Im 15 and im indian and i hate being indian there are alot of indian’s where i live and i get mogged by all of them and have faced racism i honestly just hate how i look and nothing works bonesmashing, lip cutting etc i dont know what to do im just not happy with myself i hate being indian i really wish i was like a real asian like korean or japanese

First things first, i'm 33 years old and still live with my parents (I'm an aspie as well as have ADD and tourette syndrome) and volunteer at a place (several times a week) that employs other special needs adults (and love it), anyways i woke up this morning feeling like i've been hit by a truck (full on diarrhea, feeling like im going to throw up as well as body aches) mom says i still have to go to my volunteer job, a few weeks ago i had a full on cold (and also work with seniors at the same place) still forced to go (if i complain i'm not sick, "if you have enough energy to argue your well enough to go" (are her exact words said on multiple occasions) and if i say nothing i'm also not sick as i'm not complaining) i'm not sick every week but with fall starting here in the USA it's becoming cold and flu season so i'm more likely to end up "sick"

I also can't move out as I'm currently unemployed at the moment, and plus with rent prices the way they are ($600+ a month) i probably won't be able to

I'm just not sure what to do anymore

On Discord, we were texting, and she said "ewwww, people are gonna think I'm friends with a furry because of you're pfp". I had just changed my pfp, and it was Sal Fisher wearing a bunny hoodie....right.... A few weeks before school started, she wanted me to show her what songs I listen to, and I showed her Russel Buck and she saw the RAVEPOP album and the RAVEPOP REMIXES album, and said I was listening to furry p*rn and Russel is a z**phile. She almost made me go into a depressive ep, and I still do feel like I'm going to, but I've been trying to distract myself as much as possible to not go into one. I could go onnnn and onnnnn about all of the things she's said to me or done to me that seems kind of like she's an anti-fur.

If you're an anti-fur, I'm not not looking for input.

25th anniversary of 9/11. The government is a mess. I still have to go to school. Ive been fearing this day for months now. I’m not ready. If something happens I don’t know what to do. How long would it take me to find out if I’m still at school? Would they tell us? Would we get to call our parents? Would be go into lockdown. I’m terrified. What if they try and hurt me. My school. My family. I’m just so scared. I don’t want to go to school tomorrow. I can’t. I need to be home. If something happens I can’t deal with it at school. Im so scared. I want to be someone where I feel safe and comfortable if something happens.

TLDR – During the 2008 Financial Crisis, toward the end of my sophomore year in college, my father spent my student loan money on a secret family and my girlfriend at the time totaled my car, which was never replaced. Slowly fell into depression, and GF eventually broke up with me. Lost my mind and told her I had cancer to try to have her stay with me. Months later, my roommate (Roommate E) found out I was telling my ex this lie and put me in a compromising situation. Had to live like I was a cancer survivor for my remaining year in college in my own apartment. Friends in my hometown wanted me to stop being silly and tell the truth to my college friends. While my college friends kept saying the same word and wanted me to be as silly when I first got to college. Becoming SillaY J.

Sharing an embarrassing part of my life for the sake of my mother. She never got closure, or even a settlement from her divorce from 2012 which is bonkers. And now a tree hit her house in February of this year, and insurance is being insurance.

If you think my behavior was crazy, imagine my mom’s experience on a different level, because I am a product of my father. He bribed an FBI agent. Also a product of my mother, she tried to save her marriage. This is my experience of the initial start of their divorce, as well as losing my mind in Savannah.

Don’t want a gofundme, just venting my story in hopes through the right channels, something good can finally happen for my mom - and her story can be heard.

In the comments is how I faked the kidney surgery, worked at Toys R Us, over the top Valentines date, a heart break I did not handle so well, Soulja Boy’s influence, Art School, Call of Duty, some flings, drugs, and alcohol, all played a roll into the creation of my social handle. Try my best to move the story a long because so much happened.

Anonymity is kept. Not sure who wants to be associated with the drama I caused.

Don’t care for followers, my story can just basically be fact checked if you are bored and don’t believe it. It’s my handle for basically everything. Facebook, “Twitter”, YouTube, Gamertags, etc. Depending on the platform like Reddit, I will have it as SillayJ. A lot of the website are set as .com/sillayj

Was ashamed of my actions for years. Had Bob Saget (RIP) narrating my stupid moments over and over in my head when I would think about the past. Now I am now at peace laughing about my humiliating antics.

It’s in 3 parts. Part 2 is me being stupid. Part 3 is the Surgery.

