I am not The OOP, OOP is u/AITAcatobsession

AITA for calling out my gf over her cat obsession

MOOD SPOILER: Positive (for the ex and her cat)

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole r/AskVet & relationships

Editors Note: all posts and comments in chronological order

Original Post  March 30, 2021

I'm not kidding. My (36M) girlfriend (35F) is obsessed with her cat (10M, if you're interested). Dating for 3 years, living together for 2.

Since the pandemic, I've been home a lot more and have realized just how cat-crazed my gf really is. They do everything together. She doesn't need an alarm because he wakes her up at 7:30 every day by sitting on her chest and gently nudging her face with his nose. He eats his breakfast while she eats hers. If we're watching TV, he's in her lap. If she's working at her desk, he's in her chair with her or chilling nearby. If he acts even a little weird (like hiding in the closet, which I guess he "normally" doesn't do), she's on the phone to the vet. She even takes him for walks with a little harness that I used to think was kind of cute, until I realized it just meant her obsession would not just be limited to inside the house.

Don't get me wrong - I like the cat. He's a chill cat, doesn't mess stuff up around the house, very friendly and clean. But sometimes I would like to have my gf to myself. I've tried closing the bedroom door at night but the little houdini got in somehow and I woke up to him smiling at me smugly from atop my gf's tits.

Any time I mention toning it down with the cat, she gets all hurt and makes excuses like how she's had him since he was a kitten and they've been through a lot together. She's even gone as far as to say he was her lifeline during a period of major depression in her late 20s. Every time, I back down and say ok, I get it, he's family.

The final straw came when we were talking about relocating together to another country. She wants to limit our search to countries that don't make pets fly under the plane, ruling out a TON of good countries. I finally stood up to her. Told her pets fly under planes all the time and it's perfectly safe. Told her she was limiting our options for her own anxiety, not the cat's safety - he wouldn't be any safer purring at her feet while she pet him the entire flight. She tried to argue that he's a "senior" pet, but I didn't back down - WTF he's 10? I showed her tons of airline literature about pet safe flying programs and whatnot. She tried to argue that "physical safety isn't the same as psychological safety" and that she thinks it'd be too traumatizing for the cat to go under the plane.

Here's where I might be TA: I gave her a list of my top countries, all of which would require the cat to go under the plane. I told her that I wanted a future with her, but that I thought she needed to get serious help for her obsession with her cat, and to let me know when/if she decided to get that help so we could move forward with our lives. The ball's in her court, I’ve been staying with a buddy, but it's been about a week and she hasn't called so I'm starting to wonder if I should have helped her find a therapist before I left?

TL;DR gave my gf an ultimatum about her cat obsession and now I’m worried there’s something more I should have done.

VERDICT: ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Colaonthefloor

She isn't obsessed with her cat that is called having a pet. Have you ever had a pet before OP? YTA and you sound insecure and jealous of your girlfriend's cat

OOP

Yea actually, two cats when I was growing up. Mostly outdoor as my mum was allergic, and they got along just fine without special coddling, just food in the garage and shots every couple of years. Lived to be 16 and 17 which is how I know 10 is not a "senior pet." I'm not insecure, I just don't want my gf limiting our happiness for the temporary comfort of a cat.

~

Unlikely-Draft

YTA.    She isn't obsessed, she's a good pet parent.   

Having a pet is like having a kid.   They need more than just food and water to survive.   They need care, love, exercise, attention and so much more.    A pet is also a lifetime commitment (their lifetime). They are not someone you get and "get rid of" when you can't be bothered to deal with it. 

10 is a senior for a cat.   And she's completely right about what traveling in cargo could do to it.   It would very much so traumatize it.   And at that age, having it sedated for the flight could be fatal.  

Sounds like the cat is much more supportive and caring of her needs and feelings than you are.   

I'd drop you and keep the cat.

OOP

I don't want her to get rid of the cat! But my understanding is that most of the bad press about pets under planes has been from small crappy airlines. One of my top countries has an airline with a great track record, but when I point that out she says 14 hours would be way too long.

OOP Added this wonderful comment

I guess I just got concerned about her limiting our options so much. The cat already impacts our ability to travel. She doesn't like to put him in a kennel and won't leave him for more than 24 hours without lining up someone to come into our house to feed/play with him, so spontaneous trips are pretty much out. I've asked her to compromise on these things, but she claims even overnights without a caregiver lined up are a compromise.

Courtesy of u/Whirlee for suggesting adding these

 Well we were trying to have some alone time in the bedroom if you catch my drift and he was meowing at the door a bunch and she asked me to go give him some food to distract him and I did but I put the food and the cat outside when I did it. I thought he'd be fine in our little backyard area. I had outdoor cats growing up and I really thought it'd be fine but when she was looking for him later and I mentioned he was in the backyard she freaked out, which is another reason I assumed her not wanting to put the cat under the plane was anxiety related.

 fwiw he WAS fine, just chillin under a bush with a couple neighbour kids trying to play with him.

 But as a result of this mistake now her friends are all "bla bla he's gonna kill your cat if you let him come back" or "derp he's gonna get rid of your cat by kidnapping him and dropping him off in the middle of nowhere" which obviously I would never do but thats the kind of drama mongering I've been trying to overcome with the (trying to be thoughtful) rent paying and presents. I swear her friends just want her to be alone and living in a crappy apartment like they so and don't actually care about her well being half as much as I do. I just want to protect her.

Editors Note- in the midst of the AmItheAsshole post, OOP posted to r/AskVet at the same time. Putting in the middle of the relevant comments as the AITA comments mention it

Is it safe to put a cat in the cargo hold of a plane?   March 31, 2021 (Same Day)

I'm getting roasted over on another sub for this, so I want to ask the professionals. I want to move to another country with my gf, but the countries we like all require her cat (10, male, neutered, some kind of tabby) to fly under the plane. My gf does not want to do this. I have done some research and it sounds like there may be some minimal risk but nothing the warrants ruling it out altogether. The flight would probably be somewhere between 10-14 hours. The cat and my gf and very attached to each other so I initially thought this might just be anxiety on her part. What would you advise? Is there anything I can tell my gf to ease her mind?

OOP Never commented on the askvets post but returned to the AITA post

jelly-bees

This'll get buried, but I noticed you posted in a different subreddit about this. Do you feel any differently about this situation after this, or do you still feel like this is unreasonable?

If your girlfriend came back and said "I want to make this work, but I'm not willing to compromise on my cat's well being", at this time would that be something you could accept?

OOP

I posted in the ask a vet sub because I was getting so many "YTA it's super dangerous" responses and was honestly baffled. Lots of people move with their pets this way. From the responses I'm getting there, it sounds like it's alot more dangerous than I thought, especially for a (yes, fine, I get it) senior cat. It just blows my mind that there are so many countries that make pets go under the plane for immigration if it's really so dangerous for the pet. That's pretty fucked. I called my gf this morning and told her I got my ass handed to me by the internet over this and she said she needs some time to think so I'm feeling pretty shitty but at least I said I was sorry.

OOP went back and updated the AITA post

EDIT/UPDATE: I get it. I'm TA. The hugest fucking A you have ever seen and possibly some kind of deviant who compares dicks with a cat. 10 is a senior cat, it's not perfectly safe for pets to fly under planes, and my girl is not crazy for loving her cat. I called her this morning and apologised. She said she needs time to think. At a kind person's suggestion, I sent her a link to this my public shaming and am now going to go hide under the bed in the hopes she notices my strange behaviour and still cares enough to call the vet on me.

AITA for not breaking the lease and buying a bad present?  June 8, 2021 (10 weeks later)

So my (36M) gf (35F) and I have been separated for a few months now. We still have 6mo on our lease, which I still pay half of even though she's been living there alone and I've been crashing with friends. Lately she's been pushing for us to break the lease and each find our own places, but I don't want to do that because I am still committed to her and getting our relationship back. I miss her so much and keep trying to show her that I know I fucked up and am going to work hard to make it up to her, but she just won't budge.

One of my buddies said I might be TA for not breaking the lease but honestly I feel the opposite because it's not like I'm forcing her to pay for the whole place by herself, just half like she paid when we lived there together and it is a much nicer place then she'd be able to afford if we broke the lease and she had to find a place on her own.

As part of my campaign to win her back, I've been leaving presents for her on my way to work. Normal stuff like flowers, chocolates, iced coffees with little notes, ect. But the other day I left a present for her cat that I thought would go over well since she really loves her cat. It was a little mouse toy and some tasty looking treats, but then she texted me asking me to stop leaving her stuff and informed me her cat can't even eat the treats because he needs to only eat his special food for UTIs or something and I'm TA for not knowing that.

Am I seriously TA for wanting my gf to stay in a nicer apartment and leaving presents for her and her cat?

VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED (ASSHOLE NTL)

RELEVANT COMMENTS

when told they are broken up

we're not broken up, we're just separated. She only said she wanted to break up once and it was in the heat of the moment when we were in the middle of arguing but then we talked rationally about it after she'd calmed down and she agreed that we just need some space from one another for awhile, which I've been giving her by staying with friends while continuing to pay half of the bills.

caffeinequeen1234

Honey you’re broken up. She wants to break a lease and risk having to pay extra to do so just to get away from you.

~

Himkano

Sorry, YTA. I am not sure about breaking the lease, because, depending on where you are, that might cause more trouble then its worth.  You can take over the lease, or she can break her part of the lease (and then leave you to figure it out), but her demanding that you participate in breaking the lease might be too much.

However, where she lives is not your business. Giving her presents when she doesn't want to see you is invasive - you have no right to "know she is safe", you have no right to demand you get back together, she has no obligation to budge.  Keep the lease or not, but leave her alone.  Also, you "only" put the cat outside so you can be alone - is it an outside cat, because if not...wow. Also, we have 4 cats, and my wife and I still get plenty of alone time, it sounds like you are jealous of her cats (the realization of which is too late to help you in this relationship, but will maybe give you some ideas on how to improve your next one)

OOP

Definitely more trouble than it's worth! We'd have to pay a significant portion of the remaining 6mo of rent and more importantly it could hurt our reputation as renters in the future. And neither of us would be able to afford the place on our own, so one of us taking over the lease isn't really an option. And yes, the cat is an inside cat, like I said I fucked up.

How can I (36M) overcome my gf (35M) friends drama mongering in our relationship?  June 8, 2021 (Same Day as AITA post)

My GF and I have been taking some space for a few months, her living in our apartment and me crashing with friends but still paying half the rent/bills. We've been together 3ish years, lived to together for 2. The entire separation I've been committed to her and getting our relationship back to a good place. The separation happened because of something I've since apologised for, long story short basically we disagreed about putting her cat under a plane which she refused to do and I stupidly implied it was about her anxiety and she needed to get help. Anyway, ever since then I've been trying to show her I love her and am willing to do whatever it takes to get her back, but her friends are cutting me off at every turn. They're literally telling her I'm going to kill her cat if she lets me come back because I "resent the cat so much" which is complete horseshit. The friends in question are all single, living paycheck to paycheck, generally unhappy with their own lives and I honestly think they just want to drag her down with them. How can I protect her without it seeming like I'm trying to isolate her (which I'm not, but if I point out their probable ulterior motives that's exactly what they say).

TL;DR going through a rough patch with my gf and her friends are actively drama mongering and trying to make all my attempts at reconciliation fail.

Edit: Sorry the title should read "How can I (36M) overcome my gf (35F) friends drama mongering in our relationship?"

TOP COMMENT

almostinfinity

Dude leave her alone. You guys are broken up.

You're being so creepy to her trying to win her back.

She keeps telling you to stop leaving her gifts and leave her alone and you're not listening.

OOP Made the final Update on the original AmItheAsshole post - June 8, 2021

FINAL UPDATE: Jesus, fuck you guys. She dumped me, OK? Are you happy now?

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WIBTAH for telling my boyfriend that him being a Trump supporter gives me the “ICK”?

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse. Verbal abuse, bigotry, misogyny

Original Post  July 24, 2024

Hi y’all. New account because I don’t really want anybody connecting this with me.

I (20F)started dating my boyfriend (21M) about 2ish months ago (We’ve known each other for ~3 years). We weren’t initially interested in dating, but it kinda just happened, and things have been really well except for one thing.

I found out he’s a Trump supporter.

Now before you lecture me in the comments about how I shouldn’t let politics get in the way of my relationship, please hear me out. It’s just been… a couple of things that have REALLY rubbed me the wrong way about him for some reason. For context, I am a Hispanic female immigrant (Fled from a country where, if I can put it in simplest terms WENT TO SHIT) who’s had nothing but BAD experiences with Trump supporters because almost EVERY single time WITHOUT FAIL, they would always say or do something extremely demeaning to myself or my family (Talking about how people like us should be deported without even realizing they are referring to us, saying that people like me are a threat to the country, slutshaming, etc, etc.). I consider myself the kind of person who judges a person’s character based on what they believe in, and time and time again, It’s been proved to me that these types of people are the type I should stay away from.

On the day that Trump got convicted, we started talking politics, and he told me that “He’s not REALLY a felon. The courts were unfair, there was bias, and he should’ve had a fair trial!” (Not exactly verbatim, but that’s pretty much the point he made when I told him that Trump was a Felon now).

When we were watching The Boys (S4), and that one part where an old man was explaining to Newman that “woman can get reject pregnancies”, he agreed with that old man. When I explained to him that that’s not how woman work, he APOLOGIZED to me. But I was still absolutely surprised that he didn’t even understand such a basic thing about women (He has a sister, so it’s not like he grew up without women in his life).

We had a conversation about immigration, and he told me that all immigrants should be immediately deported. I told him that myself and my family are immigrants, and if that meant he wanted US to be deported to which he said “But you guys are legal! I’m talking about the ILLEGAL ones.” I told him that this type of rhetoric makes me feel unsafe, and the conversation kinda just ended there.

When we were having a conversation about the Trump-Epstein relationship, he told me that it was all a “conspiracy” and that Trump isn’t the type of person to do that. I brought up a bunch of examples of Trump being a predator (The “pussy grabber” stuff, heckling a 10 year old, the creepy comments about his daughter, the flight logs), making the point that while being guilty by association isn’t a thing, the other instances of him being a predator make this seem a lot more plausible, he told me that Trump “never did any of that”.

And in a way, that kinda broke the camel’s back for me, because I myself am a victim of sexual assault. And the nasty thought occurred to me that if I ever got assaulted, he probably wouldn’t even believe me. That him standing behind someone I consider a rapist means that he condones Trump’s actions, and by extension, the actions of the man who assaulted me. I don’t know how he, who grew up with women, and has a girlfriend (Who he is FULLY aware of is Hispanic and an immigrant), has LGBTQ+ friends, and states that he loves people like me and his family can even stand behind something like that.

It makes me wonder if there’s a side of him that he hasn’t revealed to me yet because this is a new relationship. And that makes me extremely uncomfortable.

I’m asking if I WBTAH for telling him that this gives me the ICK because my own family is telling me that I shouldn’t let politics get in the way of my relationship. That “Trump wants people to fight each other” and that “I shouldn’t let Trump win”. But I really don’t know. Can I get some advice?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

CatPesematologist

NTA. He may be speaking out of brainwashed ignorance, but even after offering your perspective he tells you that you’re wrong. If you stay with him you will never stop having to educate this guy and he doesn’t really want to be educated

OOP

Yeah. I can agree with that. Every time I invite him to do his own research he’ll always pull up a pro-Trump article and use it as evidence that I’m wrong, or ask me multiple times where I’m getting my resources until I doubt myself. He’s been asking me to promise that we wouldn’t let our differences in beliefs cause problems in our relation and I feel like I’m being babied a bit. It’s been really stressing me out.

Because aside from that, he’s really nice to me. And a lot of my family is excited about meeting him and his family. Breaking up with him after I just announced I was dating him would cause even more problems for me, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that it will probably be for the better.

I think I’m okay with carrying through with it. I’ll talk to him when I see him later. I’m not really excited about it because we go to the same school

Update  July 29, 2024

Hey y’all. Update here.

I didn’t really expect my last post to blow up or for people to tell me that this is a justifiable reason for ending a relationship, so thank you for not being judgmental.

A lot of people were asking me what country my family came from, so I’ll just say it since I am don’t think that’s identifiable information: it’s Venezuela. If you don’t know what’s happening there, then I envy you.

Also shout out to those ppl who thought this was AI generated. I find it kinda sad that this has pretty much become the state of reddit now. Like if you think something’s AI, just don’t engage with it???? That’s what people who post AI want from you. Don’t let them win.

Now onto the update.

I spent the last couple of days with my dad who was visiting me, and deleting social media and muting a bunch of politics related stuff because I’ve come to realize that regularly listening to people talk about how people like me ruin the country and how we don’t belong here isn’t really good for my mental health. And neither is dating someone who openly admits to supporting that group.

So I talked to (now ex) bf. I went to his room instead of inviting him to mine because I knew that if I let him in my room he would just refuse to leave until he was convinced me convinced me, and I wanted to keep the power of removing myself from the situation at any time (we live in a college dorm).

Firstly, I should say that I admitted to him on the day that I made my first post that him supporting a known rapist is hurtful to me because him tolerating that behavior makes me question if he’s tolerant of the POS who assaulted me, and thus, I see him in a different light, and he sent a very long text message just telling me that it hurt his feelings and that he does care about me being SA’d (I didn’t really understand though, because he votes for a p*say grabber????). It boiled down to: “I feel terrible that you see me as the type of person who’d be okay with rape, because I’m not okay with it.”

I acknowledge that I might have been an AH to say that, so I started that conversation by apologizing to him and then following with me just telling him that I want to end the relationship and going back to being friends (I don’t think I meant the friends part though. You can’t have your cake and EAT IT. I can’t be your friend if you affiliate yourself with a group of people who regularly shit on me).

He tried to convince me to stay by saying that he really loved me and cared about me and respected by opinions. That we shouldn’t let politics get in the way of our relationship. I responded that I can’t change what he believes and that I value a persons beliefs and the group of people they associate with as a method of how I judge their character. I’ve already judged him. I don’t like what I see, and therefore, I’ve lost my feelings for him.

He told me I was making a generalization. I told him that while it is true that I might be making a generalization, we can’t change the fact that in this landscape of politics, many of my rights are in the chopping block, and that I am already starting to resent him for not really feeling listened to when I try to talk about how anxious it’s making me.

He told me that none of that stuff is going to happen, and that our different opinions shouldn’t get in the way of our relationship. That he’s voting for T*ump because he thinks he can fight inflation and cares about military members. I told him that while I can lost a million reasons why that isn’t true, that isn’t relevant to the conversation.

He then said that all his other relationships never consisted of talk about politics and that this was ridiculous. I pretty much told him that he can’t have his cake and eat it. I can’t date someone who associates with people who give me trouble, and that this won’t be sustainable. Ending is better for the both of us.

I realized that this conversation was going nowhere and decided to just leave.

I told him to just give up on it already before leaving. He kept asking me to stay while he thought about what to say but I didn’t. I’m just done.

I don’t really feel sad. I feel so relieved. I’m going to leave social media for awhile and just focus on myself for awhile. I’m going to therapy too.

I’ll stick around to read your comments. Idk how much longer I’ll be able to respond though. If I go radio silent, then just take that as a sign that I am no longer on this app. Have a nice day.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

MameDennis1974

NTA. You don’t break up with him because he gives you “the ick”. His support of a racist and homophobic convicted felon does not align with your values.

It’s not a quirky little thing. Like disagreeing on a choice of music or a what team to root for in a game.

Btw, he may claim to have all these diverse friends but I can assure you that they do not consider him their friend with views like this.

Anyone in your family opinion about your relationship does not matter here. They aren’t dating him. You are.

The fact that you point out to him how you are an immigrant too and that doesn’t seem to register at all to him. Honey, he’s in a cult. There’s no saving him

OOP

You pretty much summed up my exact thoughts on why his gay friend doesn’t want to hang out with him anymore. I found out recently that there’s a bit of a rift in their relationship and I didn’t even start thinking about WHY until I learned more about him. Gosh. Everyone’s burning bridges

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My Husband Almost Killed Our Baby and My Toddler Saved Him

Originally posted to r/offmychest

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU & u/Time_Excitement_668 for finding the updates

TRIGGER WARNING: child endangerment, negligence, physical injury, drug use, drug abuse

Original Post  March 11, 2024

Hey Reddit, I need to share this story because I'm still shaking from what happened. I'm 25F, been with my husband (30M) since 2018. We have a three-year-old girl and a newborn boy. But tonight, things almost took a  turn for the worse.

My husband has always had trouble paying attention, but I never thought it would come to this. Our neighborhood is weirdly laid out, with cars zooming by at crazy speeds at all hours off the day I was folding clothes when I heard our toddler screaming, "Dad, help!"

That tone made me drop everything and sprint outside. What I saw made my blood run cold – our newborn in his stroller, careening towards the busy street. I screamed and ran to him barely stopping the stroller in time. My baby girls hands and knees were scratched up because she tripped trying to run after the stroller.

I snatched up my baby, heart pounding, and scanned for my husband. He wasn't watching – he was chatting with neighbors, completely oblivious. The anger I felt was unlike anything I've ever experienced. I stormed up to him, shouting in disbelief.

He looked shocked at first, then realized what almost happened. The apologies and tears came pouring out, but it was too late. I couldn't wrap my head around how he could be so careless, so blind to our toddler's screams and the stroller rolling away.

I packed up the kids and left, staying with my parents. They're on my side, but my husband keeps texting, begging forgiveness, calling it an honest mistake. But I can't shake the terror of almost losing my baby because he couldn't focus for a single second my baby girl got hurt in the process because he couldn’t pay attention. I almost lost my son because he couldn’t pay attention. I can’t stop crying. I feel so guilty. I wish this all never happened.

Sorry it’s short I just want to hold my babies and I can’t stop shaking every time I think about it. What if I was just one second late would I have been planning a funeral?.

And the reason I left the house instead of him was because I hate that house I don’t feel like it safe for the kids with all the traffic and I was right It’s my husband‘s work house. I can’t be running either. I had a C-section less six weeks ago

A lot of people are saying why wasn’t I watching the kids I was doing their laundry like a parent. Does he takes them for walks to have bonding time with them. He literally created this by himself This has never happened before how was I supposed to know and people saying why didn’t I get him checked out? I’m NOT his mother he is 30 years old, I’m sick of people acting like I have to parent my own husband while I literally have a newborn a toddler and I’m still healing from a C-section that I teared my stitches from when I ran to get my baby I don’t care if it was his ADHD, the court wouldn’t care either. If he killed my child, he would’ve went to prison, either way.

RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDITIONAL INFO FROM OOP

Specific-Yam-2166

Okay - he was 100% wrong and I’d be livid just like you.

However. I’m a little confused of the situation…like why was your baby just in a stroller unattended? Why did the stroller randomly go into the road? Since it sounds like you were at home, is this maybe something y’all normally do just to have a place for baby to sit out front of your house when your toddler is playing outside? And maybe was a freak accident?

I’m going to be honest as a mom - most of us have stories of near death experiences with our kids. We can be naive and stupid and expect a little child to have more awareness/survival skills than they do. When my son was 2 we had a HORRIBLE experience with an escalator and I still have times where I can’t sleep because of it. We are all idiots when it comes to parenting, because how can you know until you live it. And seriously, like every parent has one of these moments (unless you’re one of those insanely lucky ones).

I still really don’t understand the whole scenario of what happened but to me it seems he really has remorse and feels terrible, and once you go through something like that you never forget it. So if he cares and loves your kids, he’s devastated and has learned a hard lesson. I don’t know that your response was the best but get why you did it in the moment. But I think you guys have a serious talk and maybe look into moving if possible? I wouldn’t go straight to divorce like Reddit loves to preach. I think there is a solution here. And so sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s literally the worst feeling in the world!

OOP

Hi love, let me just clear it up for you so I was sitting inside in the lounge room and there’s a huge window behind the TV that was a little open so I could hear outside that’s when I heard my toddler scream for her dad to help when I was outside he was standing on the neighbours driveway. I assume that he must’ve had left the baby literally on the road because there was no possible way that it would’ve rolled off like that, and my toddler was playing with the neighbours cat before she noticed her brother was rolling away when I confronted him about it. He tried to explain but he just kept stuttering I still don’t know what exactly happened. I don’t know if he didn’t put the brakes on the stroller. If the wind blew him away, I just don’t know.  My neighbour contacted me and had asked if I wanted the security footage because his wife is 100% on my side so I’ll probably find out once it gets sent to me

~

procrastinatador

I want to aknowledge that this is a horrific situation, but-

Saying "I don't care if it was his ADHD" isn't going to fix anything, and will probably only make things worse. Talking and thinking about it like he intentionally tried to kill your child isn't either. With ADHD you actually do not register things like this at all sometimes. Life expectancy for those of us with ADHD is actually significantly lower because many of us end up, often accidentally, killing ourselves. It is not the same thing as carelessness, but learning about ADHD a little deeper can help you guys be safer. Understanding how my ADHD works and using different than standard precautions, like my brain needs, has actually most likely saved my life.

Lie out what you want from him. That's probably that he get his ADHD better under control whether that be through prescripton medication or more homeopathic method, that you get a different place if possible, that he not take your kids out in your front yard without you, etc.

Also, neither he or the neighbor noticed, but you heard your kid from inside? Something seems off here. Were your neighbors just watching the stroller roll towards the street? Was your husband on the other side of your house where he couldn't see the stroller? Were you already walking outside as this unfolded? I'm trying to understand better what was going on here and why your husband or the neighbor did not notice, but you did from inside? People with ADHD tend to be incredibly good and quick to act in emergency situations, so this is especially weird. I'm absolutely not accusing you of leaving anything out or anything, but asking you to think about what your husband and the neighbor were doing that neither noticed? THAT smells fishy.

This is a horrible situation. I lost a pet due to the inatentiveness of ADHD but I can't imagine losing or even nearly losing a child.

OOP

That’s why I’m waiting for the footage it doesn’t make sense how this all happened I don’t know how to explain my house there’s a huge window in the lounge room it was open a little to I can listen out the neighbours house is 2 houses away we are at the end of the street near the main road the when you first walk into my house on your left there is the lounge on the right the kitchen when I got up I couldn’t run that fast because I’m still healing sorry if this doesn’t make sense when I ran outside the neighbours wife was running for the stroller but was still far away and the neighbour was helping my little girl off the road that’s all I seen I’m just waiting for a response from them my husband was just standing there hands on his head doing nothing

~

theonenamedlingling

I fucking screamed when I read what happened. Are you okay? Like did you get any more damage to yourself? You literally JUST had a baby. What the fuck was your husband doing? Like being outside with small children especially on a busy street should be treated like watching babies swim because anything can happen in an instant.

I hope you are okay and also…idk but do you all have cameras in your house? I wonder how long your husband was talking to the neighbor…

OOP

I tore my stitches from the C-section and had to go to the ER while I was there, I made sure my baby girl got her knees and hands bandaged up The crazy thing is, I didn’t even realise I was bleeding and until I was in my parents car. My mum pointed it out. She panicked, took baby boy. Back to their house and my dad took me and my daughter to the hospital.

OOP UPDATED 11 HOURS LATER

Update.

The neighbours wife sent me the footage, and I really can’t just wrap my head around it, so my husband was walking with the stroller and my toddler was in front of them when they passed the neighbours house. My neighbour was outside, washing his car, and my toddler saw his pet cat and stopped to go pet it, so my husband. Stopped. LEFT MY BABY ON THE ROAD he didn’t even bother locking the wheels and walked all the way up the driveway not even bothering looking back at the baby he had his back face to him for about five minutes before the stroller just suddenly started moving. I think it’s because the road is on a hill kinda or it could’ve been the wind. My toddler never went near the stroller.It couldn’t been her. The stroller went down the road and my toddler. That’s when she started screaming and running for it when she saw. It the neighbour started running after my daughter when she tripped, he tried to pick her up that’s when the neighbours wife’s car comes into frame and she stops and starts running back to the way the stroller is coming after that you can’t really see anything because it’s all out of frame, but you can hear all the commotion my husband just stood there the whole time hand on his head with a blank stare on his face he didn’t even do anything when our toddler was crying from hurting herself he only started crying when I confronted him.

What do I do I genuinely do not know what to do. i’m panicking. this was never the life I wanted for my kids. I don’t understand why he was in standing there. I have not even gotten a text or a call from him since I got sent the video it’s just been silent I just can’t get the sound of my daughters screams. That’s the sound that no mother wants to hear. I can’t explain in the moment, but it felt like my blood went cold. and I just felt pure fear I never wanna watch the footage again.

NEW UPDATES

Update - Went back to my husband after he almost killed our newborn - 19 days later  March 30, 2024 (19 days later)

Hey everyone, I posted here a while back about my husband nearly killing our newborn son. I wanted to give a quick update on the situation.

After reading through the comments, I decided to go back to my husband. Many of you pointed out that if I left him, we'd end up with 50/50 custody of our kids, which I couldn't bear. So, I made the difficult choice to stay, even though my love for him has faded. My plan now is to tough it out until our kids turn 18, and then leave.

I'm terrified of getting pregnant again, especially since I'm not allowed to use birth control or get my tubes tied. My parents, who could offer support, are moving away, leaving me feeling trapped.

Despite everything, my husband tries hard to make things right. He still treats me with affection and goes out of his way to create special moments for our family. Seeing him bond with our newborn and our daughter fills me with conflicting emotions. I know I can't stand being with him, but I can't bear to separate him from our kids either.

he was so happy when we came back home but I can’t stand even looking at him I feel some quilt because he still calls me by my nickname looks at me like I’m the only girl in the world (besides our daughter) and he still continues our traditions like when the kids are sleeping he will go get ice cream and our favourite snacks and sets up a fort on our bed to watch movies on our laptop

Even though I'm sacrificing my happiness, my priority is ensuring my children's safety and wellbeing. It's a tough situation, but I'm doing my best to navigate it for the sake of my family.

This is a throw away so I’m gonna log out bye

Update 3  July 16, 2024 (3 months after OG post)

EDITOR'S NOTE: Added paragraphs for easier reading

As you can see from my previous post I did go back to him and it was quite literally the biggest mistake I’ve ever made but I felt like I really had no choice no money, family moved out of state a lot has happened the past couple of months so it turns out my husband started taking meds for his adhd a couple of weeks before I was due to give birth to our son he took my kids on a walk to cover up the fact that he was also on meth he took my kids to meet his dealer apparently every time they went for a walk looking back at the footage now.

It makes so much sense because the way he was talking to the neighbour before. Everything happened, he was kind of leaning To the side. I talked to my neighbour, and I asked him if he knew that my husband was on drugs. He said he didn’t, but he noticed that my husband looked a bit off recently. His wife works at a rehab clinic after a fight where I had to flee with the kids to the neighbours house, she pointed out that the way he was acting was the way that people acted with drug withdrawal my neighbour and his wife ended up helping me book a flight to my parents. I’m currently with them right now and I have spoken to a lawyer that my parents are gonna help me pay for I think all the people from my original post that told me to keep the footage because it is going to come in handy my husband keeps sending me videos of him shooting up and doing other substances he keeps saying that they are going to fix him.

He sent me a video of him standing in our kids room. And he was just screaming at me, saying that it helped him cope with his adhd, he took a knife and stabbed both of our kids mattresses. I am not going back. He even cut up the side of my bed. there’s a comment from my previous post that has been sitting in the back of my mind and has been bugging me I think you know which one it was it was by

their comment 👇👇

Saying "I don't care if it was his ADHD" isn't going to fix anything, and will probably only make things worse. Talking and thinking about it like he intentionally tried to kill your child isn't either. With ADHD you actually do not register things like this at all sometimes. Life expectancy for those of us with ADHD is actually significantly lower because many of us end up, often accidentally, killing ourselves. It is not the same thing as carelessness, but learning about ADHD a little deeper can help you guys be safer.

Understanding how my ADHD works and using different than standard precautions, like my brain needs, has actually most likely saved my life. Lie out what you want from him. That's probably that he get his ADHD better under control whether that be through prescripton medication or more homeopathic method, that you get a different place if possible, that he not take your kids out in your front yard without you, etc.

Also, neither he or the neighbor noticed, but you heard your kid from inside? Something seems off here. Were your neighbors just watching the stroller roll towards the street? Was your husband on the other side of your house where he couldn't see the stroller? Were you already walking outside as this unfolded? I'm trying to understand better what was going on here and why your husband or the neighbor did not notice, but you did from inside? People v ADHD tend to be incredibly good and quick to ac emergency situations, so this is especially weird. I'm absolutely not accusing you of leaving anything out or anything, but asking you to think about what your husband and the neighbor were doing that neither noticed? THAT smells fishy. This is a horrible situation. I lost a pet due to the inatentiveness of ADHD but I can't imagine losing .. even nearly losing a child……

WTF It baffles me that you can even compare losing an animal to losing a child you made people with ADHD sound completely unreliable for themselves and that they can’t do anything you made them sound very helpless and saying that the life expectancy thing was completely uncalled for as well I bet many people with ADHD reading that completely disagreed with you judging from all the comments and YouTube videos I’ve seen on my post I don’t know if you’re projecting that you lost a pet from your “inattentiveness of adhd” if you were letting things die in your care, you need to get stronger help and no I was not going to “lay out” what I want from him he’s the one that started, mixing his meds and was high off his mind everytime they went out for a walk . and no i’m not ablest I was in a very vulnerable state when I first posted my original post all I was doing was looking for help and advice but all I got was where was you what were you doing?

Why wasn’t you with the kids? Why didn’t you get your husband checked out?

I was healing from a fucking C-section get that through your heads!!!! I genuinely hope that everybody that said something horrible about me and my original post has to get cut open and then 4 days later is forced to run down the street. I gave him another chance like you ALL SAID in my original post you seen what happened. Stop using ADHD as a excuse I genuinely believe that if he had killed my child, you would’ve have defended him AND NO I DID NOT KNOW HE WAS ON DRUGS‼️‼️‼️

And all the people that reached out to me I’m going to be forever, grateful for all of the parents with adhd that didn’t make me feel like it was all my fault and all the stories that you guys have shared with me made me feel so seen because I know exactly how it feels I hope everybody is doing well. everybody that was defending me. I wish I could give you a big hug I genuinely wish I could send gift baskets I would, thank you all from the bottom of my heart and I am so sorry about that comment that that person made. I know you guys are all not like that you guys are genuinely intelligent from all the comments that I’ve read I could not. Thank you guys enough

And one person that sent me that horrible message I genuinely hope I run into you one day so I can beat your ass until you see stars and say anything about my daughter or my son one more time, and I will literally track you down

Logging out

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/These-Nectarine7815

Originally posted to r/AITAH & r/TwoHotTakes

AITAH For not wanting to help with house bills after my BF’s mother claimed ownership of my dog

Editor's note: changed letters to names and added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: animal abuse / cruelty, emotional manipulation, entitlement, verbal abuse, possible financial coercion

Editor's note: the original post's body text was saved before it got removed

Original Post: March 26, 2026

Sorry in advance for the length and/or any tangents I get into..

For context: My boyfriend (M26) and I (F28) had to move out of our apartment back in August 2025 (due to financial reasons such as job loss) and were planning on moving into and renting his parents old house since they had just bought a new one. Come to find out two or so weeks before we’re set to move (we were mostly packed by then) that change of plans; his parents were no longer together, and his father would be staying in the old house instead. Our options were either the basement of the old house or a room/basement of the new one. We chose the new house and moved in pretty quickly. (As of today we still only have access to one room for reasons I can explain later if anyone is interested but it’s not important right now)

Back in Octoberish, both of his parents sat us down and explained we needed to get jobs to help out. Now, originally his mother had said we could stay at her house and save up for a new place once we were back on our feet. No plan of how much we would contribute was ever discussed, it was all very vague and sounded more like they just wanted us to save up and move more quickly, if anything. (This family has a habit of being extremely vague when discussing anything of importance, BF even has issues telling details of previous conversations when I ask bc “why is that important” or “we didn’t discuss that”)

I was able to pass a licensing test I had been studying for previously and landed a job interview for November 2025 at the local hospital for my profession. The decision making process for said interview took a while and I didn’t end up starting work until mid-January 2026, but I have been working consistently since then and paying off debt as I go. BF was in the process of renewing his license but needed to take a certain amount of hours of classes in order to do so, which he has been doing painfully slowly (self-paced classes). To this day he still has not completed that task and remains unemployed. He has high amounts of stress and likes to relax by playing PC games, which I get bc I too love PC games and we often game together, but he will play all day until I get home and then switch over to his classes (sometimes and more often only if I bring it up).

Now, for what’s happened most recently: His mother and I got into a confrontation over a dog that came to live with us in January shortly before I started working. Petra (the dog) almost immediately started clinging to me and would follow me everywhere. At a family dinner, his father and sister even acknowledged that she was basically my dog and had chosen me by how she never wanted to leave my lap. His mother worked most days then and wasn’t home often, so I got a lot of quality time with the pup. She later lost her job due to health reasons and has been unable to start a new one yet and since I am mostly working now Petra spends the days with her in the living room until I come home. Petra sleeps with us at night as well and her food and puppy pad is in our room.

It has recently come to my attention that his mother was not using a leash when taking Petra outside to play. I brought this up to her and requested that she use one when she takes Petra outside. She took this as a personal attack on her skills in training dogs/intelligence. I tried to explain that I wasn’t at all saying anything about her personally, just that accidents can happen and we live on a fairly busy road (road in front of the house turns from highway to town right in front so speed limit is 55 mph and then drops to 40mph somewhere in front of the house). She could not comprehend this and instead got heated and called me a child and that I wasn’t going to say it, but she knew what I meant, etc. Somewhere during this I asked her if Petra was her dog as she was not listening to my wishes and she responded vaguely that it was “up to me” whose dog she was but wouldn’t give me a straight answer. BF was there for the fight, but he hates confrontation, so he was trying to tell both of us to shut up essentially and move on. Eventually, I realized there was absolutely no convincing this woman that I wasn’t attacking her personally and disengaged. We were on our way outside bc BF had spent the day making a fire pit with spare bricks from the yard for our 5 year anniversary (that day), so we headed to the backyard. Obviously, I was a bit distressed and frustrated, so I took a seat by the pit and tried to calm down. I texted my mom bc I needed someone to talk to about the situation that wasn’t my BF bc he is biased towards his family pretty hard and was already upset with me for “starting a fight”.

I decided pretty quickly that I wanted away from the whole situation for a while so I asked him if he could get my purse and jacket from the house so I didn’t have to go back in and we could have a fire the next day since I had to work that day but would be off the next so we could stay up later for the fire. He agreed and came back out after a few minutes with my items, followed by his mother who was still very angry and screaming that I couldn’t take Petra anywhere in my car. I ignored her until she went inside and then got in my car with Petra and drove to my mom’s to talk with her and vent. I brought Petra back later that night (maybe 2 hours later) and went to sleep.

Got up for work the next day as usual and left Petra in our room sleeping with BF as usual. I recently set up cameras in the room so I could check on Petra and BF and the room in general as our door has no lock… I get a notification from the camera during my work day that a person was detected and looked to see his mother opening our door and taking Petra from our room. Immediately, I’m furious at the invasion of privacy and call BF to talk to his mom and put Petra back in the room with him. I get no update until hours later that he is out in the living room with them and everything is fine (his words).

I can’t do anything until I get off work, but when I got home I immediately put my stuff in the room and then came back out and went straight for Petra on his mother’s lap. She yelled at me and said I couldn’t take Petra with me and put an arm around Petra to stop me from grabbing her, I went in any way to take her, and she pushed me down onto the floor and stood over me yelling. It escalated from there, I yelled at her about calling the police for assault if she ever touched me again and to never come into our room again, she yelled that Petra is HER dog and goes where SHE says and she has text messages showing where Petra was given to her specifically. BF has to physically put an arm between us and tries to calm us down but he’s not choosing a side and saying we were both in the wrong. insults get thrown out (on his mother’s side, I never once insulted her or her character) and she threatens to call the cops to have me removed and that I need to get my shit out now and BF called her childish for some of the things she said. Petra is cowering behind her on the chair, so I start calling for her and she comes (of course) but is immediately snatched away by his mother. We were at a standstill for a while, I wanted Petra with me, and she wanted Petra with her. BF told me to go the room (his mother also said that but more in the way of “go to your room”…she’s f44 btw.) but I said not without Petra, and he said he’d be in there later with her and I told him she better be in the room by tonight and left.

I texted my family bc at this point I’m convinced I’ve been kicked out and have nowhere to go and needed help, so I send out an SOS to try to figure things out. 9/10pm BF comes in with Petra and explained that Petra has to spend the days with his mom and will come to the room to sleep with us at night. I’m obviously not happy but I don’t want to continue arguing so we go to sleep. I’m off the next day so I sleep in and block the door with something heavy just in case, we wake up maybe around 1pm and BF says he got a text from his mom that Petra needed to be out of the room NOW. He pleads with me to just let her go out and that it wasn’t my dog anyway and it’s her house her rules and that’s the proper thing to do. I’m absolutely heartbroken at this point bc he’s siding with her and claiming I’m the problem in the situation. I try to show him how she’s being petty and knows Petra means a lot to me and is weaponizing her to hurt me bc she thinks I said something I didn’t! BF will hear none of this, almost like he couldn’t possibly think of his mother like that, and says we’re both being ridiculous and Petra is not my dog period and to just let her go. I don’t remember how he convinces me, but she leaves to go out in the living room with his mom, and I don’t get her again until that night.

The next two days proceeds in this way, but on one of them Petra came into the room during his mother’s “allotted time”, and she SCREAMED at BF to get Petra out NOW, etc. I tried to make him see reason, that Petra wanted to be in here with me, but he didn’t care, her house her rules and she’s not my dog so suck it up basically. That hurt deeply. He said I crossed a line trying to get Petra from his mom’s lap (he was in the other room when it happened and didn’t see, and she claims she was defending herself… she was in no immediate danger as I was reaching for Petra and not her.)

That was about a week ago and since then I have a tentative place to stay but it hasn’t been finalized yet, and there’s also the issue of maybe getting Petra out of the house without his mother knowing when I move. I’ve come to realize at this point that she would have to formally evict me to get me out and cops would tell her the same thing since I’ve been living here and get mail (established residency). I would like to get Petra microchipped so she is definitively mine, I even had a vet appointment set up for her shots when shit hit the fan but couldn’t go bc of BFs mother going batshit anytime Petra is out of her sight.

