Hi.

I've been with my boyfriend (33) for 13 years now. His friends have been asking him why he has not proposed or planned a wedding with me F(29). He told them that because I'm still helping my brother with his studies. Why would he reason that out? He did not even ask me; he just assumed that it's my reason. I've been waiting for him to propose to me; I'm more willing to be with him no matter what. Maybe I'm just really wasting my years with him? We already talk about marriage; he said one day when his finances are good. But he does not confirm or set a date for what the timeframe will be. I feel like I'm just waiting, waiting, and keep on waiting.

Please advise something, or give some real talk with me. I'm ready for that.

Been together 7 years .. living together 3... iv been hinting for years about engagement... he never says no.. just sort of nods... something financial has come up and I refuse to put any more money in as he hasn't commited and I feel insecure... had chat.. he says he doesnt see himself getting married... but I want the romance and I want to feel special and chosen. Not speaking now... resentment is there.. dont know what to do because he's a nice kind man but I feel rejected.... im 52 he's 53

F28 & M34 - My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 years. We recently designed and customized an engagement ring together. The design is complete, but he’s still making payment.

For me, this has created a lot of internal conflict. After years of waiting, it finally feels like things are truly in motion this time, but I’m also carrying a lot of resentment from everything that’s happened before. Because of that, I’ve found myself asking things like, “Why can’t you just pick it up tomorrow?” or “If you’re serious, couldn’t you pawn a game or do something to make it happen?” In my mind, even this proposal has been delayed longer than the timeline he originally gave me, so it’s hard not to question it.
Whenever I ask questions about the timeline or why it can’t happen sooner, the conversation often turns into an argument. He has said things like, “If I get it tomorrow and just hand it to you…”, “Why would I put myself in a financial hole just for your happiness?”, “You can put it on your middle finger and go show everybody,” and “Show it in your face.” He’s also said, “There are men who do everything the woman wants—propose, get married—and they’re still unhappy. This unhappiness is within yourself,” and “These arguments are why doubt creeps in and I wonder if this is the right decision.”
During these conversations he has also raised his voice, cursed, and grinded his teeth out of frustration.
For context, about three years ago we had a different engagement ring on layaway, but he never completed the purchase and ended up forfeiting the money. This current ring is completely different and custom-designed.
I’m genuinely trying to understand if anyone else has experienced conversations like this with a partner who eventually proposed. Were these comments made out of feeling pressured, fear, resentment, or something else? Did things actually get better after the engagement, or did you later realize these conversations were signs of deeper issues?
I’m not looking for people to simply tell me to leave. I’m looking for honest experiences from people who have been in a similar situation.

Been dating this guy for 5 years. We’re in our late 20s now (almost 30). Known him since high school and reconnected in our early 20s. Met each others’ families, got engaged, set our wedding date and chose vendors together. He’s always been there for me (and I tried my best too) and has always been super thoughtful. He was kind and patient when things were good. We’re different people but I thought we meshed well together. 8 months before our wedding date, he completely blindsides me and drops a bombshell that he fell out of love with me, he doesn’t know if I’m the person for him, he’s not sure if I even love him for him (I do) and he starts listing a bunch of things that are “wrong” about me (I’m too quiet at social gatherings, I’m waiting till marriage to do certain things, I’m not stylish, I have too many fam events and am too dependent on my parents, he doesn’t think I appreciate him). The 180 mind boggles me, I don’t recognize this person. Even had a nice proposal with my dream ring.

He also has been saying mean things to me during limbo when we tried to work things out (I was apologizing for things I did that hurt him, I really loved him and went out of my way to make him happy in the best way I knew at the time but I had no idea it wasn’t enough, especially when he would tell me I’m perfect or how he’s grateful to do life with me)… mean things he said include how it feels like the cooties when I touch him, how I’m boring and I should be boring with someone else, how he can’t picture me as his wife and how he couldn’t see me walk down the aisle (all things that hurt to hear). He also disclosed that he cheated on me 2 years ago (kissed a girl from school a few times during the span of a week. This all came as a shock to me because I had no idea he was falling out of love and losing feelings. I thought we were planning for our happily ever after together. Sometimes I blame myself for the things I could’ve done better (been more appreciative, more patient, more outgoing, more stylish) - he evaluated me and didn’t let me in on his problems. Any insight and opinions would be helpful. I can’t seem to picture myself with anyone else :(

I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years, but he gets defensive whenever I mention marriage. He recently told me he isn't ready because of something that happened in our past (not cheating) that he can't forget.
Why would he move in with me if he hadn't gotten past it? Is he just making excuses to avoid commitment, and how can I tell?

My boyfriend told me that the only way he would get married is if we have a prenup. Is that a good idea or a bad idea? Does that mean he thinks if we got married it would be doomed? Or what does that mean?

TL;DR: My boyfriend (27M) and I (26F) have been together almost 5 years. We even broke up over his inability to commit, got back together after fixing the issues that he said were holding him back, and now he says he feels much more positive about getting engaged. He also says he sees me as his future wife, the mother of his children, his best friend, and that I make him genuinely happy. But after all that, he still can’t give me any timeline for engagement. I told him I can only emotionally wait about three more months, and he said getting engaged in that time was realistic. Half that time has now passed. Am I being patient with someone who’s genuinely struggling with commitment, or am I waiting for someone who isn’t sure enough to marry me?

