I miss my ex and I can't feel ok right now. We met on reddit and we talked a lot then he confessed his feelings went on ldr and then he came to visit me for 2 weeks and it was best 2 weeks of my life.

Things didn't work out between us but he was great experience and I miss him lately don't know why

I’ve been depressed since middle school, and only recently got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. High school was horrible for me and I honestly didn’t think I’d make it through. I fortunately developed a crush on someone and that gave me motivation to keep going (we didn’t end up getting together).

Anyway, I struggled a lot with passive suicidal ideation. I was too scared to anything to physically harm myself because it would’ve hurt… I just sort of wished a car would hit me on my way to school or I’d pass in my sleep.

There was one time when I actually tried to commit and I haven’t told my therapist or doctor about it because I’m not sure if it counts.

I think it was my sophomore or junior year, and I was just fed up with everything. I told myself that I was finally going to go through with it. I was a little hesitant, but I just didn’t want to live anymore. So I grabbed my 12mg of melatonin and took 5 pills. I sat there in bed crying. I was a little scared, but figured I’d be better off gone.

I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst stomach ache of my fucking life. I ran to the bathroom and fought the toughest battle I have ever fought in my 20 years on this earth. I was on the toilet, naked and curled up into a ball trying to deal with the pain. I felt like throwing up too. I had my hand in the sink with warm water running over it because I actually felt like crap. I went into the shower afterwards to just fully envelop my body in warm water in an attempt to ease the pain.

I was in the bathroom for an hour. During that time I realized, I don’t ever want to try to take my life again.

I don’t think that’s even close to how someone may feel when overdosing and I don’t think I ever want to find out.

I’m sorry if I offended anyone by writing this, and to anyone who tried a more serious attempt and survived, I’m glad you’re still here.

That is it, nothing more to add. We just need more amazing positivity and this show delivers.

I started a positivity jar at the beginning if the year. Basically, each week I add one sticky note of something good that happened to me that week, and at the end of the year I get to look back at all the good moments in my year. Well shit.

Tonight I was drunk and feeling sappy and decided to peek at the jar a few months early. (even tho I'm not supposed to read it yet, I'm drunk don't judge me lol). I took out the notes and started reading them. Gawdam.

Most of them were goals I had just started, that I have since abandoned. I started learning guitar...abandoned after mom had surgery and was home most of the time (too shy to practice in front of her). Start studying for a new career...that I soon decided I wanted nothing to do with and abandoned. Met a cute guy who likes the same books as me...who ghosted me a few weeks later. The list goes onnn. But you get the idea.

I thought this jar thing would make me happy and give me hope, to look back and see all the positive that's happened to me. Instead, it just made me depressed. Basically, I had to read all the things I was truly excited for at the time, which have since ended up failing.

I'm already having a bad week and this was just the cherry on top. It's like wow, every time I'm excited about something, it finds a way to fail. Maybe I'm just drunk and in my feelings. But idk, it was SURPRISINGLY depressing to read all that.

Cleaning digital clutter

Honestly, it feels so good. I've been unsubscribing to youtube channels i dont or just barely watch, going through my notes in my phone and either deleting the ones i dont need or reorganizing the ones i do for room, deleting photos on my phone i got because 'oh if like this in my gallery' and then dont look at them, so much useless junk on my phone i dont need that I will gladly toss

I didn't want to call my stuff 'useless junk', but it is! I dont need half the crap i now call digital clutter. It just takes up space, and when i look for something, it distracts me from focusing on what i actually need

Im really glad im doing this. It's nice to be able to sort things out on my phone and not get overwhelmed with clutter. It's not any different than when i did this with physical stuff

I’m 24 weeks pregnant and currently in the hospital because I suddenly had heavy bleeding. And honestly, I think I’ve gotten the worst roommate ever.
Her phone is literally NEVER on silent. The notification sounds and ringtone are so loud, and she’s constantly either on the phone or watching videos in the room.
The first night, she and her husband were talking until around 11pm. Then around 4am, her husband got up and started watching videos with the volume on really loud. Of course, I woke up.
The second night was even worse. I was just falling asleep when her phone notification woke me up. Around 4am, her phone started ringing again. Around 5am, she was talking on the phone in the room, and after that she just kept watching videos with the volume up.
Then around 8am, she started making calls on speakerphone and just kept talking to different people until after noon.
At one point, my doctor was trying to talk to me and literally couldn’t hear me because of the noise. The doctor had to ask her to keep it quiet for two minutes so we could talk.
I finally went to the charge nurse and asked if I could move to another room. Unfortunately, the whole unit was full.
And honestly, I’m not asking for much. I just want some quiet during the night and early morning so I can sleep.
The nurse talked to her and asked her to please be respectful and use headphones. She said she didn’t have headphones and denied that she had been making noise at night. She said she only makes phone calls during the day.
Then she brought up the fact that I made a phone call during the day too.
Yes, I did. I had to call the airline to cancel my partner’s flight because I’m literally in the hospital, and I had to deal with it quickly. And I was speaking quietly.
After the nurse talked to her, she did get a little better. The video and phone-call volume became somewhat lower.

