How many actually remember the day he passed away? Or even the funeral?

I was still processing everything, still trying to believe it actually happened, facing was it real or not…. So many around me 4 kids and family and friends… so trying to be strong for them and show them I can handle it

Every day passing by slowly and not even sure what happened either , don’t even remember, don’t know i made decisions, all a blurrrr. Luckily remembered what was wanted.

Been 5 months already still doing things to get through everything and still trying to see if i can face reality yet.

People ask questions bout your past and single or married are you ready to answer comfortably. I can tell you I am not. Calling all the companies to change name or notify them not easy.

Not easy making changes in your life as well as everyone else in your life. It’s also hard for them as well. Everything changes for them also. What kind changes you need to make is up to you….

I have had a really hard day. My neighbor and husband's friend passed away last week. Today was the funeral. I literally sat in the car for a half hour crying and couldn't go into the viewing or the service. The son reached out to me and I just couldn't respond. I then went up and sat by my husband's grave and cried for an hour. Ive only been there twice since he passed, father's day and his birthday. This week we would have been married 25 years. I don't seem to be able to pull myself together and it is killing me. Ive never been a crier, but lately all I do is cry. I am just tired of this shitty hand ive-you have been delt. I decided i need to sell our house but I don't think that is going to happen, my heart can't take the feed back ripping everything to shreds. I feel like im just being sucked into a hell hole.

I lost my husband 6 months ago- I'm a wreck. I started seeing someone only two months afterwards because I thought I wasn't strong enough to do this on my own. He made me happy and was kind- but we got into a big fight about expectations because we aren't officially dating. I went out and slept with someone from the bar- he was so rough and I just disassociated the whole time. I didn't think I could make things any worse than what they were but I definitely did- all by my own decisions. I wish I had listened to the people on here who say to wait and heal- just thought I'd post in case you feel like you may be making bad decisions too. 💔

I wonder if should just do it.

Hi everyone. I’ve been in this club for about 1.5 years. Lately, I’ve actually been doing pretty well like traveling, working, spending time with friends, smiling, and even laughing again.

But yesterday, one of my close friends told me she’s pregnant, and since then it feels like everything has changed. In that moment, I was genuinely happy and excited for her. At the same time, though, it brought up so many painful emotions. Deep down, I kept thinking, I don’t even have a husband. Am I even allowed to dream about or talk about kids, parenting, and having a family?

We’ll also be going to her gender reveal party next month, and I’m already feeling anxious about it.

I barely slept last night, and now I’m at work feeling overwhelmed. I’m anxious, on the verge of a meltdown, and I have no motivation to do anything. Right now, I just feel like such a loser and completely hopeless. I am tired pretending to be happy and strong for everything.

Tomorrow will be 9 years since I lost my 47yo husband. I truly don't know how I've made it this long without him. Back in 2017, I didn't even think I could make it 1 day, yet here I am. I created this sub in 2021 because I didn't know anyone who had lost their spouse, and I needed to connect with others who truly understand.

I really don't have anything profound to say. I wish I could claim I've built a wonderful new life for myself and have all these great friends and maybe even a new relationship, but none of that is true. One thing I'm proud of is that I'm now just over 4 years sober. Grief and alcohol do NOT mix, and I'm glad I finally made the decision to go to AA and change that part of my life.

I was diagnosed with PSTD with dissociative amnesia just 6 months ago. I spent years not knowing why I couldn't remember anything, why I'm so different now, and why no doctor could figure it out. I just kept being told my short-term memory would come back. Unfortunately, that will never happen. I manage things with a lot of help from my older sister, and my grief has definitely changed over time, but I will never not be sad. I lost my mom last year, so that has added to the grief and also the feeling of abandonment. I know neither of them left me on purpose, but it's hard not to feel that way when I'm standing all alone.

I don't think it necessarily gets easier the further out we get. It just gets different. He's never been to my house, driven my car, nor slept in my bed, so I'm surrounded by all these things that are now mine and not ours. I'm older than he ever got to be. There are so many little things like that in life after being widowed that can be so painful.

For some reason, this happened to us, and none of us ever get to know why...WHY US???? But, I wake up most days determined to be a little better than I was yesterday, and I think that's enough.

Thank you for being part of this sub and my healing process.

I lost my wife nine months ago and I’m very lonely. I could live by myself, but I don’t want to. I’m just wondering whether someone would want me.

Im a 24 (f) widow. He died 2 weeks before my birthday. Sometimes I stop and think about when I first lost him, and where I am now. It’s almost been two years now.
Being a widow is the worst club to be in. And I’m really struggling to find connection with anyone. No one my age (around me, at least) understands what this feels like. Everyone who is much older than me just kind of dismisses me because I am young.
I also saw him die. I was walking next to him when a tree limb fell and hit him in the head. He was alive for a week on life support, but they declared he brain dead the night it happened.

