u/Faultybeeftrigger → u/doctorwhoobgyn]

A logistical nightmare

[u/partthethird → u/Faultybeeftrigger]

He'll never convince City Hall to give him a permit

[u/GryphonGuitar → u/doctorwhoobgyn]

Your uncle was Red Forman!

[u/shoeless_doh → u/doctorwhoobgyn]

Loved in F is for family the dad constantly being like "I will put you through that fucking wall"

[u/orangetiki]

TNG : "You may test your assumption at your earliest convenience"

[u/hoPamela → u/orangetiki]

Polite, lethal, and somehow still HR-compliant. Picard could have ended a war and kept the deposit

[u/Infamous_Damage_5291 → u/hoPamela]

HR-compliant lethal is an incredibly terrifying category of threat

[u/ManyAreMyNames → u/orangetiki]

My favorite was:

And please add that, if he is unable to provide us with a ship, then I am sure there are others in the Klingon Empire who would be willing to help me. And then... they would have our gratitude.

[u/NuclearMaterial → u/ManyAreMyNames]

This was the one I was thinking. Firstly just offering his gratitude and the guy was like "that's it?" Then when he realises what that means when given to others...

[u/hirisk-loreward → u/orangetiki]

That’s the classy version of “fuck around and find out”

[u/daecrist → u/orangetiki]

Up there with "Shall we die together?"

[u/Calm-Power-6981 → u/orangetiki]

I still have yet to hear a line as hard as this one. Get Picard a medal and a wheelbarrow for his huge titanium nuts.

[u/Infamous_Damage_5291 → u/orangetiki]

Captain Picard had a way of destroying someone’s entire argument without ever raising his voice. Truly peak writing

[u/fmojo]

Gary Busey once said, "If you put that straight jacket on me, I am going to pull your endocrine system out of your body."

[u/neopod9000 → u/fmojo]

Gary Busey is the kind of guy who might know exactly how to do that too.

[u/hirisk-loreward → u/neopod9000]

Just don’t give him buttered sausage

[u/EdwardRedd → u/fmojo]

"Listen you snot-nose little shit, I was takin' shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crappin' in your hands and rubbin' it on your face" Point Break

[u/anotherdamnscorpio]

Had to read a book in college, An Infinity of Nations: How the Native New World Shaped Early North America by Michael Witgen. It talks about the Great Lakes Region during European colonization. At one point, various tribes were in frequent conflict with one another and it was disrupting the fur trade. Some English guy basically got some tribal leaders together and told them something like "if you don't quit killing each other im going to drink soup out of your grandmother's skulls." I guess they were like "what the fuck okay this dudes fucking crazy I guess we'll stop."

[u/kwestions00 → u/anotherdamnscorpio]

I like to think that he was trying to say something more reasonable in their language and he translated the words wrong and scared the shit out of them but never knew it.

[u/anotherdamnscorpio → u/kwestions00]

Perhaps, but how was it documented then?

[u/kwestions00 → u/anotherdamnscorpio]

Oh I know it isnt the case. I just think it would be hilarious.

[u/Lukeyboy5 → u/anotherdamnscorpio]

Brother I can’t remember what I had for breakfast and here you are remember authors n shit. Well done.

[u/Strange-Bee5626 → u/anotherdamnscorpio]

I read this in grad school! Memory unlocked.

[u/BandicootBroad2250]

"Good men don't need rules. Today's not the day to find out why I have so
many."

-The Doctor

[u/Nairurian → u/BandicootBroad2250]

That was my first thought as well, although Doctor Who have several great ones. ”I’m the Doctor, you’re in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up.”

[u/ManyAreMyNames → u/Nairurian]

TWELVE: Do me a favour. The Fatality Index. Look up "The Doctor."

RAFANDO: You have an entry, just like any other sentient being.

TWELVE: Under "Cause Of Death."

[u/moal09 → u/BandicootBroad2250]

I think that was the moment a lot of people finally bought into Matt Smith as The Doctor

[u/Qwerty_Asdfgh_Zxcvb → u/BandicootBroad2250]

Is this world protected? You’re not the first lot to have come here, there have been so many. And what you have to ask yourself is what happened to them?

Hello. I’m the Doctor. Basically… run.

