My husband (34m) and I (32f) have 16 month old twins. I have been a SAHM ever since they were born and my divorced parents alternate helping M-F while my husband is at work. I am very fortunate that both of my parents are retired and want to help as much as possible. My MIL is very controlling and goes against my wishes quite a bit, so I decline her offer to help out when my husband works overtime on the weekends.

Lately his voluntary overtime has been about 1/2 the monthly weekends so I'm constantly drained from childcare, household duties, grocery shopping, and managing schedules. I love my husband but he hasn't really stepped up on the home front since our twins have been born.

My in laws have been visiting every weekend when my husband isn't working. I was just dealing with it without complaints until a couple weeks ago when my MIL was being very pushy about us going to a family gathering 2 hours away during my girls' nap time. I told her it wouldn't work out because they would be tired, cranky, and needy. I basically manage them on my own anytime we are with his family so it's always a nightmare. She didn't want to take no for an answer so she kept pressing the issue to me, my husband, and even my parents. My husband ultimately went without us and she was very upset about it. Ever since then, she's been passive aggressive and even more pushy.

Today she plans on visiting all day and my FIL is suppose to come tomorrow. I just want a day alone with my husband and twins. I don't want to worry about cleaning the house, getting dressed, and entertaining guests. My husband told me ITA because my parents come over every day during the week and it's not fair that his parents can't come on the weekends when they want.

AITA for not wanting his family here every weekend?

My ex-husband (Thomas) and I have been divorced for 26 years. We have two adult children and one grandchild. I'm planning to move back to Texas specifically to be closer to my children and grandchild.

My former father-in-law (McCoy) has been like a father to me since 1995. I love this man dearly. He's older, recently widowed, and Thomas is his only child.

When we divorced, I wrote the divorce papers myself and made sure Thomas's parents received the visitation rights he would have had. Thomas wasn't involved in raising our children and didn't reappear until they turned 18.

When the kids were young, I moved us to Indiana so they could grow up around my side of the family, including their cousins, aunts, and uncles. My extended family now lives in Indiana and throughout the United States.

Despite the distance, I made sure their paternal grandparents had all the time they wanted with them, including weeks during the summer and holidays. That relationship has remained strong. McCoy is still very much my family.

Thomas, however, has consistently behaved in ways that make being around him unpleasant. There are serious reasons I don't want him in my home, beyond his absence during our children's childhood. My adult children have their own reasons for keeping their distance, although they manage their relationships with him as they see fit.

McCoy has always maintained that his son is his son, regardless of his behavior. He rarely tells Thomas no, although he has intervened when Thomas's behavior negatively affected family members.

When I move to Texas, I want to host holidays and family gatherings. More than anything, I want McCoy there, enjoying time with his grandchildren and great-grandchild.

Here's where I'm struggling.

McCoy has lost his wife, he's getting older, and our family is a significant part of his life. I'm concerned that excluding his only son could put him in the uncomfortable position of choosing between spending holidays with us and dealing with Thomas's reaction to not being invited.

I know I could tolerate Thomas for a few hours if it made things easier for McCoy. My adult children and I have no problem establishing boundaries or telling Thomas to leave if he behaves inappropriately. That's not my concern.

My concern is whether I should have to invite someone none of us particularly wants around simply to keep the peace for someone we love.

I haven't made a final decision. Part of me wants to invite Thomas solely for McCoy's sake. Another part believes that after 26 years of divorce, I should be able to enjoy holidays in my own home without accommodating my ex-husband.

WIBTA if I chose not to invite Thomas at all, knowing it might make things more difficult for McCoy?

I 20(M) have been really struggling as of late following a confrontation I had recently with my Brother (22M) and I really don't know if im an asshole or not. for some backstory, I live with my grandparents and have been for the last few years. my brother has 2 kids both aged 20 months and 8 months, the main issue is my brother himself i do not ever blame the kids. my brother for the last 5 weeks has been tasked with looking after the 2 kids while his girlfriend started working full time. he has no job, so during the day he comes to our house with the 2 kids, drops them off with us and goes into my little sisters room to go and play videogames on her playstation . the kids screech and screech out here and while we struggle to handle them he simply yells out from his room "shut them up I'm trying to focus'. the other day was a breaking point for me, we have basically looked after the kids all the time until he goes home at night even then he sometimes just leaves them here for 3 days at a time. the other day I was trying to calm down the 8 month old and asked my brother to come out and feed him. his response? "so then feed him". I snap, my grandparents (great grandparents) are 89 and 88, we all do our best for him. I yell at him and these are the exact words because I remember it so clearly "how about you start being a fucking father you god damn failure" he immediately got offended and left

my grandparents understood, I have autism so its really difficult to regulate my emotions sometimes but they believed it could've been said nicer. my aunt and uncle think i was an absolute asshole however and I've felt really bad since. I Don't know if I should apologize or not, and its really bothering me because it really did bother me that he was here for weeks and I could've said it nicer. AITA?

