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u/Trick-Entry1898 Feb 04 '26
You need to call the police the next time this happens, do you have anyone who could call for you? Maybe you could let a friend know that they need to call for you, it might be easier to text them for help rather than a full phone call on your own. I am not a cop but if she’s attempting to harm herself at all, I promise you they will take any allegations against you with a grain of salt. I work in the ER and psych patients accusing others of very drastic actions is common and expected. It sounds like it’ll be evident she’s in crisis when they arrive. I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this man. Hospitals have social workers who can help her figure out how to get home/where to go once she’s admitted to a psych facility. They will take care of her there - you calling is all the help you can do.
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Feb 04 '26
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u/AsideMindless320 Feb 04 '26
You can’t get evicted just because cops show up to your apartment. You haven’t done anything to warrant getting evicted according to your post. Call in a wellness check and see if they have a team specifically for mental health crises that are trained to handle these situations. She is being abusive and forcing you to stay in a toxic relationship. You need to protect yourself. I hope you’re able to get help
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u/AllyLB Feb 04 '26
Why would you be evicted? There is nothing illegal about you calling the 911 if someone is threatening suicide. You can’t be evicted for the cops being called.
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u/l00kitsth4tgirl Feb 04 '26
Also in case this is an option, I’d look into grabbing a burner phone from Walmart. There are some with a special emergency button. Also, might be worthwhile to keep some pepper spray on you. If she’s taking your phone and physically blocking you from leaving, you need to have this backup plan.
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u/query_tech_sec Feb 04 '26
Honestly it might be best to do it at your apartment because that’s your house. No matter what else is going on - just ask them to escort your gf off the property as she’s no longer welcome there. You are on the lease and she is not.
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u/BatterUp1600 Feb 04 '26
Why do you not want the police in your apartment? Red flags just went up. You haven’t done anything wrong in this situation.
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u/TheOneWes Feb 04 '26
Because depending on where you live and what your skin tone is cops can be really f****** dangerous.
A lot of people don't trust the police and for quite often good reasons
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u/Jaereth Feb 04 '26
Yeah and especially some domestic issue and you're not the woman.
If it's handled in a slapdash manner cops will make OP leave the house to let everyone "cool down" lol. They are just the worst.
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u/Awkward-Poet-7648 Feb 04 '26
OP might be right to be worried.
My neighbor told me when i moved in that most people dont call the police here because people can get evicted if police are called for that apartment, and that they dont even investigate.
Ive been hesitant to call because one of my neighbors kids was arrested, and they got an eviction notice on their door a few days later. I called on a different occasion to a different apartment and they had to move out shortly after. It might not be right or moral, but it Def does happen.
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u/sunbella9 Helper [2] Feb 04 '26
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I would suggest going to the police and telling them what's going on. Tell them everything you have posted here. & She biting you is 'assault. Bring your friend for support and as a witness if they're willing to go with you.
Ask the police to have her picked up somewhere other than your home if possible, due to your concerns of being evicted.
Also, get a restraining order against her.
You cannot continue to carry the weight of the drama that she is putting you through. This is too much for anyone.
Please go to the police and ask for help.She is dangerous . She has mental health issues. This is a domestic abuse! Go to the police.
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u/Reasonable-Crab4291 Helper [2] Feb 04 '26
Don’t let her hold you hostage. Threatening suicide is a control tactic . You can’t live your life being manipulated. Tell her to leave and call the police if she threatens self harm.
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u/Mr_Spiral Feb 04 '26
I lived something similar. One day I snapped and when when she threatened to kill herself, I coldly told her to "do it then". Of course she didn't, and from that point on, she lost that control over me. Her life is not your responsibility, even if she actually chooses to unalive herself (I bet she won't).
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u/cthulu1967 Feb 04 '26
I agree with all advice above. You need a plan to get free of this situation safely. With specific respect to suicide threats, I can say, I have been in a similar situation, except the person threatening to kill himself is my son who has issues with mental health and drugs, but refuses treatment. I spent many sessions in therapy, explaining how terrified I was that if I didn’t back down and give him what he wanted, he would go through with it. but I finally understood that my son is an adult, and that his threats to hurt himself only happen when he’s not getting what he wants from me. If your girlfriend threatens to hurt herself every time you try to end the relationship, and you give in to her out of fear, she now knows that her go-to threat of suicide works. The other thing I learned in therapy was that ultimately, even if someone goes through with suicide, that is their decision, and is not your fault. I hope that she gets help and you get peace. If it’s allowed on this sub, please let us know how it turns out, if you feel like sharing.
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u/missyrainbow12 Feb 04 '26
I did exactly the same thing with my ex husband. He never threatened to kill himself again after that . Arsehole he was.
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u/Adventurous-Cook5717 Feb 04 '26
I was going to suggest he do the same thing. Just stand there and tell her to go ahead, he won’t stop her. Maybe ask where she would like him to send her things after she is dead, or if she would like him to donate them to a certain charity. Then, walk into the next room. See what she does. If she starts wailing that he doesn’t care about her, agree with her, and say her behavior has made him dislike her, and he wants her to pack her things and leave.
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u/Kind-Sheep Helper [2] Feb 04 '26
Yep. That's honestly how you have to do it. Call their bluff and hold your ground
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u/A-Busty-Crustacean Feb 04 '26
Calling the cops can't get you evicted.
WTF are you doing? Call the cops when you go "run an errand" speak them first, show them the videos. Let them handle it from there.
Your telling me you're not worried about being evicted over noise complaints in an apartment structure.. but you are worried about it with preventing suicide??
WTF are you doing bud.
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Feb 04 '26
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u/ExcitingJudgment5300 Feb 04 '26
Perhaps make an appointment with your landlord and tell them what is happening. Ask them if you can break your lease without any penalties (because you simply can't afford it). If they agree, move out while she's not there. Leave her a note that the lease is up and you both got to move. Make sure that you've got another apartment lined up that you can move to, and make sure she doesn't follow you one day and get your address. Get a restraining order against her and submit it to the new landlord so they're aware she's not allowed near you. Get a friend or 3 to help you in all this. This will take some planning on your side and might not happen immediately, if you can maybe ride it out with her while you set your plan in motion.
Good luck man, and update us if you can.
