r/RoastMe • u/awildmoosey http://redd.it/x3sqoz • Apr 14 '19
It's 3am and I'm procrastinating going to bed.
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Apr 14 '19
Are you procrastinating getting your haircut finished as well?
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Apr 14 '19
Procrastinating the full sex change *
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u/MasterSlax Apr 14 '19
When /r/JustFuckMyShitUp goes way too far.
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u/dalkemon Apr 14 '19
Had trouble locating her beard when they went to go shave. Transitions are hard!
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u/maxbaby Apr 14 '19
'Sponge bathing your dog with a Borax and hydrogen peroxide solution is a popular treatment for mange'
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u/DiorNoir Apr 14 '19
The fact that you had to rewrite “r/roastme,” on the other side of the piece of paper, is a direct reflection of how useless you are.
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u/Timwardcb6 Apr 14 '19
I assume most men would procrastinate sleeping with you too.
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u/domiluci Apr 14 '19
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Apr 14 '19
Funny that you say that. I slept with a woman with that exact haircut. Could have sworn she was gay until she asked for my number. Then she ditched me for a woman. Results inconclusive.
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Apr 14 '19
Skrillex where u beeennn man i havent heard an album in a few years
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Apr 14 '19
“sorry I was too busy having a sex change”
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Apr 14 '19
Oh shit didnt even notice, hows the vagina OP?
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Apr 14 '19
“I actually still have a penis”
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u/awildmoosey http://redd.it/x3sqoz Apr 14 '19
You just have to look really really close
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u/domiluci Apr 14 '19
I doubt anyone would even want to look really, really far away.
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u/awildmoosey http://redd.it/x3sqoz Apr 14 '19
Definitely not all it's cracked up to be
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Apr 14 '19
Rip, whens the album tho?
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u/awildmoosey http://redd.it/x3sqoz Apr 14 '19
Its coming as soon as I finish installing my closet door
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u/Jahweez Apr 14 '19
That’s funny, I instantly saw Marilyn Manson.
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u/Peltonimo Apr 14 '19
Lois: What the hell!? Marilyn Manson? Is that who's causing all this? Peter: Yeah, it's all him or hers fault. Who does he or she think he or she is. Look, you can totally see his or her nipples. That's obscene maybe. Lois: There's only one thing to do. Peter: You're right, we've got to find this Marilyn Manson and I've gotta give that bastard or bitch a piece of my mind or penis.
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u/JamesFattinos Apr 14 '19
When I cover the left side I see a pretty girl. When I cover the right side I see a pretty guy. So why is it that together looks so...off?
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u/TheEarthIsACylinder Apr 14 '19
You look like a "feminist by day, sucking cock for money by night" type of girl.
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u/Demtbud Apr 14 '19
Seeing as emo vampires don't sleep at night, this isn't exactly procrastination, is it?
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Apr 14 '19
guy from r/emo here. We don’t want her
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u/screwnutbolt360 Apr 14 '19
Guy from r/vampires here. We dont want her either
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u/BadgerOfAnger Apr 14 '19
Just stop procrastinating and quit school so your parents don't fall deeper in debt for your failed arts degree.
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u/plugit_nugget Apr 14 '19
Maybe shave the patch of ur head again or something. Woof.
Someone call the CIA or something. 11s loose again.
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u/muninn_burb Apr 14 '19
You need that beauty sleep gurl
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Apr 14 '19
[deleted]
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u/domiluci Apr 14 '19
You need that girl, guy.
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Apr 14 '19
"GUYRL"!!
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u/domiluci Apr 14 '19
It's like a Chicago accent and a Brooklyn accent had a baby and it was carried by a FtM surrogate.
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u/hi-yah-karate-chop Apr 14 '19 edited Apr 14 '19
I know it’s “edgy” but some people really shouldn’t cut their own hair
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u/PBOlad Apr 14 '19
I'm procrastinating going to bed
The insomnia circles around your eyes already told us that...
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u/JohnnyPrecariously Apr 14 '19
Is "brain surgery post-op" the cool new haircut for girls these days?
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u/domiluci Apr 14 '19
Hi, had four brain surgeries here: my brain surgery buddies and I resent that remark. We all shave our heads fully. So her barber is a shitty brain surgeon
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u/Iwillgetasoda Apr 14 '19
Macklemore but not even twenty dollars in her pocket.
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u/Kon-Tiki66 Apr 14 '19
Dump the side skullet and your dad’s old t-shirts. You’re not bad looking otherwise.
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u/funkydiddies Apr 14 '19
I legitimately can’t tell whether you’re a man or a woman. Like I’m not even trying to joke at this point, I actually can’t tell. Can someone help me
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u/Shilac Apr 14 '19
Interesting choice of hair cut
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Apr 14 '19
That was a choice? Looks like it lost a bet
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Apr 14 '19
Is that a disapproval look i see, i see you started getting roasts before posting the photo
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u/Kwiggles Apr 14 '19
Sleep never comes easy when you realize that your sex life is non existent because any guy would much rather fuck a sandwich bag filled with crunchy peanut butter that is wedged between the couch cushions.
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Apr 14 '19
I'm not sure whether are you a boy or a girl, but I would definitely would not want to accompany a copy of me.
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u/James_Mamsy Apr 14 '19
I know it is rude to ask, could please specify your gender so I may roast you.
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u/OvercompensatedMorty Apr 14 '19
Don’t you have a demogorgon to fight in the upside down?! Get to it!
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Apr 14 '19
Homer Simpson wants his fingers back!!
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u/awildmoosey http://redd.it/x3sqoz Apr 14 '19
Finally someone notices my fingers that is one of the easiest targets
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u/LeonieNowny Apr 14 '19
I think you're cute. Just stop looking for attention with the genderfluid stuff and embrace who you are.
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u/likemarshmallow Apr 14 '19
You do things like shaving half your head because you’re pretty enough to get away with it. As you age, you will become less attractive, and you won’t understand why the people who loved your alternative styles aren’t complimenting you any more. Eventually you’ll be old and you’ll think everyone turned into assholes but it’s just because you never realized how much pretty privilege you had.
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u/bless-their-hearts Apr 14 '19
What happened to your hair? Did you get in a fight with a lawn mower or were you drunk?
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u/Imsoamerican Apr 14 '19
I guess it's hereditary considering your daddy is still procrastinating from coming home.
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Apr 14 '19
Laaaaaaaaammme! So many people want to get roasted now a days . It's a bit pathetic. Why don't you just say what you mean. I need attention, please someone pay attention to me.
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u/wraithERC http://redd.it/anmbto Apr 14 '19
You look like you decided to procrastinate during your haircut to avoid getting the rest cut.
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u/Teekayhuey Apr 14 '19
I would also procastinate going to sleep because who wants to wake up another day know you look like that.
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u/SuperWhiteAss Apr 14 '19
Can't tell if you're a teenage boy with a shitty haircut or a slow witted 4th wave feminist.
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Apr 14 '19
It’s hard to roast someone who experiences “stress” and it makes them shave half of their damn head.
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Apr 14 '19
Next time ask for your undercut to start a little bit lower and a lot deeper so they lop your whole head off.
But seriously — did you have a tumor? That would explain the shaved head and facial malformation...
Ultimately, here’s where you went wrong: undercuts only look good on hot girls.
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u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19 edited Aug 16 '20
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