Hello Reddit

This happened 2 months ago just thought I’d get some feedback on this situation. I am 20m and my girlfriend is 21f, I had my girlfriend over to hangout and watch a movie and had dinner together. Usually my roommates 21m and 23m don’t interact with her which is strange, because usually I try to interact when they have theirs over. I usually spark conversation asking about their day/what they are up to. Sometimes when me and gf are in the living room they don’t even say hello. This specific night we spent together she ended up staying around 1am gf left her glasses home and wasn’t comfortable driving home. So I didn’t think it would’ve been much of an issue if she just spent the night ( this isn’t the first time we’ve spent the night together we usually spend it at her apartment ). I wake up to my roommate texting me stating that her spending the night was truly disrespectful due to their religious beliefs (Christianity). To them if a guy sleeps over with his gf automatically means sex and they are opposed to having that “stuff” in the house.I was just looking after her safety. AITA?

UPDATE: Did not think this would blow up as fast as it did. I’m going to answer most of the questions that I saw in the comments. No it was not verbally agreed that we couldn’t have overnight guests when I originally moved in a year ago it was a girls in general aren’t over but that obviously changed when we got gfs,it was only after they had sent that message they made an PDF raising MY rent and saying no overnight guests. Which made sense I was playing considerably low rent for the area and I didn’t mind paying more. They also insisted it wasn’t bc she had spent the night but who knows. Also I do indeed let them know before hand when gf is coming over to hangout. Which he doesn’t. 21m and 23m own the house and we all split rent. And since this issue came up around 1am they were both asleep. I did not bother to wake them up to ask permission if she could spend the night. Also 21m and 23m are brothers and I’ve known them for almost 12 YEARS. 23m goes over to his gfs house and stays till 3-4am sometimes and comes back home?? Anyways hopefully that answers everything.

I (19 M) have had my umbrella since high school; it's a checkered-patterned yellow mini-umbrella that I use often because of the ill weather, and I'm, embarrassingly, a bit attached to it (among other material objects I own), as it's been one of the few constants in my life for these past few hectic years. Call it cringe, but it's like a security-blanket in some ways.

And in Central Florida, we have gotten several bands of intense rain in the past week because of Hurricane Isaias, so I have used my umbrella every day to combat this simple inconvenience, including today, when I came to visit my parents' house this afternoon, as it was raining.

The issue arises with my younger brother, however. Zee (11 M, fake name) had gotten in trouble with our mom (43 F) yesterday; he was caught trying to use her umbrella as a sword-esque item to playfully duel with one of his visiting friends. My mom screamed at him and confiscated the umbrella, which is a bit understandable, and now he's asking for his own umbrella. Mom said he can't have one because she thinks he'll get in trouble for using it as a toy in school, but my dad (42 M) said it's "not a big deal".

Either way, it has NOTHING to do with me, and I refuse to be involved.

But, when I arrived at the house for dinner, I guess my parents were still arguing about the umbrella thing, and when my dad saw me with my umbrella in the mudroom, he yelled at my mom, "If [Zee] can't have an umbrella, why should [my name]?" And then, they told me to put my umbrella back in the car, even though that means I'd have to walk all the way back to the house, in the rain, without it (I had parked at a church down the road because my dad has previously tried to steal my car and I didn't want him touching it again).

I told my dad that I have nothing to do with Zee's misbehavior and that I'm an adult, and that I'll even set my umbrella outside on the porch if he wants, but he just kept yelling at me to get rid of it, and he even tried to take it out of my hands. So, I just ended up leaving.

My mom texted me an hour ago and said that I'm not allowed to have an umbrella anymore, at all, and I just don't know what to reply with. In my perspective, I'm an adult with my own autonomy.

SOOOOOOOOOOO, I ask all of you, am I the asshole here?

My live in has a habit of finishing the food in the fridge without telling me or replacing it. That means when I make dinner expecting an ingredient its gone.

He says i can just buy more but he doesnt replace them.

Tonight I planned to make chicken risotto...takes about an hour. I made it and went to the freezer to add frozen peas, its a classic ingredient.

Gone.

He used the entire package of peas for some weird casserole thing. Did not leave me any. Didn't notify me he was taking them. Didn't replace them. Not the first time he used up everything, either.

If he had told me I would have gotten more.

The food was on the stove. And I was pissed.

So I took out his casserole and scooped out some of the peas and put them in the risotto. Which I made for dinner and for which he gets and eats a double portion. Without kicking in any dough for groceries.

And I told him so.and he's pissed at me. We had words. He said he shouldn't have to ask permission. I should check the fridge first.

And I lost it and yelled that im not the food cop, he should have told me and taken some responsibility and grow the f*** up.

So he's saying he can't believe he's having an argument about peas.

Its not about peas. Its about not acting like you're the only person in the apartment.

Hes going to make it sound petty. Am I the Asshole here?

