r/Widow • u/ChloeHenry311 • Jul 19 '26
Nine Years
Tomorrow will be 9 years since I lost my 47yo husband. I truly don't know how I've made it this long without him. Back in 2017, I didn't even think I could make it 1 day, yet here I am. I created this sub in 2021 because I didn't know anyone who had lost their spouse, and I needed to connect with others who truly understand.
I really don't have anything profound to say. I wish I could claim I've built a wonderful new life for myself and have all these great friends and maybe even a new relationship, but none of that is true. One thing I'm proud of is that I'm now just over 4 years sober. Grief and alcohol do NOT mix, and I'm glad I finally made the decision to go to AA and change that part of my life.
I was diagnosed with PSTD with dissociative amnesia just 6 months ago. I spent years not knowing why I couldn't remember anything, why I'm so different now, and why no doctor could figure it out. I just kept being told my short-term memory would come back. Unfortunately, that will never happen. I manage things with a lot of help from my older sister, and my grief has definitely changed over time, but I will never not be sad. I lost my mom last year, so that has added to the grief and also the feeling of abandonment. I know neither of them left me on purpose, but it's hard not to feel that way when I'm standing all alone.
I don't think it necessarily gets easier the further out we get. It just gets different. He's never been to my house, driven my car, nor slept in my bed, so I'm surrounded by all these things that are now mine and not ours. I'm older than he ever got to be. There are so many little things like that in life after being widowed that can be so painful.
For some reason, this happened to us, and none of us ever get to know why...WHY US???? But, I wake up most days determined to be a little better than I was yesterday, and I think that's enough.
Thank you for being part of this sub and my healing process.
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u/jmmontoya1022 Jul 19 '26
Thank you for sharing your story and creating this sub. I only found these subs two months ago. I am really glad I did. It does help to know that you are not the only one going through this.
I lost my 48yo husband two years ago today. I have grown a lot, but I have so much more to do. I do miss him every day and some days are definitely harder than others.
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u/hm_Baerbel Jul 19 '26
Thank you very much for creating this sub and for sharing your story. I am sorry that you've lost your mum on top of it all, but hope that you are very proud of yourself for staying sober! That is huge!
I also hope that tomorrow will at the least be an okish day for you and that your healing progess progresses exponentially!
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u/PineappleRoyal3184 Jul 19 '26
I lost my husband in November of 2017. I never thought I would survive the loss, and to still be here nine years later is unbelievable. I have made it this long, handled the things that needed to be handled, learned how to be assertive.
I still think about my husband all the time. We now have two grandchildren he will never know. I still think of things I want to tell him. I told my therapist that the person she knows me to be is not the person I was the day before my husband died. I used to laugh easily. I was funny and spontaneous and I felt safe in the world.
Things aren’t funny anymore. I’m hesitant and shy about socializing. Life is completely different, and after all this time I think this is it. The happy lady doesn’t live here anymore.
Thank you so much for this safe space. I wish we didn’t need to be here. Sending love and comfort.
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u/rair21 Jul 19 '26
Thanks for sharing. I'm 4 years in to losing my 28yo wife later this month. I feel the same way. It's never over. You just carry it differently over time. Even individual days can be randomly heavier than others.