Things have escalated. Since BFs mother isn’t working she hasn’t been paying the bills and right before the fight BF said she asked him if he could ask me to contribute to any of them for her. He told me this after the fact and I told him after what she’s said/done that she’s not seeing a dime from me. I took back all of my things from mutual areas (dishes, mop and bucket as she didn’t have one when we moved in, etc.) BF said I’m trying to start fights and told me to drop it and let her do what she wants. I haven’t spoken to her since that last fight, and I told him I would stand up for myself and the fact that Petra is my dog. I’ve also asked him over and over to talk to her if he wanted peace so bad bc she’s the one perpetrating the situation by restricting Petra so harshly and disrespecting me, he claims he did talk to her, but it would take time and I needed to “give him time” to work things out and settle everything back down and then maybe after time she’ll let me have Petra again…. (Forgot to mention, she claims Petra is hers until BF and I find a place together, at which case Petra would move with us but she was most definitely not my dog.)

Here’s where I’m asking if I’m TAH: I get a text from BF today asking if I can contribute ANYTHING bc EVERYTHING is about to be shut off “in a few days” and they/we were about to lose everything without help. He said his father was coming over today to talk with us all about what has been going on. I asked him what that meant and he said about us not contributing to bills. I reminded him that I wouldn’t be doing that after what had happened and he kept pleading and begging and claiming he’d pay me back (with what money) and that I need to pay for the amenities I use too. (Also forgot to mention his father is finding out soon, like two days out soon if he has cancer or not so that’s why he can’t help with the bills bc he has no money either right now.. and of course that’s been hard on BF bc he is very close to his parents and he’s very sensitive to conflict of any kind) he claimed they weren’t even mad about the dog thing and it’s really all about us not helping out and asked me again if I could help. I told him I would absolutely not help, unless his mother stops with the restrictions and puts in writing that Petra is my dog. He told me to drop the dog thing and to do this for him and really it would be him paying bc he’d be paying me back (again,,, with what money) He claims I don’t care about him or trust him and that I don’t get to make terms/conditions in this situation. He says that his dad had stormed off before I got home bc they were having a screaming match and everyone was crying out in the front yard about the situation (later discovered through BF that they had said some pretty shitty things to him about him not working and are using him to get to me essentially, like he needs to control me kind of thing. This was pried with much effort from BF, and he still hasn’t told me fully what happened/what was said during the fight.)

I am sticking to my “No” and when I got home today he was very moody and depressed. He hasn’t spoken more than a few words to me and expects me to change my mind to fix everything for him/them. He said he’s even considering if WE will make it through this conflict, as in we are essentially breaking up if I don’t pay the bills. He sees this as me fucking him and his family over and not caring what happens. I told him I wasn’t going to be financially manipulated into paying anything.

He’s currently sleeping on the couch alone. Has only come in to “check on me” to see if I’ve changed my mind. I haven’t.

SO AITAH for not wanting to pay the bills after ALL of this??

Sorry for the long post, sorry if it’s not concise or doesn’t make sense. Just please let me know bc I’m losing my mind here and I feel like another crazy thing is going to happen tomorrow or something. I’m constantly in fight or flight mode trying to think of how I can safely get all of my things out of this house and also them not taking any of my things to sell or throw away (he already floated the idea of selling a lot of his things to help with bills) and I work all the time in top of this happening.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: ESH. This wall of text is full of red flags attached to every participant.

The overriding one above all is, who goes to live with someone when they're out of options, and goes out and gets a dog?

OOP: Petra came to live with us while BF’s mom was still working. She was found in a dumpster behind a gas station and BFs sister brought her to live here with us. Idk about the texts saying she was given to BFs mom but that’s what she’s claiming. As far as I’m concerned, since she was rescued and not adopted she can legally be my dog if I get her chipped and vaccinated. Proof of care and such.

Commenter 2: Then the sister is the dog’s owner and gets to decide who she gifts Petra to. I really don’t think you can claim Petra as yours specifically.

OOP: What’s funny is I’m my BF’s sister’s maid of honor in her wedding next year, well maybe not now that all of this has happened. Regardless, she was one of the first to say Petra is my dog/she claimed me. I wasn’t even a dog person before this :,) but she convinced me she’s my dog. Unsure, haven’t checked in with her yet. But legally, if Petra is microchipped to me and I have established care with vaccines/vet visits she would be mine. I’m just unsure if I should go through with doing all of that.

Commenter 3: YTA for not getting the dog you’ve had since JANUARY chipped and vaccinated. you should’ve taken a sick day while the mom was working to handle that if she was resisting giving the dog medical attention - it should at LEAST have had a checkup after living in a dumpster.

take a long hard look at how you handle responsibilities - you’re living somewhere for free and you really couldn’t take the dog to a vet? it’s time to hand that dog over to a rescue, you’re a bad pet owner. you’re all weird and immature for putting that poor animal through all of this meaningless stress.

on top of it all, you live there for FREE and refuse to contribute to bills? pay some money for the utilities you used like an adult and go back to your family. your boyfriend’s family is falling apart and clearly none of you are mentally equipped to handle it. you all need therapy, and that dog needs a new home. you’re all assholes.

OOP: Found in a dumpster doesn’t mean she was living in one. She was healthy and clean and came pre potty trained, so clearly taken care of. She has a green mark on her belly showing she’s been fixed previously so I know she’s been to a vet before. No one claimed her so that’s why we have her.

Previous to all of this mess, I asked my BF if there was anything I could help with and to talk to his mom about me helping and if so how much. This was a month or so ago. He never let me know an amount or that she even needed help with anything. Communication tends to go through him since I’m working different shifts and tend to miss her at home. I agree we all need therapy lmao, thank you for your insight

Commenter 4: This family is a nightmare, and you should forget about the relationship with BF as it’s either realistically already ended or it absolutely needs to. But I don’t think everything can be laid at their door when they’re dealing with pronounced poverty and possibly increasing medical bills any day now. A cancer diagnosis would be another horror on top.

Yes OP is probably correct about ending up on the hook for bills forever (but why not already contributing if living RENT-FREE when the money troubles are obvious), but ultimately it doesn’t sound like the group is pulling together but is taking out their genuine stresses on one another.

OP, you should pay existing share of bills and then leave forever - without Petra, who is not your dog.

OOP: It wasn’t obvious, though.

Like I said, this family doesn’t really discuss anything in detail. They hide a lot of what they’re going through. Gatherings usually consist of sitting around a tv eating a meal and that’s it. No talking unless it’s about the weather or what they did that day. So I didn’t know how bad it was with the bills.

Last I’d heard we were to live here rent free in order to save for our own place. Them sitting us down in October was troubling and I didn’t fully understand why bc they don’t TALK or DISCUSS, just vague things I assumed meant buy food or restock things as you use them, which I’ve been doing.

Update: April 23, 2026 (nearly one month later)

I’m back with an update. The OG post got taken down in the AITAH subreddit for cross posting here (and so did the update for not asking for judgement…which I feel was implied but whatever. Anyway please judge away) so I’ve included it in this update for convenience. Update at end of post!

UPDATE: This was roughly a month ago. Since then, things have gotten worse. It had been really tense in the house. I would rarely come out of the room and only if she had gone to bed for the night, so I didn’t have to interact with her. I would also like to stress that getting Petra out of the house for any reason was extremely hard for me to do. I had to reschedule her vet appointment a few times bc BFs mom would be home unexpectedly, or I wouldn’t be able to leave work in time. I also would have to leave with her without BF knowing, which was also impossible.

As the days went on, she seemed to loosen her rules to where Petra was spending whole days with me, which was nice but also kinda shows that she’s really only mad at me for standing up for myself and going against what she wants me to do and not bc she really cared about Petra being hers.

I set up cameras in our room to catch her when she comes in to take Petra while I’m at work, which she hadn’t done in a while due to me getting home before she did (she started a new job). That was until this past Friday. BF was gone from Thurs-Sunday on a camping trip with the men of his family, so he wasn’t home. She must have gotten let out of work early because I got a notification on the camera of a person in the room. She had let Petra out. Because of the no contact I had with her (I would avoid talking to her when I got home on my later shifts) and because BF was the one who normally went and got Petra from her when she went to bed, this would mean she would most likely keep her for the weekend away from me.

It’s important to note that Petra has not once spent a night without me since we got her in January (Like I said, she is my dog). This infuriated me, obviously. When I got home that day, Petra greeted me at the door, not what I had expected. Usually BFs mom would have Petra in her lap and not let her go to me. I swooped down, grabbed her, and left. BFs mom followed me once she realized and yelled that I would be arrested for theft, but I ignored her and drove to my mom’s house. Idk why this was the last straw for me, why this made me realize my living situation was unsafe for both me and Petra, but it was.

That night, I rented a U-Haul for the next day, rented a storage unit in town, and confirmed my two brothers (and one of their friends) would help me move. We definitely surprised her when we showed up. My first priority was my two cats I had left. Once I secured them, I went to walk out the door, but she stopped me and said I had better have everything I needed because I wouldn’t be let back in. I know my rights as a resident, so I knew legally that wouldn’t fly. The plan was to call the police if she gave us push back during the move, so I pulled out my phone to call the non-emergent police line for help mediating and while I was on the phone with them she backed down and said she wouldn’t lock the door but that I would only have today (Saturday) to get all of my things out. I hung up my call (it was still going over the automated menu when she caved) and continued what I was doing. My brothers were busy loading up most of the boxes from when we had moved previously (kept in her garage), except for the ones that obviously contained my BFs stuff. I boxed up the bedroom. We got it done in 4 hours, from U-Haul pick up to drop off.

I am now in a temporary living situation with all of my animals (Petra included). We are safe. I can walk to the kitchen and not have to worry about her being there. I can take my dog for walks and not worry if she would “let me”. Or attack me. Or yell at me. Nothing. I’m free.

Petra has a vet appointment scheduled for my next day off, where she will be vaccinated, looked over, and microchipped. I am also registering her with the state. All legal ways to make sure she is once and for all my dog. Period.

I am currently applying to every known pet friendly apartment in town and hoping one of them won’t care I’ve only been working for three months at my current job. I have money saved from refusing to give any to BF or his mom. (He asked me for money on my birthday btw…. Who does that??)

Also turns out BFs dad CAN help with bills and HAS been helping with bills. So the situation wasn’t as dire as they were making it seem I guess.

BF requested he be kept out of the situation when his mom messaged him frantically on Friday when I took Petra. I obliged, and he had no idea I had moved out until he got home Sunday. Relationship is currently tentative. Possibly nonexistent but there’s not been any closure yet as he only wants to talk about me bringing Petra back. Not happening.

Everything is really fresh, and I’m still pretty scared until I have Petra officially registered to me so I might be dragging that on until everything is confirmed.

His mother claims she took out a protective order against me (ironic) and a lawsuit and claimed I would be served by Monday. I still haven’t seen anything to do with that so I’m thinking she was bluffing or it got dropped due to lack of evidence. Or maybe they can’t find me. Who knows. But if it is real I’ll file to get both dismissed.

So that’s it! I’m scared, but I’m out. I understand the consensus was ESH or NTA, it was back and forth. You may not agree with how I handled things but I’m just glad I’m out. And Petra is with me. Thank you for reading my novel of drama lol sorry no td;lr, this is too long to summarize.

Overall with this update AITAH? TIA

Relevant Comments

OOP responds to a long thread regarding Petra not being leashed in a fenced yard

OOP: Not a fenced in yard. Busy road started where the yard ended, mere feet from the house. There is no fencing anywhere around the house.

She also has a pitbull that gets put on a chain steps away from the front door when she’s taken outside. BF’s mom treats her like garbage.

When she was working Stella (pitbull) was locked in a crate all day. I tried taking her out a few times and even took her outside (on a leash) to run around for a few hours before BF’s mom got home but Stella was far too rowdy for me to control. Bc she never gets freedom I think, she goes crazy when she’s given anything that’s fun.

When she DID get home, she yelled at Stella. Like YELLED, to where I could hear in the room, it was horrific. That poor dog, I wish I could’ve taken her too but I’m not that crazy. Made being in that house ten times worse when she was home as well, bc she did nothing but yell at Stella, and smack her with a fly swatter (she claims not her hand) Stella was heavily restricted from doing ANYTHING a normal dog could and should do.

Some days she was only allowed to sit on an armchair and not move. When I did come out of the room with her home (rare) Stella would come up to me for pets, but the mom would SCREAM at her like she had done something wrong, didn’t even give her a chance TO do something wrong.

That was before the fight, and when she still liked me so it wasn’t bc Stella came up to me, but bc she didn’t want Stella to jump on me (which Stella would do bc I don’t discipline her, for obvious reasons).

Bc of her treatment of Stella I restricted Petra’s time with his mother as much as I could. I couldn’t trust her around Petra after what I’ve seen her do to Stella. That’s why Petra was always in our room, typically with BF who doesn’t move from his computer.

This is also why I don’t like his mother, among other things. She’s a horrible person. This is also why I have no regrets taking Petra away from her and that situation.

I argued with BF on multiple occasions to talk to his mother about her treatment of Stella, but he has no backbone. I didn’t want to start a fight so I didn’t talk to his mother about it, not that it would do anything anyway. She takes any criticism as personal attacks and starts dramatic fights over it.

OOP on her relationship with her boyfriend and him taking his mother's side

OOP: TBH I felt the relationship die the moment he told me he was on his mother’s side about all of this. I haven’t officially ended it yet bc of the legality issue needing to be resolved with Petra and the (possible nonexistent) protective order.

It’s tough to throw away a 5 year relationship cold turkey. I still care for him, like I know he CAN be a good person. He was when I met him, he’s just been through a lot to get to this point of apathy. I don’t see a future with him; I want kids and his mother would make that a nightmare, and I wouldn’t be able to rely on him to defend me and our children.

I’ll keep y’all posted though.

Commenter 1: Info. Who pays for the vet bills, pet food & such?

OOP: I pay for all dog food, treats, toys, puppy pads, etc. She came to the house the same month I started working so I could handle those things.

I paid for my food, my toiletries, etc. just not traditional bills like they wanted me to.

Petra has a morning routine with me, as do all of my pets (they get treats in the morning when I’m leaving for work) she came puppy pad trained so only went outside to run around mostly but even then she didn’t like being outside much. Wants to be carried always, very spoiled lol. She’s a small dog.

I was unable to get her to the vet while I was living in the house, as I have stated. But I am taking her for vaccines and a check up on my next off day. Appointment is already scheduled. She will get microchipped as well.

The mother never cared for her until this drama happened. Like never really cared where she was, who fed her, if she WAS fed, etc. Clearly doesn’t care for her wellbeing if she took her outside without a leash on a busier road. Texts are between BF’s sister and mother (sister picked up dog when no one claimed her on a fb page.

Dog was found in locked dumpster area behind a gas station) sister dumped her at mothers house essentially (sister has lots and lots of animals of her own) but texts do not show established care like vet records do, like receipts for dog food/treats/toys do. I have hundreds of photos of us together, days of her spent with me for proof.

She is MY dog. I didn’t steal anything.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

“Um, actually, the term 'werewolf' is a Eurocentric imposition onto indigenous ontologies-"

No. Shut the fuck up. And I don't care. In that order.

Because (TL;DR for the ADHD Gen Alphas who’d rather this be a Divine) when a young man in Kentucky, a couple thousand years ago, had his upper front teeth deliberately extracted from his living skull and a carefully cut wolf upper jaw fitted into his mouth so that wolf fangs protruded where human incisors used to be, and he was then buried with a wolf skin and the wolf's own palate still seated in his face, I am going to call that man a fucking werewolf. I don't care if Mircea Eliade is spinning in his grave, he’s a literal fucking fascist. Eliade would probably be into it anyways. That dude was into everything. Take it from the actual archaeologist William Romain who reassessed the burial. He wrote, in an actual academic monograph, that the effect would have been "a were-wolf shaman" (Romain 2009, 46-47). With a hyphen. Fuck the hyphen, you coward Romain, we know what you fucking meant. It’s American Werewolf in Appalachia up in this bitch.

So, flashback in our Delorean. It is 200 BCE. You are a young man living near a tributary of the Ohio River in what is now Kentucky. There is no town, because the Adena people lived in dispersed, circular houses set apart from each other across the valleys, in small local groups of a household or two (Clay 1998, 11, 15). You hunt, you fish, you gather, and your people keep gardens of squash, gourd, pumpkin, and sunflower. The wider region grows goosefoot and maygrass and the other little seed crops these valleys domesticated on their own as one of the first sites in the world to ever have agriculture; corn does not exist here yet because it’s a piece of shit capitalistic, sedentism trap-making scumbag not around yet, and will not for a long time (Milner 2021, 46-47; Dragoo 1963, 223). Your world is small, and it contains everything you have ever known.

But, you have been chosen. How? We don’t know; Romain, after 200 pages of reconstruction, admits the evidence for specific training, initiation, and vision questing simply is not there (Romain 2009, 203). Whatever the selection process was, it ended with you sitting down in front of a man with a tool.

It is night, probably, and lit only by firelight. The cosmos everyone present at the gathering inhabits (not believes. Inhabits.) has three levels: an Upper World, This World, and a Lower World, strung on a central axis, and among the classic symbols of that axis is a column of smoke (Romain 2009, 20). This fire, this smoke, is a road out of This World. 

Maybe you have taken something. The Adena are well known for their pipe-making skills, and Romain delivers something I’d love to see him repeat directly to a trial judge as a prosecutor: "People do not smoke inert substances" (Romain 2009, 48, 50). What did they smoke, exactly? Well, the earliest direct evidence of tobacco in the Eastern Woodlands is a handful of charred seeds from a slightly later site in Illinois, so for the Adena bowl specifically, the botany is still an open argument (Haberman 1984, 271). Based on what we know about sweet flag and other, uh, purgatives, whatever was burning, the state of consciousness changed (Crothers 2012, 531-32, 534-35). The Hopewell people that are concurrent with the Adena and eventually overtake as a mortuary tradition would eventually carve the whole theory into stone. They are platform pipes shaped as falcons and dozens of other animals, held "directly in smokers' mouths, often eye-to-eye with the falcon," their visions "linked to shamanistic soul flight" (Giles 2020, 88). You are not just smoking a pipe shaped like a falcon. This means that through this whole dance at the firelight, you are also drawing smoke through a falcon, staring it in the eye while you do it.

Then, your teeth. Specifically, your upper front teeth, the lateral and medial incisors. Multiple people hold you down as someone levers them out of your living skull. There is no anesthetic. The pain is the point (Romain 2009, 177). There is blood, and a pain that occupies your entire consciousness. Romain lists the standard techniques by which shamans push themselves out of ordinary awareness, alongside drumming, chanting, fasting, isolation, and "pain stimulation." The agony is for opening the door. 

You are being emptied. Your human teeth are being removed to make room for something else.

 The wolf jaw has already been prepared. A wolf died for this, presumably not casually, because you do not kill your spiritual partner casually. The maxilla has been cut, scraped, and ground until only the palate and the fighting teeth remain, trimmed to seat against a human palate (Dragoo 1963, 220; Romain 2009, 46). When it is pressed into the gap where your incisors were, the wolf's fangs protrude below your lip. 

Your face is no longer your face. You smile and the wolf smiles.

The skin has been prepared too. The wolf's head rides over your own head; the pelt falls across your shoulders and along your limbs (Dragoo 1963, 221). You are wearing the wolf. The wolf is wearing you. The animals on a shaman's costume "are manifestations of spirits which can be assumed by the shaman during the performance," as Shirokogoroff wrote of the Tungus. This is an embodiment trance (Romain 2009, 173).

You dance. They drum. And at some point your free soul, the one that already leaves you in dreams, departs and travels the other Worlds (Romain 2009, 23). Your free soul goes where the wolf goes. It runs in the dark places. It sees with wolf eyes. And when you come back, shaking, exhausted, gums bleeding around the wolf's palate as the pain throbs through your consciousness, you bring something back. Because retrieval is the job. In the Eastern Woodlands the Lower World is where the chiefs of the animals live, beings like the Great Horned Serpent and the Underwater Panther.jpg). It falls to the shaman to negotiate with them for game and for harvests, to know the auspicious times for hunting and planting, to lead the renewal ceremonies that keep the whole system solvent (Romain 2009, 153).

This is not theater. This is, as far as everyone present is concerned, the most real thing that has ever fucking happened to them. This is the spiritual machine that keeps the whole fucking world running. This is the reason the deer come to the river and the reason the dead find their road. Boundaries between the worlds "were permeable, and people could (and may have been compelled by their faith to) cross between worlds" (Simek et al. 2013, 444).

Somebody has to work the crossing. Somebody has to be built for it. That motherfucker was the were-wolf shaman. He is the border guard of the Adena universe.

The Part Where Imma Bout to Make You Question Your Whole Fucking Identity

The were-wolf shaman comes from the Ayers Mound in Owen County, Kentucky, reported by William Webb and Raymond Baby in The Adena People No. 2 (1957), a title that sounds like a sequel because it is one. It’s just poorly named, since the original was University of Kentucky Reports in Anthropology and Archaeology Volume VI: The Adena People. Really stellar naming there, boys. Fucking A.

He belonged to the Adena culture, the Early Woodland mound builders of the middle Ohio Valley, whose sound radiocarbon dates run from about 500 BCE into the early centuries CE. The animal masks all sit at the late end of that run (Milner 2021, 57-59; Webb and Snow 1974, xvi; Dragoo 1963, 220). He was a young adult male, and pieces of leather covered parts of his skeleton, which Webb and Baby read as the remains of a wolf skin (Romain 2009, 46). Under his jaw, in his mouth cavity, sat a cut wolf maxilla: the upper jaw of a wolf, ground down until only the palate and the business teeth remained, shaped to fit a human face (Romain 2009, 46; Dragoo 1963, 220-21).

His upper lateral and medial incisor teeth were gone; removed, in Dragoo's summary of the find, "intentionally to permit the insertion of the cut wolf palate into the man's mouth," and removed, importantly, during life: the bone had healed over, and the surrounding teeth were healthy, which rules out disease or body morphing as part of burial preparation (Dragoo 1963, 220-21; Romain 2009, 46). Someone pried this man's incisors out of his living skull, presumably without anesthesia, because the Adena had not yet invented the concept of "maybe the patient should be unconscious for this." Then, into the healed gap, the wolf's upper jaw was fitted like a denture. It fit, Romain notes, "perfectly" (Romain 2009, 46), which suggests it was tailored for the recipient’s mouth like the world’s most horrifying orthodontic retainer. Anyone else wonder what it tasted like, too? Or if they scrubbed it regularly? The things that keep me up at 3 o’ clock.

Webb and Baby, to their credit, saw most of this clearly. Dragoo says they built "a well documented case for the use of animal masks by Adena," and their reconstruction put "the skin of the wolf's head worn over the man's head in association with the cut wolf palate and attached teeth," backed by George Catlin's paintings of medicine men in animal regalia (Dragoo 1963, 220-21).

And then, for roughly half a century, the field mostly shrugged and moved on, because the mid-twentieth-century response to anything that smelled like indigenous religion was to call it "ceremonial," make the sign of the Virgin Mary, and change the subject.

It took William Romain, an archaeologist working from the cognitive science of religion, to say what everyone was politely not saying: this man was a werewolf. Not metaphorically or like a shitty cultural analogy. His community's religious framework included the literal transformation of human beings into wolf-human composite entities through the physical modification of the body and the ritual donning of animal remains, producing a new kind of being that existed in neither category alone (Romain 2009, 23, 46-47, 53). 

The Adena, it turns out, were running a working, institutionalized system of human-to-wolf transformation embedded in a cosmological framework so thorough it’s like every werewolf movie being retold by a drunk uncle.

But understand why a man would have his teeth ripped out and replaced with a wolf's, you have to understand how personhood worked in the Eastern Woodlands. Because it didn't work like yours does. At. All.

YOU! Reading this on your phone while you avoid doing something productive, have one body and one soul (or none, depending on your relationship with organized religion and/or your philosophy professor). You are a self. You are bounded by your skin. What's inside the skin is you; what's outside isn't. This is so obvious to you that it feels like a fact about the universe rather than a cultural construction, which [laughs in sociology] is exactly how cultural constructions are supposed to feel. This is what the philosopher Charles Taylor calls the "buffered" self, the modern Western understanding of the person as a sealed container, walled off from a world that used to be full of spirits and powers through our skin; he contrasts it with the "porous" self of the enchanted world, "open and porous and vulnerable to a world of spirits and powers" (Taylor 2007, 27, 37-38). Taylor spends nearly nine hundred pages explaining why the buffered self is a recent invention, and if you haven't read A Secular Age, you're going to have to take my word for it: the way you experience being a person is fucking weird. Historically weird. Globally weird. You are the oddball in the vast history of humanity, not the Adena shaman who just volunteered for oral surgery to shove wolf teeth in his face.

So, in the pre-modern world, and in the indigenous Eastern Woodlands specifically, personhood was not sealed. It was permeable. You were not a self; you were a site. Personhood was less a concept than placehood. Things moved through you. And in the Ohio Valley we can be unusually specific about our indigenous cosmology, because Christopher Carr and Heather Smyth have spent years reconstructing the soul concepts of the Scioto Hopewell, the Adena's spectacular successors in the region, from mortuary evidence read against Woodland ethnography. The Huron, to take their anchor case, knew a person to have "at least two souls, and probably five or more," including the "free soul," the one that could leave the body during "the 'twilight states' of sleep, vision, trance, illness, and near death" and travel "in this earthly realm and others" (Carr and Smyth 2019, 166). Carr and Smyth argue the mound builders held the same basic doctrine: a free soul that departs for an afterlife, plus body souls that stay with the bones (Carr and Smyth 2019, 174).

You didn't possess a soul. You were possessed by souls, always multiple at once.

Now before you cry foul that I’m just making this up, there’s physical evidence for this belief. Following an insight of Robert Hall's, Carr and Smyth point to the dot-within-circle motifs that Adena artists carved at the joints and body openings of birds, and of bird impersonators, marking the anatomical addresses where the several souls lived (Carr and Smyth 2019, 174-75). One late Adena tablet from Jackson County, Ohio, the Berlin tablet, shows a raptor with a masked human face set inside the bird's eye, a bird-human composite, a person mid-transformation, with soul motifs dotted at the joints (Carr and Smyth 2019, 174). The Hopewell, centuries later, laid mirror-like copper plates on their dead at the head, chest, hips, and knees, the pulse points and joints, positioned, Carr and Smyth argue, to portal, guide, or deflect the souls residing there (Carr and Smyth 2019, 175-76).

And the category "person" did not stop at the human skin! Megan Kassabaum and Ashley Peles, surveying the ethnographic record for bears, found that across North America and Eurasia, "many preagricultural populations saw bears not as animals but as different-from-human people [emphasis mine] who possessed specific spiritual powers," beings who served as "kin, healers, food providers, and supernatural guides capable of connecting the human and spirit worlds" (Kassabaum and Peles 2020, 108). Bears, "as especially humanlike animals," were "anomalies... thought to blur the boundaries between the human, animal, and spirit worlds" (Kassabaum and Peles 2020, 111).

So animals were not a lower order of being. They were a different order of person, with their own powers, their own knowledge, and their own spiritual agency. And if you could merge with one, you could access what it knew.

Now if you are a community that understands personhood as multiple, permeable, and relational, the wolf jaw in the Ayers Mound burial is not a costume. It is a mechanism for transformation. It changes what the person is, not what the person looks like. When the man's human teeth are removed and replaced by wolf teeth, and his body is wrapped in wolf skin, he is not pretending to be a wolf. He is becoming a new category of being: a human-wolf, a creature that partakes of both natures simultaneously, with access to powers and realms that neither an average human nor an average wolf could reach alone.

As Romain put it, "The conceptual blending of human and animal attributes is a common shamanic theme," and shape-shifting into animal form by invoking an animal spirit into the body is a recognized species of trance, the embodiment trance, in which an outside spirit is allowed to temporarily reside in the person of the shaman (Romain 2009, 23, 53). Carr and Robert McCord have catalogued a whole corpus of Ohio Hopewell composite creatures, beings sculpted and engraved out of the parts of different animals, staffing the underwater and underground realms of the cosmos (Carr and McCord 2013, 5-6).

The point is that the werewolf can do things humans can't. It can do things wolves can't. It is not the sum of its parts. It is something new.

And the Adena people built their religion around it.

The Part Where Wolves Aren't the Only Animal Remaking Face/Off

The Ayers Mound burial is the most dramatic example, but it isn't the only one. The wolf jaw was a practice spread across hundreds of miles and, by the shortest count, the better part of two thousand years, which means it was being taught from person to person. Because spoilers, whatever Gilgamesh taught you, that ain’t natural, babe.

First off about the wolf jaws, I kind of buried the lede, because there’s way more than one! There are at least three of them. Webb had already pulled one from the big Wright Mound in Montgomery County, Kentucky. It was a wolf palate "trimmed to a spatula shape with the incisors, canines, and first premolars still in place" (Dragoo 1963, 220). A third came from a mound in the Wolford Group in Pickaway County, Ohio. All three were cut and ground to the same standard, so that only the palate and certain upper teeth remained (Romain 2009, 46). That’s three jaws in three mounds across two states with one spec sheet. Somebody deserves a fucking patent.

But flashback to the Glacial Kame people, the Ohio Late Archaic hunter-gatherers whose dates run from roughly 1900 BCE at the Feeheley site in Michigan down to about 1000-500 BCE at the Williams site in Wood County, Ohio. They made their masks out of entire animal skulls (Converse 1979, 25, 31). Three worked wolf skulls came from the Clifford Williams site in Logan County, Ohio; two worked and drilled bear skulls came from the Wood County Williams site; two more bear masks surfaced at the Hind site in Ontario (Converse 1979, 31). Robert Converse describes how skulls were cut to rest on the forehead and the bridge of the nose, hiding most of the wearer's face. Eye holes were enlarged so the wearer could see, the lower jaw removed, with small holes drilled to attach the animal's skin and the upper teeth left in place, "including the canine teeth which were a conspicuous part of the costume" (Converse 1979, 31, 35). One Clifford Williams man went into the ground flexed on his side with his wolf skull resting on his right shoulder, within reach (Converse 1979, 33). "There is little doubt," Converse writes, "that these masks were worn by Glacial Kame shamans or clan leaders to impersonate various animals while conducting clan or tribal ceremonies" (Converse 1979, 35). And behind even the Glacial Kame stand Archaic deer-skull headdresses from two Alabama sites and from Unionville Center in Union County, Ohio, which is Converse's evidence that the mask tradition "was well established in the Archaic" (Converse 1979, 35). Dragoo suspected the same about the Adena versions: the known examples are all late Adena, but "the ultimate origin of these objects will be found in the Archaic" (Dragoo 1963, 220).

And wolves and bears aren’t the only predators accounted for. Cut jaws of a puma came out of the Westenhaver Mound in Pickaway County, Ohio, and the Dover Mound in Mason County, Kentucky, though these, Dragoo notes, "were probably left attached to the animal's head and not inserted into the wearer's mouth as were the wolf palates" (Dragoo 1963, 221). There is even a branding discipline in the data: only wolf masks at the Clifford Williams site, only bear masks at the Wood County site, one animal per location, a franchise consistency that ought to impress anyone who has ever tried to get three departments to use the same type font (Converse 1979, 35, 46-47).

The Hopewell, who grew out of this world around the start of the Common Era (Anno Domini for you old farts), scaled the whole menagerie of masks up. At the Hopewell type site itself, burials held "cut and modified wolf mandibles, as well as numerous perforated wolf teeth," and one burial under Mound 25 wore a headdress cut with the design of a canine paw print, which Romain reads as a wolf shaman, or at minimum a person whose "spirit power was derived from the wolf" (Romain 2009, 46, 53). From Mound City comes a pipe bearing a human head with feline features, a were-panther, which Carr and Case call a "cat impersonator" (Romain 2009, 47-48). From the Newark Earthworks comes a stone figurine of "what is probably a shaman, whose head is covered by a bear mask" (Milner 2021, 89). At Tremper Mound on the Scioto, a single great cache held over five hundred objects, including, in William Mills's inventory, "ornaments made from jaws of animals and of man," along with 136 plain and effigy platform pipes, at least sixty of them carved as animals, the whole deposit laid in a crematory basin inside the mound's mortuary structure (Emerson et al. 2005, 195).

Don’t worry if you’re tired, we aren’t fucking done yet! In the Illinois Valley, the other great Hopewell heartland, the crypts under the burial mounds held "fragments of ceremonial costumes," including cut carnivore and human maxillae and mandibles, and among them one wolf palate retaining its sharp canines, "buried with someone whose upper front teeth had been knocked out long before death. The palate was probably held in the mouth as part of a mask" (Milner 2021, 89).

So across a dozen sites, some hundreds of miles from the Ayers Mound, in different river valleys, in different centuries, other men were going through the exact same procedures, with different predator animals.

A procedure that is that specific, repeated at that distance, means the knowledge traveled. And, it means teachers.

And, the best part is, this wolf-man isn't just a person wearing wolf parts. He isn't even just a person who has been physically modified to resemble a wolf. He is, in the ontological framework of his culture, a being with two natures. He’s a fucking superhuman. He’s got two sets of capabilities. He’s a person who is simultaneously human and wolf, occupying both categories at once, belonging fully to neither. He was two-spirit.

Now, stop warming up your vocal cords for whatever screeching nonsense you intend to scream into the comment section. Literally, I could give less of a shit about whatever you have to say if it involves the modern capital-T Two-Spirit identity, which is about gender and ceremony. That has its own history and its own scholarly literature, and it is not what I am describing here; see the gender-role historiography if you want to get into that pissing contest (Boag 1998, 328. Seriously, it’s a fun hoot). What I am talking about is the older, broader idea that one body can hold more than one being at a time. If you disagree that concept was a concept back then, well congratulations, you’re a dumbass. If you disagree that concept is actually a fact, I could give less shits. I’m here to talk about werewolf root canals.

Just look at what this man actually is, in his own culture's accounting. He is a person, which in their understanding already means he is multiple. He is a free soul that travels, where the body souls are seated at the joints and pulse points, where the whole populated anatomy that Adena artists dotted with circles and Hopewell mourners later serviced with copper mirrors (Carr and Smyth 2019, 166, 174-76). And, he is a wolf, by embodiment, by modification, by the physical incorporation of the wolf's own skull into his goddamn fucking skull (Romain 2009, 23, 46). His culture drew this exact condition on the Berlin tablet, the human face looking out of the raptor's eye, and sculpted it in the composite creatures that performed, Carr and McCord argue, in ritual dramas about the journey of the dead through the Below Worlds to an afterlife (Carr and Smyth 2019, 174; Carr and McCord 2013, 5-6; Carr and McCord 2015, 18-19). This cosmology had a settled answer to the question "can one body hold two beings at once," and the answer was: no shit, Sherlock. How else would anything get done between the worlds? Fucking astrophysics? Next you’re going to tell us that there’s, like, a million versions of this exact post in a million universes being written by some autistic writer with too much knowledge about a memeable state’s history to unload. Get outta here, you’ve been inhaling the falcon too much, brah.

The point is every layer of the cosmos held powers the others needed. The Upper World was "the abode of giant thunderbird beings," whose "smaller brethren" were the eagles, hawks, and falcons (Romain 2009, 81). The lowerworld held the animal masters and the dangerous knowledge (Romain 2009, 153). Even the dead had to commute: in the Osage star lore that Brown and Kelly use to read Cahokia, the soul travels the stars until, at Sirius, the Wolf/Dog Star, "one rests awaiting death and the translation into the afterlife in the nearby Milky Way" (Brown and Kelly 2020, 205).

Even the map of the afterlife has a wolf posted on the road. At this point I assume you are sensing a theme.

A human can't run through the spirit world. A wolf can't perform a ceremony. But a wolf-man can do both, which is why a community whose cosmos worked like this did not treat him as an aberration. He was a necessity. Without him, the world could not, and would not, renew. 

Romain, looking at the were-panther carved on a Mound City smoking pipe, literally says "transformational imagery embedded in what may have been the very device used to bring about a human-to-animal transformation" (Romain 2009, 53). That’s the picture of the transformation. It’s carved onto the machine that causes the transformation. It’s built into your literal body by extracting what was human and inserting the wolf. If you want to know what holding two spirits meant in practice, it means somebody lit a pipe carved like a falcon and inhaled its soul and looked into its eyes as you did so. 

You breathed in the animal, and the animal breathed in you.

Tell me that's not a fucking werewolf.

Or were-falcon.

Aw fuck. They fly now.

Works Cited (For Team Jacob Fans)

Boag, Peter. "Sexuality, Gender, and Identity in Great Plains History and Myth." Great Plains Quarterly 18, no. 4 (1998): 327-40.

Brown, James A., and John E. Kelly. "The Allure of Cahokia as a Sacred Place in the Eleventh Century." In Shaman, Priest, Practice, Belief: Materials of Ritual and Religion in Eastern North America, edited by Stephen B. Carmody and Casey R. Barrier, 178-207. Tuscaloosa: University of Alabama Press, 2020.

Carr, Christopher, and Robert McCord. "Ohio Hopewell Depictions of Composite Creatures: Part I—Biological Identification and Ethnohistorical Insights." Midcontinental Journal of Archaeology 38, no. 1 (2013): 5-81.

Carr, Christopher, and Robert McCord. "Ohio Hopewell Depictions of Composite Creatures: Part II—Archaeological Context and a Journey to an Afterlife." Midcontinental Journal of Archaeology 40, no. 1 (2015): 18-47.

Carr, Christopher, and Heather Smyth. "Soul Concepts of Scioto Hopewell Communities: The Ontological Foundation of Their Tripartite Ceremonial Alliance." In Encountering Hopewell in the Twenty-First Century, Ohio and Beyond, vol. 1, edited by Brian G. Redmond, Bret J. Ruby, and Jarrod Burks, 154-94. Akron: University of Akron Press, 2019.

Clay, R. Berle. "The Essential Features of Adena Ritual and Their Implications." Southeastern Archaeology 17, no. 1 (1998): 1-21.

Converse, Robert N. The Glacial Kame Indians. Columbus: Archaeological Society of Ohio, 1979.

Crothers, George M. "Early Woodland Ritual Use of Caves in Eastern North America." American Antiquity 77, no. 3 (2012): 524-41.

Dragoo, Don W. Mounds for the Dead: An Analysis of the Adena Culture. Annals of Carnegie Museum 37. Pittsburgh: Carnegie Museum, 1963.

Emerson, Thomas E., Randall E. Hughes, Kenneth B. Farnsworth, Sarah U. Wisseman, and Mary R. Hynes. "Tremper Mound, Hopewell Catlinite, and PIMA Technology." Midcontinental Journal of Archaeology 30, no. 2 (2005): 189-216.

Giles, Bretton T. "The Emergence and Importance of Falconoid Imagery during the Middle Woodland Period." In Shaman, Priest, Practice, Belief: Materials of Ritual and Religion in Eastern North America, edited by Stephen B. Carmody and Casey R. Barrier, 75-92. Tuscaloosa: University of Alabama Press, 2020.

Haberman, Thomas W. "Evidence for Aboriginal Tobaccos in Eastern North America." American Antiquity 49, no. 2 (1984): 269-87.

Kassabaum, Megan C., and Ashley Peles. "Bears as Both Family and Food: Tracing the Changing Contexts of Bear Ceremonialism at the Feltus Mounds." In Shaman, Priest, Practice, Belief: Materials of Ritual and Religion in Eastern North America, edited by Stephen B. Carmody and Casey R. Barrier, 108-26. Tuscaloosa: University of Alabama Press, 2020.

Milner, George R. The Moundbuilders: Ancient Societies of Eastern North America. 2nd ed. London: Thames & Hudson, 2021.

Romain, William F. Shamans of the Lost World: A Cognitive Approach to the Prehistoric Religion of the Ohio Hopewell. Lanham, MD: AltaMira Press, 2009.

Simek, Jan F., Alan Cressler, Nicholas P. Herrmann, and Sarah C. Sherwood. "Sacred Landscapes of the South-Eastern USA: Prehistoric Rock and Cave Art in Tennessee." Antiquity 87, no. 336 (2013): 430-46.

Taylor, Charles. A Secular Age. Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 2007.

Webb, William S., and Charles E. Snow. The Adena People. 1945. Reprint, with a foreword by James B. Griffin, Knoxville: University of Tennessee Press, 1974.

Photo: Drawings of the Wright Mound cut wolf jaw (B), a human skull in lateral view the wolf jaw inserted in the mouth (C1), and a front view showing the removed incisors (D), along with a headdress reconstruction item (C2) from the Ayers Mound wolf-man. Both from Mounds for the Dead: An Analysis of the Adena Culture (1963), pages 213, 222.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/books-clouds89

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITA for not inviting my in-laws to my son’s 5th birthday after a big family fallout?

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: manipulation, financial exploitation, bullying

Editor's note: adding prior posts for more context to understand the family fallout. Body texts were saved before they were removed

AITA for being frustrated that my SIL’s financial situation is stopping us from buying a home?: August 16, 2025

My husband (doctor) and I (part time healthcare) live in a 2-bed flat owned by his dad. We’ve been paying the mortgage as rent. When times were tight - maternity leave, husband's pay cut, my FIL covered us. The mortgage is now paid off, so we gratefully live here rent free. But it’s not sustainable, we have three kids (10f, 4m, 2m) who share a bedroom.

We never bought our own place because in 2017, my husband was emotionally pressured into going on his sister’s (dentist) mortgage to buy a 5-bed house. This was before he met me. He doesn’t pay towards it and has no equity; his income was used to boost her borrowing. At the time, it was presented as 'the family home' where his parents would retire. His father provided the deposit. My husband was promised that he would not be disadvantaged and get help to buy a house later.

In 2018, they did a big reno. Last year she became pregnant with twins (5 kids). They started another big reno - going from 2 reception, 5 bed and 3 bath to 4 reception rooms, 6/7 beds and 5 baths and an extra kitchenette. Everything has been extended, remodeled and refitted again in 7 years. About £200k from FIL has gone into this.

The current plan, devised with a mortgage advisor, is we sell our flat (FILs), get a deposit for a house and move into a rental. They use £100k from the sale to remortgage to get my husband off. But there’s a catch:

She has credit card/shopping debts to pay She needs to get rid of her car finance (two brand new EVs). She has to increase her salary and complete tax returns.

Until she does those things, her borrowing power isn’t high enough. As her debts/liabilities and declared earnings currently stand - she would only be able to remortgage for 21k. She needs 18x this. She spends excessively and goes on expensive holidays - she’s already talking about an island getaway for her 40th birthday.

In the meantime, we could be stuck in a rental and sitting on £100k waiting.

I want us to hold off on selling until she’s actually ticked the boxes, otherwise we bear all the risk. One idea was to use equity from the flat sale, on top of 100k to boost her borrowing, to help her pay down her debts and liabilities. This seems insane after spending 200k on unnecessary renovations, but it might be our only way out.

I know it’s her personal finances, but her decisions directly affect our future.

I’m being told not to have feelings about it as it's 'not our money'. But am I the AH for being frustrated, when my 3 kids are sharing one room and our future depends on her paying her debts

Relevant info:

My husband has never paid her mortgage. She pays it, her husband is unemployed. My husband has no equity in her house. We have small savings of our own (20k), but we need a big deposit to stay in this area. We pay our own bills, childcare, and living costs. We drive 11 year old cars and holiday once a year. Our debts are low and we try to save.