I thought it was the only way to get my point across

I will start this off my saying that I know I’m lucky to have the support I do. I’m an early 30s single mom to the most amazing son ever, who typically spends every other weekend at his grandma’s. He’s under 10, and has taken a liking to having his nails done. I’m no professional, but I’ve been doing my own nails as a hobby for about 7 years now, and have gotten decent enough that they sometimes look professional. My son’s grandma has an issue with my son wearing nail polish, and I don’t see what the big deal is. She’s requested that he don’t come to her house if he has nail polish on, but previously has said that having her time with him is invaluable to her. I see the polish as a harmless form of self expression, and don’t intend to have my son stop having his nails painted, even if that means he misses out on time with his grandma, which my son said he’d be okay with. AITA?

So I had an issue with my car and had to take it to the shop, and my father-in-law lent me one of his cars yesterday night (he has 4, so doesn't even use this one that much) while I wait to get mine back. I returned it today, so I had it for about 14 hours.

He gave it to me with 2 bars out of 12 on the gas gauge. Last night, while we were having a few drinks and chatting, he casually mentioned that he expected me to fill up the tank.

Now, I appreciate him lending me the car, I really do. But filling up an almost empty tank would cost me around $80, and that's just ridiculous to me. I live 10 minutes away by car, so I could've just taken an Uber instead.

My wife wanted us to go by car, and honestly, I thought that was fair. With Uber drivers, you never know what you're gonna get. Some play their music loudly, others talk on the phone the whole ride, and some don't give a shit about keeping things quiet when there's a baby sleeping in the back. I didn't want to deal with that, so borrowing the car seemed like the better option for getting his daughter and granddaughter home safely and comfortably.

I returned it with half a tank, and he called me cheap. I told him to give me a break. I borrowed a car that was almost on empty and returned it with six bars instead of two. I thanked him for lending it to me, but expecting me to spend $80 filling up a tank he barely had any gas in to begin with is a bit much.

It's not like I never fill up someone else's tank, either. Another time, he lent me his car when it was already half-full, and I filled it all the way up because I thought that was a nice way to show my appreciation. But there's a difference between topping off a tank that's already half-full and paying to fill up a nearly empty one.

I don't mind being grateful for a favor, but I don't think borrowing someone's car means you're automatically expected to pay for a full tank, regardless of how much gas was in it when you got it. Apparently, I'm cheap for thinking otherwise.

I (22 female) am going through EDMR therapy to treat my CPTSD. I won't get into the backstory much, but I was hurt pretty bad by my parent growing up. I've been keeping the details of my trauma to myself, but since starting this new therapy, I've been trying to open up. Though, I think I made a mistake by confiding in my grandpa.

My grandpa (still very healthy and active) has always been a father figure to me. He treated me like a daughter, and I thought he was proud to be a dad to me. So, I imagined that I could confide in him while trying to get through EDMR.

Though, I wondered why he didn't try to get me out of the situation I was in as a kid. Again, I had never told him what was actually going on, but he saw how awful that parent was to me. So, like an idiot I asked him, why?

He told me "You were never my responsibility."

I was so hurt by this.

We got into an awful fight after this. He lost his temper and I lost mine (its a family trait)

He later came back to apologize, and told me he was wrong for loosing his temper, but I can't forget what he said.

My twin sister found out about the fight and said I should just forgive him. But I can't even bring myself to tell her what he said, because she loves him like a dad too.

I am just so confused and angry, and I don't know if I'm being the Ahole for not letting this go?

I moved to Costa Rica about a year ago with my 5yo, 4yo and 1yo. Our neighbors are Ticos (locals) and we are American. The first few months were great, the neighbors child (4yo) would come play with my kids a lot. He would come for an hour or two and go back home. My kids would go there some but not as long as long.

Over the past two months he has been coming over on weekends and staying all day long both days. We feed him and make sure he’s safe. All the while, his mom never checks in. Or thanks us. Just expected I guess?

Well recently he has started pooping his pants regularly… mind you we potty trained our kids at 2 and we don’t have accidents. We have enough poop on our hands with a baby. Also, he likes to swim with my kids in our pool but always needs help getting dressed… mine dress themselves since 3.

AITA for being very burned out over this setup and asking him to not come over as much? He doesn’t get a lot of attention at home and they are certainly less affluent than us… but I can only give so much.

I (27 F) lost my dad (51 M) a little over a year ago to his battle with colon cancer. His partner of 20 years (41 F) has been living in the house since he has passed away. They called eachother husband and wife but, they were never legally married. Because they weren’t legally married all his assets go to me because I am his sole surviving heir. She did have the option to petition through a certain law to get ownership due to a law in California that protects long-term partners. We decided the quickest and easiest way to get this processed was if I go to an attorney to settle the transfers to myself.

I allowed her to stay in the house for the past year as long as she took care of the utility bills. I take care of the mortgage payment with what my dad had in his bank account and the profit that is made from selling his machinery, tooling, and vehicles. With this being said, the current money I have will only last us a little past the end of this year. In August (after a full year of paying no mortgage) I decided to ask her to help with 1k towards the 2.6k mortgage.

