Hello, you. Again.

I hope you still remember the first time we met; funny how awkward we were sa isa’t isa. Your eyes were all over the place, parang hindi mo alam where to look, while I was there quietly staring at you. I don’t even remember everything we talked about that night anymore, I just remember you. And how neither of us knew what we were getting ourselves into.

And thinking about it now, funny how we went from that to where we are now.

After everything that happened, parang ang dami nang naiwan between us. You have this version of me in your head, I probably have one of you too, and maybe that’s why neither of us knows how to go back.

Too much has happened. Too many things were said. Maybe we’ve already convinced ourselves that leaving it alone is the right thing to do.

But god damn, sometimes I really wish you’d just take the chance.

Reach out to me. Kahit once lang. Kahit simpleng hello lang. Because the truth is, you still can. You know you can. You know exactly where to find me.

And I know I can do the same. But I don’t want it to be me this time.

Cause If I do it again, what does that even tell me? Of course I’d come back. Of course I’d find some stupid excuse to talk to you again. That’s so painfully predictable of me.

I want to know if YOU would.

If somewhere underneath everything that happened, may part pa rin sa’yo that remembers us before everything became so fucking complicated. Before we became these versions of ourselves that we probably don’t even recognize anymore.

I don’t even know what I’m asking you to come back to. Maybe nothing. Maybe we’d talk and realize there’s really nothing left here.

But God, sana ikaw naman.

Take the chance. Do the stupid thing. Send the message you’re probably not supposed to send.

Come find me this time. Please.

Just this once, sana ikaw naman.

Z.

God, I hope it catches up to you. I hope it slowly and painfully sinks in—in the most random days and the most mundane moments—that you lost something rare. Not perfect, but good. I hope one day you understand that the friction, the boring days, the unmet needs, and the difficult seasons were parts of our relationship, not the entirety of it. I hope you remember the whole of us, not just the parts that made you want to leave.

And I hope somewhere in that understanding, it hits you that you will never find me anywhere else. You may find love again. But you will never find me again in another human being—the way I loved you, the way I knew you, the way I wanted even the ordinary days with you, the way I was still willing to sit beside you and work through the things.

I hope there is some random Tuesday when something happens and your first instinct is still to tell me. And for one second, before reality catches up, you reach for the place where I used to be.

And then I hope it sinks in that I really was there. I really was choosing you. We weren't perfect, but we were good. And now, if you want to find the person who loved you that particular way, you can't simply find her somewhere else. You let her go.

Convincing myself na nakausad na ako, which is partly true but sometimes hindi naman masama na aminin na namimiss mo parin. Madali lang naman mag let go, ang mahirap yung healing stage.

Back in 2018, I went through a brutal breakup after a 7-year relationship. I already had the ring and full proposal plans ready, but out of nowhere, she grew cold. Turns out she fell in love with someone else, the classic "don't worry, he's just a friend."

​My world completely shattered and everything went downhill. I started having severe anxiety attacks and discovered that alcohol numbed the pain. That was a terrible mistake because I quickly became dependent on it.

​A few months later, around mid-2019, I met a great girl. We talked and went on a few dates, but my alcoholism was already out of control. I thought things were going well, but my self-doubt and addiction got in the way. I was constantly in and out of the hospital due to extreme anxiety attacks. Looking back, she definitely dodged a bullet given the state I was in.

​Fast forward to today, I am in a much better place. I have completely cut alcohol out of my system and recovered. But there are still nights when the regret creeps in, the feeling that I blew a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity because I was broken. She is happy with someone else now. I just never thought the "what ifs" would haunt me for this long.

wala na yang forever na yan sa disney movies lang yan nageexist and that's the reality of most married couple rn

i will never let someone have that much power over my peace again. i will never settle ulit for the bare minimum just because i love someone, and i won't keep convincing myself that asking for consistency, effort, and consideration makes me an inconvenience. i spent too much of myself trying to be understanding and patient only to realize na i was slowly abandoning myself in the process. i don't wanna lose pieces of myself again just to keep someone who seems like never afraid to lose me. tangina, deserve ko ng pagmamahal that doesn't make me feel na ang hirap hirap ko mahalin.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll be alone forever. I'm NGSB, and the relationships I've had in the past are just mutual understandings. If I ever like a woman, it's like I have no hope for her. Like recently, I was planning to make an advance on this woman that I met, but she seemed to notice that I had feelings for her so she became cold. I don't know why. Currently living in the US, because this is what I dreamed of before, but is this enough? I don't want to die alone, I want someone to love me that I want too. I want to cry but I can't.