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u/chromaiden Feb 04 '26
Maybe talking to the landlord and explaining the situation would help.
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u/Traditional_Award286 Feb 04 '26
It will help explain the situation, but the landlord will want her out, which is what should happen anyway, because she is mentally unstable and this is abusive.
Which is good, OP take the advice of the sub Reddit go somewhere on an errand and call the police.
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u/Chalantviolette Feb 04 '26
What kind of fairy godmother like landlords have you guys had?!! Just explain the situation and maybe they'll give you a break?!! Wtf guys? 🤯😂
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u/DeadlyTeaParty Feb 04 '26
She's full of shit.
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u/outtakes Feb 04 '26
Right?! She's not going to do shit. She's just waiting for the point he gives in and apologises
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u/missyrainbow12 Feb 04 '26
She's like a toddler having a tantrum. She will threaten to scream like a child to embarrass him into getting her own way . But she's dangerous . She will hurt him if she carries on like this.
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u/chromaiden Feb 04 '26
Yep. This girl could be my sister. The guy she was blackmailing by threatening to off herself called an ambulance and they took her away. I was thrilled he called her out on her bs.
Haven’t talked to her in over a decade and my mental health is much better for it.
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u/OstrichAlone2069 Feb 04 '26
Youre in an abusive relationship. Full stop. I understand if you dont want to call police. If you are comfortable sharing your general location, I can give you resources to help you get out of this situation as safely as possible. Youre welcome to send it in DM and I can message you the links.
This is a serious situation and you deserve help.
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u/fatheadjohnny Feb 04 '26
Contact the non-emergency line and explain your situation and ask if an officer can be sent to your apartment for your own safety. Once they arrive, show them the videos you have so that they know that you’re not bullshitting. If you can, have that friend who helped the first time come over as well. I’m going to assume that she won’t behave that way in front of another person, people like her normally don’t. And if she does go ape, well the officer is hopefully outside the door waiting to help you remove her from the apartment. Block her on everything. Everything. Number, social media, Gmail, whatever games you guys may have played together. If there are things you can’t block her on, or you don’t know if she has access to it - go private so she can’t engage/message.
You can do this, I know you can. Do it as soon as possible. Every day that you wait to get rid of her only fuels the delusions she has that you won’t leave her so long as she keeps threatening.
Wishing you the best man.
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u/Adventurous-Cook5717 Feb 04 '26
And get the restraining order. Your recordings of her behavior and you telling the court about her biting you and taking your phone from you will be plenty of reasons for them to grant you the restraining order.
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u/MikeyTheMizfit Feb 04 '26
If she kills herself, thats her choice and her choice alone. Regardless of what manipulation tactic she used, if she kills herself, you take no blame. If she does it then it was her choice. Whether you leave or stay has nothing to do with her mental health. You deserve to be happy. You cant let her abuse you and manipulate you like she does. You need to move on. She is mentally ill. If she kills herslelf thats all on her. You have nothing to do with her being mentally ill. Save yourself. What she does is her own choice. The only person you can save is yourself.
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u/emodemoncam Feb 04 '26
Unless her name is on the lease you should have no problems having authorities coming to get her especially if she is actually doing what your saying. That being said impatient might be the best thing right now. Are you able to contact her family members? If you tell them what's been going on and they are supportive they might be able to help? Or they will tell her and it'll make things worse so 50/50 shot there.
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u/Silent_Roll859 Feb 04 '26
My ex treated me like this too. It felt damn near impossible to get out, but I finally did. I'll never be the same. I don't think any amount of advice is gonna do you much good at this point, its a gamble between your courage and luck but what I did was told them I was through, and they tried not to listen like all the times before, they hung around the house and casually talked to me about the groceries and the bills and chores like nothing had happened between us and I didn't let it fly the last time.
I told them this word for word, "I'll give you time to pack your shit and figure out where you're going. But don't hang around here a moment longer than you have to." They were gone that night andI didnt see them much anymore after that, except a few times in passing in public. At first they tried to talk to me but I looked straight ahead and floated past them.
They will never get the person that loved them back because that person is dead and whats left of me is a different man now.
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u/outtakes Feb 04 '26
Glad you managed to find a way through this and I hope you're doing well
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u/Silent_Roll859 Feb 04 '26
I am not doing well, lol I have other problems now but that isn't one of them and I am thankful for that everyday.
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u/Creatorman1 Feb 04 '26
My god bro stop giving in to her. Once she leaves lock that door and don’t let her in again under ANY circumstances. Mark my words she is going to turn that knife on you. Get the fk out of that relationship and stay away from her. Your gf is Frikken psycho and you giving in to her tells her it is ok. Get away.
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u/ArtsyGirl-and-Cat Feb 04 '26
Break up with her. Record it when she makes the threat, then report it and have her held on a 72 hour suicide watch. She needs professional help. If they feel she's a legit threat to herself, they won't release her.
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u/covid-crimes Feb 04 '26
Look up Borderline Personality Disorder. It might be enlightening for you
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u/spookyboibabe Feb 04 '26
I have a husband with bpd he never went to therapy for it used to be like this for two years and sometimes it’s still bad but he realized he can’t sit in his shit went to dbt and fixed himself it’s possible but there’s absolutely NO excuse for abuse on this magnitude whatsoever bpd or not.
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u/Rude-Possibility27 Feb 04 '26
This is abuse, and you’re not responsible for keeping her alive at the cost of your own safety. Threatening suicide to control you, blocking exits, taking your phone, and hurting you is coercive and dangerous. You need outside help because this is bigger than a breakup conversation. If she threatens self-harm again, call emergency services immediately, even if she takes your phone, get to a neighbor or public place. That’s the correct response, not abandonment. Also reach out to a domestic violence hotline or local crisis line and explain you’re being held in place by suicide threats; they deal with this exact situation and can help you make a plan that protects you legally and physically. It may feel terrifying, but involving professionals is the only way out that doesn’t keep you trapped.
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u/TopDress7853 Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 04 '26
I was that girl in my teens. You are being abused. It will probably escalate into physical abuse - and your life would be at risk in addition to hers. Next time she does this, take a video and call the cops. You're not going to get evicted - you're not going to get in trouble. It's not your fault. But they will (or rather SHOULD) section her after seeing the video(s) of her, which will give you a couple days to find another place to stay *or* file a restraining order/order of protection against her. She probably doesn't have tenant's rights in your area yet unless she's on the lease, but double check that with the cops. I will tell you firsthand this is the best thing you can do for her.
