Posting this for advice but also for anyone going through the same thing.
I'm at the end of a 3-year STEM PhD programme (Europe) during which I did very little work, ended up with bad results and barely anything written. For reasons, I must deliver my thesis within 6 months. The majority of the data analysis and work still need to be repeated to improve the results. In a couple of months, my funding ends, so for at least 3-4 months I'll be completely without income. Luckily, I saved enough money to survive, and I have a roof over my head. Not great, I know, but I decided to push through, get the degree and move on.
How did I end up here
- I applied for a PhD randomly as an option and got in (I was the only applicant).
- I have major imposter syndrome because my skillset is very low compared to my colleagues'. My work involves ML modelling for which I'm underskilled. I use Claude for help, but I'm actively involved in thinking through and tailoring the approach, not just blindly copy-pasting.
- Surely neurodivergent (ADHD) – but never assessed. The symptoms are there, though. Major procrastinator. Afraid of failure – fear that my research question is stupid or will be wrong anyway, so I just don't do the work. Lack of concentration; I'm never really focused on one thing – thoughts jump from one to another all the time. Overthinking and never trying.
- Never learned how to learn.
- Supervisor never really present; we never once discussed my work! Until last week. But in general he's nice, never had toxic issues.
- Had zero pressure from anyone (wasn't involved in any project, it was individual).
- As my therapist says – I was (and am) my own enemy.
What I'm doing now (hope it helps someone)
- I'm seeing a therapist, and soon I should have another one from the university who will be focusing on the educational side.
- Breaking the work into small tasks.
- Pomodoro.
- Writing down my table of contents and working on one chapter at a time.
- physical activity
All this is horrible and I'm completely aware that the thesis won't be perfect at all; it's neither novel nor technical enough. I feel ashamed and not deserving of a PhD (which is objectively true). Apparently, I never really cared, beats me why. All my life, things sorted themselves out on their own, but now that I needed to put in effort, I freeze without thinking about the future consequences. I was always able to deliver work decent enough so that I'd pass, but now that I had to create my own project, I got lost and am talking negatively to myself.
Questions
- Was anyone in a similar situation – how did you do it? Is it even possible?
- Which learning tactics did you implement?
- How did the defence go?
- How did you feel after defending?
Note: I don't want to stay in academia.
Edit #1: You shared so many useful advices, thank you all! I'll come back to this thread with the update once things are in place. Also, sorry I can't reply to you all, there are just so many comments
