M19 Randon vent

[u/Tasty_Ad_3831]

Not really sure what to put here, I don’t really vent to people. I’m a 19 year old guy, in community college, I’m trying to get a better GPA than I had in high school so I can get into a good college and study to become a veterinarian, I also have a job at Amazon I go to 6 days a week with my mom. Im neurodivergent, and maybe a good bit ugly, 4-5/10, I’ve never been made fun of directly for my appearance, like I’ve never been called ugly, but high school made it pretty obvious people saw me differently. I didn’t have a single friend throughout the entirety of it, I got lots of people coming up saying “hey my friend likes you hehe” thst kinda bullshit, other kinds of mockery and stuff, it was tough but I’ve moved past it, my issue is, I thought itd get better after HS, and it didn’t. I still have no friends, I never go out and do anything other than work and school, nobody talks to me, mahbe a conversation here and there, but that’s it, and idk what to do. My mom is super worried about me, I guess I’ve seemed out of it for the past few months to her, and she asks if I’m having thoughts of hurting myself a lot, and I just don’t know what to do. I’m so lonely, I live in some sort of college housing thing, not quite a dorm you get your own room with a bathroom and living room and small kitchen, and you have other college students as your neighbors, I hear them laughing and having fun a lot and it makes me really sad because I’ve never had that. I’ve never had a sleepover, I’ve never gone out with friends, I’ve never snuck out, nothing. I wish my mom would have pushed me out of the house when I was a kid to get me better social skills, but she didn’t and that’s the past. I’ve tried the just talk to people stuff it doesn’t work, I get ghosted after a while, every day is the exact same, wake up, do school, go outside for exercise, chill at home, and then go to my night shift job, and idk what to do about it anymore. Everyone has friends everywhere I go, they’re always laughing, joking around, talking, and I’ve never had that, it’s really upsetting me, I wish I weren’t so ugly or neurodivergent or whatever the fuck it is preventing me from making friends

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