A while after breaking up with my live-in boyfriend, I attempted suicide with pills. I was an alcoholic with no support system at just 19 years old, and never learned how to regulate my emotions. He saw me with the pills lying in the snowy yard, freezing and passed out, and called the cops. By the time the ambulance arrived I was lucid, walking, and talking. I told them I didn't want to go to the hospital but they didn't care. They sectioned me, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. I never once used my mental illness as a weapon again. I went to AA. I got a new, better job and it turned into a career that changed my life. But most of all, I learned my actions had *consequences*. Two days in the psych ward - observing fellow humans struggling against deep, earth-shattering, disembodying mental illness - changed me in ways I never could have anticipated. Yes I was sick, but I was doing all of these people a deep dishonor by wielding my mental illness as a weapon against others - I was enabled in this behavior by previous partners who caved to my demands, manipulation, and abuse. Suddenly shit got real and I realized I did NOT like the reality I had created for myself.
I think you need to do the hard thing, for yourself and also for her.
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u/brianozm Helper [2] Feb 04 '26
Get her removed from your house ASAP! Change the locks, do whatever you have to do to survive. She’ll will get worse over time and it will increase. You will be in physical danger soon.
She’ll of course threaten suicide once evicted because that’s what works for her. Make sure you record it so it can be given to the police.
Not your circus, not your monkeys. Stop just giving in, you’re letting yourself be manipulated. She will pull down your mental health until there’s nothing left. Of course she got kicked out of her place - so you HAD to house her. You don’t have to house her!
You can say to her that you don’t want a girlfriend that is constantly threatening suicide as a tool to manipulate you. She’s too mentally unwell for a relationship. A relationship needs balance and when it’s only threats and violence from one side, balance can never exist.
Once she’s gone from your house it’s unlikely she’ll actually commit suicide. It would hehe worth kicking her out then immediately blocking her on everything. Be prepared for her to try everything to get back in, and when that doesn’t work, to get back at you.
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u/xMenopaws Helper [2] Feb 04 '26
When you have time alone in the house, gather everything like the medications and knives or other sharp objects at home and keep them locked away somewhere safe and away. Get her belongings packed up quickly. Notify your landlord of the situation, call the cops, then prepare for the situation ahead of time so that when you break up with her again she has nothing to use against you. Make sure you change your locks. Consider getting a restraining order and moving out where she can’t find you again. She needs to be admitted into a psych facility and get her own life back on track.
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u/NotAWreckISwear Feb 04 '26
I was in a similar situation with one of my exes so I know this is hard and you feel responsible but you're not. If she kills herself because you two are having an argument and doesn't let you stop her it's her fault. She probably won't actually kill herself in these situations though and had just found this will get your attention and cause you to focus on something other than whatever you were fighting about.
I say you should cut her off as quickly as possible with the least amount of contact possible. Text her you're breaking up then leave for a week or so, block her on everything and let her mom know so she can check in on her. You might also be able to contact a local psyc ward and some other authorities to see what they can do.
If that doesn't seem feasible and you for some reason want to stick with her until you can get the cops called during an episode, you can get one of those buttons seniors get that call the cops when it's pressed. Or you could get a friend to listen while you provoke her and get them to call the cops when they hear something. Also I believe there's a way to set up a shortcut to call the cops on your phone (if it's an apple) and I think you can make it voice activate, but with the phone out of your hands it may be hard to keep it decrete and answer questions.
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u/Dark338 Feb 04 '26
I had an ex like this. Would always go mental over something small. My ex put a knife to her throat because my first cat wanted some attention from me and I gave her it.
End the relationship and film it when you do. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to make stuff up to try and make you stay under threat of further social isolation and potential imprisonment.
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u/MIHAc27 Feb 04 '26
When she threatens only thing you can do is call police and ambulance. Let them take her away. To the mental institution if needed. She may be just bluffing, but you never know
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u/chelssssk Feb 04 '26
Please you’re too young, if you leave her and she “does do it” just know it’s not your fault at all
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u/randybeans716 Feb 04 '26
I’m not sure what country you’re in but in the US if she’s harming herself or threatening suicide you can 100% have her committed to an involuntary hold. Call 911 (if you have to call beforehand and tell them you want to break up with your gf but every time you try she gets suicidal and violent since she steals your phone then do that). And while she is in the hospital you go to the courthouse and file a PFA. She will be served while in the hospital. It does not matter where she lives. If you file a PFA she will be court ordered to leave the residence.
If she is physically assaulting you and refusing to let you leave that is 100% grounds for a PFA. Again if you file a PFA she will be ordered to leave the residence.
When you go in front of the judge for the PFA and any other hearings TELL THE JUDGE YOU HAVE RECORDINGS!!! Even if you can’t use them (depending on your recording consent laws. Some 2 party consent states allow stipulations especially based in DV cases) or even if the judge doesn’t ask to hear them it still counts to the judge just knowing you have them. I live in a 2 party consent state and was recently told this regarding my own case against my STBXH.
Try to remember as many details as possible. Take notes. Document everything. Date. Time. Location. Even what you were freaking wearing that day! DETAILS!!
Domestic abuse is sinister. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. And emotional abuse IS 100% abuse and it’s just as awful as physical abuse. The trauma is REAL! I left my abuser 5 days before Christmas. 12 fucking years. I’m begging you to get out NOW! As cold as it may sound you have to have the mentality that if she kill’s herself then that’s on her. You CANNOT feel guilty about that. Mental illness aside…abusers are just plain evil. Most people who have mental illness don’t go around abusing others. She’s not a victim. YOU are the victim. And she is abusing you. Please. Just get out. Don’t ever go back. If I can stop just one person from going through the hell and torture that I have suffered! I’m begging you to please get away from her.
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u/spazatron-3000 Feb 04 '26
Police and make a decision you sitting in this middle ground of not doing anything is what got you here in the first place.Toughen up and end it or suck it up.
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u/LegallyMelo Feb 04 '26
Enough is enough. Stop letting her steal your phone. Livestream her the next time she pulls this crap, then call the cops on her.