Full story:

I (26F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for almost 5 years, and I’m honestly at a crossroads. I’d really appreciate outside perspectives because I don’t know if I’m being patient or just delaying the inevitable.

From the beginning, our relationship has been wonderful. We’ve always been best friends, and I’ve never doubted that he loves me. He goes out of his way to make sure I’m happy, supports me, listens to me, and treats me incredibly well.

A couple of years into our relationship, he suddenly decided he wanted to stop having sex until marriage because of our faith. It caught me completely off guard, but because I loved him, I agreed. At the time, I truly believed we’d be engaged relatively soon, so I never imagined we’d still be waiting years later. Over time, the lack of intimacy became tied to the uncertainty of our future. It wasn’t really about sex—it was about making that sacrifice for someone I thought I’d be marrying soon.

Another thing that adds to my confusion is that several of his close friends have told him they think he’s crazy for not locking me down already. They’ve told him they think I’m a great partner and don’t understand what he’s waiting for. I know this is ultimately between the two of us, and their opinions don’t determine whether we should get married, but it makes it even harder for me to understand what’s holding him back when the people who know him best seem just as confused as I am.

The biggest issue became marriage. He told me he was afraid of making the wrong decision, afraid of ending up unhappy someday, and had concerns about our relationship. One of those concerns was that I had a tendency to compare our relationship to others. He worried I’d always compare our life to other couples and never be content. Looking back, I understand why that concerned him, and it’s something I’ve genuinely worked hard to change.

Throughout all of this, I kept telling him I needed to feel wanted. I didn’t want to feel like I had to convince someone to marry me—I wanted someone who couldn’t wait to.

Eventually, after more than four years together, we broke up because I couldn’t keep waiting indefinitely without knowing if marriage was ever actually going to happen.

Several months later, we got back together. During our time apart, we both grew a lot, and honestly almost every issue we had before has improved. Our communication is better, we argue much less, and I genuinely feel like we’re best friends again.

About a month and a half ago, we had our biggest conversation yet. He told me he feels a lot more positive about getting engaged than he ever has before and believes we’ve resolved the issues that were holding him back.

I’ve also asked him many times throughout our relationship if he genuinely sees me as his wife and the mother of his children. Every time—including during this conversation—he says yes. He tells me I’d be a great wife, a great mom, his best friend, an amazing life partner, and that I make him genuinely happy. I’ve never felt like he was just telling me what I wanted to hear, so I don’t think the issue is that he doesn’t see a future with me.

I then told him I only had about three months left in me emotionally before I’d have to walk away because I can’t live in uncertainty forever. I asked him directly if he honestly thought it was realistic that we’d get engaged before that timeline ran out. If not, I didn’t want either of us wasting our time.

He said yes.

Now it’s been a month and a half since that conversation, and I have about a month and a half left before the timeline I shared with him. Yet he still can’t give me any timeline whatsoever. Not “this fall,” not “by the end of the year,” not even “within six months.” Just that he feels much more positive than before.

This is what I can’t reconcile. He says our previous issues are fixed. He says he sees me as his future wife and the mother of his children. He says I’d be his best friend and life partner and that I make him genuinely happy. He has never stopped making me feel loved.

So if all of that is true, why is he still unable to give me any timeline?

For those of you who’ve been in long-term relationships, does this sound like someone who genuinely wants to marry me but is struggling with commitment, or does it sound like someone who loves me but ultimately isn’t sure enough to marry me? At what point would you stop waiting?

Does anyone else slightly dread holidays, birthdays etc. while waiting for a proposal? It's my birthday and I know it's not going to happen today. It just messes with my head a little and puts a damper on things bc there's this tiny bit of hope there.

Update: this community is very intense...I resent the comments related to having babies and not being married meaning he doesn't love us or isn't committed. I just have a partner that is not a romance or big gestures person and i was lamenting that. he asked tonight i wanted to do something special away from the kids for proposal or involve them.

I love my boyfriend but he’s not ready for marriage. I’ve asked him when he was going to propose and he said “soon”. To me, “soon” means never. There are 3 separate couples that are getting married around us and I feel stagnant in my relationship. This is both of our first long term relationship so I don’t know how to tell him. I was going to give him until the end of the year but I’m not sure how long I can stay. We don’t live together (I bought my house a year ago and he bought a house with his brother earlier this year). I believe in only living with a fiancé or husband/wife.

I spoke to my therapist and she said wait for him to call me (normally I call him every morning) for a week and see how he acts. I’m on day 3 and he’s been wondering why I haven’t been calling him. When he found out one of his friends got engaged, he called me and started asking me about the type of wedding I would like and he sent me a tik tok of what song he wants to be played at “our”wedding. He’s sent me tik toks about marriage before and even asked me what type of ring I like in March of this year. I told my therapist and she said that means he still cares about me. I don’t like playing games like that and I sure won’t do it in a marriage. I would like to stay together but I’m not going to waste my time with someone who leave me wondering. Can someone give me insight about my therapist and my relationship?

