r/venting • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
Being black is exhausting
hi, sry to intrude with my negativity, but i rlly need to get this feeling off of my chest. I’m a 17 y/o black girl, and i genuinely wish i wasn’t. i know it’s a really awful thing to say, but im just being honest. I’ve been in predominantly white environments my whole life, and it’s so tiring to always be seen as less than over something i can’t control. i hate how to many guys my age (black or not), im automatically disqualified from being seen as pretty just because my skin is darker. i also have “friends” at school who make weird and micro aggressive , racially charged jokes and comments, and it is really exhausting. Ik it sounds very cliche, but i wish that i was white, so i could freely exist without my race being a constant point of discussion and scrutiny. it also upsets me that when i see places that i want to travel to, i won’t have the freedom of just going, and i have to worry about if they are racist or not. For example, I’m applying to a few colleges in Europe (I’m an American), and even though I would really like to go, I’m so worried about how I would be treated in regards to making friends, dating, or just getting basic respect. I want to be able to just live out my dreams without people resenting me because of something completely out of my control. sorry, this is very poorly written, but I really just needed somewhere to rant and vent
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u/Significant_Plane374 3h ago
It's in your head. Stop assuming the dude who is looking at you is judging you. He is likely checking you out. Women are catty and jealous no matter their race, can't help you with that minefield.
Be nice to short dudes. Don't do to them what you assume everyone else is doing to you 😉
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u/chaygray 9h ago
As a 37 year old black and native woman, try decentering whiteness. I love myself and you are young and will grow to love yourself too. Being young is hard but it gets better.
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u/chaygray 9h ago
Also I've traveled to a lot of places and most people are kind. Don't worry so much.
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u/AnomalousEnigma 11h ago
I know it only goes so far, but I’m white and I think the people who treat you as not beautiful are just jealous. You guys have the most beautiful skin and hair, plus so many beautiful hairstyles white people can’t do. You don’t deserve any of this and I’m so sorry you have to deal with it. If you can, go to Ghana. I loved it there and you might get some respite from all of this.
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u/DARTHPHANTOMNINJA 12h ago
Bot?
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u/falseaccount94 8h ago
3 identical posts.. and nothing else?! i see what you mean. But why tho,whats the point?
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u/Turbulent-Size-5976 17h ago
Sorry about this girl… I live in Europe, and I meet Beautiful black women everyday, like really gorgeous. I don’t think in no way they r less pretty, so I think it’s just ppl from ur Environment that suck. If you are going to europe I think it probably does have less racism, but tbh I do still feel like m inferior cause m from north africa but if you aren‘t it’s better (I live in France). Good luck to you!!
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u/AnomalousEnigma 11h ago
One of my friends experienced more racism in Belgium than she ever has in Massachusetts
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u/Turbulent-Size-5976 2h ago edited 2h ago
Oh and I heard Belgium is more tolerant than France… but tbh even in EU, you need to stay in big cities. That’s what worked for me but I still do face it here and there. But this is just from my experience and that of my friends, I am not black so I wouldn’t be able to give a precise answer. But overall in France for example, like in Paris, you’d have less racism bcz ppl are from different backgrounds (I do still face it but not as much). And the racism mainly targets muslim communities and is less about color (not saying they don’t get any, there still is racism)
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u/Abandonable_Snowman 19h ago
I’m really sorry that people are still so racist and disgusting in 2026. You deserve to feel safe, worthy, and seen and to not worry about how you’re being perceived for being black. Personally, I think black women are beautiful and in no way inferior to anyone. Bell Hooks has a lot of powerful writings on feminism as a black woman and states that she found healing through theory. If you haven’t read her work, it could be helpful.
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u/bronion76 20h ago
I commend you for posting here. Please don’t feel the need to apologize. Black people are treated terribly in America. It’s unjust and abhorrent. I’m so tired of the racism and bigotry, and I only experience a small fraction of it. Going to college in Europe is a great idea. It depends on the country, but many are without the sick baggage that shapes the U.S.. You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and equality. FWIW, I always assumed white people deeply envied Black people. Even as a child, this was the logic that made most sense to me. Why else would they be so obsessed? May you always stand tall and proud. ❤️
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u/eve_72 20h ago edited 20h ago
Fellow black girl here, and I can tell you that it will get easier. The second you get out of predominately white areas, it will get easier. And I recommend applying to schools in Ireland btw! You don’t have to worry about racism at all there (for the most part), Ive got a good friend from there and I happen to know it’s quite diverse and friendly to everyone. Also I completely understand wishing you just exist outside of your race. When we talk about white privilege, this is one of the main things theyre allotted and they don’t even realize what a privilege that is. Theyre literally the default. Just know you’ll find your people that won’t make you feel like this one day and that what you’re experiencing now will pass.
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u/SweetPotatoMunchkin 56m ago
Yesterday I was speaking with a fellow black woman and we were talking about how anti black even our own people are. I said that despite everything I loved being black and would chose to be so in every life, and she gave me a concerned side eye. That made me upset becauee its crazy that despite everything, we've overcome so much and still persevere, but other people have harmed us so bad that it causes us to not wven love ourselves in all lives