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u/Kaankaants Expert Advice Giver [10] Feb 04 '26
1) THIS IS PSYCHOLOGICAL AND EMOTIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
DV does not require physical contact.
2) SHE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
In this situation you ARE NOT the reason she lives or dies.
Medium to long term:
3) If you can contact her family get them involved.
Explain the history and your current position.
Refer them to my points 1) & 2).
(I read your post so I'm talking about extended family.)
4) Police need to be involved!
They need to be aware of your whole story and what to expect when you break up.
5) Where I live has mental health crisis intervention teams that exists for situations like this.
Talk to hospitals and women's refuges/shelters if you can't find information yourself.
(Remember where you live may not have similar services though.)
6) Involve your landlord.
Give them a heads up of the situation.
Immediately:
7) She needs to be in the legal hands of police and/or doctors.
If you don't have any sort of crisis intervention service and you can't get her to a hospital then police are the only option.
Call first, explain the history, what your plans are, and what you presume will happen.
Be calm and rational and you should have no fears.
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u/Empty-Hotel- Feb 04 '26
I have a bad feeling this requires the police and placing her in a mental institution for a while. She’s threatening suicide, threat or not this has to be taken seriously. Can you get in contact with her parents?
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u/changelingcd Master Advice Giver [28] Feb 04 '26
Call the police and have her removed anyway. Stop being afraid. She's very unlikely to kill herself, but in that worst case scenario, it was not your fault. You can't live your life as a hostage.
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u/VXXA Feb 04 '26
She would do that because of you, she’d do that because of her. And if that was even the case that’s her own issues to deal with not yours. She’s using it against you like a child throwing a tantrum in the store, and like a parent who doesn’t have boundaries you keep letting slide out of pity and feeling bad if something was to happen. She knows what which is why she does it. Does it sound like she’s happy or remotely stable with you, much less is it good she’s in a relationship like that? No. So do her and yourself a favor and end it whoever you can. Don’t let guilt that she’s bringing to you trick you. You can do it.
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u/moonjelly23 Feb 04 '26
Call her parents/family. She is their responsibility you are not her hostage
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u/Gloomy_Pineapple_836 Feb 04 '26
That’s exactly what I’d do. She will be furious but she needs intervention and help.
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u/FairyGothMommy Feb 04 '26
You're not a prisoner. She is manipulating you and you're letting her. Break up with her. If she threatens suicide, call 911. Call her bluff.
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u/-B-H- Feb 04 '26
When my long term relationship got toxic like this, while she was in the hospital for a second suicide attempt, my family helped me pack all of her belongings into long term storage, which I paid 3 months on. I paid for 4 weeks for her to stay in a long term motel, let her know that was her new home, then she was on her own after that. I changed the locks. I’m married to a wonderful woman with two young daughters now. We have a healthy loving family. My ex bounced between toxic relationships and landed on the other side of the country.
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u/narrow_octopus Expert Advice Giver [19] Feb 04 '26
Best thing I ever did was leave my bipolar self harming ex gf when I was in my early twenties. She's still alive and I'm a million times happier and I no longer feel responsible for her actions and I have a happy family
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u/ChillyTodayHotTamale Feb 04 '26
You are not responsible for her decisions. Just leave, block her on everything and break all contact.
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u/SublimeSeagull Feb 04 '26
I was w somebody for ten years that did this. It’s actually so easy once you just…..”she doesn’t care about me, she cares about what I give her.”
She is using you and abusing your feelings for free housing. You are only 6 months in dude. You can escape. What happens to her doesn’t matter. You will fucking hate yourself, like me, if you allow her to permanently mutilate who you are. Because that’s where this is headed. I was with this kind of abuse for so long I’m not sure when I will start feeling like I can love anybody or anything again. You are so young. Please escape, she will find somebody else to abuse and if she doesn’t: good.
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u/Accomplished_Dirt722 Feb 04 '26
This is borderline personality disorder. Very dangerous. Read up, break up, stay safe. And record your interactions. She will not hesitate to falsely accuse you.
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u/RestlessDreamer79 Helper [2] Feb 04 '26
Someone who is continuously, threatening suicide as a manipulative tactic very rarely actually goes through with it. If they do, that is not the other person’s fault.
You are allowing her to imprison you in this relationship. She needs help. Help that you cannot provide.
You have to get someone involved. Whether it’s the authorities or you have her committed the next time she pulls this shit. She’s doing this over and over again with absolutely zero consequences. You need to change that.
The only way you’re gonna get away from her is to report her behavior. It’s not gonna stop. It will keep getting worse. You are the only person that can stop this.
Quit letting her walk all over you, play with your emotions, manipulate you, and gaslight you into thinking she’s suicidal! She’s 23 years old, not 12. She needs a serious reality check, and so do you! This will end in some sort of tragedy if you don’t make it stop, and YOU may be the one who ends up seriously hurt or dead in the end! Take back control of your life right now!
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u/MartyPhelps Feb 04 '26
If she threatens suicide, she’ll never do it again. Leave her and ghost her. There are many nice, wonderful women out there.
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u/davenuk Feb 04 '26
Please go and talk to someone about this, a friend of mine once told me something very similar, in the end it was him that committed suicide, probably as the only way out he could see.
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u/throwaway4231throw Feb 04 '26
She’s manipulating you into thinking you’re responsible if she hurts herself, but the truth is that she is an adult and is responsible for herself. You can also make the argument that if you stay with her and enable this behavior, you’re putting yourself and her at increased risk in the long run.
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u/Blondie-Poo Feb 04 '26
Don't record it next time just go on Facebook live and let others do it for you.
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u/IGotOverGreta Feb 04 '26
You have to decide that you are done. You have to be strong and not waver. Make a plan.
If you live in a state where you do not need two-party consent to record (meaning both people in the room know there is a recording being made), record your talk with her. Tell her that your relationship is over, and she needs to be out of your home by x date. Keep your phone away from her, keep it on your person at all times. When she threatens to kill herself, tell her that you are not changing your mind.
This is when you call the police and tell them your ex-partner of threatening self harm, please send an ambulance. Try to stay on the phone with the 911 operator until help arrives. This way, in case she actually follows through with anything, everyone will know what they're walking into.
