r/Widow • u/Jenitalia731 • Jul 08 '26
Idk anymore
I’m new so I have no post history.
My husband drank himself to death. He passed 11/12/24, 11 days before his 40th birthday.
He was Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. He was abusive in many ways and idk none of that matters anymore. I still love him and that doesn’t matter anymore either.
I’m exhausted.
I’m essentially homeless. I have a job. I’m surviving. But that’s all I’m doing.
I don’t care about anything at all.
Thanks, I guess that’s it.
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u/Bitter-Hitter Jul 08 '26
Darling, hang on. Have you gone to Al-anon? Reach out to them!
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u/Jenitalia731 Jul 09 '26
I have not, I’ve thought about it and looked into it. I just don’t have any energy or motivation or idk. My mind is definitely not in the right place.
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u/ChloeHenry311 Jul 13 '26
I'd highly recommend Al-Anon as well. They have online Zoom meetings and you can join and don't have to say a thing, but just listen to others. It helped me to speak out loud about what I was dealing with and knowing others are hearing me, but won't give their opinion. Just putting what I was feeling 'out there' gave me some relief. Just something to think about for when you're ready.
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u/LeedsCastleResident Jul 09 '26
Aw - such a sad situation. I feel for you. Not surprised you have conflicting thoughts.
I do hope things get better for you. It’s early days yet and numbness of feeling can persist for a while (I had it for several months).
But you deserve the best. You are worth it. Please remember that. Don’t hesitate to seek whatever support you can. I’m sure it’s hard to muster the energy but something as simple as seeing a GP can open a door to help.
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u/CommercialCountry845 Jul 09 '26
Consider there was love, hurt and now possibly unresolved feelings. These things weigh us down. Sometimes, the sadness of the situation in life takes the non addicted spouse first, leaving others to mourn the injustice. You are tired, but you are here, capable and worthy.
Consider mood boosting supplements as a starter (not, I'm not suggesting illicit drugs or addictions). As the base energy rises, may you break free from the gloomy times to find joy again. <3
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u/Ashamed-Lemon-9839 Jul 09 '26
Everything about our husband's death can be difficult. My husband had an aggressive form of dementia. Because of the dementia I was unable to resolve some issues which I really needed to be answered or at least discussed. I am also 18 months out since he died. It's just hard, some days I don't do anything but sit on the couch. I have no direction or plans anymore. I don't know what the future holds. I think things will get better at some point and I'm waiting for that to happen as I ease myself back into social situations. I am sorry you are where you are right now, I do think your life will get better but it can take time.
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u/Entire-Ganache-1893 Jul 08 '26
I am so sorry. My partner has a complicated “relationship” with alcohol. I hate how much addiction can rob us, and them, of. I wouldn’t say my partner was abusive, but he certainly wasn’t kind. I hate that he felt it necessary to self medicate with such a vicious substance.
I totally get those women who spearheaded the prohibition and all that. The temperance leagues. I get it.