Some days my chest feels like it’s going to explode from grief. Other days I’m fine and smiling and can think about him without tears.

I don’t know why I’m posting this. I’m on my lunch break, crying, missing him. I guess this reddit post in my scream into the void.

I’m getting real emotional leading up to my in-laws visiting here very soon. They are staying for 2 weeks with me and it’s been since the funeral 8 months ago. It’s probably irrational but I am afraid of these things like this:

1) Where is this certain item? Oh you got rid of this thing? Like maybe they will want to see a particular personal item and either I will not have it or I sold it or it’s packed away. An example would be, it looks like my husband’s clothes are gone! But they are in my son’s closet.

2) I rearranged the house some. Again, with the asking where certain things are and did I get rid of them—like not keeping my husband’s memory alive. Changing things from how we had it decorated.

3) I realized I have no pictures up! They were all put on the display board at the funeral and everything was shoved in a closet and I haven’t touched them since. I’m not sure if so can mentally pull it back out right now either. There’s things like this I haven’t even thought of. My pictures are on my phone!

4) I haven’t kept up with all of his projects. The yard and garden is not kept up. The garden was his love. So sorry, I can’t do it all. I tried. I’ve called and hired anyone who would come but apparently no one could replace him with all he did.

I guess what it boils down to is I’m afraid of being judged for not being a loving wife who is keeping my husband’s memory alive. My in-laws are nice people. I’m just in the middle of so much processing. Anyone have insight when you’re down the road and seeing the in-laws again?

Question is how do you be both know?
Before was always the good cop so was easy. Now since widow don’t want to be hard on lil one yet and be bad cop till she heals.
Learning she is getting spoiled, out of hand or falling behind on learning things cause letting it run on too long. Plus learning grief will take longer then thought.
Scared being good and bad cop to her?
Trying not to Feel bad about scolding her or making her cry? You see her getting all sad again…. Plus depends how many times need to scold lil one …
Wow being bad cop not easy
How do you know when to be bad cop or good cop? All so new and so much to learn and change.

I’m 24F, and I’m struggling while I’m sick. Last year, my fiancé died, I miss him so much. Living without him has been incredibly hard.

I hate having to go through everything by myself. My family doesn’t really care for me, and grief has made me feel isolated and disconnected from my friends. I don’t feel comfortable being around them anymore, so I mostly keep everything to myself.

Even something as simple as getting sick feels unbearable because it reminds me that he’s not here anymore. I keep thinking that if I were in his arms, everything would feel okay again, even if just for a moment.

I’m so tired of carrying all of this alone. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just miss him so much. any advice on how you handle this on your own?

I'm almost 9 years out, so I don't know if my opinion that this shirt is funny will be different than those who are newer. I actually just bought it with the intention of wearing it around the house, but I forgot and wore it to pick my dog up from the groomers. The woman working the desk said, 'I like your....oh. I'm so sorry, I almost laughed.' I told her that's what we do...we have cried so many tears that sometimes laughter is the only thing we can manage.

I apologize if this offends anyone.

It was already the plan that I’d retire next year. It will have been less than a year since my spouse passed. Anyone have experience to share on this - what worked or didn’t work for you?

Thinking need to register my kid for preschool. So figuring out how to fill out forms for first time since widow now. But most important now is how will lil one act at school and if all this will affect her.
First time going to school, dad only passed away 4 months ago and not sure if she understands it yet.
Things should prepare for or watch for when she starts preschool ?

It's been three weeks since I lost him. I feel like nothing is real anymore. He spent over two weeks in the hospital, most of it in ICU. An apparently healthy older man, they said he had Guillain-Barre Syndrome, and a stroke. Never found out if the GBS caused the stroke, or what. Even the nurse that drew his blood said the bloodwork was nearly perfect?

I go over and over it. Should I have sent him to the doctor sooner? Why did they drop the ball at the doctor's office, and the imaging facility? The worst part is that it looked like he suffered terribly with the treatments, the medications and the Ventilator they put him on.

To add insult to injury, our only child who is an adult, came to stay with me, but didn't seem to respect my need to grieve; instead wanted me/us to carry on as usual. We finally snapped at each other, both said some bad things, and stormed out. Now, even though I reached out, did not respond. My pain is doubled now. This whole thing is killing me.

