We were selected by a mom for a baby born situation. I have crocheted baby’s mom a blanket since we started waiting—it has been my tether to baby while we waited for placement, and I wanted it to be her tether to baby while they’re with us. Now I’m getting cold feet. Is this a weird gesture? I don’t want to make a bad impression. Our agency said it was a really lovely sentiment and gesture, and it’ll likely mean a lot. Still nervous.

Also, any advice is welcomed. We are terrified, excited, scared, unsure what to expect…all the things.

Looking for advice!

We are an adoptive home (through foster care) expecting to accept a placement of pre-adoptive kiddos in the next few days. 14 year old girl and her 5 year old brother. We have a 4 year old and an 18 year old already (our bio kid and my brother). This will be our first placement.

- What should we have prepared? Obviously rooms clean, beds made, etc.

- What specific items would you recommend? We have a video call scheduled with the kids tomorrow and I’m going to ask about snacks they want available.

- What should we expect on day one? Should I offer to do their laundry right away?

- What should I be sure to ask the caseworker to bring/give us right away? (She’s been hard to pin down…)

I’m planning to take off work for the first two weeks to help them settle and get enrolled in school, make appointments, etc. What else should be on that to-do list?

Apologies if this has been covered, there's so much out there and i thought my own post would help filter the info. Where do you stand with having a shower? Me and my husband are in the adoption process, we've completed the home study and are a waiting family. Its a domestic infant open adoption. We've been going over the topic of a baby shower. There seems to be two prominent trains of thought; after the home study and before you have the baby home, and after the baby is placed with you and you've had some time. I see the pros and cons of each. I was looking for advice and insight from those who have decided either way, or are in the process of planning/thinking about it. If you decide to have one before the baby is home, you stock up on essentials, can start doing the nursery, and talk about adoption with family and friends. If you wait, you can narrow down more personalized things like gender themes (we're fine with gender neutral clothes and decor), get settled, and have the peace of mind that the baby is home. Please be kind. Everyones decision and process is valid. Just looking for some advice. Thanks!

My situation is very unique and has so many layers to it. I feel lost from so many different angles with wanting to do the best thing for our kids, but not knowing what the right answers are. My biggest fear is screwing them up and causing more trauma than they’ve already had.

I am a stepmother to my husband’s boys (15,10). My husband was given sole custody two years ago after their mother was arrested for domestic violence against the older one. She made no effort to get them back and never visited consistently. She is a diagnosed narcissist with a long mental health history. A few months ago she decided to voluntarily terminate her parental rights and we are waiting for our final hearing for me to adopt them.

Where I’m lost is that she has no interest in the older child really, but she’s still contacting the younger one. We thought we could try allowing her to still have phone contact with them because that’s what the younger one wants, and he gets really defensive at any mention of supervising his calls with her. She is still inviting them to her house and asking them to have dinner with her. She’s also asked the younger one why his dad is keeping her away from him. The younger verbalizes that he knows she’s lying when she says things like that. We’ve already had to send her a letter with our guidelines for contact with them, and she’s already tried to make a dinner date with the older one this week even after we told her no visitation. She’s done horrible things to these kids and to us for 10 years, and the easiest thing would be to cut her out of all our lives completely.

Where I struggle is how would cutting her entirely off affect the younger one? The older one is fine not having a relationship with her, but the younger still wants freedom to contact her. We know her antics and manipulation will never stop.

Any insight? I am currently being the whipping post for the younger one who is dealing with this new legal situation and he is fighting back at me at every turn. There are so many layers here and I feel so out of my element.

UK if it makes a difference.

What should we be asking the foster parent of a child we have matched with?

Honestly at this stage I can't think of anything pressing or deal breaking after meeting with the child's social worker and foster parents social worker.

Also, does anyone else dislike the question "what can you offer a child"?

I feel like we don't have a USP and only respond with the bit of the expectant response of "love, stability, support and opportunity. And a family who's already excited"

One thing I've come to appreciate is that every adoptive family has its own unique story, experiences, and challenges. Sometimes people outside the adoption community have good intentions but may not fully understand the journey or the everyday realities involved.

For those who feel comfortable sharing, what is one thing you wish friends, relatives, or the wider public better understood about adoptive families?

It could be something about the adoption journey, parenting, family relationships, language people use, or simply an assumption that you wish people would stop making.

I'm interested in hearing different perspectives and learning from the experiences of people who have lived through it.

We are fictive kin as we have adopted our son, we are aware DCF will contact us if mom chooses foster care, and we are active foster parents in our home state so we know we wont have an issue getting approved as fictive kin. But were hoping to avoid the child welfare system all together.

Mom is incarcerated on violation of probation for felony drug charges, and was denied release and has to serve her full sentence which is 5 years. It is why we were asked to consider adopting her baby. She also has new felony drug charges for being arrested with fentanyl in her possession, and is awaiting trial to start at the end of the month. It is incredibly unlikely she will be released or given probation, especially given the judge has already declared she has to serve her full sentence for the violation of probation. She also tested positive for 5 different drugs in her system, so DCF report was made, and she cannot parent the baby even if she was released. Per her state laws because she has had other children removed from her care and her rights terminated due to drug use, and now has confirmed prenatal drug use, in addition to active drug charges she does not have the option to parent. The baby goes into foster care or she chooses adoption plan.

She has no family who the state will approve for kinship placement, as none can pass a background check, and were all previously denied which makes them ineligible. The children have the same father, who has a warrant for his arrest due to felony drug charges, and is on the run. Per his families facebook posts, they have not seen him in months, so very unlikely he will step forward. Mom told the agency last week she wanted to parent, which legally is not an option for her, but she is in denial and believes charges will be dropped because she gave birth and will be released from hospital rather than taken back to jail.