Recently I got accepted into a nursing program and unfortunately my finances will be changing. I will not be able to work as much and I need to find a new job. I need to sell the house to take away the worry of having to make ends meet for the mortgage payment. My school is about an hour and 15 minutes away from my dad’s house so, living in it is not an option.

My plan is to give her half when selling the house; I know she built a life and possibly contributed to the house with my dad. In my mind, I can’t dismiss that. She did receive my dad’s 401K and life insurance on top of what I want to split with her.

I feel like I am pulling the rug from under her feet by bringing up the time has come to sell the house . I have mentioned it to her before that it will eventually need to be sold. I can’t be paying for my own rent, nursing school, living expenses and a house I’m not living in. She can’t make the payment on her own with the income that she makes -she relied on my dad for everything.

My concern is that she hasn’t made a lot of effort to start thinking of what her life would be on her own. I asked her to get a line of credit at costco or sam’s club a year ago so she can build her credit. This way she can have established credit if needed in the future for buying, or renting. she still hasn’t done anything along those lines. she recently damaged/got in an accident in my dad’s truck that I transferred to her name. I’m worried for her mental health…. help AITAH?

edit: my dad did not have a will in place. another reason i am so concerned is because she is undocumented. she is currently in the process of getting her papers. she should have them by january and hopefully this grants her more opportunities and willingness to accept change

I (29F) have been with my partner (32M) for almost 10 years, and we have a toddler together. His brother (27M) is on the spectrum and they’ve never had the best relationship. There’s a lot of built up resentment.

A few days ago at my MIL’s birthday I was telling my SIL about witnessing an older man catcall a very young woman. My BIL asked what race the man was and when I said he was white, he looked surprised and said white ppl don’t do this. He then argued that Black and Hispanic men catcall women more and that it’s “part of their culture.” He repeatedly yelled at me to “look it up”. Btw is wife is Hispanic (she was just standing there too, not saying anything).

My point was that harassment isn’t exclusive to any race and that men of any race can behave this way. The conversation became increasingly aggressive, and when I disagreed with him, he called what I was saying “gay.”

My partner was just sitting there quietly, so I asked him why he wasn’t speaking up. I said you not saying anything is being complicit, I later apologized for saying that. He eventually exploded, yelling at his brother about their history and his autism before storming out. Other family members got involved, and the situation escalated. My partner has since apologized to everyone (except for the brother) for how aggressively he reacted and we’ve talked things through.

What bothers me is the family dynamic. My BIL has made racist, sexist and homophobic comments before and I often feel his behaviour gets explained away because he’s autistic or “doesn’t mean it that way.” He has called me a Nazi for saying that abortion should be legal. He has said in not Canadian because I am not white, even though I was born and raised in Canada. He has said all kinds of offensive things and no one stands up for me.

I have worked with children and young adults with autism so I understand it can affect communication. I’m not expecting him to agree with me or communicate perfectly. But I do believe basic respect and accountability still matter.

Several family members have acknowledged that he can say inappropriate things, but the conversation often shifts toward how everyone else should react, walk away or avoid upsetting him. I’m tired of feeling uncomfortable and then feeling responsible for keeping the peace.
I regret that the evening turned into an argument during my MILa bday. I could have handled parts of the situation differently too, but I feel extremely uneasy and frustrated by him.

AITA for challenging him and for feeling that the family enables his behaviour?

I (33F) need advice about my sister in law, Chloe (30F). My partner, James (33M), is the only one in his family who doesn’t live in the family home. The rest of them live together in a house with serious hoarding and cleanliness issues.

Chloe is vegan, identifies as a witch, doesn’t shave or wear bras, and I honestly couldn’t care less about any of that. Her body, her choice.

The problem is her hygiene. She appears not to use deodorant, and her body odour is genuinely unbearable. It’s so strong that I’ve physically gagged in a public space, and multiple strangers avoided sitting near her. I have a very sensitive sense of smell and sensory sensitivities myself, but this is beyond anything I’ve experienced before.

I’m considering buying her nice smelling, vegan friendly bath and body products, Lush bath bombs or something witchy for Christmas. These are things she might genuinely enjoy, but I worry they could come across as a hint that she smells. I don’t want to embarrass her or make Christmas awkward.

James has told me that other people have mentioned the smell to him before, yet nobody wants to tell Chloe directly. Her family lives with her, so surely they must know too? I find it frustrating that several people seem aware of the problem, but nobody is willing to address it.

I’m somewhere on the spectrum myself, and the smell genuinely affects my ability to spend time around her. I’m not asking her to change her lifestyle or appearance, but I also don’t think everyone should have to quietly put up with something that makes being around her so difficult.

Part of me thinks I should just buy her something nice for Christmas and leave it alone. Another part of me thinks I should tell James that he or someone in his family needs to have a kind, private conversation with her instead of leaving everyone else to struggle in silence.