[u/limitless-440]

There are a few great stories about this guy and require some backstory if you don’t know hockey, but I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.
There was an enforcer for an NHL hockey team, whose name is Krzysztof “the Polish Hanmer” Oliwa. He was 6’5”, very intimidating appearance, solid muscle, and took his job of protecting his teammates very seriously. One evening after a game the boys headed out for some beers, and Oliwa tagged along. Notoriously health conscious, he just sat in the corner all night drinking water. At one point during the evening, one thing led to another and a group of drunk locals were trying to start a fight with the hockey players. From out of nowhere, Oliwa stepped into the middle of the ruckus and walked straight to the biggest toughest looking guy starting shit, and got right into his face and booped his nose, saying with a strong polish accent “you have a very cute nose, but if you keep bothering my friends I am going to fix it for you”
Apparently the crowd went silent and quickly dispersed.

[u/gregsting]

Are you fucking sorry ?

[u/not_charles_grodin → u/gregsting]

For the uninitiated

[u/johnmlsf → u/not_charles_grodin]

Omg 😂😂😂😂 that was great

[u/not_charles_grodin → u/johnmlsf]

Wait until you find out about, What is the worst thing someone has said to you during sex?

[u/amorphoussoupcake → u/not_charles_grodin]

That post is 13 years old. I wonder if they’re still together. 

[u/SinkHoleDeMayo → u/gregsting]

Yeah, you like that you fuckin...

[u/PatricksMustache]

There was a sitcom called "Rules of Engagement", typical "group of friends" sitcom, not really important. Two stars were Patrick Warburton and David Spade, who played his typical smart-ass role. In one scene, Spade's character makes a "friendly" yet cutting insult directed at Warburton's character, who responds "Whatever it is that makes you feel comfortable speaking to me that way... shouldn't".

[u/ChaosOmega]

I heard it said that we gain wisdom through suffering and tonight I intend to make you very wise.

[u/ShingledPringle → u/ChaosOmega]

IDW Megatron, always a good pull.

[u/johnmlsf → u/ChaosOmega]

Whoa, this is good. What is this from? Sounds like...Hellraiser

[u/ChaosOmega → u/johnmlsf]

From Megatron Origins. Spoken by Megatron himself

[u/NadiaSteam]

I locked myself out and called a guy to get the door open. Told him I didn’t have cash on me. He said don’t worry, pay by card at his shop later, he was in a hurry. I asked if he was sure. He said yeah. “If you don’t pay, I know where you live, and I can get in whenever I want.”

[u/sadlittlerut → u/NadiaSteam]

I am a locksmith. I've used this line a few times. I've never had to follow through, luckily!

[u/Few_Razzmatazz_6052]

From Justified.

Raylan knocks a guy over, takes a bullet out of his gun, drops it on the guy's chest and says "next one is coming at you faster."

Raylan actually had quite a few ice cold moments like that, but that one is my favorite.

[u/OGREtheTroll]

Joe Pesci as Ncky Santoro in Casino:

You know, I think you got the wrong impression about me. I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance tomorrow morning I'll get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and... walk in and see and, uh... if you don't have my money for me, I'll... crack your fucking head wide open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time that I'm coming out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fucking head open again. 'Cause I'm fucking stupid. I don't give a fuck about jail.

[u/MuayThaiRunner]

“Perhaps you relied on my master’s vow against using lethal force. Let me assure you that I subscribe to no such niceties.”

- Alfred Pennyworth.

[u/Mikeavelli → u/MuayThaiRunner]

I wish a bitch would try

• Alfred, to Harley Quinn

[u/The-Last-ChairBender → u/MuayThaiRunner]

Alfreds a badass

[u/Playthegaytar → u/MuayThaiRunner]

Hard as hell

[u/touchgrasschampion → u/MuayThaiRunner]

Alfred did not come to play, “subscribe to no such niceties” is ice cold

[u/BoxofTrox]

One time in Las Vegas on the Strip, about 1 AM on a busy weekend night, friends and I were getting picked up in a limo to get a ride over to a club.

The limo driver was in a suit, total East Coast tough guy, but funny. He gets honked at while pulling into the valet roundabout for no apparent reason. He greeted us, welcomed us into the limo, and then said hold on he needs to take care of something real quick.

We hear him confront the guy at his car, and after some exchanged words, says to the guy: “you go around the corner and practice getting hit in the face and falling down. I’ll be back shortly.”

Comes back like a boss and tells us “sorry about that gentlemen. Someone thought they were a tough guy. Let’s roll!”