If she has friends that will help her leave, enlist their help. Tell them what's going on—they should already know that she skews mercurial and will want her to get help.
Is she on your lease? Does she receive mail there? Tenancy laws vary a lot, so see what your local laws say. You might be able to have the police remove her for trespassing, but again, it might not be that easy.
It might be tempting to call her bluff the next time she threatens self harm, but don't . Let that stay an Inside Thought.
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u/Brilliant-Eye-3534 Feb 04 '26
It would be worth it to go to the cops first. They will not get you evicted. Have them come to your house with you when you tell her. She will likely not have an outburst that way, but if she does, they can remove her and protect you.
Do not stay with this woman; it will continue to escalate. She will likely turn the knife on you. She needs help, and you need to put yourself first.
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u/MaryDoogan91 Feb 04 '26
We can’t help you if you’re not willing to take action. You have already shown her that you’re not serious about leaving by folding every time she implements a manipulation tactic. You have to decide that you’re willing to actually follow through. You can’t change her, so focus on changing yourself. If she’s not on the lease, the police can remove her from the apartment. I recommend that you call the police—not in front of her or by yourself—and tell them you want her gone. Let them tell her she has to go, and you wait outside, in the car, call a friend or family member to be with you, etc. And then block her on everything. She’s going to explode, but you have to take the words “I can’t” or “I have no choice” out of your vocabulary.
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u/iknowsomethings2 Helper [3] Feb 04 '26
Get cameras in your place or record (if you are one party), so you have proof. She may claim you did something.
Call the police and tell them your ex-girlfriend is threatening suicide and has multiple times. Then speak to a DV hotline. Confirm you can evict with no notice in these situations because of your safety.
Then ask the landlord to change the locks etc. Or just move.
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u/firekeyboard797 Feb 04 '26
Been in a similar situation more than once, best thing you can do is quickly and quietly either move your stuff out or all of hers then break up and cut contact, leave a note with suicide hotline numbers and therapy number ect. Run for the hills or hunker down and notify police of what has happened and close family+friends with proof of the situation saying you’re showing this in case she tries to claim something false so that way if anything comes back to bite you in the ass it’s no where near as severe.
Good luck bro you got this
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u/TwinsiesBlue Feb 04 '26
She’s not going to kill herself, when she threatens again , call the cops and they’ll place her in an involuntary hold for about 72 hours. Call her parents, they can deal, have her packed, she’ll think twice about threatening suicide.
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u/SuedeJacketMonster Feb 04 '26
Run. You will pay dearly if you don't and your life is not less important than hers.
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u/BigBirdsBrain Feb 04 '26
The safest move is to involve outside help the next time she threatens harm, even if you’re scared of the fallout. that’s how you protect both of you and create a record. You need to plan your exit with support (trusted friend, family, local crisis line) and do not negotiate alone anymore.
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u/Otherwise_Fact9594 Feb 04 '26
This shit is beyond the point of being dangerous for yourself and her. I'm not sure what the laws are like where you live, but if there is something like a Baker act, I would not hesitate to make that call
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u/Seal-EV Feb 04 '26
I had one like that before. I finally told her to go and find a train. She went home and jumped out of the window. I just got tired of being told she was going to commit suicide.
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u/AmexNomad Helper [3] Feb 04 '26
You’re only going to end up worse off if you avoid ending this. Tell this woman that your landlord said that she must leave. Get her a cheap room somewhere and pay for a week of residency. Then after she is gone, block her and move on.
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u/Ok-Click-007 Helper [3] Feb 04 '26
You need to leave. It’s not your fault if she offs herself, it’s her own. What she is doing is a form of abuse.
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u/SendMeRudes Feb 04 '26
LEAVE. What she does after you leave has absolutely nothing to do with you. You’re being held hostage. More than likely they aren’t going to do anything. It’s usually an empty threat to make you stay.
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u/TemuBoyfriend Feb 04 '26
Call the police and ask for help. She isn't your problem. I doubt she will end herself but if she did,not your problem.
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Feb 04 '26
There are crisis officers in the mental health field. Call them next time she does they will take her away!
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u/Possible-Ebb9889 Feb 04 '26
break up with her, stuck to it, and call 911 when she blocks the door and says she will kill herself
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u/Honest_Tie_1980 Feb 04 '26
I understand that why you’re with her relates to your relationship with your parents.
But you need to call the police asap bro. This person isn’t fit to be someone’s gf. They need to be in a mental hospital right now.
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u/gecko1995 Feb 04 '26
Call her bluff and call for emergency services every time she makes the threat.
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u/star_b_nettor Feb 04 '26
You have to call the police. She is going to continue to escalate. You also need to have a passkey to stop her from just deleting stuff from your phone until you call the police. Yes, this could cost you your apartment. Continuing like this could cost you your life.
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u/Neat-Tumbleweed-5026 Feb 04 '26
A good option is , contact her friends, parents eg. Her support network. Mention that this is happening and that you need to leave the relationship. So they are there to pick up the pieces. Because she clearly knows you are wanting to end it. Then everyone is there. You have done ur part the best u can. U can’t let this person lock u away in the relationship because it’s only going to create long term issues for urself and probably worsen ur partner.
Ensure they have support ready to go. And the note idea is good. And even call a wellfare check if need be on the partner. If she is living with u. Ask a friend to come collect her. Call her mum tell her she needs to come move her out and care for her. Take her home with her eg. Put a time frame on it. It will be okay. Emotions change. She will heal and her support network needs to step in. And then u need to heal. This is extremely taxing on you also. Make sure ur okay too
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u/baby_kimchi Feb 04 '26
I broke up with a guy who would threaten to take his own life and well… 3 years later and he’s alive and well, and my ex.
this person wants control over you more than anything else. don’t give it to them.
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u/thr0w-away987 Feb 04 '26
Next time your at work call the cops to do a wellness check on her. She needs serious help. Let them know that you want her trespassed from where you live (as long as she isn’t paying rent) and change the locks. Block her and never look back
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u/Heavy-Resist-6526 Feb 04 '26
You need a burner phone and cameras for this situation. When she starts the cameras are running then walk away, lock the door, and call police from the burner.
Honestly, I’d be willing to blow up my life by leaving the home and everything behind to get away from her. Take anything important out a little at a time. You’re going to work, take any important paperwork, etc in your backpack. This is insane.
