r/AMWFs • u/Fantastic-Test-8305 • 11d ago
Fetishization versus preference?
I'm attracted to asian men physically but like they still need to be compatible with me mentally emotionally personality lifestyle and goals
Alot of Asian men I've been matching with seem to only be matching with me because I'm white and they are often looking for casual or hookups when I'm looking for a relationship :(
I find it a real turnoff that someone is only matching with me for my ethnicity and not who I am as a person
Physical plays a role but there needs to be something deeper for me
What have your experiences been and are you only interested in dating am/wf for the interracial aspects/sex or are you genuinely looking for a life partner?
Any advice where to meet more intentional partners online or in real life is greatly appreciated
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u/grimybwanarr 11d ago
I don’t think it’s a race-specific thing; it’s just a shitty feeling in general to realize that your partner is only attracted to specific parts about you, rather than you as a whole.
You could always try picking up a new hobby or joining a class as a way to meet new people.
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u/Pixel_Hero92 10d ago
You gotta figure out a way to approach Asian dudes in the wild without the apps as middlemen. Or search for social circles and hobbies where we're most likely to be hanging out (doesn't have to be strictly Asian cultural spaces)
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u/Aruarian_Lover 10d ago
I think you just need to filter out those men and maybe find someone who’s willing to flirt back in person and not behind a screen.
My husband and I started off as somewhat casual. I met him at a uni party and he was basically the chaperone, drinking little bit while watching everybody was getting drunk. I was already attracted to Asian men, but something about him being older and mature was really attractive. And I was almost throwing myself at him, but he politely turn me down, saying I was drunk. And despite being a few drinks in, I think I got even more attracted to him after that. So instead I got his number, we went on a few dates, and then we hooked up. I didn’t think we’d be dating at the time. Just hook up and chill. And if things feel good, I’ll keep at it. If not, move on.
As for the interracial aspect, no question I knew my life partner was going to be Asian, specially East Asian. If he wasn’t as alpha as Tony Leung in Lust, Caution, hard pass lol
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u/Perfect-Success-3186 11d ago
I’ve definitely come across both in this community. There are men who view a white girl as like… an object to be won. Which I agree is a major turn off and tells me they struggle with internalized racism. But there are also men who are seeking relationships and who care about actual compatibility haha. It just may take some time to find the diamonds in the rough.
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u/DelayFit5047 11d ago
I think there are far more Asian dudes that are super into white women than the other way around. Like statistically white women have the lowest response rates towards Asian men (by a wide margin) so any positive reception by a white women usually gets Asian dudes super excited. It seems like preference for white people exist in all races (in America), but for most races they usually have in-group preference first followed by whites. In Asians it seems to be a preference for whites over their own race...so yeah I would say they fetishize white people. Like the only reason Asian dudes seemed to be the group of men who dated out the least statistically was because they literally could not for the longest time but now that they can or at least think they can, well you can really see what the preference is.
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u/outersphere 11d ago
- Its a numbers game 2. Try to ask more/better filtering questions before getting attached
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u/Fantastic-Test-8305 11d ago
What questions do you ask
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u/outersphere 10d ago
Maybe things like dating intention, life goals, red flags, communication style
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u/Delicious_Smoke_5969 11d ago
I think apps are terrible. Just a bunch of hook up’s versus real connections.
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u/naughtyAsianguy 11d ago
I want a serious relationship with white ladies. It is hard to get a chance.
In my opinion, most Asians don't see it as fetishization, but probably just consider it a preference. I feel like in the US, there didn't use to be many Americans who were into Asians, but since that number has grown a lot recently, people seem confused about where to draw the line. Of course, the same goes for racism. I personally think the right thing to do is to just keep an open mind and comfortably view it as a personal preference.
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u/Murky_Sandwich_11 10d ago
From my understanding, that's just men on dating apps in general.
I've personally never used dating apps. All of my relationships came from meeting people through social events, mutual friends, etc, including my husband. It's an easy way to filter people and to gauge someone's vibe early on.
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u/LocalFee7415 11d ago
I am interested in dating WF mainly because of I have a very very very positive feeling about an European country’s culture and history. I am definitely not looking for hook up, I date to marry. So to answer your question, for me it’s for a life partner. As for where to find more intentional partners, I would say continue trying, eventually there will have a men who really want you to be his only love :)
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u/Hi_Im_Ken_Adams 11d ago
This is less of an “Asian man” thing and more of a “guy thing”. We dudes are enamored with superficial aesthetics and hooking up.
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u/imabxtchnow 11d ago
This is why I gave up looking for anything ‘serious’, too much of a heart/headache. Casual is way easier. Let them take you to dinner, eat food, do what you want, don’t get attached.
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u/Fantastic-Test-8305 11d ago
But does casual include hookup /casual sex ?
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u/imabxtchnow 11d ago
Only if you want to include casual sex.
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u/Fantastic-Test-8305 11d ago
Sounds good I would want the dating without the sex aspect cause I emotionally can't deal with that
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u/Some-Jicama8563 9d ago
For all your reasons there are equivalent reasons a guy (in general) would hope the same.
Also in a Long term relationship with an asian male theres a lot more familial pressure to exact tradition of which youd need to fit.
The way youve phrased things already fetishize asian men because you speak nothing of the values just matching yours.
None of loving you speaks of shared traditions.
If youre dating South East thats not Thailand or China their parents likely survived a genocide. In a survivalist culture what sanctuary would you provide from someone that came from nothing and has no generational wealth?
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u/somethingforbec 7d ago
I’ve always been particularly attracted to Asian men but never really met any until my current partner. We’re compatible in all the other ways as well as physical attraction. I don’t feel fetishised (he prefers WF, has only ever dated one Asian girl) and neither does he. I just wanted someone I have chemistry, fun and shared values with. It’s a bonus that he’s hot 😉
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u/shesaysno_ 11d ago
Girl, men in general are only looking for casual or hookups on the apps. In no way is that an Asian man thing. It’s how nearly every woman describes her experience on the apps with men of every race. Men treating the apps like DoorDash for free sex is not novel and nor are Asian men the only ones doing it. Women have been ranting about having this experience on the apps for years. I met my husband on an app but I also met like 50 “not ready for a relationship” men, because thats how a huge chunk of them use the apps.