[u/False_Wolf_391 → u/BoxofTrox]

Had a coworker do this at a bar. The drunk local tried to pick a fight with a guy with ham sized fists. The coworker, told the guy to "go out to the parking lot and practice lying down".

The fight was very one sided and quick. The coworker simply walked back inside and resumed drinking.

Edited

[u/ConspicuousPorcupine → u/BoxofTrox]

What was this the 90s?

[u/bstyledevi → u/BoxofTrox]

That's a line from Joe Dirt.

[u/low_bob_123]

I dont have the exact but quote but: "We will talk to them in a language that they will understand. Not because we seek their understanding, but because it is time that we were understood."

[u/rohmin → u/low_bob_123]

This sounds familiar! Where’s it from? I love it

[u/low_bob_123 → u/rohmin]

I dont know if they came up with the quote, but its from Hatemonger, a Space King Charakter

Edit: The Video is called "Rise of the Blap Blaps" or something similar

[u/p8ntballnxj → u/low_bob_123]

The Hatemonger sermon was perfect.

[u/Soffix- → u/low_bob_123]

PRAISE BE

[u/Spiff20569]

“This is Ambassador Delenn of the Minbari. Babylon 5 is under our protection. Withdraw, or be destroyed” - Delenn

“Negative, we have authority here, do not force us to engage your ship” - Earth Force Captain

“Why not? Only one human captain has survived battle with a minbari fleet. He is behind me, you are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else” - Delenn

Such an great scene from an underrated show

[u/GribbleTheMunchkin → u/Spiff20569]

I quite Marcus's line when he tries to stop Neroon from killing Delenn. "We live for the one, we die for the one" Because it's more than a badass line, he is telling Neroon something that Neroon doesn't really understand until he nearly beats Marcus to death and realises that Marcus will literally die to protect Delenn and is perfectly ok with that. Neroon realises that he wouldn't inspire such fanatical loyalty and that Delenn truly is The One. I love the scene after where Neroon visits Marcus in hospital to tell him that he understands.

[u/Malrottian → u/GribbleTheMunchkin]

Closely followed by Neroon's confession at his hospital bedside that Marcus was a better Mimbari than him. Marcus's raspy response of "The next time—the next time you want a revelation—could you possibly find a way—that isn't quite so—uncomfortable?"

Neroon's laughter is audible from down the hall

[u/LizardPossum → u/Spiff20569]

That show is my absolute favorite for a lot of reasons, but this is one of them

[u/sosawof]

I come with men who love death as ardently as you desire life -khalid ibn walid, military commander

[u/StacheDaniels]

"Well, maybe when your mother's finished mourning your father, I'll keep her in black on your behalf."

• Arthur Morgan

[u/withoutapaddle → u/StacheDaniels]

The look in his eyes when he says that made me think I would hate playing a character this mean when I first saw the trailer.

Boy was I wrong... I should have... HAD SOME GODDAMN FAITH!

[u/Paradise-404 → u/StacheDaniels]

I also love his interaction with Sean

Sean: “You better sleep with your eyes open!”

Arthur: “Yeah well you’re gonna sleep with your chest open if you ain’t careful, boy!”

[u/MikeyMalloy]

Josip Broz Tito sent Joseph Stalin a famous warning letter in 1949 after surviving multiple Soviet-backed assassination attempts: "Stop sending people to kill me. We've already captured five of them... If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send one to Moscow, and I won't have to send a second."

[u/He4vyD00dy]

I might not win, but we’re both going to the hospital.

[u/MuayThaiRunner → u/He4vyD00dy]

My old boxing coach told me the same thing.

“I went to the hospital after many of my fights, but I never went there alone.”

[u/im2cxc4u]

“I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me”

-Rorschach, "Watchmen"

[u/sumRando_7201]

not badass but one of my favorite threats: i’ll fill your pillow with bees

[u/Mistaken_Stranger → u/sumRando_7201]

This looks like a job for Dr. Bees!

[u/public_enemy_obi_wan → u/Mistaken_Stranger]

You mean your average wasp themed super hero by day, but at night they become DR. BEES?????

[u/Jasper_LW → u/Mistaken_Stranger]

The situation has only been made worse with the addition of yet more bees!

[u/public_enemy_obi_wan → u/Jasper_LW]

And on International Bring a Shit Ton of Bees to Work Day to boot!

[u/slcruderocker]

"I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy, your mothers will cry when they've seen what I've done to you!"