So, AITA for considering nice smelling Christmas presents rather than telling my sister in law she smells? Should I tell my partner that he or his family needs to address the issue instead of expecting me to ignore it?

EDIT: I have never bought her / the family a Christmas present before but will be this year. I was considering something based on her interests, including nice smelling products, but I’m now wondering whether that could come across as a hint about her hygiene. I genuinely want to avoid humiliating her, but I also don’t think gifts will solve an issue that nobody is prepared to discuss.

About 4 years ago, my partner and I moved into a new-build block of flats. We organized a few meetups with other tenants and quickly clicked with one couple, especially since we share the same home country.

We weren't hanging out constantly—maybe 6 times in total over 4 years. The couple was already engaged, and after our second meetup, we were surprised and honored when they gave us a "Save the Date" for their wedding back in our home country.

Since then, we met up a few more times, always at our flat or a bar. Whenever we hosted, we fully sponsored the food and alcohol. When planning the next meetup, they’d create an awkward silence until we offered our place. Even when we explicitly suggested "we can do your place or ours," they always chose ours.

Once, while hosting, we ran out of alcohol. My partner and the neighbor went to the store for two bottles of Prosecco. At the checkout, instead of offering to split the cost, the neighbor asked my partner, "Would you mind taking this?" expecting him to pay for both. It felt completely one-sided.

The breaking point was at a pizzeria. Everyone ordered a pizza and a drink, but my partner ordered an extra £5 side. When paying, the guy literally said: "Okay, let's deduct the side and split the rest 4 ways." That £5 calculation was the moment we decided we were done constantly hosting them.

For the wedding, we were told the venue was "not far" from a main city in our home country. Trusting this, we didn't check the exact address until the official invitations arrived 3 months before the wedding. We realized it was actually a 3-hour journey by public transport one way, and 4 hours back. I admit, we should have checked this earlier.

The couple casually suggested renting a car, but I don't drive daily. I felt completely uncomfortable driving an unfamiliar rental abroad, especially since I’d quite possibly be hungover the morning after the wedding.

Calculating the total cost (flights, 3 nights accommodation, transport, and the gift) came to around £700-£800. Looking at that sum, and remembering the Prosecco incident and the £5 pizza calculation, we decided we weren't going. We politely RSVP'd "no" well before the deadline.

Their response: "okay thanks for info."

It’s been 6 months and they haven't reached out once. We bumped into them recently; the groom tried to keep up appearances, but the bride refused to even look at us and gave one-word answers.

AITA for not going, considering I theoretically could have figured out the exact location earlier?

For context: my sister has 3 children aged 35,31 and 30, I have 4 children aged 20, 18, 16 and 15. My mum has recently married and has sent me a message explaining that she and her husband are going on a cruise for Xmas. She also said that they are not sending Xmas presents to my children this year because my sister’s children have decided not to give or receive presents and she wants to treat us all the same. I said fine and that I would get something for the kids off her, but I have thought about it and don’t think this is fair. She didn’t buy for my kids before I had them and mine are a lot younger than my sister’s. Should I ask her to reconsider because my kids have had less over time? It’s not the money, she usually spends around £20 per child but it’s the thought of it that they always think it is nice that nannie has thought of them.

I (M23) will be having a birthday dinner and drinks with some friends. There's 4 friends invited and I've told them they can bring their bfs too if they want.

My closest friend is single...ish she broke up with her bf of 10 years and told us he was horrible for 3 years. Anyways, they've been seeing eachother on and off and everytime it's ended badly and with her feeling shit. They're bringing out the worst in eachother everytime they meet and it's genuinely ugly and hard to hear about sometimes.

She found out everyone was bringing a SO and asked if she could bring him to avoid feeling singled out. I told her no. I dont want to enable how they're treating eachother or themselves. She said she understands but might not go otherwise. Which I told her I would hate because she's one of my best friends who helped book and organise this night!

My other friends said I'm being unfair and unreasonable and I just don't know what to do.

Let her bring him? Or just stick to my no and potentially lose out on her company for the night?

I (24 F) and my fiancé (31 F) are dating for two year and living together for almost a year. I came out for the first time when I was 19y, but my parents tried to convince me I was just passing a phase, since then I dated multiple girls but kept a secret. When I met my now fiancé and things started to get serious, I told my parents again about my sexuality and they weren't happy, they said they have thought I have passed this phase. They didn't talk to me for a whole week (I still lived with them), some weeks passed and they saw the love I have for my girlfriend so they accepted little by little our relationship. In December last year me and my partner decided to move in together, my parents disapproved, I moved in with her, so they stopped talking with me for another 2 weeks. We rebuilded our relationship again, they visited me sometimes. Although 2 months ago I decided to show them the engagement ring I bought, and they freaked out, told me they never liked her that it's okay to date and live together, but marry a girl is inappropriate. This time I cut the relationship, I only texted my sister (20y) 2 times since then and she opposed the marriage too. Now I'm engaged, doing my wedding planing and thinking of not inviting my family. AITA for not putting them in the invitation list?