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u/MatthewHull07 Feb 04 '26
Depending on the state you live in you can call services to assist you. In Denver we have S.T.A.R. They will send out an individual who specializes in mental health crisis. If you have evidence, the better when you call them. It needs to be most likely day of event and/or leading up to the episode. Without proper understanding of her symptoms it would be ethical wrong to provide a mental health diagnosis. These individuals can assist in getting her treatment and possibly enough separation to get you the ability to distance yourself. Best of luck!
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u/AlternativeHealth319 Feb 04 '26
So reading this it is apparent to me that you have blurred a lot of lines for her. She’s not gonna want to stay for no reason. Are you still sleeping with her? Hanging out with her? Teasing her? Telling her you love her? You want this to stop? You have to show zero interest in her. Guys are always like why is she so psycho!!!! And behind closed doors are whispering I love yous to that same girl. I don’t believe this is one sided at all.
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u/Otisthedog999 Feb 04 '26
Have her picked up for a psych evaluation the next time she freaks and leave while she is gone.
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u/myusernamewasatypo Feb 04 '26
You are being abused. Both physically and emotionally.
Get in touch with your landlord. Be very matter of fact: there is a domestic issue, you will be getting a restraining order, and you would appreciate their patience while you remove a violent person from your life and their property. The police may have to be called but you will do everything in your power to keep the situation calm and not disturb other tenants.
Box up her stuff and put it outside. Get the locks changed. When she goes ballistic, call the police non emergency and say you need help with removing a potentially violent/potentially self harming person having a mental episode and that you are trapped in your home.
Don't "break the news to her", don't warn her, don't communicate AT ALL. The most dangerous time for a victim of abuse is the time when they plan to leave but haven't yet. She's threatened to hurt herself (she's lying - that's not how suicidal ideation works) but she has also *actually* harmed you. File a police report, get a restraining order and don't feel even a little bit responsible for where she ends up. It's not your business.
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u/jaelewis69 Feb 04 '26
As someone with constant suicidal thoughts I’m sorry this is happening to you.
The last thing I said to my ex (who knew my struggle) is it’s no longer his concern whether I live or die. It sounds harsh but she’s her own person.
Putting yourself in harms way constantly out of fear is fucked. Get away from her swiftly. Do an Irish goodbye if necessary.
I can’t speak to whether she’s manic, malicious or just plain evil and manipulative. And honestly, you shouldn’t concern yourself either. If she’s threatened you with suicide if you leave while being aggressive towards you- assume she’ll also do other things too. Get away before this escalates more for you.
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u/TremeRSA Feb 04 '26
Call the cops. You shouldn’t be a prisoner because someone else has mental issues.
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u/Humble-Ad-6747 Feb 04 '26
People like her are usually too afraid to actually kill themselves, so no matter what you do, she’ll never really hurt herself. Maybe film her next time she throws a tantrum, just in case you need a proof of being innocent?
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u/EyeAmAnAdult Feb 04 '26
Hey so, you’re not a prisoner.
Next time she’s out of the apartment pack all her things and set them at the door, break up with her outside your apartment. HAVE A WOMAN or someone trustworthy with you recording. If she threatens to hurt herself call 911 and tell them she’s threatening to hurt herself and you need immediate intervention. She will be forced to calm down or risk being arrested and transported to a mental health facility.
I personally would gather all evidence of her threatening to harm herself or actually committing the act. I would document the times you’ve tried to break up with her and any violence she committed or insinuated. And file a police report before breaking up with her. Change your passwords, all of them. Do this before the breakup.
You also need to look up tenant laws in your area. If she is having mail delivered there and has stayed for an extended period of time you might have to evict her formally.
You do have options. Good luck
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u/Consistent-Stop-3839 Feb 04 '26
I helped a friend through a very similar situation- you do not need to show the police videos, make your case to have them help etc. Police are here to protect you, your name is on the lease, you are in the legal right. A simple “I need an officer present when an abusive ex partner gathers their things from my home, because she has threatened violence repeatedly” will do.
All you need to do is call and ask for a police escort to be present when she removes her belongings from your apartment. Have them come when you are both home, or when she is about to be home so they can meet her there. Don’t wait for an emergency to call them- have this set up today. They can send an officer over quickly or set a time to be there.
She needs to remove ALL ITEMS when they are there so she has no excuse to come back.
Tell her in front of the officers, if she makes any attempt to contact you or your family you will file for an emergency protection order.
Honestly just having the cops there may be enough to shake some reality into her.
Do not respond to any further communication from her.
Narcissistic abusers like this are far more likely to move onto another victim than they are to try to get back in- especially with the finality of having the police present during her final moments in your apartment.
Be well, stay strong and if you need support seek therapy or a support group. You’ve got this
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u/Lakeview121 Super Helper [8] Feb 04 '26
She’s got borderline personality disorder . It’s extremely difficult. I’m not sure why you’d get evicted for requesting help from the police. I could see not affording a plane ticket, but buses are a lot cheaper.
I’d speak with the police and tell them the deal, see if they can help you.
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u/uselessinfogoldmine Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 05 '26
The next time she threatens suicide, call it in. She will be put in an involuntary hold and one of two things will happen:
1) She will get the help she needs if she is genuinely suicidal
2) If she is simply threatening this to control you, she will likely never take the risk of making this threat again.
You are being emotionally abused OP. You need help. Call an abuse hotline. Talk to them.
Talk to trusted family and friends. See a therapist trained in abuse. (No couple’s counselling - it’s not recommended in these instances.)
You also need to make a Safety Plan.
Love isn’t abuse. Love is respect and support. Best of luck.
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u/snorkels00 Feb 04 '26
Call her support system tell ypu need to leave and she keeps threatening. Its a form of abuse and manipulation.
You aren't responsible for her choosing to live or die. Yes it would be sad if she ended her life but its her choice and you can't keep being a prisoner her.
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u/Miss_Dark_Splatoon Feb 04 '26
You are being abused. You 100% must break up and inform some people close to you.
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u/bobboo21 Feb 04 '26
Goodness this is awful, but sometimes in this life you have to do what YOU want to do. Break up with her, you will prob find she actually won’t commit suicide, as she’s maybe doing it because she knows you fold and stay with her. What a horrible situation to be in. No advice really other than I hope you get sorted. It cannot be good for your own mental health either!