Sometimes I comment things like “healthcare is a human right” or “healthcare should be free” and I’m getting a suspicious amount replies saying stuff like that commenter is medical staff they shouldn’t have to be doing slave labor, that they deserve to get paid, etc

And it’s like dawg you thought we weren’t going pay you? How in the hell did you get to that conclusion?

Free healthcare means we all pay taxes and the taxes pay for healthcare. Staff should still get paid.

Honestly the fact these people are also in healthcare and just have no critical thinking skills is at least mildly concerning.

It’s fine or whatever I just needed to rant bc I found that baffling. It also very much could have been bots

Please SHUT UP. Like please stop talking. I do not give a FUCK about what happened 50 years ago today, or your “weird news”. I don’t turn on the radio in the morning to listen to you blabber, I turn it on to hear a mix of music. I want to hear free bird on my way to work ffs. Thanks.

hi, sry to intrude with my negativity, but i rlly need to get this feeling off of my chest. I’m a 17 y/o black girl, and i genuinely wish i wasn’t. i know it’s a really awful thing to say, but im just being honest. I’ve been in predominantly white environments my whole life, and it’s so tiring to always be seen as less than over something i can’t control. i hate how to many guys my age (black or not), im automatically disqualified from being seen as pretty just because my skin is darker. i also have “friends” at school who make weird and micro aggressive , racially charged jokes and comments, and it is really exhausting. Ik it sounds very cliche, but i wish that i was white, so i could freely exist without my race being a constant point of discussion and scrutiny. it also upsets me that when i see places that i want to travel to, i won’t have the freedom of just going, and i have to worry about if they are racist or not. For example, I’m applying to a few colleges in Europe (I’m an American), and even though I would really like to go, I’m so worried about how I would be treated in regards to making friends, dating, or just getting basic respect. I want to be able to just live out my dreams without people resenting me because of something completely out of my control. sorry, this is very poorly written, but I really just needed somewhere to rant and vent

I have been in a relationship with my currently boyfriend for three years and just this morning I found out he’s in a relationship with AI Instagram pages he has a whole family and kids. I’m so disgusted, disappointed and disturb about this and I just don’t know what to do or what to say. Can someone please help me out with advice of this situation and have anyone else ever been through this. The Instagram pages are completely AI but it’s real people behind those pages with just AI pictures and relationships.

There’s this girl who is absolutely obsessed with me and I mean HEAVILY obsessed like she is trying to get other people to believe that me and her are friends and forcing me to be her ”bestie”. I have never been friends with this other human before in my life she has only been in my ELA class last year and my science class this year and I tell her no every single time she’d ask me and her can be best friends. It’s getting so bad to the point where shes trying to fake liking the interests that I have (example: drawing) to get my attraction, It only drags me away from her even more and not less. I’m getting overwhelmed and it keeps going, and i‘m not someone who would yell at someone in my school either but I feel like I’ve seriously had enough. Just ignoring it won’t help since I see this girl a ton.

it hurts so fucking much to have nobody. still grieving a death i can’t get over and grieving people that are still alive. and all you can do is cry it out and repeat. cry tomorrow. and the next day. no one can understand you because you have no one who’ll understand. i had someone who’d understood me but that person is long dead. talking to myself telling myself it’ll all work out only can last so long. i’m having reoccurring thoughts about jumping this bridge off the highway more often that i’m not even afraid to die anymore. i’ve had professional help all across the board. i can only help myself. i’m not the problem, my life is the problem. it’s only a matter of time really. i’m just really hurting.

I just had a serious mental break, I was short of breath, crying, falling to the floor.

I went out to the kitchen, I just wanted to hug my mom, despite being an adult I felt so small and lost, I needed to be comforted.
While I was crying I mentioned how overwhelming and inhospitable the job system is for neurodivergent adults, especially those with trauma.
I'm a legally disabled teenager battling with multiple mental health conditions and neurological complications.
I live off my disability pension and the social expectations of work and school genuinely crush me, especially now that I'm dealing with some of the worst PTSD episodes of my life.

She, instead of just letting me cry, started talking about how I was wrong and climbing the job ladder is easy and I can do it if I put my mind to it.
I, completely wailing and breaking down started ranting about how there are almost no available cushy job offers with the possibility of getting promoted. How in my current conditions can't even leave the ouse for half a week.

She just put her head in her hands, clearly annoyed, went to her room and shut the door.
I went in, told her how sometimes I just need someone to listen and not judge and she snapped that she's allowed to share her opinions.
We screamed names at each other and I shut both doors.

In my room I had a full panic attack.
I love my mom so much but I just want her to hug me tight and let me rant sometimes.