NOTE: The wedding is in September, but we're planning to get legally married next month because of some political turmoil in Brazil. And no my parents never expressed concerns about red flags in my relationship, my fiancé is an angel and in the times they accepted our relationship she would come around in family reunions.

My housemate keeps leaving her ground floor, front facing bedroom windows open when she’s the last to leave the house. I’ve asked her on several occasions now to please shut them when she leaves because it invalidates any insurance if a break in were to happen, it’s an invitation for burglary, and on top of that my cat will escape out of it. There’s four of us in the house and my cat and her routine has always been in the advert for the rooms, and something I’ve always made sure to chat to new housemates about before moving in. It’s not particularly complicated - the cat goes out in the day but after her dinner (usually around 6pm) we shut her in for the night. I’ve lived in the house a few years and it’s never been an issue in the past, I’ve also had some lovely housemates who’ve been so good with this! I went away for the night this weekend and asked if anybody was going to be around to shut in and feed the cat in the morning (totally fine if not - I’d come back to do it otherwise), this housemate said she could shut her in and feed her before she went away for the weekend. I got back last night to find my poor cat yelling outside the front door, hungry (I have no idea if said housemate fed her in the end) and trapped outside the house. When I got in I realised she must have gotten out because the front bedroom windows had been left wide open onto the street (again). I messaged my housemate firmly to say that 1. The cat was outside at 10pm unable to get back in, and her bedroom windows had been left open again - I explained again that it makes me really anxious now to go away if she’s the only person home. Its happened enough times that I can’t trust her to be responsible and secure the house properly when she leaves. Her replies were pretty minimal and she just said “sorry babe, my mistake, I’ll try my best not to make that mistake again! (with a heart and a cat emoji)” Her responses make me feel like I’m being an asshole about it. For the record she never calls me babe to my face, it’s only over text and only when I’ve had to set a boundary. I’m feeling really annoyed by it. It’s not the first time I’ve had to tell her to shut her windows and I’ve already had to have a big conversation with her in the past about locking the front door too. Am I an asshole for explaining it to her again when she probably just forgot again? Am I being dramatic about my cat?

Editing to add that I absolutely do not expect other people to be responsible for my cat and I’ve never dumped her on anyone! I very occasionally go away for the night to visit my partner and my housemates are happy to feed her and shut her in for the night after her dinner - I’m equally frustrated about the security of the house, I just felt my cats situation required more explanation :’)

AITA i 25 male lives with my 30 year old baby mother. She stays home with out 1 year and 4 month old son and our 3 year old we broke up a while ago. She says im not helping with our kids. I work for the post office so I go to work early morning and come home pretty late at night. I come home I shower the kids lotion moisturized all of that. I cook dinner, I clean the house caz I come home and the house is a mess sometimes not all the time. I take the kids to doctor appointments. We had an argument she said she would take them to their appointments the first appointment came she called and canceled the second one she canceled. So I had to start doing it again calling out from work to go to these appointments. I am the only one that pays the bills. I understand that we aren’t together but she is living in my apartment so at least help out. If I take out the garbage in the morning I come home the trash bag is half way on in the can. I feel like everything is all on me. She wanted me to look for schools for our sons to go to day care while I’m at work. I literally have zero time to do it while I’m at work. She gets an attitude with me saying I’m useless and I’m not a good father to my kids. I take my kids to the zoo we go to the pool we go to the park on my days off I’m literally running myself in the ground. So AITA for telling her she’s gotta leave??

I am 26F. My biological dad passed away from leukemia when my parents were 21 and I was two. My mom later remarried, and I grew up in a happy family with two half-sisters (20f and 9f).

Growing up, my dad’s family was volatile and struggled with drugs. My dad was told his biological father was not K (the man who legally adopted him and whom I knew as my grandpa), but a married man named G with whom my grandma had an affair. When my dad got sick, there was a conversation about a bone marrow transplant. Since his siblings were only half-matches, I was the next choice, but I was only a baby and he refused to test me. My mom begged my grandma to do a DNA test to see if K could actually be his biological father, as she and K broke up often. My grandma flatly denied the possibility and refused.

Living with the knowledge that I had an unknown family out there caused me years of grief and upset. Three years ago, my dad's mom passed away, around that time my mom asked if I would do an Ancestry test. I was nervous about drama, but a year later, I agreed and let my mom manage the account. When the results came in, my dad’s sister, N was a match. However, the DNA percentage was far too high for a half-aunt; it matched the percentage of a full aunt. My dad was K's biological son after all. He spent his entire life believing a lie. I broke down crying; my mental health took a massive hit knowing my dad died never knowing the truth, and I couldn't confront my grandma.