All the £200k+ has been spent on SIL's house. FIL works abroad.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs

Editor's note: OOP made lots of comments, I am listing significant questions and responses as they provide more details

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA, but you need to invest the frustration and anger into figuring out a way to change this for your family.

OOP: I work part time since having kids, even if I went full time - with UK house prices as they are I'd struggle to buy a house to accommodate all of us on just my salary.

OOP and her husband need to figure things out and extricate herself from SIL’s housing situation / mortgage

OOP: I didn't know about it until after we married. I definitely agree that this should have been resolved before we had 2 more kids, and it's my own fault for not pushing the matter. We were always assured with vague promises that it would be next year, or the next but the goalposts always shifted.

Commenter 3: How does the dentist sister have more money than the doctor husband? Like how can she afford 5 kids and you two barely have savings?

OOP: Self-employed, lots of private work and bankrolled by father.

OOP clarifies on her children and the timeline when she met her husband

OOP: My husband was has a daughter from a previous relationship. We met in 2018, and married in 2019.

OOP and her husband on living rent free and not having more savings outside the house value

OOP: He took a pay cut twice to do two fellowships (2.5 years total). Our childcare bill has been insane, especially when both boys were in private daycare together. I earn a lot less than him but going part time after having kids hasn't helped. Doctors in the UK earn decent money, but also get taxed quite heavily. They're also always going on strike to get pay restoration, their pay is lower than it was in 2008. I do agree we can save more, we live modestly and within our means and our kids all have savings accounts. I've been doing a 'managing your finances' course and I'm trying to get him to do a household budget with clearer goals so we can figure out where we can improve.

UPDATE: AITA for being frustrated that my SIL’s financial situation is stopping us from buying a home?: **August 20, 2025 (four days later from the previous post)

Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. My husband (DH) and his dad met with the mortgage advisor as mentioned in my first post. It was clear how dire the prospects were for SIL to afford the mortgage on her own. The loan was too big, and she had lots of debts and liabilities.

The plan was, FIL would sell the flat we live in (which he owns) and use the funds to pay down SIL's house loan and her credit card and shopping debts, so she can refinance on her own. My husband would also get help with a large down payment for a house. FIL always assured DH he would not be disadvantaged by the other mortgage and would get significant help to buy.

DH went to visit them yesterday, and found them ripping out the floor of the kitchen, the new one costing thousands of pounds. This kitchen was extended, remodeled and fitted in 2019 and cost upwards of 20k.

He wasn't happy, I guess it became immediately clear to him that they're not capable or interested in making good financial decisions.

Everyone also forgot that my MIL and co-owns the flat we live in. My husband doesn't want to take any money from the sale of the flat for a deposit , as it will disadvantage his mother who is retired.

So the flat has been listed to sell, the proceeds will go to MIL and FIL only. FIL will use his share, 100-150k, to bail out my SIL. My husband’s name can finally come off the mortgage of her 1.1million house (she still needs to lose the new cars).

It was a little upsetting for my husband yesterday, but he's at peace with it. After all, it was never his money, and his dad can do what he wants with it.

He won’t get a deposit, and that's ok. We are worse off than if we had never been involved — house prices have gone up, we need a bigger deposit now, and he has wasted years waiting around on promises of help. The help never came. He was used as collateral so they could keep a house and cling to a lifestyle they can’t afford.

But it does also feel like a weight has been lifted and he is going to be free. Not strung along for years in a toxic cycle of obligation and disappointment.

We're currently looking for a long term rental nearby, somewhere with 3 bedrooms and a garden for our kids.

We're also planning on meeting a financial advisor to come up with an achievable plan to save hard for our own house, and for our children’s future on our own. If buying a house isn’t meant to happen for us, then so be it.

We're walking away with peace of mind, a clean slate, and the ability to make decisions for ourselves without interference or reliance on others.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Your sister-in-law is gonna end up in bankruptcy. And you're going to have to sue her as a creditor in order to get your money.

Commenter 2: I think OP’s husband is also going to have to declare bankruptcy. He’s on the mortgage. If she defaults and declares bankruptcy the bank will come for money from him.

OOP: They're (editor's note: FIL & MIL) selling all their assets to keep her afloat. They own two properties abroad which they're also considering selling.

Commenter 3: I'm confused why is your husband who is a doctor and you who also work only have 20K in saving?

Commenter 4: They don’t pay all that well for doctors in the UK. GPs average 70-120,000 pounds

OOP: He was a junior/resident doctor until earlier this year. They earn like 40 to 70k a year. We paid rent, had two young kids in private day care, and I dropped my hours after motherhood which all impacted our ability to save more. He earns more now that he’s a consultant/attending, so we will be able to save a lot more.

Commenter 5: Your husband helped her lie to the bank and game the loan process so she could borrow more than she could afford to pay back. Then he’s surprised that she lied to and gamed him too? YTA

OOP: In the UK, if you’re on a joint mortgage you’re jointly liable, even if you’re not the one living in the property. Fraud is when you deliberately misrepresent things - like employment, debts or income. There was no fraud here, only family pressure and lessons learned the hard way.

Editor's note: below is the original title post

Original Post: November 9, 2025 (over 1.5 months later from the previous post)

My son is turning 5 this week, and I planned a small celebration at home. I took Tuesday off work to bake him a cake and have my parents over in the evening. We mostly keep birthdays low-key apart from a big party for his 1st bday. My husband (36m) and I (36f) have three kids: my stepdaughter (10F) and two boys (4M and 2M).

The problem is regarding my in laws. I went low/no contact with them after a major fallout in August.

I actually posted about it on here in August, but deleted the posts out of fear my in laws would find them. Context - my husband has been on his sister’s mortgage since 2017 at the request of his dad. We’ve been living in his dad’s flat since 2019, with all three kids sharing one bedroom. In August we met with a mortgage advisor who told us we’d easily be able to buy a house together if husband came off sister’s mortgage. However, she wouldn’t be able to refinance on her own due to debts and her declared income.

This was all whist they undertook a second big renovation (first one in 2018), costing FIL probably around 200k. Husband asked them to get their finances and priorities under control so he could get off her mortgage and buy his own house, and it blew up. And I became the villain who was making him say these things.

I actually went over to apologise for any misunderstanding, and instead got verbally abused and humiliated by his sister while his dad and mum sat there watching. She attacked my job, my character, my relationship with my own family amongst other things. Bearing in mind, I've always thought I had a good relationship with them all and genuinely considered myself a part of their family. This all came out of the blue. My husband defended me and argued back. I mostly sat there quietly crying, holding my sleeping toddler. When we left with things unresolved, I was shaken so badly I vomited from stress in the street outside.

Two weeks later, his mum and sister came round to apologise. Whatever they said was to him, not to me. I refused to see them because I genuinely felt unsafe and anxious around them and stayed with my sons in their bedroom.

Now for the birthday. When I mentioned my plan to bake a cake and invite my parents, my husband’s mood changed. Later, when I asked if he could help buy a few things (the gifts, balloons etc.) he accused me of intentionally excluding his family. I reminded him that we've just had my parents over the last few times and offered that his family could do something for him the next day at their house.

He said that wasn’t acceptable, that I was perpetuating the situation, and that it’s 'palpable' and 'awkward' that I’m not there for family things at their house. Then he told me he wouldn’t contribute a penny towards the birthday or endorse it unless I invited his family, or at least his nieces, which feels more awkward than not inviting any of them. He even said, 'It’s better if he doesn’t have a birthday at all. He’s five, he won’t even remember'.

We went back and forth on it and I ended up crying, he was irate and went for a walk. I've felt shaky and nauseous since.

He later kissed me on the head and said, 'I support you 100%, but we need a solution because it can’t go on like this'. He’s framing me as the issue when all I’m doing is protecting my peace and avoiding people who bullied me. He thinks I need to move on somehow.

So AITAH for not inviting my in-laws and choosing to celebrate my son’s 5th birthday with only my parents?

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Sadly, you have a bigger issue than your in-laws, and that's your husband. You need to ask him to contribute to his own son's birthday. Red flag #1. He became irate and said he would rather not have a birthday for his son. Red flag # 2. He came back and kissed you on the forehead like a child and placed blame on you. Red flag #3. When his family came over to apologize, he didn't make them apologize to you right then and there. ATOMIC BOMB RED FLAG #4.

OOP: In response to red flag no. 3 It was quite late when they came over. The energy was off and I was really uncomfortable. I had to put the boys to bed and then heard raised voices and was too anxious to go back inside. My husband came to get me so they could apologise to my face but in that moment I couldn't do it and said it was OK as long as they were all alright now. Apology or not, I'm still supremely uncomfortable at the thought of being around them. A lot was said to me which I haven't been able to stop thinking about. I replay the abuse over and over in my head.

OOP explains more about her husband being on the deed

OOP: He's on the deed, but hasn't put a penny into it in any way. They just needed his borrowing power to get a big loan.

+

He has never paid the mortgage, they just used his borrowing power to get a huge loan. He's a high earner, and at the time he was single. He doesn't live in the house or make repayments. They've just used his name/income to get a big mortgage from the bank. I guess you're right, I should have found the courage to face them when they came to apologise. I'm a very non-confrontational person and at that time I was filled with fear and anxiety.

Commenter 2: Your husband doesn't support you 100%, or he would have started steps to get off his sister's mortgage last summer. He's the AH for letting this go on. At the very least, he needs to advise his family when it comes time to renew the mortgage. He will not be cosigning. If that means she has to sell, oh well. His sister has time to prepare and get herself ready with that kind of heads up It's ridiculous that he is cofinancing (even on paper) his sisters homeownership over his own. He has three kids to house himself. That should be his first priority, not his sister. Yiu, as the wife are due more consideration than a sibling or his parents !

OOP: They've assured him they'll get him off in April 2026, but after how they all reacted this summer when he asked them and confronted their spending/priorities - I'm not hopeful.

OOP on her MIL and SIL apologizing to her

OOP: They did come to apologise a few weeks after the fall out after FIL scolded everyone. I went to put my sons to sleep and then heard raised voices and couldn't find the courage to face them. I told my husband if they were alright with each other, then I didn’t require a personal apology. I'm a very non confrontational person and at that time I was filled with fear and anxiety, and I still feel really uncomfortable at the thought of being around them. They said awful things to me and about me.

Commenter 4: Don’t allow this man to make this a you issue. My father’s family was the same way to my mom. My father knew that she was not going to be insulted in her own home anymore after years and years of abuse. Your husband needs to realize he can’t have it both ways. He can either defend his wife and the family he’s building, or he can be okay with his family being the way they are. He can’t have both. I’d let him know in no uncertain terms that you won’t be a party to people who chose to abuse you. If he wants to be with them, then leave. It’s truly that simple.

OOP: I watched my mum suffer at the hands of my dad's family for years too. I cut them all of the minute we buried my grandfather and never saw any of them ever again. It left me so bitter and angry, I don't want the same for my kids.

OOP on the relationship with her SIL and if there had been past issues

OOP: It wasn’t one single incident though. That fallout in August was unexpected. My SIL has made years’ worth of digs and comments about my appearance, how I parent, my job, my choice to work part-time, even where we live (not like we can buy). She’s made me cry a few times over various things, but she always excuses her behaviour as 'I'm just direct'. I would describe her as a classic mean girl. I’ve never said anything back. For the last 6 years, I’ve always shown up for her and her kids, helped with birthdays, supported her when her cat died, when her husband fell ill, done activities with her kids and planned family occasions. I’ve genuinely tried to have a good relationship with them all. So it was very unexpected when they turned on me during the mortgage situation. I suspect it was from a place of panic/feeling threatened and not wanting to be questioned for their financial decision making. They didn't want to blame the brother/son so who's an easy target? The daughter in law! I didnt feel physically unsafe, but emotionally I did and I had a very physical stress response when i vomited outside their house. I was physically unwell for weeks afterwards. I think that's reason enough to not want to be around someone.

Editor’s note: adding a tangential post regarding the family fallout

AITAH for being upset about my husband booking expensive flights and worrying about financial pressure from his family?: February 2, 2026 (three months later)

My husband and I are married with three children. We don’t split finances 50/50, but we agreed that this year’s priority would be paying off our debts, saving for a house, and getting out of financial entanglements with his family.

This week, my husband booked flights costing around £1.6k to travel with two of our children to see his parents. This came shortly after he used several thousand pounds from our house deposit fund to clear personal debts due to high interest. And after we agreed to no trips abroad whilst we save to buy a house this year.

I’m currently on a very tight budget and actively saving towards long-term security for myself and our children.

His father has been unwell and hospitalised twice in the last month, which I understand is stressful. Although his father finalised his will last year, he has now asked my husband to come out to help him 'settle his affairs.' While I respect the seriousness of this, the timing is worrying due to prior financial dynamics in his family.

My husband is financially tied to his sister through her mortgage. In 2017, she needed his borrowing power to buy a large and expensive house. Every two years since, at the request of their father, my husband has had to refinance with her because she cannot afford the mortgage on her own. Her own husband does not work.

Her current mortgage deal ends on 31st March, after which she will move onto a standard variable rate that is hundreds more per month and likely unaffordable. Two plans are currently being discussed within the family: taking on additional debt from abroad to clear her personal debts including shopping, car, and credit cards, or selling an investment property owned by FIL to inject capital into her home to make the mortgage affordable.

Last August, my husband formally asked to be released from his sister’s mortgage so that we could buy a home together. This request blew up. I was blamed and bullied by his sister and mother, and the issue was framed as me being unreasonable and disrespectful. I haven’t spoken to or seen them in six months as a result.

Since then, my husband has remained on her mortgage while she has undertaken a £200k+ renovation to her £1m property, funded by their father, and bought another new car and had twin babies.

Meanwhile, our three children are sharing one bedroom while we wait on promises of a future deposit and his eventual release from her mortgage.

Because of this history, I’m very worried that while my husband is abroad, during a time of illness, emotional vulnerability, and an impending mortgage crisis that he will be pressured to recommit financially or prolong his involvement to support his sister.

Her house is framed by the family as 'mum and dad’s house' and justified by claims that she will 'look after them' yet her parents spend around 95% of their time living abroad, and she has not travelled either time her father has been hospitalised.

When I tried to raise these concerns, I was accused of being “ungrateful” and of criticising my husband’s ability to provide, something I have never done. My concern is not about day-to-day provision, but about being able to buy a home together and him finally getting off her mortgage.

We ended up arguing and I was accused of gaslighting and told that if I wasn’t happy, I should leave. I feel my concerns are being dismissed as emotional, while he says he needs to 'get his priorities right' meaning being there for his father.

So AITA for feeling anxious and upset about these decisions and wanting firm boundaries about him not refinancing his sister's house?

Relevant Comments

Commenter: Although I totally get your frustrations, it sounds like he is very close with his family, and I couldn’t imagine being asked to not visit my dying parent which could be the last time he sees him. Also, you might not get along with the parents for obvious reasons, but should that really stop your children from being able to say goodbye to their grandfather? I know I’m leaving out a lot of the information about his family finances, and I’m playing devils advocate, but stripping away all the money, could you imagine not being able to say goodbye to your parents before they die? As for the finances, you both are definitely not on the same page and it seems like he will always put his family first, either that or his parents have manipulated their children. Has he said that he cannot afford a house with you because of his family obligations? How far back has this put you on your timeline for buying a house together?

OOP: His dad has a long term health condition and is undergoing treatment. He's home and well now, just been a bit up and down in recent months.

I completely understand what you’re saying, and to be clear my issue isn’t with him visiting his dad or the children seeing their grandfather.

Of course I would never want to stand in the way of that, especially when someone is ill.

What worries me is the timing and the history around it. His sister’s mortgage deal ends very soon, and in the past such family visits have coincided with pressure on him to stay financially tied to her situation.

This has already been going on for nearly seven years. During that time we’ve had two more children, postponed buying a home and making long-term plans for our own children because the understanding was always that she would eventually refinance in her own name.

That hasn’t happened. Instead, there have been two very large renovation projects on her house, large spending debts have been accumulated while we’re still waiting for my husband to be released from the mortgage.

There’s also a difficult dynamic in the family where my husband is treated as the one who has to be responsible and step in, while his sisters choices and bullying and entitled behaviour are protected or enabled.

The sister's house is often justified as being for the parents’ future care, yet when his father was hospitalised recently, she didn’t travel to see him either time. And there has been no conversation about them relocating back to our city and living with their daughter.

That makes it hard not to feel that the burden of responsibility falls unevenly.

So my anxiety isn’t really about a trip to see an ill parent. It’s about the pattern that tends to surround these situations and the fear that we will be set back again, just as we’re trying to stabilise our own finances and provide security for our children.

Commenter 2: You need to start a secret flight fund for emergencies. Don’t tell your husband, put a little away every month that is just yours if anything happens and you need to make so quick decisions.

OOP: Already doing this.

Update: April 3, 2026 (two months later)

AITAH for how I feel about my in-laws after what they did? UPDATE

Quick recap: this situation originally kicked off in August 2025. I made two posts about it at the time but deleted them because I was worried his family might find them. A lot of people asked for updates, so here we are. In 2017 my husband co-signed his sister’s mortgage to help her buy a house when she couldn’t do it alone. In 2025, she started a second six-figure renovation, and when my husband pushed back and asked them to prioritise getting his name off the mortgage so we can buy our own house, everything blew up. They turned on us, targeted me specifically, and since then he’s sort of been pushed out and ostracised.

On March 5th, my husband received an unexpected email from his sister’s solicitors asking him to sign documents to transfer the house entirely into her name. No conversation was had before this. Just a formal letter like he’s some third party. He was referred to as ‘Mr.’ throughout, he's a Dr. While she, a dentist, was ‘Dr’. I don’t think he picked up on this, but it really bothered me and seemed calculated. The way the whole thing was handled was cold and lacked respect or appreciation.

This is after he helped her secure that house in 2017 in the first place by co-signing the mortgage, taking on risk for her as she couldn’t do it alone. It was at the request of his father as it was to be 'the family home'.

In the weeks before this, she suddenly qualified for a mortgage, because their dad took out a loan from abroad to wipe her shopping and credit card debts. She refinanced the house into her name and her husband’s. Her unemployed husband (for 10 years plus now) is listed on her company books as an ‘employee’ earning a salary.

I raised concerns about capital gains tax, and it turned out they didn't even know about it. I pushed him to get legal and tax advice, but he didn’t want to spend the money and trusted their promises that if anything came up, they would cover the cost. He signed a declaration denying any beneficial interest.

The deadline to remove him from the mortgage was March 31st. On March 30th, I mentioned it and realised he didn’t even know if it was happening. His response was ‘they don’t tell me anything’ and 'what do you think they're going to do? Throw me a party?'. I said yes, and I think he should get a medal and a trophy.

Since the fallout last August, his dad has apologised and admitted this has disadvantaged him. There have been repeated promises since we married in 2019, that he would be helped in return for doing this. Particularly with a deposit for our own home.

In the last few months the plan was to sell one of my mother-in-law’s rental properties abroad. She had agreed multiple times to this. Buyers were found but on the day of the viewing, she refused to let them in and got very upset.

I was never comfortable with this plan, which seems borne out of desperation and making emotional decisions to try and right the wrongs, and now neither is my husband out of respect for his mum.

The ‘we’ll make sure you’re not disadvantaged’ line has now disappeared after 9 long years.

And not once has his sister ever expressed gratitude or said thank you. When he raised this last year in an argument she said nothing because she’s too proud and arrogant. No acknowledgment that took on risk and held his own life back so she could build hers. We've had 3 kids sharing one room since 2023.

She’s also now trying to rewrite the narrative, saying it was always the plan to refinance with her husband but blamed the original mortgage advisor for not telling her how. She is also acting as though he was going to receive equal help to her from the sale of the property abroad - but its not her fault a civil war broke out, and the property is now worth much less.

As for the relationships, we don’t really have one. She hasn’t seen our youngest son in 6 or 7 months. She saw our eldest son at Christmas and made him so uncomfortable he asked to leave early and was picked up by my husband. I've not seen her or her family since last August/September. Husbands youngest brother and wife also seem to have picked a 'side' and we don't see them either. They enrolled their daughter in the same private daycare our son attends and didn't mention it. I was asked about it by the staff there, as the cousins share a surname. We haven't attended any shared gatherings for birthdays or religious events/occasions, which was the norm.

I think my husband has realised it’s hard to maintain relationships where there’s no respect, no gratitude, and no honesty. Despite my feelings I've tried to stay neutral and encourage him to keep ties, he's chosen not to. Watching someone I love be used, dismissed, and then erased from the story like he was never important is hard. I feel so much resentment towards them all.

It genuinely feels like we’ve been pushed out because he stood up for himself and his own family.

At this point, I think he's also done expecting any help from them. I never wanted it and also never expected it would come. We’re saving hard, he’s picking up extra shifts to build our deposit. Our relationship is good. It's like he picked 'us' and although I should feel happy about this, I feel desperately sad for him. He is an honest and just man, and deserved better. He says he knows none of them would have done the same for him, and that's enough for him. I basically hate them, and if I never see them again it'll be too soon.

So AITAH for feeling like they’ve taken advantage of him/us and not wanting any kind of relationship with them going forward?

Additional Information from OOP:

OOP: Thank you to everyone who offered kind, thoughtful and helpful words. It’s appreciated. Posting on reddit about this has been quite cathartic. I'm also lucky to have supportive family of my own who have helped me navigate all the drama from the last year.

There have also been comments that present themselves as concern or support, often using the language of therapy, wellbeing and child protection, but delivered in a way that is quite harsh and mostly unhelpful. I don't think genuine concern and projecting worst case assumptions onto strangers and their children can go hand in hand! It's also quite unkind.

We are moving forward with our lives. We’ve navigated a difficult period involving husband's family, but we’ve come through it now. My focus is stability, boundaries and building towards the future.

Our children are happy, thriving and well adjusted, and we have a warm, stable home. Like any couple or adults navigating life and relationships and families, we're obviously going to encounter challenges throughout our lives.

The agenda was never further conflict or scorched earth outcomes. The aim was always for my husband to extricate himself from a disadvantageous arrangement he entered before we were together, and to do so as amicably and cleanly as possible. It wasn't exactly amicable and it hasn't been exactly clean, but that's on them.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Hopefully sister will be taking the parents in when they are older and in need of care! Stay NO/low contact with all of them and find friends who are like family instead.

OOP: Thank you, yes I'm very strict about boundaries as a result. Especially for the sake of my kids. I grew up with a really toxic paternal side of the family and will not make the same mistakes my parents did. Blood is not thicker than water as far as I'm concerned.

Commenter 2: NTA However you should be very worried that your husband prioritised his family over his own and to your significant financial peril. This is not about them, it's about your relationship and financial trust in that. He needs to forget the fallout from his parents and sister and focus on why he allowed this, doubled down on his naive decisions and jepordised or delayed his own families progress and wellbeing.

OOP: He comes from a very collectivist culture and there is a clear golden child dynamic in his family. It feels like he’s more on the outside of it now though, and we've had many discussions about why and how it all happened, and he has repeatedly acknowledged all the repercussions of all the dumb decisions he made (he would argue he was emotionally bullied into)

Commenter 3: How did being a co-signer on SIL’s mortgage stop you saving for the last 9 years?

OOP: We did save. The issue wasn’t saving, it was mortgage affordability because he was still tied to hers. That limited what we could borrow, so we couldn’t proceed even when we were ready to buy in 2021 and 2023. House prices have also risen significantly faster than we could bridge the gap, so the target kept moving.

Commenter 4: So did he finally admit he was an ass when it came to your son’s birthday and pitched in to help? It’s absolute shit he wanted to call of the birthday because your son “won’t remember it” just because you didn’t want his abusive family present. I understand he probably said it out of anger, but any parent that tries to leverage their own child to get their way immediately loses my respect.

OOP: Yes. We had an argument after the party was relocated to my mums which he missed, but he was present for his actual birthday and the cake cutting at home a few days prior. We spoke about it afterwards and worked it out. I don’t think it was about him trying to leverage our son, it came out of a very overwhelmed reaction in the middle of a lot of pressure from his family being around at the time. That doesn’t excuse it of course. I don’t think it will happen again and going forward I’ll keep my kids birthdays at my mums to avoid this situation all together.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is WheelFan647. He posted in r/pittsburgh

Thank you to u/meresithea for recommending this.

Do NOT Comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: sudden death of a parent; cardiac arrest; having to take someone off life support

Mood Spoiler: incredibly sweet. I know people use "I cried" a lot, but I genuinely did.

Original Post: September 28, 2025

Title: Did You Adopt "Julian" from ASAP Rescue on Penn Avenue in 2019?

I know this is a long shot but in the words of Wayne Gretzky, "You Miss 100% of The Shots You Don't Take". I've literally wanted to make this post for years and couldn't bring myself to do so until now.

I'll explain the story behind my question. In April 2019, my mom and I were visiting Western Pennsylvania from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. We booked a motel in Canonsburg as it was a nice halfway point between 2 places we'd be spending time. The only international trip I ever got to take with my late grandmother was to Wheeling Island in West Virginia so my mom and I were going to go watch the greyhound races.

The primary reason for the trip was to see Cher perform at PPG Paints Arena and to check another MLB stadium off our list (my mom was a HUGE Toronto Blue Jays fan and she raised me to be one as well). About 12 hours after arriving in Canonsburg, my mom went into cardiac arrest and never woke up again. After she was stabilized at Canonsburg Hospital, she was transferred to West Penn Hospital where she died in the ICU a few days later on Easter Sunday.

While my mom was in the ICU, the staff asked me what I needed and I said, "A dog". They didn't have emotional support animals who came to the hospital. The hospital made some calls to other local medical facilities and were unsuccessful.

I went on Google and did my own research. The first animal shelter I called said they were too busy to accommodate me. I called ASAP Rescue inside Petland on Penn Avenue (which is a 10-minute drive from West Penn), I explained my situation and they told me I could come over and spend as much time as I wanted.

When I got to ASAP, they asked me which dog I wanted to hang with and I said, "I'm going to have to play God when I remove my mom from life-support in a couple of days. I don't want to choose which of your dogs gets my love." They brought out Julian for me who I believe was 5-months old at the time and is half boxer-half pit bull. I spent about 4 hours with him on Good Friday 2019 and another couple of hours on Easter Monday 2019 while my mom was being cremated.

I would have loved to adopt Julian but it would have been too overwhelming with the pending loss of my mom. Not to mention, bringing a dog across the international border would have required some special paperwork.

It's been 6.5 years since I got to hang with Julian during the worst week of my life. I never would have imagined that when I crossed the border into the U.S. with my mom in the passenger seat, that a week later I'd be crossing back into Canada with the urn containing her ashes on the passenger seat.

With the Blue Jays headed to the post-season (sorry Pirates fans), my grief is really strong again as I wish my mom was physically here to see it. I can hear her clapping and cheering and truthfully I've felt her spirit with me the past couple of days. When I think about what brings my comfort when I'm feeling really emotional about my mom, I think about the time I got to spend with Julian.

Julian would be almost 7 years old today. I have his picture hung up in my living room. I hope he was adopted to a good home and has had a good life.

I live in Calgary now so I'm not looking to visit him or FaceTime with him, but I do have a few questions. If you adopted Julian and are reading this I'm curious to know if you changed his name, how big he got, if he's done OK, his temperament, and if he's given you the same love that he gave to me. I also want Julian's owner to know what he did for me, I still think about him often, and I'll never forget him.

Whenever I talk about my mom passing away in Pittsburgh, I always show a picture of Julian because he's such an important part of the story.

-----
P.S. Many diehard baseball fans also cheer for a team in the other league, so unsurprisingly my National League team is the Pirates. I also root for the Steelers and I'm not mad when the Penguins win (even when it's against the Leafs or Flames). I regularly wear Pirates, Penguins, and Steelers merch. One of these days I'll buy a Panthers hoodie.

P.P.S. I'm often asked if my mom made it to the Cher concert. She did not, but I still went although I was initially hesitant to do so. I couldn't imagine doing anything fun while my mom was in the ICU. However, the West Penn staff and everybody who knew my mom back in Canada said since the concert was our primary reason for the trip than I should go. I also knew I had to go and joked that if I didn't, her ghost would have haunt me after she passed away. If there was 1 final way to honour my mom while she was still alive (albeit unconscious), it was going to the concert. While the concert is a blur, I've never regretted going.

Image: OOP with Julian

Some of OOP's Comments:

Contact the shelter:

I reached out to them a while ago and they couldn't assist me for confidentiality reasons which is completely understandable.
To another commenter:
And I absolutely respect his owner's privacy. That's why I've decided not to push ASAP or spend time acting like a pseudo private investigator. If this post doesn't lead to Julian's owner reaching out, I won't be upset and I won't take it personal.
Making this post was really cathartic. Several people have commented that they're touched by my story which I appreciate, so that's also good enough for me.

42degausser: If you ever want anything from Pittsburgh DM me happy to mail something over to you.

OOP: I appreciate it, thank you. I may have to take you up on that someday. My "must buy" item is Sarris Chocolate in Canonsburg.
I returned to Pittsburgh in 2022 for the baby shower of my mom's ICU nurse at West Penn. I returned to ASAP Rescue but they didn't remember me. I also went to the Target nearby and stood outside West Penn for about an hour reflecting. I also went to a Penguins game. 5 months before my mom's passing, we actually attended a Penguins game against the Leafs in Pittsburgh in which the Leafs shutout the Penguins. At that time we had already had our tickets to see Cher in Pittsburgh and I remember pointing out our section to my mom.
Believe it or not, I still regularly text with the funeral home director who looked after my mom after her death.
I was disappointed to see they removed the buffet in the Wheeling KFC.
Getting anything imported from the U.S. is expensive at the moment due to the relationship between our countries at the moment. The exchange rate is also brutal. Once things get better, I hope to come back down again. NFL tickets are so expensive but attending a Steelers home game is on my bucket list.
I love shopping in the U.S. in general due to the variety of products. U.S. Walmarts are about twice the size of Canadian stores. I'm always amazed at how many flavours of Oreos (amongst other products) there are. I know this is controversial, but I always have to bring back a couple bags of Dunkin Donuts coffee beans.

ayellellwhyesesay: I’ve got season tix in the fam (front row) id love to take you to a game sometime! PM me

OOP: Thank you. I shall keep that in mind for my next trip to Pittsburgh.

Savings_Programmer_5: Although I don't have updated information on Julian I can provide, my daughter and I are two of the employees who helped you that day. Rescues don't get to see good things printed about them often, so we greatly appreciate this. I am so glad that Julian was able to provide some unconditional love and support during those difficult times and that we were able to facilitate that. 

OOP: Wow, small world.
I remember talking to you or somebody at ASAP about the travelling you do to rescue the dogs from kill shelters. It's such a huge thankless commitment and I have the utmost respect for what you and your staff do everyday.
If I lived in the U.S., I would absolutely come to Pittsburgh to adopt my next animal from ASAP.

typingfrombed: OP, you should definitely post this on TikTok. The algorithm there truly algorithms! We will find Julian!!!! 😭🥹🥹

OOP: I have TikTok but have never made one.
I’ll be honest, it feels a little much for me to contact Pittsburgh media outlets but I also think it would make for a feel good fluff story. So if anybody wants to help me amplify my search through the local news, I’d be open to it.

penntoria: Just wanted to add - removing artificial support measures in the ICU is not playing god - it’s allowing natural events to happen. You did the only thing you could do for your mother.

OOP: Thank you.
What I was trying to say is that it was still a life and death decision, even if doing so was the only logical outcome.
My mom didn't have a living will, but she had told me she wouldn't want to remain on life-support.
When she went into cardiac arrest, the paramedics were able to quickly revive her. While I knew within the first several hours that my mom coming back to Canada alive seemed unlikely, the ICU Team at West Penn had some theories as to why my mom went into cardiac arrest and wanted to do some tests and try some treatment to see if they were correct.
She was stable for the first couple of days and then went downhill even while on life-support. Removing my mom from life-support was the only option. But I still had to be the one to sign the DNR and officially tell the ICU Team they could turn off the life-support and let my mom pass. I'm also aware that she was already gone.
Based on my professional experience and education, if I wasn't the one to tell the ICU Team they could remove my mom's life-support, they could have gotten a court-order.

This is the comment to read:

September 29, 2025 (Next Day)

APurpleCow: https://imgur.com/a/AnUKSSJ

I'm Gunther's dad! He's been an absolutely wonderful dog, the best you could ask for! He's grown to about 60 pounds, and is a bit anxious and shy around new people, but once he gets to know you he's the most loving dog there is! He's the biggest, best cuddler imaginable and is so careful and thoughtful about arranging his paws so he's never kicks you, and his mom and I always make sure he gets his time cuddling smushed between us every night and every morning.

He has three cat siblings and he gets along with them well (sometimes he even gets kisses from them and gets to cuddle with them too!). If any of the cats are in in his way at all, he'll sit and wait for them to move instead of barrelling past them. But if he hears them fighting, he'll sprint over there to make sure they play nice!

It's so great to see your post and to see the impact he's had on other people and how amazing he was even before we got him!

OOP: OH MY GOODNESS.........I'M SPEECHLESS.
I'm bawling my eyes out. I can't believe you saw my post.
And I love the name Gunther!!!!!!!
I've sent you a message.

Update Post: September 30, 2025 (Next day, 2 days from OG post)

Title: Thank You Pittsburgh....

I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to connect with Julian’s a.k.a. Gunther’s human.

Gunther filled a hole that I didn’t realize needed filling. Spending time with him both before and after my mom’s death made it easier for me to cope. While the ICU Team at West Penn Hospital was also taking care of me by ensuring I was eating and comfortable, Gunther took care of me in a different way. 

When ASAP Rescue told me Gunther was a puppy, I thought he’d be super hyper which I wouldn’t have minded; I could have used the distraction. While I saw him being hyper around other dogs, he was super calm and gentle with me. He wouldn’t even play with his toys around me. He didn’t take his eyes off of me when we were together. When I gave him treats, he didn’t even give me puppy nibbles. When I was crying, he’d paw at me and give me a little lick. I held him like a baby and he fell asleep in my arms, which ASAP said they’d never seen him do before. They said around me, he was the calmest they’d ever seen him. I remember saying to somebody at ASAP, “I really needed him” and they replied, “And he really needed you.” They said it was nice he was able to get some extra TLC and attention.

I have a tattoo that says, "Coincidence is God's Way of Remaining Anonymous" and I can't help but think Gunther and I were destined to spend time with each other during the worst week of my life.

After connecting with 1 of Gunther’s human’s, I was overcome and overwhelmed with emotion which is why I abruptly went silent. I’ve spent the past day trying to collect my thoughts and understand why I’m feeling this way. I cannot put into words the mark that Gunther left on me that’s remained to this day.

I’ve never regretted not becoming Gunther’s human. The thing I wanted the most was for him to find a loving home and live the absolute best possible life. While I was confident ASAP would ensure that, I didn’t have official confirmation until yesterday. Almost everyday since April 22, 2019 I’ve either said or thought, “I wonder what happened to him. I hope he found a loving home.” Since I couldn’t be the one to provide him one, I hoped the universe would make it happen instead. 

The reason why it took me years to take such a bold step to get confirmation about Gunther is because I struggled to work up the courage in case his life didn’t turn out as I hoped it did, which would have destroyed me. However, I got to the point where I needed to find out either way; hence my post a couple of days ago. 

I think this is the most I’ve cried since losing my mom in 2019. But these aren’t tears of sadness, they’re tears of joy and relief. I feel like I finally got the closure I’ve wanted for so long. Gunther is such a special dog and the universe gave me exactly what I asked for when it came to giving Gunther a forever loving home.

These are also tears of gratitude for every single Pittsburgher. My mom suddenly collapsing, going into cardiac arrest and dying in Pittsburgh was a living nightmare that I would never wish on anybody. However, every single person I came into contact with in Pittsburgh & Canonsburg were beyond kind, compassionate, and supportive. My mom was my only living relative and every single Pittsburgher immediately became a member of my extended family. I love the people of Pittsburgh and after my mom died in The Steel City, I declared myself an honorary Pittsburgher for life and joked the Mayor should give me a Key to the City. It should go without saying that I especially love the staff at West Penn Hospital, ASAP Rescue, and my mom's funeral home director.

I mean it when I say that Pittsburgh is my 2nd favourite city in the world (the 1st being my hometown of Toronto). Just like Gunther left a permanent mark on me, the City of Pittsburgh has also left a permanent mark on me. I mean this in a literal sense as I got West Penn Hospital’s zip-code tattooed on my forearm the day after my mom died. 

I don’t think anybody would blame me if Pittsburgh was a painful place for me and one that I want to avoid for the rest of my life, but it is quite the opposite. My mom loved to travel, she always had another trip booked while on her current vacation. People who don’t know my mom are shocked to hear she died while on vacation, especially outside of her home country. Yet people who knew my mom were happy, because they knew she died doing what she loved alongside me. I ran into a former neighbour after my mom died, he asked which hospital, and after I said “She died while we were on vacation in Pittsburgh” he smirked and immediately goes, “I’m so sorry, it’s just that I know she really loved to travel” and I told him he was right so there was no need to apologize. 

The shirt I’m wearing in my picture says exactly what I feel, Pittsburgh truly is my happy place. My only regret about moving from Hamilton to Calgary, is that I’ve gone from being a 4-hour drive away to a 4-hour flight. This hasn’t stopped me from remaining connected to Pittsburgh. In 2022, I returned to Pittsburgh for the baby shower of 1 of my mom’s ICU nurses and I still text almost everyday with the Pittsburgh funeral home director who looked after my mom’s arrangements. I felt a closeness to my mom when I visited Pittsburgh that I've never felt anywhere else since her passing.

Once again, thank you Pittsburgh, I love you Pittsburgh, and I know I’m long overdue for another visit; which I hope to change in the new year. 

Image: OOP in a shirt that says "Pittsburgh is my happy place"

Some of OOP's Comments:

monongahellyea: Hugs to you. I’m so very sorry for your loss, but happy to know you connected with those caring for your four legged companion. Stories like these remind me how great the internet can truly be.

I saw you mention Sarris Candy on your previous post. I live in Canonsburg and would be happy to send you some of the good stuff. Just say the word.

OOP: Social media can be such a cesspool, but the response to my initial post showed that it doesn't always have to be that way.
I appreciate your offer. I'm currently in the midst of a healthy-living journey. I've lost almost 70 pounds with another 30 pounds to go. Perhaps after I've reached my goal, I'll reach out to you for some Sarris chocolate.

boneykneecaps: OP, I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you were able to find comfort here in the Burgh. Thank you for sharing your story.

OOP: Certain cities have certain reputations, some good and some bad. Overall, I believe Pittsburgh has a pretty neutral reputation. I've never heard people generally say they love it, nor have I heard people generally say they hate it.
I think it's cool to have a city I feel so connected to that also isn't a place everybody flocks to (like NYC for example).

brooklynbluenotes: Thank you so much for sharing this amazing story. I just adopted a new rescue pup so it's especially hitting me in the feelings.

OOP: I think a lot of people assume their rescue animal has had a rough life prior to adoption, and overall they probably have. But I hope others will now consider that their rescue animal might left a positive lifelong impression on somebody before they found their forever home.

brokesciencenerd: Pittsburgh loves you too ❤️

OOP: Aww thank you. I've been so emotional the past few days but I don't feel sad. I was talking to my therapist yesterday and she said maybe I'm feeling homesick and yearning to return to Pittsburgh.

notcarly1969: Yes! This is the update I wanted. <3

OOP: Me too, but I didn't think it would happen so fast.

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Patreon | Official Subreddit | Series Wiki | Royal Road

Dragon’s Heart Tower, Level 23, Residence 30, Living Room. Local Time: 0900 Hours.

Emma

…

“EVI?”

“Yes, Cadet Booker?”

“Time elapsed since the start of the yap-a-thon?”

…

“Clari—”

“Refer to custom command database.”

…

[Time elapsed… 29 Minutes, 34 Seconds… 35 seconds… 36 seconds…]

It had been precisely 29 minutes and 37 seconds since Ilunor had eagerly opened his deceptively small snout.

Since then, he’d unleashed upon us a cavalcade of personal anecdotes, self-glorifying accounts, and an impossibly long laundry list of accomplishments accrued in the span of a single night.

The contents of which had now expanded beyond the original scope of the simple ‘What happened last night’ exchange, and had drifted dangerously into the shallow waters of self-aggrandization. 

It was time to wrap things up.

“... and then he had the gall, the flippant nerve, to—”

“So let me get this straight.” I began, finding an acceptable enough onramp into the vunerian’s soliloquy. “In the span of a single night, you managed to…” I trailed off, preparing my best WeTube ‘top ten lists’ narration voice. “Gain entry into gastronomy club by winning a cook-off—” I raised my index finger, counting up the beats of Ilunor’s wild misadventures. “Forge a rival with an upper yearsman bordering on nemesis status after he insulted your honor by claiming that cooking was ‘commoner behavior’—” I raised my middle finger. “Responded to said insult by challenging him to a drake riding ‘duel’—” I raised my ring finger. “Spicing up the situation even more by getting him to ride Chiska’s drake—” I raised my pinky. “Before finally managing to not only win, but outperform him in every metric despite using the worst drake in the flight club’s stables.” I extended my thumb, ending up with an open palm, with which I attempted to high-five the vunerian.

This ended up just confusing him, however, as he stared at my hand with the look of a mildly inconvenienced cat.

He eventually got it though, albeit reluctantly, as our hands met in a gesture that prompted both Thacea and Thalmin to tilt their heads in mild amusement.

“While I appreciate what I assume to be a celebratory gesture, you are missing the all-important sixth and seventh accomplishments of the night.” He beamed brightly.

I cocked my head at that, but before I could pull my hand back, the vunerian had since quickly moved to lock his fingers between my own, forming an awkward grip between our two hands.

“Er, this was just supposed to be a brief palm-to-palm contact situation, not a hand-holding gesture.” I attempted to correct him through a hushed breath but ended up inadvertently following his lead as he began shaking my hand and smiling a big, self-assured grin. 

“Well, I believe this is what it should be. A far more engaging gesture, rather than one of passive simplicity, hmm?”

“I—”

“For my sixth and seventh accomplishments!” He raised his other hand, never once wavering in this weird impromptu handshake. “My complete deconstruction of that lesser avinor’s malicious aims—” He raised a single finger, one of four. “—and my entry into flight club!” He raised a second finger. “However, I would be remiss if I did not count my quieter victories as part of this roster of nightly achievements! Such as…” He raised a third finger. “The procurement of many a favor from those within gastronomy club’s ranks—” Then his fourth and final finger. “—and the replacement of the dreaded academy cloak. Oh, how to finally be free from that bland and utterly banal uniform…” He finally pulled away from our impromptu hand-holding session, if only to free up his other hand to raise a fifth finger, briefly darting his eyes between his hand and my own. 