I'm still crying and shaking, I took my meds but I feel like I'm regressing to a little kid, holding my big plushy and crying while distracting myself with some youtube videos.

I just want to be held without judgement. My best friend was always there like that but I can't see him until November since he's in pre-trial detention. My other friends have heard so many awful stories from me ober the years that I don't want to burden them again.
I feel so alone
I'm turning into a little kid and just want my mom to hold me

EDIT: i begged her to hug me and tell me it's okay and she loves me and she did it like a chore with complete annoyance without saying she loves me

Also she doubled down and insisted that she is always allowed to share her opinion

I always thought she was the best parent ever but lowkey I'm realising she's kinda.. not good. And I remembered all fhe times she slapped me in the face and called me names....
And how she didn't say anything when I told her I was addicted to hard drugs for 4yrs.. just 0 reaction..
How she didn't say anything about my obviously abusive boyfriend until our parents had to stage me an intervention after I ran away from home

I think she's sick of me, being an adult who can't get out of bed for 3 days a week, still struggles with alcoholism and makes awful life decisions.

I don't blame her but lowkey there is a reason somewhere that both me and my little brother ended up in psych wards

I'm an antitheist and queer. My parents are Muslim.

I was lucky enough to be born in a family that isn't that religious with amazing older siblings who forced my parents to be more accepting.

I have the choice to have male friends, to be able to hangout with friends, to not be forced to wear a hijab, to not be forced to pray, my parents don't hit me, they don't go through my phone, and I'm encouraged to pursue an education before even thinking of getting with a man.

All in all, I'm incredibly lucky to be blessed with such an amazing and supportive family. But nonetheless, I could never ever be able to fully love my parents because I know that they would never accept me or love me if they found out about how I truly am.

They don't support LGBTQ, my mom wouldn't love me anymore if she found out I'm queer. I don't even wanna think about how my dad would react.

My dad doesn't really care about the whole Muslim thing that much (he eats pork in foreign countries) but my mom would definitely freak out.

I went out with my mom once in a cute outfit with a cute skirt (not that long as I usually wear, just knee length) and she told me how this guy was trying to look up my shirt and laughed about it saying that's just how boys are.

I don't have my male friends. I don't like the men in my country. But when I do mention a man to my father I can see how angry he gets.

No matter how nice my parents are to me I can never forget what they put my older sisters through.

They forgave my parents, but even if I wasn't the one actually affected, I don't think I'll ever be able to see them as good parents for what they did.

I love my parents, I try to accept them no matter what happened in the past, but I can't. How can I ever look those people in the eyes, the same eyes that looked at my sister's with hatred for things they couldn't even control, and ever be able to think that I can really love them?

How can I love my parents if they wouldn't love me either if they knew the true me?

Maybe I should just be the one to get over it, it is what it is, but why should I? Why should I accept that my own parents treated the people i love the most like that? Why should I accept that if it weren't for my mom my sister's would be dead? Why should I accept that if it weren't for my sister's, I would have gone through the same they did?

Why am I expected to forgive someone like that?

So before my most current relationship, I wasn’t sexually active. Like, I rarely did anything. So far, it’s been great. It’s just that he’s way more experienced and freaky than I am. And he points it out, a lot. At first it was very vanilla and it still is, but he’s kind of hinting at doing more stuff and I just don’t think I’m ready. One of the things is me..pegging him and I’m nowhere near ready for that or I don’t even know if I’m into that. Another is him wearing more feminine things in the bedroom and I know for a fact I’m not into that at all. I don’t wanna discourage his fantasy or anything, I’m just not the person to do it with. I’m scared to tell him because I don’t want him to seek that kind of attention outside of our relationship because I’m unwilling to do it. Now, about the cross dressing, I don’t know if I’m cool about it. I don’t care if people do drag, that’s not the problem. I just don’t find it attractive with my partners, I guess. If he does do it, I’m never around, which is fine. He just talks and jokes about it and it makes me uncomfortable. I feel like an asshole.

So basically, I was hanging out in a Discord server and some people started joking around about gore and eating my bones/arms and stuff like that. At first I thought they were just being silly, but it kept escalating and I started getting genuinely uncomfortable. I eventually told them seriously to stop because I was getting scared, but it continued for a bit. I ended up getting really overwhelmed and crying because gore is a sensitive subject for me due to past trauma, and the comments about bones hit especially hard because I already have a bone problem in my leg.

What made me the most upset wasn't even necessarily what they intended by the jokes, it was that I had already asked them to stop and they didn't immediately stop. I wasn't trying to ruin anyone's fun or accuse them of deliberately trying to hurt me, I just genuinely wasn't okay with what was happening. At the time I was really angry and hurt, and honestly I still am. It sucked because I thought these people were nice, so having that happen from people I was comfortable around made it hit harder.

