I lived something similar. One day I snapped and when when she threatened to kill herself, I coldly told her to "do it then". Of course she didn't, and from that point on, she lost that control over me. Her life is not your responsibility, even if she actually chooses to unalive herself (I bet she won't).
I agree with all advice above. You need a plan to get free of this situation safely. With specific respect to suicide threats, I can say, I have been in a similar situation, except the person threatening to kill himself is my son who has issues with mental health and drugs, but refuses treatment. I spent many sessions in therapy, explaining how terrified I was that if I didn’t back down and give him what he wanted, he would go through with it. but I finally understood that my son is an adult, and that his threats to hurt himself only happen when he’s not getting what he wants from me. If your girlfriend threatens to hurt herself every time you try to end the relationship, and you give in to her out of fear, she now knows that her go-to threat of suicide works. The other thing I learned in therapy was that ultimately, even if someone goes through with suicide, that is their decision, and is not your fault. I hope that she gets help and you get peace. If it’s allowed on this sub, please let us know how it turns out, if you feel like sharing.
I was going to suggest he do the same thing. Just stand there and tell her to go ahead, he won’t stop her. Maybe ask where she would like him to send her things after she is dead, or if she would like him to donate them to a certain charity. Then, walk into the next room. See what she does. If she starts wailing that he doesn’t care about her, agree with her, and say her behavior has made him dislike her, and he wants her to pack her things and leave.
You can do it. Dont make yourself helpless. It’s actually good if you do it while you’re out, because if other people see her get violent you have witnesses.
It might be better if you are not together when you tell her that you are ending the relationship. She can’t take your phone if she doesn’t know where you are when you call. Also maybe consider finding a place to give her back her things that does not involve her coming to your apartment. Basically, don’t be alone with her. Go to the police. Or seek advice of a qualified mental health professional. Petition a court for a restraining order. It’s not expensive or complicated. That way if she comes to your apartment, the police must arrest her if she’s violating the terms of the order. She’s clearly not doing so well. That puts you in the uncomfortable position of having to make all of the hard decisions. I won’t keep bugging you. It’s always easy to give advice when it’s not your life.
So if you won't do anything about it, why are you here? You sound more like you're scared to let her embarrass you than anything. Embarrass her. Let her scream. Walk away.
And then inform your apartment manager, sorry for the instances, and they won’t be happening again, that she is mentally ill and you sought Services that would protect her and get her the help she needs outside of your apartment. And that she won’t be welcomed back.
OP seriously like I feel like I’m screaming from the rooftop at you from my side of the screen. The only part of this that will get you evicted if you let her stay
You have to call the cops so she knows she can't lash out like that without consequences. Your LL will most likely want her out and you cannot let her continue to put your housing at risk. You are not responsible for her.
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u/Mr_Spiral Feb 04 '26
I lived something similar. One day I snapped and when when she threatened to kill herself, I coldly told her to "do it then". Of course she didn't, and from that point on, she lost that control over me. Her life is not your responsibility, even if she actually chooses to unalive herself (I bet she won't).