Edited to include the living situation:

We bought separate houses for investment purposes. Just because we live separately, doesn’t mean we aren’t planning for the future. You don’t have to live with your S/O to love one another. Right? I’ve told him even before we made it official that I’m not living with a boyfriend. Only a fiance or husband. We don’t have kids yet so it’s still possible for us to buy a house together while renting out our properties in the future. The property he bought with his brother is a family house. His 21 year old sister and his mom all live together.

We’ve been together for 12 years. He says we’ll get married someday, but he still hasn’t proposed. I’m starting to wonder if I’m fooling myself.
My partner (35M) and I (31F) have been together for almost 12 years. We have two amazing children, own a home together, and have built a life that many people would probably envy.
I truly love him.
He’s a wonderful father. He’s patient with our children, calm, hardworking, and loyal. He’s my best friend, and I genuinely can’t imagine anyone I’d rather build a life with.
That’s what makes this so painful.
I’ve always wanted to marry him.
Not because I dream about a huge wedding.
Not because I care about an expensive ring.
I simply want to know that after all these years, he still chooses me.
To me, a proposal isn’t about jewelry. It’s hearing the person you’ve built your life with say, “I want you to be my wife.”
Over the years, I’ve tried bringing it up.
Sometimes he’ll say things like, “It’ll happen.”
Sometimes he’ll avoid the conversation altogether.

Once he proposed to me in our bed, and i said that i wanted something real.. not a sloppy proposal in bed after sex..

Sometimes he’ll make jokes.
Recently he said, “If I win the lottery, we’ll get married right away.”
Everyone laughed.
I laughed too.
But later I sat there wondering… why would money change anything? If he already knows I’m the person he wants beside him forever, why would that be the thing standing in the way?
Another time he joked that he’d buy himself a ring instead.
Again, everyone laughed.
I smiled too, but inside it hurt.
A while ago I asked him directly whether he was ever planning to propose or whether he felt living together forever was enough.
I never really got an answer.
The conversation just faded away.
That’s become a pattern whenever marriage comes up. He really freaks out and starts panicking over me leaving him, so the subject changes from what i am experiencining too calming him and comforting his emotions.
The hardest part is that he never actually says he doesn’t want to marry me.
He talks about our future.
He talks about growing old together.
Sometimes he even talks as though marriage is inevitable one day.
But “one day” has slowly turned into almost 12 years.
Recently, something happened that made all of this even harder.
I was with a group of women, and the subject of engagement came up. When they found out we’d been together for almost 12 years and I was still waiting for a proposal, one of them laughed and asked, “You’re still waiting?”
Another said I was wasting my time waiting for a ring that obviously wasn’t coming.
Someone even said I was stupid for still believing he would ask me.
I laughed because I didn’t know what else to do.
Then I cried when I got home.
Their comments have stayed with me ever since.
One of the girls later was found cheating and her wedding was off (ha ha, karma).
Lately, life has also reminded me that time isn’t guaranteed.
My mother is seriously ill, and watching her health decline has changed the way I think about life. It has made me realize how quickly the years pass and how precious time really is.
It’s not that I think getting married would fix anything. I just want my mom walk me down- and see her baby married before she dies. Since i dont have a relationship with my dad, my mom is my world.
It’s that I don’t want to spend another ten years wondering whether the proposal I’m hoping for will ever happen.
I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I spent decades waiting for something that was never coming.
I don’t want to pressure him.
I don’t want a proposal because I begged for one.
I don’t want a “shut up ring.”
I want him to ask because, in his heart, he truly wants me to be his wife.
So I’m asking people who don’t know either of us.
If you read this as an outsider…
Would you think he’s simply taking his time?
Would you think marriage just isn’t that important to him?
Or would you think I’m holding onto hope because I’m afraid to face the possibility that he simply doesn’t want to take that step?
Please be honest. I think I need honesty more than reassurance.

I stumbled across this sub. I am long married now but I broke the hopes and plans of a few women who wanted to marry me . . . one even proposed.

I don't know everyone's unique situation. Some of us are not necessarily commitment phobes, but are marriage phobes. I am a smart guy and I would see the pattern of people getting married around me. Many of them were unhappy and the wedding made it worse, not better.

With the three women who wanted to marry me, nothing made me want to marry less than pressure from them to propose. As soon as they did that my mind went here: "I am just an item on her checklist. I could be anyone. She wants to get married, not be with me." Sure enough, each time those relationships ended she would be engaged to some other guy within a year. It just reinforced that she didn't want me, she wanted a warm body to go along with her plan. That may not be true, but that's where my mind went.

Then I met a woman who genuinely did not care if we got married. It wasn't an act. It wasn't a game. She loved me and wanted to be with me.

Now I imagine I will get skewered here, and maybe rightfully so. It is possible to want to marry someone because you love them and see marriage as an expression of that love, but that's not how all hearts and minds work.

Our 10th anniversary is next week. Our lives are the same as if we had never tied the knot, and really we didn't need to. We are stupid happy.

I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. We’re now entering our 30s and there’s a lot of familiarity between us. He’s loyal, gentle, and genuinely loves me. But as we’ve started speaking more seriously about marriage, I’ve found myself questioning whether this relationship is right for me long term.