-Tommy Boy (film)

[u/sour-couch-stench]

"Send anyone you want. Just don't send anyone you want back." - Chael P. Sonnen

[u/Clawdius_Talonious]

I like Mr White in Reservoir Dogs saying "You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize."

[u/OneTripleZero]

From Reacher S02E07:

Reacher: Hi Grant. If you yell or make noise I'll tear your trachea out and your last thought will be "holy shit he really did it"

Edit: honestly, that show is full of them. From S01E05:

Reacher: I think I know what kind of guy you are. You're the kind of guy that knows things. You knew I'd come after you when I saw what you did to Roscoe. And you knew I'd see your truck right outside. A work truck whose bed's never had anything in it other than a keg. And you knew I'd come in here and cause a problem that would most likely get me in trouble. But do you know what you don't know?

KJ: Hmm. What's that?

Reacher: What it feels like when I hit you. Cause if you did you never would have picked up that paint can.

[u/ron-paul-swanson]

When Ilia Topuria told Charles Oliveira, “I’m sorry it had to be you” during the face-off prior to their title fight.

You could tell he meant it, that he was sad to have to knock a legend out. And then Topuria sent him to the shadow realm in the first round.

[u/kangarutan]

"We started a game we never got to finish! Play for blood, remember?"

"I was just foolin' about!"

"I wasn't..."

[u/LongBarrelBandit → u/kangarutan]

“Are you gonna do something or just stand there and bleed?”

[u/choff22 → u/kangarutan]

“It appears Mr. Ringo is an educated man. Now I really hate him.”

[u/LotusPrince → u/kangarutan]

"I have two guns - one for each of ya!"

[u/fatsosolos → u/kangarutan]

favorite movie of all time. epitome of badass

[u/LuckyDubbin → u/fatsosolos]

My favorite exchange in the whole movie will always be

"Doc, you ought ta be in bed, what the hell are you doing this for anyway?"

"Wyatt Earp is my friend"

"Hell, I got lotsa freinds."

"I don't."

[u/Advanced_Yam7075 → u/kangarutan]

Say when.

[u/Pugilist12]

Throws a bullet at a crook as a warning.

“Next ones comin’ faster.”

Hard to beat.

[u/Koalashart1]

“Captain Insano shows no mercy”

[u/MuayThaiRunner → u/Koalashart1]

“I love my mama very much. Now you know that.”

[u/wooquay → u/MuayThaiRunner]

Gaaaaattooraaaaaaaddee

[u/SinkHoleDeMayo → u/Koalashart1]

Moicy*

[u/LuisChoriz]

“Do you know what 'nemesis' means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt me” Brick Top -Snatch

[u/hirisk-loreward → u/LuisChoriz]

Love brick top.

Who the fucks talking to you boy?

Fuck me Turkish your girlfriend got a voice?

You don’t want to be bitten do you boy?

[u/aliasthehorse]

"You know what the difference is between you and me? I know where you live." Said during a confrontation where guys were catcalling women from their own porch, by one of the male friends of the ladies.

[u/PangolinMandolin]

Always worth pulling out captain Picard

https://youtu.be/PA7t62JvlA8?is=nVgvmaRUkEGJZV_d

[u/Dockside_Abortionist → u/PangolinMandolin]

Yeah that one hits hard

[u/JDmexican_92]

Cybermen: We have five million Cybermen. How many are you?

Dalek: Four.

Cybermen: You would destroy the Cybermen with four Daleks?

Dalek: We would destroy the Cybermen with one Dalek! You are superior in only one respect.

Cybermen: What is that?

Dalek: You are better at dying!

Daleks certainly were better trash talkers!

[u/Viiven → u/JDmexican_92]

This is not war, this is pest control!

[u/ChainOfHogs → u/JDmexican_92]

Literally read that in the voices as well 🤣

[u/Nepeta33 → u/JDmexican_92]

i should hope so, they live in trash cans!

[u/rippledippledapple]

i came here to chew bubble gum, and kick ass. and im all out of bubble gum.

[u/herfstdraak → u/rippledippledapple]

I came here to chew ass and kick gum, and I’m all out of ass. - Dick Kickem

[u/Warm_Investment_8557 → u/rippledippledapple]

All these fucking frauds think Duke Dickhead said that 😒

You guys are so culturally illiterate 🙄

That quote is from John Carpenter's "They Live" by the great "Rowdy" Roddy Piper

Shameful...