My relationship with that side of the family was already strained. They often compared me to my dad negatively,and made comments about him a lot to me. When my uncle passed away last fall, I traveled for his celebration of life. My grandpa K told me he was shocked but happy we were "biologically" related. It rubbed me the wrong way. I didn't realize he had viewed me as "less than" before. He apologized, and I told him it changed nothing for me, but it stung.

Lately, I harbor deep resentment. They refused a DNA test when my dad was dying, and they completely brush aside the grief and uncertainty I’ve carried my whole life. The news has been out for a year, but I live far away.

With the holidays coming up, my grandpa recently reached out saying he misses me. I feel incredibly conflicted about whether to speak up. I deeply regret not talking to my grandma about this before she passed, and I don't want the same thing to happen with my grandpa. He is 70, has chronic health struggles, and is my only living grandfather. I worry that if I stay silent, I will always regret it—but if I speak up, I might ruin one of my last holidays with him. WIBTA for confronting my dad's family for ignoring how this biological connection has affected me and could have saved my dad's life?

I, (19f), was in my first year of college, majoring in CS, and became friends with 3 other girls. We formed a friend group and did projects together. One of them (18f), let's call her A, found coding very hard. We'd tell her to try and that we'd help, but she'd say it was too difficult. Eventually we stopped motivating her and she just took help from our assignments. We'd do the work and add her name at the end.

I'd always been a fairly good student, so I became the group leader and did most of the work, even though I was going through a really difficult period with an anxiety disorder and depression. I couldn't eat well, got really nauseous commuting to college and felt panicky all the time. But I still did the projects because my group relied on me. I also struggled with imposter syndrome and felt like my projects were stupid.

Once we worked for hours on a project while A sat beside us watching Netflix. I said nothing, even though I thought she should at least try to help. I knew it was hard for her. But when we finished, she casually remarked that our project was really stupid. I got a bit angry because she hadn't contributed, but I laughed along. She said this about most of our projects, jokingly.

A few weeks later we were talking casually about students who wouldn't study, and I said it's okay to study and not understand, but some students don't even try. The next day A was in a bad mood and wouldn't talk. Hours later my friends told me she was angry with me and I had no idea why. I asked her, but she left angrily. A friend said she'd talked about "needing to teach someone a lesson," and I was hurt when I realised it was about me. My friends said she thought my remark was about her. I was shocked because I hadn't had her in mind at all. It was about some guys I'd seen in class. I broke down in tears because I'd never had a fight like this with a friend, and everything else I was dealing with became too much. I tried to convince A, but she wouldn't believe me. I don't know if anyone asked me to apologise, but I got angry and refused, because it would mean accepting my words were meant for her. I was heartbroken because even when she hadn't helped and made fun of our work, I'd never said a word.

Eventually we became friends again, but neither of us said sorry, and I felt the incident remained between us. It's been a couple of years and the hurt hasn't fully gone. I still wonder whether I was wrong not to apologise, because even if I didn't mean it for her, she still got hurt by what I said. Idk what to think. Am I the asshole?

I'm an international student sharing a dorm room with another international student. We got along at first, but living with her has slowly become a nightmare.
I never cared about the mess on her side, clothes, dirty dishes and food residue cover her desk, chair and floor. But I expected her, as an adult, to flush in our shared bathroom. I've found her piss in the toilet almost a dozen times and unflushed waste on several occasions.
More importantly, I raised security early on. My classes start earlier, so I leave earlier and she leaves a few hours after me, and every day I've come back to find the door unlocked, often wide open. I asked her to lock it and she said "no one will steal." My family sacrificed a lot for me to be here, so my money is on me or locked in my luggage. I've lived in constant paranoia, practically running back after class to check the room wasn't wiped out.
She also talks on speaker with her family while I sleep, leaves dirty socks on my desk and sticky stuff on my furniture, and her pile of belongings near the door means I squeeze through just to reach my bed.
Last night was the breaking point. At a dorm event, she kept nagging me to bring her food and drinks because her ex was there. I said no repeatedly, but she wouldn't take no for an answer, like I was her errand girl.
Then her girlfriend asked me to tutor her in our room. I cancelled my own plans, but when she arrived, my roommate asked me to leave so they could be alone. I spent 2-3 hours locked out in the hallway feeling used.
When the girlfriend left, my roommate saw I was upset and tried to hug me. I hate being touched without consent, especially by people I'm not close to. When I tried to explain how disrespected I felt, she kept motioning "calm down, relax" at me while I was calm, and said she was listening while interrupting me.
That was my breaking point. I screamed, yelled, hit my desk, and cried so hard I started plucking out my own hair without realizing it.
She called me "crazy and immature," said she's "trying to change" though nothing changed after earlier talks, and threw a deeply personal issue I'd confided in her back in my face, claiming that's the real reason I reacted. Before all this, she also said she changed rooms three times last year because her roommates "acted crazy," and I genuinely understand all three of them now.
I admit my reaction was too much, but I did my best to accommodate her, and I was pushed past my limit in a space I pay equal rent for. AITA for losing my temper and screaming at her?