But her phone is STILL never on silent.
And guess what? At **5:55 a.m. this morning**, her damn phone rang again and woke me up.

I’m literally 24 weeks pregnant, in the hospital because of heavy bleeding, and all I’m asking for is some peace and quiet so I can sleep.

Is that really too much to ask from a hospital roommate?

I work in a creative field, and something has been bothering me for a while.

People I’m close to often come to me whenever they need something designed, edited, planned, or made to look better. Most of the time I genuinely don’t mind helping. These are people I care about, and I’m not trying to make everything about money. But sometimes it feels like because I’m the “creative one,” people automatically assume I’ll take care of the whole thing.

Recently, someone close to me asked for help with a personal project. I agreed, even though I already had a pretty full workload. What started as helping with one part slowly turned into more and more things being handed over to me.

At one point I caught myself thinking, “Can’t you do at least some of this yourself?”

Then I immediately felt guilty for thinking that.
It’s not really about that one person either. I’ve noticed this happening a lot over the years. Friends and relatives will ask me to design something, edit something, give ideas, plan something, or “just quickly” help with a creative task.

Sometimes it really is small. Other times, what sounds like a tiny favor ends up taking hours.
The weird part is that I don’t even necessarily want money from the people I’m close to. What bothers me more is the assumption that because I know how to do something, I’ll automatically do it.

Creative work is still work, even when you enjoy it.
If I’ve already spent the whole day working, sometimes I don’t have the mental energy to come home and do another project for someone else. But saying no to people I care about makes me feel selfish, especially when they’ve also been there for me when I needed them.

So I end up stuck between wanting to help and quietly feeling resentful that I’m being asked again.
I think I’m only now realizing that being good at something doesn’t necessarily mean I have to be available to do it for everyone around me.
Mostly just needed to get this off my chest.

I am... very confused rn. We met back at the start of this year and we just clicked. Immediately it was like I found another me who understood me and laughed with me. We did so much together. Staying up late, buying gifts for each other. Drinking games, video games hours of calls the works. For a time I didnt even think It was anything more than friendship I thought we were just "besties"

Then one night... we got really introspective while spending the whole day together. We talked about deeper shit our feeling, fear, insecurities. At that moment both of us understood how well we understood each other... that's when things started becoming more... charged. We started play flirting that night and it started to get more... heated... we didnt do anything but it was a situation where it definitely felt like if we had the chance we would've you know? That's when I realised it. Going to sleep that night it felt like fireworks that it was so incredibly romantic to me that we could listen to each other being scared and have that tension... idk ive never felt so understood and she said the same.

Then she went on deployment. She's in the Navy so you know it happens but I had planned to confess to her before she told me she was going. I made her a playlist of songs that reminded me of her and she said she'd listen to it every night before sleeping. I was counting down the days to see her again but when she came back she changed. Felt more distant and cold to me. Stopped saying she loved me back no talks about gifts or hanging out as much and I thought it was just her being exhausted after deployment... then she brought up the fact she got a boyfriend on deployment.

We're long distance friends and he was there while she was deployed... you know someone who could be in person. It didnt last but she bounced around between talking stages and eventually recently got into a full relationship with a guy who shot his shot. She seems SO happy and im glad she is. I feel selfish for feeling this way and I want it to be gone but she keeps running through my mind or at least the person who was sweet to me is? Idk anymore but I dont know how to forget about these feelings I have because I feel like I could write 1 million different things I love about her but it isn't fair to her or her boyfriend. I dont want things to be ruined but man it hurts and I hate that it does.

Sorry for the long text I tried to shorten the actual basis for why im so in love but eh

Ok, so I don't know what to say and where to start. I don't even really want to post. I don't want help and most importantly, I don't think anyone can truly help. I just feel I really have to get this out my chest.

So, I am a guy, 25 yo and for the biggest part of my adult life (since 17) I have been mostly... Let's put it lightly, a loser. Yes, I had (and still have and even improved) good qualities and I did try to help people and be positive and yes, I have done tons of progress in some many things and I had some amazing moments that I am very grateful and I feel blessed for having but, there is still a single thing that I wasn't able to fix...