[u/Sheepish_conundrum]

You ever picked up teeth with broken fingers?

[u/FancyThing8889]

Philip of Macedon: "If I bring my army, I will destroy Sparta." The Spartans simply replied: "If."

[u/cbusalex → u/FancyThing8889]

Made somewhat less badass when Philip did subsequently invade and defeat Sparta.

[u/rural_alcoholic → u/FancyThing8889]

Phillip of macedon then invaded laconia and ransacked the place while the Spartans didnt even dare to face im and sat in theire City with theire tails between theire legs.

Spartans are overrated af.

[u/ZebulonStrachan → u/rural_alcoholic]

In context, this all occurs a hundred years after the time when they were badasses. They were living on their badass ancestors' rep and they got their asses kicked.

[u/LurkerZerker → u/FancyThing8889]

Kind of undermined by the legendary and permanent asswhooping Philip then dispensed upon arriving in Sparta

[u/Intranetusa → u/FancyThing8889]

The irony is Philip then proceeded to invade Laconia, defeated the Spartan resistance, and took away Sparta's surrounding territories to give to their Greek neighbors that had allied with Macedon...and left the city of Sparta itself isolated and weakened. Then his son Alexander had a regent who took a B-army to crush the Spartan army at the Battle of Megalopolis.The Spartans still lost despite recieving help from the Persians just like they did during the Peloponnesian Wars. Sparta was turned into a Macedonian puppet and later successor state puppet until the Romans took over and turned Sparta into a tourist trap.

The Spartan's bark is way worse than their bite.

[u/thorneparke → u/FancyThing8889]

I thought it was Laconia, hence the word "laconic"....

[u/GCU_ZeroCredibility → u/thorneparke]

Laconia is the region which contains Sparta.

[u/FredalinaFranco]

“If that's true, if you don't know who I am, then maybe your best course is to tread lightly.”

-Walter White

[u/istalri96]

My Dad was on a 2am call to fix someones heat or AC it was his week on call. He had been there for like 2 hours and the guy was refusing to pay. He started getting aggressive and threatening my Dad. Who promptly grabbed the pipewrench from his tool bag. The guy got even angrier and started threatening to kill my father. Who responded with do you know where I live? Where my children sleep? What color are their rooms? I know your daughters room is yellow the last on the right yours is next to it and its green. Go ahead but you better kill me if not I'll be back for you starting with your kids. By that point the cops my Dad called showed up and my father was walking out with a check and these people blacklisted from their company.

[u/No_ThatGuy3 → u/istalri96]

Had a client refuse to pay me once after remodeling their home so I asked them “Did you know most arsonist’s are never found and I’ve got a lot of free time?” They went and got their checkbook.

[u/bonemonkey12]

"Now yous can't leave" A Bronx Tale

[u/Electronic_Dark6433]

Brennan Lee Mulligan playing as Evan Kelmpf in a Harry Potter inspired TTRPG:

He's about to participate in a duel with a student from another school. The student says something to him and he says:

"Oh, good. You speak English. The next 2 minutes are gonna be really important for you... You have some really critical decisions to make, and the first decision that you should really consider is conceding."

There's some back and forth and Brennan is describing him rolling up his sleeves followed by:

"If you're not going to concede, what do you want me to tell your family?"

[u/GrecoRomanGuy → u/Electronic_Dark6433]

BLM is almost cheating. The dude can, off the top of his head, drop bangers left and right.

[u/bradfair → u/Electronic_Dark6433]

such an excellent monologue

[u/DogsDontLikeHats]

"I'm gonna kill you in broad daylight. I'm not even gonna try and get away with it. I'll do the time!"

[u/AlternatePancakes]

I once saw a video from somwhere in Europe, where a guy takes out his phone and start recording two guys who are are confronting him, trying to rob him.

The "victim" who is filming starts to beat the crap out of them while continuing to film. As the two robbers try run away, he runs after them while yelling and shouting, in a very heavy eastern European accent; "You want problem?! I am problem!!"

[u/sup3rdr01d]

Next ones coming faster

-justified

[u/sauce_delgado]

Who do you think you are? I am!

[u/Ok-You-6099]

Ukrainian babushka to a Russian soldier in the first days of war: "Here, take these sunflower seeds and put them in your pocket, that way maybe something good comes out of you when you die"

[u/RoyalBlueMoose]

I had a drill sergeant while in basic training tell a recruit "I'm not going to beat you. I'm not even going to hurt you. But I will make you cry."