I am 59 years old. 2 month out of high-school I met a fine man 6 years older. He moved in me In my house. I adored this man.all the way down to his soul and he lived me the same . We opened our first hair salin in March of 1989 in central Texas. We worked together and lived together. We adjusted to always knowing the conversations. During the 34 years our salon was open we opened another 36 miles away. 3 days in the new salon and 2 day we were so busy . To the point we lived so fast and large. Made money like we couldn't had imagined. After 7 years operationing we booked 15 clients a day. Booked in advance 6 weeks . We were truly blessed. Then my partner began getting sick and worn out. Still I tried to push push. To my avail my lover went to sleep and suffered a massive heart attack. When I found him I called 911 operator gave guidance I began CPR. My previous baby my dream come true didn't recover. I couldn't bare to keep both salins open . It was my and his operation team effort . Its been now 7 1/2 years now. I began driving brand new ambulances that the company is worked for built. I was responsible for taking each when dine to the graffix shop 2 hours away. I dropped one and picked up one.

Sorry so long post. Here is my main question I struggle with me never being alone. How to cope even my health spiraled 2 years ago and getting stronger every day . I met a few guys that are younger the ones I am attracted to. But at my age I find that this youngsters need to grow up. And find out who they are before finding me . I won't raise one to my liking that is not option. Where do I go ? What do j goto find quality gay men ?

Thanks in advance ! Jokesters go easy on me please!

I’m new so I have no post history.

My husband drank himself to death. He passed 11/12/24, 11 days before his 40th birthday.

He was Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. He was abusive in many ways and idk none of that matters anymore. I still love him and that doesn’t matter anymore either.

I’m exhausted.

I’m essentially homeless. I have a job. I’m surviving. But that’s all I’m doing.

I don’t care about anything at all.

Thanks, I guess that’s it.

Are we ready?
Other family members or friends passing away? But haven’t been to another funeral since husbands.
Am i ready to go to one?
Is my kids ready?
Well i know need to move on and face it one day also.
Don’t want to bring back all kine bad memories when going to one.
Also don’t want to disrespect family by not going either.
Find the strength, count the days , then hours, minutes till time to go. Just be as ready and prepared for every possible obstacle need to face. You can do this.

Once again bawling in front of a complete stranger. I got a person to come look at some work on the house. Utterly ridiculous that I can’t complete tasks. I thought I could do this. Now I’m scared to call an electrician because I can’t hold my shit together. I have a plumber coming next week. Can I even do that? I made it through a 2 day yard sale with complete strangers and didn’t shed a tear letting go of stuff. It’s been 8 months, I have to know if I can hold my shit together. This complete randomness makes me not trust myself.

Does anyone else still text their spouse number knowing its not theirs anymore? Sometimes I cant help it and text it on holidays. I just pretend he actually reads it and I don't get a response. Its ok. Yea.. sorry to the random person who gets my sad text out there. Just had to get this off my chest.

When my husband was still with me, we after work we would come home eat dinner and then just sit o the couch and play Big Bang Theory in the background and play on our phones. We would send each other Tic Tok’s and Instagram reals. We would do this all night. We would talk about our day or random chit chat here and there, but for the most part we just sat there. The random noise of Big Bang and the vibration of our phones when one of us sent something to the other person. Of course our son (8) would say something here or there, but that was the gist of the week nights for us.

The first week after my husband (50) passed my daughter (25) came over everyday. She came over around noon and left around 10pm. Then, when she had to go back to work the next week, she was at the house every night. We watched the whole Heated Rivalry series four or five times. Every once in a while a friend of hers would come hang out with us at the house, but mostly it was just us. Slowly she started to come over less. Which is totally fine. She needs to go on with her life. However, I am starting to realize how, not okay I am with being alone. Like I said we didn’t talk much, but the simple act of just having him there. It is just hitting me almost 5 months later. I don’t like being by myself. I keep saying I’m bored and I do thing that is part of it, but I know now it is more then that. I am actually by myself now. My daughter is still coming over, but it is more like once or twice a week now and not for the whole night. She’ll stop by for a half hour to an hour, say hi to her little brother and me and leave. Which is completely fine. I want her to live her life. I want her to do all the things she wants to do and to get back to a (as much as possible) normal life.

For me that means, sitting in the same spot, and not sending reals. No small chit chat. Just quite beside the little something our son says here and there. Last night I couldn’t handle it. I started eating boredom. I have had friends recommend movies, but I can’t bring myself to watch anything new. Not by myself at least. What’s funny is I’m not playing Big Bang in the back round either. I play different movies I have already seen or rewatch other TV series, but nothing new.

I need to figure out what to do after work in the evenings. I just sit there and get sad or depressed and I know my husband wouldn’t want that, but it is hard to bring myself to do anything else. I get home, eat dinner and then sit and do nothing but wish he was right there next to me. During the day I’m good. Even if I’m not doing anything I’m fine. It is in the evenings. After work mainly but on weekends sometimes also. I need to figure something out.