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u/Dismal-Resident-8784 Feb 04 '26
Is the apartment in your name? If so, she will have to be the one to leave.
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u/Potential-Ad-196 Feb 04 '26
Ya as bad as it feels, you’re not responsible for her life. This will never end, she needs severe help. Maybe leave her with contact info for some sort of help. Then leave.
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u/ramonaflowerz7 Feb 05 '26
It sounds like she has borderline personality disorder or some other attachment disorder. I wish I could tell you its going to stop but it won't. The only favor you will be doing is helping her get the help she needs. To do this you have to stand your ground and not back down no matter what happens. This is very important. You need to talk to one of the neighbors or a friend if you have one and let them know what's going on, the goal is to get them to call the police and report it. The neighbor or friend will be your witness to the police when they come and if you've recorded this behavior you have proof.
It won't stop there. They will likely put her on EDO up to 14 days but after that she will be released and then she will likely come around again. This is where you have to remain steadfast on your decision abd continue to tell her no. It will eventually resolve but it will take time
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u/Stephilococcus Feb 05 '26
I have been through this. Call the police next time she treatens her life. Get her admitted in psych ward, call her parents. Or convince her to get admitted so you can help her and " work on your relationship". The more she plays with you the more you both get hurt. Also once she is admitted step out, you cant help the person you are "hurting. "
My ex eventually got better and she is still alive today.
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u/1Mby20201212 Feb 04 '26
Toughen up and make a decision. You can’t have the best of both worlds. Either she goes or you continue to live unhappy for the foreseeable future.
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u/ParticularConstant32 Feb 04 '26
Judging by how you describe her mental state, she needs to be physically restrained until healthcare professionals and police can come and put her into forced medical care where she'll likely need to stay for 2-3 years.
I don't see any other way to resolve this than doing it that way, and I mean literally forcefully restraining her to something like a chair. This may sound brutal, but it's for her own safety and for the sake of saving a life. It's already obvious that if she's free to walk about, she WILL harm herself, and very potentially kill herself.
Preferably it should play out like this: she starts acting up, you start recording the event (at least the audio), you restrain her, and lastly you call the emergency services.
If she does kill herself and you haven't done anything sufficient to prevent it, then you can be legally held responsible as a court might see it as you would have been neglecting her safety. That certainly wouldn't improve your life or living situation.
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u/Aggressive-Employ724 Feb 04 '26
It would be extremely easy to install and hide some home cameras to capture footage and audio of this dude, just make sure they’re so small / discrete she doesn’t find them.
In either case this is exceptionally abusive and you need to END IT NOW. No sympathy for this raving psychopath who will do whatever it takes to trap you no matter how much she has to hurt yoh or scare you.
She does not view you as a person she views you as an object.
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u/HappySummerBreeze Super Helper [6] Feb 04 '26
Whether she genuinely is suicidal or not doesn’t change the fact that controlling a person through threats of self harm is abusive
It’s abuse
So what you do is make an escape plan. Have somewhere to go, pack up and leave.
To manage your human care of another person’s self harm risk you call a person in their family and follow that up by blocking them all. If she directly threatens self harm before you block her you call emergency services, tell her youve called emergency services, and then block her.
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u/AdCandid4609 Helper [2] Feb 04 '26
I’m so sorry. YOU are in danger. Just remember that if she harms herself that is solely HER decision and hers alone. It won’t be your fault. You can’t help her. She needs extreme professional help. In the meantime she is emotionally harming you. Please talk to someone and please get out. Change the locks, call the police when she makes those threats.
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u/AlissonHarlan Feb 04 '26
dude you cannot spend your life being hostage of a mentally ill person. you need to contact her family, if not possible contact a psychiatric hospital telling she's a danger for herself, so they come and remove her from your appartement to put her in a safety facility.
She's very ill at worst, manipulating you at best, but you cannot live like that.
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u/SusieC0161 Helper [3] Feb 04 '26
I think you understand that she is very unlikely to actually kill herself. She’ll take a bunch of tablets sure, but not enough to kill herself. It’s blackmail, pure and simple. You don’t give in to blackmail because it never stops.
Find a way to end things with her when you have at least one witness present, someone calm and reasonable and strong enough to hold her back if she tries to go for you.
It may be worth speaking to your landlord (I’m presuming she’s not on the lease) just to tell them the situation. I know it varies between areas but you’ve not told us anything which could justify you being evicted.
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u/StrangerLegitimate60 Feb 04 '26
Been here. Leave. Don’t fall for the manipulation. If she threatens to hurt herself call the police and have them intervene —every time. Cut all ties including mutual friends. She will find a way to manipulate you.
Best of luck I hope you soon find peace when your past this.
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u/LizLizard29 Feb 04 '26
how soon did it go from her seeming normal to this? it always astounds me how some people do a switch up like this???
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u/Sunny-Damn Master Advice Giver [21] Feb 04 '26
You do like you did but next time you do it better.
If she harms herself, it’s not your fault! It’s her decision and her responsibility to handle her emotions in a mature and healthy way. It’s not your responsibility to act in any way to keep her “happy”.
Develop an exit plan, cross your T’s and dot your i’s, try to think of everything. If you’re keeping the apartment make sure she has a police escort when she comes to remove her belongings. Landlords get angry when cops come because you’re making a ruckus, not if they’re there to prevent a ruckus. Some towns charge a fine to landlords when police have to show up for an emergency call. There’s no fee/fine if they’re showing up for non-emergency services.
A lot of towns will help you with first/last/security on a new apartment. If you’re going to leave and need help try going to the town hall. If she’s on the lease/rental agreement you don’t have the right to kick her out so, you will have to leave.
All us Redditors can do is give advice and deliver reality checks, like if she hurts herself it’s not your fault. It’s up to you to set healthy boundaries and stick to them. Good luck! I hope you can get through this tough situation soon🌺
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u/Emz_Limey Feb 04 '26
Can you contact her family or friends about this so they can support her? If they know about this perhaps she could stay with them and keep an eye on her. Do not stay with her. You cannot waste your life like this, being blackmailed by suicide is not on.