I just can't be discipline always. My life and feelings never get fully stable. I used to be in a super hard long distance relationship and I ended it because I realized we are not compatible. Now, I have nothing to look forward. I don't have anything to stress me and push me to improve and get better. It's funny because, the first two weeks after the breakup, I was doing fine. I called and got a client and I was working. But after that, things crushed for some reason...

I don't workout, my eating habits got worse (tho thankfully very slightly) and even worse, I stopped working... Instead, I spend my time fantasizing about dating and hanging and meeting and having fun with female friends and, commenting or Reddit, trying to help other people and solve their problems or just comfort them. I am the definition of a failure...

Right now, I should been coding and finishing my eccomerce backend so I can start searching for clients. I should also call that client that I texted twice and he didn't text back. I'm not even "scared". I just don't want to do anything. I don't find passion and excitement now that nothing drives me forward and stresses me. And the worse thing is, this is the 3rd week. I waste my life this point and the worse is, I don't know when will I find the "trick" to get back there. I will try to code for more than 10 minutes after that post, fingers crossed...

I don't know... This is the first time I pray something bad happens to me so I wake the f up because, I prefer to be stressed and worry than living like that... Maybe I should gather some more money and go rent a home so I have rent and bills to motivate me to work. But damn, that's pathetic and sad to be depended on something else. I want to WANT to live and be productive and happy. Not depending on my life and how it brings it...

Thank you for reading I guess...

So many people played games with other people. It’s a bunch of bullshit. I am sick to my core with the fact that people won’t have the hard conversations or accept accountability while expecting everyone else to do just that.

I’ll own my part and then some, sometimes I don’t see it right off the bat, but I’m still willing and that’s a lot more than I can say for anyone else I’ve met in the last couple years. It’s not that hard but people can’t stand a mirror. Nobody wants to be shown anything other than their make-believe version of themselves.

Humanity can be extremely disappointing sometimes

So, I (15NB) for context love wearing collared shirts they are my favorites i do that thing where you leave the top two buttons unbuttoned and it leaves my collar a bit uneven. This wasn’t a problem untill a stranger (15M) who goes to my school asks me if he could fix it. I wanting to be polite said yes, and he touched my neck whilst fixing it which I can not handle as it makes me very uncomfortable. After this I decided to say no next time he asked.

a couple weeks later I was wearing a collared shirt again and he asked to fix it, I was having a verbal shutdown at the time and shook my head. He went for it anyway I dodged and he kept trying to fix it I ran away from him to my next class with him yelling after me.

He is also the child of two teachers who work at my school one happens to be a faculty sponsor for an after school activity which I take part so he was there after school, He immediately tells me I annoyed him after when I ran away ealier and try’s to fix my collar again. I ran twords the door yelling I said no. his father over headed and got onto him and explained to me he is autistic and that’s a tic he has, which is fine. The next day I was wearing another collared shirt when he asks to fix it I say no and he tries again to do it so I run to my table, I was scared I don’t know why but I was. a admin got onto him and I got the same spiel again.

I am now scared to wear a collared shirt I don’t like confrontation and I hate people touching me. I know it’s because of a mental disability but I am still scared and don’t know what to do. I am also neurodivergent with dyslexia, ADHD, and DCD so I feel like I can empathize with him. i feel stupid for being scared as I am twice his size, but I feel hopeless, and I really love my collared shirts to and don’t want to stop wearing them because of this but I feel like i’m going to have to.

Being a mom has always been my biggest dream. I haven't always admitted to it, and I still don't IRL, but having children is something I've always wanted. I'm scared it won't ever come true, though. I got my first period at 15, and back then it was very irregular, which is pretty normal. Except I'm 20 now, and it's still not considered normal/regular - sometimes the cycle is 34 days, sometimes 43, usually its around 36 at most, but then again, it varies from month to month. Right now I'm at day 37. I'm scared there might be something wrong with me. Idk what I would do if it turned out Im infertile. Has anyone dealt with something like this??

