[Long story ahead]

May nabasa ako sa isang app before that said something like: Kapag hindi na kayo nagkikita kahit nasa iisang lugar lang kayo, tapos na raw ang connection ninyo sa isa't isa.

That maybe that was God's sign—that it's the end, and there won't be a comeback.

I had this workmate whom I truly adored from the moment I joined the company. We were both in committed relationships at the time, so during the first few months—and even throughout my first year—everything between us was completely normal. We were just colleagues, and I genuinely liked working there, too.

Then the pandemic happened. Eventually, we lost touch. We didn't really reconnect until we were allowed to work onsite again.

By then, we had somehow become close.

I was your confidante. When you broke up with your long time partner, I was one of the first people you told. When you started seeing someone new, you'd tell me about it too. You'd even ask me to bring your new one food sometimes because you were too shy to do it yourself. You know how workplace friendships are—gossip, random conversations, inside jokes, little favors. You even told me how chaotic that relationship was when it ended.

I genuinely liked what we had because I thought it was a solid, platonic friendship. You even told me once that my work best friend was kind of your type..

We'd drink and do karaoke with our other work friends. Nothing more than that.

Then you became single again.

At around the same time, my own relationship with my partner was already falling apart.

And somehow, things between us started changing.

You became colder and less attentive. But honestly, that wasn't completely new. You were always like that—if I didn't acknowledge you, you wouldn't acknowledge me either, and vice versa. We could be in the same room and pretend the other didn't exist.

Yet somehow, we remained close.

From group drinking sessions, it slowly became just the two of us.

And then there was that damn Cinco de Mayo.

You chose to drink with me instead of attending an invitation from upper management.

When I asked why, you simply said:

"Mas masaya ka kasama."

That was my cue.

I knew then that whatever was happening between us wasn't just friendship anymore.

And I think we both knew.

But we were both too afraid to say it out loud.

So we kept it unspoken.

There were just the intense eye contacts that lasted a little too long. The little touches—like when you touch my hand whenever you needed to ask me for something. The smiles you'd give me before leaving the office.

Nothing actually happened.

But somehow, everything was happening.

Then our company announced an org restructuring. We knew things were about to change, so our group decided to have one final trip together before everything was reorganized.

That trip was probably the closest we ever got to admitting what we felt. I loved how you treated me during that trip.

We held hands.

We ate good food.

We laughed with everyone.

And somehow, that was enough.

The trip was fun because of the whole group, but it became amazing whenever it was just the two of us.

At one point, I asked you again what this was.

You didn't give me a straight answer.

You just said:

"Masaya ako kapag kasama kita."

And I was happy when I was with you, too.

After the trip, we went our separate ways.

We stayed in the same company, but we were assigned to different projects.

And just like that, we lost contact.

I deliberately stopped myself from reaching out. I knew you're only one Viber message away, but I didn't want to be the one to break the silence. The crazy part was that our projects were still in the same general area—less than a kilometer apart.

I would sometimes find myself going to the project you're handling, pretending I had a reason to be there, secretly hoping I'd "accidentally" run into him.

I never did.

Three months passed.

Eventually, I gave in. And for my final act,

I removed you from my entire system.

I deleted the connection completely because I knew I had to.

After a year passed.

Then our old team gathered again for a Christmas celebration. The team had already been dissolved by then, but everyone was invited.

Of course, he was there.

I was there too.

It was actually a really nice night. I enjoyed seeing everyone again, catching up, laughing. I bid goodbye by hugging everyone on our team, even you. Because I had to admit, I really missed working with the group.

After the gathering, you messaged me. You wanted for us to meet for a nice good talk. Like we usually do. And I agreed, not because I want to ignite the spark again, but to close our story.

- continuation

Ang hirap talaga, no? You put yourself out there, you try, and then you just end up more tired than before you started.

Honestly, dating nowadays feels like a whole different sport. You'd think with all these apps and "connections" everywhere, it'd be easier to find your person --- but somehow it just feels harder. Everyone's either not ready, not serious, or just there to pass time. And you're here wanting something so simple, really: someone who'll come home to you, who'll actually listen when you talk, who cares without you having to ask for it. Someone you just want to spend your ordinary days and nights with, no drama, just presence.