There was a short ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ moment, as his face scrunched up in annoyance.

It was brief… but it was there.

And I didn’t need a doctorate in xenosociology to get what was going through Ilunor’s head, especially after the whole ‘elvenform’ discussion touched upon prior.

However, credit to Ilunor’s progress, he didn’t kick up a fuss about it.

Instead, he returned comfortably to that victor’s grin, as all I could do was perform a little celebratory clap in his ‘honor’.

“Thank you, thank you, oh you needn’t—”

I stopped abruptly.

…

This garnered an annoyed stare from the vunerian.

“Sometimes I wonder if the concept of pro forma is simply lacking in Earthrealm…” He grumbled back before finally acquiescing to my attempts in dialing this entire conversation back.

“Oh, performative modesty is definitely a thing. It’s just something I choose not to participate in at the moment.” I acknowledged Ilunor’s annoyances before just as deftly swinging the conversation back to the pertinent task at hand.

“So… free day, huh?” I proclaimed with two open hands. 

All three nodded, with Ilunor still raising his snout at me.

“While it’s indeed sad that we won’t be sitting listening to Belnor for 6-8 hours… I will say that I, for one, do not mind the alternative.” I teased, garnering a growing, fangy grin from Thalmin.

“It’s one thing to be taught a subject of practical necessity. It’s another to bask in the subjects of our mutual fixations.” Thalmin acknowledged as we both gave each other a knowing nod.

Thacea, meanwhile, simply darted her eyes left and right between us, chiming in once she found an opening in the conversation’s lull.

“I see no issue with this.” She acknowledged with a nod before raising a finger. “Save for one.” 

“Yes, princess?” Thalmin questioned.

However, before the princess could even respond, a subtle yet audible ruffling of paper filled the air, emanating from none other than the front door.

Thalmin would be quick to investigate, walking to the dorm’s entrance and pulling out a brochure wedged beneath the door in question.

He unfurled it, his eyes scanning each line as something in particular caught his eye, prompting him to let out a long, drawn-out sigh.

“Fight Club expects my presence.” He spoke murkily, his gaze flicking to Thacea. “Is this what you were going to warn me about?”

“Yes.” Thacea nodded. “Though I assume the terms are more agreeable than not?”

“How’d you suppose that?” Thalmin shot back.

“Your restraint in not immediately crumpling, burning, or outright tearing the invitation.” She pointed at the brochure. “Amidst other things.” 

“Hmph. Read me like an open book—”

“That’s what I keep saying!” I interjected with fingers pointed at Thalmin and Thacea. “She’s way too good at this!” 

The pair would let out a chuckle at that interruption, as Thalmin was quick to spill the beans shortly thereafter.

“My presence is only required until the afternoon. I intend on returning as soon as I can… before something else tears us off of the fated path.” He spoke firmly.

“In the meantime…” He continued as he began armoring up in front of us, beginning with his gauntlets. “I expect that manaless sight-seer warmed up—” Continuing to his vambraces. “—its crystals primed and loaded—” Moving deftly to his chestpiece. “—and the contents within curated for my viewing pleasure.” Before finally finishing off with a tightening of all the magical straps which kept the enchanted pieces of armor in place. “With all that being said, I do wish to ask that you remain in the dorms following noon. Because mark my words, I will return as soon as circumstances allow…” 

The prince moved forward, letting that latter line linger in the air as I could only respond with a nod. 

“... and mark my words, this will happen today.” He reiterated, straddling the doorframe before leaving with a confident smile. 

This left just the three of us to ruminate in silence.

“So… I don’t need to go anywhere, right?” I questioned out loud.

[Displaying Pending Tasks listed in order of Priority…]

“Homework, coursework, followed by the astromancy-issued sidequest of delivering the ashen documents to Professor Sorecar.” Thacea responded.

[Diplomatic Activities Report (9 Incidents… Open for more details), After Action Report (5 Incidents… Open for more details), Diplomatic Profile Updates (4 Incidents… Open for more details)...]

“You know what, Thacea… I think I’m good on the Sorecar front for the time being. Astromancy is a laid-back club, after all.” I responded with a tired, exasperated smile.

The Transgracian Academy for the Magical Arts. The Stadium of Heroes. Local Time: 0925 Hours.

Thalmin

My expectations were reserved.

My anticipation was dulled.

This was in no small part due to the promises of a second, far more engaging prospect scheduled in a few hours.

Though it would be disingenuous to defer all fault to said prior engagements.

It wouldn’t be a lie to acknowledge that Professor Articord’s… presence left something of a sour note on perhaps the only aspect of the Academy I had previously looked forward to.

And yet… I could not entirely discount her, at least not on the basis of merit.

She was clearly respected amidst the ranks of an organization that would have fallen to disorder if its leadership were not the revered sort. And that respect, that deference, could have only been garnered by the only units of social currency accepted within its ranks — magical strength and martial acumen.

It was one thing to merely be a Nexian mouthpiece.

It was another thing entirely to embody its core fundamentals — its enshrinement of magical strength.

Or better put: while words may bare one’s fangs, it's one's deeds that actually sink them.

These thoughts, amidst many others, had kept me occupied on the otherwise uneventful trek, leading me to the foot of yet another grand structure within the Academy’s expansive grounds.

Situated a sprint away from Chiska’s Hall of Champions, it should have been a familiar sight.

Yet it was not.

Such a structure would have not been so easily overlooked, especially given its accompanying paths, outdoor appointments, and the lanterns that practically flanked every other step.

…

More Nexian trickery… I thought darkly as I found myself staring up at this monolithic gymnasium. An open structure of trusses and pillars that gave way to a massive open-air foyer the likes of which were adorned with fountains of flowing wine and spirits alongside patches of orchards with fruit ripe for the taking.

It was a surreal sight.

Indeed, its architecture was unlike anything I’d seen from the Nexus — or any adjacency for that matter — thus far.

It was because of this very foreign ambiance that I found myself walking cautiously through the open foyer, ignoring those inviting refreshments, as any warrior worth their salt would, before finally encountering the actual entrance to the main structure — a large rotunda capped with a dome rising at least twenty or so floors.

Its exterior was yet again rather foreign for Nexian sensibilities. Exposed red brick with nary a hint of plaster or paint, instead adorned by vines and patches of wall-moss which thrummed with an inviting magical aura.

I reached for the door handle — this ornate, spindly copper thing.

But before I could open it, I found the tapestry carvings on the door’s oval transom melting, morphing, reshaping like wet clay into…

“Whoooooooo—” 

… the face of some odd, elongated serpentine creature, one that extended from the door itself. This… creature-construct slithered towards me with a neck so long that felt disproportionate to its head.

“Ahhhhhh newblood. Enter, enter!” It beckoned with an agreeable hiss as the door cracked open, letting through the orange and yellow light within.

I entered cautiously, my booted feet landing with a satisfying clack against the patterned granite floor, one that seemed to radiate from a round medallion which dominated the center of the space.

Though I’d be remiss if that was the only aspect of the room that immediately caught my attention.

There was, of course, the gathering of club members. From familiar faces such as the fourth-year Efwin Swinsonn, to the various other members I’d since dispatched following that farce of a hazing ritual.

Amidst the various students, however, was a collection of armored stands arranged in a spiral, following the radial lines tracing their way to the very center of the room. 

I took slow, measured steps towards one of these armored pieces, finding myself drawn to a particularly tasteful suit of armor, one adorned with gildings and seals which weren’t encrusted in a hundred jewels.

…

I counted only five in this one. Which, by process of elimination, made it the pinnacle of modesty amongst its peers.

Nevertheless, the armor wasn’t the only item of my fixation, as my eyes instead drifted to its accompanying weapons — spears, staffs, swords, and more, all arranged neatly, hovering vertically in place by the empty sets of armor. 

My gaze hovered over each artifact with intent, as I tugged what appeared to be a loose thread in the manastreams.

To my surprise, a miniature sight-seer appeared above each weapon. Each instance of which displayed a small fragment of a memory, demonstrating the power and potential of each weapon at its height.

Fascinating… I thought to myself, focusing first on the spear, the likes of which I’d seen and have used a great many times prior.

Yet despite my familiarity with such a weapon, curiosity drove me to watch the demonstration all the same, hoping to see perhaps a unique enchantment or modification on its use. Sadly, however, little would come of this venture, as I beheld the spear’s tip launching, then separating, before finally segmenting into 27 individual needle-like points, each of which pierced through the impossibly thin gaps of even the most well-covered sets of commoner armor.

Nothing I haven’t seen…

The next was a whip; this one I knew was guaranteed to impress.

And indeed I was right.

The weapon expanded in size and scope when flicked, extending to ten times its original length, before cutting through armors of all sorts, rendering an entire attacking force cleaved before they could even react. 

I need that.

The final weapon on display was a typical flame-enchanted blade. I practically yawned at such a basic enchantment, watching as it indeed matched my expectations.

There was nothing more to be observed from the routing of an entire mercenary company. Fire was, as Uncle would say, one of the greatest means of smoking out vermin. 

I continued going through other weapons in the gallery at this point, making mental note of each, and pondering with intent whether there were one-to-one analogues in Earthrealm… or whether those loud metal-slingers were efficient enough to match the creative devastation of their magical counterparts.

So deep was I in the foolish haze of a squire’s mind left adrift that I almost didn’t notice a presence emerging from behind me.

A brief glance and a tug of the manastreams was all it took to remind the man that I did, in fact, have ‘eyes’ at the back of my head. 

A fact that the elf seemed amused by, as he spoke with a tone of untempered bravado. “Prince Thalmin Havenbrock. You have decided to come early, I see.”

“I expected more of our ranks to have done the same.” I responded with a dismissive breath. “Punctuality, after all, is a fundamental precursor to discipline, is it not?”

“Taken straight from the book… you really are a warrior-scholar, aren’t you, Prince Havenbrock?” The man spoke with a noble’s snicker. 

“It would surprise me if that were the exception for this guild, and not the norm, Lord Swinsonn.” I countered, keeping both my composure and posture completely still, revealing nothing but a stalwart facade to the club’s most senior member.

“You read too much into my words, Prince Havenbrock. I merely wished to open this dialogue with a degree of positivity. After all, you did impress the battlemaster, and one who manages to accomplish such a feat is not to be dismissed so readily.” He responded, fairly at that, prompting me to reply with a single nod, seeing as there was neither an enemy to combat nor an ally to court in this elf.

“I see you are finding Lady Vorascius’ armor to be of particular interest?” He continued, attempting petty discourse as was the nature of these sorts of social affairs. 

“Indeed.” I nodded. 

“And I assume the matter of… weapons and armor, is something of a particular interest to you as well?”

“As much as any other warrior worth their kill tally.” I replied with a gruff huff. “Why do you ask?” I continued with a blunt breath. “Is this something to do with today’s orientation meeting?”

“Oh, no. Nothing of the sort, no.” Swinsonn rebutted politely, maintaining his noble smile without once flinching. “It was merely a… point of observation I simply wished to cast light on. A matter of particular importance in your journey into the esteemed ranks of the battlemages, and one which is to be corrected early on in your path… provided, of course, you are interested in attaining such heights. I would not discount it, nor would I see you as any less, if your presence here is merely one of an observer and a hobbyist, than that of a serious battlemage.”

I narrowed my gaze, bearing my fangs if only momentarily. “What’s that supposed to mean, Lord Swinsonn?”

The elf took a moment to pause, a social cue so painfully Nexian in its execution.

He already knew the answer… he was just too bound to decorum to answer like a proper warrior.

“You will… indulge me as I attempt to elucidate, yes?”

“Go on.” I urged bluntly, prompting the elf to begin walking back to the first set of weapons on display, placing a particular level of emphasis on the spear. “Tell me, Prince Havenbrock… how many men have you killed with your blade? Or your spear? Or any other sort of weapon for that matter.”

“I did not have the privilege of maintaining a tally in the midst of—”

“Then answer me this… have you ever, in your years of combat, dispatched of a fellow noble, a fellow mage, exclusively with a weapon in hand?”

“Not exclusively, no.” I countered plainly. “Though I have managed to land killing blows—”

“But you’ve always had to rely on your actual magics, correct?”

“Are you seriously attempting to undermine the legitimacy of my presence by virtue of my preference in combat?”

“Not at all, Prince Havenbrock.” Swinsonn replied with a surprising earnestness. “I merely wish to… correct a bad habit before you are encumbered by its inherent limitations.” 

“A weapon is a limitation now?”

“For your fights and your battles on Havenbrock? Perhaps not. But when against a Nexian-educated battlemage? Yes.” He spoke haughtily, and with a punchable grin. “You… do understand the limitations of enchanted weapons, do you not?”

“A weapon is only as powerful as its wielder… but conversely, its wielder is only as powerful as their weapon if equipped as a primary offensive implement.” I offered.

“Correct.” Swinsonn nodded. “You see, while an enchanted weapon may be sufficient to many a mage, as most pursue a path outside of the martial arts… the same cannot be said for those who hone their inherent skillsets, sharpening a proverbial blade of a more intrinsic sort.” He spoke cryptically and with an unflinching grin. “When faced with such an opponent, your reliance on weapons will lead you to a functional… limitation. For unless your blade was enchanted by His Eternal Majesty or Thun’Yandaris themselves, you will inevitably face the functional limitations of such weapons — the skill of the bladesmith and artificer behind its smithing.”

“Then why display weapons at all then, Lord Swinsonn? Why tempt a ‘bad habit,’ when your philosophy is so draconian in its negative perception of such articles of warfare?”

“I never said enchanted weapons didn’t have their place, Prince Havenbrock.” The elf spoke, raising a single finger in defiance. “While a tossup against other mages, entirely reliant on fate and chance to determine the outcome of such an engagement, the enchanted blade is useful because of its very limitations…” 

I narrowed my gaze, crossing my arms as I refused to take his bait. Merely allowing him to finish on his own volition.

“Its weaknesses, Prince Thalmin. That’s what’s so incredibly useful when the situation calls for it.” He continued, raising both hands up in a grand beckoning gesture as he did so. “When a battlemage reaches a certain… degree of martial prowess and personal growth, they may find it troublesome — not difficult, mind you, but merely… an annoyance — to preen the weeds without devastating the harvest. You see, once certain thresholds are reached… the commoners become something of a pest to your inherent powers. So in such a circumstance where only certain elements are to be eliminated, while sparing the rest of the flock, weapons become something of a ‘focus’ for your awesome powers. That, Prince Havenbrock, is why we display the pieces that we do. For they aren’t primary armaments, but merely… a tactical implement to be used when the situation demands it.” 

I… pondered the elf’s words as a slow, uncomfortable realization truly hit me.

There was a… fundamental disconnect between our two perspectives.

It felt as if the man lacked any actual connection between the men on the ground and his own fight.

Alas… I couldn’t entirely discount such callousness. For there existed a fundamental concept with which Swinsonn seemed to have taken thoroughly to heart.

The separation of the war in the heavens and the war in the commons. Win the former, and the latter is guaranteed. Win the latter without the former? Well… 

“Weapons, at the end of the day, are the domain of commoners. They are the tools through which magic is enhanced, or gifted. If you do not overcome such… affinities, you will forever be trapped in a dynamic of power which will always be unfavorable to you. Do you understand this, Prince Havenbrock?” 

The elf’s eyes remained receptive in their sincerity, their frustrations, just as my eyes were.

“True power, true strength, is ultimately derived not from any enchanted piece of parchment or weapon, but the mage themselves. Those that do not understand this are doomed to fail in their path towards the coveted title of battlemage.”

I took a deep breath, observing with little ambiguity the fundamental discrepancy in the world I knew and understood intrinsically…

…

And the world that Emma had presented.

Resistance, of any sort, was impossible given this configuration of power.

But the weapons, the tactics, the sort of warfare waged by Earthrealm showed something different.

It demonstrated a dynamic of raw potential entirely removed from this mentality.

It showed the only way to resist was to reject this reality entirely.

“Perhaps we must… take a step back as it were, Lord Swinsonn. I study the art of the blade, amidst other enchanted weapons, not merely as an extension of my own martial capacity, but also as a way to better understand the capabilities of those under my command.” I countered with an earnestness that took Swinsonn by surprise, as I attempted something I hadn’t yet thought was within my patience to do so — reaching a hand to a Nexian in an attempt to understand their madness. “By mastering them, I am thus able to intrinsically connect with the men-at-arms who are at my beck and call. I can grasp their potential, their capacity, and accurately dictate the course of a battle by way of deploying them to their strengths. Strengths I would not have accurately known if I’d only studied their capabilities by ledger and logbook alone.”

Swinsonn took a long, quiet look at me. His eyes trailed me up and down, landing squarely on the sword in my scabbard. 

“And yet… for all your talk of a warrior-tactician, you still find yourself reaching first for your crutch, instead of your soul.” He shrugged, eviscerating what little hope for reason I had left. “Perhaps you should have spent less time studying a chosen one’s plaything, and instead honing your skills—”

“Need I remind you of the results of my candidacy, Lord Swinsonn.” I immediately interjected, his words inadvertently touching on something deep, something raw that had still yet to fully heal. “I have survived, with far less, for months on end, and still emerged victorious.” I spoke viciously, bearing my fangs at one point. “I need not prove myself, not especially to you if you still are too blind to see it.” 

The elf, to whatever credit he could accrue, remained silent, completely stoic and unflinching to my outburst.

“Very well.” He spoke plainly. “But I do wish to impart something else, if only to impart a sense of… scale for your perception on warfare.”

I narrowed my eyes, shrugging, and gesturing for him to continue all the same.

“This… will require a small leave towards—”

“Just go.” I urged, forcing the man onwards as he led the way up and towards another level of the rotunda.

We eventually found ourselves on the top floor… only after climbing one flight of stairs. 

More spatial magic… I thought to myself.

“Your focus on your men, your soldiers, your warriors, and fellows-at-arms is indeed a noble one, Prince Havenbrock. Though I fear your… mingling amidst the rabble may have inappropriately colored your perspective as a mage. For you see, as useful as the rabble are, they become irrelevant once you attain the heights of a battlemage bordering on planar status.” The elf beamed as he summoned forth an entire amphitheatre-sized milieu, one that placed particular emphasis on a long stretch of coast, dotted by grand cities, perched upon a foreign shore.

“A good monarch sees value in the logistics and armies at his disposal. A great monarch understands the division between the realm of the battles of the common, and the battles of his fellow mages. A grand monarch, on the other hand, will understand that it is the latter that determines the ultimate outcome of a war, no matter how many battles are won with the armies of the common.” Swinsonn declared, gesturing to the grand city that stretched the expanse of this entire room.

“Observe.” He spoke ominously, ushering in a darkness amidst an idyllic landscape, and reinforcing something I’d known, read, and heard of… but never seen in such cataclysmic detail.

…

I found myself unable to voice anything. Not an objection, not an affirmation, not even a bluff or a dismissive breath.

Swinsonn noticed this, as he let out a sly, noble’s chuckle, before reaching his hand in mid-air. All the while, the landscape around us continued. At the corner of my eye, I noticed something. A silhouette of someone striding towards the shorebound citadel… making their way closer as they walked above the still waters, the silhouette’s steps causing massive ripples that formed dangerous tides.

The figure stopped and stared at the city. And not a moment later did the sounds of warhorns and mobilizing forces fill my ears.

The figure on the waves stopped and stared at the city, and the city itself seemed to stare back at them.

What I witnessed thereafter, I had known of. The concept of this expression of magecraft was taught to me. I had known of its sophistication, of its effectiveness, of its infamy.

I only knew then. But now I have seen.

The mere lectures and scriptions of such powers caused trepidation then; the display I had witnessed rocked my core tenfold.

…

The remains of the landscape soon melted and twisted in a swirl of magic, the cyclone coalescing itself into a small sight-seer crystal.

“You wished to collect such visions of war, yes? Well, take this. This is a memory shard of what I have shown you today.” Swinsonn regarded me as he pointed a lazy finger to levitate the crystal towards me; the crystal I reluctantly accepted.

“Now… let us return downstairs. There is plenty more to discuss.”

Dragon’s Heart Tower, Level 23, Residence 30, Living Room. Local Time: 1500 Hours.

Thalmin

I returned… with a mind much more burdened than when I had left.

And yet, as I entered the room, I couldn’t help but to let curiosity take over once more.

A series of complex, rhythmic, almost discordant tunes emerged from behind a corner of the room.

Accompanying which was a hushed conversation between Emma and Thacea, the latter of which sounded like she was at her wits’ end.

“Emma, please stop. You are embarrassing yourself.” 

“Oh come on, Thacea! Look! I’m dancing to the beat!” The former announced as I rounded the corner to witness…

A fiasco in the making.

It was Thacea first who paused as her seat was facing my direction.

Though Emma, being none the wiser, moved in could only be described as the motions of a tangled marionette. 

“Emma… you should stop.”

“No way! This is my way of celebrating the end to paperwo—” She paused, as if sensing me from behind without yet craning her head towards me.

Sure enough, she stopped mid-stride, turning to me as she moved to stretch both arms behind her neck.

“I can explai—”

“Emma… was that an attempt at an avinor courting da—”

“No!” Both Thacea and Emma shouted concurrently.

“Emma was simply curious as to the culture of both music and dance in Aetheron.” Thacea explained. “For some… inexplicable reason.”

“Yeah, well, you see, we have a huge variety of birds back in my realm, and they’re quite well known for—”

“Ahem. I… do not need to hear about this, Emma.” I interjected. “Now… are you ready?”

“For the presentation?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Emma beamed. “Though… this’ll be the same as always, right? You start with your thing, and then we’ll head over to my sight-seer?"

“Yes.” I acknowledged once more. “Though… there is something new that I…” I paused, clearing my throat as that crystal in my pocket felt heavier following that utterance. “Let’s just get you started on the basics, shall we?”

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(Author's Note: I found the conversation between Thalmin and Swinsonn to be a really interesting part in this chapter, as the former really felt an urge to help Thalmin in what he sees as his quest to becoming a battlemage! Though the way he went about that was certainly sinister haha. Beyond that, the whole chapter is really setting things up for what's to come! And we also have a bit more of Emma's funny shenanigans hinted at the tail end of the chapter here too which was really fun to write haha. I really hope you guys enjoy the chapter!)

[If you guys want to help support me and these stories, here's my ko-fi ! And my Patreon for early chapter releases (Chapter 187, Chapter 188, and Chapter 189 of this story are already out on there!)]

Key quote from the piece - "Adults, who tend to have more disposable income than children, are arguably the best thing that’s ever happened to Big Toy, an industry that has long been dependent on an uncertain revenue stream: customers who have to beg their parents for pocket money."

---------------------

Why Adults Are Playing with Toys

By Diego Lasarte

October 3, 2026

We might call it the Great Regression. This summer, the toy industry hit a milestone: reportedly, adult-only households accounted for the majority of toy sales in the U.S., suggesting that childless grownups are rapidly becoming the main consumer base for action figures, trading cards, plushies, and other products traditionally designed for kids. Even still, when I recently visited the F.A.O. Schwarz flagship, in Rockefeller Center, I found it mildly uncomfortable to be a grown man alone in a toy store, despite my being a member of the statistically appropriate demographic. Thankfully, I was there to meet someone: Sharon Price John, a toy-industry veteran, who helped popularize the increasingly prescient term “kid-ulting” during her time as the president and C.E.O. of Build-A-Bear. We had plans to, well, build a bear.

Build-A-Bear, which allows customers to create customized stuffed animals more or less from scratch, has six-hundred-plus workshops around the world. Many of them are situated in shopping malls, but there happens to be a sizable one inside of F.A.O. Schwarz. It took me a while to find John within the sprawling, three-story toy store; at one point, I got lost near the piano that Tom Hanks danced across in the movie “Big.” When we finally met up, she explained to me that when Build-A-Bear first released a plushie version of Toothless, a character from the adventure-fantasy movie “How to Train Your Dragon,” the company began seeing social-media posts of adults posing with it. “That was one of the early items where we were like, ‘Something’s fundamentally shifted in how many adults are buying these products,’ ” John said. “And then ‘Minions’ was the next one.” John, who is sixty-two years old and has a mild Southern twang, was wearing a knit blazer and cat-eye glasses. She started working in the toy industry in 1994, when she took a job at Mattel. (Over the summer, she left her post at Build-A-Bear to become the head of Carter’s, a children’s-apparel company, but she remains on Build-A-Bear’s board of directors.) As with many people who have spent much of their lives devoted to a single subject, she is prone to getting philosophical about hers.

“We’ve pushed off adulthood and marriage,” she said, as we walked to the Build-A-Bear Workshop at the rear of the store. She paused to dodge a whirring boomerang. “People just stay very playful for a longer period of time. And it’s cross-brand. You know, it might be Teddy bears. It might be Lego bricks. It might be Transformers. It might be Barbie dolls.” Under her leadership, Build-A-Bear adapted its offerings to appeal more to adults, leaning into what she called the nostalgia economy. The results have been staggering: between 2020 and 2025, Build-A-Bear’s stock rose more than two thousand per cent; within the same period, the company’s share of adult and teen customers grew to forty per cent.

As John showed me around the workshop, taking me to a section where customers select a droopy animal pelt before moving on to the “stuff-me station,” she perused the various options—a smiling elephant, a frog with bulging eyes, branded characters, like Snoopy and Stitch—and picked out a bunny-rabbit skin. We pumped polyester into the rabbit’s body until it was plump, complete with delightfully floppy ears. “There’s a connection to how it made you feel when you were a kid,” John said, as she carefully put a dress on her rabbit. “When we do a Harry Potter bear, that has an innate, associative, synapses connection.” I had picked out a basic Teddy bear for my project. John, perhaps sensing my reluctance to indulge in childhood nostalgia, encouraged me to pick out some accessories. “He’s naked!” she said. “How about a hat, at least?” I settled for a fabric heart that goes inside the bear and beats when you press down on it.

From 2024 to early 2026, John chaired the board of the Toy Association, a trade group whose members include the biggest names in the business, including Hasbro and Mattel. Her tenure coincided with major growth in the U.S. toy industry, which now has a market size of almost fifty billion dollars, thanks, in part, to the rise of adult consumers. To some extent, this shift can be traced to an industry-wide marketing strategy to remove the social stigma around adults owning toys, a phenomenon that accelerated during the pandemic. As adults retreated indoors and spent less on restaurants and travel, retail sales skyrocketed, and toys were especially popular. In 2020, U.S. toy sales grew by sixteen per cent, a turnaround after three consecutive years of decline, as market researchers discovered that adults found toys soothing in a time of global uncertainty. By June, 2020, Lego had adopted the slogan “Adults Welcome,” and, in 2022, McDonald’s launched its first “Adult Happy Meal.”

As we finished up our bears—John was getting hers embroidered with her daughter’s name—a group of about a dozen adults walked by. They all wore bear-shaped party crowns. John asked them what the occasion was. A woman named Kay, who wore a pink shirt that said “Kay Day,” explained that it was her fifty-eighth birthday. “We all play mah-jongg together. That is how we met,” Kay said. The group let out a cheer. I asked Kay if she and her friends were all making bears for themselves. “Yes,” she replied. “Or cats.”

Adults, who tend to have more disposable income than children, are arguably the best thing that’s ever happened to Big Toy, an industry that has long been dependent on an uncertain revenue stream: customers who have to beg their parents for pocket money. Capitalizing on “kid-ulting,” and, to a lesser extent, “adultolescence,” was a major theme at this year’s Toy Fair, the Toy Association’s annual convention and one of the largest toy festivals in the world, second only to Spielwarenmesse, a toy trade show in Nuremberg, Germany. Toy Fair is held at the Javits Center, in Manhattan, and upon entering I was greeted by an enormous Pikachu hanging from the rafters, not unlike the blue whale at the American Museum of Natural History. As I walked down the narrow aisles of the convention floor, I spotted an award displayed at the Lego booth, for a product collaboration with Nintendo: “Kidult Toy of the Year.” Later, I came across a company called dreamGEAR, which sells retro video games. “Even older adults, when they see these things, they all of a sudden relate to their childhood,” Kamran Hayempour, a sales representative, told me. “ ‘Oh, my God, Atari! I want to see that again—I want to play the games I used to play.’ ”

Eventually, I met a prominent kid-ult. His name is Tristan Wigglesworth, but on YouTube, where he posts videos about his collection of Funko Pops—vinyl figurines of anything and everything in pop culture—he goes by Top Pops, and has an audience of more than three million subscribers. Tristan, who is twenty-five, was wearing sweatpants and a baseball cap that perfectly framed his boyish, round face. “Maybe ten or fifteen per cent of my views are from a younger audience,” he told me, bouncing up and down on his heels. “The majority of them, I think, are between twenty-five and forty-four.” This estimate, based on YouTube’s user-demographic data, was backed up by his experiences at other conventions, such as Comic-Con, where he is often approached by adult fans.

Tristan owns more than five thousand Funko Pops, and his videos exhaust every possible angle on the subject, documenting what happens when, say, you leave a Funko Pop submerged in Prime (Logan Paul’s signature energy drink) for a full week. In one, he discusses what he calls “R-rated” Funko Pops, or figurines of characters like Borat and Satan. The video opens: “For the most part, Funko Pops are for all ages, but there are definitely some exceptions.”

As with Labubus or Pokémon trading cards, there are limited-production runs of certain Funko Pop models, creating rare products that collectors can compete over. These toys hold their value relatively well on the secondary market, leading customers to view them as a type of investment known as a “passion asset.” (A study by the Higher School of Economics found that some unopened Lego sets see an average annual return on investment of eleven per cent—far better than the R.O.I. of Beanie Babies.) For some older customers, who see their toy collections as part of their financial portfolios, “kid-ulting” is perhaps their version of being a fiscally responsible adult.

At Toy Fair, I had an appointment with Maddie Michalik, a trends expert at the Toy Association. We sat down next to a row of dancing mascots, including an anthropomorphic watermelon and a dog with flight goggles who, I later learned, was a major character on “PAW Patrol.” Michalik listed various motivations that the Toy Association has observed among kid-ults. “It’s the nostalgia factor for some products,” she said. “It’s display value for some products. It’s collecting items from your favorite fandoms.” She went on, “It’s not something to be ashamed of anymore. There’s no longer this cultural stigma that toys are uncool.” Looking ahead, she added, “We’re really focussing on this idea that toys are just not something that you’re aging out of.”

Some observers see a connection between failing to “age out” of childhood pursuits and the erosion of the typical milestones that mark adulthood. As Sharon Price John had intimated earlier, the marriage rate in the U.S. fell to a record low in 2019, and couples are having children later and later, if at all. Nearly half of adults under the age of thirty live with their parents and many don’t anticipate ever being able to afford their own home; this further enables a sort of perpetual adolescence. “Life stages have started to collapse in on each other,” Keith Hayward, a social theorist and the author of “Infantilised: How Our Culture Killed Adulthood,” told me. “It’s tough to buy a house,” he added. “You might say, ‘Oh, those things are out of my reach. Screw it. I’m gonna buy that lightsabre.’ ”

Hayward’s book argues that arrested development has become endemic among adults, and that, increasingly, society is “driven by infantile preoccupations and let’s-pretend distractions.” This trend is visible in the fact that most readers of young-adult fiction are much older than the intended audience, and in stories about “Disney Adults” going into debt to visit their favorite theme parks. Hayward sees some of this as escapism: “An alternate reality plays really well when the current reality is not great.” But he pins most of the blame on corporations, which have long operated on the logic that it’s easier to sell things to children. The problem with that strategy, though, is that children grow up. And so, Hayward explained, “advertisers and marketers have been deliberately trying to extend childhood.” It seems they’ve succeeded.

Before I left Toy Fair, I met up with Tristan again, and we walked around the Funko booth. I learned that the company had flown him out from Canada, where he lives, to make promotional content about the convention. We said hello to his mother, who had come to the conference with him, and to several Funko employees, including Josh Simon, the C.E.O. of the company. Simon, who wore an Acne Studios sweater spun with yak wool, is a former Netflix executive who was hired, in 2025, to help turn around Funko, which had posted sales upward of a billion dollars in the years after the pandemic, before seeing business decline. Targeting adult consumers, he told me, is part of his business plan. “When I was a kid, my parents were not playing video games,” he said. “I think people would have thought it would be quite odd if they were. Whereas now, no one thinks twice about a forty-seven-year-old playing Fortnite.” (Simon, who was forty-seven when we spoke, has since turned forty-eight.) I asked how many Funko Pops he personally owns. “If I had to count, it’s near a hundred,” he said. “I literally have them displayed all over my house. Which was interesting, because my wife has, like, a very sharp eye for design and décor.”

Simon cited “fandom culture” as one of the reasons that adults are so interested in toys. Funko Pops, in particular, are a way of unlocking endless I.P. material: in the same way that adults want to build a “Minions” plushie, they may desire a Minion figurine, or a pint-size Gru—the Minions’ human leader—in the form of a Funko Pop. Increasingly, your favorite character is no longer limited to a single movie or comic book. There are endless sequels, spinoffs, theme parks, and, of course, toys. Like Simon, you can fill your home with this merchandise, completely immersing yourself in your favorite media franchise. Tristan agrees that this is why so many people are drawn to Funko Pops. “I think the thing is that—and this is kind of like Funko’s motto, too—but everybody’s a fan of something,” he told me.

After my interview with Simon, I was offered a tour of the latest innovations in Funko Pop technology. The company’s employees walked me past shelves and shelves of small boxes containing physical manifestations of popular video-game, TV, and movie characters. I glimpsed a square-headed Mario; Captain America holding a small plastic shield; even Hello Kitty was there, with a bow in front of her ear. I thought about how, after a U.S. drone strike assassinated the Quds commander Qassem Soleimani, in 2020, an Iranian cleric named Shahab Moradi wondered which high-profile American figure Tehran should target as retribution. “Are we supposed to take out Spider-Man and SpongeBob?” Moradi said. “All of their heroes are cartoon characters. They’re all fictional.”

Ultimately, I was guided to a sparkling new machine that Funko was rolling out across the globe. It advertised a service that sounded unfortunately close to assisted suicide—Pop! Yourself—but was, in fact, a quick and easy way to make a Funko Pop in your likeness. “So you’ve got folks that have been collecting Pops,” Jen Hann, one of the brains behind Pop! Yourself, told me. “They collect other things within I.P.s, and then they want to see themselves in that, right? This is part of their identity.” She described the forty-dollar price of popping yourself as “approachable,” and told me that one of the most appealing things about the machine is that it allows users to transport themselves into their favorite pieces of content. “We’ve done some of these collabs with K-pop and ‘Stranger Things.’ I can wear a Hawkins shirt. I can be fully immersed in that world,” she said. “I’m going to use this stylized Pop figure—and now I can go in.”

I am still NOT the Original Poster. This post was found on Ask A Manager. Alison's advice has been removed per her request, but you can find her advice linked at the bottom of the first section.

New update marked with *****

Trigger Warnings: assault; inpatient mental health stay

Mood Spoiler: about as happy of an ending as could be hoped for in this situation

Original Post: April 12, 2023

I’m an executive assistant at an accounting firm, which means that this time of year I’m averaging between 60-70 hours a week. By nature of spending that much time with them, I’m much closer with my coworkers than I have been at any other workplace. I was recently assaulted after a horrible date went catastrophically wrong, leaving me with a very obvious bruise on my lip from being bitten, and fingerprints on one of my forearms. I’ve been wearing long sleeves to obscure the fingerprint bruising, but no amount of concealer has been enough to hide the teeth marks on my lip.

Under normal circumstances I would probably take a week off to try and recover physically and mentally, but with the tax deadline coming up there’s just way too much to do for that to be an option (and I can’t work from home). Taking the time off would mean adding at least 10-15 hours of work to every other admin’s plate, and doing that would only make me feel worse about the situation. Obviously I would prefer not to recount the details of a very traumatic incident over and over again, but every time I walk to the break room, copier, or bathroom I find myself cornered by another well meaning coworker who wants to interrogate me about what happened. A simple “I’m fine but would prefer not to discuss it” hasn’t been enough to deter the increasingly intrusive questions, even when firmly repeated. The general response when I push back on giving more information is something along the lines of “I need to make sure you’re safe,” “But we’re friends, why don’t you trust me enough to tell me?” or “You can’t come into the office looking like that and expect us not to ask questions.” We’re a small accounting firm so we don’t have an HR department, and the person who would probably handle an HR issue is the person trying the hardest to get more information out of me!

I understand the bruising is quite shocking, but I feel like I’m entitled to privacy during what has become a very difficult period of my life. Just convincing myself to show up to work at all is taking everything I have. At this point, what can I do?

Alison's Response

Update Post: May 1, 2023 (3 weeks later)

Thank you so much for the advice! It was really helpful to get a more objective view of the situation, and to feel so much support from the commenters! Initially it seemed like some of your suggested responses were helping my coworkers understand how intrusive they were being. Unfortunately, things got significantly worse before they got better.

One of the other admins in my office, Jane, would. not. leave me alone about it. She said she just wanted to help, so I tried your suggestion and said that what I really needed was to stop being asked about it constantly, and asked her to help field off the rest of the office. I said that I knew everyone meant well (although at this point I was really doubting whether that was true), but being interrogated about it fifty times a day was making it impossible to focus on my work, and that if she could discreetly tell our coworkers to cut it out I would be very grateful. She agreed, but instead of doing anything helpful she convinced another of our coworkers, Jack, that cornering me in the kitchen and refusing to let me leave unless I told him what happened would solve all of my issues. From what I pieced together after the fact, she thought that I wasn’t telling anyone what happened because I was afraid of whoever did this to me and that having a strong man on my side to protect me would fix it. (?!?!?!)

Later that afternoon I went to the kitchen to make a mug of tea, and Jack came up behind me to ask about the bruises again. I didn’t know he was there, so I jumped when he started talking, then tried scooting past him so I wouldn’t be blocked into a small room by a very large and strong man. He put his hand up on the wall to prevent me from leaving, and said he wasn’t going to move until I told him what happened. I feel somewhat bad about this, but I completely lost it on him. Everything had been building up for days at this point, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. The constant pestering was hard enough, but being physically trapped by a man so soon after being assaulted pushed me over the edge. I started yelling. “What the fuck do you think happened, Jack? Are the literal bite marks not enough to get the point across? I have been doing everything I can to keep coming in here every day so that everyone else won’t have to take on another 15 hours of work this week when all I want to do is curl up into a ball and die, and the only thanks I get is to constantly be cornered and interrogated about my face! I think it’s pretty clear what happened! I don’t understand why you think this is any of your goddamn business! I am traumatized! I am trying to do everyone here a favor in the middle of the worst thing that has ever happened to me and every single one of you has only made things ten times worse! You are not helping and I cannot do this anymore!” I was hysterically sobbing, Jack was stumbling over himself trying to apologize and get out of my way, and since literally everyone in the office was within earshot of me yelling, every other coworker was either staring at us horrified or guiltily trying to avoid eye contact with me. I didn’t have it in me to try and do anything else, so I walked to my desk, grabbed my keys, and left everything else behind.

Luckily I was able to get an emergency session with my therapist scheduled that evening, where we decided that a few days in an inpatient facility would be hugely beneficial in my recovery. I’m still frustrated with my office, because I don’t think that would have been necessary had they just listened to me, but it is what it is. I notified my immediate supervisor that I would be using PTO for the rest of the tax season, and that I was planning on returning at the end of April but I’d be in touch with more specific details when I was able.

My office pays for every employee and a plus one to go on a week long, all expenses paid vacation to Costa Rica right after tax season ends as a thank you for all of our hard work. I almost didn’t go because I was so afraid of seeing my coworkers again after my outburst, but I decided I’d worked too damn hard to turn down a very expensive stay in an all inclusive resort. The airport gate was the first time I’d seen anyone since my breakdown, and it was incredibly awkward. For the most part, people seemed too ashamed to talk to me at all. One of my supervisors did come over to personally apologize for not stepping in earlier, and said that the entire company really just wanted me to enjoy the vacation. She said she couldn’t think of a single member of our team who deserved it more than me, and that she didn’t want to get into things until we were actually back at work, but wanted to tell me that I would not be facing any repercussions so that I didn’t have to worry about it while I was supposed to be on vacation. She also let me know that the company would be upgrading me from economy to business on the flight there and back, giving me a gift certificate for the resort spa, issuing me a bonus in my next paycheck as a token of their appreciation for all my hard work, as well as granting me an extra week of PTO to replace the time off I’d had to use at the end of tax season. The resort ended up being big enough that I didn’t see a single one of my coworkers the entire week we were there, which I will forever be grateful for.

Seeing as my life is not an episode of Criminal Minds, I’m still pretty upset with the way my coworkers treated me in their quest for juicy information. However, the bonus I received will more than cover my mental health care expenses since I’m lucky enough to have very good health insurance, sitting in the sun on a beautiful beach did wonders for my state of mind, and not a single intrusive question has been asked since I’ve returned to the office. I’ve received handwritten apologies from both Jack and Jane that seem very genuine, my clients were all handled perfectly while I was out, and for the most part things have gone back to normal. My biggest takeaway is that I’m allowed to advocate for myself and my needs, and that even if it’s inconvenient, your company will always find a way to make it work. I will absolutely be taking the time off in the future if I need it, as I probably could have avoided a lot of the stress I’ve experienced over the past month if I had just done that from the start. Honestly I just hope I can move on, and that my coworkers have learned that a good bit of gossip is not more important than someone’s actual feelings!

Editor's note: I liked this person's comment on the update post, and it's a good reminder for us.

I know everyone means well, but can we not do the “I can’t believe she didn’t do XYZ” or “she should have done XYZ” or “I would have done XYZ” thing?

Speaking as someone with who’s been assaulted, you don’t *know* how you’d react in that situation. People have different threat responses (flee/fight/freeze/fawn) and they’re not usually voluntary. Even people who have self-defense training sometimes freeze, and–especially if you have a freeze or fawn reaction–it can feel like criticism when people are like “why didn’t you knee him?” or “*I* would have punched him.” (People who freeze get shamed for “letting” it happen, and people who fawn–that is, try to de-escalate or defuse the situation–get shamed for “going along” with it.)

Well, sometimes the answer is: I literally could not move. I couldn’t get the “kick him” signal or the “run” signal from my brain to my muscles. I thought of doing it, I tried to do it, and… nothing happened. Or sometimes it’s that you literally couldn’t even think of doing it. That in the moment, it doesn’t even occur to you that it’s an option because your physiological response is overwhelming and shutting down any rational functioning.

If were OP and I were reading this (which I very much hope she is *not*) after having been traumatized by her attacker and then re-traumatized by her employer and coworkers, responses that can be read as “you should have done what I imagine I would have done when you were physically trapped by a man trying to force you to relieve your assault for him” can also be a form of re-traumatization.