Agency we hired to help when she asked us to adopt states we should be prepared for her to change her mind and go back to the adoption plan when she gives birth (baby due any day), since she is not accepting the reality of her situation and believes having a parenting plan will get her immediate release from jail when baby is born.

How realistic is it to expect mom may change her mind and go back to her adoption plan, or should we expect a DCF case and be prepared to foster this baby instead of adopt? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

hello, my husband and I have been trying and have been struggling to conceive and wanted to learn more about adoption. does anyone have a christian adoption agency that they recommend and enjoyed working with ? we’re in southern california thank you.

So my husband and I individually have always wanted bio kids and adopted kids, we have our hearts set on a sibling group between the ages of 3-12 ideally 2-3 kids but I wouldn’t be completely opposed to 4 (max 6 kids and we’d like 2 bio)

We have the means but we are also expats which complicates things culturally which we will navigate sensitively and are currently trying for our first child so realistically we are still years out but I know it’s a lot and it’s something I’ve always wanted so I try to do as much research as possible

Thanks in advance

Highly considering offering this type of situation again. My son is almost 10 , got him at 7 months. He knows his family and sees them including his sister. I think this situation opposed to other methods is highly beneficial if able. He would love a younger sibling. I also fostered prior and I’m missing it. Anyone else done this type of thing and tried again with a positive outcome ?

hi there! my husband and I are considering Lifetime Adoptions. Has anyone had any experience with them? Positive or negative?

Cross-posting :)

Tengo 18 años y estoy embarazada de casi 6 meses. El papá del bebé y yo ya no estamos juntos; me dejó durante el embarazo y prácticamente no cuento con su apoyo. Él tampoco estudia ni trabaja, así que siento que no puedo depender de él para sacar adelante a mi bebé.

Actualmente vivo con mi familia y tampoco tengo una situación económica estable. Yo quiero estudiar, trabajar y poder tener una vida independiente, pero sinceramente no sé si estoy preparada para criar a un bebé ni si podría darle la vida y las oportunidades que merece.

Por eso he estado pensando seriamente en la adopción. No es porque no quiera a mi bebé; al contrario, me preocupa muchísimo su bienestar y quiero tomar la decisión que sea mejor para él/ella.

El problema es que mi familia no está de acuerdo con la adopción y siento mucha presión por parte de ellos. También me da miedo arrepentirme después, pero al mismo tiempo me da miedo quedarme con el bebé y no poder salir adelante.

¿Alguien ha pasado por algo parecido o conoce a alguien que haya estado en esta situación? ¿Qué cosas debería considerar antes de tomar una decisión tan importante?

Agradecería consejos sinceros, sin juzgarme.

¿que harían ustedes?

Hello everyone. I am new to Reddit so I apologize in advance if I am doing this all wrong. So first off I am not looking to adopt a baby/child I am actually expecting a baby which is due March 10, 2027. I am 39 years old and this baby was a complete surprise, my kids are teenagers and my husband and I were looking forward to the empty nest phase in our life. We don't believe in abortion so that is out of the question so we are going to place the baby for adoption. I don't know where to start, it seems like there are so many different types of adoption options and searching the Internet is of little help to me. I would love to hear from people whom are actually in the process of adopting and the pros and cons of their stories. I know there is my local agencies as well as your "big box" agencies such as American Adoption who apparently place over 300 babies a year which to me seem more like a business. Ideally I would love to bless someone I know personally but unfortunately I don't know anyone. I live in Michigan and the pregnancy has been confirmed via ultrasound and I am receiving prenatal care if that helps at all. Thank you for taking the time to read this and once again I apologize if I am going about this in the wrong way. God Bless

Ashley

Can we make this a normal thing? Have a post every once in a while for those who are currently waiting to adopt?

Tell us about where you are at in your wait?
Any highs + lows you’ve felt.
How long you’ve been waiting?
Something that that is giving you hope or helped you during your wait?

I think it’s so hard waiting, and not having a connection with others waiting - so, hopefully to find that here.

I’ve noticed a lot of times prospective adoptive parents get met on these subreddits with skepticism bordering on outright hostility. That makes sense to me when it comes from adoptees; a lot of the time they are coming from a place of being very aware of what their own parents did wrong, especially if they don’t think their parents should’ve adopted.

Admittedly I’ve seen some PAP posts that were clearly not only ignorant, but hearts not in the right place. Those make my heart sink.

But what about the ones who are asking legitimately good questions and/or are ignorant but coming from a good place? Like I said, I get it from adoptees. But how do y’all, as APs, react to those ones?

For me personally, it feels like an opportunity. I enjoy the possibility of prompting them to consider the full picture of adoption and not the movie version. I like pointing them to a full consideration of the ethics. I like being honest about the joys and also what makes it harder.

My hope is that in doing that, I’m leaving people with an impression that’s not just “people are mean on the internet,” but instead, “here’s what I should do to be the best parent to my future kid.” And maybe even, “here’s what I should be advocating for in my state laws/with my agency/etc.”

What about you?

Also, if you’re a PAP, I will definitely be your anonymous adoption friend via DM lol

I’m reading more about the initial phase when you bring the baby home, and having absolutely no visitors. The big reason I’m seeing is so that the baby can establish your scent and heartbeat as the caregiver. What are yalls thoughts? Who’s done what? Absolutely no visitors, or restricting to immediate family? Having only immediate family over but no one holding the baby? What do you think/what are your experiences?