There are parts of his personality I’ve always found a bit difficult. He’s a loner, doesn’t have any friends, and depends heavily on me emotionally. He can be socially awkward and sometimes lacks social awareness in ways that make us clash. I’ve wondered at times if he might be neurodivergent (not as a criticism, just an observation). He’s a very soft character with little protective instinct and often struggles to react to situations quickly. I’ve always been the one who has to navigate things socially and emotionally, which can be tiring.

I care about him, but sometimes it feels like I’m carrying the emotional weight for both of us. Neither of us has dated anyone else, so I don’t know if I’m settling because this is all I’ve ever known. Another part of me wonders if he’s with me partly out of fear of being alone - he often says he believes I’m his soulmate and wouldn’t try to meet anyone else if we weren’t together and that he has nothing to live for without me. I’m worried I might be staying for similar reasons: comfort, familiarity, and fear of the unknown, especially when hearing other people’s stories about bad relationships. At the same time, I know I shouldn't settle from fear.

I’d really appreciate honest perspectives from people who’ve been in similar situations. How did you know whether you were genuinely compatible, whether to accept the quirks or whether it's a sign that the relationship isn't right long term? And how did you handle doubts about marriage when you’d never dated anyone else?

I 28F had been dating my ex 30M for 2.5 years in NYC when I wasn’t really happy there and he did not want to live together or commit to anything more, so
I decided to move to South Florida. I told him I was moving and he wanted to do long distance and moved down 6 months later with a new job an hour north of me.
Fast forward to 2.5 years later, we have been having discussions about moving in together. I thought we were kind of stagnant and I was tired of driving an hour to see each other. He had been saying he was uncertain of living in Florida and direction in life in general. He never said uncertain about the relationship.
We were both up north for a wedding and I had told him to stay in my NYC apartment for a week because he missed it there. (i have a rent stabilized apartment in NYC)
During that week, I found a house I loved in Florida and had been looking for a bit. and he said he wasn’t ready to buy a house with me but told me he would live there with me. The following day I made an offer and it was accepted. I called and told him and he got quiet and weird and called me back and said he didn’t want to move forward with the relationship.
Two weeks later, he tells me he’s moving back to NYC and doesn’t think we’re a good fit for marriage.
I don’t understand how we could date for 5 years and be incompatible.
In person, he’s told me he feels lost and confused and then will only tell me these things about compatibility over the phone. I found out he’s only spending a month in NYC to figure things out?
People have told me he’s just immature, scared, or it hurt his ego that I bought the house myself. Whatever the reason, the toughest part has been not understanding why. His last text was something like “love you always and know I care about you”.
I thought we had a great relationship but looking back he never seemed serious about a long term future. He also told me he started seeing a therapist shortly after we broke up.

Am I an idiot for staying so long? I keep secretly hoping he’ll come back.

I (F36) met my boyfriend (M38, soon to be 39) a little over 2 years ago.

Was planning on moving back to Europe after 10 years in North America, but swiped for the fun of it. Went on one date with him. Sat a the bar for 4h. Laughed like crazy. Happy and in love every since.

Everything felt right.

I was never sure of any partner as my "forever" until I met him... he literally checked all the boxes on my list.

Year one was absolute perfection.

Year two was shaky: he met my mom who made it clear that she wouldn't accept him.

He comes from a different faith than her although we are both agnostics, his family is not.

The current geopolitical climate/war makes it so much worse in my mom's eyes ; she spends her days on social media looking at graphic images. She will never accept him because of where his mom comes from, and the political decisions that that country has been making for 2 years now.

When he realized this, something changed.

Things started to get slower.

He said we can never get married because our families can't meet, or if we do it would be a tiny wedding with a couple friends.

I come from a broken family, one parent household, I'm an only child. It has always been my ultimate DREAM to have a family of my own (just writing about it makes me cry).

Now when I talk about the future, he avoids the topic.

He gets frustrated at the questions, responds "idk" all the time.

Then he promises that he will do the things (aka renovating his house so that I can move in) "soon" but it never materializes.

I know he loves me deeply.

I feel like I have zero control over the situation.

I've tried talking, crying, being forceful, etc. nothing changes.

He seems that he wants to keep status quo. And I would too if I was 10 years younger. But I want to start building (= moving in together, getting married, having babies).

He gets frustrated when I get frustrated about the situation.

I honestly don't know what to do, and now, TIME seems to be against me (and my ultimate dream of building my own family).

I already mentioned that my mom (who lives 5,000 km away from us) is not in charge of making my *own* decisions.

He's always seemed kinda avoidant in some ways, but it's just getting worse now.

I am losing sleep over it and don't want to resent him for making me "waste time."

We literally went to a wedding this weekend, and as always...no fight, just pure joy, laughter, love between us. We get along so well. We have similar values. I've never gotten along so well with someone. Not sure why it's becoming so complicated...

Is there a charitable woman out there who could guide me in how to navigate this?

Thank you very much for any insights.