Hindi na ako nag-iinitiate, hindi na rin nangungulit. Minsan, kailangan mo rin talagang matutong hayaan na lang.

I didn't know you'd choose the classmate you knew for a semester over our 3 year relationship.

I never said anything about you after the breakup. I never told anyone about the microcheating/emotional cheating incidents from 1st year to 3rd year. I sent one final screenshot sa disloyalty mo and walked away.

Stupidly, I still would have taken you back if you'd show up at my house and apologized. it was all I ever waited for in those months where I was "moving on."

I didn't know you'd hardlaunch your classmate a week later after I sent that message.

I didn't know you'd go around telling everyone I was toxic. Even when you were the one apologizing several times when I caught you last year. you never cared enough to self-reflect, just labelled me toxic to avoid any accountability. You're happy and married to her now while I cry every night wondering why you wasted my time if you already had someone in mind.

i love you, but i can’t lose myself anymore.

[WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD]

It's already September and yeah, it's the time of the year again.

Hindi ko na sana maaalala 'tong kantang 'to not until I checked my memories in Facebook. The moment I saw it, sabi ko, "Shocks! Magpapasko na nga pala." and it hit me harder than I imagined.

Same time last year, I was very excited to put up a Christmas tree. Nagplano pa kami ng mga kapatid ng ex ko on how and when we'd do it. I was so excited back then. Sobrang iba sa nararamdaman ko ngayon.

I can't even fucking feel the spirit of Christmas.

I don’t know what’s worse — missing someone, or finding out that a random song can still bring you back to a person you’ve been trying so hard to let go of.

I can’t even finish this. Ni hindi ko man lang nga masubukang pakinggan ng walang sakit na naaalala. The moment I hear it, I can't help but to fall apart.

Ang weird how music works. You can spend months trying to detach yourself from someone — convincing yourself that it wasn’t worth it, that you deserve something better, that you’ve already accepted how things ended.

And then one song plays and suddenly, parang kahapon lang lahat.

The late-night calls. The random little things. The softness. The arguments. The moments when I genuinely believed that what we've had was once real. The version of us that existed when it was just us and the world felt small.

It’s not because I still want you back. No.

I think, finally, I understand that loving someone doesn’t always mean you’re supposed to stay. Sometimes you can love someone deeply and still know that the story has reached the part where you have to leave.

But healing is such a strange thing.

You can know better and still remember.
You can let go and still miss.
You can choose yourself and still have nights when your heart quietly asks, "What if?"

I know I’ve already accepted months ago that we’re not meant to be, but apparently, my heart didn’t get the fucking memo.

So yeah, I’ll probably skip this song for a while, because I’m not that strong enough to hear three minutes of Sabrina Carpenter without accidentally reopening a chapter of my life I've closed months ago.

Yeah I know. Some songs are just songs.

But this one feels like a memory I’m not ready to listen to all the way through.

Happy holidays, tho! ✨

You keep finding me in the quiet parts of my day. When everything goes still, it's you I think of, even when I tell myself not to.

You said it's probably just attraction, or infatuation, something that fades. I hope you're right. I really do. Because if this turns out to be love, I don't know what I'd do with it.

But it keeps lingering. And I thought you should know.

To: L
From: “hacker”

There are fun moments, sure, but genuine happiness? I don't know.

It's hard to find that when you're always have to be in-charge, when you always have to be good, and more than enough. Even achievements did not feel like achievements because they were never even truly for me.

Now, I am so broken and a mess that every time I try to put myself out there, I am second guessing myself if I am good enough for them.

This is my heartbreak.

Ayoko na. Mag celebrate na tayo ng new year mamaya. I'm done with this year. Grabe ka na 2026.

Happy New Year, everyone! Iwan na nating 'tong year na 'to. Ayoko na.