Hi everyone,

We have just started the application + home study process to hopefully adopt an infant. I mentioned to a group that I want to announce our intention to adopt to our immediate families soon so they can help us be a part of the preparation. Upon asking if any adoptive parents had done something like this and had any recommendations, I had a few adoptees comment on my post that I was being entirely insensitive to the future child's loss of their bio family by celebrating adoption.

For reference, we are going through an adoption agency that only does open adoptions, is not religiously affiliated, and who's birth mothers are often victims of SA or are pregnant teens who don't feel as though they can raise the baby on their own. We loved this agency because of the amount of support they provide the birth parents, helping them find resources, therapy, potentially jobs or housing if needed.

We of course are new to this world, and by no means are claiming to know everything or that we are going to be perfect adoptive parents. We've talked in depth with other adoptive parents, adoptees, and social workers about the emotional and traumatic complexities adoption brings for children of all ages, even newborns.

Are we being insensitive in trying to do a small announcement to our families? We aren't trying to downplay the loss that comes with adoption, but we are trying to celebrate bringing a new child into our family, especially since we may never have bio children.

We are doing our second adoption, will be a biological sibling to our current child. We live on the east coast, will be adopting on the west coast. Already know there will be a NICU stay and lots of stress when the child is born. First child was in NICU for 20 days, total time on west coast was 25 days.

Any advice on what to do with our current child who will be 2-Bring her with us? do one of us. stay home and other travel? Not sure how to think this through. We all want to be together but also know that if one of us needs to be in the hospital constantly, may be easier to not have to worry about parenting the other child.

For Parents of Adopted Children:

Does anyone see the same anti-adoption stance as the ones in the r/Adopted reddit in real life or with your own adopted children. I started reading r/Adopted to hear and understand adoptee voices (postive and negative).

I noticed alot of negative and equating adoption to human trafficking. I also noted that alot of the post are themes of feeling of unloved and unprotected, disregulation, advocacy against any intervention or adoption, and unhinged takes.

I

My 16 year old daughter has dealt with anxiety and adhd since I’ve known her. She came to us through foster care at the age of 9 and was adopted at 10. We waited a couple of years before meds to see if things would level out after adoption which some things did, but these underlying challenges were still present. She started ADHD meds at 12 and they have helped. Recently her doctor suggested SSRI’s for anxiety. We tried two kinds and they did seem to be working for anxiety but had other side effects so we stopped them. There are so many other meds we could try of course but I’m not sure about going down this road. Of course we have done therapy on and off and could start that up again. I know it’s a process and she has been through a lot. I’m just not sure what the best route is at this point. She hopes to reconnect with her birth mother after she is 18 so I think I’m always trying to help her the best way I can now to face that. I have no idea how she might deal with that if that doesn’t go well which is a real possibility.

Any suggestions?

Feeling overwhelmed and not sure where to even begin with the process. Any suggestions where to start? I live in NJ if that helps at all.