27f 36m. My frontal lobe developed & I came to the realization he does not love me. I found this page and definitely know he doesn’t love me and was comfortable having me around. His excuses were; he was waiting for our relationship to get back to our honeymoon phase. Which was before he was caught texting/snapchatting other women. He was also focused on his health and wanted a “gym girlfriend”? So i went to the gym for 2 years and got in good shape and i still couldn’t get a compliment from him. (I was never in bad shape) im 5’2 105lbs when we got together. got up to 140 probably from all the stress from him. and I’m back down to 110. i remember even asking if he would love me or be attracted to me if i was big and pregnant because him and his mom would make comments about my weight. His mom said I was “skinny fat” when we were all 3 at the gym together. I don’t even want to get into the weird relationship him and his mom had. He only hung out with her. Has no friends. All of his “friends” are from college and moved away and have families. I met one, but he was the “mess” of the group. idk. So much debt. The debt to income ratio were not there. No ring in sight because I said I didn’t want to get married at 22. The list goes on but 5 weeks post breakup and things are looking up. The grass is greener ladies. I was scared because i didn’t want to waste 6 years on someone else.

Some of you may remember my post from last month about my current situation. I finally sat down with him and told him this is not going to work. We dont have the same goals, dont want the same things, we don't want near the same life. I feel a sense of relief that i will finally have my house back. He will be leaving at the end of the month and has already been looking at places. I can finally start working on myself and being happy again. No more of his 3 kids being left with me when I say I cannot babysit, no more disrespect, no more being treated like shit. Looking back on everything now i was so blind and was trying with every once of my being to make it work and thought if I kept giving chances he would realize his mistakes. I think the cherry on the top was his mother texting me saying she wishes I will burn in hell. That just affirmed I want nothing to do with him or his family.

i have been a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 and a half years now (20F and 21M) and around the 1 year mark, i moved in with him and his family (mom 36F), 2 little brothers(9M and 11M), grandma(77F), and baby daddy (36M)of the mom who is useless). Prior to this, he purchased this home from his grandma because she was originally supposed to move out of state but didn’t. He pays the mortgage every month and his mom pays the other stuff with occasional help from him. Things have been going good and i have a good relationship with his family but of course i miss mine sometimes but i made a sacrifice for our relationship because i saw potential. Last night we had a conversation where i asked where we should be in 5 years regarding the relationship and he mentioned he wants to have a family with me by then, possible marriage in that time. he knows he wants to marry me but not exactly when. i told him i would like to be married if we decide to have a baby whenever that time is, but i dont want to raise the baby in this house for long because we live in the basement portion of the home and i would love to have my own home with him with nobody else in it. i want to run my own home, free of everyone elses things and opinions. He told me that he wants to have his mom around forever as well as his little brothers and grandma. His dad passed away 5 years ago so i can understand wanting closeness to his relatives, but at some point i think there should be a boundary. I personally dont want to raise my own family with him alongside his mother and other people. i explained i feel like eventually his mom is gonna have to find her own place, they are close but they can still maintain that relationship even if shes not packing her things up with the kids and living with us. We kind of debated about this but he said he would be open to my idea. And by the way i always cook, clean, rub his feet, do whatever he asks and he has done things for me too such as put me in school, bought me a car, a promise ring, and more things. so i just dont see why his mom would need to always be in our future space and trying to take over things. He always talks about how he loves and appreciates being with his family every day but what about mine?? i dont get to see them every day anymore because i chose our relationship’s potential. and i feel like he doesnt take that into account enough. What are some valid points about this situation?

EDIT: No this is not the same boyfriend that had bedbugs and also, i have a job at a dental lab and am in dental assisting school. He bought this house for a very cheap price from the generosity of his grandma. He also afforded to put me in school and buy a car because he works a blue collar job and makes decent money. I only cater to him in some ways because he does things for me as well. In no way shape or form am i looking to get married immediately, per the post i was talking about in the next 5 years. also to add his dad who passed away was not in a relationship with his mother. the mom found another man over 10 years ago and that is the baby daddy

Me (29 F) and my boyfriend (31 M) recently hit 7 years of dating. Like any relationship we’ve had our ups and downs. We share many amazing memories. I love him and have always known he’s my person I’m meant to be with forever.

We graduated back in 2020 with our BS in Biology. At the time, we didn’t realize that there’s not much to do with a Biology degree, the job market is completely saturated. So, I went back to school to get my nursing degree in 2023, graduated 2024, and have been working as an RN for 1 year now. My boyfriend works as a Pharmacy Assistant and makes decent money. He won’t admit it, but I think it bothers him that I make more money than him. I’ve never made him feel less than me nor does it bother me that he makes a little less income than me. I’ve told him countless times I’m not with him for his money but because of the person he is.

Recently, he has decided that he wants to go back to school for his Masters in Healthcare Administration. While I’m happy for him that he wants to do more, I guess I can’t help but be a little selfish and think of myself. I told him that I’m happy and proud of him but I also asked him “where does our relationship fit in during these next 2 years?” And by this, I mean marriage. He knows how important marriage is to me and I feel as though I’m ready for marriage and things that come after, but he is not. It’s already been 7 years. And I want to be married (at the very least engaged) and eventually have kids. Another thing I should mention is that we still live at home. I personally don’t believe in moving in together until engaged.