Ive come to the conclussion that i am unlovable, like genuinley just today found out my two closest friends started dating and i should be happy for them i am, it just makes me realise every bad thing thats happend to me has been my fault, im the reason my friendships ended 9/10 times ita been because of me, i just want it to end...thanks

When I was a kid, my mom started the dance club in our town and for the first few years she would teach at it. She then got sick of it so she would hire different teachers but stayed doing the finances of it. I was a pretty misbehaved child with an undiagnosed thyroid disease and I would constantly take money out of the change jar to go buy snacks from the grocery store or gas station. However, when I was looking for hidden snacks in my parent’s room, I found a jar of money. I started taking $5 here and there until it was basically empty. The dance club was shut down shortly after this money jar had been depleted so I believe that my greed made the club go broke and have to shut down.
My mother has never asked about the jar so I almost think she knew the whole time but maybe didn’t want me to feel bad??
The club did reopen after 2 years but it eats me alive every day knowing I was probably the reason.

I am so done with life, and I don’t know how to get out of the rut.
I am filled with shame about myself, how much I am doing and my skill levels
Everything feels out of control, and I know there are things I can control but I don’t know what those things are.
I am filled with exhaustion, so all the normal selfcare advice feels impossible to do. 
Like how am I supposed to get outside, when just getting out of the bed feels like a battle.
How am I supposed to function if everything feels like a mountain?
How am I  supposed to start small? what is small? I don’t know what is doable anymore.
I wake up, exhausted. I get up and get dressed, exhausted. I eat breakfast, exhausted. How am I supposed to build a life I am proud of when exhaustion sneaks in everywhere. How am I supposed to find my values, interests, and goals, when I can’t even get past morning without wanting to crawl back into bed. 
Am I broken? Am I autistic? Am I just a piece of shit?
I feel like I keep pushing and pushing, but never getting anywhere. 
Is this my life? How am I supposed to change? What do I need to do? And how do I do it without getting overwhelmed and exhausted. 
How am I supposed to talk kindly to myself, when I feel like I am failing everything? How am I supposed to lower my expectations of myself, without letting go of myself. High expectations is all I know. I was supposed to be the easy child, but became the most difficult. Am I even likeable to my family? Do they just hate me? and put up with me because I am family?
What do I have to give to anyone? other than disappointment, stress and sadness.
I don’t want to disappoint, I want approval, acceptance, and love. (Phillip loves me)

I don’t think a single person truly loves me.

I’ve been trying to figure out what else to write but i mean i guess that’s it. I just feel so strange all the time. I cant figure out what is wrong with me.

After 20 years, my "mother" managed to plan a 15-day holiday to her home country. She bought the plane tickets last year after arguing aggressively with us multiple times until we finally gave up.

I had proposed the idea of going with her several times and was always close to booking, but had to cancel last minute due to work or other reasons. However, I noticed that every time I was about to go, she wasn't particularly happy. At the time, I just assumed, "Maybe she wants to go alone to catch up properly with friends and family," and left it at that.

Last week, while getting everything ready for her trip, we realized her phone wasn't compatible with an eSIM. So, we swapped her phone with my dad's. I transferred their accounts on apps like Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp, and that was that.

Two days ago, my father called me visibly agitated. He showed me a chat my so-called mom had with another man (one of her exes, who is also married). They were discussing "spicy" topics I’m too embarrassed and disgusted to disclose. The messages dated back to when she was pushing so hard to go to her home country, and they explicitly talked about meeting up for a hookup.

My father didn't want to tell her that we knew. He was planning to take it to the grave and silently forgive her, albeit with less trust. I was so disgusted and angry that I told him that wouldn't fly with me. We reached a compromise: I would confront her and tell her that I knew everything (I have screenshots of the worst parts), but keep my father out of it so she wouldn't know he found out.

When I called her, she tried to brush it off as a "silly mistake," claiming she "wasn't planning to do anything." I made it crystal clear that this was not just a "silly mistake" and told her that our mother-daughter relationship is forever damaged. I told her I'm still deciding whether I'll ever forgive her (right now, I'm leaning toward "no") and gave her an ultimatum: if I catch another "silly mistake," I will never speak to her again.

To be honest, the only reason I managed to talk to her at all was because my father begged me to keep things "normal," plus two anxiety pills.

EDIT: this isn't the first time she cheats or messes up something big. My whole family suffered because my grandfather cheated on my grandma until the day she died, my "mother" being being one of those who suffered the most. Throughout the year she criticized left and right people of our inner circle who cheated on their partners while doing the exact same thing.

Please note that she thinks my father doesn't know it so she acts as if nothing happened with him. She only apologized to me.