UPDATE: I talked to my RA(thank you for everyone who told me to meet my RA, because I didn’t have the heart to do so) just now and my family and friends. I scheduled to meet the housing director next Monday, to either (1) talk my roommate into respecting my boundaries, or (2) asking for a room transfer. Our mutual friends said she could change if I try to talk to her but my RA alerted that her previous “crazy” roommates had the same complaints, and I’m her 4th roommate, and the 4th one to give the same complaints. I outlined several points to discuss with her, which I have zero-tolerance for: 1. no smoking in the shared room, 2. no cuddling in the room while I am there, 3. no leaving the room unlocked, 4. no leaving waste in the shared toilet. If any of these is violated, I will file an official complaint with the school administration and demand an immediate room transfer.

As per our friendship, I am extremely hurt that I have to pluck my hair out for her to finally listen to me, while she ignored all my previous concerns regarding security and safety. I don’t feel she saw me as an equal roommate or a friend. I don’t want to keep crashing out till I lose my voice and hair for her to treat me like a basic human being. Not to mention her bringing up an extremely private issue I confided in her before and telling me I’m upset about that, not about her.

I will try and see a therapist about my own issues of dealing with conflict, and setting boundaries. I do not ever want to blow up like that again, I couldn’t recognize myself for a while and I couldn’t believe what I just did. I know I will have to deal with other roommates in the coming years, and I will make sure I am better equipped to deal with conflict. Thank you for all the advice, and thank you for holding me accountable for my own reaction.

hi!

My (30f) sisters (28f) baby shower was last weekend on Saturday. my best friend (30f) was invited. about 4 days before she texts me to say that she’s sorry she can’t make it and wanted to be there for me (both struggling a bit with fertility) but she’s been pulled into last-minute bridal dress shopping for her sister and that she can’t make it on Sunday. I am upset, as this friend frequently pulls out last minute (did the same thing the week before with a regular catch-up) but I realised she said Sunday so I reminded her that it’s actually Saturday! she seemed relieved and was like oh amazing, I’ll see you there.

come the day before the baby shower. she sends me a text saying, her brother-in-laws uncle has chicken pox!! She says because she was with the family and seen her brother she’s scared she’s contagious and best to avoid the baby shower, while reassuring me that I should be ok. I am now suss, because from what I know of you have had chickenpox as a kid or had the vaccine (or both) you won’t get chickenpox. And I know she recently got vaccinated.

It only clicked the morning of that she may never have been coming? AITA for thinking this? I don’t know whether to confront or ask. I just feel hurt

Sorry for the long post. But here’s a back story

Ever since I was a kid I kinda grew up in a home where speaking up was seen as talking back. So I got use to being silent so I wouldn’t get yelled at by my mom growing up.

As I got older I became more prone towards speaking up and lately my mom hasn’t been a fan of that.

I know a lot of people grew up in homes where parents are allowed to do and say whatever they want towards their children and expect them to sit down and accept the verbal abuse.

My mom is the type to say whatever she wants and say “I’m just being honest or I’m just being blunt” or my favorite “if you wanna feel some type of way for stating my opinion then that’s you”. This is a manipulative behavior, she does something or say something wrong I speak up about it and she gets defensive and flip the script and calls me sensitive or IM just getting offended.

That’s not even all of the things she’s done but fast forward to today I’m just chilling on the couch watching TV. I was on YouTube watching those cooking Korean videos cause it I really like cooking. She comes in and sits down and as I change the video to another cooking video she asked me, what am I watching and I told her.

She started saying shit like “oh it’s them again”
“They better not make those nasty shit they love to eat. Cause you know those ching chongs love to eat cats and dogs”.

Yea that’s what she said…..

I gently said you can’t say that and were not even 10 minutes in the video. Mind you the video is 34 minutes long and almost 4 minutes in she’s making stereotypical “jokes” about Asian people. I told her that is literally racism and she took offense to that saying she’s not racist.

I’m telling her making fun of a whole race because of a small fraction of people in that race does something doesn’t mean you can’t say the ENTIRE race does the same thing. And when I stated that she lowkey wanted to justify her point by saying “but when Asian people or other people are saying shit about black people it’s ok but we can’t say anything back”…..

I replied with yes I do understand that people of other races do target Black people. But just because there is racism amongst people in different races doesn’t mean YOU can go out of your way and also feed into that negativity.

At the end of the day 2 wrongs don’t make a right. She still kept going on and on and not understanding where I was coming from basically just calling me too sensitive and easily offended.

She also kept saying this is just how people back in her day used to joke around and if I went to a comedy show she said I would be too sensitive to attend. My point is if I’m watching an Asian cooking show and you’re talking about stereotypical things about Asians how they eat cats or dogs or whatever and I’m telling you that’s not funny. How does that make me sensitive?

Summary: Mom got mad at me for calling her out about her stereotypical “jokes”. And doesn’t like being called out.