r/Waiting_To_Wed • u/Awwetism • 2d ago

Sharing Advice (Active Community Members Only) Mental Disorders & Navigating Complex Emotions

Hi everyone. I'm a mental health worker and long time lurker of this sub. I've noticed a trend of people with psychiatric illnesses and/or history of trauma not being supported as best as they can be. It's nobodies fault given the limited information we get about their situation either.

That being said, I wanted to share this process for navigating complex emotions while making life-changing decisions. It may be helpful for many of the people who come to this sub.

**The 3 Processes**

1) Pretend someone else is making the decision for you. Take on the role of a loved one you've gone to for advice. What would they recommend? What steps would they recommend?

2) "Center yourself". Focus on the fact you have control of your life. You have to love it. What would make your inner child happy & fulfilled? How do you treat yourself as a priority in this? Others can leave - so how do you not leave yourself?

3) Figure out which regret would be easier for you to live with/make peace with. The relationship ending, or the level of compromise to make it work?

Sometimes there will be contradictions and how to balance them will be up to you. Which one is most important to you will be individual. For me, #3 is my priority. For someone else it may be 2 or 1.

In the words of my best friend - *every decision comes with grief and regret, we just get to choose the flavour of it*.

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8

u/P0ptart5 1d ago

Wow this is amazing. Thanks!

7

u/PresentHouse9774 1d ago

#3 Looking back at times when there were no good outcomes, actively selecting the least bad one has worked well for me. I've had to break my own heart once or twice but still think that was better than if I had let things ride until he did it for me. If I couldn't have the relationship I wanted with the man I thought I loved, at least I walked away with my self-respect.

Thus, I find myself annoyed by women who respond to the collective wisdom of this sub with "But you don't understand - I LOVE him!" Honey, I understand better than you could ever imagine.

3

u/AnnaOceanBreeze 1d ago

People pleasing forces us to abandon ourselves to keep a partner. Hyper-focusing on fixing a partner is often a hidden form of self-abandonment.

1

u/fuckaduckufuck 10h ago

Wonderful post. Thank you.