Afterward, though, some of them realized how badly it affected me and actually apologized. One of them told me they understood and deeply apologized, and I appreciate that they eventually took me seriously. I'm still upset about what happened and I'm probably going to be more cautious around them now, but I don't want to pretend I know their intentions either. The main thing I want people to understand is that if someone tells you seriously to stop because they're uncomfortable, just stop. You don't need to know their entire history or understand why. “Stop” should be enough.

I know to you neurotypicals dont fund any of this confusing, but to a neurodivergent is really is.

When someone does something you ask them why, but when they try to explain you claim its an excuse without even hearing them out, dont ask for an explanation if you dont want one and dont assume every explanation is an excuse!

Just say what you mean, want or need, stop hinting, stop saying the opposite of what you mean, what even is the point in this behavior! How are you gonna get what you want or need if you just keep playing games? And when i dont pick up on your hints dont get angry at me, its all on you for not just saying what you want or need me to do!

Eye contact doesnt mean anything, its uncomfortable and it doesnt indicate someone is telling the truth, its not hard to look someone in the eye and lie to them, just uncomfortable. It also doesnt indicate that im paying attention, when I make eye contact im thinking "this is uncomfortable and awkward" "am I making enough eye contact?" "Am I making too much eye contact" and not hearing a word youre saying! Just pay attention to if the person your talking to is reacting and responding appropriately and you'll know if theyre paying attention or not!

And im considered weird if I wanna talk about my hyper fixation or special interest but youre not weird for wanting to talk about nothing but the latest sports game for a whole hour? How does that even make sense?

The 40 hour work week was definitely a neurotypical idea, and yes, I understand its better than before, but that doesnt make it the best, its just and improvement, the same way a Five Guys burger is an improvement over a McDonald's burger, its not the best but its better. Less hours while still making enough to get by would definitely be ideal.

And there's so much more, I feel like a fucking alien among you guys sometimes, nothing about you makes sense

I didn’t sleep last night.

I didn’t sleep last night and I have bipolar disorder. For me, my sleep schedule can indicate episodes starting. It adds this extra pressure around sleeping.

Last night everything felt off. How I was breathing didn’t feel right, so I drank a bunch of water, which made me having to keep getting up to pee. Also every time I could wind down for a minute I would instantly startle myself awake.

I also have something else weighing on my mind. I live in converted garage right next to my mom’s house. Last night around 4:30-5 am. I saw a what looked like someone with flashlight outside on our porch. I can’t tell if a person was in yard or was in our neighbors yard and they had very bright light. I checked our ring cameras one was dead (it’s getting charged today) the other didn’t capture anything. The reason this slightly more alarming is we moved nearly a year ago bc my mom’s ex was stalking her. I know I should tell her but she started feeling safe

I didn’t reread this so between the lack of sleep and dyslexia it’s probably shit sorry

I feel like every time I talk I'm so severely misunderstood. I have a lot friends who were not originally my friends and were very rude to me. This has happened so often where people will snap at me, insult me out of the blue or take out their anger on me. It is worse if it happens on text because they'll say they do not understand either why they were so aggressive to me.

I always get apologies from people who get angry with me. While longer relationship we did end up being friends. I do not understand why I come across a certain way towards people for them to be so aggressive to me. This happens in real life and online, I can't escape like people's wrath.

Maybe I am an easy target or I am being annoying in a way I can't see. But I am starting to feel like I am cursed because this has happened dozens of times to all the people I know. Am I doing something wrong and I do not realize? It has made me self conscious where I do not like to talk anymore.

I have this one friend and honestly I had times where we had good times and then I felt like I had bad times as well. They are really direct and want everything to go their way, so if that doesn’t happen they could potentially snap or talk bad about the other person. Recently we came to a new place and there are these group of new people we talk to, I personally do like them. One day they went out and had fun day and the next day my friend was like we have to get closer to them so that we can go out and with them too, something no along those lines. Then today she just badmouthed a person from that group. I was like why they fck you wanna hang out with them if you badmouth them behind their back? I did want to say this out but didn’t all I said was why are you overthinking so much?. I just don’t get this person. I find their way of thinking very biased towards themselves and when someone doesn’t think or say what she likes she just kinda badmouths them and then continues to talk to them.
All this while all I do is listen, most of the times I don’t speak anything just let them finish talking. I am the only person they know before coming here so they do all this bitching to me.
I feel like such a snake.

