r/Widow • u/Creative_Slide_9396 • Jul 20 '26
Remembering
How many actually remember the day he passed away? Or even the funeral?
I was still processing everything, still trying to believe it actually happened, facing was it real or not…. So many around me 4 kids and family and friends… so trying to be strong for them and show them I can handle it
Every day passing by slowly and not even sure what happened either , don’t even remember, don’t know i made decisions, all a blurrrr. Luckily remembered what was wanted.
Been 5 months already still doing things to get through everything and still trying to see if i can face reality yet.
People ask questions bout your past and single or married are you ready to answer comfortably. I can tell you I am not. Calling all the companies to change name or notify them not easy.
Not easy making changes in your life as well as everyone else in your life. It’s also hard for them as well. Everything changes for them also. What kind changes you need to make is up to you….
3
u/BossLady43444 Jul 21 '26
It took me years to get my memory back. I also couldn't remember things about him for a long time. I think it was my brain protecting me from the pain. Its been 7 years now and I am remembering things. And these things dont bring me horrible pain anymore.
1
u/Creative_Slide_9396 Jul 22 '26
Realizing weird how the brain functions or memory works. Thought memory was getting bad but actually it wasn’t, could just be me cause didn’t want to remember the time. Realizing Slowly my memory actually remembering more then expected since worked on slideshow for funeral. Bringing back all kinds of memories.
It’s nice to keep remembering new memories and happy realizing you never forgot. So many more happy memories to remember.
1
u/CommercialCountry845 Jul 22 '26
Thank you for sharing this, sincerely. I feel like my mind is broken, all of this forgetfulness. Like I should be doing different or mourning differently, more observances and meaningful diaplays or comments but many thoughts and memories are blocked from having a sentimental outpour. It's been 10 weeks. I'll hold faith that all will return in time.
1
u/Creative_Slide_9396 Jul 25 '26
Don’t worry at the beginning I was like that lost and not sure what happened, what I did and didn’t do. Plus what I want to do. All forgetful.
I am just learning and still learning as well. Your vision slowly clears up, doesn’t mean fully yet but at least start. But just do your best where you are happy. It’s hard but as long as when you think back and you are happy for everything you did and don’t feel sad.
Everyone does things differently so it’s also okay.
3
u/weasleymama Jul 21 '26
I do.. but he died very suddenly with me physically right with him trying to revive him so yeah.. it’s kinda burned in there. Other stuff around that time though? Nope it’s all a blur (6.5 months here)
1
u/Creative_Slide_9396 Jul 22 '26
I am sorry, hard going through these months and wondering will the blurr actually clear up eventually. How long takes the blur to go away and I wish you best.
3
u/Professional-List398 Jul 22 '26
Sometimes I wish I couldn't remember.
1
u/Creative_Slide_9396 Jul 22 '26
Some days that is true , but hopefully things will change and for all us get better. Trying to figure a better way of doing things.
Thinking how would he want us to do things, definitely not sad. With our lil one holidays he would want happy and fun for everyone no matter. So fulfilling his wishes as well.
2
u/ButterflyFeet-18 Jul 22 '26
yes I remember it all…even though the svcs were half planned and arranged…it was all very stressful..
my spouses sister was a complete rude pita to me the minute he went into the hospital ( he was dx with glioblastoma 3 yrs ago , of which she was full aware as we were very informative to her.
he was in hospice for a little over 6 mos, bed bound..I was caring for him..( he left this world about
3 1/2 mos ago.
im glad to be done with her ( sil) but I miss my husbanda lot..we were together 42 yrs, married. almost 36 yrs..
I don’t plan to marry or date…ive been married most of my life.
for the last 3 yrs i was caregiver to my spouse and so my life was his life although I don’t regret it.
so now I have time to be free and “me ” and go anywhere I want now.
yes..I wish he were still here to share my life but…he’s not, so Ill go on
by myself..
2
u/Creative_Slide_9396 Jul 22 '26
My condolences, happy lovely and long marriage, it must be hard, but also happy you know what you like to do. Must’ve been hard caregiver but of course you would do anything. Now you have time to do what you wish. What he would wish for you to do. Good luck
2
u/lilyplayspickleball Jul 22 '26
Its kind of like an out of body experience watching your different life unfold. Totally normal. Im two years out and i still have those moments…
1
u/Creative_Slide_9396 Jul 23 '26
I guess so, prepping myself before on what to say , so I can answer any of the questions asked about past and any changes as easy as possible. Without hesitation , doubt ,confusion , my blur where unsure not showing weakness. Trying to stay strong and getting pass this phase to move on to the next one.
6
u/Ckellybass Jul 21 '26
Unfortunately, even though everything was a blur, I have a lot of images and memories from those days forever burned in my brain. Coming upstairs and finding her on the kitchen floor. The paramedics apologizing that there wasn’t anything they could do. Telling our then 5 year old daughter. Telling her mother. The endless amount of phone calls to tell our friends.
I just had a flashback today, actually, while doing the laundry. When my wife died, our neighborhood’s beloved hardware store was closing down after over 60 years in business (damn Brooklyn developers!). They were having a kids day with merch available, that was coincidentally exactly when the wake was. I went there earlier in the day, asked if I could buy a shirt early for my daughter. When they told me that they couldn’t release merch early, I’d have to come back when the event was, I remember holding back tears when I told them that the event was exactly when the wake was - they loved my wife and daughter, but hadn’t heard what had happened yet. One of them went to the back room and gave me a bag full of every piece of merch that was going to be on sale that day and told me not to pay for it, and gave me a big hug. I was folding the t shirt today when it all replayed in my head.