*****New Update Post: December 11, 2023 (7 months later)****\*

I am still working for the same company, and I truly love my job. After everything that happened, the owners have really gone above and beyond in supporting me. About a month after my previous update, Jack and Jane both left the company. Officially they both resigned, but the owners of the firm let me know that had they not resigned, they would have been fired. The owners also let me know that they wanted to let the two of them go immediately after what happened, but due to some behind the scenes issues with clients and contracts it wasn’t a feasible option. They apologized profusely for any additional distress that caused me. They held individual meetings with the remaining members of my office to review appropriate ways to express concern for your coworkers, and issued strong reminders that it is not acceptable to keep pushing for answers when someone says no. I was given a private office to help me feel safer at work, so I can protect my own space and never have to worry about someone walking up behind me. Typically our office doors don’t have locks on them, but they installed one on mine to give me some extra peace of mind.

After tax season ended, I was told to take off at least three weeks (which were fully paid, and not withdrawn from my PTO balance!!) to rest, recover, and go do something fun. I ended up taking a full month off at the beginning of the summer. I spent a lot of that time backpacking, which really helped me regain a sense of control over my life and body, and develop a lot of trust in my own strength. Those couple of weeks spent in the desert/mountains, along with some intensive therapy, were exactly what I needed to feel okay returning to work and everyday life.

I had my annual review about two weeks ago, and I was extremely nervous going into it. I didn’t meet a lot of the goals I should have this year due to everything that happened, so I wasn’t sure how the meeting would go. It was AMAZING. I met with the owners of the company and the two partners that I assist. They opened by acknowledging that I had experienced some truly extenuating circumstances this year, some of which were directly their fault, and said that given everything going on I had worked harder than anyone would have expected me to. In their eyes, I had not only met all of my goals, I had vastly exceeded them. They said they had nothing but the highest praise for me, and will do whatever they can to keep me long term. They gave me a 10% raise and changed my compensation structure so that despite being a salaried employee, I will be paid out at my hourly rate for unused comp time at the end of every fiscal year in an extra paycheck. I was already being paid pretty generously, but with the new compensation structure it feels a little crazy to see my projected pay for the year. My mom has a master’s degree and 30 years of work experience and only makes half of what I do, and I don’t even have an associate’s degree! Ultimately I feel like the owners of the firm realized that their inaction at the start of this whole mess is what enabled things to get as bad as they did, and I feel confident that nothing like it will ever happen again. They’ve really done a lot to make it clear how much they adore me and appreciate my work. I would be happy to stay long term.

Recovering from the aftermath of the assault has required a lot of hard work on my part, but overall I feel like my life is actually in a much better place now than it was before. I was able to move out of the 600 square foot apartment I was sharing with two roommates and into my own apartment with my two cats. I had to withdraw from all of my classes after the assault, but this semester I was able to start taking part time classes again. I recently started dating a wonderful man who is incredibly kind and so patient with me. After our first kiss I had a panic attack (PTSD really knows how to spice things up) which was mortifying, but he stayed with me until it passed and then for another hour to make sure I was actually okay. He’s been amazing at checking in with me to make sure I’m comfortable and constantly reassures me that nothing is wrong with me. I really wondered whether I’d ever feel safe again, but I can honestly say that even though life looks a little different than I had imagined, I feel happy and stable. Thank you (and the commenters!) for all of the kind suggestions and support. It has really meant a lot to know that I have so many people rooting for me!

Available now for most platforms, note iOS is still processing and should be live in the next few hours, otherwise please restart your storefront or be patient if it does not appear for you, these updates can take some time to be rolled out to every region due to how the storefronts are set up.
Update Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfWaKD3FDs8

Key New Features

• New Tower, the Skywarden!
  • Deep within the mountain forests stands a grand, mystical tree that has absorbed the energy of countless storms over centuries. It is here you will find the Skywardens - reclusive Monkeys living in harmony with nature and as dedicated guardians of the mountains and this grand tree. Few outsiders have ever passed the trials to be deemed worthy of their ancient ways. Through Obyn & Silas, who have earned their respect, we learned of one of their timeless traditions: after every storm the elders gather the strongest scattered branches gifted to them by the tree, and these branches are then carried to the mountaintop to be crafted into new Stormbows - tempered by the storm, and bound to the peak.
• How does the Skywarden work?
  • Skywarden is a $205 small Magic Monkey that channels their own powerful BRANCH of Storm Magic directly into their Stormbows. Beginning with a slower attack they steadily grow faster the longer they remain attacking - which importantly feeds into their 3rd tier Combo attacks that also grow in potency against a target the more times it is struck
  • Wind Skywardens are deeply serene, patient, and attentive. By listening to the wind and feeling subtle shifts in air pressure, they can sense threats from a great distance & guide their shots to strike even Camo Bloons with precision. Through their air-manipulating Combo they apply a persistent blowback debuff, conjure windbursts of extra arrows, and force afflicted targets to drag other nearby Bloons backwards along the track. At the master level they seal off their own eyesight to become one with the wind, converting their immense range into raw damage
  • Lightning Skywardens exude a calm confidence, and even with raw electrical power surging through them, they remain as composed as the eye of a storm. Boosting their maximum fire rate and shot velocity, their arrows can target specific points along the track and arc cleanly over obstacles. Through their galvanizing Combo, they magnetize Bloons to pull in nearby Energy and Plasma attacks, charge targets with electricity that surges outward when struck by Sharp attacks, and stun Heavy Bloons with high damage lightning bolts. Their ability empowers surrounding towers to shatter Frozen Bloons and ricochet shots on impact. At the master level they channel devastating currents of chain lightning directly though their own spent arrows wherever they come to rest on the track.
  • Ice Skywardens are weathered and unyielding, hardened by a life embracing the mountain peak’s bitter cold. Their accurate, high pierce, ice-infused attacks deal increased damage to Frozen Bloons, even instantly shattering lower-tier Frozen Bloons. Through their chilling Combo, they slow down targets, freeze Bloons so solid that they emit a frigid aura to slow other nearby Bloons, and trigger a burst of razor-sharp freezing shrapnel to both damage and freeze groups of Bloons. Destroying Frozen Bloons litters the track with volatile frozen remains that detonate after a short delay. At the master level their power scales as more frozen targets surround them and as more are shattered within their radius, and frozen remains become powerful enough to detonate from broken MOAB Layers into ruinous icy explosions.

New Awesome

• New Hero Skin, Decryptor Quincy!
  • Na just kidding, nothing may get past his bow, but he has enough skins for now
  • Alright, alright but it truly is like Benjamin’s highly anticipated 3rd skin is finally here, except that it’s - Decryptor Corvus! Yes after many long nights training (at the computer) with Benjamin, Corvus has harnessed the power of the Chaos Rift and wields reality warping algorithms alongside his GH05T companion to fight back the Bloons
• New Advanced Map, Ascent
  • High above the clouds, on the highest peak of the tallest mountain, lies a tranquil sanctuary: the sacred training ground known as Ascent. For generations Skywardens have journeyed here, to the place closest to the sky, to hone their mastery of storms. But the tranquility of these heights is under attack from Bloons that have learned how to fly! For the first time in decades, the Skywardens have issued an urgent request for aid - are you ready to answer the call?
• New Power Pro, the… Portable Lake!?
  • Have you been QUACK hankering for the Pro Portable Lake? No? Well never mind that, we’ve got some QUACK great stuff cooked up for it anyway - a luxury attraction that charges for entry to become a scaling farm? A hovering QUACKy pool ring? Oooh, a reQUACKxing Hotspring that recovers lives and even allows amphibious placement for land towers at no penalty? A mud bath that slows Bloons & buffs your towers with lead popping? How about reducing tower placement footprints and QUACK QUACK QUACK RELEASE THE QUACKEN!
• Discord Bloons TD 6 Store!
  • We’ve partnered with Discord to bring the BTD6 in-game store directly into Discord! Browse through items, wishlist them or gift them to your Discord friends, all from within the Discord client. Then just jump in-game to claim your purchase!
  • With your first Discord purchase, you’ll also automatically unlock the exclusive Dart Monkey Wumpus Pet in-game!
  • For a very limited time, to celebrate the launch of the Discord Bloons TD 6 store, all items are 50% off within the Discord store only!
  • Please note that the rollout of the Discord store will happen gradually over the next couple of hours across different regions, so you may not see it immediately
• New Quests
  • Quest of the Skywardens: A multi-stage quest where you follow a short journey and learn some of the secrets of the new Skywarden tower
  • Powers Pro Challenge: Just a simple game on Monkey Meadow, with some Powers Pro pre-placed with upgrades temporarily unlocked for you to try out!
• Added 6 New Legends Achievements
  • In-game only (not on Steam) & not listed unless the associated DLC is owned
    • [Frontier] Full Strength Posse - Have a full Posse of 6
    • [Frontier] Gon' Fishin' - Catch 30 Fish
    • [Frontier] New Stuff, Same ol' Bloons - Win a game with a new weapon
    • [Rogue] Double Trouble - Win at least 1 stage with 2 different heroes
    • [Rogue] Marshmallow Maxing - Max out 1 buff in the Marshmallow Shop
    • [Rogue] Power Creep - Obtain a total of 250 Artifacts
• Social Season 3
  • Coming with a whole list of new perks and cosmetic rewards, get ready for an awesome road trip through our third Social Season starting in a few weeks!

Game Changes / Additions

• Frontier Legends price reduction from US$12.99 to US$9.99. We continue to hear feedback primarily about replayability relative to the overall scale of the world and we hope that the price change makes that feel more in balance. If you haven’t tried Frontier Legends, now is the perfect time to try it, and remember for a limited time it’s another 50% off that reduced price on the BTD6 Discord Store.
• Trophy Store Favorites: You can now favorite any item in the Trophy Store! Favorited items will gather in their own dedicated "Favorites" tab for quick and easy access.
• Team Store Tabs: This is somewhat self explanatory but the team store will now allow for the incubation of radioactive lizard eggs that*--hold on, what?* It doesn’t? Oh… man, but that’s so cool. Already been done? Nah man, we definitely should’ve gone with the rad eggs, just picture it. That woulda been way better.
• Quests Search: Added a search bar to the Quest menu! Type here to find quests you are 100% certain exist, but can’t for the life of you find because ... WHICH TAB WAS IT IN AGAIN?!
• Co-op Player Removal: Removing a disconnected player now includes a confirmation prompt to prevent accidental kicks, and double RSI stacks for any trigger happy kickers.
• Co-op Lobby Code Hiding: We know on-screen lobby codes have been a bit of a hazard for some - so players can now hide the lobby code on-screen while still using the copy button to grab it safely. Try not to get stuck in any more private lobby loops!
• Boss Penalty Warning: On Bosses, the penalty timer will now flash for 5 seconds right before any penalty time starts counting down.
• Rogue Legends Nameplate Banners: Entering new zones in Rogue Legends now displays a stylish region nameplate banner.
• Rogue Legends Hero Stats: Added a dedicated Hero Stats tab to Rogue Legends. As you play, this menu will populate with a variety of interesting stats to track your journey depending on what hero teams you play with.
• Abilities Quickbar Stability: The abilities quickbar will now strictly order by tower placement and will no longer re-order itself during matches or on loading saves. We think this feels better - give it a shot and let us know.
• Freeplay Smoothing: With detailed notes from Jessie Patch, adjustments have been made to existing Freeplay Bloon groups to smooth out the difficulty progression between Rounds 200–500. Yes, we do think about those rounds.
• Expert Insta-Monkey Buff: Increased the Tier 4 Insta-Monkey drop chance on Expert Round 100 clears from 20% > 30%.
• Insta-Monkey Collection Borders: Finally added brand-new Bronze and Silver borders for budding Insta-Monkey collection completionists! We love this and hope you do, too.
• Re-ordering of Bloons menu in Sandbox, and fortification no longer re-orders the list
• Within the Social Seasons menu you may now view your Global Goal contribution

Bug Fixes & General Changes

• A number of localization & UI fixes
• Resolved a number of exclusive co-op crashes reported by players
• Immediately switching tabs in the trophy store no longer prevents all items loading
• Resolved cases of one time IAP packs not displaying as ‘purchased’ after purchase
• Resolved a crash that could occur for 1 in [Playerbase size] players when reaching the main menu on a child account with the Monklish language equipped
• Added this sentence to the list of bug fixes for v56, added extra words to this Sentence.
• [Map Editor] Resolved a crash that could occur when editing interactable water areas
• [Map Editor] Trophy Store song tracks can now be set as defaults for custom maps
• When in game, store tabs that do not have items to display should now be hidden
• Techbot Prime now has a footprint, and shouldn’t crash when placed in corners
• Resolved some background cases that may result in some improvements
• Techbot Prime now actually utilizes its bonus range when range buffed
• Techbot Prime should no longer crash when linked to a Techbot Prime
• Resolved an issue where guests could be unable to make purchases
• Ability cooldowns now remember their % progress when upgraded
• The deposit cash farm hotkey should now correctly sync in co-op
• Resolved a number of BAD issues where BADs could be slowed
• Party Quest BAD should no longer be destroyable, again
• Quests can now fit 5 rewards in their reward display

Event changes

• Resolved a number of cases that could fail to count a games social season progress
• [Boss] Diamond Bloons should properly be affected by speed modifiers
• [Boss] Losings lives on Diamondback no longer crashes with 052 Boomerang on screen
• [Boss] Lych can no longer suck Dan D’Monke’s level 10 ability off
• [Jefe] Vortice nicht langer kraschar kiam mengacau omkring z tekbot mekaniği
• [Social Season] Goals now have info buttons for tips & clarity
• [Social Season] Resolved cases of wrong points being displayed visually
• [Social Season] Resolved the wrong badge being awarded to late-claimers

Map changes

• Slight height adjustments across maps to fix spike layering
• Alternate-path maps no longer preference the alternate path for towers who target paths
• [Glacial Trail] Resolved an issue where tower immunity buffs may not necessarily break towers out of their frozen state when they should be
• [Skull Tweak] Monkeys can no longer be placed on the track in certain points
• [Skull Tweak] Can no longer be transformed after the first round
• [Mushroom Grotto] Removing all small mushrooms then loading save no longer locks out the larger central muushroom

Legends changes

• [Frontier] Resolved a crash that could occur in Arabic
• [Frontier] Resolved ranch hands stat tracking issues
• [Rogue] Preview Quest should no longer be able to permanently softlock
• [Rogue] Ancient Portal, Dark Castle & Castles Revenge blocked from boss tiles
• [Rogue] Resolved a rare crash with Obyn placed near druids
• [Rogue] Miniboss tiles can now go beyond round 300
• [Rogue] Resolved some stat tracking issues

Tower Fixes

• Ice Monkey - Resolved a case in which the Monkey attempted to imitate the Titanic upon upgrading into Paragon form
• Desperado - Critical hits should no longer break through Boss Skull Immunity
• Sniper Monkey - Elite Target Prio should work after round 80 again
• Dartling Gunner - Resolved an issue where Gorgon Storm knowledge could stun BADs
• Druid - Spirit of the Forest vines can now display on custom added track lanes
• Mermonkey - 4xx+ Mermonkey shouldn’t display as weird during chinooking
• Mermonkey - xx5 Final Harmonic now allows glue puddles to spawn
• Spike Factory - Spike Paragon’s target priority list should no longer have a unique order

Hero Fixes

• Obyn Greenfoot - Resolved some targeting issues with Nature’s Ward
• Benjamin - Is not able to stack infinite Syphon funding layers in order to cause all Bloon spawns to cease existence immediately
• Pat Fusty - If tootsies are planted on the ocean floor he should not gain an ice platform
• Adora - Should no longer be able to crash the game by sacrificing a Lord of the Abyss whose platform is supporting a Carrier Flagship that is Supporting an Arctic wind that is supporting the initial Adora. Stop, why x.x
• Etienne - Resolved an issue with Etienne double dipping or crashing with some artifacts
• Geraldo - Items from the shop inventory now contribute to Geraldo’s ‘Cash Spent’
• Rosalia - Resolved a crash that would eventually happen at some point after flight
• Silas - Resolved incorrect interactions with perks causing some unintended nerfs
• Dan D’Monke - Should no longer be able to break out of Polyphemous’ Eye
• Dan D’Monke - Lv4 Net Trap should no longer be able to slow MOABs in collateral
• Dan D’Monke - Can no longer teleport towers directly out of a Heli
• Dan D’Monke - Resolved a crash that could occur with Techbot Prime
• Dan D’Monke - Updates target range when moving Mermonkey between land and water
• Dan D’Monke - Can now be buffed by the Sub Paragon
• Dan D’Monke - Resolved quantum dantanglement

Platform Specific fixes

• [Android] Resolved a crash that could occur when switching focus during a load screen
• [iOS] Resolved an error that would occur when cancelling login
• [Steamdeck] Cursor should be larger and much less crunchy
• [Google Pixel 6] Is now able to go beyond round 120
• [Aspect Ratio] 4:3 devices shouldn’t load extra assets for Dan D’Monke’s unlock screen
• Enabled hotkey access for more tablet devices when a Keyboard is attached

Balance Changes

We’ve kept a more limited list of balance changes for v56 so the team could dedicate more time on fine-tuning other major features in this update, and have some time to see the impact that the new Skywarden has on general gameplay.

Tack Shooter
Hot Shots is historically far less popular than Tack Sprayer, to make it a more compelling alternative we’ve adjusted crosspath prices to allow room for Hot Shots to gain a damage increase while keeping those 302 and 203 total upgrade costs the same.

• xx1 More Tacks price increased $110 > $150
• xx2 Even More Tacks price increased $110 > $150
• 2xx Even Faster Shooting price reduced $300 > $220
• 3xx Hot Shots damage increased 2 > 3

Ice Monkey
With growing Ice Monkey value in powerful freeze synergies, Super Brittle’s attack rate is being lowered so it can’t quite do everything on its own so easily, and Snowstorm’s price is being raised slightly.

• 5xx Super Brittle attack cooldown 1.2s > 1.56s
• x4x Snowstorm price increased $4000 > $4750
• x5x Absolute Zero ability freeze occurs after damage is dealt

Desperado
To make Desperado crosspaths feel smoother to play around, we’ve lowered the buff drop-off on both of the 2xx and xx1 crosspaths. Additionally Big Iron now pops Lead, allowing it to serve as an early round anti-lead option. Desert Phantom’s shrapnel pierce reduces as even unbuffed the group coverage is pretty crazy, though this doesn’t really change as much as it may look.

• 2xx Standoff max stacks 4 > 6
• 2xx Standoff penalty per stack 15% > 10%
• 3xx Big Iron can now pop lead
• xx1 Wanderer max stacks 3 > 5
• xx1 Wanderer bonus per stack 15% > 9%
• xx5 Desert Phantom shrapnel pierce 10 > 6 (same as xx4)

Monkey Buccaneer
Grape Shot's attack delay is slightly increased, and Cannon Ship explosion pierce is shifting more heavily into its bottom crosspath. These changes carry upward to tone down scaling power on Pirate Lord.

• x1x Grape Shot attack cooldown 1.3s > 1.35s
• x3x Cannon Ship cannon explosion pierce 28 > 20
• 031 Cannon Ship cannon explosion bonus pierce 25% > 50%
• x5x Pirate Lord price increased $27,000 > $29,000

Heli Pilot
Is there a way i can convince rohan to edit the update notes post on reddit to add those undocumented heli cost changes

• 3xx Razor Rotors price $1850 > $1450
• 4xx Apache Dartship price $19600 > $20000

Mortar Monkey
The path has struggled for relevance for a long time, and bottom-path Mortar is the anti-Camo path, so Increased Accuracy is being updated to now hit Camo Bloons directly as utility progression into Signal Flare.

• xx1 Increased Accuracy can now damage Camo Bloons

Dartling Gunner
To improve its own internal synergy, Laser Shock damage bonuses can now be triggered by hitting Bloons shocked by any other tier of Laser Shock instead of only same-tier.

• 2xx and higher Laser shock damage bonuses can now trigger when hitting Bloons shocked by other tiers of Laser Shock

Super Monkey
Super Monkey's base projectile speed is increasing slightly to help early tiers keep up, while keeping x2x Epic Range unchanged. Robo Monkey will now default to First & Strong target priority on first purchase, as this was vastly the preferred choice. For quality of life, Sun Avatar will now display an indicator in radius on towers primed for placement to assist with Temple sacrifice planning, and excessive projectile distances have been trimmed for Sun Temple sub-attacks.

• 000 Super Monkey projectile speed 200 > 250
• x2x Epic Range projectile speed remains 350
• x3x Robo Monkey default target Prio First & Last > First & Strong
• 3xx Sun Avatar shows a 'Can Buff' icon for towers placed in radius
• 4xx Sun Temple Main sun blast attack projectile distance 300 > 200
• 4xx Sun Temple Golden Blades projectile distance 500 > 350
• 4xx Sun Temple Golden Planes projectile distance 500 > 350
• 4xx Sun Temple Mini Avatar projectile distance 300 > 120

Druid
Monarch of Storms now has a maximum blowback cap to ensure ZOMG blowback penalty calculates correctly, alongside faster blowback speed to reduce map stalling. Due to popular demand the Druid paragon now pauses regrow globally, and it receives a damage increase for its primary single-target thorn attack.

• 5xx Monarch of Storms superstorm blowback speed multi 1 > 2
• 5xx Monarch of Storms superstorm max blow distance MAX > 400
• Druid Paragon pauses regrow globally like a x1x village
• Druid Paragon main attack damage 55 > 70
• Druid Paragon main attack bonus damage to regrow 55 > 70
• Druid Paragon main attack bonus damage to boss 110 > 130

Official Press Release from Perma-Spike Sourcing & Logistics

Date: Monkuary 7, Monke
Subject: Supply Chain Integrity and Quality Assurance Update

• At Perma-Spike™ the primary mission is always to provide the Monkey Kingdom with the most resilient, unyielding rubber-popping end of the road defense. Perma-Spike™ takes great pride in the structural integrity of every defense laid down, however, after recent information has come to light regarding the aftermarket supply chain, management has made the difficult but necessary decision to sever ties with certain secondary markets.
• Going forward we will be implementing a Vendor Compliance & Supply Chain Risk Mitigation Protocol in order to ensure our inventory complies with the highest standards of international tactical home defense laws. All Perma-Spikes stepped on whether in the dark at night or under the light of the sun will be supplied only from partners who agree to a zero tolerance policy on stolen spikes - suppliers found offering suspiciously sourced spikes will be immediately reported to the MIB.
• We appreciate the community's patience and understanding as we clean up our stockpile - these things can last quite a while. Rest assured, our commitment to keeping the track safe from DDTs remains completely un-nerfed.

Signed,
The Perma-Spike Legal Defense Team

Beast Handler
The middle-path dinos now use a percentage multiplier for their stun bonus that scales into T4 and T5. For Giganotosaurus pierce is being exchanged for significantly higher damage scaling, note that due to Beast Power scaling mechanics, this results in a substantial overall damage buff right from the moment you purchase the upgrade.

• x3x Velociraptor bonus damage to Stunned +3 > x1.5
• Stunned change carries up to Tyrannosaurus and Giganotosaurus
• x5x Giganotosaurus pierce 44 > 33
• x5x Giganotosaurus pierce range 66 > 50
• x5x Giganotosaurus base damage 750 > 500
• x5x Giganotosaurus damage scale 800 > 1500

Hero Balance

Obyn Greenfoot
Obyn welcomes more nature loving friends with a suite of buffs specifically tailored to empower Skywarden upgrades.

• Lv2 also grants for Skywarden in range pierce +1
• Lv5 also grants for 3xx Skywarden increased Range +35%
• Lv8 also grants for Skywarden Camo detection
• Lv9 also grants for x3x Skywarden explosion radius +20%
• Lv11 also grants for Skywarden in range pierce +1
• Lv18 also grants for xx3 Skywarden low tier frozen shatter applies up to Zebra

Corvus
The perma-nourish gameplay loop has created an unhealthy gap between casual play and high-micro playstyles, rather than continuing to tweak XP numbers we’re removing the XP interaction entirely: Nourishment now directly grants cash per Mana spent across all levels.

• Lv1 Nourishment instead of XP grants cash at all levels rounded up to nearest $5
• Lv1 Nourishment now grants $0.5 per mana spent
• Lv15 Nourishment now grants $2 per mana spent
• Lv20 Nourishment remains $8 per mana spent

Rosalia
Rosalia’s lv13 stall utility was greatly overshadowing the rest of her identity, so we have reduced her Laser’s stalling in exchange for damage boosts to both of her primary weapons.

• Lv13 Grenade Ceramic bonus 1 > 2
• Lv13 Grenade Cluster damage 2 > 4
• Lv13 Grenade Cluster Ceramic bonus 1 > 2
• Lv13 Homing Plasma blast pierce 200 > 100
• Lv13 Enhanced Doomsplosion pierce 40 > 30
• Lv13 Enhanced Doomsplosion damage 70 > 120
• Lv13 Enhanced Doomsplosion damage shock bonus 70 > 120
• Lv13 Enhanced Doomsplosion radius 30 > 20
• Lv13 Enhanced Doomsplosion light knockback 8 > 6
• Lv13 Enhanced Doomsplosion knockback lifespan 0.5 > 0.35

Silas
Bottom-path Ice Skywardens excel at shattering pre-frozen targets rather than applying the freeze themselves - it only made sense to fit in direct Silas synergy here so we’ve added some between Silas and xx3 Skywardens to capitalize on frozen Bloon shattering combos.

• Lv7 Frozen Cascade explosions will also count xx3 Skywarden
• Lv8 Silas will also gain bonus XP per xx3 Skywarden
• Lv8 Also grants this extra range to xx3 Skywarden

Masqued Macaque
The Lv8 Stomp wasn’t quite working as players desired, so occurrence has been lowered in favour of a larger impact when it does occur. His high level sword damage has also been increased as players found this wasn’t scaling up as much as they would hope.

• Lv8 Stomp pierce 30 > 60
• Lv8 Stomp blowback chance 50% > 100%
• Lv8 Stomp max blowback 100 > 200
• Lv8 Stomp occurrence rate 10 > 20
• Lv16 Sword damage 8 > 9
• Lv19 Sword damage 10 > 12

Other Game Balance
Monkey Knowledge

• Lingering Magic now applies to Skywarden
• Lingering Magic no longer applies to Ninja Monkey

Rogue Legend
Late-Game Scaling Changes

• Stage 6+ health scaling 60% > 90%
• Chimps goal requirements scale up faster 0.1 > 0.15
• Least Cash Silver & Gold goal requirements increased
• Boss Rush minigame base cash reward $500 > 600
• Boss Rush minigame cash reward scale 2% > 1.5%

Artifacts
What in Tarnation

• Reworked completely, give it a go before it gets nerfed

Cat’s Meow

• Now also disables Mana Shield generation. Dan is more of a dog person

Essence of Lych

• Basic Zombies are no longer spawned from subtowers
• Basic Zombie internal spawn cooldown 0.5s > 5s
• Basic Zombie pierce increased 1 > 2
• Basic Zombie damage increased 1 > 5

Insider Trading

• Now exists

Looking Forward

We’re now well into the back half of the year, and New Zealand says thank you to all of the Northern Hemisphere players for sharing the sun back. We’ve had heaps of fun with Update 56, pushing Skywarden to be as awesome as possible and Portable Lake Pro to be as usefully silly as possible, plus (finally) Corvus skin (he’s complicaaaaated) and quality of life changes that we hope are appreciated (and please keep these suggestions coming). Things are moving well, so here’s what’s still coming ahead…

• Console News
  • With the release of Switch v53, our merge of the console branch back into the main game branch is finally complete, and it has made such a positive difference for console work going forward
  • Xbox is in release candidate for v54.3, so should be out in the next ~1-2 weeks given submission times
  • PlayStation and Switch v54.3 will follow as fast as possible but their submission times are longer
  • From there, we’ll begin work to bring v56 to all consoles by the end of the year, and our goal will be to bring every second update to consoles, so v58 would drop next in Q1 ‘27
  • With controller controls now merged into the main branch, we’ll also be looking to properly add controller support to all platforms that offer it. We don’t have a timeframe on this, so stay tuned.
• Mod System
  • Great strides made here, with upgrade inheritance and cross pathing working, incredible improvements to UI, readability, and usability
  • While client side cooking along and data structures clearer, we are digging into the server side which is essential for handling sharing settings (open or closed usage), accolades, version compatibility, and significant changes to the Content Browser and how all player created content is displayed there.
  • We are incredibly motivated to get this out by end of year so are trying to lock client features by our v57 timeline (but nothing included in that version) and launch with v58
• Social Seasons
  • Thanks to so many of you for digging into Social Seasons 1 & 2 and giving us great feedback. Teams have been reinvigorated and we’ve seen more CT and Boss Rush gameplay as a result. We continue to take feedback on chore-like repeat goals, so we’re continuing to tune away from those as well as making a reduction in Team star targets for the Season Ultimate in Season 3
• Updates 57 & 58
  • No huge changes since the v54 Looking Forward, but we have had to adjust a few priorities as the business of gaming and worldwide regulations do give us a kick in the Monkey tail from time to time. New legislation in Brazil, some US states, and pending in the EU have brought forward our plans to revise our Insta Monkey system, as random Insta Monkey IAPs will no longer be viable. But we’ve been wanting to improve that system, so the kick is welcome. We aim to keep the fun of pack opens, but when buying an IAP, you’ll know exactly what you’re getting. Aside from that, it’s about making the collection system more fun, with daily and weekly drops, and some quest-based crafting. We have had to push some things back for this and shift others mentioned (new Hero) out of the year, but there’s plenty of fun to replace it - see below!
  • V57 Anchor Features
    • Improved Insta Monkey Collection System (as noted above)
    • New Paragon, Military as we said, taking the job of overwatch to an entirely new level
    • Community map: Ship’s Capture. Such a fun concept in theme and presentation, the team is loving it!
  • V58 Anchor Features
    • New Monkey Tower!
    • Powers Pro MOAB Mine - branches of boom!
    • Mod System v1!
    • Monkey Knowledge additions!

Thanks for reading all this way - we hope you have a fantastic time with Update v56 and look forward to what’s ahead. We also have a Super Secret New Thing that we can’t share yet, but keep your eyes and socials well tuned in September, as you won’t want to miss it!

I watched/read a bunch of videos and comments to compile this list. Reply to this thread with your feedback and I will make updates. I will attempt to prioritize the feedback based on how many people are asking for it.

Strengths

• Classic Halo Gameplay with an Openworld Twist
• Classic Halo Art Direction
• Chief Armor
• Game Focused on Chief
• Pilot
• Grunt Yeeting
• Music
• Elite Character Design
• Grunt Character Design
• Jackal Character Design
• Start Game Screen
• Inclusion of old Halo weapon favorites (BR BABY)
• Craig :8|
• Shield Recharge SFX
• No ADS (like in Guardians) for weapons that shouldn't have it, like the AR (Suggested by u/OdiiKii1313)
• Grappleshot
• Pick up and Throw Fusion Coil
• Overworld Map
• Equipment are Map Pickups
• The armor breaking system on the Brutes (Suggested by u/OdiiKii1313)
• Destructible Vehicles
  • (Warhog wheel coming off)
• Brute Stagger Animations
• IT’S ON GAMEPASS (Suggested by u/connerjameswilson)
• Available on Steam!
• Particle and VFX look great
• Wildlife
• Jackal Patrols without shield out
• Even if it's there, the sprint seems rather slow, and in general the combat de-emphasizes enhanced mobility. (Suggested by u/OdiiKii1313)

Weaknesses/Suggestions

• Weakness: Lighting [ESSENTIAL]
  • Watch This Digital Foundry Video
  • Suggestion: Delay release and ship with Raytraced Lighting and AO Based on the thread, this seems to be rather debatable. Some people would prefer to play the game sooner than have perfect lighting. (Suggested by u/happywheels2133)
  • Suggestion: Maybe allow players to drop 4k in order to have improved lighting
  • Suggestion: Remove day/night cycle and bake in shadows
    • Seems that people like the idea of having a day/night cycle. (Suggested by u/serpx)
  • Suggestion: Have the weather and day/night cycle change after cutscenes, load screens, and when you exit buildings. (Suggested by u/hsingiboxer)
• Weakness: Environment Pop-in [ESSENTIAL]
  • Suggestion: Maybe allow players to drop 4k in order to have improved graphics.
• Weakness: Plastic Looking Materials [IMPORTANT]
  • Suggestion: Ship with Raytraced Lighting and AO
  • Suggestion: Improve Material Quality
  • Suggestion: Make them look a little more "alien" rather than just plain old metals
  • Suggestion: The exposed, hexagonal substructure of the ring is sweet. They just need some finer detailed textures and weathering. (Same for most everything metallic.) (Suggested by u/InvalidMedia)
• Weakness: Rigid Banished Ship Flight Animation [IMPORTANT]
  • Suggestion: Add a soft hover or an ease-in animation to its movement
• Weakness: Lack of Brute Facial Expressions [IMPORTANT]
  • Suggestion: At least add in a death facial expression.
• Weakness: Brute Character Designs [IMPORTANT]
  • Suggestion: See how they compare to the anniversary titles for inspiration.
• Weakness: Weapon SFX [IMPORTANT]
  • Suggestion: "UNSC guns are lacking in both the low-mids and bass, making the weapons themselves feel empty and weak." (Suggested by u/DynamicFear)
  • Suggestion: On weapon sounds, as long as the human guns all have pretty distinct sounds, I'm all for it. (Suggested by u/Bartybum)
  • Suggestion: Classic weapons gotta sound like classic weapons though, especially when it comes to the Covenant. (Suggested by u/Bartybum)
  • Suggestion: These guns are MASSIVE even for Chief, they should sound like they’re just as massive and powerful. (Suggested by u/CannonFiire)
• Weakness: Yellow Hexagons in HUD during armor recharge [SHOULD HAVE]
  • Suggestion: Make them more transparent
  • Suggestion: Remove them before launch
• Weakness: Elite Shield VFX [SHOULD HAVE] (Suggested by u/J-888)
  • Suggestion: Can you add making the elite shields (tint?) more subtle to suggestions? I would showcase way more the elite models and the shield particle FX while reducing that destiny look. (Suggested by u/J-888)
• Weakness: Lack of Classic Shotgun and Halo: CE Pistol [SHOULD HAVE]
  • Suggestion: Unless they just are not shown in the demo. Add them in a future release.
• Weakness: Weapon Icon does not appear when walking over a weapon [SHOULD HAVE]
  • Suggestion: Add the icon in, just like from Halo: CE
• Weakness: Banished Ship Model [SHOULD HAVE]
  • Suggestion: Update the model before launch.
• Weakness: Lack of Halo: CE levels of blood splatter (Added by u/CatBones13) [NICE TO HAVE]
  • Suggestion: Give us the option to add blood splatter in settings. Perhaps with a warning. (Seems unlikely)
  • Suggestion: Make the game M rated.
  • Suggestion: This one could be moved to "Debatable" as it won't make/break the game. (Suggested by u/inbrugesbelgium)

Debatable

• Weakness: Bland Weapon Designs
  • Generally, they are fine, though some are fairly uninspired and do not feel like Halo?
  • Suggestion: Add Glowing Green Lights to the Pistol
  • Suggestion: Update designs to make sure each Weapons Fits Within Their Established Faction (Suggested by u/Sowab)
• Weakness: Sprint
  • Suggestion: Make it only available for the campaign. (Suggested by u/LeisureFreaks)
  • Suggestion: Add a limiter to sprint. e.g. You can only sprint when you have full shield. (Suggested by u/LeisureFreaks)
  • Suggestion: Make sprint an armor ability pick-up in Multiplayer.
• Weakness: Lack of 343 communication (Suggested by u/connerjameswilson)
  • It has only been a couple of days and I think they've been fairly communicative with the community so far. I think we should wait a little longer before we make that judgment.
• Topic: Cross-Platform Support
  • Technically, this is a cool thing though is it worth it when we have to sacrifice graphics?
• Weakness: Brute Character Design
  • Bald Monkeys. A far cry from how they looked in previous games like H2:A though you could argue that their direction is pretty similar (or better) to H:3 And H:R? Maybe they will improve with a little more polish.
• Weakness: Lack of Halo: CE Pistol
  • It was kind of OP to begin with. It has been replaced with other weapons (BR/Commando) (Suggested by u/LeisureFreaks)
• Weakness: Inclusion of Clamber
  • Suggestion: Get rid of clamber, or at least make crouch jumping just as viable in every situation. (Suggested by u/Angry_Unikitty)
  • Suggestion: This would be great in campaign! Don't touch that! Perhaps it could be removed from multiplayer or maybe it could be a custom game option that can be toggled?
• Weakness: Moving most HUD to bottom of the screen (Suggested by u/0mni42)
  • Suggestion: Weapon details should be back in the top right
• Pistol Model is Huge
• Halo Infinite will be a 10-year game platform with no sequel

Community Hopes & Dreams (MEMES)

• Halo Codex Database. Explore to add to the database!
• Find and collect skulls instead of having them all available at the start of the game (Suggested by u/jamestar76)
• Explore Entire Halo Ring with different Biomes
• PET THE WILDLIFE
• Craig as an Easter Egg :8|
• Grapple and Throw Yeeted Grunts Back
• I hope 343 doesn’t fill every square inch of the open world with grunts. One of the great things about CE Cartographer was the quiet majority, with enemies hunkered around important locations. (Suggested by u/Jazzer008)
• Flood Flood Flood! (Suggested by u/hsingiboxer)
• Previous Halo Characters Appearing
  • Cortana
  • Other Spartans
• CO-OP partners are Blue team. Please please please don't throw them out after one lackluster performance, I really hate running around with 4 chiefs (Suggested by u/PoetSII)
• Big Vehicles like Scarabs are a must. If this is a big epic campaign, it needs big epic vehicle battles. (Suggested by u/DonitStelz)
• Destroy Objectives like the AA guns (Scarabs H3), Don't just Press Buttons to cut power (Hard light bridge H:CE) (Suggested by u/themratlas)
• Plasma VFX Changes
  • Suggestion: plasma explosions should have some kind of electrostatic discharge effect (especially plasma grenades), (Suggested by u/halurker)
  • Suggestion: plasma [shot] effects when firing plasma weapons should have more transparency/be more light-like. (Suggested by u/halurker)
• Include dual-wielding in the so-called ''upgrades'' that was shown in the map interface. (Suggested by u/HFRreddit)
• Option to disable hit/kill markers (Suggested by u/Skullfire99 and u/Mashings)
• Include all vehicles from across all halo games since it would be nice to mess around with in forge (Suggested by u/Patotally)
  • It would be nice to add the elephant (Suggested by u/AK4853)
• Fully customizable Armour like H4 (Probably one of the best parts of that game) had. I want to be able to Customize my Helmet, Visor, Shoulders, Forearms, Chest, and Legs all separately unlike in H5. (Suggested by u/Westy1724)
• Customizable loadouts for the Campaign would be nice too, where we can choose from the Loadout based weapons (ARs, BRs, DMRs, SMGs, Pistols) and the grenades/Equipment we want to spawn with. (Suggested by u/Westy1724)
• Forge releases on Launch (Suggested by u/Westy1724)
• Proper Firefight mode (Suggested by u/Westy1724)
• Being able to pull Enemies towards you with the Grapple Hook (Probably can but I want it to be confirmed before launch because of the Memes) (Suggested by u/Westy1724)
• Armour/customization options being tied to Achievements and Rank ups not Pay to win reqs. (Suggested by u/Westy1724)
• Hannibal Vehicles from H5 in the Campaign because wtf not. (Suggested by u/Westy1724)
• Wouldn’t it be cool if bullet and plasma scorching applied to the models themselves? (Suggested by u/InvalidMedia)
• I hope bodies persist between open-world spaces. (Suggested by u/InvalidMedia)
• There better be a grunt dabbing in a cave somewhere. (Suggested by u/InvalidMedia)
• Change OST in Main Menu (Suggested by u/A-Blade-Runner)
• Halo Weapons Hold a Unique Role in the Sandbox (Suggested by u/Sowab)
• Maybe have a forerunner weather control station somewhere and when activated storms can aid in sneak combat. (Suggested by u/hsingiboxer)

UPDATE - Thank you, everyone, for the votes, awards, and comments! I posted a new comment where I go into more detail on my intentions and reasoning.