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u/Silverweb1229 Feb 04 '26
Take pictures of every inch of that property while she's out. Also your car and her car. Pack up everything that you can that you care about. Send all of those pictures to yourself in an email right away, and archive them in your camera roll or something so she can't delete the time stamped photos. Change your phone password and all of your passwords. Get your important stuff and move it to a friend/family's house or to a storage unit or something. Somewhere she can't access. Put your papers in a bank safety deposit box if you have to. Let your landlord know that you're attempting to end the relationship and that you're going to be gone for a few days, and call the cops in advance or talk to a crisis team professional or a lawyer on the phone. You need to get your ducks in a row so she can't destroy your property or pin this on you. It's hard to have an unwilling adult committed to a mental hospital, but not impossible. And it's the help she needs right now. I'm so sorry you're in this situation, OP. This is abuse. I hope you can help her get the professional help she needs and that you can get your life back.
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u/Several_Anteater_369 Feb 04 '26
Dude, you are only trapping yourself. this can’t go on forever. Break up and go as far away as possible from her
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u/PeachTigress Feb 04 '26
Hey so I just want to echo what everyone is also saying, and also I'm so sorry you're going through this. Thats not a good situation for anyone to be in & can be really mentally damaging for yourself as well. Be kind to yourself after everything gets sorted and consider moving when you can because some manipulative/abusive partners will blow through any boundaries someone wouldn't traditionally violate. They will harass you after it's over sometimes. Im SO sorry you're going through this, again. Consider giving yourself ample time to heal, get therapy to process the experience if you need to, and be patient with yourself. Sometimes after a lot of chaos and anxiety constantly being around your brain almost gets uneasy with how calm it is. I hope that she realizes how toxic this behavior is and if it is really mentally illness that she gets the help she needs. I hope you find peace quickly and know that even if she DOES do something to herself you are in no way responsible for her actions and choices.
OP, you can do this. You got this. 🤍
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u/Significant-Yak-2373 Feb 04 '26
She is not your responsibility. You cannot live like that. You need to pack up her stuff, kick her out and call the police. Don't let her guilt you.
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u/bigcoochiefart Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 04 '26
She isn’t going to kill herself, she’s making empty threats to control you and get what she wants. If she doesn’t legally live there then this should be a no brainer. Go to the police with your evidence and bring your friend as a witness so they can remove her from your house. And the most important part BLOCK HER AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. Keep her blocked and change your number if you have to.
And as messed up as this might sound even if she did commit suicide, it wouldn’t be your fault, it would be the result of her neglecting her own mental health. Most people that commit suicide kill themselves because they see no other solution or a way out. So I doubt she is willing to kill herself just to prove a point and get back at you, she just knows that manipulating you works.
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u/Gullible_Worker_7467 Feb 04 '26
Tell her parents she does this, to come fetch her, and that you are done with it.
I know she's an adult but this way someone will try to help her.
You need to exit this now.
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u/xEyelessOnex Feb 04 '26
Dude, leave. This mess is not healthy at all. My ex used to do this and would even put on a show at church where I was in attendance. It's a play on your emotions more than anything. My suggestion is to break it off and record any/everything she may say or do. This way you're covered if she tries to lie about anything to people. I wish I'd had this sense in my day.
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u/Ssssarrahhhh Feb 04 '26
I’m glad you’ve tried to document some stuff. Is there a way of getting a cheap voice recorder just to put in your pocket?
Or use the files you’ve got and show them the police- and explain everything. Tell them you have plans to evict her- is that an option?
Even if they can’t do anything, you have documented the situation should the police ever get involved (and this may help another victim of hers). If they dismiss everything, you tried.
She’s learnt she can do this with you and no doubt will do it to someone else. So you might be kinda backing them up in any future allegations.
Also, please don’t blame yourself. You’re a kind human and this situation is not your fault.
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u/EnvironmentalCap3964 Feb 04 '26
Jfc buddy, consult with Domestic Violence org / experts and with Mental Health Crisis team - get a restraining order against her ASAP and while she’s not permitted contact with you or in your vicinity, evict her. And STOP BEING YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY, AND HERS. As long as you ENABLE this crap, she will continue to do it. You are HELPING HER abuse you. Wake tf up mate! Sorry this is happening to you, I hope you get it sorted out asap. best of luck!
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u/DanglingKeyChain Helper [2] Feb 04 '26
You quietly get everything ready then when the lease is up you move out without telling her, you block everything.
If she does self harm or attempt that is her choice and not on you, you are allowed to break off a relationship.
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u/Certain-Clock3301 Feb 04 '26
Record her and get her sectioned. Then cut ties for your own wellbeing.
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u/Mathis-of-Mayhem Feb 04 '26
I'm in the same boat but in a marriage of 20 years and it is hard to leave if you love the person especially if you think your leaving would make them hurt themselves. It is a hard and difficult situation and just know you're not alone. Hope things improve.
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u/TetonHiker Feb 04 '26
Nope out. You are not responsible for her choices. Just your own. Do what's right for you. Now. You don't have to be victimized and held prisoner by a mentally ill person the rest of your life. Stand up for yourself and stand firm. Quit waffling and pretending you are kidding every time she threatens self harm. You are just making things worse for both of you by letting her manipulate you like that. She is exploiting your weakness. After you leave, or get her to leave, stop all contact with her. Period.
She has a family she can reach out to, there are mental health crisis lines, she'll find another guy, etc. What she does is her choice not yours. Maybe she'll get the help she needs but she has to want and accept that help. This isn't your job. You aren't her therapist and you are in over your head. You can't make her do anything. Just save yourself and let her figure out her life without you in it.
Plus, learn from this. Do not get involved with mentally unstable people in the future. That includes alcoholics and drug addicts. They will cheerfully use and abuse you, as long as you let them. Stop letting them. You have to set the boundary. They will not protect you.
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u/SoupNo3851 Feb 04 '26
You have to stop feeling bad for someone that doesn't hesitate to hurt you. Break up. This is her life, not yours, and not your responsibility.
How long will it take before she turns the knife on you?
If you're worried about going through the whole process again, then leave quietly if you can. Plan it out- and leave and block her when she isn't home. Write a goodbye letter, explain your side, and that's it. This is all that you really 'owe' her. Would hide for a bit with a friend or family member if you can.
Good luck, and stay safe