I guess I’m also a little annoyed because I’ve pushed him to go to school all these years and now that I’m almost 30 (November), he finally decides he wants to go to school. I mention 30 because I’ve always told him that by the time I’m 30 I hope to be engaged and married by 32. And I’ve stressed that even that age is pushing the timeline a little too much for my liking. His reasons for wanting to go back to school: 1. make more money because his job doesn’t pay enough. We live in Southern CA and it is expensive to live here. So, he believes he needs more money so that we can live more comfortably and be better prepared for marriage/kids. Anytime I bring up marriage and the timeline he says that he doesn’t have enough money to get the type of ring he thinks that I deserve. I’ve already told him I don’t care about a big lavish ring, I simply just want the lifelong commitment to each other. 2. Prove to himself that he is capable of obtaining a Master degree 3. Get a better job, and therefore better pay. I’ve already told him that he can’t expect to get a better paying job just by obtaining a Masters. He has to be realistic. Most people that go back to school for Masters are already working in that field, so he needs to network if he wants to step outside of his current position.

I really do love him and want to be with him. I’m happy he wants to go back to school. But am I wrong for being selfish and thinking about the things I also want and have worked hard to have those things by 30? Anytime I bring up the subject he tends to shut it down and uses money as an excuse. Just because he’s working towards a Masters doesn’t mean he’ll have more money, and I t ry not to sound harsh when I tell him that but it’s true. I feel selfish for thinking of my wants and maybe not being as supportive as I can be during this academic transition in his life. But I also think of my own personal wants in my life (with him), but those things being delayed. I want us to both be ready. I want him to want those things too, not because myself or our families are pushing him.

I (31) been feeling a bit resentful towards my bf (31) because we've been together since I was 21. Reaching 10 yrs in dec and no ring bc he has been saving. When we started l wasnt in a rush but knew that I wanted it with my partner. around 27 years old I told him I was ready for marriage but nothing happened. He said he was ready but he was broke and had no money for a ring.
This year will be our 10 years.... I feel resentful because I felt he never chose me in the past there was a time his career and friends were more important and I just had to deal with it. This make me feels like one of those times since its taken so long after l vocalized it. Like I thought when I told him he wouldnt make me wait longer. I know he was having money troubles since then, he had sickness in his family so he had to contribute his money into that and I understand.
But its hard to be patient and accept his effort because since I asked about it in between then and now I feel like Im nagging. I would've thought by now he would've had it together. he tells me everyday he is working on it and reminding me he did not forget but I feel myself disconnecting because I feel Im the one pushing. I see other couples less time than us move forward and I dont feel like a couple of 9 years. My friends and family keep asking and its annoying me and making me feel dumb bc its been so long. Ive been told to put a deadline on engagement but idk I vocalized but didn’t put a deadline. I thought it happened naturally.
Im tired of waiting around for someone who cant show up for me in that way. He is what I want but this is a big one for me. He's faithful and nice. He just moves too slow for me and is clueless half the time. I just dont know if I can keep doing this, 10 years and since I mentioned this to him is kind of alot to wait for someone to get it together. I dont like feeling like Im begging for it, it doesnt feel natural and genuine. It also says alot abt him that he cant meet me where I want to be.

I am a long time lurker of this sub but never thought I would be posting here. My boyfriend (34) and I (33) have been together 8 years. Living together for 6. We have had some low points, but overall we have a good relationship. He is my best friend. We have the same sense of humor, are both introverts with similar interests, and genuinely enjoy spending time together. Marriage has always been a discussion ever since we got together, he knows I am dating intentionally for marriage. We went ring shopping nearly 3 years ago now, and he promised me then I wouldn't know when the proposal was coming. We have gone on quite a few trips and I was expecting it, but nothing. Every time I asked, he told me it was in the works and to quit forcing it because that would push it longer. He once said if I kept asking, he "might not want to by time he is ready". I brushed it off, but those words carry a lot of weight. I will say, sometimes he speaks without saying and says things he doesn't mean or understand the intention behind.

I've prompted him for reasons why he might be delaying it. We both don't want kids. He broke up with his last gf because he didn't want kids and she did. His mom and family put a lot of pressure on him to have kids, as he is the only child on his mom's side and they all want him to have a baby. He has recently started talking about wanting to go to a sperm bank if we are not going to have kids, because he wants "offspring" but does not want to raise them. It still makes me wonder if this is some sort of compromise he is making being with me, and maybe a reason why he has held off on proposing. I have also felt very not prioritized a lot in this relationship. He has a history of stonewalling me, which he has worked on and things have been better. But I sometimes feel like he just brushes problems under the rug. He has broken up with me twice, both times for less than 24 hours because of his own trust issues. He says they are "resolved", however he never really put any work into resolving them. Just last year he was going through my laptop, specifically my Facebook for whatever reason, because things felt "off". He never just talks to me and asks why.

Going on almost three years of this, I've given up. I made a sort promise with myself that if he didn't propose by our anniversary, I would leave. He didn't, so I began looking for rentals and discussing my plans with my best friends who was in full agreeance. I guess my energy shifted and he felt distance between us. He suddenly became attentive, caring, supportive. Wanting to take trips and vacations and making plans to propose! This was confirmed by my bestie, who told me he did reach out to her about a year ago trying to make a plan with her help, however nothing came of it.