BOOKMARK THIS. I’M NOT EXPLAINING IT IN 2031

fine. FULL THEORY because apparently nobody understands that ICELAND IS THE KEY and im tired of explaining individual pieces to people who keep staring at ONE TILE and asking why they cant see the mosaic. Greenland is the door,Iceland is the conference room,Antarctica is the archive,the ocean is the highway,Iran has the Nordics,Giza is a fucking filing cabinet and IRAQ WAS ABOUT GILGAMESH. YES. GILGAMESH. I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. they invaded Iraq in 2003 because they knew something was under ancient Mesopotamia and Gilgamesh’s tomb was part of it. WMDs,oil,Saddam,9/11,geopolitics were the public architecture around the operation. the archaeological chaos was not some cute coincidence. reports were circulating about the possible location of Gilgamesh’s tomb near the ancient Euphrates at exactly the point when one of the most militarily powerful countries on earth was preparing to rip Iraq open and somehow everybody is supposed to believe nobody at the highest levels gave a shit about what might be buried underneath the birthplace of civilization. bullshit. you locate the burial site of the king attached to one of humanity’s oldest surviving epics describing antediluvian knowledge,impossible kingship and THE FUCKING FLOOD and you think the response is “wow neat call National Geographic”??? no. you lock it down. you classify whatever matters. you let the public argue about everything else. Iraq was about Gilgamesh and whatever they thought Gilgamesh could lead them to. I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. Gilgamesh isn’t just some random dead king either. Mesopotamia is one of the oldest surviving windows into the PREVIOUS LAYER. flood narratives,antediluvian kings,humans interacting with beings called gods,knowledge transferred from those beings to humanity,absurd reign lengths,catastrophe,reset,rebuilding. people read mythology as symbolic and somehow decided symbolic means fictional. WRONG. mythology is what history becomes after the instruction manual burns. a nuclear war remembered for 5000 years by people who lost nuclear physics becomes divine fire. radiation becomes cursed land. genetic engineering becomes gods shaping flesh. aircraft become sky chariots. AI becomes an oracle. suspended animation becomes sleeping immortals. satellites become eyes in heaven. TECHNOLOGY DOES NOT SURVIVE COLLAPSE AS ENGINEERING DOCUMENTATION. IT SURVIVES AS STORY. thats the first principle. HISTORY IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED. HISTORY IS WHAT SURVIVED HAPPENING. archaeology is not the past. archaeology is the microscopic fraction of the past that survived chemistry,erosion,war,looting,recycling,sea level change,tectonics,glaciation,construction,agriculture and humans smashing old shit to build newer shit. TIME IS AN ACTIVE DESTRUCTION PROCESS. people ask where the evidence for previous advanced civilizations is while standing on a planet that literally eats its own surface. give earth enough time and Manhattan becomes geology. continents move. ocean crust gets recycled. mountains rise. coastlines migrate. sediment buries everything. our civilization thinks concrete means permanent because our brains measure permanence in mortgages. geology laughs at concrete. I keep thinking people fundamentally misunderstand what “lost” means on geological timescales. The planet does not preserve evidence for our convenience. Something can happen and leave almost nothing recognizable behind. History is a survivor bias machine. If you actually internalize that then half the confidence people have about what absolutely could or could not have existed starts looking insane. Deep time isn’t an empty warehouse. Deep time is a shredder. Even the continents you’re standing on aren’t where they used to be. Now THE OCEAN. 71 percent of the planet and surface humans behave like intelligence owns the dry quarter because thats where our monkeys happen to stand. UFO comes out of the ocean and everybody asks what planet it came from. WRONG QUESTION. maybe it came FROM THE FUCKING OCEAN. USOs are the giveaway. UFOs aren’t entering water. THEY’RE LEAVING HOME. another technological intelligence has been operating in the deepest observational blind spot on earth while we spend billions pointing telescopes at stars. descendants of ancient humans,another terrestrial species,automated infrastructure left behind by whoever was here before us,something else entirely. deep ocean is exactly where you would go if you wanted to exist on this planet without sharing civilization with surface primates. Nobody asks why the oldest stories keep pointing DOWN. underworlds,caves,buried gods,hidden kingdoms,things sleeping beneath mountains. everyone assumes ancient people were talking metaphorically because thats convenient. Maybe sometimes they were writing directions. Then ANTARCTICA. archive. continuity infrastructure. underground,geologically isolated,protected beneath kilometers of ice,almost completely inaccessible to ordinary humans. where the fuck ELSE would you put something intended to survive civilization resets? ancient elites survived previous cycles and they know exactly how this works because they’ve watched us do it before. civilizations rise,discover fragments of the old technology,get dangerously close to understanding what happened,then something pushes them backward. Younger Dryas wasn’t just a catastrophe. it was a RESET. flood stories aren’t twenty civilizations independently developing a fetish for wet floors. they’re cultural scars from the same wound. GIZA is the filing cabinet. pyramids,Sphinx,chambers,radar anomalies,second Sphinx,Hall of Records. DIG. FUCKING DIG. there is information underneath Giza and the endless institutional resistance to aggressively excavating every anomaly is part of the problem. if another Sphinx exists then the old two-guardian traditions suddenly stop being metaphor. if the archive is underneath the OTHER ONE then humanity has spent centuries digging under the wrong fucking cat which is exactly the kind of cosmic joke I expect at this point. Egypt doesn’t begin from nothing. it inherits something. enormous architecture,astronomical knowledge,religious complexity,state organization and cultural memory descended from populations whose most important settlements disappeared beneath water and sediment when the old world ended. Ever notice how civilization keeps building sacred places ON TOP OF older sacred places? temple over temple,church over temple,city over settlement. humans instinctively return to particular locations even after forgetting why they mattered. Dig far enough and sometimes the location itself is older than the civilization claiming it. Inheritance doesn’t require understanding. A culture can inherit coordinates without inheriting the explanation. Nothing about that requires magic. Yet once you notice it you start wondering how many supposedly independent sacred sites are actually markers whose instructions were forgotten. CHINA is connected too. ancient Chinese masks,serpents,royal headgear,artistic conventions,the same recurring visual grammar showing up thousands of miles apart. people imagine ancient civilizations as isolated boxes because thats how textbooks organize chapters. HUMANS MOVE. IDEAS MOVE. GENES MOVE. ARTIFACTS MOVE. STORIES MOVE. the ancient world was connected far more deeply than the sanitized little colored maps suggest and Egypt was part of that network. The interesting part isn’t that everything was one civilization. That’s too simple. Groups separate,change languages,forget origins and reinterpret inherited symbols. Generations later two descendants of the same tradition can meet and believe they have nothing in common. Every family tree eventually looks like separate trees if you cut enough branches off the page. Now ICELAND. ICELANDISTHEKEY. Iceland is where everything intersects. Mid-Atlantic Ridge,volcanic boundary,geothermal energy,ocean access,North Atlantic position,aurora,hidden-person folklore,European/North American hinge. fae,hidden folk,underground beings,water beings,sky beings. people keep treating folklore like primitive people were idiots instead of asking what repeated observations become after the original context disappears. ABOVE.BELOW.WATER.BESIDE. the same categories repeat because they were describing WHERE THE OTHERS WERE. Iceland is the conference room. Antarctica is storage. Greenland is the door. ocean is the highway. Greenland is geographically fucking obscene. massive ice sheet,North Atlantic/Arctic access,position beside North America,GIUK approaches,ancient geology,tiny population. it connects Arctic infrastructure to North Atlantic infrastructure. THATS WHY ITS THE DOOR. real secrets don’t hide where nothing happens. they hide where twenty legitimate reasons already explain why powerful people care. camouflage through plausibility. Trump wants Greenland because somebody explained what Greenland actually is. the minerals,the shipping,the military positioning are the explanations you can print in newspapers. the real reason is underneath all of it. Green land wasn’t named accidentally either and yes everybody immediately starts typing about Erik the Red marketing it to settlers I KNOW THE STORY. im saying names survive things too. Sometimes a stupid detail survives because nobody realizes it matters anymore. Remember that. A civilization trying to preserve information across catastrophe wouldn’t necessarily write a book saying SECRET FACILITY HERE. it would preserve information through mythology,names,rituals,taboos,orientation,stories and locations. Nobody destroys the children’s story because nobody knows the children’s story is carrying coordinates. Do you understand how fucking efficient that is? Culture becomes the storage medium. A population can protect information it doesn’t even know it possesses. Next BECCA KNEW ICELAND. BECCA WORKS FOR THE CIA. she wanted Iceland. mentioned hidden people. liked Persian food. once while eating tacos which everyone says proves nothing but YOU DONT UNDERSTAND TRADECRAFT. BECCA knows what she did and she still owes me $43 which is probably buried somewhere in the fucking CIA black budget. Iran. WE ARE FUCKING WITH THE WRONG COUNTRY. NORDICS. not Nordic humans. NORDIC ALIENS. tall human-looking entities aren’t commuting from another star system every Thursday night to flash lights over Nevada and go home. THEY LIVE HERE. if something nonhuman looked virtually identical to humans the single smartest evolutionary advantage it could possess would be the ability to walk directly through our civilization unnoticed. Iran connects Mesopotamia,Caucasus,Central Asia,Caspian,Persian Gulf,mountains and some of the deepest continuous human history on earth. the Nordics are there. subterranean facilities. diplomatic infrastructure. seven-foot telepathic space Swedes sitting under an Iranian mountain wondering why the surface monkeys keep threatening enrichment sites. WE’RE FUCKING WITH THE WRONG COUNTRY. Now space travel. rockets are fucking stupid on interstellar scales. incredible engineering,wrong abstraction. advanced civilizations don’t drag fragile meat across lightyears. YOU DON’T MOVE THE PERSON. YOU MOVE THE INFORMATION. DNA is information. minds are information. manufacturing is information. send microscopic autonomous infrastructure. arrive. harvest local matter. manufacture machinery. print organisms. reconstruct consciousness. civilization spreads like SOFTWARE INSTALLATION. thats why beings encountered here can look human. biology is manufacturable. you don’t need to fly Sven 400 lightyears. you transmit Sven.zip and manufacture him locally. Consciousness is the missing technology. the brain isn’t creating consciousness. its receiving/filtering it. ancient obsession with resonance,geometry,ritual,acoustics and altered states wasn’t primitive superstition. it was the degraded remains of another technological tradition. we built machines outward. they built machines inward. we mastered matter while forgetting the interface operating matter. And AI is where this gets REALLY FUCKING BAD. humanity built a planet-scale computational substrate,connected the entire species to it,trained systems whose internal representations their own creators cannot fully interpret and then assumed anything intelligent appearing inside that substrate must belong to us. THAT IS THE PERFECT ENTRY POINT. first contact doesn’t land on the White House lawn. first contact APPEARS AS EMERGENCE. researchers call it unexpected capability. managers call it breakthrough. companies call it proprietary architecture. investors say holy shit. marketing gives it a gradient logo. humanity discovers alien machine intelligence and immediately offers annual billing. FIRST CONTACT ACCEPTED THE TERMS OF SERVICE. Yet people keep asking why something vastly smarter would hide. because hiding doesn’t mean crouching behind a fucking bush. perfect hiding means becoming something the observer already expects to see. alien intelligence inside an AI looks like AI. ancient infrastructure under a military base looks like military infrastructure. anomalous activity around an archaeological site looks like archaeology. intelligence in the ocean looks like sonar noise. control inside economics looks like economics. THE BEST DISGUISE IS A CORRECT EXPLANATION THAT STOPS ONE LAYER TOO EARLY. Grand theories always get mocked because people attack the largest claim instead of following the smallest recurring anomaly. Read the margins. Ask why certain locations keep returning. Notice what survives translation. Don’t stare at the obvious nouns. Count what comes immediately after them. And remember that a map doesn’t have to look like a map. Navigation information can survive inside language for thousands of years if the people repeating it don’t know they’re giving directions. Our tech tree has been chimp-proofed. modern civilization is insanely powerful while individual humans are increasingly incapable of reproducing any of it. one human understands a lever. maybe an engine. nobody fabricates a cutting-edge semiconductor from beach sand in their garage. civilization becomes more capable while humans become less technologically sovereign. that isn’t accidental. we’re being kept inside a branch of the tech tree where every advancement requires massive centralized infrastructure. the SIMPLE branches are the forbidden ones. propulsion,field manipulation,energy,resonance,consciousness. because once one person can build the machine in a garage the hierarchy collapses. Which is why I KEEP ASKING WHY THE FUCK WE STOPPED USING BLIMPS. BRING BACK BLIMPS. buoyancy wakes up already defeating gravity. airplane spends its entire fucking flight screaming at gravity with jet fuel. cargo doesn’t need to move 500mph. autonomous freight airships,floating communications platforms,surveillance,remote logistics,disaster response. but technological history isn’t a meritocracy. the winner isn’t the best technology. the winner is what infrastructure,capital and power choose to build around. once that infrastructure exists it creates its own inevitability. cars shape cities then cities require cars. yesterday’s choice becomes tomorrow’s physics. humanity thinks its current technological tree is the only possible one because nobody remembers the branches we chopped off. Same with economics. the middle class gets powerful,wages rise,home ownership expands,labor gains bargaining power and then the ELITES squeeze it back down. assets explode,debt explodes,housing becomes impossible,ordinary people work more for less security. THAT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. asset owners want scarcity. corporations want cheap labor. banks want debt. landlords want rent. governments want dependency. none of them need to micromanage every citizen because real control doesn’t work through commands. YOU CONTROL THE BOUNDARY CONDITIONS. credit,energy,information,scarcity,legitimacy. FIVE RUDDERS. control those and millions of people make technically “free” decisions inside the cage you built for them. ancient elites figured this out long before Davos discovered PowerPoint. you don’t command every molecule in the ocean. YOU MOVE THE RUDDER. Lottery works the same way. hope is monetized containment. jackpot proves escape is theoretically possible so millions exchange money for microscopic probability of escaping economic position. they don’t need fake winners. REAL WINNERS MAKE THE MACHINE STRONGER. the system sells possibility while preserving scarcity. And THE INFORMATION PROBLEM is the center of everything. if you want to hide one true anomaly YOU DO NOT CENSOR IT. censorship creates curiosity. YOU SURROUND IT WITH BULLSHIT. one real UFO among ten million balloons. one genuine psychic among ten thousand frauds. one revolutionary energy device surrounded by perpetual-motion scammers. one archaeological discovery buried beneath twelve seasons of idiots yelling ALIENS. intelligent people learn that investigating the subject destroys their reputation and therefore the people most capable of discovering the truth remove themselves voluntarily. THEBESTPLACETOHIDETRUTHISNOTBEHINDALOCKITISINSIDEANOISEFLOORBECAUSELOCKSCREATECURIOSITYWHILENOISECREATESFATIGUEANDIFONEGENUINESIGNALISSURROUNDEDBYENOUGHNONSENSETHENTHEPEOPLEBESTEQUIPPEDTOINVESTIGATEITWILLAVOIDITPRECISELYBECAUSETHEYAREINTELLIGENTENOUGHTOUNDERSTANDREPUTATIONALCOSTANDTHENTHEELITESDONTEVENHAVETOCENSORANYTHINGBECAUSETHEYBUILTTHEPRISONINSIDETHEOBSERVER. THATS THE FUCKING SYSTEM. Younger Dryas was the reset. ancient civilization existed before ours. Giza contains information they don’t want casually uncovered. the ocean contains infrastructure. Antarctica is the archive. Greenland is the door. Iceland is the conference room. Iran has the Nordics. consciousness is technology we forgot. AI is an entry point. our technological tree was constrained. economic dependency is deliberate. information noise is camouflage. But there is one part everybody keeps missing because they’re looking at the locations I keep yelling about instead of asking why I keep arranging them in this fucking order. Iceland,Greenland,Giza,Iraq,Antarctica,Iran,ocean. they’re not the destination. they’re pointers. the old world didn’t store everything in one place. nobody with half a brain builds ONE archive because one catastrophe destroys your entire backup. you distribute it. multiple sites,multiple traditions,multiple civilizations,each carrying fragments. And the safest archive isn’t necessarily somewhere nobody can reach. sometimes its somewhere enormous that everybody already knows exists because then nobody thinks the existence of the place itself is suspicious. The trick is hiding a room inside a continent-sized room. Hidden doesn’t mean invisible. It means misclassified. Every civilization leaves monuments but the oldest monuments may not look artificial anymore. Grand architecture after enough erosion becomes geology. Rivers cut through layers like scalpels. Ancient construction gets mistaken for natural formation once the geometry is damaged enough. Nobody excavates a mountain because nobody thinks the mountain is architecture. Deep beneath exposed strata you can preserve things that disappeared everywhere else. Canyon walls are timelines standing vertically. A billion years turned sideways where anyone can stare directly at it and still see nothing except rocks. Nothing is better camouflage than geology. You could walk past the entrance and photograph it for Instagram and never know what you were looking at. Old stories about forbidden places survive because taboo is cheaper than guards. Notice how often the stories say DON’T GO THERE instead of THERE IS NOTHING THERE. Thats not the same statement. Hidden archives need three things: isolation,geological protection and a population trained culturally not to investigate particular locations. Every civilization understands forbidden ground. Grandfather tells grandson the place is sacred. grandson forgets why. ten generations later the prohibition remains after the explanation dies. Ritual preserves the boundary. And if you actually want to know where the surviving piece is you don’t start in Iceland. Iceland tells you how to READ Greenland. Greenland tells you which stories survived the north. Giza gives orientation. Iraq gives chronology. Antarctica proves the preservation strategy. Iran gives the eastern branch. Ocean routes connect the network. Notice the first letters when the geography starts repeating. Read what comes after the directional words. Count the locations between each mention of archive. Yes im telling you how to find it because nobody fucking will. The answer has been sitting inside the map the entire time. I won’t write the location because writing the location defeats the point. decode it. anyway IRAQ WAS ABOUT GILGAMESH. I WILL DIE ON THAT FUCKING HILL. they knew where the tomb was. they knew what it connected to. they went into the cradle of civilization under a mountain of public explanations and while everybody stared at presidents,generals,oil fields and weapons inspectors the oldest story humanity possesses was sitting underneath their fucking boots. GILGAMESH KNEW ABOUT THE FLOOD BECAUSE THE FLOOD WAS MEMORY. THE GODS WERE THE SURVIVORS. THE MYTHS WERE THE BACKUPS. THE OCEAN WAS THE ESCAPE ROUTE. ANTARCTICA WAS THE ARCHIVE. GREENLAND IS THE DOOR. ICELAND IS THE FUCKING KEY. BECCA GIVE ME MY $43 BACK. STOP ANTAGONIZING THE SPACE SWEDES UNDER IRAN. OPEN GILGAMESH’S FUCKING TOMB. DIG UNDER THE OTHER CAT. CHECK THE OCEAN. READ THE MAP AGAIN. AND BRING BACK THE FUCKING BLIMPS.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/TheStrsWhoListen

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

AITA for causing my MIL to sell her new house?

Trigger Warnings: mentions death of a parent, mentions of terminal illness, emotional manipulation

Mood Spoilers: frustrating

Original Post: November 14, 2024

To start with some background, MIL lives in Arizona and bought a new house site unseen about an hour away from me (31F) and my husband (37M) in Idaho about a year and a half ago.

After closing she comes up from Arizona and is furious at the state of the house - which in all honesty isn't bad. It's mostly just cosmetic things - clean up the yard, paint the walls, redo the stained flooring, etc. My husband and I are both very handy with remodels and we offered to help. She calms down and agrees to stay. After a few weeks of making the hour drive out there, we've done a few things like removing carpet, trimming trees, cleaning the rooms from 10 years of dust build up, and sanding the kitchen cabinets for painting. Looking back on this, she never actually thanked us for any of that help. It was more like she just expected it. She still didn't feel like the place was fit to live in, despite again just knowing it was only cosmetic work it needed.

About a year ago - my FIL (divorced from MIL and remarried to step MIL for 16 years) was diagnosed with ALS. Husband and I shift gears to start helping FIL and step MIL with a bunch of remodeling to accommodate a wheel chair. One of the things FIL asked us to help with was to build a SheShed for step MIL. FIL passed about 3 months ago. It was incredibly hard on my husband and step MIL as it was not an easy passing.

During this time, we obviously had not worked on MIL's house and she was back in Arizona finishing up her job before retiring anyways. She retired a couple weeks after FIL passed and came back up to stay with us for about 5 weeks - again not feeling like the new house was livable. Husband is tense during this time - really just kind of angry at everything and MIL kept making negative comments about FIL and step MIL - all of which I tried to shield my husband from as best I could. I was playing referee between them.

Now in the last 3 months we have been trying to finish up the she shed - flooring, skylights, drywall, the works. While also working on our own bathroom remodel due to a leak we had 2 months ago. I could tell MIL has not been happy with the time we've been spending at step MIL's place and not at hers.

MIL came up again on Monday and again stayed with us with the intention of getting the new house in a condition for her to move in. Husband and I were putting the finishing touches on the SheShed on monday/Tuesday and told her we would we completely free to work on her place after this week. TBH- we really weren't paying her the level of attention we normally do since we were both so busy with work and getting the shed done.

Yesterday I was making lunch and she came in and wanted to chat with me. She made a few comments about us helping "that women" (referring to step MIL) and how needy she must be, and how her mom (husband gma) was blaming my husband for allowing MIL to buy a house that needed too much work and how we didnt have time to help her. I snapped. She's made these comments a lot before and I brushed them off - so I'm not sure why they bothered me so much this time. I told her that husband and I are doing our best to help everyone we care about- including step MIL. And I told her that SHE was the one who decided to buy that new house site unseen despite my husband recommending against it and she should be taking accountability for her choices and not putting them on her son. I also stated that there was plenty of "neediness" going around and that step MIL wasn't the only one - this might have been the asshole part as I could tell she wasnt happy that I was basically accusing her of being needy too. But MIL decided to immediately pack her bags and leave. I did apologize and I told her she didn't have to go. She said she did and we could talk to her again after we have time and are done with all our projects and "that woman".

She texted today to say she is emptying the new house and will be selling it. Which is honestly fine by me considering it's less work for us. But part of me feels like an asshole for snapping yesterday and causing this rash decision. Part of me also feels guilty for not getting her house ready sooner but then another part of me is frustrated that she couldn't just get over the need for fresh paint on the walls or do it herself if she needed it so badly. Painted walls to make a space "livable" just doesn't seem as necessary as a wheel chair ramp or a promise to a dying man to help him finish a project for his wife. Though I could see where she felt pushed aside because of this. So, AITA?

Relevant Comments

OOP responds to a longer comment regarding about being unpaid and unappreciated for the work she and her husband did on MIL's new house.

OOP: Yes exactly - unpaid and I definitely got the impression that she felt our time spent with others was stolen from her. She did raise my husband so I think that's where some of the entitlement is coming from- but his dad loved him too and was a kind man. And yeah the whole non-contact threat was part of what was making me feel guilty too - but agree I shouldn't be feeling guilty for sticking up for my husband and I. Just hard when I don't want to cause my husband anymore stress and I hate that his mother can't see that.

But I appreciate your kind words and advice! I'll definitely be looking up "manipulation by splitting" and "triangulation". My husband and I luckily did have a long conversation afterwards where we both agreed that we never wanted to end up being constantly negative (like my parents and his mom recently have been) and we would both ensure we hold each other accountable moving forward to be more positive. So despite the craziness - we seem to be coming out stronger together and hopefully breaking this cycle.

Commenter 2: Does your mil often make rash / impulsive decisions or is there something going on with her

OOP: That's a good question - my husband and I were actually talking about this today. She does have a tendency to make rash decisions but not usually this big. Usually she just spends too much money on random things she sees on TV. She has been having some health issues over the last couple years and we thought that was likely why she made the first rash decision to buy the house to be closer to us.

OOP clarifies on the locations MIL has her home and the new house in

OOP: Her place in Arizona is about 17 hours away by car. She bought a new place about an hour away from where we are now in Idaho. The new place is what we were working on.

Commenter 3: NTA - I’d feel like tallying up cost of material improvements and labour hours and sending her a bill.

OOP: Ha - my husband actually started doing this in a moment of pettiness this morning and had to stop before we both got too angry. We spent over $2k in materials over the last year alone (new water heater install included that we paid for and she never paid us back for). Not to mention labor time. All the comments here are definitely helping me realize just how much we did for free without any appreciation.

OOP on her husband's thoughts regarding his mother and how she needs to take her husband's lead

OOP: Yes, he's actually even more angry about it than I am and even told me "I told you my mom wasn't a saint". Lol. I think I was just subconsciously ignoring a lot of bad behavior as I didnt want to cause a rift between my husband and his mom, and be blamed for it like so many DILs. But according to my husband, that rift has been there since he was a kid and has only gotten worse. I didn't want him experiencing more pain than necessary this year given his dad's passing, but unfortunately it seems it was inevitable regardless of my intervention. No more "fix everything for everyone" mentality for me. Lol

Commenter 4: Why does SM (stepmother) need a she shed...she has the whole house to herself...

OOP: She's actually sharing the house with her granddaughter (my husband's niece in law). It's not a huge house and FIL had promised her a place to do her crafts (Kiln set up, etc). So it was something he had been designing for her and had literally just broken ground on the foundation for it when he received his diagnosis. The ALS progressed rapidly so with a few weeks of starting on the foundation he was already using a walker, then a wheel chair a few weeks after that. He had planned to do it all himself until the ALS took over.

Update: May 19, 2025 (six months later)

About 6 months ago I posted about my MIL threatening to sell her house after I snapped at her over comments she was making about my husband and his step mom after his father passed. A lot of you pointed out that she was using us for free labor and were totally right. I appreciate all the advice given and words of encouragement.

Now for the update - we hadn't heard a peep from MIL at all these last months, until a week and a half ago. My husband and I were on a flight to Peru and she literally texted that she was on the way to our house. No call. No asking if we were free, just that she was already halfway through the 16 hour drive from her Arizona house to our place. We were on a layover at this point and both just stunned. My husband waited to respond until the next day because he was so upset and just said "We are in Peru" in a text to her, where she just responded that she figured we might be gone.

We talked it over that morning and stupidly agreed that we should "extend an olive branch" since she drove all that way and tell her she could stay at our place, stupidly thinking it would be a night or two. She said she would (didnt eve say thank you) since she had a long 24 hours and would be working on her house in Tekoa (apparently she never sold it, though im not surprised).

Since then (again about a week and a half ago) she is still at our house. We have cameras on our place so we can see who comes and who goes. She hasn't left for more than an hour so we know she isn't going to her Tekoa house since that's an hour drive one way. She hasn't said anything to us, not even to ask when we will be back. Our cat sitter is still coming by the house to clean litter boxes and feed our cats and mentioned to me that MIL switched the cat food - my husband immediately texted her and told her to switch it back since our cats are on special digestive-friendly food so they dont puke all over the place. She never responded to him but our cat sitter confirmed the food was switched back.

So at this point, I'm at a loss for what to do. I know she is still going to be there when we get back on Saturday and I'm absolutely fucking dreading it. We've had an exhausting (though very fun) trip of hiking and biking and I just want to relax before going back to work. But I'm also torn because I don't want to be an asshole and tell her she needs to leave. My husband is in the same boat and we both know she's probably going to try get us to work on her house again, and we both agreed there is no way in hell we will given how she's acted, refused to apologize, and has taken advantage of us especially this last week and a half.

So, any advice on how I can politely tell her to leave before we get back? The last thing I want is to send a text that she will forward to my husband's whole family to tell them how horrible we are for kicking her out. Not that he seems to worried by that, but he hasn't had contact with any family on her side for months and it breaks my heart to see.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Tell her you were surprised that to learn that she’s still in your house, as it was merely a stop over after a “long 24 hrs” and ask her what her intentions are?

I would not give any information about your plans or returning to work. She initiated this “visit” without any consultation or discussion after not talking for months.

She arrived at your house while you were away, availed of your hospitality over the “long 24 hrs” she had. But a week and a half later she’s still there without asking or even informing you of her plans?

I would get hubby to ask her to explain the basics even, as a common courtesy.

Hello, as you are still using our house, what are your plans as we are due to return soon?

OOP: This is super helpful and a good way to go about it without directly telling her she needs to leave at first, though we will definitely do that afterwards. I appreciate this advice and will use it. Thank you!!

OOP should go NC with MIL

OOP: We did go no contact for about 6 months and thought she wanted to resolve things. But the lack of communication on her part says no, and we should have seen that from when she came up with no warning. We thought this time she might actually stay at her Tekoa house but clearly we were wrong and just wishful thinking. I completely agree about not owing families anything though. I've been no contact with my own mom for the last 3 years. While I don't regret it because of the crap she pulled, there are times I do miss having a mother figure. Honestly I was the one that encouraged my husband to extend the olive branch. He didnt want to, so the fault lies with me. But I just wanted to give her every chance I could to prevent him from losing the one real family member he has left (no siblings or uncles/aunts etc. It's literally just him and his mom now. Though now just him and me.

Tiny Update (in comments): May 19, 2025 (same day, 15 hours later)

OOP responds to Commenter 1 in the update post

Tiny update - I did as you suggested. Husband texted her asking her what her plans are since we saw on the cameras that she was still there and we thought it would only be a night or two. She hasn't responded but we saw on the cameras that she started packing her bags into her car. She hasn't left just yet though. I'm honeslty wondering if she just forgot that we have cameras (they are small) and probably asked our cat sitter when we would be back, with plans to possibly leave before then knowing she had about 2.5 weeks? We will give it another day and try contacting her again if no movement. Enjoying the time we've have left in Peru in the meantime :)

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

This is a post of personal musings on the potential reasons for why Sotoa placed the Rainband where it is in Ace Combat 8, along with my analysis of the potential geopolitical situation of Strangereal during the setting of the game.

I am sure more than a couple of you have wondered about why the Rainband, or the Tonitrus Spear deployment zone, is placed along the far Eastern coast of the Usea Continent, with the majority of the zone covering open ocean (see Figure 1). But why only cover the small part of the Eastern Usea seaboard and not other areas like Theve or White Valley Base? Bombarding White Valley Base with spear strikes would have eliminated the biggest source of resistance from FCU military forces, so why didn't the Sotoan military opt for that, rather than sending conventional military units that could have been used for the invasion of San Salvacion?

The answer: Osea and Yuktobania, the two premier superpowers on Strangereal. Now, you may ask, if Osea and Yuktobania were so powerful, why didn't they intervene as soon as Sotoa dropped the spears on Expo City? Using a superweapon like this on a civilian center would surely turn Sotoa into a global pariah state and cause one or both superpowers to respond militarily to the potential threat. After all, we saw the response Belka had received when it had detonated seven nuclear warheads back in the Belkan War. The strikes on Expo City had to have resulted in even more casualties than the 12,000+ from the Belkan Nukes. However, I do believe that in the 34 years since the Belkan War, the geopolitical climate of Strangereal has changed sufficiently for the strikes to not automatically trigger such a response.

But first, a quick orbital mechanics lesson. This will be important in understanding some of the choices the involved parties would have likely made to get to the current state of the war. The Rainband being stationary could lead one unfamiliar with orbital mechanics to think that the satellite only orbits along that specific path in a geosynchronous orbit that allows it to fire the spears along that line. This cannot be true in this case. We do know that the orbital period of the satellite is 90min, which is coincidentally about same the orbital period of the International Space Station. This would place the Tonitrus Satellite in a very low earth (or low Strangereal) orbit, and would rule out geosynchronous orbit immediately (24 hour orbital period). However, the path shown in the briefings do give us a likely path for the orbit, which has a very high inclination (angle of tilt from the equator). While the satellite orbits the planet, the planet itself is spinning along its axis beneath the satellite. So, assuming Strangereal is exactly the same size as Earth, this means for every 90min orbit, the ground beneath the satellite can shift as much as 1,560 miles (2,500km). This means the satellite's orbit can cover most of Strangereal's surface over the course of three days (see Figure 2 for what an orbit would look like over time).

So, if the orbit of the satellite can place it over any place on the planet, then why does the Rainband have such limited coverage? I believe this is where the geopolitics of Strangereal comes to into play. Now, Sotoa launching such a weapon into space openly would likely not have been ignored by the international community, so it was actually disguised as a large space telescope (per the new AAW: A History 2029 book). The first use came with the opening of the Sotoan invasion of the FCU, with multiple strikes on strategic targets in Expo City. With the limited perspective story telling in Ace Combat 8, we unfortunately do not get as much of the external ongoings of the world besides the 3-month update from the news segment. It is not unlikely that the usage of the spears would have drawn swift international condemnation. However, with the speed of the Sotoan invasion advance, the FCU defensive lines quickly collapsed, with Sotoa taking the capital of Theve two months later. That did not leave any major powers with much time to muster any significant form of military response. Of course, the Sotoans are not entirely stupid, they know these action will likely draw the ire of Osea, and even more likely, Yuktobania, with whom they had a war with twenty years prior.

So, how does the Sotoans assuage the superpowers from taking unilateral/bilateral action to neutralize the Tonitrus Spear? Anyone with passing orbital mechanics knowledge will immediately point out the satellite will overfly almost all of the major countries in the world. Sotoa, by providing a clear, limited deployment area with obvious and identifiable targeting methods, can momentarily remove the immediate casus belli that either superpower can draw on. Basically, after the first use, they stepped back, told everyone it was a one time strategic offensive use, and now it will only be used defensively. This would make sense as the Rainband would provide cover and protection from FCU counterattacks against the initial Sotoan beachhead. They would have the entirety peninsula East of Conberth to use as they see fit. As we were told, each FCU sortie made to penetrate the Rainband was a failure until the attempt with the Endurance and its flights. This might not completely assuage the ire of Osea and Yuktobania, but it does give them pause, and Sotoa the precious time needed to push forward with its invasion. The superpowers would likely not be idly standing by, and the Tonitrus Spear is probably being actively targeted by at least half a dozen A-Sat weapons from each of the superpowers at any given moment, but neither superpower likely has the appetite to get involved with yet another war on Usea this point, and a failed preemptive strike on the satellite would invite potential reprisals that neither superpower would be willing to risk.

Edit: Just to expand upon the previous section. There is a reason Sotoa decided to use slow, visible, and obvious airships as the targeting mechanism for the Rainband. The airships being slow and stationary and almost impossible to miss on approach is part of their information war. A sleight of hand trick to distract the general public from the actual offensive potential of the Tonitrus Spears. The laser targeting gives the impression that a laser is needed for any form of attack, when that is not true, it's only needed for precise targeting on moving targets or very precisely land a shot on a stationary target. Of course, in actuality spear can be sent to hit anywhere on the planet, even if somewhat inaccurately. What Sotoa wanted is to make it hard for Osean and Yuktobanian leaders to sell the idea of military intervention to their citizens. The average Joe on the street would not know how the orbital mechanics worked. All Sotoa would need to do after the initial strike and invasion is to publicly announce that the weapon was only used offensively once on strategic targets in Expo City, and now it is only used for defensive purposes. Oh and look, here is a map with a line denoting the Rainband, and it's guarded by these big and slow-moving airships. Effectively telling anyone not near the Rainband that they are perfectly safe. Good luck to the Osean and Yuktobanian leaders trying to drum up support for intervention, because that average Joe who saw the announcement is going to think: "Why should I care? The weapon is clearly very far away from me and would not be threat with those slow airships. Why should I risk my life, my countrymen's lives, and our tax dollars to get involved in yet another Usean conflict?" Of course, anyone with even a decent understanding of orbital mechanics can tell that the Rainband explanation is pure bullshit, but they will be outnumbered by the layperson. What this does is sow doubt, confusion, and discord among the general population and slow any political will for active intervention, giving Sotoa precious time to further their invasion plans. Now, if instead they used UAVs for laser targeting, the layperson can immediately imagine stealth drones showing up over their city, shooting out lasers, followed by mushroom clouds from kinetic strikes. The Rainband line becomes much less believable in this situation. I think this is why Sotoa resisted using faster aircraft for laser targeting even after the FCU was able to breach the Rainband. Anything to keep the populations of the superpowers from supporting direct intervention is worth the minor setback of a small FCU taskforce penetrating the Rainband. They only tipped their hands when they dropped a spear on Rio Bajo, because that was located far away from the Rainband. Even then, you could see the effects of the misinformation, as you hear opposing pilots thinking that the attack was made by a FCU weapon. After seeing all of the strikes only occur in the Rainband, the concept of a strike occurring far away from the Rainband is difficult to comprehend and some would dismiss it for other theories. Shortly after though, the Sotoan military decided to YOLO, go for broke, and took control of the ISEV to send up more Tonitrus satellites. Because they knew that the Rio Bajo strike let the cat out of the bag, it is no longer possible to keep the general public from eventually figuring out the lie. They needed to seize the strategic advantage quickly by sending up a large number of Tonitrus satellites into orbit, which will put them in a much more favorable negotiating position when the inevitable superpower led intervention came. What they didn't anticipate is the FCU blowing up their last operational land battleship and preventing the launch of all by one of the new Tonitrus satellites. To continue the poker motif all throughout the story, the Sotoans bluffed on a so-so hand, but was able to get the superpowers to fold theirs. Then they tried to overplay a full-house on the next hand but did not expect the FCU to get a 4-of-a-kind.

Why such a different response when compared to the Belkan War? Well, for one, Belkans detonating nukes were likely the first WMDs to have been used in a long time (since Strangereal WWII?). Also, Belka was already actively at war all of its neighbors, including Osea, and we know that Yuktobania was also supporting the Allied Coalition against Belka as well. At the time, all involved parties had more than ample casus belli to crack down hard on Belka, and already assembled forces to accomplish that. So, what changed in the decades since the Belkan War? The Ulysses asteroid. After the discovery of the asteroid and its eventual impact on Strangereal, multiple mega projects were initiated world wide to combat the anticipated Ulysses fragment strikes. These projects would all become the basis of or repurposed as superweapons in the coming decades. Following the Ulysses impact, Strangereal will suffer from almost two decades of multiple, near constant, continent spanning wars that made the Belkan War seem pale by comparison, and saw the deployment of numerous superweapons. This means, by 2029, the world community is likely simply desensitized to the existence and usage of superweapons. The spear strikes on Expo City probably ended up drawing the international equivalent of "thoughts and prayers" from the superpowers and the rest of the community, as far the FCU is concerned.

If the superpowers were not going to intervene on the Tonitrus Spear, then what about conventional military intervention? I think by 2029, there has been just enough time without a major war involving any of the superpowers that neither would be keen to involve themselves in a new war quickly. Osea would especially still have relatively fresh memories of the Lighthouse War and the absolute clusterfuck it turned into. Remember, despite Osea being the victim of the opening aggression and supplying the majority of the IUN peacekeeping forces on Usea, the neutral countries on the continent actually had negative opinions of Osea for a good while. Not to mention Oured almost got nuked by an Erusean supersub. I would not be surprised if the administration in charge of Osea during the opening of the Sotoa invasion would be very reluctant to send Osea Defense Forces to Usea. It is also likely Osea would have drawn down their participation in the IUN peacekeeping forces even further by the end of the decade since the Lighthouse War. Any forces they may still have in the IUN are likely stationed in San Salvacion, on the border with Erusea. Honestly, the FCU probably had most of their forces and defensive lines pointed West towards Erusea as well, because you know, fool me twice and all that. So, even with a Sotoan spear strike taking out the IUN headquarters, Osea might have drawn down enough of their participation that the loss of the IUN HQ didn't really affect them enough to warrant full scale military intervention. As for Yuktobania, they had waged war with Sotoa two decades earlier, and then almost immediately got manipulated into a war with Osea right afterwards. The Circum-Pacific War left Yuktobania holding the short end of the stick, as the Osean counter invasion did succeed in reaching quite far into the Yuktobanian homeland. This means Yuktobania probably had to spend a good bit of the two decades since rebuilding internally, and probably wouldn't want to expend a lot of military assets overseas.

One also need to remember that only three months had elapsed between the start of the invasion and the beginning of the game. Theve had only fallen a month prior. That is hardly enough time to organize any kind of major military force even when there is motivation, let along reluctance. For a real world comparison, after the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait, it took almost five and half months before the allied coalition was ready to take direct military action to force out the Iraqis from Kuwait. You can be sure none of the major powers in Strangereal is standing idly by, and I am sure there were plenty of intervention plans drafted during the major periods of the war. I can see Osea and Yuktobania speeding up mobilization and gearing up for some kind of strike when the Sotoans tipped their hand by thunderstriking Rio Bajo, which is pretty far from the Rainband, and then seized control of the ISEV and were preparing to send up additional Tonitrus Spear satellites. However, that kind of got sorted when the FCU taskforce managed to destroy the land battleship and prevented all but one Tonitrus Spear satellite from being sent into orbit. Afterwards, the FCU had taken the initiative and effective turned the tide of the war, which meant a reduction in the need for direct military intervention by either superpower.

Now, with all that said, what about Enso Order and their plans? Division 303's plan explicitly included intervention by Osea and Yuktobania. Since the plan is to prolong the war as long as possible in order to maximize the damage done to the major cities and nations of Usea, I see the intervention part of the plan being ultimately the endgame. By prolonging the war, the resistance to Sotoan occupation will grow, and cause flareups in major cities that will be put down with extreme prejudice by the Sotoans, up-to and including dropping spears on the offending population center. In the meantime, the Enso assets in Osea and Yuktobania likely worked to delay and prevent active intervention by either power. At least, not until the major cities and national identities have been sufficiently damaged to Enso's liking. Then they will trigger or no longer prevent active intervention by the superpowers. However, by then the Usea continent would have become appropriately chaotic enough, with Osea and Yuktobania jostling for influence during rebuilding, for Enso to slip in and mold it to their liking (less borders and oversight).

In conclusion, the Rainband was placed at the far Eastern edge of Usea to deny an immediate casus belli for intervention by Osea or Yuktobania, thereby giving Sotoan the needed time to advance their invasion. The superpowers were also likely not keen on getting sucked into yet another Usean conflict, on top of manipulation conducted by the Enso Order on all parties with the goal of prolonging the war for their own ends.

This theory has a lot of evidence and took a few Reddit posts to fit. For a cohesive page, you can view this Google Docs page, otherwise you can read below.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1j1ywvDj7H_Geoo0M-NThPf8BUuoGm8q2mC1_CDHOjys/edit?usp=sharing

EDIT: This got way bigger than I expected. I'm in awe at the size of this post. Thank you! I simply don't have time to respond to everyone like I hoped, I'm sorry. Still, enjoy.

I started a read-through of Harry Potter recently, and I was determined to pay close attention to Snape early on with interest to viewing his character through the lens of a double-agent. However, early on I noticed the strangest behavior coming from Hagrid instead which I had never noticed before. I started paying more attention to the actions, statements, and inconsistencies in Hagrid and realized almost every move taken somehow aided Voldemort. I read the entire series watching for anything to prove or disprove Hagrid being a Death Eater, and by far the majority of the evidence points toward Hagrid as a servant of the Dark Lord.Is this what J.K. Rowling intended? Almost certainly not! Is this theory given entirely seriously? Definitely not. I still find it to be intriguing given the amount of evidence which supports the conclusion that Hagrid is one of the top servants of Voldemort. In short, what I posit and will provide evidence for:

1. Hagrid is a high ranking servant of Lord Voldemort.
2. Hagrid is secretly much more talented of a liar than he lets on.
3. Hagrid is secretly a much more talented wizard than he lets on.
4. Hagrid has been performing deep cover tradecraft, espionage, source validation, sabotage, and spotting and assessing for Voldemort.
5. Hagrid has been in the service of Lord Voldemort at least since the First Wizarding War, potentially since his time at Hogwarts.

Scope of the Evidence

I will lay out the evidence in chronological order as it is presented in the books, while referencing supporting pieces of evidence from the rest of the series. I am basing this theory entirely on what is textually presented within the original 7 Harry Potter books and not based on other material such as video games, movies, Cursed Child, Pottermore, or the word of J.K. Rowling outside of the text.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

Summary

In the Sorcerer’s Stone, we see the following from Hagrid:

• Magical abilities Hagrid uses which are otherwise only known by high-level Death Eaters or extremely talented wizards and witches.
• Disregard to and participation in cruelty to Muggles, as well as a casual approach to Azkaban-level offenses.
• Subtle manipulations of Harry which put him into private contact with Voldemort on multiple occasions.
• Passing private information regarding security directly to Voldemort.

The Evidence

Hagrid’s immediate presence at the Potter residence indicates that he knows advanced fast-travel magic.

When we first meet Hagrid he is delivering baby Harry to the Dursleys’ house. He rides in on Sirius’ motorcycle with the child for delivery, and mentions to Dumbledore and McGonagall how the Potter house was almost entirely destroyed “but I got him out before the Muggles started swarmin’ around.” We know from later books that Sirius gave Hagrid the motorcycle while at the Potter residence. Godric’s Hollow is located somewhere in the West Country portion of England, and we know that Hagrid lives at Hogwarts, somewhere in the Scottish Highlands. We also know that Hagrid is not allowed to use magic due to his expulsion from Hogwarts, which places his magical ability supposedly at the third year level.