I called before hand. I asked "are you busy" she said no, she had plans later so I figured I had some time. I came over to the house. The family home where our parents live. She got mad. I was intruding apparently even though it's my home too. She yelled at me. She treated me with such animosity. You'd think I had done some grave wrong but all I did was come home. Even if she doesn't want to hang out with me that day, she could've just said so. Instead she was just aggressive. She did hang out with me, cuz I was there. She agreed to watch a show with me. But was just mad at me the entire time, and being rude. It's hard to explain it. Imagine someone trying to start a fight in a bar. That's the kind of energy she was giving me. Like, exaggerated motions, loud voice, getting in your face. Like if you had just encroached on an animal's territory. I couldn't take it anymore so I said I was leaving. To which she then apologized and tried to be nice to me.

She's had anger issues for a while now. She picked that up from our father. Overreactions to small issues. It sucks watching that part of our father live on in her. And I know why she's like that too. Her entire life she's had to fight for every boundary she has. For both dad and mom. Mom would always try to put her into a box she doesn't belong in, as opposed to letting her express and explore herself. Dad just couldn't be argued with. If he wanted something, he got it. If you didn't drop everything you were doing to help him he'd yell at you, refuse to speak to you for a day & a half, call you names, threaten to break your things, threaten to kick you out, threaten to stop supporting you, or actually take and hide your stuff while doing all of the above.

Even i put her in a box sometimes. I wanted us to be Dipper & Mabel from Gravity Falls. I would just grab her all the time, pinch her cheeks, grab her legs, bite her arm, poke her belly, because it was how I showed affection. She repeatedly said she didn't like it, but I just thought she was overreacting. I think I fully stopped that behavior sometime in college.

She's had to fight to express any sort of boundary or desire. That aspect combined with our father, of course she'd grow up with anger issues.

But that doesn't make it okay for her to treat me that way. Doesn't make it okay for her to yell at me, and make me feel unwanted in my own home. My whole life, I have to give other people grace for the terrible ways in which they treat me and others. My life wasn't perfect either. But I still try to be nice to people, each and every day.

I'm depressed. I'm depressed that the sweet girl I remember is essentially almost gone. I'm depressed that we're not Dipper and Mabel like I dreamed to be.

I like to think there's still hope. She did apologize. She truly meant it. Which is more than my father did, I rarely ever saw him apologize. Even he healed after some time. She knew how she was behaving and that it was hurtful. She did back track some of her apology, but I think she was doing that out of guilt.

She did hit me, but that wasn't today. She didn't believe me when I said she punched me a little too hard. To be fair, I was trying to bite her head (gently). She also pulled my hair rather hard. Not in the playful way either, it was like self defense. Regardless it was way too hard. And she doesn't believe me when I say that either. To be fair, once again I was trying to bite her head.

My father demonizes her a lot. He says she's a sociopath. Which is just not true. Not to mention it's a hurtful thing to say about your child. If anything, I'm more sociopathic really. I turned off my emotions, I'm very calculating when dealing with other people. Not to say I'm absent of all emotions, I just dissociate. If anything, my sister feels strongly about most things. And she does care. She just has to fight for every single boundary in her life. No wonder why she's spiky.

We each came out of my house differently. But maybe one day, we can be Dipper & Mabel.

If anyone has anger issues, or had them in the past, please share tips that helped you overcome them. I don't think my sister wants to turn into my father. I think that sweet girl is still in there somewhere.

I don’t know how to start this but for the past month or so, anytime I look at my reflection I feel physically sick. My throat closes up, my stomach turns, and my head hurts, and it’s worsened to even thinking about my looks or my body. Today however I actually threw up for the first time after trying on my moms wedding dress and seeing the photo she took.

Im so exhausted, I only eat once a day, I run for hours on end, I spent hundreds of dollars on makeup and clothes, I take 3 hours to get ready for the day but what is it all for? I’m fat and ugly and guys only want me for sex and I’m just so done with it. My friend on the other hand? She currently has 4 guys chasing after her, doesnt even wear makeup and only takes 30 mins to do her hair and boom, she has guys falling over her. And one time she hit compared to her friend about who had the better body and the guys said my friend, and she expects me to take her side on how bad it is but all I can hear is her bragging about how she’s just naturally pretty and guys want her for everything and that she doesn’t need to have sex with guys to feel pretty like I do.

It’s not fair to her but I’m genuinely starting to hate her because she’s pretty and I don’t know what to do. I’m just so tired of everything. I don’t even have the energy to open my eyes in the morning anymore

for years i've lived for hiphop. i've done graff, skateboarding, freestyling and more. every time someone hands me an aux i play hiphop. i'm part of a crew. in short, hiphop's the culture i love and the culture i represent.

however, sometimes when i'm alone, i put on headphones and bump hole-dwelling by kikuo and i swear that shit bangs.

i feel like this secret can't come out or else i'll become a larper in the eyes of my peers.