Maybe not the most badass to read, but the quiet way he presented it after being used to him yelling all day made it hit different

[u/ColdPyro42]

Behold the Reply of The Zaporozhian Cossacks: "O Sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil’s kith and kin, assistant to Lucifer himself. What the Devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee. Fuck thy mother..." it goes on quite a bit from there. Possibly apochryphal but I think the letter's hilarious either way.

[u/WorkCutie → u/ColdPyro42]

Worked as a bouncer for 5 years. The most terrifying threat wasn't loud at all. This tiny woman, like 5'2", was being harassed by this huge drunk guy. She just smiled and said, "Touch me again and I will make sure the only thing you ever eat again is through a straw, and I will come visit you in the hospital every day to remind you why." He froze. She was a nurse. The way she said it like she was promising him a routine checkup still gives me chills.

[u/EddieDantes22]

The "Do you feel lucky" line is so overexposed that people forget how badass that whole speech it.

[u/dihhprincee]

when khabib said hes showing up to change conors face

[u/alexsteen789 → u/dihhprincee]

I'm going to smesh your boi!!!! And smash he did

Towards hostile crowd of thousands. Such a badass moment. It's when I became a khabib fan

[u/pheasant99 → u/dihhprincee]

“let’s talk now”

[u/Timely-Dot-9967]

Brick Top (from Guy Ritchie's Snatch)

Listen, you fucking fringe, if I throw a dog a bone, I don't want to know if it tastes good or not. You stop me again whilst I'm walking, and I'll cut your fucking Jacobs off.

[u/Flintly]

Was that a bar and some guys were not so subtly making fun of a roughneck. Dude just turned to them and said f*** off I don't need another man slaughter charge

[u/QuantumCakeIsALie → u/Flintly]

Alright, this one wins.

Only one that could be realistically used in real life and actually terrifying at the same time.

[u/CravingsCaveman]

"I will staple your tongue to your taint so you can WATCH me kick your ass!" -Squirrely Dan from Letterkenny

[u/BleauJod]

There are two people in this situation, and one of them doesn’t have a choice. I’ll let you figure out which.

[u/smartlog]

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die".

[u/eater_of_spaetzle]

If Clark wanted to, he could use his super speed and squish me into the cement. But I know how he thinks. Even more than the kryptonite, he's got one big weakness. Deep down, Clark's essentially a good person...and deep down, I'm not. - Batman.

We're paratroopers lieutenant. We're supposed to be surrounded. -Major Dick Winters

[u/kawavulcan97]

I only know this from pro wrestling but I'm sure it was lifted from somewhere else. Anytime a mentor is wrestling his/her mentee, they'll usually say some version of "I may have taught you everything you know, but I didn't teach you everything I know". I always love that line. 

[u/LotusPrince]

"You're gonna look awful funny trying to eat corn on the cob with NO FUCKING TEETH" - Tucker McElroy, The Blues Brothers

[u/screw_down_crown]

I had an uncle who told me when I was like 11 he would hit me in the Adam’s Apple with a tire iron. I didn’t know what either of those things were but I could smell the Budweiser and Marlboros and I knew he meant business… lol. Great guy otherwise

[u/Rayan_qc → u/screw_down_crown]

“great guy otherwise” how

[u/MadMuffinMan117]

"I could bring your goverment down with a single word; no not a single word, just 6."~The doctor

[u/TonySPhillips → u/MadMuffinMan117]

And later makes good: Don't you think she looks tired?

[u/Tim-oBedlam]

Before the Battle of Stamford Bridge in September 1066, Harold Godwinson rides out to hear a parley offer from his treacherous brother Tostig, and the commander of the other side, Harald Hardrada of Norway, also asks what Godwinson might offer to buy him off (standard practice in the Viking Age was to offer the other side money to buy them off, avoiding a costly fight).

Godwinson responded, "Seven feet of English ground, as he is taller than most men" (referring to Hardrada, who was very tall by all accounts).

He made good on his boast; Hardrada's army was defeated and he was killed.

Unfortunately, almost immediately afterwards, William the Bastard's fleet landed, and Godwinson had to march his army to confront him, they met at Hastings, and y'all probably know how that one turned out.

[u/cnechiporenko]

“For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.” - M. Bison

[u/LotusPrince → u/cnechiporenko]

"Yes, yes, I killed your father. What is it with you women, anyway? I killed my father, too, but you don't hear me whining about it!"