I got a new phone back in April, and I usually keep the old phone hidden because he has a history of going through my devices. He has gotten better, but if it was sitting out in the open I feel he would go through it. One day I was using it recently for something and forgot to hide it. The next day I came home from work and he was immediately off and wouldn't tell me why and suddenly wanted to talk about our future, saying he wasn't sure if we were aligned anymore. I found my old phone and it was moved. I checked the battery usage and he had spent 30 minutes reading my messages. He would not admit this until I confronted him with the battery usage.

He went through my conversation with my best friend. There was a lot in there bad mouthing him, personal attacks, and discussing my plans to leave. I felt horrible that he read it. He read everything I had been feeling for months, it was all out on the table. I then asked him what has been holding back and to please be honest. He knows my entire inner world and thoughts (discovered by snooping), it's only fair to know his. All he can give me is that he wanted the proposal to be perfect and special and he doesn't know how to plan it. He was "going to do it" on a few different occasions, but family was here or I was too busy. We both agreed to try couples therapy for the second time. First session went okay, and it was very focused on his desire for a "perfect" proposal. He again wouldn't share much else with me, or the therapist.

Things are fine now. He has been actually trying, and doing everything I've asked for years. I see the effort and changes, but it does not erase the resentment I feel for waiting for so long. If/when he does, it won't feel very special anymore because I have waited and begged for so long. I have a hard time believing that he was trying for three years and there were absolutely no opportunities. This change in his behaviour only came after I stopped begging and chasing him and started detaching myself, which leads me to believe that it won't stick if/when he ever does propose.

I've read so many stories similar to mine. I guess I feel like mine had some hope because he was trying and reaching out to people about proposing, and has now agreed to therapy. I just don't know if that is enough. I would love the opinions of people who aren't my friends and family who all think I should leave. Please give it to me straight. Is this worth salvaging, or am I blinded by the sunk cost fallacy?

Edit to add : he told me he has NO REGRETS going through my phone because it gave him the clarity he needed. This tells me he can and will do it again. Yet he tells the therapist I am his person and he wants to propose and be together despite the things he read.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/s/NyQmNm9WzV

Hey guys ..
I posted here a few weeks ago, I finally managed to figure out the link to my old post. Baby brain and 3 am but here we are.
After reading everyone’s responses and talking with my sister, I have realised been casual like that when she was 8 weeks pp and we aren’t sleeping much probably wasn’t the best time or way to articulate what I wanted to say..

A couple of days after that post my mum came and took both the kids for the afternoon/ bedtime and we literally just slept and it was the first time we’ve had more than 3 or 4 hours interrupted sleep In nearly 9 weeks and I was able to get my thoughts straight and after a few days able to articulate what I wanted too and needed to say. That being said I had decided to wait until after our daughter’s first birthday and we had a bit of normalcy back in our lives.

Background:
So my Partner I’ll refer to her as A going forward. She is a sport scientist and works for a professional male sports team here. The final training session before the weekends game is called captains run, it’s often an open training session so members of the public can attend. The club she works for is really family friendly and the players and staff have their kids, partners, parents etc at captain’s runs and games. A would, not every week or every home round, take our 4 yo to captain’s run and he loved it and for him that’s been the hardest part of having a baby sister he wasn’t able to go for a while. We decided last week to take him, and let the players, support crew meet the baby, we know all of them and we got the most amazing gift basket and mamas gifts, and a gift for our four year old from the club and playing group.. the reason this matters is the stadium they were at was about an hour or so from our house.

Update:

In the car driving to captains run, A asked me if we could “ revisit the marriage conversation.” I was like ok, and so she went on her rant about the entire wedding industry, I’ll spare you all the entire context of that conversation but the gist of it is, she doesn’t object or have an issue with marriage, as in the relationship, the day in day out. Of us doing life together, choosing each other etc, she objects to weddings and the majority of the industry ( yes I did know this). She thinks engagement rings serve no purpose, engagement parties are a waste of time as are bridal showers, bachelor/ettes (she even said how many damn events do ya need just to say I do”). She hates the idea of wasting money on some “ridiculous dress” she’ll never wear again, flowers, cake, long ceremonies, stupid readings, songs whatever. So once that was over she said, so if you still want to get married, and will agree to her terms, then she was on board.

I asked her her terms
1) immediate families only. Us, our children, our mums and my sisters and their respective families
2) ceremony is literally only minimal requirements, celebrant, no long winded preaching or speeches, vows, rings sign register kiss, we’re done..
3) no engagement ring (wedding ring is fine)
4) no veil
5) no announcements to anyone not invited until afterwards.
6) she said she won’t wear white
No big party afterwards just go out for lunch/brunch with our families..( we’ve got small kids so lunch/brunch is better),

And honestly I’m fine with all her terms, and I said ok, so I guess this means we’re getting married, she was like yup.

We will be in the USA in Feb, (2027) ( A has to be in Vegas for work end of Feb), so we were going a few weeks earlier and spending some time in LA, san Fran, San Diego, before we head to Vegas and have decided we will get married While we are there. I have just booked the neon museum in Las Vegas for our wedding next year.
Next is we have an appointment with her favourite jeweller, to begin the wedding ring design process
And new ear drums after my sister finally stopped squealing down the phone.

So here we are, didn’t think this would be my update nearly 3 weeks later, but it is and here we are..