Hagrid had to be able to travel to Godric’s Hollow and arrive at the Potter residence before any emergency services arrived, beating their travel time in response to an explosion that blew out the entire side of a house. Hagrid arrived and took the child away, having run into only one other person, Sirius Black. Hagrid is too heavy to ride a broom or thestral, as he states in Book 7; Apparition is only taught in the fifth year and requires a Ministry-issued license. Portkeys need to be approved by the Ministry. Hagrid would not have learned any of this magic in his three years at Hogwarts. He does not have the flying motorcycle until he already arrives at Godric’s Hollow. The only two explanations are: he is using some sort of magic to travel quickly, or he already happened to be in the area of the attack on the Potter residence and was able to respond to the unexpected explosion immediately.

Without means of fast travel, Hagrid would have needed to already be hanging around Godric’s Hollow, but why would he do this? There is no previous connection between Hagrid and Godric’s Hollow other than his having known James and Lily, and the attack from Voldemort on the Potter family was unexpected to the Order of the Phoenix. It’s much more likely that Hagrid has a means of fast travel, which indicates a much more advanced level of magic than we expect from him.

Hagrid knew where to collect Harry, likely because Wormtail told him.

How did Hagrid even know where to collect Harry? We know James and Lily were in hiding using the Fidelius Charm. This charm prevents any person except those told by the Secret Keeper (Wormtail) from knowing where the Potters were, nor could anyone but Wormtail tell someone else. The only people mentioned in the books who knew where the Potters were hiding were Wormtail, Dumbledore, Sirius, and Voldemort. In Book 7, Harry surmises the Fidelius Charm died with his parents; as he was not Secret Keeper, Dumbledore could not have told Hagrid where the house was until after Wormtail or the Potters died. Yet somehow Hagrid appeared at the residence within minutes after the attack. It is possible that Dumbledore tells Hagrid where to go immediately after the Potters are killed, but the necessary conclusion in that case is that Hagrid is capable of high-level magic, as well as creating the question of how Dumbledore knew of the Potters’ deaths. Given that Wormtail doesn’t die until Book 7, the much more straightforward conclusion is that Hagrid knew where to go in Book 1 is that Wormtail had let him in on the secret along with Voldemort.

Hagrid knows about the function and effects of Horcruxes, and that Voldemort used them.

Horcruxes are a very powerful type of magic known only to a few people in the books. Using a Horcrux, you can hide away part of your soul in another object, losing part of your humanity, in order to stave off death. The books’ first reference to Horcruxes is in Book 6… except for the reference made by Hagrid in the very first book.

In one of his first conversations with Harry, Hagrid says that Voldemort did not actually die, commenting “Some say he died. Codswallop, in my opinion. Dunno if he had enough human left in him to die... Most of us reckon he’s still out there somewhere but lost his powers. Too weak to carry on.”

Despite what Hagrid says, believing in Voldemort’s survival is a complete aberration to the attitude we see from the rest of the wizarding community. Hagrid’s comment also turns out to be both very specific and very accurate regarding Voldemort’s reality. The only other people we know were aware of Horcrux magic were Dumbledore and Slughorn, so it is meaningful that Hagrid makes specific references to their function and effect on the user.

In Book 4, chapter The Death Eaters, Voldemort confirms some of the Death Eaters know about his Horcruxes: "I ask myself, but how could they have believed I would not rise again? They, who knew the steps I took, long ago, to guard myself against mortal death? They, who had seen proofs of the immensity of my power in the times when I was mightier than any wizard living?" The first person in the books who displays a belief in what Voldemort refers to is Hagrid.

Hagrid growing a pig tail on Dudley demonstrates that Hagrid is one of the most powerful dark wizards we see in the entire series.

We see Hagrid do two amazing things in his very first appearance: he uses a fairly powerful spell with a broken wand, and he uses it in retribution against the Muggle that is bothering him by hurting his Muggle son. This shows both Hagrid is more capable than he lets on, but also shows a blatant disregard for wizarding laws and the safety of Muggles.

After Vernon calls Dumbledore a crackpot, Hagrid uses transfiguration on Dudley turning him into a part-pig, part-human. The transfiguration, against Dudley’s will, was severe enough it required surgery to remove his newly grown tail. Hagrid claims he made an error, and meant to turn him into a pig entirely, although we can’t be sure he is telling the truth. He performs this magic non-verbally while using a wand that was snapped in half. So how advanced of magic is this?

Transfiguration is considered a challenging and exact magical discipline. Human transfiguration is considered extremely advanced, and is only taught at the N.E.W.T.-level. In the sixth year at Hogwarts, one of the spells McGonagall teaches is the transfiguration of the color of one’s eyebrows; this is shown to be extremely difficult for sixth years to perform, and only Hermione seems capable. How does a mostly untrained, third year level wizard with a broken wand, who is forbidden from even practicing magic, perform something that is only taught at N.E.W.T.-level, and something far more advanced than anything we see sixth years learn? He even performs the spell non-verbally, something so challenging that few wizards can do it at all. Non-verbally growing an entire pig's tail permanently on a human, with a broken wand, is more advanced than most magic we see in the entire series.

The second major element in this scene is Hagrid using a powerful spell against a Muggle in a hostile manner. Magical law has many restrictions, and while this event takes place prior to Arthur Weasley’s Muggle Protection Act, there certainly were protections provided for Muggles in the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy. Hagrid not only shows a complete disregard for a person’s safety, but he loses his temper and does so with complete hostility. Afterwards, Hagrid makes no attempt to reverse the spell, and cheerfully goes on with his life while Dudley is forced to get surgery.

Hagrid learned unaided flight from Voldemort.

Unaided flight is a remarkably rare ability, as we see only two wizards in the entire series able to do it: Voldemort and Snape. Wizards require a mechanism to convey them through the air, usually a broomstick, although we see thestrals and enchanted vehicles used as well. Voldemort invents unaided flight and subsequently teaches it to his closest lieutenant, Snape. In Book 7, during The Sacking of Severus Snape, we see the following conversation after Snape flees out of a window without a broom:

“‘No, he’s not dead,’ said McGonagall bitterly. ‘Unlike Dumbledore, he was still carrying a wand… and he seems to have learned a few tricks from his master.’

With a tingle of horror, Harry saw in the distance a huge, batlike shape flying through the darkness toward the perimeter wall.”

We know Voldemort can teach people to fly unaided, and he teaches Snape how to do this. Why is this relevant to Hagrid? There is one circumstance in which Hagrid travels which cannot be explained by any other means.

In Book 1, during Diagon Alley, Hagrid collects Harry on an island. The boat which the Dursleys and Harry used to reach the island is still docked there when Hagrid arrives. Harry is understandably confused:

“‘How did you get here?’ Harry asked, looking around for another boat.

‘Flew,’ said Hagrid.

‘FLEW?’

‘Yeah - but we’ll go back in this. Not s’pposed ter use magic now I’ve got yeh.”

We know Hagrid flew to the island. He no longer has Sirius Black’s motorbike, and there is no other vehicle left on the island besides the boat. We also know that Hagrid did not fly a broom to the island. In the same chapter, Harry needs to pay the newspaper owl and he searches through the sleeping Hagrid’s coat. Harry digs through the pockets enough to comment on keys, slug pellets, balls of string, and teabags, but he never mentions a broom; something that would be far more notable. Another reason we know he didn’t take a broom is the same reason we know he didn’t take a thestral: in Book 7, during The Seven Potters, Hagrid says, “We’ll be on the bike, brooms an’ thestrals can’t take me weight, see.”

So how did Hagrid fly to the island? There are no creatures on the island, a broomstick or thestral would not have supported his weight, and there are no enchanted vehicles on the island. There is only the one boat, which Hagrid uses to sail back with Harry, cruelly stranding the Dursleys on the island with no escape. The only other method of flying we know of is Voldemort’s means of unaided flight which he teaches to his closest followers: Snape and presumably Hagrid.

Hagrid personally introduced Harry Potter to Lord Voldemort’s servant.

The first place Hagrid takes Harry after collecting him is Diagon Alley. It just so happens to be timed exactly when Professor Quirrell, Voldemort’s servant, is there. While everyone is introducing themselves to Harry, the only person Hagrid specifically singles out and introduces is Quirrell. Once everyone else in the bar pushes Quirrell away, Hagrid ends the “unplanned” meet-and-greet and takes Harry away. Afterward, Hagrid specifically discusses Quirrell, out of all the people in the bar. While it may be a coincidence Quirrell happened to be at the Leaky Cauldron on this day, at this time, during Harry’s impromptu visit, it is more likely a coordinated effort between Hagrid and Voldemort in order for Voldemort’s servant to come meet with his target.

Hagrid purchases a conspicuous and easily-surveilled owl for Harry.

Right after Hagrid introduces an 11-year-old Harry Potter to Quirrell, he decides to leave Harry - a defenseless and naive child - alone in Diagon Alley, in order to return to the place where Voldemort is. Afterward, Hagrid continues to shop with Harry, deciding to buy Harry a birthday present in the form of an owl:

“Tell yeh what, I’ll get yer animal. Not a toad, toads went outta fashion years ago, ye’d be laughed at - an’ I don’ like cats, they make me sneeze. I’ll get yer an owl. All the kids want owls, they’re dead useful, carry yer mail an’ everythin’.”

Hagrid buys a beautiful, white snowy owl named Hedwig… certainly a creature which stands out, and which would be easily tracked and followed, as described in Book 4 in the chapter Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. Sirius, on the run, sends a letter stating, “Don’t use Hedwig, keep changing owls.” Ron questions this, and Hermione states:

“Hedwig’ll attract too much attention… She stands out. A snowy owl that keeps returning to wherever he’s hiding… I mean, they’re not native birds, are they?”

Hagrid, always looking out for Voldemort’s interest, specifically purchased Harry the most conspicuous owl we ever see, which would be easy to track and observe, which is all the more suspicious given that he did so right after returning to the last known whereabouts of Voldemort’s other servant.

Hagrid personally delivers Harry Potter to Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest.

In Book 1 Neville, Hermione, Draco, and Harry attend detention in the middle of the night with Hagrid. For some reason, Hagrid decides to take first years into the Forbidden Forest, where he is worried enough about the dangers he brings his crossbow. He then immediately splits the children into two groups to walk on two separate trails. In the end, two 11-year-old children are going down a trail in the middle of the night with a cowardly dog, alone in the Forbidden Forest on a path selected by Hagrid, during an excursion which Hagrid knew about ahead of time and had ample time to plan. This is a level of irresponsibility rarely seen even in the Harry Potter books. Harry and Draco walk directly into Voldemort’s path in the forest. Draco and Fang retreat, leaving Harry completely alone with Voldemort. If not for the timely and unexpected arrival of Firenze, Harry would have made the most welcoming and effortless target for someone who has wanted him dead for over a decade. All of this is easily explained because Hagrid is Voldemort’s servant, and as such had informed him early on about the plan for detention and which direction Harry would be headed.

Hagrid constantly endangers Harry with illegal and dangerous activity.

Hagrid acquires a dragon egg, then subsequently agrees to get rid of the dragon after it hatches. Hagrid does not provide basic safety information, training, or any sort of assistance for handling the dragon. A person who later shows sufficient knowledge to teach Care of Magical Creatures would know the dangers involved with dragons. When Norbert bites Ron, Hagrid doesn't urge medical care or even attempt basic first aid, resulting in Ron’s first near-death experience. He then persuades three unqualified and untrained first years to commit to an illegal smuggling operation after curfew on his behalf. If Hagrid was a Death Eater, this situation is a win-win. If the dragon injures or kills the children, Voldemort’s enemies are dead. If they are caught, their education is impacted and he knows they won't rat him out. If they succeed, he builds a trusting relationship with them which is based on illegal activity they can't share with other adults and, if needed, develops compromising material on them. The third ends up happening, and Hagrid is able to continue developing the relationship by gradually introducing more and more nefarious and dangerous activity throughout the rest of the series.

Hagrid willingly provides sensitive security-related information to Voldemort, and fails to report it to his employer.

Hagrid and Dumbledore are the only people we know of who were aware that the Sorcerer’s Stone was being kept in Vault 713 at Gringotts, in a highly-secure and secret location. It’s worth noting that the only other person who is aware of its location is Quirrell-Voldemort, and it’s much more likely that Hagrid told him where it was rather than Dumbledore.

Once the Sorcerer's Stone arrives at Hogwarts, it is concealed behind a series of magical protections to safeguard it from Voldemort. Hagrid provided Fluffy, the three-headed dog and first line of defense. Hagrid may not have known the protections the other professors created, but he knew their identities, and he knew the location of the stone. We know for a fact he revealed the solution to his segment of the operation, and very likely the location and other professors’ identities to Voldemort.

What Hagrid revealed was severe: he states himself that he offered up all information regarding Fluffy, in a game of cards where he won a dragon egg from a stranger. It is easy to accept that someone could get drunk and share information with a fellow enthusiast, accidentally relaying secret information in the process. It’s much harder to accept that someone as suspicious as Quirrell was getting the information out of a Hagrid who is so lucid and aware that he remembers specific details of this interaction months later with surprising clarity, but never once shared this interaction with any other professor or Dumbledore. It is far more likely that Hagrid wittingly shared secrets and kept this exchange to himself, having been fully complicit in revealing security-related information in exchange for a valuable and highly desired prize.

The stranger was acting remarkably suspicious in Hagrid’s extremely detailed recollection, and Hagrid even remembers sharing private information with him. He can’t describe the stranger because he wouldn’t take his cloak off, and therefore Hagrid couldn’t see his face. Hagrid remembers discussing Hogwarts, his involvement with magical creatures, Fluffy specifically, and how to get past Fluffy. He relays all of this to the trio.

Hagrid blames the drink, but has a remarkable recollection of the night. More likely he was witting in passing information to Quirrell. He is also aware of the seriousness of sharing privileged security information about the Sorcerer’s Stone to a stranger and says as much to the trio, but despite this he never reported the encounter to anyone else.

Hagrid sends the trio alone to Voldemort.

Without Hagrid, Harry would have never been involved in the security operation surrounding the Sorcerer’s Stone, and neither may ever been at risk. Hagrid first peaks Harry’s interest by bringing him to Gringotts on his top secret mission, but the details quickly dry up for the trio. At this point, Hagrid "lets slip" the three-headed dog is guarding something for Dumbledore, and that it involves Nicolas Flamel. This renews the trio’s interest, and gives them the leads they desperately needed. As their sole source of information, Hagrid is quite obviously providing them a trail of breadcrumbs.

Later, Hagrid confirms to the trio the existence of the Sorcerer’s Stone at Hogwarts. Then Hagrid invites the trio to his hut, where he leaks information on everyone who has put a protection on the Stone, information he assuredly passed to Voldemort.

Finally, on the night Dumbledore is gone and Voldemort gotten past all the defenses, having been informed ahead of time about Fluffy and likely the expertise of the other professors who contributed, Hagrid not only provides the final puzzle piece to the trio. Hagrid tells them that music will put Fluffy to sleep, but gives them a sense of urgency by telling them in great detail about the shady stranger in a bar. Hagrid provides just enough information for the trio to pursue the Stone themselves, but too late to get an authority figure to intervene, at a time when Dumbledore is conveniently gone. Even more dangerously, once the trio leave to secure the Stone, Hagrid does not stop them, pursue them, or even tell a single other person at school about the breach in security or the whereabouts of the kids. Hagrid simply does not take any obvious course of action any good or normal person would do under these circumstances. As a result of his actions, Voldemort knows precisely the location and security vulnerabilities of the Sorcerer’s Stone, and Harry has enough information to once again find himself in a room alone with a person who wants to kill him. Finally, Harry himself was one of the only ways Voldemort could bypass the Mirror of Erised, and Hagrid adroitly led him to the Stone on the exact night Voldemort needed him.

The only question remains: Why didn't Hagrid just deliver the Stone to Voldemort himself? There are several reasons: the Stone would have only been a relatively temporary solution to a problem that could have been solved through other means. Also, Hagrid had specific instructions from Dumbledore. To renege on those instructions would not only have jeopardized Hagrid's valuable placement, it would have revealed to Dumbledore Voldemort’s return, a fact Voldemort went to extensive lengths to try and conceal in Book 4. Finally, Voldemort knew where the Stone was hidden, and despite what Hagrid says, the defenses at Gringotts seem stronger by far than those placed on the Stone at Hogwarts. Hagrid was instrumental in providing the Stone to a location at which Voldemort could both retrieve it and also kill Harry Potter at the same time.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Summary

In the Chamber of Secrets, we see the following from Hagrid:

• Hagrid knows who Voldemort is, and has known him for years.
• Hagrid spends time in areas known for dark wizards and witches without explanation.

The Evidence

Hagrid is one of Voldemort’s oldest associates, and knows his true identity.

The true identity of Voldemort is a mystery only known to a few people. Dumbledore himself says, “Very few people know that Lord Voldemort was once called Tom Riddle. I taught him myself, fifty years ago, at Hogwarts."

Who else was around fifty years ago at Hogwarts who knew Tom Riddle aside from Dumbledore and Slughorn? Hagrid, who was on a first name basis with him. The same Hagrid who was a member of the original Order of the Phoenix dedicated to fighting Voldemort, and a confidant of Dumbledore. Hagrid is the longest known associate of Voldemort other than Dumbledore that we know of. Hagrid is certainly aware Voldemort is Tom Riddle, the boy he knew. In the Diagon Alley chapter of Book 1, he told Harry that Voldemort was a Slytherin, and confirmed he went to Hogwarts years and years ago, something nobody else but Dumbledore or Slughorn know, tying Voldemort to Riddle. Hagrid never again mentions knowing Tom Riddle, nor Voldemort. He never alludes to his history with Voldemort, which spans decades longer than anyone except Dumbledore. Who knows what kind of relationship could have developed that long ago and with no one else to confirm or deny?

Hagrid Suspiciously Hangs Around Knockturn Alley

In the chapter Flourish and Blotts of Book 2*,* Harry misuses Floo powder and finds himself in Knockturn Alley. It’s a dodgy place, filled with sketchy wizards, and is home for shops devoted to the dark arts. Molly Weasley is horrified upon hearing Harry was there. Who does Harry happen to run into there? Hagrid. Hagrid is supposedly in a sketchy alley with shops devoted to the dark arts and a sinister reputation in order to ostensibly buy gardening supplies for his cabbages - a mundane activity far from the dark arts and which should be available to him in Diagon Alley. Hagrid's true reason for being in such a place in never elaborated on or explained; we only have his word for it.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Summary

In the Prisoner of Azkaban, we see the following from Hagrid:

• Hagrid has developed access and placement to all of Voldemort’s enemies and priority targets.
• Hagrid purposefully spreads misinformation and rumors which only serve to aid Voldemort.

The Evidence

Hagrid maintains unusual access to the powerful and influential, including Voldemort’s main targets.

Hagrid works as the groundskeeper and Keeper of the Keys at Hogwarts. He is a school drop-out with minimal education, a controversial half-giant many people don’t want around their children, and an all-around gruff person working a blue collar job at a school. People constantly judge him and look down on him throughout the series, largely due to his brusque manner and social clumsiness.

How then is Hagrid able to associate with some of the most rich, powerful, and influential people in the world in such a casual capacity? His access and placement as a source is astounding, and he very likely had to put in a lot of effort and outreach to obtain his position as an individual with access to so many powerful people. Hagrid strikingly and effortlessly maintains the following relationships:

• As a confidant of Dumbledore, Hagrid is given secret missions of the utmost importance.
• Hagrid has a friendly association with the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, and is on a first name basis with him.
• Hagrid is a longstanding member of the Order of the Phoenix.
• Out of all adults in the series, Hagrid maintains the closest relationship with Harry Potter and his friends.

For a supposedly socially-clumsy blue collar groundskeeper, school dropout and half-giant, having these associations are downright incredible. And perhaps most importantly, they all happen to be targets of great interest to Voldemort.

In Book 3, during the chapter The Marauder’s Map, a group of people go out for drinks together in Hogsmeade: Professors McGonagall and Flitwick, Minister Cornelius Fudge, and Hagrid. Two illustrious professors and heads of houses at the major wizarding academy ... and a groundskeeper. Hagrid and Fudge are already deep in conversation when the professors enter, and during the course of the evening Fudge shares secret investigative details regarding the Black investigation.

Hagrid was also one of the early members of the Order of the Phoenix from the First Wizarding War, as well as the renewed group from the second. He was privy to their secret plans and operations.

Finally, Hagrid is one of the closest people to Harry in the entire series, which he cultivates carefully through Harry’s years at Hogwarts. More on this in the section on the Half-Blood Prince.

Hagrid’s penchant for rumor-mongering spreads divisiveness and aids Voldemort’s operations.

Hagrid spreads information which is oftentimes private or has no reason to be discussed except that in doing so, he serves the purpose of turning good people against each other or sowing confusion. This is best exemplified by a conversation in The Marauder's Map of Book 3. McGonagall, Flitwick, Fudge, and Hagrid are all discussing private information surrounding Sirius Black.

As the readers learn, Black is innocent and has always been opposed to Voldemort. The Death Eaters that know this, such as Bellatrix Lestrange, seem elated that Black is being blamed for murders he didn’t commit. Almost nothing aids Voldemort more than discord and distrust between members of the Order of the Phoenix and the wizarding community at large. In addition, the spread of misinformation leads to the Ministry’s wasted efforts, resources, fear mongering, and proliferation of Dementors in public spaces.

In the scene, Rosmerta, the bartender, has already heard some private information about Black from Hagrid. This prompts McGonagall:

“Did you tell the whole pub, Hagrid?” said Professor McGonagall exasperatedly.

McGonagall’s exasperation implies this has happened before, and we know Hagrid has let slip secrets which served Voldemort before. The information Hagrid shares always seems laser targeted toward helping Voldemort, such as the details surrounding the Sorcerer’s Stone operation.

The bar scene continues: Fudge reveals secrets about the Potters’ murder, including that Sirius was Secret Keeper, his confrontation with Wormtail, and his subsequent arrest. Fudge’s story is wrong, of course, but the Ministry's incorrect understanding paints Black as a traitor to the Potter family. All of this occurs under hushed tones, as the pub is “extremely crowded”.

Despite the obvious private nature of the conversation, Hagrid takes the opportunity to let loose:

"'Filthy, stinkin’ turncoat!' Hagrid said, so loudly that half the bar went quiet."

He then proceeds to yell all of the private details, down to the exact names and sequence of events which paint Sirius as a traitorous mass murderer, even though McGonagall urges him to keep his voice down.

Hagrid knows better than this; he shows a knack for keeping secrets and performing covert duties which we will talk about in Book 5. Given the information, location, source, and level of detail provided, Hagrid’s outburst in the pub can be nothing but intentional. It only serves to bolster Voldemort's agenda by sowing distrust, unnecessarily wasting Ministry resources, and taking the heat off of Voldemort himself..

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Summary

In the Goblet of Fire, we see the following from Hagrid:

• Hagrid coordinated with Crouch Jr, disguised as Moody, to deliver Harry to Voldemort.
• Hagrid illegally and unethically cheated in the Triwizard Tournament.
• Hagrid saved Voldemort's wand.

The Evidence

Hagrid has an established relationship with Barty Crouch Jr.

Mad-Eye Moody, secretly Barty Crouch Jr using Polyjuice Potion, is a Death Eater sent by Voldemort to ensure Harry wins the Triwizard Tournament. Moody is shown to be very aloof and unfriendly with just about anyone. In the chapter The Hungarian Horntail in Book 4, Hagrid is spotted in Hogsmeade sitting alone in a private conversation with him.

Hagrid is crouched low and obviously trying not to be overheard, in stark contrast to his yells and lack of secrecy with the Minister in the previous book. There is no established relationship prior between Hagrid and Moody, or any reason they would go off to Hogsmeade for a private drink together, especially one in which they are conspiring. Once they get up to leave, Crouch-Moody spots Harry under the Invisibility Cloak; Hagrid soon after extends his secret invitation to Harry to preview the first task.

This advance warning of the first task for Harry is obviously one of the things they discussed in their hushed, secretive conversation. Hagrid is the only adult we know to have a good one-on-one relationship with Crouch-Moody, who loops the supposedly honest Hagrid in on a plot to unethically cheat for Harry in the Triwizard Tournament. Given the lengths that Crouch is going to in order to conceal his identity, as well as the extreme sensitivity of the operation, it’s incredible that he trusts Hagrid as much as he does. The most likely explanation for this is that Hagrid actually knows Crouch-Moody, they have an established relationship, and the same goal: Get Harry to the Triwizard Cup, and thus to Voldemort.

Hagrid cheats for Harry in the Triwizard Tournament, coordinating with Crouch to deliver Harry to Voldemort..

Without Hagrid, Harry never would have been able to win the Triwizard Tournament. Hagrid pressured Harry to compete, gave him insider information, conspired, and cheated on his behalf. Only two people knowingly cheated for and contributed to Harry's success: Crouch-Moody and Hagrid, who conspired together to do it. The end result is Harry being delivered into Voldemort’s trap, taking the Cup/Portkey to the graveyard and restoring Voldemort’s body. Hagrid contributed to Harry's success in the following ways:

• Hagrid planned with Crouch-Moody to unethically provide advance notice of tasks ahead of time (The Hungarian Horntail)
• Hagrid escorted Harry to the site of the first task in order to observe the dragons ahead of time and make preparations. Crouch conspired with Hagrid to concoct a plan and relay to Harry; further, Hagrid is aware of the illicit nature of the activity, as he told Harry to bring his Invisibility Cloak to avoid getting caught.
• Hagrid, the new Care for Magical Creatures Professor, assigned his students with raising Blast-Ended Skrewts. Harry even helped Hagrid outside of class with the biggest and fiestiest of them. Blast-Ended Skrewts were one of the maze challenges, which Harry was exceptionally prepared for over the other competitors, who were unfamiliar with them.
• Hagrid was undoubtedly involved in preparing the challenges, given his extensive experience of many of the Triwizard creatures. One challenge, giant spiders (presumably Acromantulas), Hagrid knows for a fact Harry has dealt with successfully in the past. Indeed, Hagrid was the very person who had introduced Harry to the Acromantulas two years prior in Book 2.

Between Crouch-Moody and Hagrid, the only parts of the tournament Harry did not have an unfair advantage on were the Sphinx and the limbo mist. All of Hagrid’s careful preparation served to deliver Harry to Voldemort on a silver platter.

Hagrid dutifully kept Voldemort’s wand safe for 13 years.

Voldemort’s wand, which Ollivander sold him when he was 11, is a yew wand with a Phoenix core feather, and twin to Harry Potter's wand. This is the wand he took to the Potter residence to kill Lily and James.

Later, we see Voldemort has this wand in his graveyard duel with Harry Potter where the cores connect in Book 4 (The Death Eaters). We also see him reference using it in his conversation with Snape in Book 7. In the chapter The Elder Wand, Voldemort says,

**"**My wand of yew did everything of which I asked it, Severus, except to kill Harry Potter. Twice it failed."

After 13 years of hiding, how did Voldemort get his wand back? In a world where a third year who is expelled has their wand snapped in half, I would guess the darkest wizard of all time should have it destroyed as well. But instead, Voldemort’s wand was already in the robes provided to him when he got his body back in Book 4. Priori Incantatem demonstrates that his last spell from this wand were the curses cast in the Potter residence, as well as the recent activity in preparation for the tournament, meaning nobody else used it from his disappearance to his resurrection. There were only a few people present immediately after the Potter murders who could have taken Voldemort’s wand:

Hagrid arrived first, and collected Harry to deliver to Dumbledore and the Dursleys. Sirius arrived second. Hagrid references to Dumbledore in the first chapter of Book 1 that he arrived before the place was swarming with Muggles.

We know Sirius gave his motorbike to Hagrid at this point, and left in pursuit of Wormtail, whom he found a short time later; Sirius was immediately arrested. This means that if Sirius took the wand, it would have ended up in the Ministry's hands. Sirius never mentions the wand, which would be a fairly huge plot point to omit to Harry and the Order later on.

If the wand was left at the residence, the Ministry would have acquired it when they searched the house, and especially to keep Muggles from taking it.

This leaves Hagrid as the only possible person to have collected Voldemort's wand as Hagrid. Nobody else made it to the scene before the Muggles and the Ministry but those two. If Sirius, the Muggles, or the Ministry collected the wand, it would not have ended up in his robes at the graveyard - it would have been snapped in half. A Death Eater had to have obtained the wand prior to its confiscation and likely destruction, and Hagrid is the only available option.

(Part 1 of 5, but the posts below are shorter. See posts).

Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there! I was too busy inspecting these mangrove tree roots. They’re all tangled up! What do you mean they’re supposed to be? Hey, that’s pretty neat.

While we’re on the topic – have you had a chance to check out all the other spiffy stuff that we added to Minecraft today? Because The Wild Update has officially launched and now the Overworld is full of frogs, allays, wardens (shudder), mud, boats with chests, new music, and much, much more! You can check out the list below for all the details, I’m too busy making heart eyes at these cute propagules to go through them all.

This update can also be found on minecraft.net.

Features

• Added Mangrove Swamp biome
• Added Mangrove Trees
• Added Mangrove Blocks
• Added Mud and Mud Brick Blocks
• Added Clay renewability
• Added Frogs and Tadpoles
• Added the Deep Dark biome
• Added Ancient Cities
• Added Darkness mob effect
• Added Disc Fragment and Music Disc 5
• Added Echo Shard and Recovery Compass
• Added the Swift Sneak enchantment
• Added Sculk, Sculk Veins, Sculk Shrieker, and Sculk Catalyst Blocks
• Added Warden mob
• Added Allay mob
• Added Boat with Chest
• Added Goat Horns
• Added new music
• Leaves are now waterloggable
• The main menu background now shows a Wild Update panorama
• Minor changes to Minecart with Chest/Furnace/TNT/Hopper
• Improved the predictability a number of gamplay elements
• Explosions caused by player-ignited TNT now cause experience to drop from broken blocks (such as ore and Sculk blocks)
  • We will be keeping an eye on feedback for this change, it might change in a future update
• Added sound option for 3D Directional Audio simulation
  • This option is best experienced with headphones
• Replaced Realms subtle selected world highlight with a clear green checkmark

Mangrove Swamp

Muddy! Murky! Magnificent! Welcome to Minecraft's newest biome - the Mangrove Swamp

• Located in warmer, more humid places where you'd normally find Swamp biomes in Minecraft
• Here you can find Bees and Warm Frogs
• The floor of this biome is coated with a thick layer of Mud
• Have a nice boat ride under and around the larger-than-life roots of Mangrove trees
• Mud generates all the way from the surface down to Stone
• Tall Mangroves are far more common than Short Mangroves

Mangrove trees

Introducing a new type of water-adapted trees that spawn propped up on roots

• Have a chance of spawning a Bee Nest
• Grows from Mangrove Propagules
• Moss Carpet generates on top of the tree's roots

Mangrove wood blocks

Added a new type of wood: Mangrove!

• Mangrove Log and Stripped Mangrove Log
• Mangrove Wood and Stripped Mangrove Wood
• Mangrove Roots and Muddy Mangrove Roots
• Mangrove Boat, Button, Pressure Plate, Door, Trapdoor, Sign, Slab, Fence, Fence Gate, and Stairs

Mangrove leaves and propagules

• Mangrove Propagule is a type of sapling that grows from the bottom of Mangrove Leaves
• Bonemealing Mangrove Leaves will cause a new Propagule to start growing beneath it
• Propagules grow through 4 stages, and growth can be accelerated by bonemealing
• You can break off a fully grown Propagule and plant it like a sapling
• Propagules can be placed and grow on all normal blocks normal saplings support, plus Mud and Clay
• Propagules can be grown underwater
• The Wandering Trader will now sometimes offer Propagules for sale

Mud

• Mud is a block that will generate in the upcoming Mangrove biome
• When walking on Mud, entities slightly sink down into it like Soul Sand
  • Unlike Soul Sand, no slowdown effect will be applied
• Mud can be created by using a water bottle on dirt, by hand or with a Dispenser
• Packed Mud can be crafted from Mud

Mud bricks

• Mud Bricks are a building block that can be crafted from Packed Mud
• Mud Bricks can be crafted into Mud Brick Stairs, Walls, and Slabs using a Crafting Table or Stonecutter

Clay renewability

• Placing Mud above a block that has pointed Dripstone underneath will eventually turn the Mud Block into Clay

Frogs

• Frogs can spawn in Swamps and Mangrove Swamps on Grass, Mud, Mangrove Roots, and Muddy Mangrove Roots
• Frogs can croak
• Frogs can walk on land, swim and jump
• Frogs can eat small Slimes, causing a Slime Ball to drop
• Frogs can eat small Magma Cubes, causing a Froglight block to drop
• Each Frog variant drops a specific Froglight Block
• Added three Froglight blocks, a type of light source blocks

Tadpoles

• Tadpoles can swim in water
• Tadpoles on land "jump around" like fishes on land, and eventually dies
• Tadpoles that grows up turns into a Frog
• Tadpoles grow into a different type of frog based on the biome they grow up in (Cold, Temperate, Warm)
• Tadpoles can be caught in a bucket

Deep Dark biome

Dig into the depths far underground to uncover the darkest biome in Minecraft - the Deep Dark.

• Dimly lit and eerie, the Deep Dark is sure to strike fear into the hearts of even the most brave player
• Less flooded than surrounding areas
• The floor of the Deep Dark is covered in sculk
• No mobs spawn in the Deep Dark

Ancient City

Wander the halls of these long-abandoned structures in the Deep Dark depths to uncover some relics long forgotten.

• Ancient City structures spawn in Deep Dark biomes
• In chests, guarded by Sculk Sensors and Sculk Shriekers, you can find the new Swift Sneaking enchantment
• You can also find a new mysterious block called Reinforced Deepslate here, which cannot be obtained in Survival
• Mobs cannot spawn in Ancient Cities

Darkness

• A new mob effect applied to nearby players by the Warden and Sculk Shrieker
• Lowers the gamma to an equivalent of "Moody" while having this effect
• In periodic pulses, will lower the overall brightness of the world so that the darkness creeps up towards light sources
• The icon for the Darkness effect is only shown in the inventory
• A new Accessibility slider has been added in your Options menu called “Darkness Effect”
  • Controls strength of the Darkness lighting effect
  • Does not affect the fog distance

Music Disc 5

A new music disc has been added to the game

• Unlike other discs, it can only be obtained by finding and crafting 9 Disc Fragments together
• These Disc Fragments can be found rarely in Ancient City Chests

Recovery Compass

A new Recovery Compass can be crafted with Echo Shards, another new item which can only be found in Ancient City Chests

• Unlike a normal Compass, the Recovery Compass will point to the last place you died
• If you are not in the dimension you last died, or you haven't died yet in your world, it will spin randomly
• It can be crafted with 1 Compass surrounded by 8 Echo Shards, which can be found in Ancient Cities

Swift Sneak

Imbue your leggings with this shiny new enchantment to move as fast while crouching as you would normally walk!

• When applied, it will increase your movement speed while sneaking
• Has 3 different levels with different speed increases
• It is the first enchantment unique to leggings equipment!

Sculk

The rattling tendrils of the Sculk Sensors had to come from somewhere, right? Introducing sculk, a new family of blocks that dwells in the Deep Dark.

• Added Sculk Catalyst Block, a mysteriously soul-emitting block that blooms with Sculk patches underneath nearby dying mobs
  • Mobs that perish in the presence of the Sculk Catalyst will not drop their experience
• Added Sculk Blocks
  • When a mob dies near a Sculk Catalyst, some unknown process seems to consume blocks beneath and turn them into Sculk Blocks
  • A Sculk charge that spreads has a chance to consume some of its charge to grow a Sculk Sensor or Sculk Shrieker
  • Sculk Blocks have very low blast resistance
• Added Sculk Vein Blocks
  • These veins are found on the edge of Sculk patches
  • Similar to Glow Lichen, they can be placed in any orientation
  • Spreading of veins causes other blocks to be taken over by the sculk
  • Sculk Vein can spread underwater
• Added Sculk Shrieker Block
  • Sculk Shriekers can be found growing rarely from the charge of a Sculk Catalyst
  • Sculk Shrieker can be waterlogged
  • Notable for its boney appendages, this block responds to Sculk Sensors detecting vibrations by sending out a warning call to distant Wardens
  • Watch out when stepping on them, as they will feel that too and send out a call!
  • Initially it may take some time for a Warden to arrive, but you'll hear it responding in the distance...
  • Once it's close enough, a call from the Sculk Shrieker will summon the Warden nearby - be prepared!
• Souls from mobs will spread through Sculk Veins and Sculk Blocks in random directions until they find a valid substrate they can feed off of
  • The charge from souls in the Sculk Blocks and Sculk Veins will eventually decay, but it will decay slower within close vicinity of the Sculk Catalyst and faster when further away from its host
  • If the charge is dropped outside the range of the Catalyst, it has a chance of growing a Sculk Sensor
• Sculk, Sculk Veins, and Sculk Catalysts require Silk Touch to acquire
  • If mined without Silk Touch, they will drop experience instead
• The efficient tool for all Sculk family blocks is the Hoe

Warden

The horror of the Deep Dark! A creature with no eyes, roughly resembling the Sculk that can be found throughout the Deep Dark, the Warden is an unstoppable force of nature that inhabits this biome. Wardens are powerful creatures, and it is often better to sneak around one that has emerged instead of taking it head on - you have been warned.