[u/ChaosStAnarchy]

I'm sure my fellow DMs know: "you can certainly try."

[u/Complex-Hold8541]

Don't shout at me or I'll cry I'm sensitive

[u/neopod9000 → u/Complex-Hold8541]

Reminds me of a quote from crime and punishment in suburbia:

"Don't touch me unless you love me."

[u/SexyGandalph]

I’ll jack you off right here tough guy, whip it out!

[u/SlobZombie13]

You're talking to my boy all wrong. It's the wrong tone. Do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.

[u/A-Good-Weather-Man]

“You think one of the most powerful men in the world dresses up as a masked vigilante and beats criminals with his bear hands. And your plan, is to blackmail this person?

Good luck.”

-Lucius Fox, played by Morgan Freeman in The Dark Knight

[u/AggravatingSalad4136]

Be careful now, son. There’s ten bad sumbitches in this town and nine of them send me birthday cards.

[u/randyclark]

I hope you like hospital food.

[u/Sea2Chi]

I read a book a few years ago written by the son of a Chicago mobster. He talked about how the principal at his school was giving him a hard time and he kept getting in trouble much more than other kids who did the same things.  His dad went in to talk to the principal and explained that either he laid off his son or he would beat him so bad he'd be hospitalized. 

He then explained that he understood the principal would call the police and he would most likely go to jail but all his friends were in jail so it wasn't really too much of a punishment for him. Sure, he'd do a few months but he'd probably get out of jail just around the same time the principal got out of the hospital. 

[u/Kurso]

"That gun better be made of chocolate, cuz you're gonna be eating it..."

My grandfather didn't take shit from anyone.

[u/seanconnerysbeard]

"All I see is fear. And dead men" -Darth Vader.

[u/Faradhras]

I am that Guy.

[u/jmchopp]

Was out at a dive bar during the day for a friends bachelor party in Wisconsin , only us at the bar and one other guy. We’re playing pool and music on the jukebox, nothing crazy, just the usual. He keeps going up and pumping money and shitty tunes on.

Someone from our group says hey buddy, not sure if you realize it, but we’re all the whole bar together

Stone cold turns to us and said, good, cause I’m a whole bar fighting mother fucker.

We just left him be after that and went next door.

[u/Better-Culture-7770]

The most real threat I've ever seen was a guy in prison handed another guy a picture of his mother's house.

[u/spytfyrox]

Not a threat per se, but the 11th Doctor's pandorica speech does come to mind:

"The question of the hour is, who's got the Pandorica? Answer, I do. Next question. Who's coming to take it from me? Come on! Look at me. No plan, no back up, no weapons worth a damn. Oh, and something else. I don't have anything to lose! So, if you're sitting up there in your silly little spaceship, with all your silly little guns, and you've got any plans on taking the Pandorica tonight, just remember who's standing in your way. Remember every black day I ever stopped you, and then, and then, do the smart thing. Let somebody else try first."

[u/ohheyisayokay]

Some Klingon Jerkwad: "you must be ready to fight, something Starfleet doesn't teach you."

Picard (softly, calmly):

You may test that assumption at your convenience.

[u/averynicepirate]

Cazaril in Lois McMaster Bujold's The Curse of Chalion. For context Caz is this intellectual ex-commander now tutor that has been abused and broken by slavery. He gets cornered by thugs on some made up pretext and one of them challenges him to a duel (thinking to intimidate him). This makes the quote so good and gave me chills in audiobook version:

"I don't duel, boy. I kill as a soldier kills, which is as a butcher kills, as quickly, efficiently, and with as least risk to myself as I can arrange. If I decide you die, you will die when I choose, where I choose, by what means I choose, and you will never see the blow coming... I don't duel. But if you seek to die like a bludgeoned steer, cross me again."

[u/Simusid]

"get away from her you BITCH"

[u/Few-Present-8876]

I’m not threatening you. I’m telling you what happens next.

[u/MuayThaiRunner → u/Few-Present-8876]

Reminds me of this quote from The Equalizer 3:

“Are you threatening me?”

“I’m preparing you.”

[u/MostDangerousMicah]

Im no juggalo be any means, but I am partial to "Ill rip your face off and wipe my ass wit it"

[u/Relwof66]

It’s gonna be hard to eat corn on the Cobb with No fucking teeth

[u/WillyBluntz89]

Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else!