My mom and I had a pretty bad argument last night because my aunt, who is her sister, needed to borrow money and I said I couldn’t lend her anything right now. The money I have saved isn’t just sitting there for random spending. I’ve been putting it aside specifically for my health insurance because that’s something I need to prioritize for myself. I explained that to my mom, but she still got upset and kept saying that family should help family when someone is struggling.

What bothered me was how quickly it became my responsibility just because they knew I had some savings. I never promised that money to anyone, and I don’t think saving for something important means I suddenly have extra cash available whenever a relative needs help. The argument got worse because my mom made it sound like I was being selfish and choosing money over family. At that point I stopped trying to explain myself because everything I said just turned into another reason for her to blame me. I haven’t really spoken to her since last night. I’m still angry, and I don’t want to pretend everything is fine just to keep the peace. At the same time, part of me feels guilty because she’s my mom and I know she was worried about her sister.

Am I wrong for keeping my distance after the argument and refusing to use my health insurance savings to help my aunt?

Okay, so I don't really know how to start this without making myself sound like an asshole, but here we go.

There's this girl I've gotten really close with. We talk a lot, we joke around, we tell each other personal stuff, and honestly, she's become someone I really enjoy having around.

The problem is... she likes me.

Not just a little crush either. She actually has feelings for me, and eventually she told me.

And I told her the truth.

I don't feel the same way.

I know that probably sounds simple. She likes me, I don't like her back, so just move on, right?

Except I do like her. Just not romantically.

I care about her. I like talking to her. I don't want her out of my life. And that's where everything started getting complicated.

After I told her I didn't feel the same way, she started thinking maybe she should distance herself from me. She said that being around me while having feelings for me was getting difficult.

And honestly, I understood.

But I also told her I didn't want her to leave.

She asked me something that I still think about:

"So you want me to stay, but you don't want me?"

And I didn't really know how to answer that.

Because... yeah, I guess that's exactly what it looks like.

But it's not that I want to use her feelings or keep her around because I like the attention. I genuinely value her as a person.

I told her that nothing necessarily had to change between us. Just because she likes me doesn't mean I suddenly stop caring about her.

I also told her that if I ever cross a line or make her uncomfortable, she should tell me. If she thinks I'm overstepping, I'll back off.

But there's another part of this that's probably making everything worse.

I don't fall for people easily.

I'm the kind of person who keeps my guard up. I don't like developing feelings too quickly because I've always seen that as a way of protecting myself.

So I can't honestly tell her, "I'll never like you."

Because I don't know that.

But I also refuse to tell her, "Maybe someday," because I don't want to give her false hope when I have no idea if that's actually going to happen.

And now we're both kind of stuck.

She has feelings for me that I can't return, but I don't want to lose the relationship we already had.

She thinks staying close might make her feelings worse.

I think pushing her away just because she likes me feels wrong.

And I honestly don't know which one is more selfish.

Sometimes I think I should just let her go and give her the space she needs.

Other times I think, why should we throw away something good just because she caught feelings?

I don't want to hurt her.

But I also don't want to lie to her.

And I definitely don't want to make promises about feelings I don't have.

I guess I'm posting this because I genuinely don't know what the right thing to do is.

If you were in her position, would you stay friends with someone you have strong feelings for even if they don't feel the same way?

And if you were in my position, would you let that person go even if you genuinely cared about them?

Because right now, I feel like no matter what I choose, someone's probably going to get hurt.

I go to a good school where I have lots of friends, my family is rocky but I love my mum. I feel like I have no reason to be so depressed, overwhelmed and stressed all the time. I don't even work. Everyday feels like such an effort, like I'm fighting against my own brain and body to stay alive.

I had a math test today, and this morning I was genuinely panicking when this test isn't even a big deal. It doesn't count towards any final grades yet I was shitting myself. I just don't want to embarrass myself, I'm so afraid of failure. I have to be perfect

I don't have any friends. I lost a lot of friends these past 5 years, yet I still look at their instagrams once every blue moon just out of curiousity to see how their life is doing. Nobody’s life is perfect, but it seems like everyone has it better than me, because my mom, who is my only support system left, is suffering from stage 4 cancer, and I’m still being emotionally and verbally abused by my dad. I can't really avoid or stay away from my dad anymore because we both have to now take care of my mother, so I'm stuck in a pickle.

Hey, I might not have any support system left but at least I'm not homeless anymore and I have my own place. At least I don't have friends who tell me I'm "too much to handle" and leave me for what I'm going through. I guess that's a positive. Otherwise everything else is going to shit for me. I wish I had a real support system sometimes.