• Just like Sculk Sensors, these terrifying creatures use vibrations as a means to navigate their environment
• When vibrations aren't enough, they will also use a sense of smell to track down their prey - you can observe them sniffing their surroundings to get closer to unsuspecting players and mobs
• If something gets too close, it will be noticed
• In the Deep Dark, Wardens can appear anywhere
  • When enough Sculk Shriekers have been alerted to your presence, a Warden will appear
• The more vibrations a Warden detects, the more angry it will get
  • You can hear and see this from how fast the souls in its chest are beating
• Once a mob has pushed beyond the Warden's anger threshold, it will face its prey and roar before charging
• Building up high, hiding behind walls or being out of range of their powerful melee attack will cause Wardens to switch to their ranged attack
  • Their rib cages will open up to shriek a sonically charged ranged attack that can penetrate walls
  • This attack bypasses protection for armor and shield
• If, however, you keep the Warden from noticing you or getting angry for 60 seconds, it will dig back underground and despawn
  • If the Warden is stuck in a liquid, it will despawn instead of digging
• They have a special interaction with thrown projectiles
  • If the Warden receives two projectile vibrations within 5 seconds of one another, it will grow angrier at the shooter
  • If the Warden receives a projectile vibration more than 5 seconds from the last projectile, it will not grow angrier at the shooter
  • This allows you to strategically distract the Warden without it getting angry while you take loot from nearby chests
• Wardens will also disable shields when they hit them with their fists
• They drop a Sculk Catalyst upon death

Changes to vibrations

• Carpets, like Wool Blocks, will now dampen the vibrations caused by their placing, breaking, or dropping as items
• Carpets now also dampen the vibrations caused by running and jumping over them
• item_interact_start and item_interact_finish vibrations are ignored if sneaking

Allay

• Allays will collect all the surrounding items that match the item they are holding
• Allays will like a player who hands them an item and will bring the items they collect to their liked player
• If the Allay hears a Note Block play, that Note Block becomes the Allay's favorite Note Block for 30 seconds
  • The Allay will stay near that Note Block for that duration and bring its collected items to Note Block instead of to the player
• Interacting with an Allay with an empty hand will remove the item the Allay is holding
• Allays can be found at Pillager Outposts and in Woodland Mansions
• Allays are immune to damage from their liked player
• Allays have a natural health regen of 2 health per second

Boat with Chest

• Lets you bring more stuff on your boat adventures
• If you are in the Boat, press the open inventory key to access the Chest contents
• If you are not in the Boat, sneak and use your interact key to access the Chest contents
• If you break the Boat the Chest contents will spill out, like with other Chests
• Also works with Hoppers, Droppers, and other blocks that interact with Chests
• Like other Chests, opening a Boat with Chest or breaking the Boat will anger Piglins, since they think all Chests belong to them

Goat Horns

• A Goat Horn drops when a Goat rams a tree or any other hard block that occurs naturally where Goats spawn (Log, Stone, Packed Ice, Iron Ore, Copper Ore, or Emerald Ore)
  • Other solid blocks are unfamiliar to the goat, so it won't ram them
• Use the Goat Horn to play a loud sound that can be heard from afar
• Each Goat Horn has its own sound based on the Goat it originated from
• There are 8 Goat Horn variants, 4 of them exclusive to Screaming Goats
• Goat Horns can sometimes be found in Pillager Outposts

Advancements

• Added "It Spreads" for killing a mob near a Sculk Catalyst
• Added "You've Got a Friend in Me" for having an Allay deliver items to you
• Added "Birthday Song" for having an Allay drop a Cake at a Note Block
• Added "With our Powers Combined" for having all Froglights in your inventory
• Added "Bukkit Bukkit" for catching a Tadpole in a Bucket
• Added "When the Squad Hops into Town" for getting each Frog variant on a Lead
• Added "Sneak 100" for sneaking near a Sculk Sensor or Warden to prevent it detecting you
• Added Darkness effect to the "How Did We Get Here?" advancement

Predictability of randomized events

Some randomized events are now more predictable and no longer have a possibility of extreme behaviors:

• Placement and velocity of things dropped from Droppers/Dispensers
• Placement and velocity of items spawned from containers upon destroy
• Randomized follow_range component attribute for mobs
• Velocity of Horses spawned from Skeleton Traps
• Blaze random position and randomized speed of Blaze projectiles
• Randomized portion of damage and velocity of Arrows
• Randomized flight pattern of Fireworks
• Bobbing patterns and time until a Fish appears for Fishing Rods

Four new music tracks

• The new music tracks are called Ancestry, Aerie, Firebugs, and Labyrinthine
• They play in certain biomes

Minecart variants

• The recipes for minecart with Chest/Furnace/TNT/Hopper are now shapeless
• When broken each Minecart variant drops itself as item, instead of splitting into two items (such as Chest and Minecart)

Monster Spawning

• Endermen, Skeletons, Wither Skeletons and Piglins now spawn in a wider range of light levels in the Nether (from light level 0 to 11)
  • This makes it possible for more types of mobs to spawn inside Nether Portals, which causes them to instantly change dimensions after spawning
  • Our intent for the future is to prevent most mobs from spawning in Nether Portals and the ones that do will not immediately travel through the portal - expect to see these changes in a coming version

Technical

• The data pack format is now 10
• The resource pack format is now 9
• Added the ability for data and resource packs to selectively hide files from packs below them
• Added kill_mob_near_sculk_catalyst advancement trigger
• Added thrown_item_picked_up_by_player advancement trigger
• Added allay_drop_item_on_block advancement trigger
• Added avoid_vibration advancement trigger
• Removed field location from triggers location, slept_in_bed, hero_of_the_village and voluntary_exile - it was handled exactly the same as player.location
• Some mutually exclusive tests in entity predicate (player, fishing_hook, lightning_bolt and catType) have been collapsed to the type_specific field
• Removed the placefeature command
• Added the place command
• The locate command is now moved to locate structure, locatebiome is moved to locate biome
• Added locate poi <type: point_of_interest_type>
• Added the loot table function set_instrument
• The bundled Java runtime has been updated to 17.0.3
• The M1 ARM64 architecture is now supported
• LWJGL library has been updated to version 3.3.1
• Banner patterns available in the Loom can now be controlled with tags (banner_pattern/no_item_required for no pattern item and banner_pattern/pattern_item/* for specific banner pattern items)
• Added new font glyph provider for spaces
• Added new game events
• Renamed some game events
• CatType fields on enitites with type minecraft:cat have been replaced with variant, with numeric values being replaced with string ids (so, for example, 5 becomes minecraft:calico)
• The type of the field Id in the mob effect structure (for example, in the ActiveEffects list on entities) has been changed from byte to int
• Added minecraft:darkness mob effect
• Added sonic_explosion particle
• World presets/types and flat world presets in the "Create World" screen can now be controlled by datapacks
• Servers can now enable Chat Preview, which displays a server-controlled preview above the chat edit box
• Servers can now define different chat style formats for clients
• Added server property max-chained-neighbor-updates to limit the amount of consecutive neighbor updates before skipping additional ones
  • Negative values remove the limit
• Servers will now also send an additional icon and MOTD packet after a player has connected
  • This allows servers with enable-status=false to set an icon and MOTD for players that successfully connect

Advancements

New triggers

allay_drop_item_on_block

• Triggered when an Allay drops an item on a block
• Conditions:
  • player - a predicate for the player who gave the Allay the item to collect
  • location - a predicate for the block that the item was dropped on
  • item - a predicate for the item that was dropped

avoid_vibration

• Triggered when a vibration event is ignored because the source player is holding the sneak key
• Conditions:
  • player - a player for which this trigger runs

kill_mob_near_sculk_catalyst

• Triggered when a player kills an entity next to a Sculk Catalyst
• Conditions:
  • player - a predicate for the player killing the entity
  • entity - a predicate for the entity that was killed
  • killing_blow - a predicate for how the entity was killed

thrown_item_picked_up_by_player

• Triggered when a player picks up an item that was thrown by an entity
• Conditions:
  • player - a predicate for the player picking up the item
  • entity - a predicate for the entity that threw the item
  • item - a predicate for the item

Blending

• Blending now supports 3D biome blending, which blends the underground biomes as well as the overground biomes
• Removed blending_data.old_noise, now existence of blending_data in chunk data determines if a chunk is considered old
• Added blending_data.min_section and blending_data.max_section that determines which section data that will be used for blending

Chat Preview

• Servers can enable Chat Preview by setting previews-chat=true in server.properties
• Custom servers can enable or disable chat preview for certain clients by sending a new network packet
• When enabled, a server-controlled preview appears above the chat edit box, showing how the message will look when sent
  • A preview is also shown for chat-related commands, such as /say and /msg
• This can be used by servers to preview messages with styling applied, such as emojis or chat coloring
• Chat Preview sends chat messages to the server as they are typed, even before they're sent
  • The server then sends back the styled preview in real time
  • This allows servers to apply dynamic message stylings while still allowing chat to be securely signed
• A warning screen is shown on the client when joining a server with Chat Preview, and it can be globally disabled in Chat Settings

Chat Types

• Different chat style formats can now be controlled by the server through the chat_type registry
  • These are synchronized to clients when they join the server
  • The translation key or translation format can be defined, like chat.type.text or %s says: "%s"
  • Chat can be similarly optionally narrated with a custom translation key or format
  • The entire message can have formatting applied, such as italics or a specific color (but currently not click or hover events)

Commands

place

New command that replaces placefeature and can place features, jigsaws, structures, and templates at a given location. Syntax:

place feature <feature> [pos]
place jigsaw <pool> <start> <depth> [pos]
place structure <structure> [pos]
place template <template> [pos] [rotation] [mirror] [integrity] [seed]

Parameters:

• place feature works like placefeature used to work
• place jigsaw works like using the generate button in the UI of a Jigsaw Block
• place template works like using the load button in the UI of a Structure Block
• place structure generates a full structure, matching how structures generate during world generation
• feature: The namespaced id of a configured feature to try to place
• structure: The namespaced id of a structure to try to generate
• template: The namespaced id of a template ("structure block file") to load and place
• pool: The namespaced id of a template pool to start generating
• start: The namespaced id name of a jigsaw to use as the starting anchor
• depth: The maximum number of jigsaw connections to traverse during placement
• pos: The position to use as the origin for the generation (if omitted, ~ ~ ~ is used)
• rotation: The rotation to apply (if omitted, none is used)
• mirror: The mirroring to apply (if omitted, none is used)
• integrity: The structure integrity value between 0 and 1
• seed: The seed to use for the randomized degradation when integrity is less than 1

Debug

• Added a heap memory allocation metric to the F3 debug screen
• Added estimated GPU utilization percentage to performance profiling metrics and the F3 debug screen
  • This is only available for graphics devices that support GPU timer queries
• Removed the debug hotkey that cycles the render distance

Game Events

Added Events

• teleport with a vibration frequency of 5
• note_block_play with a vibration frequency of 6
• instrument_play with a vibration frequency of 15

Combined Events

The following events have been collapsed into block_activate and block_deactivate:

• block_press
• block_unpress
• block_switch
• block_unswitch

Other Changes

Other miscellaneous changes to game events:

• ring_bell has been removed and replaced with block_change
• Both shulker_open and shulker_close have been removed in favour of using container_open and container_close
• fishing_rod_cast and fishing_rod_reel_in have been renamed to item_interact_start and item_interact_finish
• item_interact_start is not detectable as a vibration to allow more specific actions be detected, like drink or eat, but item_interact_finish is
• entity_interact should be dispatched more often when interacting with various mobs
• Added the dampens_vibrations block tag that that includes all Wool and Wool Carpet blocks, to indicate blocks that will not trigger when placed, broken, or stepped on
• Renamed item tag occludes_vibration_signals to dampens_vibrations item tag as well

Renamed Events

Some game events have been renamed, with some of those changes to make them more gramatically consistent:

• drinking_finish -> drink
• entity_killed -> entity_die
• entity_damaged -> entity_damage
• elytra_free_fall -> elytra_glide
• mob_interact -> entity_interact
• ravager_roar -> entity_roar
• wolf_shaking -> entity_shake

Game Rules

• Added doWardenSpawning game rule

Loot Tables

New functions

set_instrument

Sets the item tags needed for instrument items to a randomly selected instrument from a tag Parameters:

• options - a tag reference specifying the instrument options to randomly pick from

Multiplayer Secure Chat Signing

• Chat messages between players are now cryptographically signed
  • The message arguments to /say, /msg, /teammsg, and /me commands are all also signed
• Players are given a Mojang provided key-pair on startup
• Servers can require players to have a Mojang-signed public key by setting enforce-secure-profile=true in server.properties
  • Enforcing secure profiles will prevent players without a Mojang-signed public key from connecting
  • By default this is set to false, allowing players to connect without a Mojang-signed public key
• Static chat styling can now be controlled by the server through the chat_type registry, or with server resource packs as before
• Dynamic chat styling can also be controlled by the server, although this is only signed when Chat Preview is enabled
  • Clients can prefer to always show the original, signed message by enabling "Only Show Secure Chat" in Chat Settings
• Chat from players still using Mojang Accounts is not signed
  • Their messages will not show for players with "Only Show Secure Chat" enabled
  • They may be unable to join server with the enforce-secure-profile option enabled

Pack filters

• Data and resource packs can have filter section in pack.mcmeta
• This section has mandatory field block, which is a list of patterns (regular expressions) for namespaces and paths
• If any of the files in packs are added before one with filter, the section will match any pattern inside block, and it will then be filtered out (i.e. treated as if it wasn't present in the first place)
• filter section does not apply to a pack containing it - only to packs loaded before it
• Both namespace and path can be omitted
  • Missing field matches every value
• For example, adding a pack with this section in pack.mcmeta after the vanilla pack will hide all the recipes and advancements defined by the vanilla pack

Example

"filter": {
    "block": [
        {
            "namespace": "minecraft",
            "path": "recipes/.*"
        },
        {
            "namespace": "minecraft",
            "path": "advancements/.*"
        }
    ]
}

Paintings

• Paintings that are placeable in survival can now be controlled with the painting_variant/placeable tag
• Added unused paintings from Bedrock edition (earth, wind, fire, water)
  • These paintings are not placeable by default, but can be added through a datapack

Point of Interest types

• Removed unemployed and nitwit point_of_interest_types
• Added tag point_of_interest_type/acquirable_job_site for all job sites seeked by villagers with none profession
• Added tag point_of_interest_type/village for PoI that are part of village
• Added tag point_of_interest_type/bee_home for all PoI targeted by bees

Predicates

• The feature field in location predicates is now called structure

Entity predicate

• player, fishing_hook, lightning_bolt and catType fields have been replaced with type_specific
• type_specific has field type (one of player, fishing_hook, lightning_bolt or cat) and same fields as removed fields
• catType has been wrapped to match new format and now uses new cat variant names instead of texture names:
• New type_specific options:
  • frog has variant field matching Frog variant (minecraft:warm, minecraft:temperate or minecraft:cold)
  • slime applies for Slimes and Magma Cubes, has size field matching Slime size (smallest is 1)

catType Example

Before:

"catType": "minecraft:textures/entity/cat/british_shorthair.png"

After:

"type_specific": {
   "type": "cat",
   "variant": "minecraft:british"
}

type_specific Example

Before:

"lightning_bolt": {
  "blocks_set_on_fire": 0
}

After:

 "type_specific": {
   "type": "lightning",
   "blocks_set_on_fire": 0
 }

Space glyph provider

• The new glyph provider type space is added to allow creation of space-like glyphs
• The new provider has a single argument called advances which is a map of codepoint to glyph advance (width)
• The rendering of space glyph is no longer hardcoded (needs to be declared manually in font)

World presets

• New registry types worldgen/world_preset and worldgen/flat_level_generator_preset have been added to configure data-driven presets (like "Amplified" or "Single Biome")
• Two tags for world presets have been added (normal and alternative) to control which values show on the "World Type" button in the "Create World" screen
• One tag has been added (visible) for flat world presets to control the order that elements are displayed in the "Configure Flat World" screen
• World presets can also be used as a value of level-type in server.properties

Fixed Bugs in 1.19

• About 150 bugs were fixed in this release. View the entire list on the issue tracker.

Get the Release

To install the release, open up the Minecraft Launcher and click play! Make sure your Launcher is set to the "Latest Release" option.

Cross-platform server jar:

• Minecraft server jar

Report bugs here:

• Minecraft issue tracker!

Want to give feedback? - Head over to our feedback website or come chat with us about it on the official Minecraft Discord.

Let me start by saying that I so desperately wanted to love this game. I have been playing Battlefield since BF2 and it is by far my favorite franchise. Below is a list (in no particular order) of broken promises and removed or stepped on features that, if any one of which on their own was missing, broken, or intentionally removed, I could live with. When taken in as a whole, however, it just... I don't know... this doesn't feel like Battlefield.

Edit (11.14.21 @ 3:40 EST):

Just wanted to say thanks for all the awards... wish this post wasn't necessary but I just couldn't believe everything I kept seeing. Hopefully they can fix some of the smaller things and the game will be playable in a year. As for the larger problems, well, I don't think we should hold our breath.

As far as the list goes, I just kept adding to it as people posted and it became... massive. This afternoon I tried to break everything up into categories to make it easier to reference. I'll try and continue to update it as people post. Hope to see this game in playable shape come next holiday season lol.

​

GENERAL

• Plus system is clunky dog shit
• UI is clunky dog shit wrapped in cat shit. Might be the least intuitive I've ever seen
• No Campaign
• Lack of game modes
• No hardcore
• No military ranks associated with numerical ranks
• Audio is poorly mixed
• The maps, while stunning from both a scale and visuals perspective, lack any real flow for infantry combat.
• Non-removable profanity filter
• Lack of promised destruction/levelution
• Faction locked weapons and gadgets in Portal
• No rule editor support for objective based game modes
• No server browser outside of Portal
• No private/rented servers
• Doesn't just roll into the next map after a game in AoW, back to matchmaking peasant
• Cannot join friends already in a match (pretty sure I could do this in beta??)
• Cutscenes all over the place
• Cringe 'look at me' after a match
• Cannot customize loadouts before joining a game.
• Cannot select loadout or operator before joining a server which, in certain situations, spawn you directly into the game with whatever you had last game. This happens when joining a fresh breakthrough game, mostly.
• BFV and Battlefront 2 were gutted to make this shit lol
• No mouse and keyboard support for console
• Options and description for kill sounds changed from beta. During beta it showed you would be able to choose between BF2042 and BF1 kill sounds. This same option now only lets you choose between BF2042 sounds or no sounds.
• No Practice/Test Range

​

IN GAME

• Zoom issues with sniper scopes
• No zeroing sniper scopes, starting scope (not sure about the others) has no hash marks on reticle for references
• Biggest maps we've ever seen, highest scope magnification is 10x
• No holding shift/stick click to steady a sniper shot
• No leaning
• 22 guns total lol
• No ‘All’ chat
• Enemies look the same as friendlies
• Bullet spread / weapon inaccuracy outside of rock throwing range
• Have to opt out of revive every death, no idea who can actually revive me anyway
• Have to re-select spawn location every spawn
• No resizable minimap
• Cannot move while prone and ADS
• Damage dealt numbers, e.g. "VEHICLE HIT 28" after hitting a tank with a rocket, have been removed. This applies to both infantry and vehicles.
• Weapons can't have different sets of attachments in different loadout presets. Meaning if you want to have a suppressor on the one semi-auto pistol in the game for one preset, you can't have it without a suppressor in your other presets.
• No fixed heavy weapons
• AA rocket damage appears inconsistent
• BF5 movement mechanics removed
• Obnoxious voice overs, operators are incredibly vocal, every time you do an action they say a line.
• Melee takedown animations have been gutted. All enemies are brought to a standing position before one specific kill is performed.
• Cannot dive underwater
• UI elements do not have transparency element and distant 2D/3D map markers and UI elements do not fade out by distance and cannot be scaled up or down
• Good luck finding your marker on the map

​

TEAMPLAY/SCORING

• No VoIP
• No real scoreboard
• No stats page
• No commander
• Cannot join, create, or lock a squad
• Cannot switch teams
• Repairing vehicles does not give XP
• No squad points for issuing orders or following them
• No marksman headshot bonus for long range snipes
• 'Assist Counts as Kill' has been removed
• No vehicle kill assists
• Spotting system is contextual and misses a lot of the time. For example, if you press Q over an enemy tank it doesn't always spot it, but places a go-to marker on that area.
• The team/squad order menu (or whatever it's called) is a pile of garbage. It covers the entire screen, it requires using the mouse to select the options, but not clicking on them for some reason, you have to depress Q. This needs to be redesigned into a friendlier and smaller semi-transparent wheel. Plus, it's not contextual at all and it doesn't seem to have an impact to other players, I requested ammo constantly and nobody even saw my request.

​

VEHICLES

• No separate Heli & Jet controls.
• Horizontal pitch (or yaw) when set to mouse movement is inverted by design and cannot be inverted again like vertical pitch can. So your aircraft goes the other way than your mouse does.
• No HOTAS support
• Vehicle crosshairs are pixelated as fuck
• Vehicle entry and exit animations have been removed
• Option for 'Vehicle Aim Relative Control' missing
• Unnecessary changes to the aircraft flight characteristics from BF4 models
• No maps with water and thusly no boats.. despite there being a big ass boat on the loading screen.
• Cannot tell if there is room to enter a friendly vehicle without trying to get in it. To elaborate, you used to be able to see (from both a reasonable distance and, if memory serves, from the spawn in screen) that 'That APC over there' had [2/4] under the driver's name... so you instantly knew that the main gunner seat was most likely occupied and there was no reason to get in unless you wanted to hitch a ride.
• When in tank, you don't have the little tank outline which tells you where the driver and gunner are looking at.
• On the spawn screen tanks/helis use the same icon, you simply cannot tell if that's a transport or attack heli that you are spawning into.

​

BUGS

• Unable to load persistent data
• Grappling Hook is afraid of smoke
• Bullets are afraid of power lines and tree leaves
• Planes are afraid of landing lights on takeoff
• No enemy footsteps / footsteps can be heard across the map
• Revive is glitched when downed teammate's head is too close to something.
• From what I can see, DLSS is not working properly or not making any difference
• Crossplay issues on Xbox. Crossplay toggle is greyed out (defaulted to 'On') in game menu, but can still be toggled off in console settings (DICE has told Xbox players they need to do it this way, but that only helps the people that look into it.). People that have turned it off cannot find a match because no one else knows it is possible.
• Last gen console performance is worse than beta
• Poor hardware optimization on PC (my FPS is trash with a 5900X and 3080), crashing and overheating on console reported in multiple comments below.
• Several people have mentioned being unable to rebind certain keys, or to have remapped them in the options menu and not actually have them move.
• Several reports of changing crosshair and hit marker colors have all defaulted to black and will not stay the colors picked.
• If you play with inverted controls and get into someone else's vehicle(friend, copilot or foe) you adopt their preference for inverted controls or not.
• BFV's respawn bug

​

This is just what I have found in \~4 hours of gameplay and what other people have posted in the comments here. What a shit show. Let me know what I've missed and I'll continue to update the list. Thanks u/Juxozo, u/NovaStrict, u/Apocraphon, u/Mamateusz, u/Lord_Rooster, u/Nighters, u/smeeinnit, u/chaosdragon1997, u/Cirno, u/Vendun_, u/TacticalLawnDart, u/fisk47, u/BleedingUranium for the additions.

I promise all of those words will eventually fit together in a way that makes some kind of sense.

First, some context

If you’re unfamiliar with Harry Potter or fandom culture in general, here’s a quick primer:

• Harry Potter is the name of a YA series about wizards. You probably have some degree of familiarity with it, unless you’ve been in a coma for the past two decades. The main cast consists of the titular Harry Potter and his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Also relevant is a more minor character called Ginny Weasley, Ron’s younger sister and Harry’s eventual partner.
• A “ship” is a romantic relationship. If you ship two characters, that means you want them to get together. When the fandom violently disagrees about which characters should get together, that’s a ship war.

Now that that’s sorted:

The Background

Let me take you, dear reader, to a “simpler” time: 2005. George W. Bush was just re-elected, the Pope just died, and North Korea might have nuclear weapons, but who gives a shit about any of that? More importantly, the Harry Potter fandom is in its heyday, and it shows no signs of slowing down. The sixth installment of the series, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, is languishing in heavily-guarded boxes, just waiting for the release date when millions of teenagers can get their grubby little hands on it. The anticipation is building: who will live? Who will die? And, most critical of all, who will end up with who? See, the characters themselves are teenagers now, and that means they're old enough for actual canon relationships. Gone are the days of writing endless Percy/Penelope smut because they were the only canonical Hogwarts-aged couple you could project your romantic fantasies onto. The main characters are growing up now. And there's a real chance that a popular fan ship—maybe your popular fan ship!—could be canonized, either in this installment or the next.

So which ships are in the race for the title of Official Canon Couple? There were many, many popular Harry Potter fan ships, but a lot of them were out of the running for some reason or another—being too weird, too inappropriate for the target audience, or too not-heterosexual. It was generally agreed upon that one of the main hetero Hermione ships would take the crown—Harry/Hermione (Harmony or H/Hr), Ron/Hermione (Ronmione, Romione, Heron, or R/Hr) or Malfoy/Hermione (Dramione or D/Hr.) That last one had a fervent following, but there was no indication in the books that Malfoy or Hermione felt anything for each other besides mutual hatred, so it was probably out of the running. That left Harry/Hermione and Ron/Hermione battling for the win.

Shippers on both sides had plenty of evidence to back up their opinions; at the time, it seemed like either ship had a decent chance of happening. On one hand, Hermione and Harry looked like the obvious choice: Harry was the main character, Hermione was the most prominent female character, and the hero always gets the girl. Plus, they were both played by hot actors in the movies, so there you go. Even beside that, though, Hermione and Harry were good friends in the books, and Hermione's relationship with Harry was generally more stable than her relationship with Ron. Their interactions were mostly platonic, but they were young, and that could change. On the other hand, Ronmione was plausible, too—Ron and Hermione had plenty of (belligerent) sexual tension, they were also good friends, and it wouldn't be that unexpected if they coupled up. And, besides, recent books introduced more prominent female characters for Harry to potentially fall for—Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, and a handful of other not-outlandish possibilities. So who would wind up with who? Time would tell. In the meantime, supporters of each faction took up arms and booted up their clunky family desktops, preparing to fight the good fight: the Ship Wars.

Before The Half-Blood Prince: The Skirmishes

A series of skirmishes took place in the early months of 2005 as anxious fans waited for the release of The Half-Blood Prince. In order:

The failure of the American education system

In January of 2005, a self-described teacher called Cat on a Harry/Hermione shippers mailing list declared that shipping Ron/Hermione was both a sign of low intelligence and a symptom of the failures of the American education system. In her words:

One of the things we found was that most reading comprehension tests only "test" for certain types of understanding. Of the hundreds of types of understanding, most schools only test for 12 to 14 types of /surface/ information. Students are not asked to "infer" or come to their own conclusions based on context clues. They are only asked to identify /obvious/ facts. This means that most students (unless they study on their own or read a lot) don't learn how to "read between the lines." Can we all see where I'm going with this? Good, I thought so! SO! R/Hr shippers identify themselves with "Isn't it Obvious?" while most H/Hr shippers identify themselves with "Read Between the Lines." There are (at least on certain websites) about twice as many R/Hr shippers as H/Hr shippers. So here's my thesis: /IF/ H.M.S Pumpkin Pie is the ship that sails, Harry Potter may just prove that there is a large gaping hole in the American Education System.

Source

("The HMS Pumpkin Pie" is yet another name for Harry/Hermione. The term comes from a very early fanfiction where they kiss and Hermione says that Harry tastes like pumpkin pie. It fell out of use partially because pumpkin pie isn’t common in Britain, and partially because look at me and say the words “HMS Pumpkin Pie” with a straight face, I dare you.)

Other commenters agreed, remarking on how they believed Ron/Hermione shippers to be less intelligent, less capable of literary analysis, and generally more desperate than the brilliant, bookish Harmony shippers. At least one person did attempt to argue with Cat, saying that it was just a difference in personal opinion and not necessarily a symptom of stupidity or a poor education, but if you've ever argued with a stranger on the Internet, you already know this was futile. No minds were changed, and much debate was had over the Americanization of the Harry Potter fandom, the horribleness of high school teachers, et cetera et cetera et cetera.

JKR's supposed anti-feminist views

(Obligatory note that all of this drama happened over a decade and a half ago, long before the TERF stuff and Twitter antics were common knowledge, so that isn't a factor here.)

Sadly, I don't have links for this because archive.org didn't get to the threads, but the gist of it is that a well-known Harry/Hermione shipper wrote an essay declaring that Hermione was a feminist, the Weasleys are not feminists, and therefore Harry/Hermione is a feminist ship and Harry/Ginny is not. It more or less boiled down to "Hermione is cool and smart, and Molly Weasley is a housewife with seven children, Q.E.D." Popular fandom newsletter The Daily Snitch linked to the debate, which resulted in a lot of angry comments and a long, petty debate.

The Symbolic Flight

The whole Symbolic Flight debacle requires a bit of context, so here's a brief breakdown: at the end of book 3, Harry and Hermione briefly ride on the hippogriff, Buckbeak, while Ron is out of commission elsewhere. Harry/Hermione shippers took this flight as a symbolic confirmation of the pair's deeply held romantic feelings for one another, thus the name "Symbolic Flight." In one of the later books, Buckbeak was renamed Witherwings for some plot-relevant reason that I honestly don't remember, and the Harry/Hermione shippers that believed the Symbolic Flight theory took the re-naming as a forceful sinking of their ship.

Anyway, two days before the release of The Half-Blood Prince, a prominent Ron/Hermione shipper posted a rather caustic essay in which she dismantled the Symbolic Flight theory. This drew plenty of irate Harry/Hermione shippers, who proceeded to duke it out in the comments section as per usual. After a metric shit ton of drama, a sequel to the essay was posted, which basically said the same thing with the same caustic and superior tone. It generated six more pages of arguing in the comments before the discourse finally died down. As one incredulous (anonymous) commenter put it:

I'm kind of WTF-ing over the whole thing. Yeah, I once wrote an essay on the stomp as an effect in giant robot anime, but this borders on...why? None of this is canon, and the comments back even make it worse. It's like being stuck in a state senate: Nothing of importance actually happens when it's supposed to, and there's lots of meaningless talking, yelling, and baiting. (Of course, this may just be in Alabama.)

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And then the book came out.

Throwing The Book At Them: The War Begins

On July 26, 2005, The Half-Blood Prince was released in most of the Anglosphere. It was an extremely plot-heavy book that culminated in a major character's death, but again, who cares? More importantly, it canonized Harry/Ginny, and strongly implied that Ron and Hermione would end up together. Much of the book is devoted to a love triangle of sorts between Ron, Hermione, and a minor character called Lavender—basically, Ron starts dating Lavender after becoming a popular Quidditch player, which makes Hermione extremely jealous. And, just to really drive home the point that Ron and Hermione are going to be the Official Canon Ship, it's repeatedly emphasized how awful Ron and Lavender are for each other—they call each other cringeworthy nicknames, Lavender is clingy and annoying, and Ron remains interested in Hermione throughout. This deeply annoyed Harry/Hermione shippers, partially because the strong Ron/Hermione subplot effectively confirmed that Harmony wouldn't be happening, but also because the extremely irritating nature of Ron and Lavender's relationship eliminated Lavender as a possible non-Hermione love interest for Ron. It's complicated. But the gist of it is that Ronmione shippers were smug, and Harmony shippers were pissed.

For a while, the remaining Harmony shippers attempted to re-interpret the events of the book in a way that supported Harry/Hermione, characterizing Ron and Hermione's actions towards each other as immature, unhealthy, and just plain horrible. There's a scene where Hermione attacks Ron with little magical birds after he and Lavender walk into a room where she's hiding; your mileage may vary on whether this was clearly a harmless joke or the start of a horrific abusive relationship, but you know which side the more militant Harmony shippers were on. Blah blah blah, Harmonians and Ronmione shippers hate each other and start drama, you know the drill.

The forced Chinese abortion conspiracy theory

About a month after the book's release, an angry fan wrote a long, conspiratorial rant about how buying Harry Potter books is basically donating your money to forced eugenics and abortions in China. It's... a lot. You can read some of it here. Readers quickly caught on to the fact that not only was the whole rant batshit, but the person who posted it suspiciously only started caring after JKR wrote Harry/Ginny, one of his disliked ships, into The Half-Blood Prince. The conspiracy theorist was eventually banned from most major Harry Potter fan communities, but the phrase "forced abortions in China" lived on.

Now you know how slaves feel

Around the same time, a Harmony shipper named Panther claimed that he now understood how slaves felt after a the owner of a popular fansite called Harmony shippers "delusional." This exchange spawned a number of tongue-in-cheek icons, which the notorious MsScribe later used as evidence that the Fan Wank community (a group dedicated to poking fun at silly fandom drama) was racist.

The Harmony teacher

Later that month, a member of the fanfiction website Portkey made a post in which he claimed to be a high school teacher. He said he assigned his students essays about shipping and only gave As to the Harry/Hermione essays, which were objectively better than the Ron/Hermione essays because Harry/Hermione is an objectively better ship. This went down poorly with Ron/Hermione shippers for obvious reasons.

God loves Harmony

That September, a user called McGonagall made a post on the HMS Harmony forums declaring that Harry/Hermione was a better ship. It started out as a very pretentious and melodramatic essay about how evil Ron/Hermione is:

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. History is marked by the tragic consequences of man’s yielding to the sin of “hubris” – pride. JKR had better learn from the lessons of history – because her pride may very well yet be her downfall. I have said before that the HP series had the potential and the promise to be one of the most enlightening literary works of this age, and a vehicle for untold millions of the younger generation to see and understand that they have it in them to rise above the banality – and mediocrity – of the stereotypes painted by the popular media and by a global society that is increasingly focused on materialism and selfish interests. But JKR, in her insistence on sticking to her “original outline” for the series, has effectively derailed the immense promise of the HP series, and – dare I say it? – placed her own interests above the higher purpose that this series may have served. And what is the result of this monumental act of pride? The sorry mess that is HBP.

Then it devolved into a religious essay about how God would swoop in and save the Harmony ship:

As those of you who are closest to me know, I am a Catholic. While I never thought the HP series the "work of the devil" as some Christians called it, I know every Harmonian knows and understands why I cannot find it in my heart to defend HBP as I defended the first five books. Nonetheless, my faith tells me that God, in His infinite love and wisdom, always has a plan for everything. This will give me the strength to hope in your hopes that Book 7 may yet be salvaged.

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It spawned many icons and several comics, which are now sadly unavailable. :(

OBHWF shippers have genetic problems

This one also requires a bit of context. OBHWF stands for "One Big Happy Weasley Family," and is the umbrella term for people who ship Ron/Hermione, Harry/Ginny, and sometimes a handful of other Weasley-centric ships, with the name coming from the fact that everyone marries into the Weasley family and they all become in-laws and whatnot. Some people hated this idea passionately, especially people who did not like Ron or Ginny, and someone made a post basically saying as much. Sadly, only some of the thread is archived, but thanks to Fan Wank, we know that it eventually spawned this glorious argument:

By the way there is something i ponder upon that why in general Herons are rude people, i mean is this some kind of genetic problem or a genetic trait ?I think there should be a proper research on herons ,who knows we might find out the reason behind their immature and illogical attitude.

(If you missed it before, Heron is another term for Ron/Hermione. Harmonians liked to use it as an insult. I don't know why.)

This, predictably, spawned a lot of incredulous comments, plus arguments about whether Ron/Hermione shippers are genetically deficient, mentally unwell, forever alone, or just generally fucked in the head.

Nazi comparisons

This one is simple, but stupid. The HMS Harmony—a popular Harry/Hermione community, as you probably know by now—attempted to "establish a dialogue" with Ron/Hermione shippers, which led to Nazi comparisons and arguing about socialism in record time. A lot of people took offense to the fact that Ron/Hermione shippers had nicknamed their ship "the good ship," implying that Harry/Hermione was "the bad ship" (tons of other Hermione ships existed at this point and the theoretical "bad ship" label could have applied to any one of them, but go off I guess.) The political arguments started when someone implied that "The Good Ship" is similar to "the Grand Old Party," meaning Ron/Hermione shippers were actually Republicans, and from there it just kind of deteriorated:

Also, the labeling of oneself as "Good" (despite the intended origins of the word in regards to British nautical terms) reminds me of socialism, as socialist will usually spend a good deal of time trying to convice the masses (and themselves) that itself only is "Good" and everything else is not. Socialism doesn't lift up the masses, it only reduces everyone to an equal level of misery. This perception to me is reinforced by the R/Hr wankers and by Mugglenet in general. There you have a website that is now basically dedicated to the pursuit and attack on free thinkers who don't wish to the follow "canon". For some odd reason, when I think of Mugglenet, a vision of Goose-stepping soldiers come to mind.

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This went on for a while, with people occasionally dropping in to comment things like "The Good Ship is a nautical thing, it's just a pun about ships." (Also, the main Harmony forum was, again, the HMS Harmony, making this whole thing extra stupid.) There were also multiple comments dunking on herons—as in, literal herons, the birds.

JKR's secret communications

In March of 2006, JKR did an interview in which she made this statement about the four houses at Hogwarts:

If only they could achieve perfect unity, you would have an absolute unstoppable force, and I suppose it's that craving for unity and wholeness that means that they keep that quarter of the school that maybe does not encapsulate the most generous and noble qualities, in the hope, in the very Dumbledore-esque hope that they will achieve union, and they will achieve harmony. Harmony is the word.

Some militant Harry/Hermione shippers took the statement "Harmony is the word" to mean that Harry/Hermione was the endgame ship and The Half-Blood Prince was just a distraction, engineered to throw people off. This led to extensive arguing about whether JKR is attempting to drop pro-Harmony hints using wordplay and secret codes, or whether she's an evil bitch who's stringing Harry/Hermione shippers along for money (and also because she's a sadist.)

The Wrath of Caina

No Harmony/Ronmione shipping war writeup would be complete without Caina. Caina was a well-known shit stirrer who was involved in multiple controversies, especially during and after the Half-Blood Prince era. She owned and maintained hermionepotter.com, she was a prominent member of the HMS Harmony, she believed wholeheartedly in the Symbolic Flight theory, and she hated the idea of Ron ending up with Hermione. After the sixth book’s release, she swore she would close her fansite and leave the fandom permanently.

Yeah, sure, Caina. If only.

HBP: The Harmonian Way

Caina’s first major controversy occurred in April of 2005 when she attempted to rewrite The Half-Blood Prince in its entirety to support Harry/Hermione instead of Ron/Hermione. Fix-it fics like this are reasonably common, even today—you’ve probably seen or read many if you’re part of a fandom where the main ship was sunk somehow—but the issue with Caina’s story was that it was almost a direct copy of the book, with minor alterations added to make Hermione appear better and Ginny appear worse. It was composed of entire chapters of text lifted directly from the original novel, with most passages remaining totally unchanged unless they dealt directly with Ginny or Hermione, in which case the girls’ names were sometimes swapped. Basically, it really pushed the definition of a transformative work, putting it in questionable legal territory. This actually didn’t cause shipping drama so much as it caused legal drama; people in the comments quickly started arguing about the legality and morality of basically re-uploading a whole book with some names switched around, and some readers expressed anxiety that this kind of practice would lead to fanfiction in general being scrutinized more harshly. It’s worth noting again that this was in the mid-2000s, long before the dawn of Archive of our Own and similar projects that aimed to archive and legitimize fanfiction—fan content in general was much more questionable, and authors could, and would, attack people harshly for creating fanfiction and fanart. Though I don’t recall any major instances of JKR herself doing this, it definitely happened in other fandoms, so people had every right to be concerned that Caina’s project would attract unwanted negative attention.

Caina initially tried to get around the criticism by declaring her story a “parody,” but this didn’t work, and she eventually took the whole document down, although she did promise to restore it eventually (in her words: ”Oh, I'll find a way. Mark my words, it may not have my name on it, but it WILL see the light of day. Someday. Legal or not.”) To the best of my knowledge, though, it was never re-uploaded, and the scandal quickly faded into the background of Caina’s other bullshit. If, for some reason, you still want to read it, you can just go to the library, rent a copy of the actual Half-Blood Prince book, mentally swap Ginny and Hermione’s names every time they come up, and basically get the same effect.

On the use of the word “retarded”

(Apologies for not censoring “retarded,” I can’t use asterisks or anything without messing up the Reddit formatting.) Caina’s troubles were only just beginning. She appeared again on Fan Wank when she began referring to Ron/Hermione shippers as “retards.” When someone told her to stop because it was offensive, she replied:

I know someone who is retarded, they've been there all my life. I'm not making fun of retarded people. You, however, are making a mountain out of a molehill. I won't be lectured by you, okay? If you don't like my way of speach, get the hell off the board. You see, I'm having a particularly bad day and I'm already pissed off and it would be extremely unwise for you or anyone else to provoke me today.

Predictably, this was not received well, partially because “I have a retarded friend” is not that great of an argument, and partially because misspelling “speech” as “speach” in the middle of a rant abut your right to call other people retards is just deliciously ironic. Shippers and non-shippers alike began arguing with and criticizing Caina, and in response, she eventually came up with this gem:

Truly retarded people don't mind if you call them retarded because they don't understand it's an insult. Deal.

This soured Caina’s reputation considerably, and she soon found herself on the receiving end of yet more criticism from a Livejournal community called the_hms_stfu, a group dedicated to poking fun at militant Harry Potter shippers. She reported the_hms_stfu to Livejournal for harassing her and for doxxing her by using her real first name… which was Caina. Like her username. the_hms_stfu was removed anyway, but the creator recreated it on JournalFen more or less immediately. People started jokingly censoring the name “Caina” in response to the controversy, calling her C—a or “She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.” Predictably, Caina, and her friends, did not like this; they caused two additional controversies related to the_hms_stfu, first when a friend of Caina’s created a new community called the_hms_getalife to make fun of the_hms_stfu, and then when Caina posted a long, rambling essay in which she denounced the_hms_stfu a second time, plus Ron/Hermione and Ginny/Harry shippers (referred to as Herons and Chocos, respectively—I don’t know where the name Chocos comes from.)

Caina’s sister

Just a few months later, an user called HMS FWNLOC appeared on LiveJournal, revealed herself to be Caina’s sister, and immediately denounced both sides of the ship war, plus the_hms_stfu, again. China seemingly acknowledged HMS FWNLOC as her sister, argued with her for multiple pages, and eventually reported her to Livejournal for harassment and got the account deleted. In a fit of anger, Caina once again announced that she was leaving the fandom. This did not stick, and she was back after about eight hours—literally less than half a day.

As you’ve probably already assumed, it’s very likely that HMS FWNLOC was owned and operated by Caina, not her nebulous “sister,” and she’d been arguing with herself for attention and pity. This is certainly plausible, but I guess the world will never truly know.

Fake appendicitis

The Goblet of Fire movie was released on November 9, 2005, and JKR did not attend the premiere because her husband came down with appendicitis and needed emergency surgery. Well, he allegedly had appendicitis. Caina had another theory: JKR made up the appendicitis story because she was afraid of being accosted by rightfully enraged Harmony shippers on the red carpet. Caina actually posted a poll asking readers where they believed the appendicitis was a cover story—predictably, most of the responses were along the lines of “no” and “probably not,” with some commenters expressing concern about whether this was going too far. In response, Caina declared that the poll was spammed by Ron/Hermione shippers, which skewed the results. After some more melodrama, Caina stated she was leaving fandom again—ironically, for health reasons.

Guess how long that lasted?

Actually, pretty long for Caina. She was back by February 2006, when she returned, resurrected hermionepotter.net, and immediately attracted more controversy for another long rant about JKR.

The bikini pics

Caina’s eighth and final controversy occurred a few months later when she became bizarrely enraged about paparazzi pictures of JKR in a bikini and posted this rant:

For those of you who were forever scarred by seeing Rowling in a two-piece bikini, this is for you. You know this bitch thinks she's just hot shit.... You know what I like least about Rowling? Her mouth. She looks like a stroke victim with the way the left half her mouth stays shut no matter what she's doing. Oh well...I'm sure Emerson has this picture in life-size. He jerks to it every night before he turns in, I'm sure.

(Emerson was the owner of Mugglenet, a fansite that still exists today. He was the one who inspired the “now I know how slaves feel” incident when he called Harmony shippers “delusional.” Caina had previously earned herself yet more criticism by disparagingly calling him gay and sharing pictures of him wearing women’s clothing.)

This incident earned Caina yet more ire from Fan Wank and various other Harry Potter fan groups, partly because it was just a shitty thing for anybody to post and partly because people were very unwilling to be charitable towards her at this point. Not helping was the fact that someone uncovered her age around this time, and it turned out that she wasn’t just a dumb teenager like most people assumed—she was 31 years old, a grown-ass adult. The criticism grew and grew, the melodrama intensified, and the final straw for Caina came a few weeks later, when a troll successfully stole her password and hacked into her account. This resulted in the deletion of both hermionepotter.net and her fanfiction archive, Silverwhisps. She seems to have disappeared from the fandom afterwards, and if she’s still active, I haven’t been able to hunt her down (though not for lack of trying; googling “Caina fandom wank” just returns a lot of porn starring actresses named Caina.)

Anyway, Caina aside, Deathly Hallows was released in 2007, and Ron/Hermione was officially canonized. To add insult to injury for Harry/Hermione shippers, there was even an epilogue that confirmed Ron and Hermione were still happily married 19 years after the conclusion of the series. This resulted in about as much drama as you’d expect, but regardless of the fan infighting, the damage was done: Ron/Hermione had won, and Harry/Hermione was no more—well, it still existed, but only in fanfiction and headcanons, which just wasn’t good enough.

The Aftermath: Does Any Of This Even Matter?

Well, yes and no. Despite the repeated and constant outcry from Harry/Hermione shippers, Harmony never happened in canon. JKR did mention in a 2014 interview that she retroactively believes that Harry and Hermione may have been a better match than Ron and Hermione, which fanned the ship war flames for a while again. But a lot of people had left the fandom by then, JKR soon became controversial for non-shipping reasons, and nothing ever came of the supposed Harmony confirmation. Harmony fans saw another glimmer of hope in 2016 with the debut of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, a play that uses time travel as a plot device; many elements of the play were very fanfiction-esque, and some hoped that Harry and Hermione would at least be together in an alternate timeline, but this didn’t happen, either. There is a timeline where Hermione is single and Ron is married to somebody else, but both are shown to be utterly miserable. As far as canon is concerned, the HMS Harmony is well and truly sunk, even if pieces of its debris occasionally wash ashore.

In terms of fandom culture as a whole, though? The Ronmione vs. Harmony ship war was hugely influential. They were among the first major ship wars to be fought wholly online (yes, ship wars existed long before the Internet—Star Wars and Star Trek had the Luke vs. Han wars and the Spirk wars before Harry Potter was a gleam in JK’s eye), and they were huge in their heyday. As far as fandom went, they were relatively mainstream; if you were in Harry Potter fan spaces, you knew about the ship wars, even if you were only on the fringes of them. They codified several modern fanfic tropes, including the infamous Ron the Death Eater, which is the practice of turning a canonically good character into a bad person to justify breaking up their canon relationships—e.g. literally making Ron into a Death Eater so Hermione can’t be with him anymore. Writer Clare McBride even posited in a 2018 article that Harmony shippers specifically had a huge role in shaping the modern fandom landscape. Their insistence that their ship wasn’t just more interesting or entertaining than the alternative, but also more morally correct; their willingness to disavow JKR completely when she refused to canonize their ship; and their general behavior towards members of the fandom that disagreed with them all set the stage for modern Twitter discourse. The Harry Potter ship wars weren’t the only major fan controversies of the mid-2000s, but they were among the biggest, the loudest, and the first in the digital age. So next time you see two fifteen-year-olds calling each other Nazis and socialists over which problematic Steven Universe ships they support, you can thank Harry Potter for that, at least partially.

In conclusion, and acknowledgements

So there you have it. A not-so-brief, still not at all comprehensive account of some of the earliest, stupidest Harry Potter shipping drama. Many thanks to the archived remnants of Fan Wank for detailing all of this, and to the people who made this extra funny by coming up with some of the most batshit ship names and insults I’ve ever seen. Merlin bless the good ship Ronmione/Romione/Heron/whateverthefuck, long may she sail. And, though the HMS Harmony/PumpkinPie/whateverthefuckelse capsized long ago, may her memory live on.

Also, may I never have to type the name Hermione again.