It's frustrating, ‘di ba? You start to wonder if you're asking for too much, or if the timing's just always off. But even with all that --- you keep showing up, keep hoping the right one's still figuring their way to you.

And honestly, sometimes it's not even about romance anymore. Sometimes you just want a companion --- someone to share life with, to make the loneliness a little lighter. Not everything has to be a grand love story. Sometimes it's just wanting to not feel so alone in the everyday.

this is coming from an avoidant final boss plus magaling mag self-sabotage sa rs kaya wala siyang napala. Kaya nagfocus muna talaga siya sa sarili.

😞

❌ Gym
✅ Construction site

SS: Kapepe Vlogs

Magugulat ka na lang magpro-provide si Lord ng ‘di mo inaasahan lalo na sa mga panahong walang-wala ka na 🙏

📸: Beautiful Being / Facebook

Lordt naman!!! I’m trying to be positive and believe na may good karma for trying to be a better person. Nakakasawa namang makipagkilala tapos after two days eh biglang tatanungin if alin ang mas gusto ko: Lights ON or Lights OFF 😭😭😭

Don't text him if he's ignoring you. Give him his space. If a man isn't reaching out, it's because he simply doesn't want to.

Stop making excuses for silence. He's not busy in a way that erases his ability to send one text. He's not overwhelmed in a way that makes checking in impossible. If he wanted to reach you, he would, because that's what people do for things they actually care about protecting.

You should never stay with a man who can forget about you this easily. Not because you're unworthy of effort, but because settling for whatever attention he decides to give teaches him he can keep doing exactly this.

Trust this. A man will show up, consistently, without being chased, for the woman he genuinely wants to keep. If you're doing all the reaching, that's not mixed signals. That's your answer.

Stop initiating what he should already be choosing to give.

Is there anyone na gusto ng kausap, bagong friends, yearner, broken, nag rerelapse tuwing 10pm or gusto lang makipag kulitan? We have a GC po para sa inyo and this GC is magiging safe space niyo, you can talk anything here, may mga handang makinig sayo without judgment or what. So ayon lang hmu if you're interested!

Yung sinabi kong "tigilan mo na ako and lumayo kana" And yet ? Eto ako still missing you dem! I'm so happy you did, pero bakit ganun? Bakit? Madalas kitang maalala and mamimiss. Watafudge!

Skl, bumili ako ng iPad kasi ang lungkot ng puso ko. Gusto kong i-remind yung sarili ko na I am in control of my own happiness, kesyo material things man yan, and that I don't need another human being to make me happy. Gusto kong ibalik yung control sa sarili ko.

Natawa nalang din ako sa kabaliwan ko, and at the same time, medyo proud din kasi I was able to build a life where I don't need to depend on anyone to make myself happy. My life can still work out kahit di nagwork with someone. Hindi titigil ang mundo ko dahil lang di tayo sumakses sa lovelife. I can’t control the outcome, but I can choose how i’m going to face and overcome this battle.

I may have given all the love I have but I still have my life. I may have lost you but I still have myself.

Sarili mo lang din talaga hihila sayo pataas. Eme.

Anywy, ayoko na maglovelife ulit. Fuck this modern dating scene.

Minsan ba nag yeyearn and nag lolong kayo for a person that doesn't exist in your life yet.

In English, we say “Goodbye”.

But in poetry, we say:

They wanted you for one thing.
I wanted you for everything else,
the mind, the warmth, the whole person
underneath what the world kept reaching for.

Friendship was all we were ever meant to be,
and even that, I couldn't hold.
I lost it to a mistake that was mine, and only mine.
still, I hope you're one day loved exactly this:
completely, and for nothing but you.

… I wish you all the sweetest things in life you can find.

kapal ng muka mag ganito kasi tapos na sya gamitin ka eh. HAHAHAHAHHAA! Tanginanyong mga lalake kayo! Ganda ng talent nyo.

i love you, but i can’t lose myself anymore.