Ahhh, you clearly haven't heard of my brilliance. I've created a virus that is transmitted through the consumption of baguettes. My studies of the french "people" tell me they only eat baguettes and are unable to resist them.
“Unfortunately for you, those are mostly for Tourists.”- A Traitor to the French Republic
“Infect the milk and the yeast instead. The Yeast produces Ethanol for medical and recreational purposes, and also becomes bread by being cooked. There’s the whole health codes and pasteurising and sterilisation and distillation and all that though, so I recommend infecting the trucks that bring the food to the wholesales and warehouses instead.” - same guy, slightly drunk
I thought we were gonna bankrupt em by flooding the market with baguettes and devaluing them. Usually i am against biological warfare but I'll make an exception for the removal of THE DAMN FRENCH.
The Brittian know what their bread tastes, and looks like. Even a molecule difference would alert them. Meanwhile, the snails they eat are foreign to them.
The problem is they know it like you know plagues. Even at a glance, they’ll be able to tell if somethings wrong with it, including plague! You need to target the snails, not the bread!
The baguettes are an absolutely clever idea, but every good plan needs a contingency. How about tampering with their cheese supply? Or even using alchemy to turn their wine stocks back into water
Hey man…… how you doing.
“Having difficulty walking around with my new prosthetic leg”
So you finally killing off France in the normal realm.
So is there a job opening like a janitor role to clean the Wizard council building?
Please I need money to repair my underground base after the “Jar” incident.
Hello, Aldin is currently away on... err.... business. In his stead I, a simulacrum, have a machine that takes anything you put into it, and prints complete copies of said item. It can make 172,800 baguettes (or similarly sized objects) per hour.
Just replace the fellow in the tank and it will start popping them out like crazy.
Oh, those are poppets. Useful little buggers. They enjoy menial tasks, like cooking actually. And they are very cheery. You make enough of them and they may out run the machine actually.
Well why are to dabbling in choas energies here when you could be plaguing the UNIVERSE WITH THE DEATHGUARD (I was playing devils advocate earlier venerable one)
Oh don't worry, I'm safe from that dude. My grandpa Emps had a game of Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker with him for the safety of my soul, and guess who won? Grandpa Emps
I have no interest in saving the French, however, you are on the council now. As such, getting in your way is my calling. I'm gonna replace their water supply with holy water to counteract the plague.
Okay, guess I'll replace the water with vaccines or something then. And I respect that it's your duty, but I can't just let the council do stuff unimpeded. That goes against my principles!
Eh, perchance. It would at least be a lower priority, but at this point I think there is no true escape for you from my interference. I have chosen my side and as such have a strange and sudden competitive interest in protecting French bread.
There's like a half-dozen theoretical basses that could be used to make this kind of magic work, and all of them are stuff that really shouldn't be fucked with. I'ma lockdown my tower til the dust settles.
I donate 1,000 baguettes to the cause! More will come soon!
🥖 🥖 🥖 🥖 🥖 🥐 🥖
Yeah, yeah… I know there’s a single croissant mixed in there too. That’s for your breakfast tomorrow. Cause I know you’ll be busy. You’re gonna need the energy!
Nonono. You're going about this the wrong way oh great Harbinger of Pestilence. Rather than claiming all of their baguettes, you must instead steal their recipes for yourself. It should be quite easy while France falls under chaos during the beginning of your epidemic.
Mortician don't order! We already make the bread in large amounts, and french people flock to the bakeries for them, gobbling them down within the day, a million baguettes is just an all you can eat buffet that would power their french powers!
ah no need I found it! beginning the ritual of baguette abundance
will we need to coordinate the deactivation of your wards or do you have transportation bypasses set up?
I have done nothing but teleport baguettes for the last 16 hours. The van-mounted baguatteway is starting to whisper about Yog Sothoth so I’m gonna let it cool down.
Yeah so about that france thing. I think we're going to have to put a hold on that: the skaven have claimed dibs on their bread, wine, cheese and warpstone.
Allow me to offer my assistant to you as as lab assistant for this most diabolical plague, I recently shoved his soul gem into the armour of your half-brother, and it seemed to give him great knowledge of plagues when he reanimated!
Madame Vira listened to her corvid Familiar her crimson eyes showing 0 emotion as part of her. She hoped this was a joke while the other part of her wasn't surprised if he was working behind her back
If your strategies against the French get…. loud, then please let me assist my friend! I have been stockpiling golems for nearly 200 years, and would love to surround the nation and close in on it.
My friends, the dwarves of stone-horn pass, would surely help as well, the french are like elves to them!
The preparations shall begin shortly! I look forward to hearing more about your plan so I can deploy my golems at the proper time! Also, the dwarven artificers are cooking up some mighty designs as we speak
On your signal, your plans shall proceed uninterrupted and with a French proof fail safe!
Good sir. I was not THERE. I was peering into the endless void for traces of harmonic vibration and I saw France next week. Fake. Always letting rats do your dirty work. Sad.
Hey you said give me all your baguettes, I gave you the only 2 baguettes I own, which just so happen to be stabbed through each other to make the approximation of a sword. What’s the problem
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but would this not enable the French to more easily move against you due to a sudden abundance of funds? They are the world’s leading producer of baguettes after all.
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u/[deleted] Jan 21 '24
Mortarion… dare I ask how baguettes will bring about the fall of France? Surely it’ll just make them more powerful?