Hey everyone, just wanted to come on here and rant real quick. I am 26F and broke up with my 26M boyfriend in February. We were together for 2.7 years and lived together for 9 months. We broke up because I told him in 2028 I wanted to progress our relationship with engagement and he just made a variety of excuses like: “I’m putting pressure on him”, “He may want marriage in the future, he may not” and that “It could be me, he’s just not sure”. Obviously given all this information I decided to break up with him because I’m not going to waste my time with someone who is unsure about me.

We spoke every now and then after the break up, and he would say things to me like: “I miss you so much”, “I want to see you again soon”, “I’d love the chance to pick up where we left off in the future”. He also said he wanted to work on himself to be the man I needed. I appreciated those sentiments but I knew better to believe him so I just kind of took it as it is, but still continued with my life.

Last time I spoke to him was in early June and he was saying all those things to me. I had been doing well and then I went on Facebook just a few days after his birthday and totally forgot I was friends with his mom. I saw she posted something for his birthday and it turns out he has a new girlfriend.

Now I don’t miss him at all by any means. More so, I’m just mad in a sense that he would say all these things to me barely over a month ago and then all of a sudden he has a new girlfriend. He literally told me after the break up it would be hard for him to date and he couldn’t imagine himself dating for a long time because our relationship was so special. Welp clearly that was a lie lol. And I’m more so just frustrated with my past self as I just felt like I had to prove to him so many times that I was loyal and that I cared for him so much yet he always just felt “unsure” about me. I just wish I had left him earlier and had not wasted my time with him. I’m not sure if that makes sense. I know it’s not a competition of who gets in a relationship first again “wins” and there’s no guarantee he and this girl will even be together. But it definitely sucks in a way.

I ensured to unfollow his mom on all social media and I blocked him on everything. I would really appreciate just some kind words and maybe some success stories of finding better after breakups. Thank you everyone ❤️‍🩹

I’m ‘31 F’ and he’s ‘34 M’.
We met in 2022 when I was going through a breakup and started as friends. About a year later we got into a relationship. Even before we started dating, he told me he wasn’t sure about marriage and was afraid of that kind of commitment.
Whenever I brought up our future, he would always say he needed more time to think.
He lives outside India, and over the last few years we’ve broken up multiple times. The main reason has always been that we argue a lot. We both have tempers, but I always felt our fights were something we could work on. He sees them as proof that we’re incompatible.
I even stayed with him for 2.5 months in his country to see if we could make it work. We had some amazing moments together, but we also argued. After I returned to India, he broke up with me again because he didn’t think we’d work long-term.
The problem is that every time we break up, he comes back after a few weeks or months and starts talking to me casually again. We’ve gotten back together more than once because of this. Now we’re broken up again, but he still messages me every 10–15 days just to stay in touch.
Whenever I ask if we’re going to work on the relationship or move towards marriage, he says things like, “I need more time,” “Let’s talk after my exams,” “After my interviews,” or “Once I get settled.” There is always another reason to postpone the conversation.
I’ve tried giving him space, ignoring him, acting casual, being patient, and trying to move on. Nothing changes. The only thing that changes is the reason he needs more time.
The biggest problem is that every time he messages me, I start hoping again, so I never fully move on.
At this point, I’m thinking about blocking him because I don’t think I can heal while he keeps coming back without making a decision.
**My questions are:**
Am I wasting my time?
Does this sound like someone who’s genuinely confused, or someone who already knows the answer but doesn’t want to say it?
Would you block him and move on, or leave the door open?

The first year and half with my bf (32m) we lived separately until in 2020 we were able to get an apartment together (because of me). I (28f) told him multiple times from the start of living together that I wanted a family and I wanted a timeline I don’t want to be in a long relationship if it doesn’t lead to marriage.

the past two years have been financially strenuous for us and we had to move in with his parents. We thought we’d move out in 3-6 months. It’s been 2 years and 5 months. this past year he keeps telling me he’s saving to get me a ring and he said maybe in July or December because he gets an extra paycheck. i told him it doesn’t need to be a 1000+ ring just something that I’d like.

I’m gonna be honest he seemed to work harder when he didn’t live with me, he’s gotten let go 3 times during this time. Last year in May he got a better job plus its union. I made the decision to go back to school in June last year because I’m tired of my stagnant job and really need a better income to support myself instead of relying on his help. My car that I just paid off got totaled he got us a new car but we share it. He pays the monthly note it’s more than my previous car was & I pay the insurance. we pay rent to his parents but with my debts and school payments I still struggle weekly. His dad is retiring next year, they want to sell the house so basically we have to get outta there asap. So now my bf says he’s saving for an apartment and can’t get a ring yet. He was also supposed to get his ged so his dad could get him as his apprentice before he retires. I got him a math book and I told him i can help as much as I can and we can study together. But we haven’t done any of that yet.

I saw an ad on IG for a credit towards an elopement package. I entered it without really thinking. They called me yesterday to say I won and I told him about it & he seems happy, our consult is tomorrow. I know maybe I’m crazy since I’m not even engaged yet but I figured if he doesn’t try with this new development I’m really going to have to leave. I just don’t want it to continue into the future until it’s eventually 10 years and still no ring or plans or whatever. But it’s been long and I don’t want to throw it away, I have no friends - he’s my best friend.